A New Day, The Other Me chapter 4

I think I’m in love. Okay I hope its love but I will say for a damn fact there is a connection between Jenna and me. Not something as petty as likes and dislikes, we just get each other. The first two weeks of November we have been dating and people found out really quick that I not only existed but was the nice guy, no name pun intended. I make Jenna feel like a queen and she has me feeling like the happiest man alive. We eat lunch together every day, we go out to dinner at least twice a week and I’ve been to the studio where she does her modeling for her future career. I have been dressing nicer for her too. She’s always wearing some of the nicest clothes, attractive but mature so I’m wearing dress shirts and slacks. I even had mom take me in and style my hair. Now I look like a man who should be next to Jenna and people notice. I’m spoken to a little differently and asked constantly how we are doing; I don’t see why they ask me when Jenna is just as approachable as I am. Life is good here and we’re happy. I’ve only stolen a few kisses from her though but I blame Brandon for that. After he broke up with her and decided to screw around with women she’s keeping herself guarded till its right, I’m hoping for soon but no pressure. Most of the time we spend it working out her options and career after high school and at her prompting I am doing online college classes through the high school so we’ll have more time to work things out between us.

It is at the end of the second week that the family has another counseling session with Dr. Hill only it’s a lot different than I expected since we’re doing two sessions both involving me and another member of the family. We’re supposed to talk to each other about how we’re feeling and this first one is Beth and I. We’re both sitting on the same couch but at opposite ends as Dr. Hill decide to start in with the questions.

“So Guy, what were your first thoughts of Bethany,” Dr. Hill asks me and I think for a second.

“I thought she looked nice and she seemed happy,” I answer being honest.

“And when the incident occurred where she got Mark to attack you, what were your thoughts towards her then,” Dr. Hill continues with me ignoring Beth.

“I didn’t know what to think. I thought we were supposed to be a family but I was wrong,” I recall and wonder if the doctor is going to ask Beth anything.

“After the attack you isolated yourself from the rest of the family, did it ever occur to you to get any revenge,” Dr. Hill asks and I shake my head no,” Do you have any idea as to why you didn’t want to hurt her?”

“I don’t know,” I remark not liking the questions.

“Was it because of her brother,” she asks and I shake my head no,” There must have been a reason?”

“I don’t have one. She did what she wanted and I just backed off,” I am getting mad and I don’t like the questions.

“Do you hate Bethany,” Dr. Hill asks and I roll my eyes, more questions for me,” Guy please take this seriously, do you hate your sister Beth?”

“What does it matter, she fucking despises me,” I get the words out and that’s when Beth decides to add her two cents.

“I never said that,” Beth states and I turn my attention to her.

“You didn’t need to; everything you have ever done has come from your absolute hate for me. You had your brother attack me; you had people make fun of me at school and had yourself a good ole laugh at my expense and pain. Trust me I know exactly what you think of me,” I finish turning back to the doctor.

“Guy the question does matter and we’ll address Beth in a little while,” Dr. Hill says and I settle in for the inquisition.

Half an hour later I’ve explained how she hates my very existence, Beth not the doctor but I’m beginning to think the doctor isn’t a fan of me either. I’ve given details from my point of view as to things she’s done and said about me to others while the doctor takes her notes. It feels like forever since we started and finally Dr. Hill turns her attention to Beth and we both watch as her phone, the doctor’s, goes off. She answers and tries to explain she’s with a patient before telling the other party she’ll be on her way. I’ve sat through a half an hour of dumping out all my crap to Beth and Doctor Hill and she’s leaving. The doctor tells us that she’ll schedule us a time to continue and walks out of the sitting room. I watch her leave and now I’m very much done. I get up from the couch leaving Bethany where she is, she can rot for all I care, and head up to my room. Mom tries to stop me on the way but I’m not in the mood to stop and I’ve done enough talking. I get to my room and message Jenna letting her know I’m done and free is she wants to talk. I get no response and figure she’s taking care of something with her modeling and let her be. I must have been sitting for about ten minutes when there is a light knock on my door and before I can tell them to go away Beth steps in and closes the door behind her.

“I guess we don’t get to finish our session this week,” Beth’s only real words and it’s a bad joke.

“The sessions are bullshit,” I state and she doesn’t like my comment, I can tell by her expression.

“Not for me, I learned a lot today,” Beth says trying to, and I’m guessing here, actually talk to me.

“Well congratulations, what did you learn that was so special? That I’ve been and emotional wreck most of my life or that I make the world’s greatest whipping boy,” I ask her and she frowns at me, the non pouting kind.

“I learned you’re a hell of a lot better person than I am. I can’t understand how you never hated me and even after I ruined your birthday you just decided to ignore everyone and wait to move on with your life. I could never do that,” Beth states trying to reach me emotionally, bad idea.

“Because you’ve never had anyone taken from you, not anyone that matters,” I get the words out and Beth’s face goes from pleading to anger.

“You think so Guy? Well my birth Mom was taken from me when I was barely out of elementary school and I had to live without anyone till you and Mom came in to our home and we all became a family,” Beth says it and I can tell she’s mad, well get in line.

“No you lost your mother, what happened to her was an accident. It was a horrible tragic accident and when Mom and I came into this household,” I don’t think I’ll ever call them family at this point,” You made it your sole mission in life to take MY Mom from me and make her YOUR Mom. And you did and you smiled and laughed and the whole time you ruled the house, at least as far as us kids were concerned.”

“I didn’t take her,” Beth says and I am out of my chair and two feet from her in a flash.

“Doesn’t fucking tell me what you did or didn’t do? I was there and I lived it. You sat there and drowned me out of everything. YOUR mother took my father from me, the one person who actually loved me no matter what and when it was all said and done you just walked up and bat your eyes and she stopped being MY mother and started being YOUR mother. So now that we have that piece of history out of the way don’t you look at me and try to say you’ve had anything taken from you because to you everything is replaceable,” I’m hot and for once Beth doesn’t look so confident.

Hell with confidence she is hurt, I am still unbelievably pissed off as she backs away from me and opening the door rushes out of my room and past Mom who has by the look on her face heard everything I said. Mom could cry if I pushed the right buttons but I don’t know if it’s mercy or just emotional exhaustion that has me leave my door open and return to my computer chair. Mom takes a minute to herself before coming into my room and takes a seat in her chair she bought.

“I’ll always be your Mom Guy,” she says and I shrug.

“Yeah, not much I can do about you giving birth to me,” I state feeling a little drained.

“I know you have a hard time believing it but I do love you. I’ve loved you since I first held you and I never stopped,” Mom says and I sigh audibly,” I saw Dr. Hill leave early, she said something about an emergency?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care. All she did is ask me questions for a half hour and when I asked to turn it towards Beth for a bit she told me that it would happen later and then she leaves,” I recap the session for Mom.

“Well I am sorry about what happened between your father and I, the divorce and the custody fight. I didn’t think about what I did till years later,” Mom says and I cut her off.

“You knew exactly what you were doing, the one time in my childhood you were fully aware of what was happening. It was also the most sober I remember you being,” I state not feeling nice.

“I was sober, the lawyer I hired rode my ass for his paycheck and I hated nagging, even growing up,” Mom brings her childhood into the conversation,” I just couldn’t lose you. You were all I had and I just couldn’t go on without you.”

“Yeah, you needed me to wake you up for work and make sure the apartment didn’t burn down,” I may be lashing out but I feel like I deserve to.

“I was scared I’d never be accepted by Abby and Beth, that’s why I focused on them for so long. And I didn’t ever think I was neglecting you because I married Mark Sr. and made your life better. I always, ALWAYS, thought of you as being stronger than others. You did take care of me and I came to realize that too late and when I should have said or done things with you,” Mom says and I shrug.

“Well they’ll need you after I’m gone, Beth definitely will when she figures out that the world doesn’t revolve around her,” I state and Mom grimaces.

“She’s not a bad girl, needed to learn what sharing and family was earlier but not a bad girl,” Mom says to defend her and I laugh.

“Yeah and that’s why I know that in the long run they will always be more important to you than I am. You set out to keep me as a trophy and when the new happier batch of children came along I got dumped. Call it whatever you want but it was easier for you to be a mother to kids who didn’t have to clean up vomit before going to school than it was to even try to a mother to me,” I state letting too much of my temper out in my words.

“You were never a trophy, you were always my son and I was never a good mother to you and I wanted to be. I always thought we were doing well and when Mark helped me get sober I only saw better things in our future. I didn’t look back at our lives with any sense of what actually happened. I wish I would have ‘seen’ what I was doing before everything that happened but as Mark Jr. keeps telling me I need to focus on now and do what I can,” Mom says determined and ready for the next volley of hate.

“I don’t know, I like the makeup gift,” I gesture to the super system Mom bought,” But honestly it’s like I’m making friends with Abby and Mark, Beth is only doing this to make sure you don’t hate her and you have guilt.”

“I have guilt but I love you, you are my son and I will love you till I die,” Mom says it and I don’t hesitate.

“Or I die,” the words come out and she gives me a upset look,” I don’t want to but someone tried once already, nicked my guts with a knife and left me to bleed out.”

“I still don’t understand what you were doing so far away from home that day. I know you don’t want to talk about it and even the police can’t figure out what you were doing out there but I just want to know my son,” Mom doesn’t say again, I find that telling,” I want us to be a family. A real family.”

“Maybe you should have been paying attention back when you sobered up, I was there but I wasn’t ever a part and all the therapy in the world isn’t making them,” I point out the door to the rest of the house,” feel like a family. I don’t feel like a family when I’m with you.”

“Do you want to feel like family with us? With me,” Mom asks and I have to think.

“I don’t know, I did years ago. I wanted it a lot and I prayed that everything that happened was one bad dream. Then I’d wake up and go to school by myself, I’d come home and be drowned out by your children and at the end of the day I felt alone. I still feel alone when I’m here,” I try to explain without being hurtful.

“We could find your Father, I know Neal would come see you if he knew where you were,” Mom says and I shake my head.

“If he wanted me he would have found me and he would have done it years ago. I tried to find him and the courts said he wasn’t in the country so they couldn’t contact him for any sort of visitation,” I explain my original plan to Mom who takes in the knowledge of my attempt to leave her once before,” I hoped he would fight for me or at least be waiting but he didn’t and isn’t.”

“Guy I am so sorry I did this to you but,” Mom pauses and I don’t know how much more sorry I can take,” I would do anything to show you how much I love you, I know you don’t feel it and after so long I can only blame myself. Do you think there is anything left for us?”

I don’t know, I would like to give her a straight answer and either give her hope or some measure of resolution to this situation but honestly I don’t know. I shrug my shoulders and sigh as an answer which amazingly is interpreted as an answer. After Mom steps out of the room I check to see if Jenna responded back to my message, no luck but she’s probably busy.

And more time, about two weeks putting us at the beginning of December rolls on and I’m still living the good life. Well not good but better than I was. People keep asking me how Jenna and I are doing but it’s less now. Beth has been avoiding talking to me at school and even at home. Abby is trying to figure out what is the deal with my new relationship, her words not mine. I’ve been set up to go out with Mark to the gym since my cast came off after seven weeks of being stuck on me. Mostly however it’s Jenna and I. We smile and laugh and I keep things cool on my end even though I’m shaking. People see us together and I think she’s made peace with her ex Brandon, I’ve seen them talking a little here and there but as soon as I’m around she’s with me and it’s our time. Monday of first week in December and I’m at a bit of a nervous point in my relationship. Every time I’ve gone out with Jenna she’s asked me. Mostly that’s because she has been busy with her modeling and photography but the Winter Formal is coming up and while I know she’s getting ready I figure she’s been waiting for me to ask. I catch her at lunch and there is Brandon just hanging around as Jenna pulls away and comes to be with me. We don’t get very far when I figure I should bring up the most pressing subject of my week.

“So Winter Formal is coming up Saturday,” I tell Jenna like she doesn’t know but she does.

“Oh yeah, I’m absolutely ready for it,” Jenna says with a smile and I smile back this will be easy.

“So did you want me to pick you up, I can rent a car or limo? We can arrive in style,” I ask smiling and she doesn’t share my enthusiasm.

“Pick me up,” the high school supermodel asks.

“Yeah, we’ve been going out together for a month now and I’m pretty sure taking my date to the Formal is something a man needs to plan for,” I am stating facts that I’m not sure I should be.

“We’ve been hanging out for a month but date? I can’t go with you Brandon already asked me,” Jenna says it and I don’t think I have feeling in my legs.

“Brandon? Your ex Brandon asked you and you said yes,” I don’t know if I’m asking or clarifying.

“Well we started getting back together over a week ago and when he asked I told him yes and were all official again,” Jenna is saying the words and I honestly wish for Hector to come drag me off to a beating.

“So what about us,” I ask and actually dread the answer.

“Us? Oh you’re so sweet and such a good friend. I know you were looking out for me being single and all but I’m back with Brandon. We’re meant to be together and he finally came to his senses,” Jenna says it, I hurt and she doesn’t even stop,” Don’t worry about me Guy, I’ll be alright and we can go have dinner Sunday after the dance, just us friends, okay?”

I watch her get up and walk away, probably back to Brandon but where I’m at right now is empty. I thought I was empty before when I had nothing, now I have nothing. All plans I made to stay in the area were for her… us. Now there is no us. There never was an us. I was her fool and she played me. I head to my last classes of the day and do nothing. I sit, stare blankly and exit to the next class until school is out. I am walking through the parking lot to get to Abby’s car but pass it only to finally get stopped by Abby who catches up to me and guides me back to the passenger side door and helps me in. I’m aware that people are watching me confused, some are talking and some of them I even know the names of but for the life of me I couldn’t care. I thought I was strong with not caring before but now I know the true emptiness. Abby brings us home trying to talk to me the entire way but I don’t answer her, I don’t even grunt or nod. I sit there and feel hollowed out. Abby helps me out of the car and almost immediately when I get inside Mom is there and she is concerned. They talk about what happened to me today, Abby doesn’t know and Mom is trying to ask me questions as I walk dead but towards my room. Once in my room I lie down on my bed and stare into space, or more accurately the blank spot on my wall. Yeah, life loves sucker punching the shit out of my plans, hopes and dreams.

Mark Delauter Sr.

Just when I believed that things might actually be coming together as a family and something screws with Guy. The therapist isn’t earning her pay and I’m scheduled to tell her as such after her last session with Guy and Bethany nobody can convince Guy to sit down with her. Doctor Hill is a highly recommended family relations specialist but I am beginning to believe that Guy needs a developmental specialist. Specifically one that specializes in cases of neglect. I love my wife but I don’t know if she can see how much neglect her son grew up in and how devastating it has been on his emotional reactions. It’s been two days now since Guy’s remain silent and do nothing vigil began and I don’t know when it will end. If he were just being lazy and playing video games all day or screwing around I’d be fine with it but he’s just laying there and doesn’t respond to anyone. Even Doctor Hill gave it her best to reach him but all she said was something set him into this state and when he comes out let him come to us. I’m not that passive and have all three of my children back in my office again only this time everyone knows why they are here.

“We need to do something about Guy and this null state he seems to be in,” I tell my children from my desk chair.

“I could drop him in the pool, he’ll swim out to keep from drowning,” Mark, my muscle head defender offers and I shake him off.

“Mark we need to get him out of bed and in the shower, then we can change him and bring him down to eat,” Abigail offers her idea and I give them the nod.

Two of my children step out of my office leaving only Bethany behind whom quietly decides to step out of the room.

“Beth, take a seat,” I offer my daughter who freezes at the door,” Close the door first.”

I let her close the door and wait for her to take her seat before I begin. She’s scared and while she has reason to be this is not the time for her fear, this is about Guy.

“What do the other high school students say about Guy,” I ask her and she pauses for a second.

“Mostly they talked about how he is part of the family and has been following around Jenna like a puppy,” Beth explains and I remember the girl, a hot commodity for high school.

“So did anything happen on Monday? Anything you heard about that could have triggered something like this,” I ask and she fidgets,” Beth if you did something tell me now otherwise if there is something that happened we need to know so we can try to help him.”

“Jenna brought him to reality,” my daughter says and if it isn’t evident I have no clue what she’s talking about,” Guy has been running around school after her for a month doing everything and calling her his girlfriend, he tried asking her to the Winter Formal and she gave him the bad news that she’s back with her boyfriend Brandon. Everyone knew they’ve been back together for a couple weeks now and she finally just gave Guy his passport.”

“Passport,” I ask confused but more understanding of the situation.

“Yeah, to the friend zone where all girls put boys that they like kinda but don’t really like at all,” Bethany explains and I shake my head.

“So did you know that Jenna was back with her boyfriend while Guy was following her around love struck,” I ask and Beth nods,” Why didn’t you tell him?”

“Because he’s dumb, how dumb do you have to be to see that he was never in Jenna’s league? Dad he wasn’t even in Jenna’s sport and the fact that he never got anywhere with her could not have been a bigger sign that she wasn’t interested in him,” Beth explains and I don’t get my answer, yet.

“If she wasn’t interested in him why take him out to dinner and all those dates they went on,” I already know the answer but I’m looking for confirmation.

“Because all Jenna’s money is in college and her modeling. Brandon doesn’t have money and is praying for a scholarship this year to get into college so Guy was perfect for her to get a little of the good life,” Beth says it and it dawns on her what has been going on.

“So why didn’t you say something if you knew all this was happening,” I ask and she shakes he head.

“Because he hates me, Guy does,” I hear her say it but Guy has never shown anything to support it,” Dad you don’t see it but it’s there every day. He’s always watching me waiting for me to do something to him. He sits around when he wasn’t out with Jenna looking at everyone here. I’m sorry but he’s going to do something and its scares me sometimes.”

I shake my head at my poor daughter; she can’t see anything beyond her own selfish ways. I move to the chair in front of my desk next to her and she knows something is different. All punishments are handed out from behind the desk, now I’m in front of it.

“I’ve seen him watching all of us but he’s not angry or hurt. He’s scared,” I say it and she shakes her head.

“Dad you got it all wrong,” Bethany begins and I stop her.

“I will finish, for over three years that young man has had nothing. We all went about our lives smiling and laughing all the while where was he? He was there watching and when he tried to get close we shut him out. Sometimes it was an accident,” I state the facts for my daughter,” and sometimes it was intentional. He was nervous because in our family he didn’t know his place and when you forced him into the position you did.”

“Daddy I’ve apologized to everyone and to Guy if he’d come to a session again and listen about that. I was wrong and I tried to get him out of his shell with the Halloween party but he just doesn’t want to. He hates me and can’t forgive me,” my daughter explains her side, interrupting me.

“Yes Bethany, you tried once to be his sister. Once and when it failed you went back to quiet denial. And as for the therapy sessions I don’t know if Dr. Hill is the best person for Guy considering she’s done almost as much to drive him away as to help bring him out of his shell. What is wrong with Guy sounds simple; Jenna gave him hope and a plan. Everything he’s done in the past month was for her and now she’s pushed him aside, just like the rest of us did for years. If I disowned you right now and kicked you out how hard would your life be,” I ask Bethany who pales at the thought.

“I’d be homeless, Daddy are you kicking me out? I’ve tried with Guy,” Beth pleads and I cut her off.

“I’m not kicking you out I’m making a point so you understand. If I disowned you your life would be empty. No family, no money, no home and no good living yes,” I ask and she nods,” Emotionally that’s where Guy is. He had none of us he could confide in when he was hurt. Nobody to learn from when he needed help and certainly nobody to explain to him when a gold digging girl is screwing him over to the amusement of the school.”

“Daddy she’s a friend,” Beth begins and I end it.

“Anyone who would use this family is not a friend; she’s not even an acquaintance. She went out of her way to use your brother and you allowed it to happen,” my words seem to have an impact as some realization hits my daughter,” I’m sorry Bethany but if everyone here is trying to bring this family back together as we agreed that we would do and include Guy how are you doing your part?”

I have her thinking, something she hasn’t been doing in concerns to Guy. I don’t want to believe that she would be so naïve to think that after a time the family would go back to the way things were but it’s becoming more the case these past few days. I allow my daughter to leave and sit quietly thinking about what to do on my own end. A couple thousand dollars for an entertainment system is one thing but how do I get that boy to come out of his shell towards me, hell with me, and his mother. Big tasks ahead in this family and we’re running out of time. Guy added college courses to his schooling but he can quit those at anytime and graduate before spring. I want him to stay and I’d ask him to stay if it would do any good but considering where we are now I know it won’t so back to planning. Oh yeah and the assault case I’m first chairing this week.

Guy Donnelly

I know days have gone by but I really don’t care, I don’t feel compelled to do anything right now and even though Mark and Abby pulled me into a shower to clean me up it did little to spur anything out of me. I think I’ve been missing classes but it doesn’t matter, not a thing seems to matter at all. People don’t matter, family doesn’t matter, I don’t matter. It’s this dull empty feeling of nothing and it doesn’t change. Mom has come in a few times to speak with me but I don’t react to her words. Abby and Mark both come in to check on me and still I feel nothing. I don’t know what is happening in the world and I don’t care to. It’s dead and I’m dead in it. More talking is happening but it sounds different, Bethany is in the room I think and she’s trying to get my attention and yet I don’t move. I see she’s in front of me now and still talking to me as I lay on my bed facing the window.

“Guy get up, I need you to get up please,” Bethany asks and I don’t move but I do wonder why.

She pulls at the robe Mark and Abigail dressed me in to get me up and pleads for me to move but I don’t feel any motivation to do so. I wait for Beth to give up as she usually does but she’s being persistent.

“Guy come on, I need you to get up,” Beth struggles trying to move me to a sitting position.

My body relents, why it is relenting I will never know, but it does allow her to move me so that I’m sitting upright and then standing as Beth takes a breath before leading me out of my room. I am led by the hand down stairs and I don’t hear much of anything going on except the TV in one of the rooms. Mom is in the TV room watching something and it’s still day outside but barely as Beth leads me to the couch and I hear her and Mom speak.

“Beth what are you doing,” Mom asks confused and a little upset.

“Helping okay, I’m just trying to help now stay in your seat please,” Beth says to Mom who is sitting at one end of the couch,” Come on Guy, you can lay back down right here.”

Beth moves me onto the couch and then to a laying down position where my head is resting on my Mother’s lap. It is odd to me… wait odd, I was feeling nothing why is this odd. I leave it alone as Mom begins to stroke my hair with her fingers while her show prattles on about topics from and ‘empowered’ and ‘educated’ point of view meaning ‘moneyed’ and ‘famous’. I don’t know how many shows Mom watches while I lay there with my head in her lap but at some point she begins humming, I recognize the song as ‘You are My Sunshine’ but why is it familiar coming from her. More importantly why the hell am I feeling anything right now? I was in a voided state, I was at peace and now I’m feeling. I sound like the Grinch but he felt all bad, I felt nothing which was better. Why was it better? I didn’t feel pain. Why was I in pain? Because everyone wants me to have pain. What did I do to deserve that? I was born? I am unlucky? Fate wants someone to pay? Why am I thinking this much and why does Mom humming a fucking song sound so soothing and confusing all at once? She keeps brushing my hair with her fingers and it keeps me in a mindset that I don’t want to move. I can move and I can get up and move but I don’t want to right now. Big difference from my not caring to move, I don’t want to. I must have dozed off as I wake up and Mom isn’t humming, she’s snoring and it’s dark outside. I sit up and look around, nobody watching and the TV is playing some infomercial for a belt that makes you thinner. Fucking duh people the thing is a girdle. Shut the TV off and shake Mom.

“Mom? Mom, get up,” I wake her breaking the snoring.

“What happened, did I fall asleep honey,” Mom asks waking up.

“Yeah Mom, come on time to get you to bed,” I get up from the couch and help my Mother up.

She doesn’t need my help walking to her room but she’s happy to have my arm around her shoulders. I guide her to bed, more so her bedroom door where her husband, my step father, is sleeping.

“Guy is you able to make it to bed,” Mom asks and I nod yes,” Okay, get some sleep and I’ll see you in the morning.”

I want to say later in the morning but I don’t care what time it is mostly because I want to go back to sleep. Waking up and checking my alarm clock to see it’s Friday and I’m a fucking moron for losing so much time is my first thoughts of the morning. I haven’t shaved in a few days and I shower on my own for once getting myself clean and groomed. Well shaved really, I don’t do shit with my hair leaving it a minor mess and when I see my ‘Jenna era’ clothing I almost want to burn something. I opt for loose but fitting jeans and a t shirt with a flannel and boots. It’s comfortable and allows me to feel human again… well more human than I normally feel. I have been taking too long this morning and don’t have time for breakfast as I rush to catch Abby who has left already for school leaving me with rush to the bus as a viable option.

“Hey Guy, want a ride,” I hear Beth ask me and I have to pause and think before nodding yes to it.

My sisters have had their own cars for a year or so now and it shows that despite their twin status they are different. Abby has a Prius, its economic and good for the environment or in other words: super safe. Bethany on the other hand got herself an extended cab Ford F-350; I have no idea as to why other than she sits up higher than a lot of other girls thus helping with her queen bee status. I’ve never been in her truck before but it smells like strawberries from a car scented can or something. I’ve also never ridden with Beth which lets me in on a secret fact, she’s crazy. Lack of blinker, running yellow lights and abrupt lane changes are just the basics aside from speeding and more speeding. We arrive barely after Abigail unless we went back in time like Doc Brown. She parks and I head off to class with a little wave to her for the ride, I think she smiled at me but I’m not sure.

Making up class work is going to suck but not as much as people talking about me and what happened. At least I think they’re talking about Jenna destroying me on Monday but since its Friday I don’t know if that’s it or what. I’m at lunch grabbing my to go bag as usual when I see Jenna and Brandon walking around like the power couple they are and even though it takes her a minute she recognizes me in my normal clothes and not Jenna approved attire. She takes a second to separate from Brandon who smiles when she tells him where she’s going and I just get my drink when she makes it over to me.

“Guy you’re back, I missed seeing you this week. After Monday I didn’t know what to think,” Jenna says and I shrug.

“Yeah neither did I,” I keep it simple and vague, I like simple and vague.

“So I spoke with Brandon and he thinks it would be good if you came with us to the Winter Formal,” Jenna says it and I don’t know where my brain and mouth are when I answer.

“Why did he need someone to pay for his tuxedo, cause I’m tapped out on charity,” I say the words and wonder where it came from.

“Oh no silly, we just want you to know that you have a couple friends that want you to know you aren’t alone,” she said that, she actually fucking said that.

“Ah I see, you need me to rent a car or something like I offered Monday when I asked you,” I remind Jenna who looks puzzled,” Here let me tell you what I can do for you… everything you ask for.”

“Well if you get the car we can pay for your ticket in and the three of us will have a great time,” Jenna begins to go on but I stop her.

“Jenna you misunderstand, I said that was what I ‘can’ do for you. What I ‘will’ do for you is not a damn thing,” I get the words out and she actually looks confused as to my attitude.

“Guy what is wrong with you? I’m your friend,” Jenna says the words and I laugh a little.

“I don’t have friends, friends are just people who use you till they don’t need you anymore and I’m done with of being your free meal,” I get the words out and turn to leave.

Nothing comes after me, no trying to talk, no pleading and certainly no Jenna as I get outside and it in the outdoor walkway to eat. Chicken salad in a plastic container and chocolate milk with an apple, it’s healthy and I’m being interrupted by someone I haven’t spoken to in months.

“Hey Guy, you okay man,” Romeo asks and he looks a little different.

He’s still skinny and has his hair groomed nicely but instead of polo shirt and slacks he’s got blue jeans and a white button up shirt with a black rag in his back pocket. He’s with Carlos now, well that’s awesome in the tune of not.

“I’m alive and moving,” I respond taking a bite of my apple.

“I see that, listen it’s been two months and the boys…,” Romeo actually calls them boys.

“Boys, who’s boys,” I ask and he catches himself.

“Carlos and Hector, you know, my boys,” he clarifies and I have to ask.

“When did it happen,” I ask waiting for something I can use.

“Back in early October, I’ve been trying to get in with the crew and now I am,” he says it and he says it with pride.

“And what exactly did you have to do to get in with them,” I ask standing up.

“Oh just a couple things for Carlos,” Romeo says realizing that he’s missing his original point,” Listen Carlos wants you to come around after school so he can talk to you.”

“Carlos wants to speak with me, no thank you,” I keep my reply short and simple.

“Listen it’s not like that,” Romeo tries to explain but I don’t care.

“Really how is it like? Explain to me after three years of being singled out and assaulted by a gang how it’s not like when they send their new boy to come lead me somewhere so they can ‘talk’ with me alone,” I ask the question and Romeo is quick to answer.

“Because they didn’t do it. Yeah they’ve done shit before but what happened to you wasn’t them,” Romeo says and I laugh.

“And I’m supposed to believe you? Just take the word of the new boy who just so happens to get his ‘stripes’ as soon as I am in the hospital fighting for my life,” I say the words and he backs up defensive.

“I didn’t do anything to you,” he says the words and I smile, sinister smile I think.

“And you didn’t do anything for me either; years I sat around and took all sorts of shit from YOUR boys. They beat me, humiliated me and left me for dead,” Romeo wants to counter but I hold up my hand to stop him,” I don’t care what you say; you are shit just like them. Carlos wants to speak to me; I want Carlos to die in a fire with his whole fucking family. Is that spelling things out for you? Does that make my point clear?”

“Dude he wants to make peace,” Romeo says quietly and I sneer.

I don’t say anything more as I pack up the remainder of my lunch and throw it away. Romeo stands there watching me to see if I’ll follow him, well he can wait for a year and it still won’t be enough time for me to make peace. I don’t like it when I get mad, I feel like I can’t control what happens and what I said to Romeo doesn’t feel like me. It feels foreign and ugly. I make it through the rest of my day peacefully except something is going on as I’m heading out to either find a ride home or catch the bus when I’m stopped by three sets of varsity jackets and the wall of flesh to fill them.

“Hey are you Guy,” one asks and I shrug.

“I am a guy if that’s what you’re asking,” I reply keeping my humor to myself.

“No like your name, is it Guy,” the big one, they’re all big but he’s bigger, asks.

“I don’t know, I’ll have to check my ID in my car. Can you give me a second,” I ask and he nods.

I step past the wall and into the parking lot looking for Abby’s car or Beth’s truck only to find I have too far to walk to get there when I see a familiar black Challenger pull up. The goons have picked up on the fact that I’m probably the ‘Guy’ they were looking for and are quick to catch up as Mark exits his car leaving it running.

“Hey get back here,” Football goon number two calls to me as Mark steps up.

Three on one isn’t too good but Mark is about their size and he might know how to fight, at least he will more than I do.

“Back off my bro, now,” Mark tells the three who are prepared to stand up to him.

“We’re supposed to bring him to Brandon,” the first and largest goon explains.

“Okay, well go get Brandon and tell him that Guy’s brother is here and I’m looking for him. Better yet, go get him for me,” Mark counters and now I think he confused them.

I watch the three leave quickly as Mark turns back to his car and parks. I’d like to leave in the time frame now to two minutes ago but Mark isn’t budging from the hood of his car as he waits for Brandon. It takes a few minutes but Brandon shows up with the three goons from the football team and Brett, Bethany’s boyfriend. Mark spots them and stands up off his hood waving me over to his side.

“Listen Guy, I just wanted to talk with you about what you said to Jenna,” Brandon begins before Mark interrupts.

“No, you listen to me. Brandon right? That is my brother, you send three goons to come get him like a fucking thing,” Mark asks and now everyone is confused by the hostility in Mark except me.

“I was just trying to find him,” Brandon says and Mark looks away from him to Brett.

“Brett you know me right,” Mark asks and Brett nods,” I got you on Varsity when you needed a shot after I graduated. I helped you sneak out after you almost got caught over at the house without permission from my folks.”

“Yeah, Brandon this is Bethany’s brother. They’re both her brothers actually,” Brett explains and Brandon looks unmoved by the news.

“Okay well I just wanted to talk to him,” Brandon explains as Mark steps aside.

“Go right ahead but I don’t like what I hear I’m ending your football career,” Mark threatens and now I’m a little uncomfortable with all this.

“Listen Guy, Jenna was trying to be nice after everything you did for us. You were there to keep her safe while I figured things out,” Brandon begins and I counter.

“You mean while you screwed other girls, that’s what you were doing, screwing other girls,” my argument is based in fact, facts he doesn’t like.

“Listen you’re a good friend to Jenna and she doesn’t understand why you are so angry with her. I get that you have feelings for her but we’re meant to be together,” the black running back explains and I almost laugh.

“How many girls were you ‘meant to be with’ when you were thinking about how to get back together with Jenna? Two? Four? How many were you screwing while she was crying because her ‘true love’ wanted ‘less expensive pussy’,” I ask and now Brandon is getting a little upset.

“It wouldn’t have worked between you,” Brandon begins and I’m in the finishing mood.

“Yes, it wouldn’t have worked because I’m a person and she’s a soul sucking gold digger,” I say the words and barely see the punch coming.

Brandon took his best shot but Mark is bigger and faster grabbing the arm mid flight and stopping it altogether.

“Hiding behind big brother,” Brandon sneers and I smile.

“Mark let him go, its okay,” I ask Mark who releases Brandon’s arm,” Now let me explain something to you Brandon. I’m not a fighter, that’s been proven but I am a very upset individual so I’m going to keep this in words for both our sakes. You will probably hit me, I’ll fall down, and you’ll feel big because you defended Jenna.”

“Like a man should,” Mark adds and I nod in agreement.

“Problem is that’s all you can do, bolster up big and hit me but after that what? Go back to Jenna and tell her how I called her on her shit and it offended you,” I ask and nods,” Problem is I’ll heal up after you hit me but I’ll still be right. You can defend her ‘honor’ all you want but she’s a thief and a liar.”

“Fuck you,” Brandon growls and I smile.

“I’m right here, hit me if you want but guess what? I’ll still be right, Jenna will still be a gold digger and you’ll just be the football player that completes her picture,” I tell him holding my arms out defenseless.

Okay I couldn’t mount a defense to save my life without Mark here in a four on one. I’d like to think Brett would try to get them off of me but who knows. Brandon is pissed and I’m smiling as he turns and stalks off towards his car or Jenna, I don’t care which. The football brigade follows him including Brett who gives me a light nod before leaving. I get in Mark’s car and we leave school heading towards home.

“You’re not following me around at school trying to find me are you,” I ask and he laughs.

“No, Beth messaged me and said I needed to get you from school since people were looking for you,” Mark explains and I have to clarify.

“Beth, Miss ‘Fucking-your-life-up-for-shits-and-giggles’ Beth. Your sister Beth,” I ask and he nods.

“Your sister too bro, she got worried and apparently this Jenna chick was bitching about you telling her off or something and wanted Brandon to straighten you out man to man,” Mark explains his message from Beth.

“Okay and I get all that but Beth,” I ask and he nods,” Oh what fresh hell has this got me now?”

Mark doesn’t understand what I’m talking about but I figure Beth is either being nice so that Mom doesn’t hate her or she wants something from me. It explains why she led me out of bed and my nothing to Mom but I’m still wondering what is going on with Mom singing to me and brushing my hair. More so why it’s still sticking with me. Mark and I get in the door to the house and I don’t get half way across the foyer when I hear a voice I didn’t want to hear.

“Guy, it’s good to see you here. I’ve been hoping to have you back in the sessions so we can get to work on everything,” Dr. Hill says with a light smile.

“Yeah well keep hoping because I’m not interested in sitting down and doing anything, especially if it involves you,” I inform her and continue past to the stairs and hopefully my room.

“Guy please wait a moment, I understand you are upset that our last session with Beth ended abruptly and I apologize for that but we were making great headway,” Dr. Hill explains and I stop to listen,” You were showing Beth your actual feelings and I want to try to do the same today with your mother.”

“No,” I answer and turn to the stairs and head to my room.

I get my bag set down and almost get my homework out when a light knock at my door tells me Mom is outside. I get the door for her and hold it open so she can step in but she declines.

“Honey I think if you come down stairs we’ll have a lot to discuss with Dr. Hill,” Mom says and I shake my head.

“I don’t like her and I don’t think she’s anything other than an overpaid bullshit artist. Also I have a week of homework to get done,” I explain yet Mom looks determined.

“We had a moment yesterday and I really want to discuss that,” Mom says and I am ready to invite her in so we can,” With you and Dr. Hill.”

“Okay explain something to me because I don’t understand, she is a good doctor right? A good head shrinker or whatever right,” I ask and Mom nods,” Then how is it if she’s so great that I don’t trust a single thing she says?”

“Honey have you given her a chance,” Mom asks and I sigh.

“Several, every session I’m doing all the talking and everyone just sits there as more and more questions are asked of me when I’m not the one with the problem, I am perfectly fine to pack my shit and walk out at anytime. It’s everyone else that seems to have some super sized problem with my leaving,” I say it and Mom looks hurt, damn it,” Mom it’s not like I’m just saying…”

“You’re saying that you are giving too much and not getting anything,” Dr. Hill answers from behind Mom and I groan,” This is a good point on your perception so let’s head downstairs where we can discuss this further.”

I am lead downstairs by Mom who is happy I’m not fighting her all the way down and once we are seated in the sitting room with the door closed Dr. Hill begins.

“I see you’ve changed your clothing style,” Dr. Hill remarks and I shrug,” Any particular reason?”

“A bitch,” I keep it short since it’s not family I don’t care to talk about it.

“That language has no place…,” Dr. Hill begins and Mom chimes in.

“No she is a bitch, Guy spent time and money on her and she just dragged his emotions through the dirt then expected him to like where he was,” Mom states and I am a little surprised at the venom in Mom.

“Seems there is a unanimous opinion about this girl among the two of you, that’s good,” Dr. Hill states and I shrug again,” Your mother doesn’t like to see you in pain and her aggression towards this female mirrors your own.”

“Yay Mom we can hate on people in unison,” I mock cheer and Mom smiles lightly.

“Guy when we were here last, you and I, Beth was here and we were discussing how you didn’t think about hurting her back. I was speaking with your Mother before you arrived today about that and she thinks is an admirable trait considering both she and your father are known for having vicious tempers,” Dr. Hill begins and I end.

“I know she told you some… things about my Dad but I’m going to make this perfectly clear. Speak about my father at all again in any session and I walk out. I will not come back or attend any future sessions I don’t care who asks. Do you understand me,” I state keeping my voice level but inside I’m boiling.

“Guy I’m simply stating,” She starts and I stop her.

“Yes or no, Yes you understand and will not say a word concerning my Father or No you will continue this session and all future ones without me,” I clarify and Dr. Hill pauses letting me finish.

“I’m not saying anything negative about the man, you have a great deal of love and respect for him. I’m simply stating that you don’t seem to bear traits of your parent’s tempers,” She won’t let it go.

“Dr.Hill what the hell did I just say,” I ask standing up.

“Guy, sit down for a minute,” Mom asks and I pause before sitting back down,” Thank you. Dr. Hill I told you about my ex husband so you could understand a happier time in my son’s life. He has asked you to refrain from discussing his father. I need you to respect his wishes on this.”

“Mrs. Delauter I am attempting to help you and your son with your relationship and that leads back to your divorce and his father is a prime factor in that event,” Dr. Hill begins and Mom stands up interrupting her,” Mrs. Delauter please let me finish.”

“I just did. Guy go upstairs honey and grab your coat, we’re getting dinner out tonight,” Mom says and I leave the room with speed.

I don’t know why she had me grab a coat when it’s December in Texas, which is warmer than most think. We barely get snow. I return downstairs with my old beat up winter coat to see Mom speaking with Mr. D.

“She is rude and doesn’t seem to care about what happens with my son, pay her for the session and fire her ass Mark. I’ll be taking Guy out to get some food for the family, his choice,” Mom tells her husband while Dr. Hill stands there in a stunned state.

I follow Mom to her SUV and we’re out of the driveway probably before the ink dries on Dr. Hill’s final check.
Mark Delauter Senior

“Well there was nothing more I could do to bring him together with the rest of the family so I focused on your wife. His defense of his biological father is strong and when she felt I ‘betrayed’ her confidence and pushed on with the bringing her ex into the discussion she it bridged part of the gap between them,” Dr. Hill explains in my office.

“And you felt the need to upset my wife and step son like this why,” I ask beginning to side with my family on the doctor.

“Because there was nothing more I could do at this time, after the session where I had to leave and see my sister in the hospital I lost what little of Guy’s trust and patience he had left for me. I was hoping that we would be able to have another session where I could focus on your daughter and have him see how scared and vulnerable she was after the death of her mother,” Dr. Hill continues to explain and I see some of her logic.

“So now what do we do to get you in a position so that you can continue helping bring this family together,” I ask and she smiles a little.

“Pay me for the session; tell them you threatened me with termination and that you haven’t decided whether or not we’ll pick up where we left off after the holidays. With any luck we’ll have more to work with and Guy will be more involved,” Dr. Hill explains as I cut another check.

I will admit that Guy and Loretta are looking closer after the past two days but I’m more concerned with longevity than immediate results.

Guy Donnelly

Mom laying down the fucking law on fucking Dr. Hill is a dream come true. She’s smiling and humming and I don’t even realize I’ve taken her hand until she squeezes mine.

“I do not know what that bitch was doing but I’m not going to let your father be dragged into something that he has nothing to do with,” Mom says and I am curious.

“Why tell her anything,” I really have to ask.

“I thought it would help her see some of what made you happy when you were little. Your father was a good man and I screwed up my marriage and then I screwed him out of his son. I have a lot to answer for but I love that man. He was always the best man when it came to me and you,” Mom says tearing up and I am confused.

“Why didn’t you beg him to stay,” I ask and she shakes her head.

“Because by the time I was able to figure out you both were leaving me I knew I couldn’t lose you both so I just fought for what I could keep which was you. I don’t know how much your father hated me before,” Mom pauses and I think of something.

“I think he gave up on me too,” I say it and Mom almost slams the brakes.

“He never gave up on you. Everything that kept him from you was my doing, my lawyer did whatever it took to get me you in the divorce and I hurt Neal, your father, doing it. Some day he’ll be back and I will pay for what I did to him,” Mom says and I realize we’re in traffic still but not really moving.

“Okay well can we not get too emotional, stopping in to get a to go order while you’re crying isn’t what I’m looking forward too for my evening,” I state with a little laugh and Mom smiles.

We settle on fried chicken from a Kentucky based chain and return home with more than enough food to feed everyone. Food is dished and everyone is at the table eating when Beth decides to ask a few questions.

“Guy are you going to Winter Formal,” Beth asks with half a bite of chicken in my mouth.

“No, why,” I mumble half chewing.

“I think you should go,” Beth states taking a bite of mashed potatoes.

“And why in hell would I want to go. Last time I went to a dance I ended up walking home after taking a beating from a gang and being tossed in a dumpster,” I recount my night at Homecoming,” I’m really not interested in repeating the performance.”

“Well you wouldn’t be going alone, Brett and I would be there and nobody is stupid enough to screw with him and the team,” Beth argues and Mom steps in.

“Beth, Guy doesn’t want to go. You don’t need him to go to make your night better,” Mom says and Beth tries to bring some high school logic into her argument.

“Jenna will be there with Brandon. I say you go to the dance and in front of everyone ask her to dance,” Beth argues and I laugh.

“And you think I want to go to the formal just to ask her to dance so I can get turned down,” I ask shaking my head.

“Maybe she’ll say yes,” Beth argues and Mark laughs a little.

“And maybe monkeys will fly out of her ass,” Mark jokes and I laugh harder.

“Give her a green nose and a broom and we’ve got a real witch,” I add to the joke and now everyone is laughing.

It’s a good moment and even though Beth is laughing I can tell she is die hard on me going to the Winter Formal. Dinner is consumed and instead of heading to my room to begin a weekend of gaming I take Mom to the TV room and sit her down on the couch before lying down to rest my head on her lap. Yes it’s weird and kind of creepy but all that stops as soon as she begins humming and brushing my hair with her fingers. It makes me feel better, the laughing and eating with everyone is nice but I barely feel like I belong anywhere let alone here but Mom doing this with me makes it feel real. We don’t spend the entire night on the couch, maybe an hour or so before I let Mom take care of her stuff and head up to my room. I would like to relax but fate will not allow it as Beth almost follows me from her room to mine ready to wage war on my peace of mind.

“Guy going to the dance is you showing her up for treating you like shit,” Beth argues and I have to turn on her.

“So because she screwed with me for a month, I should go and get some level of revenge against her and cause her to feel badly for what she did,” I ask and Beth smiles a little.

“Yes, it would put her down a peg after what she did dragging you around like a puppy,” Beth states and I shake my head.

“So what should I do to you for revenge after three years of constant and consistent neglect and abuse,” I ask and now the argument is in my corner,” Or how about Mom, what should I do to her for nine plus years of near abandonment and the crap I had to live through before we moved here? Or your Dad? Abigail? Mark? Where does it end if I go around trying to ruin everyone else’s life to make sure I feel better? I’m not a vengeful person; I thought the bad session with Dr. Hill would have shown you that.”

“Okay don’t go but I think you should go. Get out of the house and do something,” Beth argues and I shrug.

“Last time I went outside and ‘did something’ I got my ass beat, stabbed and left for dead,” I state and Beth gives me a look.

“Okay what were you doing when you got jumped in an alley? Nobody knows and we all wondered. We were asked by the police what happened, they asked so many questions about who you were that it made Mom cry because she didn’t have answers,” Beth asks and I shake my head.

“Why should I talk about what I was doing before I was assaulted when the police have been unable to find out who or find evidence that Hector, Carlos or a few of their crew were the ones who did it,” I counter her question with a question as Beth sits on my bed.

“So why not just do something to get them back,” Beth asks and I shake my head again sitting down on my big chair.

“Because it does me no good. I hit them, they hit me and it goes on and on until they kill me or someone goes to jail and I’m the one who seems to be more likely to suffer from another near fatal or fatal injury,” I explain as Beth tries to understand,” I just want to be left alone when it comes to school. I get through my classes and then move on with my life.”

She would love to convince me that I need to take a stand or something but it’s not who I am, you keep fighting wars and you’ll lose. I don’t have a lot and wonder what the cost would be. Beth leaves me to my room and game consoles so that I can relax and not think about dances, revenge or even nine years of familial hell.

Carlos Jimenez Ortega: The following Monday after the Winter Formal

“Big C, we gotta do something ‘bout the heat we got,” Hector is talking again and I gotta deal with his nagging.

“Hector there is nothing to do till I speak with Guy,” I tell my second for the million and eighth time,” We need to sit down and let him know that what happened to him wasn’t us.”

“The boys think we should sit him down and have him tell the cops it wasn’t us,” Hector says it and my boys are nodding; this is why I’m in charge.

“We pull him in and threaten him? Maybe knock him around a little bit,” I ask and my boys nod,” Fucking pendejos that is the shit that put us on the fucking pigs radar in the first place. I let you push him around because we all thought it was fun to fuck with the white kid. Now the white kid has money, a family of lawyers and the police watching us because someone tried to take him out. I will talk to him; I will explain things to him and ask him to speak with the police.”

I send the boys out to classes for the day; my classes consist of two since I’m on my second year. I could have graduated last year but I had more important things like Marta and Hector to keep an eye on. Marta is a good girl and will get the chance to be the bright star in the family, college and big money career if she wants it. Hector on the other needs control, self control and someone to watch him. He took shit too far and while it was funny for a while the constant beatings he and the boys gave that Guy kid turned into a joke you hear too often and it stopped being funny. Now my crew is watched every time we step out and I can’t even take a shit in a gas station bathroom without seeing a cop car outside. Worst part about the whole thing, Abigail. I’ve been in love with that girl for years and now I find out that the boy my right hand has been beating the shit out of is her brother. Step brother but family is family and any chance I had at getting to take her out on a proper date is almost dead and gone. Add to that the two months of being watched by the cops? It’s sad that they won’t let up but we’re not being brought in for questioning anymore. Finally there is Romeo, always wanted to be part of the crew so we make him tutor a couple of the boys including Hector so they graduate on time. I sent him to talk with Guy last week but Guy wasn’t interested in speaking. Might have to do it myself, speaking to Guy to get him to sit down.

After school and I have my people heading back to our neighborhood to see if we’re still being watched and to see if the heroin dealer from summer has tried to move back. Gave him a beating then and when he came back with a couple friends we dropped them and him down a couple notches. My street, my hood, my responsibility but Hector needs to recognize that there is more to do with keeping our streets locked down than jumping drug dealers and taking their cash. It’s a living and it’s been a good one considering we pay up to the Union and they stomp out big time pushers. Back to the end of my school day I’m sitting around waiting for Marta and Romeo when I see Abigail walking on her own and I check to see nobody is around, nobody that matters and I make my way over only to see Marta and Romeo come up to talk with her. I watch the conversation which has my sister and her boyfriend talking to Abigail like something is wrong, I finish heading over concerned for everyone involved.

“Listen Abigail we’ve been friends for years,” Marta says to Abigail and the hot smart girl decides to respond.

“We are friends but our friendship stops at your thug brother and wannabe boyfriend,” Abigail says it and it kind of hurts a little that my dream girl doesn’t like me.

“Someone ask for a thug,” I offer trying to be funny.

I ain’t been hit in years, at least not by anyone other than my moms but Abigail slaps me across my face hard and knowing full well who I am. Marta is shocked and Romeo sounds like he wants to do something by the noise he’s making as I wave for him to stop him.

“No we are not doing anything today Rome,” I tell my newest boy.

“Nobody hits one of us and gets away with it,” Romeo reminds me and I nod.

“We’ve been hitting her family for three years I think I’m owed at least one shot,” I get the words out and she slaps me again, same side,” Or two.”

“You deserve to go to jail for what you’ve done to my brother. You’re a criminal, a gang cliché that would be funny if it wasn’t sad. If you were anything like a man and not some boy playing gang leader you would have turned yourself in with every one of your little henchmen,” Abigail is spitting mad and it’s all over my face.

“We didn’t do anything to your brother, not since before he got stabbed,” I try explain and she almost hits me again.

“You’re scum, your friends are scum and your family is worse off with you and your gang in and around it,” Abigail informs me of how I look to her and it hurts, more than one would think since I’ve been in love with her since I saw her.

“Abby stop for a second okay, what my brother and his people did was wrong but Romeo has been your friend as long as I have,” Marta is trying to plead her case when the man of the hour shows up.

Guy: Right Now

I will not be intimidated, I will not be intimidated, I will not be intimidated. My mantra as I walk over to Abby who is my ride home from school while she is speaking with Carlos aka Ringleader of the Fuck-My-Life group. Oh Marta and Romeo, his new stooge, are there too. I will be calm and I will not give him a reason to fuck with me.

“Hey Abby can we go now,” I ask focusing on my step sister and not the three Latinos speaking to her.

“Guy I’ve been meaning to talk with you,” Carlos says and this is the most civil he’s been ever.

“No thank you I need to go home now,” I say to Carlos and switch to Abby quickly.

“It’s okay, we can leave right now,” my sister says and we turn to leave.

I am leaving, leaving is good. I didn’t wimp out did I? No I was calm, very calm. Like a lake with no ripples calm. Buddhists wish they were this calm. And Romeo has his hand on my shoulder.

“Guy he just wants to make things right man, hear him out,” Romeo informs me and I’m not listening.

“Let me go please,” I’m shaking and my heart is pounding.

“Come on man just two minutes, what is it gonna hurt,” Romeo asks and I am about to explode.

“My eyes, lungs, ribs, groin, right hand, lower intestine, pride, self respect, sense of worth and probably how I deal with social interactions in the future,” I get the whole thing out and confuse the hell out of everyone that isn’t me.

“Abby please just talk with us, both of you. We’re friends,” Marta asks and Abby shakes her head.

“Not now, talking doesn’t help right now and you’re upsetting him,” Abby says removing Romeo’s hand and leading me away.

“Upsetting him, he’s fine we’re not doing anything,” Carlos states catching up and Abby is quick to stop him.

“Except you are following him when he’s trying to leave. You are cornering him when he’s scared,” Abby states quickly as Carlos looks at me confused,” Three years of beatings have him terrified of you and for what? Made you feel big? Made you feel like a man? You’re a pig.”

Abby puts me in the car and I begin to breath slowly, calming down is easier now that we’re moving and I’m not being harassed by Carlos and his thugs. Why the hell is Marta defending Carlos? He’s a fucking gang leader and she’s been outspoken to gangs as a whole. I’m confused but a little proud of myself for not breaking down. Ever since my break up with Jenna I’m wrong inside, well wrong isn’t the best word. More like something is changed and the change is coming faster than I want it too. Abby and I get inside the home and head to my room to continue enhancing my calm as Abby explains what happened to Mom and Mark Jr. It’s about ten minutes later when Mom comes in and finds me sitting on the foot of my bed shaking still. She sits down and puts her arm around me in a half hug rocking me a little, it helps more than I can state. We sit for a while and Mom just smiles as she can tell I’m alright before heading downstairs. I get through homework and am about to turn on the entertainment system when Mark comes in unannounced.

“Bro, gym time,” Mark tells me and not in a suggestion way.

“I’m really feeling out of it man,” I don’t want to be in public but Mark isn’t taking no for an answer.

“This is what you need, get your muscles moving again and to get out of the house and school routine,” Mark is persistent and I figure I’ll play along for a while.

Changed and in his Challenger we’re off to the gym with the promise to Mom that we’ll be back before too late. It’s a good drive and Mark is talking about a million things at the gym for me to do and try, personally I just want to follow him around and do whatever he does.

Carlos: Five minutes after Guy left with Abigail

Well first chance I have to talk with Guy and he starts freaking out and almost runs from me. Not sure what I have to do to get him to sit down with me and make things right or at least not so hostile but that’s why I listen to my sister who is chewing her boyfriend a new asshole.

“What part of ‘leave him alone’ did you not hear,” Marta asks Romeo who is trying to defend himself.

“I wasn’t going to do anything to him babe, I was just trying to get Guy to sit down and talk with us. Or just Carlos,” Romeo explains and I shake my head.

“I was trying to get her to not completely forget that you two are friends you ass. Now that you got in with my brother but now I have to hope and pray I don’t lose one of my only non gang related friends to you not feeling man enough,” Marta is pissed and she does have a bit of a point.

I let the two argue since I’ll be taking Marta home with me today. I say she’ll be going with me because her boyfriend is pissing her off more and more by the minute. I let the couple continue arguing when I see something coming I don’t get to see very often, royalty. The other half of the twin combination in the Delauter family, Bethany, makes her way over to my sister, Romeo and me with a few of her friends.

“Hey guys, could you give Carlos and I a moment,” Bethany, the Princess as my crew calls her, asks Marta and Romeo,” Please.”

“Romeo take Marta home, I’ll be fine,” I tell Rome who quietly leads Marta away.

I watch as the small cheerleader entourage says goodbye to her, I know the word thanks to the show, and we’re left alone. I’m not used to dealing with the upper class or whatever they are called but Bethany is smiling as we head to a bench to sit down. I may have a crush on Abigail for being smart and honest but Beth is insanely hot.

“Someone had it out for you I take it,” she asks pointing to my face.

“Your sister hit me, twice,” I state and she frowns.

“She’s very emotional about our family, we share that. Guy didn’t want to be labeled as having an easy life and asked for distance, it hurt Abby who really wanted him as a brother,” Bethany says explaining a little.

“What did you want,” I ask in turn.

“A happy family. I don’t have that yet but we’re working on it day by day,” she says and I nod,” so can you explain to me why beating on Guy was such a fun pastime that you did it for three years?”

“Ah shit, that’s really a tough one. I know I’m just as screwed on this since I was in charge but I never touched him,” I state and she questions.

“Why didn’t you, everyone else seemed to,” her question is a good one.

“It was for Hector in the beginning, he thought the boy, your brother didn’t respect him. We’re taught you either learn respect or you get taught respect so Hector and a couple of the boys tried to teach him respect,” I explain recounting history from our point.

“And why didn’t that just be the end of it,” she asks and I rest my head on my hand.

“Because Guy talked. Had he shut up and not said anything Hector wouldn’t have been so bent on making sure the lesson sticks,” I explain and I think she’s getting it,” The crew shut up and gave witness that nobody did anything and Guy was left out looking like a fool. After that Hector just kept coming back and half the time I heard about what they did after the fact.”

“So what about when he was stabbed and left for dead,” Beth has to ask but I’m happy to answer.

“Home with the family and the boys, we were setting up for a cousin’s birthday party and all of us, even Hector were there. Nobody from my crew was there for it and if one was I’d put him out myself,” I state fact and she giggles, why do girls do that.

“Oh Carly, you know you wouldn’t otherwise you’d have sold out Hector years ago. He’s a loud mouth and more trouble than he’s worth. I’m not even remotely connected to you and I can see that,” Beth is smarter than she looks,” But the past is only part of why I’m here. We need to settle things.”

“I’m good for that. I wanted to speak with Guy and put all this behind us, a real truce and a little back up for the kid if he needs it. No bullshit,” I offer putting out more than I intended.

“Oh Carly your silly, Guy has back up but you don’t need to talk with him. You need to listen to me,” Beth says with a happy and almost too perky tone,” Three years of misery you’ve been putting on my brother. The beatings, the humiliation and the general asshole nature of your ‘crew’ doesn’t leave me much area to work with.”

“If you talk with him on my behalf, let him know I want to sit down and just apologize,” I want to finish but Beth stops me.

“There will be no apologies, you don’t deserve forgiveness for the things you allowed to pass because they are in the past and can remain there. No I’m talking about the future, quick question. What would you have done if someone did this to your sister,” Beth asks in her happy/perky tone and I begin to worry.

“I would have taken care of it,” I keep it simple but stripping a girl down in her underwear and making her run home is an example I think of.

“See and that’s what is going to happen with Guy. The word untouchable needs to be in your vocabulary because that is what I want from you, Guy is untouchable, okay,” Beth says it more than asks.

“Done, nobody messes with him,” I start to say and she smiles; now I know how the dealers we jump feel.

“Oh Carly, silly Carly, you need me to explain this for you. I don’t care about your word because I’m giving you mine. The past stays in the past because I say so, Guy goes untouched or, and this is the part you want to pay attention to,” Bethany actually tells me and I’m worried,” If someone, anyone touches him, you pay for it.”

“I’ll make sure someone pays for it,” I say it and she laughs, why is she laughing at me.

“No silly, someone hurts him and you pay. You pay for three years of pain, three years of humiliation and I know that I can’t hurt you but you aren’t the one I need to hurt to make my point, are you sweetie,” she says the words and I know person she’s thinking of, Marta,” I will make sure she suffers just like Guy did.”

“She’s your friend,” I have to get her to reconsider.

“No she’s Abigail’s friend and not a very good one if she couldn’t get her brother to stop beating our brother for three years. I promise you that if anything happens to Guy you won’t know where or when but Marta will suffer and my reach is a lot bigger than you think,” I am working out ways to stop her but she is still smiling,” I can break up her and Romeo, it wouldn’t be difficult I have a few second stringers on the JV cheer who owe me. I can make sure that every guy she gets with is the right type of asshole, I know all of them and they could make her regret ever being anything but a lesbian. And when that’s done we have the females. Every one of the dozens of girls who sit around and want to be with the ‘in’ crowd, how long will she be safe after I put out a bounty on her?”

“You need to be careful about threatening my family,” I ask trying to be polite.

“You should have left Guy alone, he did nothing to you, nothing,” she says it and I see her eyes go soft for a second, she cares about him,” This is the way it is going to be, anyone screws with Guy and someone will find Marta and they will make it memorable.”

I can only imagine the shit she could pull, yeah I have my boys and they’re hard in the street but Beth could probably get to anyone at school. Hurting Marta would be easy for her if she wanted to but now I have to call the whole crew in and get them to back way the fuck off of Guy and make sure Hector understands that there is no joking anymore.

“Oh don’t worry sweetie, if you’re as tough and hard as you claim to be this shouldn’t be a problem. Anyway I have a slumber party to plan for this weekend, the princess must have her parties,” Beth leans over and gives me a kiss on the cheek,” Turn that frown upside down sweetie, it could be worse. Guy is a good person, a genuinely good person and he doesn’t want anything like this.”

“Then why are you doing it,” I ask as she stands up to leave.

“Because you are what you are, Guy is what he is and I… I’m the princess who gets what she wants,” she says the words and leaves without a single thought more.

Twenty minutes later I have everyone on point to watch Guy discreetly and intervene no matter what. I’ll be watching him in my free time as well since I don’t have shit to do during most of the day. Marta won’t understand why one of the boys other than Romeo is hanging around, I say I want them riding in style to and from school. I just want my sister protected in case shit happens. One fucking stabbing and now we’re all screwed.

Guy: Later at the gym

“So you don’t know how to fight,” Mark asks and I shake my head no,” And you don’t want to learn?”

“If I was meant to fight I would fate would have left me with my father. Besides I just don’t know if I can hurt anyone. When I get tense and stressed out I get headaches and it feels like my heart is going to burst out of my chest,” I explain and Mark nods but something is up.

“Well at least you know how to work out,” Mark says as we leave the weight room at his gym.

Not college gym or even a sports gym, it’s a gym for people who want to be in the Olympics. Or for people who want to work out with people who want to be in the Olympics. Everything is new and shiny, all of it is fresh and even the towels they give you have unscented hypoallergenic fabric softener. Okay maybe they don’t but they’re clean as hell and when I sweat through one a woman replaces it with another without my asking. We arrive back home after showering at the gym, they have clean showers, and find that dinner is ready and Bethany is pleading her case about something to Mom. I bypass paying attention to it and settle down to dinner with the family. Plans are discussed since the Christmas holiday is right around the corner and apparently everyone has plans this weekend. Mark is heading to the college for a couple parties and has somewhere to stay while there. Abigail is taking a science retreat for five days beginning Friday and I wonder if I could have gone to that but put it out of my mind for now. Mom and Mr. Delauter are looking at a quiet three days away on a business, I use the term loosely, trip to the other half of the state where there will be dinner and dancing. Probably more than that but thinking about my Mom and my step father will be doing anything else will induce vomiting. Only ones home will be Bethany and I so basically I’ll be left alone for at least three days. Dinner passes and I talk with Mom about her being gone. She asks me to stay home and I agree, I don’t want to push things out in the world and right now the world doesn’t like me very much. I almost leave Mom when Beth decides to pitch whatever it is she is asking for and I sit down to listen in.

“Mom I’ve hosted it every year, my friends in the squad are looking forward to this,” Beth asks and I wonder what she’s talking about, probably a party.

“Beth the only people home will be you and Guy which means that if something happens nobody will be here as an adult to handle any real problems,” Mom explains and I kind of agree with her.

“Mom please, I know I’ve been really screwed up but I’m trying and it’s not just me it’s the squad,” Beth pleads and Mom just gives her the final head shake of no.

When Mom stops talking she is done with the conversation and that means more talking will make her upset which leads to grounding and eventually death. Okay never seen the death but I’ve heard her yell before, it’s pretty scary. Mom and I are sitting in the TV room on the couch as she smiles at me lightly and I laugh a little.

“What did Beth want,” I ask and Mom laughs now.

“Nothing she needs to have this weekend,” Mom states but I wait for her real answer,” Cheerleading squad slumber party, she has them every year and but this year has to wait.”

“Ah the parties, I made it a point to be elsewhere,” I state recalling my history.

“Where did you go when she did these last two, you said a friend’s house,” Mom asks and I shrug.

“Rented a motel room and ate fast food,” it’s the honest truth, Beth warned me about being seen and best way not to was to be gone.

“Well no party this year,” Mom says and I have to ask.

“Because of me,” I get the words out and Mom looks horrified,” Not because of me but because of Beth and I?”

“Honey Beth did some really horrible things to you but I’m not punishing her because of it unless I have to. No I’m just don’t want her and five friends running around terrorizing you for two to three days,” Mom explains and I shrug.

“Could put me in charge, that would really screw with her,” I joke and now Mom stops laughing.

I wonder what is going on with my Mom when she shuts the TV off without a word after my comment and leaves the room. I figure she’s heading to bed when I don’t see her upstairs and decide to hang around by myself in my room with my own entertainment. I’m relaxing for about a half hour and feel like it’s about time for bed, two workout sessions in one day makes me tired, when I get a light knock at my door and before I can get it Beth pokes her head inside.

“Hey, can we talk,” Beth asks in her long t-shirt and shorts pajamas.

“Quickly so I can sleep, I’ve had a rough day,” I have and I’m hoping to sleep it off soon.

“Well here’s what I’m thinking, how about I get some girls to come over this weekend for a couple days? They are curious about my mysterious brother who survived death and all that,” Beth is lying her ass off.

“You mean you want to host your cheerleader slumber party and you want me to keep quiet while you do it,” I ask and she deflates a little,” Mom told me you wanted to host a party but it’s just us home.”

“Mom said I had to convince you to let me have the party, you’d be in charge or whatever,” Beth says sitting at the foot of my bed,” I’ll cancel.”

“I was joking when I told her she could put me in charge,” I say it and Beth gives me a slightly grumpy look.

“Well she is serious, I either get your approval on the slumber party and you set the rules or no party,” Beth states the terms again and now I have to sit and think,” Five girls running around in their pajamas and I promise nobody will do anything weird to you like put makeup on you and take pictures.”

“Yay, five girls running around that I have no chance in hell with whom all think I’m the weirdest rich loser in our school. O-M-G where do I sign up,” I am mocking enthusiasm and Beth doesn’t like it.

“They don’t think you’re weird, hell nobody knows what to think other than you sang once and used to get beat up,” Beth explains and I groan.

“Which leads to the fact that cheerleaders will be over who have no interest in the quiet loser of the family,” I state the facts and Beth groans.

“So you won’t even try and my slumber party is screwed,” she grumbles and I shrug.

“No boys, no alcohol because I hate that shit and anything else I come up with I’ll keep you posted,” I get the words out and Bethany squeals happily.

I don’t know what is weirder, me making her happy or her hugging me. Yes she’s hugging me and it’s awkward and beginning to get me aroused. Thankfully she breaks the hug and is out of my room and on her phone in record setting time. I close my door and head to bed.

Most of my week is simple but weird. I spend most of my time feeling like I’m being watched by… well everyone. Carlos’s people are watching me everywhere and in every class, some of the jocks are keeping tabs on me like they want to say something and then there’s Sydney. She’s been hanging around and when I look she looks away. I don’t know what to do and when I think to ask someone who might know what I’m supposed to do, like say Bethany, she’s too busy preparing for her mega party. It’s Thursday and I’m sitting by myself at lunch and keeping to myself as I normally do when Syd sits down next to me on the bench.

“I’m pregnant and it’s yours,” she gets the words out and I cough up some milk.

“What, how the hell could it be mine? Wait you’re pregnant,” I ask choking.

“No I was getting you to talk to me and this seemed like the best way to get you to stop being an asshole for a minute,” Syd tells me and I cough a little to clear my throat.

“Why talk to me, I’m the asshole who keeps secrets,” I recount her words and she shrugs.

“I’m the one who ditched you at a dance while you got your ass beat,” Syd counters and I shrug,” So you’re hosting the cheer squad jamboree this weekend.”

“Beth is hosting I’m just supervising,” I clarify and she shrugs for a change.

“I missed talking to you, I missed having a real friend,” Syd informs me quietly and I shrug back.

“I don’t like having friends,” I get the words out and she is about to say something,” That’s why I only keep one. Makes her feel special.”

“Okay that was sweet and still a bit asshole like,” she laughs a little and I smile.

We talk for the first time and it feels good to socialize with someone I’m not related to by blood or marriage. Granted we don’t talk about anything important other than what we’re hoping for during Christmas break and how shitty it’s been since jock boy realized he didn’t want Sydney around for more than a night. I could be there for her, I could be more than there but Syd is who she is and I am the mostly broken wreck of a now supposed adult. I think they say awareness of a situation shows you aren’t insane, yeah fuck that.

I get through Thursday and into Friday as school is let out and I get home via Bethany as she has one of the girls for the sleep over already with her. I’m in the back seat and haven’t been spoken with the entire time we were on our way back to the house. I get inside just in time to say goodbye to Mom who is heading out with Mr. Delauter for their ‘business’ trip. Beth is way past talking to me and instead is speaking with her guest, a brunette cheerleader either called Katie or Katherine, not sure which. I let them have their space since it’s her slumber party and not mine. I make it to my room and settle in for the long haul of two days with a house load of females, all of which I’m not related to.

I hear more arrive as the hours wind on and when I hear Bethany outside my door talking I take note as to the conversation.

“It was a guest room last time, why can’t we use it,” I hear the female but don’t risk a look.

“Because it’s my brother’s room,” Beth tells the girl when a second voice enters the conversation.

“I thought he was downstairs,” the more subdued tone asks.

“No that is Mark, my other brother Guy? This is his room,” the first voice says and I continue to listen in.

“Okay so we’ll just sleep here while he’s gone,” the quiet voice says and I decide to open my door.

“Okay, first new rule, my room is off limits. I find you in my room and I call parents who cancel slumber party and everyone goes home immediately,” I state my rule to three very startled females.

Beth is there obviously but the tall, 5’8” Asian girl and the slightly shorter 5’7” Mexican girl standing there are put back a second when they realize they’re not alone.

“Great, now we have to sleep in the same room as Lela,” the Asian girl says as they turn and walk away.

Beth just mouths the word ‘sorry’ before following her friends back down the hall. I keep to myself except for dinner which is provided by Mom who put in an order for delivery on pizza before she left, I actually have a dark moment and wonder where this shit was when she was drunk but stop myself and decide to eat in my room. I can hear the girls down stairs carrying on with singing and doing whatever crazy shit a half dozen females get into. I bring my dishes down to put them away, I don’t feel like making Rosa’s job more difficult and about halfway through scrubbing a plate I realize everything has gone quiet.

“Don’t,” I say one word and hear groaning.

“What did we do,” a female asks and I shrug.

“It’s what you’re planning to do, what you’re thinking about doing that I’m telling you ‘don’t’,” I clarify my statement.

I finish my plate and cup and put them in the washer before turning to find Bethany and her five guests standing there. From left to right, 5’10” and all the curves associated with black heritage can give by the name of Lela. The Asian girl and the Mexican girl are next to her the Asian being more curvy and the Latina being more pant bursting bikini model, Emily and Natalie. After that it’s the girl from the car trip over Katheryn with a ‘y’ because it makes her feel special, like being one of the elite cheerleaders of the school doesn’t do that for her. Last there’s the only other blonde in the group Alexandra or Lex if you know better. Oh and for the recap physically, toned, curvy, model, half toned half curvy and thin. I mean top of the pyramid because they can hold her there for days thin.

“Why don’t you join us,” Lex asks as the girls look on.

“Because it’s a slumber party and I’m not a cheerleader or a girl,” I keep my answer basic and simple.

“I think he’s gay,” Lela, the black one, jokes but I’m not laughing.

I step past the girls and return to my room for some much desired alone time. I’m ripping off my opponents head and displaying it like a trophy, it’s a game, when I get a quiet knock at my door and Beth pokes her head in.

“The girls wanna know if you would like to come down and watch a movie with us,” Beth asks and I shake my head,” please, I feel a little bad that you’re all alone up here.”

“I’ve been all alone up here before, it doesn’t bother me,” I state and see Beth’s face go a little sad,” I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I’m trying okay,” there are some tears and Beth slowly closes the door.

“Okay fine, I’ll come down,” I get the words out and Beth pops her not crying face back in the room.

“Alright the girls are waiting for us,” Beth is chipper and a faker.

I shut my system down and death march in sweat pants and a t shirt downstairs to the TV room where all the girls are laid out on the floor with pillows, blankets and pajamas. I stop and stare at the Mexican girl’s ass for a second when Beth catches the fact that she’s wearing panties and a tank top.

“Nat you need to wear shorts,” Beth growls and I know she’s pointing at me.

“I am, bikini shorts. I did not go through the time it takes to shave so I can wear pajama pants,” the Mexican diva states rolling back onto her stomach next to Emily her Asian girlfriend.

I’m assuming they’re girlfriends because they are touching each other and whispering to each other and I’m being given a hard on as I’m made to lounge on the couch alone. To add to my awkward situation they are watching a girl movie. Okay it might not just be a girl movie; it’s a crappy girl movie. I love the angsty vampire but the werewolf boy loves me and I don’t know what to do because my face can’t express itself like I’m overdosing on Botox. Yeah that movie, I want a real fucking vampire movie. I’m sitting and suffering when I notice Natalie’s head down and Emily’s hand on her ass, well more like down between her legs on the lower part of her ass. Emily being on the end is completely blocked from view of the rest of the girls but I have a bird’s eye view and it’s difficult to sit while I’m tenting my sweats. Emily’s hand and fingers are working the fabric covered mound of Natalie and Natalie for her own part is grinding her hips into said fingers. It’s hot and a little pervy, because I’m watching and I don’t think anyone else notices what’s happening. Natalie’s body stops moving and I can see her shake a little before relaxing while Emily moves her hand back up under her so she can continue to watch the movie. A row a six girls and one just got another off while watching the worst vampire movie ever, I need a bathroom break. I get up quietly and head off only to hear a voice.

“Want us to pause it,” Lela asks and I shake my head no.

“I’ll be back in second,” I keep my back to them and head upstairs to my usual bathroom.

Its mission difficult to pee with a hard on pointing at your face and jerking off first would leave me feeling really awkward. I manage to calm myself enough to do a weird leaning and peeing combo so I don’t make a giant mess of my toilet. I get done and don’t have to wipe up anything before exiting the bathroom and almost walking right into Lela who has a look like she’s waiting for me.

“Your sister thought you would try to sneak off so I came up here to get you,” Lela informs me with her arms crossed.

“No I just preferred to use my bathroom,” I explain as I begin to head back down to the movie.

“Hey, can I ask you something,” Lela asks and I nod curious,” what do you find attractive in a girl?”

“That answer could be a lot of things,” I ask back confused.

“You’re a guy; what is it that you find more attractive about some girls than others,” Lela asks again.

“I think so but I’m a bad judge of beauty honestly,” I say it and she gives me a confused look.

“Why are you a bad judge of beauty,” Lela asks and I stop to explain.

“I look at how people treat each other, not what they look like. I’ve seen you before strong arming people for picking on your friends and standing up for yourself. That is what I find beautiful, all the physical stuff can change I mean look at me,” I gesture to my face,” I’m a map of small to medium scars. If I let that define how I think of myself I should just go crawl in a hole and die.”

“Damn, that’s some hard shit,” Lela says and we return to the movie.

We watch but no more interesting shit happens in either the movie or the floor in front of me and once it’s done I realize I could have been doing something more entertaining. The girl’s debate watching a movie when Katheryn with a ‘y’ decides to make me suffer.

“Let’s play a game,” I hear the suggestion and immediately bow out.

“I’m heading back to my room. I’d rather not play any games,” I say and now all eyes are on me.

“Oh come on, it’s truth or dare. What is the worst that can happen,” Kat says and the girls begin.

I hear all sorts of horrible questions from biggest crush to worst make up decision and biggest date regret to the dares that don’t consist of anything interesting like girls stripping down naked and fondling each other. That would be an amazing slumber party; it would for me at least and probably Emily and Natalie. I see eyes settle on me as girls are thinking of how to get me involved.

“Truth or Dare Guy, are you a virgin,” Katheryn asks and I roll my eyes.

“Aren’t you supposed to make me wait for the question? Truth and no,” I answer annoyed.

“Yeah I could confirm he’s not on that one thank you very much,” Beth clarifies saving me a little.

“Okay well truth or dare,” Lela asks and I figure on dare,” I dare you to change in to your smallest pair of shorts, not underwear, and come back down here in only that.”

“Oh for the love of Christ,” I groan and the girls all giggle.

I get up from the couch and head up to my room to find ‘small shorts’. I settle on a bathing suit that was about a size too small for me and cram myself into it before awkwardly heading back down stairs. I’m shaking a little thanks to my brain reminding me I’m going to be in small shorts and no shirt in front of a half dozen girls that are so far out of my league that I’d need a space shuttle to ask them to lunch at school. I step into the doorway and that’s when every female in the room goes from giggling to themselves about what I’ll look like to awkwardly quiet. I move back to the spot they pulled me down to so I would be on the floor with them and now nobody wants to speak or look at me.

“Well this is embarrassing as all hell, I’m mostly naked in a room full of girls and nobody has the nerve to even laugh a little,” I mutter and Lela is the first to speak.

“Guy I’m sorry I just didn’t think about it before I said it,” Lela says and I shrug.

“Who wants to go next, not like shit can get any worse,” I had to say it when Emily asks truth.

“Did you really love Jenna,” Emily gets the question out and I deflate.

“Yes,” I answer and see the ‘why?’ in her head,” because she was nice to me.”

“Nice to you, she was a bitch,” Beth states for the record and I shrug.

“I’m not used to people being nice to me. I’ve been on my own for over nine years and some attention was nice for a change,” I declare sounding pathetic.

“Well she was a bitch for using you. She lost a lot of friends when she put you on the shelf before winter formal,” Lex explains and I grunt.

“Not like it matters, nobody came running to pull me off the shelf except for my family and that would just make it weird,” I bring out a little of my past and all the girls are
looking.

“Do they hurt,” Lela asks and I shake my head,” what about the big one? Is that the one from…”

“That’s where I got stabbed,” I lean back a little so they can see it,” It’s kind of small compared to the movies.”

All the girls including Beth take a look and stare a bit before settling back into awkward girl mode. Emily reaches out a hand to touch the stab one but recoils looking at me and I nod, it’s weird but I’m not exactly sure why I agree. Her finger tips gently touch the area and now I have hands tracing over every single scar on my back, chest or head. Except for Bethany who sits there ashamed of what she did and horrified by the sight of my body.

“Okay this might be weird but if you were a brother I’d fuck you,” Lela states and now everyone looks at her funny,” I’m just not into white guys okay but he’s quiet and sweet, don’t tell me he ain’t he sat through that movie and I don’t know of a straight guy who has but he’s tough.”

“Because he got his ass beat for three years and got scarred up,” Natalie asks pulling her hand back.

“He could have cried or whined but he didn’t want to be that, and I’m not trying to be mean here Beth, rags to riches kid. The one who has everything and can buy his friends, he wanted to be someone else and he took beatings for all of high school and got stabbed,” Lela says and the girls are still looking at me funny, not a good or bad funny either.

“Okay I am going to step around the scars and talk about the fact that your brother works out,” Katheryn points out and now it’s a different level of embarrassed.

It’s a new round of personal questions that I have to mostly make up answers for thanks to Beth’s lie about why nobody knew we were family and still I keep the blame
on me. It takes a bit and I settle down despite awkwardly tight shorts. I finally leave the girls to some actual girl time and return to my room to change and sleep.

I’m up at crack of dawn to work out, mostly run, and then try to relax a little before the cheer brigade decides to add another embarrassing moment in my life. I hear them do the rise and shine which sounds more like zombie bitches from hell. How many times can a female tell another female they’re hogging the bathroom when we have two upstairs and two downstairs not counting the one in Mom’s room? Yeah it’s like that for most of the morning as I quietly eat breakfast by myself. I let the girls go about their day which at one point before noon has every one leave in Beth’s truck and I think Lela’s car to go somewhere. Rosa is cleaning and I see her smile at me and nod as I set up a speaker or two and put on a few classical pieces. I don’t only listen to opera but I do have some of the accompanying music so I can sing them myself. I’ve been practicing for years and while I have no clue if I’m actually any good Rosa likes it and she’s about the only person whose opinion of my singing matters. I’ve been singing for her since my second year at the home and she says I’ve gotten better, only praise I really had for a long time.

I work my way through a few aria and lay down a little more of Phantom, it’s in English so for me it’ feels easier. I must have been at it for a couple hours as we break for lunch and while Rosa prepares real enchiladas for me she has one request and while it’s a favorite it’s difficult I can’t refuse the woman making my food. It’s from Pagliacci, the Vesti la Guibba and while I love the piece it’s not easy because of the emotion involved to make the piece resonate. First off shut up it’s my creative outlet and Rosa loves it. I wind my way through the opening and make it through most of the middle when we come to the crescendo of the piece and I can feel the emotion pouring out of me and I’m on my knees as Rosa is standing in the door way to the kitchen while I’m assuming my food cooks. I end the piece in the traditional laugh to cry and hear the music trail on as I rest a moment before the track ends. Quietly I stand up and turn to change the track and see, waiting in the awning, Bethany and her five friends with shopping bags. The bags are on the floor and the girls are staring as I am now very self conscious of what is going on.

“How long have you been standing there,” I ask and not a single one of the girls moves,” How long… have you been standing… there?”

I ask with a point and all I get is a shrug from Alexandra, the small blonde, as I turn to Rosa. She nods before heading back into the kitchen to finish my lunch as I put away my small music equipment. I barely get out of my room and there are females with questions, a safety hazard to be sure.

“You can sing, I mean you can sing that,” Lela asks trying to make an operatic gesture.

“Better than most of the pop crap they put out now,” I state, its fact for me.

“How is what you sang better than Brittney or Miley,” Beth asks trying to take control of the situation.

“They are all about how they look and maybe, just maybe they will sing about something with emotion. Otherwise it’s twerking on stage with people in animal costumes or having shit painted on you before you do a concert that melts off,” I clarify heading downstairs and into the kitchen to eat.

Rosa outdoes herself with my lunch and I get a chance to relax as the girls go about their in home nails and whatever else that they are putting together for a day of fun. I return to my room and watch a movie, one where the vampire kills other vampires. It’s in retaliation for last night on a personal level. I have the option of being lazy but I decide to go with lazy and shooting alien things in the face with bullets. Okay I don’t do very well and find out what it’s like to have a nine year old tell me about how he did my mom and that I’m a noob. I point out how the only pussy he’s ever had was when his mother spat his ass into the world and that now she spends most of her time in regret and I get a message from the administrator for unsportsmanlike language. I replay what is said on both sides to the he/she/it and nothing is said further. Dinner is nice and quiet as the girls are eating take out from I don’t know where and I’m settling down for Rosa’s leftovers from lunch because it’s better than a restaurant. I’m about half way through when I hear my name being called, only to find the girls are looking for me.

“Hey, where did you learn to sing like you do,” Kat, I hate her full name asks.

“Nowhere, I just practiced and listened,” I state holding my plate of food as I enter the TV room.

“Sing anything other than opera,” Lex asks curious.

“Not really, I can if I wanted but Opera is a story. There is love and pain, comedy and tragedy. Its life and all that it encompasses,” I explain and realize I’m talking with the Beyonce crowd.

I finish dinner and return to my room after putting dishes away to relax as the girls are still doing face treatments or something and get down to the business of social media. Bethany has been going crazy with pictures of the girls having a great time and I think she’s got a like on the album from everyone in the school. I check my own page and see nothing, I have posts about some minor things from before and after my attack but other than that it’s quiet and not very interesting. I put a post that I will be shutting down facebook till I feel I need to connect with all four of my family and friend and close it down before turning to the systems. I take a moment to load things up when there is a knock on my door and females invade my room.

“What the hell are you doing shutting down your facebook,” Beth asks as her squad comes in behind her devices in hand.

“None of your business,” I keep my reply short and sweet.

“It is when it’s the only reference to your personal life that we have access to,” Kat with a ‘y’ states and now I’m confused.

“You want to know my personal life. Here’s the winded version, my childhood sucked, my Mom married her Dad,” I point to Beth,” I opted out and have been getting my ass kicked and humiliated for over three years. Anything else?”

“Grumpy much,” Lela asks with a frown.

“Raise your hand if you are in a relationship with another person,” I ask as Kat, Beth, Emily and Natalie raise their hands,” Okay so is anyone in this room interested in me romantically in the slightest?”

“Well no, you’re Beth’s brother and…,” Lela begins but I am annoyed.

“I’m white, big freaking deal and by the way that makes you sound racist,” I comment and watch her face take a sour look,” It does and it’s a two way street. Nobody is interested in me so I don’t feel the need to pander to your whims and play games.”

“Wait you don’t want to be friends because nobody is willing to hook up with you,” Kat asks and I groan.

“I am not interested in wasting my time when there isn’t going to be anything in it for me. And as for friends they don’t last too long around me because sooner or later someone more interesting or pretty comes along and then I’m left alone,” I state my facts and Beth looks a little ashamed.

“Geez talk about negative outlook on your life,” Natalie says keeping her voice down but I still hear her.

“First night all of you were here you wanted to see the freak boy that lives with the princess,” I gesture to Bethany,” you poked and prodded and probably didn’t believe I am not a virgin but what did I get out of the situation, five hot girls who look at me with mild interest or pity.”

“It wasn’t pity, it’s just you act put yourself away so that you seem sad and alone all the time. You don’t do anything,” Beth states trying to defend herself and her friends.

“Homecoming dance,” I state my argument and everyone remembers that.

“One dance, you could ask a girl to the next one? Or you could have gone to Winter Formal and met a girl there,” Emily adds her bit to the argument.

“Okay, would any of you ladies have danced with me,” I ask and that’s where I see the honesty as they grow quiet and don’t want to look directly at me,” Yeah, so ask who exactly? Someone who is desperate? Someone who is in my league?”

“Someone who is more like you,” Kat says and realizes how far off she was with her words,” No I mean someone who has your interests or stuff.”

“Yeah, thanks for that vote of confidence. Could you all please leave now so I can go back to ignoring the crap that fills up my social life,” I ask and slowly the girls trail out save for Bethany.

She wants to say something, hell she wants to say anything to make the situation better but there is no better right now. I watch her finally leave to find her friends and return to my quiet world of online gaming. It takes me a couple more hours to get truly bored and after checking the lock on my door head to bed.

Peaceful sleep is something that should never be disturbed save for fire, bloody death or a baby being born. So when my door begins rattling and someone keeps trying to get in I pull myself out of bed in just my underwear and yank the door open fast to see Lex, the shorter very skinny blonde cheerleader, outside it in a long t shirt and a tired look on her face.

“Can I sleep in here,” she asks and I’m confused.

“What? In here? No, wait why,” I am tired and asking questions.

“Lela snores and I barely got any sleep last night, now she’s on her back and loud. Can I sleep in here,” Alexandra asks and I wake up enough to realize the opportunity before shutting it down.

“No, I’m not giving up my bed so you can sleep without snoring, I was snoring,” I state my tired argument not sure if I actually do.

“Please, I swear I’ll be quiet and go right to sleep. You have a big bed, we can share,” she asks and I’m not offering.

“No, go back to your own makeshift bed or whatever you girls did for sleeping,” I tell her and she stomps her feet a little pouting.

“I’m just asking for some space, you have a whole queen sized bed. You can share,” Lex asks and I shake my head.

“I could share, not I can share,” I correct her grammar as she continues to pout,” And I’m not inclined to share.”

“I’ll tell everyone you were a gentleman and didn’t take advantage of me,” if she’s flirting she’s failing.

“I’m not king of the friendzone, we’re not friends,” I state my claim to not have the title.

“Okay I’ll tell them your hung like a rhino and screwed me silly,” she is arguing till I let her in,” Please I just want some quiet sleep.”

I grumble and step out of the door way and watch as Lex quickly steps inside. I check outside the door to see if people are awake and watching, I’m a little paranoid this could be a set up. Why would I be paranoid? An attractive cheerleader that is friends with my step sister who is more than a little concerned I’ll leave and break up the happy family left me upset earlier and now there is a female getting in on my side of the bed. I close my door and lock it before getting back into bed on the opposite side of Alexandra. Back under the blankets I try to get comfortable with a strange, okay not super strange but new, female lying down next to me for the second time ever. I roll away from Lex showing her my back and hope for quiet.

“So Jenna and you didn’t get to the physical point of your relationship,” Lex asks and I groan.

“We weren’t dating; she was using me for my money and treating me like a pet. I’m surprised I wasn’t shitting on newspaper,” I am blunt but I am tired so fuck politeness.

“Neither were me and Brandon,” she says it and I actually roll over to look at her,” he talked so much about how he wanted to find himself and not be part of her superstar plans. Then two short dates and one trip to the backseat of his car and I found out next day he was going out with two other girls.”

“Guess he was making up for lost time, after Jenna I can understand,” I remark lying on my back.

I don’t know what prompted it but Lex scoots over to me on the bed and now I have her head on my chest and the rest curled up around my side. She’s a lot closer to me than I’m used to for a girl and I can feel the affect it is having in my shorts. I shift a little and feel Alexandra press against me.

“You’re moving,” Lex says quietly.

“I gave you half of the bed and you’re over here,” I state back keeping the quiet.

“You’re warm, it’s not my fault you smell good,” she replies snuggling in.

“Yeah well I don’t try to and besides almost all girls smell good,” it’s true for the most part and I figure saying it won’t hurt.

“If I was sweating in the heat at cheer practice for two hours and didn’t shower would you kiss me,” Lex asks finally looking up at me.

“If you were my girlfriend I’d pick you up and kiss you,” again speaking my truth to the petite cheerleader.

There is no warning for Lex kissing me but hell I don’t want one. I’ve been around hot cheerleader girls for two days and now one is crawling on top of me. I cup her face as we kiss and feel her hips grinding into my lap as she sits up and pulls her entire top off. Her breasts are small, almost flat but they are there and I can see she has no panties on. I don’t know if she was planning this from the start or not but once again I really don’t care as she helps me pull down my shorts.

“I need to get a condom,” I say it and she smirks in the low light and shakes her head no,” Are you sure?”

As soon as my cock is out of my shorts Alexandra sits herself down on it putting the length of me between her lips pressing against me and begins rubbing my shaft. She’s wet and shaved which has this smooth feeling up and down my cock. I reach up and touch her small breasts playing with the nipples as Lex rubs herself fore and back on me. It’s like jacking off but wetter and more fun as Lex leans forward resting her hands on my chest to keep her weight up. I think I can feel her clit rubbing against my shaft as she grinds down onto me. We kiss again and I feel her moan and then she moves up too far and when she goes to push herself down my shave the head of my cock pokes her hole and everything stops.

“Oh this is gonna be interesting, I’m already cumming and I could get you inside but then I’d be laying on top of you useless for like… ten minutes while you waited for me so you can finish,” Lex says and I smile.

More than smile as I push up into her a little and she pushes back. We take our time getting all of me in her little frame and at one point I have a couple inches left and Lex just sits upright on me again and forces herself down and gets the last in with a grunt from me and a squeak from her. I let her do the moving, it’s her ride I’m just here for support… bad joke but it’s kind of true. Also being inside her is tight as hell and I don’t understand how. She was with Brandon once and he’s black, don’t they all have like ten inch monster cocks? I keep that thought to myself as I watch Lex’s face, her eyes are closed and I think she’s biting her lip as she speeds up a little and when her muscles clamp down on me I pull her down close so that she doesn’t fall over or hit her head into my own. I let her rest on my chest and hear her breathing.

“So now what,” I ask and get a guttural reply that I cannot understand,” So should I keep going?”

Again I don’t get a reply but she moves little on me and figure keep going as I push up into her deeper and keep things going. Everything was soft at first with Lex on top but now I need to get off and she said no condom which changes the whole feel of a girl. Now it’s warm, there is texture, I can feel her everything and I love it. I keep her on top of me by holding her ass with my hands and move in rapid long thrusts in and out of her. Lex makes a few more grunting noises and moves around a little but I have her in place as I fuck her from beneath. Finally she bolts her head up and arches her back.

“I said slow down,” Alexandra grunts and I begin to slow down,” Not now, harder.”

I move on of my hands up from her ass and pull her blonde hair back keeping her arched and dig my heels in, almost literally, pounding away at her. I can feel my orgasm building and I begin to think too much.

“Can I cum inside you,” I ask and Lex just groans a little,” Please Lex or do I need to pull out?”

I feel Lex’s hips shift a bit but I can’t stop and feel like I’m hitting even deeper than before and I can’t hold back as I cum hard deep inside Lex. As soon as I shoot off her entire body locks up and I feel wet on my balls. We hold each other in place more out of ecstasy before finally relaxing and again Alexandra rests on my chest.

“Did you not understand when I said I need a minute,” Lex asks quietly.

“No, you didn’t use any words that I recognize and then you said slow down and then not to stop,” I recap our limited conversation.

“Well good, I have never done that and I think I made a mess, got a towel,” she asks and I point to my dirty clothes basket.

We remove ourselves from the bed and fumble around for a towel which there is one, just one and I let her clean up first then follow suit as she finds her shirt before crawling back into my bed. I get my underwear back on and crawl back into bed as Lex turns her back to me. I thought things were good and when I settle back to sleep she finally speaks.

“Hey I’d like some cuddling here,” Lex states and I move up behind her,” No getting attached okay, we’re too different but I needed something after the ‘Brandon Incident’.”

We cuddle and it’s a lot different than when Abigail was here months ago, Lex actually intended to come in here and have sex with me. Well I hope she did at least but bigger question, what do we do about tomorrow and the rest of the girls?

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