Am I just using him – chapter 3
Introduction:
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“Hey, what about going to bed instead of staying on the couch?” I ask.
It takes a few seconds for him to reply. “I thought the couch was gonna be my bed?”
“Of course not. You can sleep in my bed.”
He rubs in his eyes. “Where are you going to sleep?”
I laugh. “In my bed too, silly. It’s king size, should be okay.”
“Great, so I can snuggle up close to you.”
I shrug. “We’ll see.”
He laughs and gets up. Totally unexpectedly he hugs me. Just a quick hug, but as he’s still naked, that means his dick touches my underwear. I immediately get a semi hard, even though I never asked for that. I’m happy I put on some clothes, so it isn’t that obvious. Apart from that, the hug made me feel warm inside. I guide the boy to my bedroom and get in directly, because I’m still tired and really want to get warm again. Milan does as promised, he crawls up to me. I turned my back to me, so he pretty much spoons me. He is still naked and his whole body is touching mine. He puts his arm around me, with his hand on my crotch.
“Good night, Dan,” he says.
“Good night.” When I close my eyes, Milan starts massaging my dick. I smile. “I never thought I could meet someone who is even hornier than I am.”
He laughs. “Well, I’m in a bed with a super cute guy, what did you expect.”
“I’m tired and horny now; the dilemma. First world problems.”
“I feel the same. Not sure which of those emotions is gonna win.”
I laugh and enjoy the feeling. The boy behind me slides off my underwear and grabs my dick. His own boyhood now touches my bare ass, and as he jerks me off, he starts grinding his hips. At first it is hesitant, but when he realises I don’t protest, it becomes more confident. To be honest, I don’t quite know why I don’t ask him to stop. I guess I don’t really mind. I think I like knowing he is enjoying the same feeling as I am right now. Sharing this emotion, it just amplifies it, you know? And it doesn’t make me gay or anything.
I moan and Milan does the same. A few minutes long we’re enjoying ourselves like this, when suddenly he says: “do… hnngh… do you… have something for me to… you know… I don’t want to make a mess.”
I laugh awkwardly. “I must have a sock somewhere close.” We pause our sensation for a second while I try to find a sock in the dark. When I find one, I give it to Milan. “I’m close too though, so I either need a sock as well…”
“Don’t worry about that,” the boy says. “But I will need just a little more time. And, I kinda enjoyed… you know… doing that…”
“It’s okay. You can continue.” Milan gives me a quick peck on the cheek. I turn my back to him again, so he grabs hold of my dick again and we continue the previous action. I guess he is close very soon, because he suddenly starts grinding my ass crack even faster while at the same time jerking me off as if he tries to pull it off. I’m so close now, I’m afraid I’ll just cum on my sheets, so I pull his hand off of me. Instead he hugs me tight from behind as he’s fucking the crack between the cheeks of my ass. I hear his quiet squeaky moan behind me. At some point I feel him fumbling, looking for something. Probably the sock. Then with the cutest of all moans he unleashes his load in the sock. He still holds me tight and pants as if he just got chased by a bear. He kisses my neck a few times.
“Thank you. Thank you so much. This was the best ever.”
I smile. “Happy you enjoyed it.”
He kisses my neck again. “Ow my gawd.”
I turn around again and look into his eye. He looks back at me. For a split second he looks like he’s in love and I’m scared he wants to kiss me. But instead he dives underneath the sheets and takes my dick in his mouth. It doesn’t take me long of course, with all the attention he had already been giving me and because I’m still thinking about what just happened. I really believe, no matter what sexuality one has, knowing you made someone enjoy himself like that, it’ll make you smile. With a simple action like that you can make a person, a human being, happy.
I close my eyes and moan as I cum in his mouth. Again he swallows it all.After a few seconds keeping my dick in his mouth, he let go of it. He kisses my stomach and pulls himself up again to face me. He still smiles. “I wish your parents would be gone much longer.”
I laugh. “If only… ” My mind wanders off to that fantasy. I try to imagine what it would be like, having Milan around all the time. Having sex together all day long. And… What else? What would we do if we would be together like that? It’s not really as if ever did anything else. And wouldn’t it be weird to constantly have sex? I never really thought of it that way.
“You’re imagining it now, aren’t you?” Milan laughs.
“Yeah. I guess.”
“Must be a nice image.”
I smirk. “I couldn’t really imagine anything else than having sex.”
He laughs. “Like I said, a nice image!” I don’t say anything. “Oh Dan, are you thinking about combining this,” and he grabs my soft and still kind of sore dick under the blankets, “and a friendship?”
“Yeah, I guess I am. It just feels weird, you know.”
“What does?”
“Well, I feel like I’m starting to know you really well and…”
Milan smiles. “You don’t know me at all, dude. Not at all.” He stresses the last three words extra.
“I don’t mean it like that. It’s more that, I feel like I’m sharing some kind of intimacy, or something, with you. Feels weird to be just acquaintances than.”
The boy sighs. “How come the straight guy is acting way more gay than I ever did? Come on Dan, look at me! I’m the weird dude that was jerking off to a picture of you in the school bathrooms!”
I frown.
“We just can’t be friends. Not if you want me to suck your dick regularly, that is.”
For a second I really consider choosing being friends over having sex, but I quickly recover from that stroke. “You’re trying to protect yourself, aren’t you? This isn’t you.”
He laughs. “Finally, he’s getting it. Of course I’m protecting myself. I think you’re a cool guy, cool enough to hang out with anyway. That’s why I jerked off to you to begin with.” He laughs. “Well, not really. I don’t jerk off to all guys I think are cool. That’d be weird. But you get what I’m trying to say, aren’t you?”
“Not really?”
Even though in the meanwhile I should have gotten used to Milan’s smile, now he’s smiling in a way I do not recognise. It almost looks sad. “I don’t want to start liking you, Dan. I can handle messing around like this, but please don’t be a friend to me. Don’t be nice to me. I don’t want to like like you.”
“O.”
“Yeah… I wasn’t really in the mood for this topic. But there it is.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t be sorry. You can’t help it. You can’t change your sexuality, I know that.”
I hug him. I’m not sure why, but it just feels like the right thing to do. I think about his last sentence. I can’t change my sexuality… but if I could… would I? I’m not sure. I guess I wouldn’t, but not really for Milan. I mean, I can imagine loving a guy could feel right. I don’t have anything against that. But, I would choose against it just because I don’t want all the troubles of being gay. Don’t get me wrong, I just don’t want people to bully me. I don’t want people to assume I’m straight until I tell them otherwise. I just want to be normal.
“Let’s get some sleep now,” Milan says. “There are still some exhausting days on their way.”
I laugh. “I know, I know.”
“But don’t think I’m not gonna cuddle up with you tonight.”
“I know that too.” I turn my back towards him again. Milan crawls up to me and puts his arm around me again. I sigh. “Milan?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for being that honest with me. I appreciate it.”
He kisses me behind my ear. Just a small peck. “Don’t get used to it.”
I close my eyes and within a few seconds I drift into a deep sleep.
***
I wake up at six. It takes me a second to realise where I am and moreover, what is poking in my back. Milan has a morning wood. And he’s still spooning me. I don’t move in order not to wake him and I offer myself a few minutes to overthink this weekend once again. I’ve been doing this so many times, and I never really understand why I’m doing this all. Of course, I like messing around, I’m a teenager. I’m supposed to like that! But I’m straight, yet here I am, in bed with a naked gay guy whose boner is touching me.
Wait, my own dick is twitching now as well. Why am I getting turned on by his morning wood. What the hell?
I sigh silently. As I do regularly when trying to contemplate life and hormones, I just try to distract myself. No need to wonder about that all, I guess. I close my eyes again and think about the exam week that’s coming up in two weeks. With that even more disturbing thought in my mind than the thought of getting turned on by a guy, I fall asleep again.
When I wake up again, the spot next to me is cold. I turn around and notice Milan is gone. I get up and rub my eyes while looking around in the room. No Milan here. I put on my boxer shorts and get in the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. Then I walk downstairs to find Milan frying some eggs. I notice he put on his clothes again. “Make yourself at home, I’d say.”
Milan looks up and smiles in the cutest way. “Good morning. Well yeah, I was getting hungry and you were still asleep.”
“No problem.” I shrug.
“I didn’t think it would be a problem. Freedom to do what I want is my… let’s call it payment.”
I frown. “Payment for… Oh, never mind.”
The boy laughs. “So, do you want some egg too?”
I went to the living room in the meantime to clean some of the mess we made in the heat of the moment and to put on some clothes. “Yes!” I clean up everything, but then I see the condom on the carpet. I pick it up and inspect it. Then I throw the silver package to one of the side tables in the living room.
Milan looks at me when I return to the kitchen. “Holy, I forgot how handsome you were with clothes on.”
I grin. “You forgot? It wasn’t that long ago I wore clothes, right?”
“It feels like ages ago!”
“I fear it’s not gonna take long for us to get out of the clothes again.”
“Ho ho, cowboy. I planned on not having sex today!”
I chuckle. “Oh no! I knew you’d grow tired of me.”
We eat the fried eggs and watch some comedy on television for the rest of the morning. The breakfast was really good and to be honest, just watching some tv and not having sex felt kind of good too. Just relaxing a little bit. At some point we stopped paying attention to the comedy show and started talking. Just about school, family and friends. I realise how less I really know about Milan. I don’t even know where he lives, I only know he lives relatively close to me.
“It’s almost one PM and we’re still wearing all our clothes!” Milan suddenly exclaims happily.
I laugh. “That must be a record for us.”
The boy shrugs and pouts. “Not sure if I like it.”
I try to look confused, but I burst into laughter instead.
“What’s wrong?” Milan asks while laughing as well.
“Nothing. I tries to remind you, very seriously, that you liked me in clothes.”
He smiles. “Yeah, that’s true. But I like you without clothes too! And apparently you like that idea too.” He points at my hardened cock visible through my sweatpants.
I grin. “Not really the idea of getting naked is turning me on, but the idea of what you can do after we get rid of our clothes.”
“Oh never mind then. I was just talking about getting naked.”
I chuckly. “No no. You talked about payments earlier today. If you want to see me naked, you’ll have to pay!”
He tries to look down. “Let me guess? A blowjob.”
“One blowjob?! Do I look like a sellout? Ten blowjobs!”
Milan laughs out loud. “Dude, ten BJ’s? You’d die!”
I take off my shirt very slowly. “Not all today, just over the next year or so.”
He laughs even harder. “Ten over a year? You would die even more if that was all I’d give.”
I’m still trying to get out of my clothes in a very sexy way, but that comment conjures a sly grin on my face, destroying the moment. “Ten per week?”
“We’ll see. Maybe I’ll find a boyfriend in the meantime?”
I feign sadness. “Would you stop coming over then?”
“Would you have me suck your dick ten times a week if you had a girlfriend?”
I grin. “Never mind that.”
“Dude! Pull off that underwear already!”
I laugh. “Patience, my boy.” I pull off my boxer shorts and Milan practically dives forward. He takes it all in his mouth in one movement and starts moving up and down furiously, while using his right hand to massage my balls and his left hand to balance on the floor. His right hand moves towards my ass and even though I could have noticed this, his sucking made me jump a little again as he pushes his index finger and enters through the back. But within a few seconds it feels natural again. He keeps going at me for a minute or so, but then I slowly push his head off of me. He looks at me questioningly.
“My legs are starting to hurt,” I admit while still panting.
He laughs. “Of course, you’re doing the hard work, you should sit down.”
I smirk, but say nothing as I sit down. My dick is still pointing straight forward. I realise that, while sitting down, he won’t be able to finger my ass and I’m not sure if it’s worth it now. Guess I was getting used to it. And I still remember the shower, that orgasm was amazing. I notice the bulge in Milan’s pants, and actually feel sorry for him for a second. But then I remember he told me he liked doing this. So, it’s alright, I guess. I’m still not just using him.
Milan squats in front of me and continues the blowjob again. Every five strokes or so he tries really deepthroating, but he keeps failing at that. Though I have to admit, he’s getting better at it. Guess I’m really helping him get rid of those gag reflexes!
As he doesn’t have access to my back anymore, Milan has his right hand free. While in heaven and enjoying the wonderful sensation, I can’t help but noticing he is rubbing his own hard on through his pants. I should tell him to get out of those pants to enjoy himself better, but I’m not really in the mood to start talking. Talking while reaching a climax always destroys the moment.
It’s just so weird that he will have to masturbate afterwards. It feels unfair. And of course, yesterday he managed to cum by grinding against me, but I’m not going to offer him to do that again. If he were to ask… uh, I guess I would say yes. That’s the least I can do, right?
For some reason the silver shine of the condom wrapper catches my eye again. I look at it and I think back to the shower. That sensation… Maybe Milan was right.
I push his head off of me again.
“What is it this time?” he jokes. “Are you getting exhausted?”
I smile a bit. “I was thinking… maybe, you know, I can consider using that condom…”
Milan immediately starts grinning the biggest smile ever. “Really?” he asks in disbelief.
“I didn’t really think about it well enough, but I don’t know. Maybe… I just thought, uhh. I think it’s weird you’re never really getting anything in return.”
“Are you kidding? Yesterday evening was amazing.”
I smile. “Today could be amazing too.”
“You are serious!” He jumps up. “I love you!” He takes the condom off the cabinet and walks back to me with a mischievous smile. “I promise, after this, you wonder why we didn’t do this any time earlier. Hell, we should buy more condoms soon, I only brought one!”
“Hey hey, don’t exaggerate now. No promises for the future. I’m not even sure if I really want to do this.”
He feigns sadness. “You can’t go back now.”
I sigh. “I guess you’re right.” I feel my heart racing in my chest. Milan unwraps the condom and strokes my cock a few more times. Then he rolls the condom on my dick. I’m happy he does it; I have literally no idea how to do that!
“Are you ready?” He grins.
I raise an eyebrow. “Are you?”
“Since I was born!” He climbs on the sofa, crouches at first, and then he moves to sit on all fours. Doggy style. “I heard this was the least painful.”
“You’ve never done this before?” I ask.
“Nope. You got yourself a virgin, man.”
“And what do I do?”
He laughs. “It’s not rocket science. On the one hand we have my ass, aching for your cock. And there is your cock, not necessarily aching for my ass, but aching for a hole nonetheless. Just be careful. And please pause after the tip goes in.”
I hesitate. “I guess. Just tell me to stop if it hurts.”
“I will. Now, come on.”
I stare at his brownish pink asshole. Awkwardly, I move forward, guiding my boner towards what he called a hole, but it looks more like a puncture. Is that supposed to fit? When the tip of my cock rests against the hole, I ask one more time: “Are you sure?”
“Duude. Do it already. Rip me apart.”
I put some pressure on it, but it doesn’t budge. Every newton I put in his direction, directly pushes back. I push harder, but it doesn’t really feel good. “You gotta relax.”
“Trying to.” He sighs. “Try again?”
I push again. It’s easier this time. I’m observing the top half of the tip disappearing. And the bottom half. It feels weird, the pressure from the sides. I hope the rest isn’t this tight, because, to be honest, it hurts a little. That’s not supposed to happen, right? Milan is breathing heavily and I’m pausing like I promised I would.
“Go.. on…”
“There it goes.” I push in even more. Soon I’m halfway in. I pause again and listen to his breathing. When it sounds like he’s breathing normally again, I start moving up and down a little. I don’t dare going in all the way. He doesn’t protest when I start moving, so since the first time I focus on my own sensation.
And oh my gawd. What the hell is this. It feels a little like his mouth, but it’s way tighter. I can feel the softness and the warmth all around my dick.
“Go faster,” he moans.
I speed up. Unghh. This is heaven. I think I’m seeing stars. I can’t focus on them, that would cost too much energy and right now, all my blood is going down. I sigh and speed up even more. Milan is panting and moaning. Just from the side of his slender body, I can see his hard dick sticking out.
Overwhelmed with the sensation, with the hormones, I do the stupidest thing ever. In my defense, as I said, not much blood is going to my head now. So, it’s perfectly normal I confused two things. I confused caring for this feeling, this emotion and caring for the guy in front of me. For some reason my stupid head thought I loved him, instead of the feeling of reaching a climax. In short, I grabbed his cock from behind. The moment my hand touches it, there is a split second of regret going through my cortex, but that disappears quickly. While fucking his ass, I’m also jerking him off.
I don’t even notice his moans. I’m just enjoying the feeling. I also don’t notice his moans are getting more frequent and his panting growing louder. I guess I don’t even notice, or at least, not really consciously, his cum landing partly on the floor and partly on my hand. I just continue fucking him. I go on, speed up, pant and moan. I try to reach my climax, until I hear Milan speak. “Uhh, Dan… Dan, I’m sorry, but uhh…”
His voice pulls me back to reality again. I suddenly realise what I just did. I slow down.
“I’m sorry, but it hurts. I think, uhh, can you stop maybe?”
I do as he asks.
“I’m sorry dude. I don’t want you to think I used you or something. But, you kinda… well, I guess this all just turned me on too much. And now, after I came, well, it hurts. I’m sorry.”
I frown. I don’t really manage to conceptualise reality. It’s all a blur. Defeated and confused I retract my dick from his ass.
Milan turns around. He’s smiling, but then he notices my confused face. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up with you.” He looks at my in cum covered hand and starts licking it all off. I don’t protest. I’m just looking at it all happening, stunned by the rush of hormones and emotions. My dick is twitching and my balls are starting to hurt.
I’m just wondering. We’re teenagers right? So hormones are supposed to overwhelm us, I think. Anything we do in these teenage years, it doesn’t really mean anything. At least, that’s what I want to believe. That’s what I need to believe. I can’t really believe anything else, because Milan kisses me. And I… yes, I’m almost too embarrassed to recall the event… but I open my mouth, opening for his tongue to enter. And I enjoy it!
