Confessions of A Dancehall Ex- Wife Part 2
Introduction:
A Jamaican Story
Someone once said that sex is more than an act of pleasure, it’s the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable, that it’s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at that moment you’re part of them”.
There were no birds, no soft songs, no sweet nothings. We had sex how we knew we should. Without rules and restrictions. No borders. Old fashion understandings Just the release of tension.
Clawing hands, and soft whispers. I wrapped my legs around his waist & pulled him inside me, holding his back tightly. This was it. He was sweating, moving with me. We were one. One heartbeat. We didn’t care. Marco’s pants was bundled around his knees, my dress was up around my waist. I could feel the night air was cool and crisp, but the heat from our bodies just right. Right for what was my now. With one hand he held the gun behind my back. With the other he held my face as we kissed. Nothing mattered at that time. His chest, muscles, charm, cruelty, him. He was all mine for that moment and that was what mattered. With one swift movement he tried to pulled the car door. It didn’t open. Still fucking, we moved to the next car, he tried the back door. It opened and we got in. Then he really started.
His tongue found a nipple and bit down softly. I couldn’t contain the sound that escaped from my lips.
The weight of his body upon mine. Hard and unyielding. Stiff cocky. Wet pussy. Hard pounding. Pounding.Pounding. Wet smacking. Flesh against flesh. Oh yeah. I was loving this shit.
His hands gripped my hips, his big cock rapidly plunging into my pussy. I couldn’t contain the moans.
“Uh, yes baby. Oh Marco. Oh God! Oh God!”
My fingers gripped his shoulders. I was holding him tight. I was loving how sweet it was feeling. Oh fuck Marco was hitting all the right spots. He had my body shaking. Almost on the verge of tears, the way it felt so good.
I screamed and he covered my lips and refused to stop. Relentless pleasure. He knew I was loving it. I didn’t want him to stop. I wanted it to last forever. Too much, this was way too much, and I was loving it. My role was to obey his commands, his directions, his demands, his body.
“Oh God, yes! Fuuck!”
I didn’t care. It was raw, it was spontaneous. What was better than sex?
Sex with Marco. Mmm….
It was over. I sat in the truck and watched him get on his bike. He looked at me as he zipped his jacket and put on his helmet.
He didn’t smile. No goodbyes. No see you laters. Nothing. We just fucked, finished, sorted out our clothes and walked away from the car.
The owner is gonna be mad as rass.
The bike was parked under a tree in front of my truck. He started it, took out a blue piece of paper from his pants pocket and placed it in his jacket. He rode off. The end. For now. It lasted only 30 minutes from the grab to him riding off. It seemed like forever.
I was tired. My clothes, or what was left of them, needed changing. I had no idea where my shoes went. My makeup was a mess not to mention the hair. I turned on the vanity light and looked at myself in the mirror. What I saw looking back at me was satisfaction. How ironic. (1) My man, I mean my main man, I mean the man that people knew was my man, was hundreds of miles away in London living it up with his women. Marvin was probably married for all I knew. (2) I recently had a miscarriage. (3) Kelly was back in Jamaica up to who knows what. (4) I had no real friends. The girls were good company but I do know that they could be vicious bitches. (5) I was yet to have a child. (6) I just had sex in a stranger’s car, in a parking lot, with a man who I knew so much about yet he was still a big mystery. (7) Marco has his baby mother who he loved.
My life is now officially fucked up. And here I was, stretched out in the front of my truck, the air conditioning on, my legs outstretched, the smell of manliness all over me. Here I was talking about being satisfied. Where is the misery, the guilt, the shame? Fuck that. I AM SATISFIED.
Something caught my eye. It was a bag on the back seat. I reached around and took it up. Where did it come from? This bag wasn’t here when I parked earlier. The doors to the van lock automatically when I am 10 feet away with the keys in my hand.
I opened the bag. Several items were inside. Items that I wanted at the service station. Items that I took up and replaced when that Andre Blingers was putting the moves on me. I saw a receipt. The items were purchased tonight at the same service station. How the hell did he get in the truck? I was getting angry. I reached out before the front passenger seat and was feeling for the paper with his number that I had previously thrown there. That fucker Andre is going to get a piece of my mind. I didn’t see the paper. Did Andre really remove the paper when he broke in the truck? It was a blue piece of paper. I searched under the seat. No paper. No blue paper. The only paper I have seen since I left the service station was….was… the piece of paper….the piece of blue paper I saw Marco place in his jacket pocket right before he rode off. Shit. Did Marco have spare keys? Was he really following me? But if he stayed behind to buy the items, how did he find me?
My cell started to ring. I reached in the handbag and answered it. It was still ringing. Or should I say a phone was ringing but it wasn’t my phone. I looked around and felt under my seat and found a cell phone. It stopped. Did Marco forget his phone when he broke in? The phone rang again.
I answered. “Hello”.
“You good?”, said Marco.
“Yes”, I was getting more surprised at his antics.
“You got wat you want now so you good”, said he, cool and calm.
I didn’t hear anything in the background, so that mean’t that he had stopped somewhere quiet.
“How you get in the truck?”, I asked, I really wanted to know.
“You are the one who love to play games, you tell me”, cool and calm again.
Games? Hold on. We just had sex. He came and found me. He refused to take my calls. He changed his number. And I was the one playing games?
“Fuck off”, was all I could say.
“Just answer the phone when I call”, Marco said quietly.
“How am I yo know that it’s YOU calling?”, I snapped.
“Cause is me one have this number and is me one supposed to call you”.
“Then suppose I dont answer? Suppose I give the number to someone else?”, I threw at him.
“Give anybody you want”, he said without any emotions, yet it sounded so threatening. Was this the man who I just fucked? Yes it was. This was the side of Marco that I was introduced to on many occasions. Contradictory. Rough. Cold. Intense.
“Are yuh going home?”, said he. That sounded like an order than a question.
“Yes”, I was way too tired to argue. He hung up. Typical.
The house was quiet and everyone seemed to be asleep, upon my returning home. There was a slight drizzle. As I reached inside my bag for the keys to the front door, it was then I noticed a new addition to the bunch. It was a gold heart shaped key ring with the words “FOREVER” engraved on one side. It was then the thunder and lightning started as the rain pelted the driveway.
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Marvin’s calls became more frequent. We would speak for lengthy periods about the good times we had. He begged my forgiveness. Could I forgive him? Should I just keep on living the lie? But I was also building on the lie. My hands were not clean. It reached the point that I wasn’t even sure that Marvin was lying or if I wanted to keep on acting. But I was a good actress. Marvin had successfully brought me to my knees and the bruises were still there. But he still my man. It was still my relationship. But I saw the problem. The old Marvin was returning. The “pre Kelly” Marvin was seriously gaining ground. The Marvin who now remembered our early days, the days when we would sit and hold each other, whispering in each other’s ears, was at the door to my heart. The Marvin who would touch me in those places that created sensuality, who was able to create that ever flowing river of emotions. Marvin was not going to let my heart go so easily. But was I prepared to wrestle my future from him and go my own way?
Marco called me everyday. No set time. The phone he gave me would just ring and I knew that it was him. Nothing much was said. Short questions about how I was doing, one line replies. Nothing about love, caring, missing me, wanting me. Nothing said. But I could hear them. His intensity, his jealousy, his emotions were louder than any spoken word. These were dangerous waters. He was a dangerous man. But, he told me that all I heard was lies, that he was a hustler. But a hustler that remains unpredictable, untameable. Someone who values trust. Someone who demands loyalty. Someone who you will never be certain of. I didn’t want to love him. All my senses told me that it was wrong and bound to end in tragedy. How could I love Marco? What will our future be like? One week had passed since the parking lot. However, I haven’t seen him since. He showed no signs that he wanted to see me. Was this my punishment for my deeds, my deception? It was as if he wanted me to be there, just existing for him , purposely prodding my nerves. As if he was examining me, my reactions, teasing me, daring me.
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Its been a week. Thunder, the selector ( dj) , was hosting his annual Boat Ride on the Caribbean Queen, downtown. Why they call it a boat ride I have no idea as the boat never leaves the dock. But it was an event that I had to attend.
Each year Marvin and I would attend. This year Marvin asked me to attend and represent him. He knew that I had been through alot but be wanted things to get back to normal, how they were, how they will be when he returns home.
Everyone attends Thunder’s Silk & Satin Boat Ride. Every dancehall personality, DJ, dancer, groupie, everyone. It was a crowded affair with persons from within and outside Jamaica. In attendance would be the fashionables and the spenders. I knew them all. This was the time of year that we would gather, pose, laugh or fake the laughter.
The girls were going. Marco was going. I went shopping with the girls. I planned on keeping it simple and elegant. The little black dress with accessories could never be wrong. The visit to the hairdresser was like for hours. I made plans for Paul and Prince (gay couple), to pick me up at home and then we would all go to the Pegasus Hotel in New Kingston where we would meet the girls. Then we would all head on downtown.
At home, while I slipped on my heels, the phone rang. The special phone.
“Hey”, I said.
“You good?”, came the voice.
“Getting ready. Paul said that he would be here in the next 5 minutes and we are going to meet the girls at the Pegasus”.
“You good?”, Marco repeated.
Ok, something was up. I could sense it.
“I am good”.
“Look here, Bumpy going to be at the Boat Ride”, he said.
My stomach got in a twist. A feeling of sickness washed over me like a wave. He and Bumpy attended every year, it wasn’t anything new. So why was he telling me? It wasn’t anything unexpected. But this was a new dimension. A new reality. Things had changed. We were different, Marco and I. But Bumpy was still his woman and I was now the one on the outside, interfering .
“You good?”. His words brought me back to reality.
“Yes I am. See you there”, was all I could manage to say.
“Keep safe. Later”, were his words before he hung up.
My mind was racing, then it went blank. Next thing I knew I was in Paul’s car chatting to him and Prince. We were nearing New Kingston. I had no idea how I skipped so much time and had no memory of what had transpired since Marco’s call. When I realised, I paused, took a deep breath and changed the topic from whatever it was we were speaking about. Paul looked at me and laughed and asked about the sudden change in my mood. I pulled the shawl closer around my shoulders.
Paul parked by outside the hotel and Prince went inside to call the girls. I saw their ride also parked in front the hotel by the main door so they couldn’t be far.
Paul took the opportunity to quiz me. He wanted to know what was the matter. He said I was distant and unfocused. I told him that I had some major things on my mind. Paul asked me who it was. I looked at him quickly and laughed. There was no one in my life but Marvin I assured him. As if the Lord was waiting to reveal my lying ways, THAT phone rang. I was ignoring it. Paul was looking at it. Paul started to laugh. He knew something was not quite right. I became annoyed. The phone kept on ringing. I answered. I didn’t know what to say to Paul except that I was going to wait on someone to collect something for somebody. I told him that I will meet him at the Boat Ride and that he must apologize to the girls for me but I will make it up to them later in the night. I got out and walked out to Knutsford Boulevard and climbed into the back of the black tinted sedan.
Frassman took off and within minutes we were by a small restaurant in Liguanea. I walked into the restaurant and saw Marco by the bar. He looked at me and winked and used his hand to pat the stool beside him . I took the seat.
He was dressed in a white shirt and black jeans. His hair, that had undergone a growth spurt, was in neat cane rows. He looked as comfortable here as he would in the tough White Wing community off Hagley Park Road. Marco’s smile was relaxing, disarming, cool, charming, full of surprises. We sat looking into each other’s eyes. Those eyes.
“What next?”, I asked.
“Nothing. We just chilling and spending some quality time”, he replied.
We ordered drinks and spoke about silly things, little things. We were clearly going around the real subject. His phone rang. He looked at the number and looked at me.
“I know its Bumpy, so answer it”, I said, trying my best to speak in a low not jealous tone.
“She can wait. Not until we finish here”, Marco said as he locked off the phone.
That was definitely something new. We didn’t talk about us and the future. No talk about love. Just small insignificant nothings. After forty five minutes he said it was time to go.
He paid the bill and we went outside and got in the car driven by Frassman.
On the way downtown, he gently pulled me closer to him and I rested my head on his shoulder.
He caressed my back, held up my face and we kissed. Softly.
He looked into my face with those deep soulful eyes and said “You already know what is what. Just keep the order and everything will be ok”.
A million thoughts raced through my mind. His rude and brazen attitude had no limits.
I stared at him and was equally surprised at what escaped my lips, “Ok”.
Did I just commit to this mess, this situationship, to HIM, with that one simple word? No I didn’t. Ok isn’t commitment. It is just “Ok”. But I knew that one word said alot. Too many things. Fuck Ok, this was not Ok.
I expected that he was going to arrange for us to arrive at the Boat Ride separately, given the circumstances. I was surprised and disturbed when the car continued downtown and pulled into the drop off zone, I looked through the tinted window and saw the flashing lights, the crowd, the glee and glamour and became afraid and felt exposed. Marco squeezed my hand, kissed me on the neck then let go. I got out the car and walked over to the red carpet and stood before a large banner.
As the dozen or so cameramen clicked away, I posed, smiled, turned here and there, waving to people who stood around calling my name. When that was done I walked into the venue and as I made my way to our usual tent. I could hear the selector (dj) hailing Andre Blingers and the Blingers family from Canada. I stood beside the girls. Paul and Prince were by now on the boat. Marco and Bumpy were beside me, holding hands, laughing, exchanging words. The fucking perfect couple.
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Sharon and the girls were enjoying themselves. The Boat Ride was going good. The music was pumping, the crowd was moving and the cameramen were clicking away.
Marco and Bumpy had their hands locked together. They looked comfortable, happy, inseparable. Thunder was here, there and everywhere. His dance, his night to shine.
I was rocking to the beat of the music, wrapped in a glow. A glow that was so wrong, yet so right. In the space of a few months, I had managed to move from a dysfunctional relationship with a cheating, self centred jerk, to a “relationship” with Marco, where I was now the cheat, the one living the lie.
I sipped at a glass of something, dont know what it was, just remembered that Paul had handed it to me. Something fruity with vodka.
I was just staring out at nothing in particular when something forced me to focus. It was a familiar face, Andre Blingers. He was with a group, all waving Hennessy and Cristal bottles, splashing a few people around them. They had no care in the world. Well, they were enjoying themselves. And he kept looking in my direction. He waved and shouted some greeting or the other. I rolled my eyes and turned away. He was too much.
Paul and Prince appeared and we started to talk. Selectors from Stone Love were now playing music from the 70’s and 80’s and Prince held me and we started to dance. I had not a care in the world at this time and was determined to enjoy myself. I reached out and handed my drink to Paul and Prince spun me around and I stopped suddenly in the arms of someone else. Tipsy and frightened, I looked up saw that it was Andre.
“Hey you”, he said as we danced.
Didnt even know that someone his age appreciated this type of music much less to move so smoothly to the beat. As Gladys Knight and the Pips belted out “Midnight Train To Georgia”,
I said to him, “ You know that you going get youself in some serious problems if you continue same way”.
“Big Woman, listen this, any problem that reach me, I have the solution”, was his reply as he moved closer.
I eased him off a bit but kept the pace going as he was a fairly good dancer.
“Some things may just be bigger than you”, I said.
He laughed and as Barbra Streisand and Barry Gibbs started the line “…and we’ve got nothing to be guilty of….” he started singing the words to the song.
“Nothing cant be bigger than what I have, you nuh want to find out?”, he smirked.
He still had a bottle in his hand and he took a gulp from it and started to pass it to me. I told him no, not interested. Way too much of him now.
“Big Woman, you know the night I saw you by di gas station, I just cant get you out ma mind”.
“Enough.” I said and pushed him away.
“Thanks for the dance still, you have vibes Big Woman”, he said as he moved back to his group who were by now watching both of us with some amount of interest. I turned and moved back to my original spot.
Bumpy and Marco were by now locked in each other’s arms, her head resting on his shoulder, both slowly dancing away.
Next few minutes pass, then I felt someone tapping my arm and I looked around and saw Kelly.
“Hey!!”, she said, genuinely looking happy to see me.
“Kelly, how are you?”, was my reply.
“I am here yah enuh. I’m really glad to see you out still because yuh know that you and Marvin did really have the place lock, and like how him away I kinda glad that you keeping up the thing still”.
OK. This bombo rassclaat gal. Thank you Kelly for bringing up that name at this time. But I wasn’t going to let it bother me, that much. Breathe. I told myself. It’s a night to enjoy myself and neither Kelly nor Bumpy were going to stop that.
“So who and you come?”, was all I could say, as I looked around at the scene.
She moved and stood in my sight.
“Me and mi brother and his friends them”.
Ok. Got to get rid of this gal. She want to chat like we in fucking friendship. Like she never just had Marvin’s baby.
“Well, enjoy your self and we will link later then”, I said in a nice go about your business way as I took a fresh drink from Paul.
She flashed a smile and made her way off in the sea of fabric, weed and jewellery.
Kelly went straight over to Andre said something to him and both waved at me. Kelly hard at work as usual. Always in the spotlight.
By now the girls had gathered around me and I could sense that one of their sessions was about to start. Before I could count to three, Sharon led the charge.
“That likkle bwoy look like him like you. Where you know him from?”, she begun.
“First time I am meeting him is right here”, I lied.
“Him and Kelly tight though, I hear seh its his group she parring with now, since Marvin nuh really about again”, she slipped in.
Yep, I could tell that she couldn’t wait to bring up Marvin’s name.
“I see that bwoy around the place still. I hear him is name Andre Blingers and him come from Canada. Pure big dollars him ah spend from the other day. And is pure older woman him look. I wonder what Kelly doing with him?”, she rambled on.
What was Kelly doing with him indeed. But, fuck that. If Kelly want fuck under tree, in the river or on the sidewalk that is her business right now. I cannot let other people who are living their lives rule mine.
“I notice that Kelly not even look on Marco him, or is it because she see him with Bumpy. She must nuh want to catch nuh smacks inna the place tonight. But still, the all of you live loving. She used to fuck Marco then drop on Marvin. Marco and Bumpy here, you here… What ah mix up. Pure drama”, she laughed.
What ah mix up indeed. Sharon was going on and on the other girls had joined in at this time, pulling together the gossip gathered or created throughout the night. I had tuned them out, managing to hear them but not listening to them. I was not in the mood but for better or for worst they were still my girls.
Andre was now coming across to us again and out of nowhere Frassman appeared and stood in front of him, and they appeared to be talking to each other. They laughed and Frassman held him by a shoulder and led him away to one of the bars.
I was feeling tired by now. A few drinks, the chatting, the lights, the excitement. Paul and Prince came over and told us that they were leaving and asked if I was going home with them or I was staying. I asked them to wait for me and I said my goodbyes to the girls.
We walked outside and Prince left for the car while Paul and I waited at a point.
“So, that was him?”, Paul asked.
“Him who? Who you talking?”
“The young fellow, Andre I heard is name was. Is he the one who you are seeing?”, he pressed.
“Paul, get a grip of yourself. What the rass I doing with that child? Plus, try remember that I have Marvin so that isn’t even something I would consider”.
“Marvin is in England, doing who knows what and already him breed up Kelly and never care about you or him, certainly not your relationship so try don’t bringing Marvin into this. ”, Paul insisted.
“I am not interested in meeting anyone or knowing anyone else who might just complicate mi life. You already know what happened the last time and the stress I went through when I found out that I was pregnant. Never again”, was my reply as my mind reflected on that terrible period.
“Even now you haven’t told me who the man was, who really got you pregnant. You plan on telling me now?” That was so true. I never did get around to telling Paul the truth behind the pregnancy, though he stood in as the baby father at the doctor . Oh my friend, you’re so nosy. And yet I know concern is behind all the questioning too.
A black tinted sedan pulled up in front of us and Paul pulled me back as he looked suspiciously at it.
“Paul, I thank you for your company tonight, I thank you for the offer for the ride home, but I have to go now”, and with that I left is side and got into the car and closed the door.
Inside was dark, the driver pulled away from the curb. I could make out that it was Frassman behind the steering wheel.
My regular phone rang. The number was vaguely familiar. I answered and when I heard Andre’s voice I immediately hung up. Annoyance.
Then that special phone rang and I answered it.
“What’s up, Babygirl?”, was the smooth quiet voice.
“Tired, want to sleep. Thanks for the ride, wish you were here though”, I managed to say.
I didn’t hear any music in the background so I knew that Marco had already left the Boat Ride. I could hear Bumpy’s voice asking if he wanted something to eat.
He said no and got back to me, “I see that you enjoyed yourself”.
“Yes, no regrets and it was good seeing the crowd. So when am I going to see you again?”, I was sounding a bit needy and I knew it.
“Later? Tomorrow? Next year?”, I teased.
“Dont worry about that”
“I am not worrying, its just that I miss you already”, I said.
It struck me that I had now crossed that official line and was the other woman in his life. Or at least one of the other women, who to tell.
“The only thing you need to do is to settle yourself, relax and it will all work out”, he sounded reassuring. “You know that mi check for still, with all what you do, I give you ratings” and with those words he hung up.
Andre kept calling.
