Introduceing the Spartan Spitter
Introduction:
Ron Popeil offers a new invention called The Spartan Spitter.
Story: #25
Copyright ©2005
Written: February 06 2005
A story By: KaosAngel
Proofed by: Piasa_Troll
Please send any comments about this story to ([email protected])
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Imagine yourself sitting in your favorite easy chair, nagging wife finally went to bed, or those unruly daughter’s disregarded your rules and ran out again, you wish there was some way to spit and process them without spending a fortune, flipping though TV channels at 2AM looking desperately for something interesting to watch and being bombarded by infomercials on every channel promising to sell you some revolutionary new knife, cooking machine or some dumb get rich quick starter packaged, you know they never work because you bought them all before.
While searching though the endless bombardment of infomercials you come across a new one with a man in a blue apron that says “Ronco” you think to yourself “Ok Ronco, what are you trying to sell me now?” and you sit back to watch.
The man in the blue apron identifies himself, “Hello everyone I’m Ron Popeil, have any of you ever had trouble with a nagging wife?” Ron asked, your attention drawn to the screen, you reply to the TV, “YES!” while the whole audience also replied “YES!” Ron continued “And do any of you have 1 or more unruly daughters that just won’t follow your rules and gets into trouble all the time?” Ron asked the audience with all of them nodding and saying “YES!” at the same time you also say “YES!” eye’s now glued to this wonderful man who just might have the answers to all your prayers, “Well I have here for you today a revolutionary new female processing machine that is sure to change the way you prepare and cook that special girl, that nagging wife, or those unruly daughters” Rod continued walking over to a large machine made of chrome that shined in the light.
“I call this new female processor the Spartan Spitter” he said while you and the audience looked on interested, “I promise you that the Spartan Spitter will one day replace the old Jessica 3000 machine in the female processing business, many of the meat processing plant’s are already switching to this fabulous new processor” he said as the audience clapped. “Now we will demonstrate the use for the Spartan Spitter in just a moment but first I would like to show you what you will receive with your machine” he added walking over to a large counter.
He picked up a large steel spit “This is the spit that will come with your Spartan Spitter, its a full 8 feet long and 3 inches thick, we make them thick for two reasons, thickness means strength this spit will not bend, buckle of break under any weight, the second reason is the thicker the spit the more pleasure it will give your meat-girl” Ron said as he held up the spit for all to see and placed it down on the counter “its also guaranteed to stay sharp for ever, you never have to sharpen this spit!!, we will replace it if it ever gets broken, dull or damaged even if its your fault” He added.
“What would you expect to pay for such a great machine as the Spartan Spitter?” he asked, “The Jessica 3000 is still selling for over $5000.00 dollars, but your not going to pay $5000.00 Dollars for the Spartan Spitter, your not even going to pay $4000.00, or $3000.00, what if I told you that you can take this lovely machine home for just 4 easy monthly payments of $500.00 dollars, now isn’t that amazing?” he said to the audience as he continued reached down under the counter.
“You will also get my famous cook book called, In the kitchen with Ron” he added as he picked up the 300 page book and placed it on the counter “But wait there’s more!” he said, “I know that when you get this machine home your going to want to use it right away but if you are not familiar with the female spitting process you will most likely ruin your meat-girl, I don’t want you to go home and try it on your wife, daughter, girlfriend or any special girl, until you know how to spit her properly, so if you call now and promise to help us advertise I will include in the package my easy to follow step by step female spitting instructional DVD or VHS Video and ill even send a practice meat-girl with every package sold during this special TV Offer” he said placing a DVD and VHS Video on the counter.
A woman walked onto the stage with a naked meat-girl with a leash and collar on her neck, hands bound tightly behind her back, “The meat-girl you will be provided with will come from our special state licensed meat-girl farm where we breed and raise meat-girls, your girl will be over the legal cooking age of 18, but will not be able to understand anything beyond knowledge of the machine and why she is their, they are only thought the basic operation’s of the Spartan Spitter and will be able to help you prepare the side dishes for any recipe in the cook book you will get with this package” he added as he moved over too the two girls standing before him.
“Ladies and gentlemen” Ron said as he stood just behind the two girls, “These are my lovely daughters, Anna” he said placing his right hand on the naked meat-girl, “And Joan” he added placing his left hand on the shoulder of the other girl, “Anna has agreed to demonstrate the female spitting process on the new Spartan Spitter for us today” he said as Anna tried to smile.
Going back to his counter, “You know I was just thinking to myself, Ron what is a meat-girl barbeque without the barbeque sauce, so for everyone who calls within the next 30 minutes I will include in this package, 10 gallon’s of Chef Trolloc’s Special barbeque sauce, supply is limited so don’t delay, call today” he said pulling out a 10 gallon barrel that said, “Chef Trolloc’s Special Sauce” and placed it on the counter.
Looking to the girl’s, “Well I guess its time for Anna to demonstrate for you all how to use this easy to use Spartan Spitter female spitting machine” he said as he nodded to Joan to help Anna mount the machine, Anna started to cry it was obvious she was not participating willingly Joan didn’t have to force Anna to mount the machine but everyone could see that Anna did not want to be spitted today.
Once Anna was strapped down to the Spartan Spitter in a kneeling positioned with her hands still tied tight behind her back, her breast swinging loose through the holes in the chest rest and her feet secured in there padded ankle locks Joan removed her leash and collar and then strapped her neck and chin to the chin rest, when she was done Joan slapped Anna’s ass hard causing Anna to cry out in pain.
Joan then went to get a spit, locking it into the back of the Spartan Spitter and placing the sharp tip into Anna’s pussy, “OK dad she is ready to go” Joan called out to her father as he gave the signal to hit the kill switch, Joan hit the switch and sat down to watch the spit do its job along with their father Ron and the whole audience
The spit was moving fast through her cervix and into her uterus causing her to scream out in pain “AAAAHHHHH!!!!!” moments later the spit was passing her heart and the audience could see a noticeable bulge in Anna’s throat as the spit came out of her mouth and stopped about 2 feet in front of her eye’s she was still alive.
“You will notice that like the spit’s used for the Jessica 3000, our spit’s also allows the meat to breath through hollow air chambers in the spit, Anna will stay alive throughout the entire roasting process” Ron said as the machine continued its work, a small retractable arm came out of the bottom of the machine and started to buzz seconds later Anna’s belly was cut open and her guts were falling down the gut slide to a waiting bucket. “The Spartan Spitter does everything for you; all you have to do is get your meat strapped in the Spartan does the rest, its even self cleaning!” Ron said as the machine now sewn up Anna’s belly while Joan inserted a hose into Anna’s anus, “With the hose in place the Spartan will now fill Anna’s belly with delicious chicken stuffing” Ron said as Anna’s belly started to bulge out making her appear 9 months pregnant.
“Its that simple” Ron said as he walked over and gave Anna a hard slap on the ass, “All you have to pay for this wonderful new machine is 4 east payments of only $500.00 dollars” Ron added as Joan pulled the anal hose out and inserted an anal spit smaller then the first, she shoved it hard up Anna’s anus causing her to scream around the spit inside her, tears rolling down her face for all to see.
“There’s more!” Ron said, “I know that most of you have big family barbeques and lots of people to feed so your all probably thinking, well Ron I need to spit 2 or 3 daughters for my big family barbeque, one spit isn’t enough for my family, well ill solve that right now, ill throw in 2 additional spit’s for that big family barbeque and the price is still only 4 Easy payments of $500.00 dollars” he said as he placed two more spit’s on the counter with the first one.
“I’m looking at the price and it still seems a bit high, so ill tell you what I’m going to do for everyone who call’s and orders my machine before the end of this program about 5 minutes from now, I’m going to take off one full payment now the price is only 3 easy monthly payments of only $500.00 dollars, where can you beat that price?” he said as a cock appeared on the screen and the audience all screamed “NO WHERE!!”.
(Fade to credits), “The preceding program was a paid advertisement for the Spartan Spitter and was paid for by the people at Ronco”.
So your still sitting there watching huh?, are you going to call and order it?, ya I know you will that nagging wife and your unruly daughters wont like it but what do you care?, their all registered meat and above the legal cooking age of 18, you can process them anytime you want, so?, what’s stopping you?.
THE END
