Naked Quidditch Match –
Introduction:
Six Times the Fun
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Posthumous
You busy tonight?
To: Gryffindor Quidditch Team
From: Your Captains
Re: Today’s Game
Ladies and Gents:
McGonagall recommends we meet in her office an hour before game time. She wants to ensure that the protection spells are on rightly, and read us a riot act. As well, she and Flitwick will escort us to the lockers safe from the prying eyes of Harry’s adoring fans.
In other news, every Bludger will be aimed towards the Seeker for his snogging with our little sister.
Hugs & Kisses
(Or Slobbers & Gropes)
– Gred & Forge Weasley
Captains, Gryffindor House Team Extraordinaire.
To: Ginny Weasley
From: Katie Bell
FWD: Today’s Game
Sick ’em, babe. They’re threatening your man.
To: Fred and George Weasley
From: Ginny Weasley
CC: Ron Weasley
Re: Fwd: Today’s Game
Dear Prats:
Pray tell, how could Harry grope, snog or whatnot with me with our Mother and elder brother (Charlie) around? If you can explain this mystery to me, I’d be most delighted. Especially since I seem to be the person missing out on all the fun of said sexual mischief.
Oh, and if a single Bludger heads Harry’s way, as directed by any one of my siblings, I’ll make your life a living hell. First, with a conversation with Mum, and then in usual Weasley style. Apparently, the corrective potion for your ‘little’ problem gave you some big brassy balls. These too can be removed. Surgically.
Ever your loving, if vengeful sister,
Ginny
To: Harry Potter
From: Fred and George Weasley
Re: Re: Fwd: Re: Today’s Game
Running behind Ginny’s skirts, eh?
To: Fred and George Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Re: Fwd: Re: Today’s Game
You poor saps. I think, in your quest to feel outraged over nothing, you’ve forgotten:
a) You put us in this predicament of a naked game.
b) The girls want your hide.
Don’t look to me for blame. The ladies of our team aren’t peeved at me, so if they choose to protect my interests…shrug. Of course, the way I see it, they’ve chosen to protect the school assets. As for your sister, Ginny’s just instituting her rights to be protective of her potential claim.
What can I say, gentlemen? I have already sold 1.2 million calendars, sight unseen. I have a field of Aurors out there (all female) to watch for… deviant game plays. Why would I run to Ginny for protection?
Harry
To: Fred and George Weasley
From: Ron Weasley
Re: Idiots
Do stop before you get us all killed.
– RW
To: Katie Bell, Angelina Johnson, Alicia Spinnet
From: Humble and Pie
Re: We’re sorry
Dear ladies,
We’re very sorry for the horrid position we’ve put you in.
Honest.
Please don’t kill us out there.
– F&G
To: Full o’ !#$
From: Katie Bell
Re: Re: We’re sorry
Fred, George:
After six years of playing with you two, and what feels like centuries of knowing the pair of you, you don’t think we’re stupid enough to take that little last minute dig-out-of-your-grave seriously, do you?
For the record, Alicia spoke with Harry in the common room. He’s howling with laughter, just keeled over and dying laughing at the stupidity of the pair of you. Honestly, given the security going on yesterday and the way he’s run from your sister’s overtures of adoration before, whatever gave you the idea that they were snogging during the ‘shoot yesterday?
-The Girls
To: Katie Bell
From: Fred and George Weasley
Re: Re: Re: We’re Sorry
It’s all Lee’s fault.
To: Fred and George Weasley
From: Katie Bell
CC: Lee Jordan
Re: Re: Re: Re: We’re Sorry
Right. And we’ll be sure to let HIM know of that.
To: Fred and George Weasley
From: Lee Jordan
Re: What the?
I stood by you prats! I’ve defended you, supported you, researched potions (blah!) for you, and took risks for you! And THIS is how you repay my loyalty!
Just remember, old boys. While you’re out there PLAYING today, I’m the one in the commentator’s booth. And I’ll GET you for this.
– Lee
To: Gryffindor Quidditch Team
From: Your Captains
Re: The Game
We had a second thought. Want to concede the game?
To: Our Captains
From: The Girls
CC: Harry Potter
Re: Re: The Game
Oh, HELL no!
To: My Dear Captains
From: Harry Potter
CC: The Girls
Re: Re: The Game
Perish the thought! Gryffindor concede to the Slytherins? What WOULD Oliver say?!
– HP
To: Our Family
From: Fred and George Weasley
Re: Our Last Will and Testament
Attach: (30 K)
Dear Family:
We’re doomed. Please find attached our Last Will & Testament. Think kind thoughts of us at our funeral, if there’s enough of us left to bury.
F&G
To: Lord Voldemort
From: Harry Potter
Re: Our Last Mmail
Hey, Tom,
Haven’t heard from you lately. Hope you’re keeping okay. How are my Death Eaters? I’ve got a bit of a big match to play today, but I intend to come down with my Second In Command and inspect the troops shortly after.
Just to keep you up-to-date on my modus operandi:
a) Take over the Ministry
b) Imprison all Opponents in Azkaban (that’s you, Tom)
c) Insert my new world order
Please insert a physical exercise regimen for the troops. And, I’d like IQ testing done. I need people with quick reflexes and quicker wits. All others will join you in Azkaban.
Hugs & Kisses,
Harry
To: Ginny Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Moldie
Haven’t heard from ol’ Tom lately. I suspect he’s planning to attack today’s match.
To: Harry Potter
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Re: Moldie
I’ll take care of that. I think a stadium full of Moldiemort robes, and the advertisements for Mockeries of a Dark Lord on the Wizard-view will be enough to throw him off his game. But, just in case, I’ll see about having Charlie get those three dragons fly about on a patrol sweep.
– G
To: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Lord Voldemort
Attach: (100 K)
Professor:
As we have developed and marketed recent inspirational materials (Moldiemort Robes, and our newest product Mockeries of a Dark Lord due for release in hardcover next month), we have received many threats from Lord Voldemort. While hollow in nature, and really quite trivial, we do believe a potential “retaliation” of Moldie with his unhygienic Death Eaters may disrupt the game.
Given the passion we Gryffindors have for our sport and our team, I would like to make a few suggestions as to how to prevent ol’ Moldie from causing any problems.
A) A prevalent display of Moldiemort robes would cause him much anguish and frustration, possibly throwing him off his game.
B) The attached magical slide-show advertising the upcoming book, Mockeries of a Dark Lord, will also cause him much emotional grief.
C) Dragon sweeps. We have three on the premise, complete with trained riders. Sweeps of these creatures will disrupt the magical fields and stability needed for the Death Eaters to apparate with structure.
Any other defenses you may determine needful would also be welcomed, but the above are easily incorporated and will definitely give Tommy some emotional trauma that should give us an advantage.
Best regards,
G. Weasley
