Agatha Allbut & The Bimbo Squad Ch 01 The Backstory

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Agatha Allbut was a nerd. Not a hot nerd like Willow, or Velma but a real honest to God, down to Earth NERD. She would have fit in with Lewis and Booger if she had been alive in the eighties. She looked just like one would expect a girl with that name to look; 5’1″, 95 lbs measurements of 32A-26-31. Long mousy brown hair, always in a ponytail, pale oily skin, thick glasses, and of course braces.

Junior High had been miserable on Agatha, and high school was worse. Today, it was going to become unbearable. It was the day she had to do an oral presentation on her family’s lineage, in her AP International Studies class. Agatha was going to have to stand up in front of her classmates and tell them about her family history, and the meaning of her name.

The name Agatha means good. Her surname was Germanic in origin, originally spelled Albodo. Albodo was a common name formed by combining two words. Adal and Bodo. Adal means noble and Bodo means messenger. So her name means Good Noble Messenger. Sounds fine, but Agatha knew her classmates.

Soon they would start calling her Good, All Butt. That was going to be her name as long as she lived in a one-horse town. Of course predictably inevitable happened. As soon as 3rd period ended the gossip mill spread her name all over school. It took time but eventually, most of her classmates moved on to other targets, but Agatha never got over the abuse heaped on her, especially by Bree and Pris, the schools alpha female sand co-captains of the Varsity Cheerleaders.

During a pep rally one day, she looked over the bleached blondes with the fake tits and faker noses and thought they looked like a bunch of bimbos. From that day on, she called them the Bimbo Squad, even referring to them that way in an open letter to the school’s newspaper asking why in this age of equality, girls still had to wear short skirts to participate in sports.

That letter didn’t win her many friends, and her time at school didn’t get any easier. Fortunately, the final semester of her senior year had just started and she would soon be leaving podunk and heading to school at Brynn Mawr, exactly 2,487.379 miles from her door to the main entrance of the campus.

Agatha was a math genius and a master of numbers. She could do calculations in her head that would baffle computers. She could estimate sizes and distances to within six-thousandths of an inch.

Agatha ordered a yearbook, not sure why, because she only had one fond memory of her high school years, and it didn’t even happen at school. Even that memory was tainted by the bimbo squad. It happened just before midterms.

Agatha was tutoring a freshman in math, a boy who lived right next door to her crush, Lars. Lars was the hottest, richest and most popular boy at St. Sextus Academy. Agatha had first met him on her 2nd day of Jr. High and before she even heard his name she knew he was going to be her first lover. She had a huge crush on him, even bigger than the one Minkus had on Maya and Riley.

As Agatha and the freshman tried to solve for X, the noise from the party next door kept distracting her pupil. All the popular kids were at Lars weekly beer bash. His parents were always traveling dealing with the clients of the International Law firm they founded. Agatha decided enough was enough and headed over to make Lars turn the music down.

Agatha timidly walked into the wall of noise emanating from the McMansion built way too close to the neighbors and went looking for Lars. She heard people yelling Chug, chug, chug, chug and knew that Lars was the one being cheered on. She followed the noise and found Lars standing in front of a keg, high fiving his loyal flunkies.

Agatha tapped Lars on his shoulder. Lars turned around drunkenly and looked at Agatha without really seeing her. Agatha opened her mouth to speak, and suddenly it was filled with a tongue. For some reason, her vision blacked out and she realized her eyes were closed. They were closed and she was making out with Lars.

She let her crush explore her mouth with his tongue and savored every second of their intimacy. For the first time in her 17 and 7/8 years on this ball of mud, someone who was not a medical professional was touching her tushie.

Part of Agatha was hoping the kiss would never end. Her brain was screaming at her to get the hell out of there because it was only a matter of time before Bree, Lars’ girlfriend, would find them. She wouldn’t care that Lars was too drunk to realize he was kissing Agatha. Bree and Agatha were mortal enemies.

Just as Agatha relaxed and began to enjoy the amazing kiss, her first one ever, a blinding white light lit up under Agatha’s eyelids and her head was jerked off the luscious lips she had been savoring. Her head was forced back so far that she lost her balance and fell to the floor.

Blinking away the spots floating over her eyes, she looked up and saw Prissy, Bree, and the rest of the bimbo squad standing over her looking pissed. “What the FUCK do you think you’re doing you freak of nature,” Prissy hissed at Agatha.

Agatha audibly swallowed, and before she could say anything, Bree kicked her in the side. Agatha almost passed out from the pain. “That’s enough!” a voice boomed throughout the room silencing everyone at the party.

Agatha opened her eyes and looked up to see Lars looking down at her with a concerned look on his face. The look on Lars’ face made Agatha even more nervous.

“Are you okay?” he asked. Agatha nodded, mentally and physically bracing for the physical and emotional attacks that the bimbo squad was about to unleash on her.

Lars offered her his hand to help her to her feet. Agatha reluctantly took it and felt electricity flow through her body. “Come lie down in my parents’ room until you feel better,”  he offered her, not letting go of her hand and leading her past the hostile stares of the bimbo squad, to the stairs.

“Uhh, no! Thanks, really. I gotta go,” Agatha gushed, pulling her hand out of his, and she dashed toward the door. As she started down the steps, she heard Lars say “Bree that was my fault! I felt a hand on my shoulder and thought it was you. I spun around and went for the kiss. I didn’t know it was Agatha.”

“Why the fuck was that loser weirdo here anyway?” Bree demanded

“You know everyone is welcome at my parties. No exceptions. If you don’t like my guests you’re free to party elsewhere.”

Agatha smiled at those words. It was the first time anyone had ever come to her defense, and it made her feelings toward Lars grow stronger. Even though she would never go to one of his parties, just knowing she was welcome made her smile. Having Lars tell off his bimbo squad girlfriend, put a small spring in her step as she walked home, forgetting about her tutoring session.

The following Monday at school Agatha felt everyone gossiping about her, as they kept looking at her, making subtle gestures. She knew she was once again the object of ridicule. She sunk in her seat dreading another day in this hell hole and kept reminding herself that soon she would graduate and head off to an Ivy League school without any of her classmates.

That afternoon, the Jocks on her bus were laughing and looking at her. Agatha was on the verge of tears when one of the Jocks stopped next to her seat. He looked at Agatha and her eyes met his and her heart sank. She knew he was about to hurl some dopey epithet at her. She glanced away, inwardly bracing for whatever new or not so new insult he was going to use on her. “Interesting party, huh,” he said with a slight smile.

Agatha looked at him, surprise evident on her face. “Lars and Bree broke up because she wouldn’t stop bitching about you after . . . what happened.”

Agatha just raised an eyebrow uncertain if this was the beginning of some elaborate prank the jocks were playing on her. “Seriously Lars dumped Bree’s ass, in front of the whole school. Then he told all the cheerleaders that if they to get revenge on you, he would personally ensure they suffered beyond imagining. Thought you might want to know.” He smiled and touched her shoulder, then walked off the bus calling out to his friends.

Agatha was lost in thought and missed her stop. She got off the bus mentally cursing herself and dreading the almost mile walk home. She couldn’t believe that Lars and Bree broke up, all because of her and that Lars was protecting her. Lars had never spoken to her before that night and had no reason to protect her. She wondered why he would do that, and tried to figure out if this was the set up of an elaborate prank.

The next morning, She walked into the school and started to make her way to her first class. As she maneuvered through the halls, getting out of everyone’s way, she couldn’t believe that everyone was still talking about her.

Somehow, the other students seemed friendlier, than in the past. Even the bimbo squad walked past her without a snide remark which was unheard of. As she reached her classroom, she saw Lars, who was not in AP Statistics, standing in the doorway. Agatha tried to slip by him, but he put his hand on her arm and she stopped, without looking at him.

“First, I want to say I’m sorry about what happened to you. I dumped Bree at the party.”

Without moving her head Agatha managed to squeak out “Okay.”

“Then I want to make sure you weren’t hurt too badly when that bitch on the ummm what is it you call them the . . ?”

“Bimbo Squad,” Agatha said shyly glancing at him.

Lars laughed, “That does fit them,” Then his voice dropped to a whisper and he said, “I want you to know you are welcome at any party I have, ever. The bimbo squad is off the guest list, PERMANENTLY!” Lars let her arm go, and before she could move he leaned close to her ear and whispered delicately “You’re one hell of a kisser, and you do have a great allbutt.” He quickly turned and walked away whistling.

Agatha rushed to her seat, hoping to hide her face which had turned three shades of red, while her classmates stared at her, wondering what the handsome rich jock had said to make her smile and blush.

After school, Agatha decided to walk home. As she turned the corner to her street, she saw a familiar car driving approaching her. With a sinking feeling, she saw Bree and Priss in the car which was slowing down. As Agatha saw Bree sitting in the passenger seat of Priss’ convertible, a bright green orb flew out of the car and struck Agatha on the chest, exploding, releasing its liquid contents all over Agatha’s chest.

An unpleasant but familiar scent wafted into Agatha’s nose. “Hope you enjoy that skank, cuz if we ever see you again, URINE a lot of trouble,” Bree yelled as the car sped off. Agatha realized the bimbo squad had filled a ballon with their piss to attack her with. Agatha finished her walk home crying.

She walked in her house calling out to her parents, needing some comfort, as she stripped off her urine-soaked blouse. Her voice echoed throughout the house, without any response. This was not unusual, it was unheard of. Her parents owned a very successful web design company, with offices in four states, but the best coders worked from home to maximize their productivity. They could work around their life schedule and put in more hours than their counterparts that worked in offices. If her parents weren’t eating or sleeping they were writing or reviewing code.

Agatha walked into the kitchen and saw a note on the fridge, ‘Agatha, Honey as soon as you get home call us at Mom-Mom’s.- Dad.’

Agatha called her grandparent’s house and her mom answered the phone. “Sit down baby I have some bad news.”

Agatha sat down on a chair in the kitchen waiting for her mom to tell her what she already knew. “Honey, Mom-Mom, and Pinto were flying back from their summer home in Florida, and their plane crashed when they tried to land. They’re…they’re…” her mom couldn’t finish as she began to bawl.

Agatha stood there in disbelief, and her mouth opening and closing like a fish not knowing what to say. Her father’s voice, usually deep and strong, sounded weak and pained as her mom’s sobs faded in the distance, “Cutiekins, I sent a Lyft to bring you here. We packed some clothes for you, Bring anything else you might need. I love you and will see you soon.” The only response she had were tears exploding from her eyes as she dropped the phone and fell to the floor.

Agatha missed the last few days of school and her graduation.

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TO BE CONTINUED

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