All I really want…

I’m bisexual. My friends all think I’m straight, or at least my real orientation is nothing but suspicion on their parts.

I’m in love with my best friend, Jessie. He doesn’t know. He can never know.

I’m currently involved with an amazing girl, Anna. She’s ridiculously horny so I get to have sex all the time, and she knows I have no feelings for her whatsoever, and probably never will. She just doesn’t know why. The kicker is that her best friend, Emma, is also involved (for lack of a better word) my best friend.

Now, if I were to tell her why I didn’t have feelings for her, I would have to tell her about Jessie. At which point, she’d probably hate me, because I think she assumes I don’t do feelings as a rule more than I just don’t have feelings for her. If Anna knew, then Emma would know, and then Jessie would know, and then it would get really awkward. So for the time being, Anna cannot know either.

How do you keep love a secret?

“Where are we?” Anna turns toward me in bed. The lights are all off but the ambience of the city creeps in through the windows and I can see the outlines of her breasts above the covers rising and falling while she breathes.

“We’re in my bed.” Ambiguity is my weapon of choice.

“Zack, please. Look, we’ve been…sleeping together…for what, three weeks now? I know you don’t have feelings for me, but…” her fingers trace the line of my jaw. I can’t see her eyes, but I can tell that she’s looking directly at me, “I need to know more about what’s going inside your head. I still feel as though you know me a lot better than I know you.”

It was true; I did know her a lot better than she knew me. I had purposely kept it that way. I don’t like to lie, so I’d rather keep my feelings hidden away then confront them. What was I doing with her anyway? We had something, it obviously wasn’t nothing, but how is it fair to carry on like this—to either of us—when I could never commit? But the physical chemistry between Anna and me… Wow!

“You know plenty about me.” I smiled and pressed my face into her hand so that she could feel my smile even if she couldn’t see it. Slowly, I raised my arm out of the covers and traced her areolas, causing her nipples to tighten. She breathed sharply and leaned in for a kiss. Our mouths found each other in the darkness we bit at each other’s lips before trading tongues in a deep embrace.

Sidling closer, Anna’s hand that had been on my face found its was to the back of my head where she ran it though my hair and pulled me in deeper. Her other hand began to creep down my chest and across my abs. She found me, already erect, and smiled into the kiss, breaking it to nibble her way down my jaw line to my neck. Her mouth closed on my neck, her teeth scratching my skin sensually. She bit my shoulder hard, knowing that a little pain always turned me on more. She kissed my chest, nibbling and blowing on each nibble once before running her nose down my stomach to the prize.

I watched as she leaned over my 7 1/2 inch dick. Her right hand was slowly pumping it as her left scratched through my chest hair. Her large breasts swayed with the motion. Because of the way she had positioned herself I had a fairly good view of her shaved, quivering vag, aching for attention of its own.

I knew what I wanted. I pull both of her legs up over me so that she was straddling my face while she prepared to engulf me. The blankets had been tossed aside long ago. Then she dove in. Her warm mouth was like heaven around my shaft as she pumped the base rhythmically, her tongue working sensual wonders. Desiring to equalize the pleasure I leaned up and began teasing her clit with my tongue, sliding my index finger past my face into her cavity to rub her g-spot.

Her pleasured moans reverberated on my dick and only made me stimulate her clit with increased fervor. I could sense myself approaching release and slipped a second finger insider her. The combination of the clit stimulation and double g-spot rub pushed her over the edge and she moan deeply while swallowing me whole. That was new! Most girls couldn’t get all of me down without gagging. Her surprisingly skilled throat muscles finished me off and we came together.

Exhausted, she collapsed on top of me as my dick plopped out of her mouth and onto my right thigh, still leaking. She rolled off to my right side and panted, giggling with post coital happiness. I reached my right arm under her leg and placed it back on her cunt, slipping a finger inside with one more on her clit. I didn’t mean to pleasure her, but there was something very comforting about having my fingers inside of a girl. She sighed appreciatively and leaned her head against my leg. We fell asleep in this position.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Emma?” I looked up at Jessie inquisitively. We were eating dinner at one of the smaller campus eateries. He was in the middle of a bite. I had timed the question that way, knowing that he would have to pause before answering, increasing the likelihood that he would take the question seriously.

“What’s the deal with you and Anna?” Too much to hope for.

“She knows that I have no feelings for her.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.” Pause. He didn’t feel like answering my original question, so I asked again, “What’s the deal with you and Emma?”

“We’re involved.”

“Do you like her?” Pause. He was very uncomfortable with the question, and I was enjoying every moment of it. He looked away from me, perhaps searching for the correct answer among the rest of the patrons. While his gaze was distracted I took the opportunity to soak in his beauty. Jessie and I look a little similar, we both have brown hair and brownies eyes, but that’s where the similarities end. I’m in pretty decent shape, but his body fucking rocks. I don’t know what he did before college to make it so awesome, but it worked (I’ve seen him changing before). He’s also blessed with no torso hair past a naturally trimmed happy trail. Don’t get me wrong, I love my own chest and belly fur, but I tend to be more attracted to the less hairy guys. I also happen to stand about three or four inches taller than him. I can’t do him justice by describing all of his attributes individually, because it’s the combination that works so well, but suffice it to say, he’s fucking beautiful, and most everyone would agree.

His eyes returned from the crowd and I sharpened my eyes from the lovesick glaze that had fallen over them a second ago. “I’m happy…”

That answer hurt me more than he could have known.

We finished eating and headed back to his room. When we got there I threw down my stuff while he put on music. I didn’t come here very often, it didn’t feel great to be here, and he didn’t actually invite me over that much. We usually hung out in my room, granted my room is much more awesome. We wedged open his door to let music into the hall as took a soccer ball out to kick back and forth. I had stopped grilling him about Emma and an awkward silence fell over us until he asked, “You don’t like her?”

“Anna?”

“Yeah.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause I don’t.” What would he do if I told him why not?

“That’s hardly an answer.”

“It’s a perfectly legit answer. I simply don’t have feelings for her.”

“Is that ‘cause you are just devoid of anything or ‘cause you like someone else?”

I guess if he’s going to ask this directly, “Because I like someone else.”

“Who?” He didn’t seem very interested; it was as if he was talking to his mom or something. I imagined him asking all of the questions while thinking about something else…just going through the motions of grilling me. My heart was racing.

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Why not?”

“’Cause they don’t like me.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

“You sure?”

I was just getting pissed now, “Fine, do you like me?”

“Yes.”

WHAT? “Wait, what?”

“…What?” He stopped the ball under his foot and smiled at me. Damn that smile.

“You…like me? Like, really like like me?”

“Yeah, I like like you.”

“Fucking dick!” I bum rushed him, pinning him against the wall with one hand pressed up against his throat and the other holding his right arm tightly. I paused there, my face merely five or six inches from his. This didn’t make any sense, I had been hitting on him for the entire time I had known him and he not once slipped me anything that could be considered a signal of any sort. Though perhaps his so perfectly straight a performance could have clued me into how planned it must have been. But then again, I was probably just over thinking things. I tend to do that.

My right hand on his throat moved to the back of his head and into his hair; my left hand down to his waste. His hands mirrored mine on me and I leaned in close, tasting his exhalations. I paused an inch from his mouth and savored the anxiety, letting him come to me.

With a surge of energy Jessie bounced his back off the wall and came crashing into my face with a ravage hunger. Our mouths and tongues interlocked in a kiss I had wanted for at least a year. He kept coming at me and had me up against the opposite wall. Our hands roamed each other’s bodies, groping, scratching, kneading, anything to bring our groins and faces closer together.

And then I woke up with a start, my breathing extremely heavy. Anna was still sleeping soundly and my hand was still resting slightly insider her. The ambient city lights outlined my erection pointing straight up. A fair amount of precum had begun to leak from the tip. I mumbled a curse and then leaned back down onto the mattress to return to my slumber, hoping to pick up where I left off.

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