Common Erotic Mistakes

1. Using . . . Ellipses . . . Every time . . . A character . . . Speaks . . . Or . . . Performs … An action . . .

There’s no reason for it. You aren’t William Shatner, and nobody talks like this in every day conversation. Also, the frequent pauses just makes me imagine all the characters are William Shatner (old, not while on Star Trek) and nobody really wants to think about him fucking himself. Ellipses are used when words are omitted from quotes, or when the speaker trails off without really concluding the sentence. So there’s no reason for the narration to have any of them, especially in third person.

2. Let’s get excited!!! You know what I mean???!! I’m genuinely having a good time writing this story!!!!!!!!!

Rarely, if ever, use more than one exclamation point or question mark at the end of a sentence. One is enough. I’ve seen stories where the author has used exclamation marks after every sentence, even when narrating a calm scene. A concession could be made that you want to represent a character as yelling so a person in another room can hear them and you just plain don’t want to do all caps to get that point across. There’s also the mix of the combination for question marks and exclamation points. There’s no set rule, so it doesn’t really matter what order. Though it could be said, that question mark first is best if the sentence is more of a question: “Where is this place?!” While exclamation point first is best to express outrage or anger: “Just who the hell do you think you are!?”

3. “Oh baby you’re fucking me so hard?!”

Yes, putting question marks at the end of sentences that aren’t even questions is more common than you think, but not as common as some of these. Still happens though. Like the example sentence, I doubt most people have sex so good that they literally don’t know how hard they are getting fucked. Then again, could be the sex is so boring that sarcasm is necessary, but by then you drop the exclamation point probably.

4. “That sounds like fun”! “What are you talking about”? “I just told you”, she said with a sneer.

Punctuation marks never, ever, ever belong outside of the quotation marks, because the dialogue is within them, so why the hell wouldn’t the punctuation for them be as well?

Suspension of Disbelief
These are good in satire or for the occasional read when you just don’t care. Fiction is fiction, but as you all know, there gets to a point where people have to call bullshit because they just can’t stretch their belief long enough to enjoy the story anymore. Hell, a lot of people get excited because the protagonists are really relatable in a lot of ways. But in these stories? Not so much.

1. Where the hell are you getting all of these things?

Often times stories have things that are ridiculously improbable. Apparently, every young teenager can afford multiple hidden cameras for blackmail purposes that no one can ever find unless they know exactly where they are. Another one is them having their own private room (bedrooms don’t count because everyone has a bedroom) that no one knows about. Sometimes they can even afford to build their own private buildings using their own funds. This is especially bad when the characters are young teens and thus couldn’t have been working that long. There are many more, but it’d take forever to point out all the ridiculous purchases, but I’ll cover one more. This one is more reasonable than the others, but seeing a minor walking into a sex shop and purchasing several sex toys? Guess no one cards in fiction land.

2. I’m rich, bitch!

This goes along with the above, when people actually do bother trying to explain how their young characters can afford these things at such a young age. Common ways are: “Dad made sure we were well taken care of before he died, he even set me up a trust fund for when I’m older!” Ok, so life insurance could work that way, sometimes. But as for putting thousands to millions of dollars into an account that a minor can access anytime they want? That usually goes in the will saying the child can’t touch the money until they become of age.

Another one: “Grandpa gave me bonds all these years for my birthday and I played the stock market and made all the right decisions.” or “I just had some money laying around, so I decided to invest in a business for the hell of it, and my profits were many, many, MANY times what I put in.” Bonds, people do receive them for birthdays. But kids playing the stock market and making it their bitch is very unrealistic. It takes a lot of specific knowledge to even know what investments to make, even with knowledge it often takes luck to come out on top, and even if they get a shit load of money out of it, what parents are just going to let their underage children spend thousands or millions of dollars on just whatever the hell they want instead of helping the family as a whole?

3. I’m just your average 14-year-old male. Quite muscular because I play sports all the time. I’m 6’4″, weigh 185, and my dick is a foot long. I cum so much when I masturbate I can’t close the door or I’d drown in my room. And my balls? So big that they broke my foot when they dropped.

Ok, that’s a bit of an exaggeration of things i have read, but it may as well be true. Too many times, people are just plain improbably big for their age. Puberty is an awkward time in life, your body does grow, but not everyone grows everywhere at once. Fine, you can be tall for your age, and sure muscular too, even the reverse with a short build with a big dick, but when both are true? Your poor heart just couldn’t maintain a body like that, and you’d probably have fainting spells every time you got hard. As for large amounts of ejaculation? Some people can, some people can’t. It has nothing to do with dick or ball size. But most people can’t because not everyone is John Holmes. None of these things are even average!

4. I’ve always had big tits. I started puberty at 8 years old and was a C cup by the time I was 9. When I was 10, they were DD. Now here I am at age 18 with L/M/N/O/P sized boobs. My back doesn’t hurt at all. I like the attention, have no problem finding clothes that fit. Plus having such large boobs doesn’t get in the way. So what if they sag like hell? Since I only weigh 45 pounds, they also do a great job of hiding my protruding ribs!

People say Barbie causes bad self-image. Girls develop early, yes. Sometimes puberty is inordinately kind to some girls (Dolly Parton). It’s also perfectly possible to have natural breasts of large size and still be “skinny” by society’s standards. But once you start hitting DD or above, you can’t be less than 100 pounds at all when they get that size. Boobs are fat deposits, but it is impossible for all fat in the body to go to them. Skinny also isn’t always good, especially if you have a large chest and hips and the size difference just makes your waist look like a toothpick. Going back to the weight thing, breasts do have weight; so on top of the weight of the rest of your body, there’s also their weight. I suppose you could have H cups and still weigh only 90 pounds, but that isn’t very healthy. Hell, those tits are probably the only things keeping you from floating away. And don’t even get me started on back problems.

These are just a few problems common to stories on this site. If I get enough views and decent enough ratings, I might make more parts.