Epilog: I’m not Kennedy.
I’ve been trying to kill her for a while now, the big problem is Kennedy doesn’t really exist. Kennedy is me, or at least one part of my personality. It’s that part which Matt met first. It was that part that which he fell in love with, but never told me. She’s a bitch, and Matt likes that about her. I want to be me, I want to be Kiki, I’m a much nicer person, and Matt likes that about me. Matt can get confused (and confusing) like that.
I thought I’d finally killed her when we had a chance at a new beginning. We’d spent two years working in different cities, and commuting to see each other each week. During that time, Kennedy had shown up periodically and been his perfect bitch, or made him her bitch. You probably don’t want to know what the bitch did to him, or you’ve read his accounts of that. I just wanted to be the perfect slut for Matt, “the slut” is what Kennedy calls me, I wear that label with pride.
We had our new beginning, Matt and I moved in together finally, and I invited Kennedy to join us. I took back more of Kennedy’s personality for myself, those bits that Matt, and Kennedy, enjoy so much. And you know what, we both enjoyed it. He willingly let me abuse him, I had so much fun doing that, and so did he. He never seems to enjoy what Kennedy does to him, enjoy isn’t what he was looking for, but when I did those same things, he’d get such a big grin, I was worried I was doing it wrong. But, he assured me I wasn’t. I let myself enjoy it, and he enjoyed my enjoyment. We got a nice big feedback loop going there, we both got off so much on it.
So why has Matt just sent Kennedy a text? Of course, Kennedy has a separate number, I got a burner for that. I thought it was role play, but I’m never sure when it comes to Matt’s perceptions, he has strange ways of looking at the world. Sometimes, I really am convinced he sees me and Kennedy as separate people. The text was simple, just “?”. So I texted back asking what he wanted, and then “Doesn’t the slut do that for you?” I mean, I didn’t know what he wanted, that I wasn’t already doing to him.
It took him a while to answer that, and I stewed and worried, what was I doing wrong? Then I got my answer, his response: “She loves me.” I really did laugh out loud at that, luckily he wasn’t in earshot when I got that. He does have some sense (very little), so when he’s arranging assignations with his mistress (i.e. Kennedy), I’m nowhere near. See what I mean about perceptions.
First, I’m relieved, I’m not doing anything wrong. As the song says, if loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Kennedy is a heartless bitch, that’s how I, and she, would describe her. She’d wear that label with pride. But, now what am I supposed to do?
I did the only thing I could do, release the new Kennedy. The new Kennedy was even more heartless, I’d already taken most of her, there was little left to be her. I was also pissed. That is not the right frame of mind to enter into a BDSM scene with, mea culpa. So the new Kennedy was also pissed. My plan was to make things so unpleasant, he’d never want to see Kennedy again, talk about misreading a situation. I’m supposed to be the one who can read things like that.
I turned up unexpectedly, typical Kennedy. Matt was working at home, I transformed myself into Kennedy (you know the trick SuperMan does with that glasses, so no one recognizes him, that’s how I do it.) I just barged in and started being Kennedy. I was wearing the dominatrix outfit I like. I was going to use the horse whip he hates (the one that had been a birthday present from Matt to Kennedy), though he had let Kiki use it on him. That was another thing Kennedy was pissed about, that he’d let Kiki use it, but not her. I told him I was doing it for my benefit, not his. I told him not to use the safe word, or I’d leave. I was surprised exactly how much that turned him on. I made him tell me what he wanted me to do to him, he hates that, he just wants to be done to, without any input.
I didn’t even tie him up; he does love being tied up. I even abused his balls (with the whip), he’s always been deathly afraid of me doing that. He still was, but he let me do it. However much I tried to make it unpleasant for him, it just turned him on more. He has some very weird ideas, in some fetid corners of his mind, I was managing to tap into some of the least pleasant ones. I really should have been able to read him better. I’m supposed to be the one with the people skills, and Matt is the most transparent human being on the planet. He surprised me there.
I also miscalculated how hard to hit him, or I let my anger get the better of me. I laid into him as hard as I could, with the horsewhip on his butt. I was expecting the safe word to come out, and Kennedy would be dead. There was some screaming, then he was quiet, unresponsive. I’d managed to send him right into sub space. That’s an altered state of consciousness that submissives can get into when stressed. He usually gets there after going down on a lot of pussy.
I really didn’t know what to do, but I reasoned that when he came out he’d need some TLC. I didn’t want Kennedy to be there for that, so I changed back to being Kiki and roused him. He was really demonstrative about how much he loved me when he was roused, totally high. I was glad Kennedy wasn’t there for that, he seemed to be imprinting on me. It was only when he said how tasty my pussy looked that I realized how turned on I was. Fucking hell, was I turned on. Being Kennedy and abusing Matt will turn me on, and I’m not that comfortable with that. I’d been so worried about him; I didn’t even realize I was turned on.
So I rode his face and came a few times, then blew him, that was when he finally snapped out of it, and he realized his butt hurt. I felt really guilty about that, I tried to be extra nice to him.
So now what?
I tried again. This time I’d make it so bad, he’d never want to see Kennedy again. I took notes, I worked out exactly how hard I could beat him, and not have him slip into subspace. Then, Kennedy put in an appearance again. It went much the same as the first time, but this time it hurt him. Again, I didn’t tie him up, but he couldn’t cope with that. I’d told him to keep his hands out of the way, but eventually he couldn’t. He covered his butt, and he cried even harder while apologizing to me for failing. I’m not sure if the pain, or the failure was worse for him. He’d already been crying, Kennedy likes to reduce him to tears. He was so upset that he couldn’t do as he was told, I took pity on him and tied him up. Then, I beat him mercilessly.
And it turned me on. Again, I was surprised how much it turned me on. Kennedy does get turned on by it, but exactly how much was a surprise. After about half an hour of the merciless torture, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I shoved my pussy in his face, telling him, “The sooner I come, the sooner I get back to whipping you.”
I was looking forward to one of his nice, long, slow, teasing performances. Ye gods, those are good. I was expecting him to want a respite, and I was offering him the chance. He should have been able to keep me on edge for at least half an hour, but he got me off as quick as he could. That was just about instantly. God that was an amazing orgasm, I wasn’t expecting it, it just knocked me flat. What really got to me was the realization he actually wanted me to be so harsh to him.
As I said, I was not comfortable with the way Kennedy was treating him, and how it was turning me on. But, he just gave me permission to do that to him. I took his permission and ran with it, once I managed to move again after that orgasm. I’d beat him until I couldn’t stand it any more, then get him to get me off. If I’d sensed any hesitation in that, I couldn’t have carried on, but he was just as keen as I was to get on with it. I must have done that five times, his butt was a mess for days after that. Again, as Kiki, I felt guilty and was extra nice to him.
So I gave up on my attempts to kill Kennedy, I let her live my worst fantasies. You know what? I know all his buttons, I know how to get to him. I can wind him up so badly, while turning myself on, that he’ll take it out on Kiki, on me. I love that, I can’t usually get him to treat me like that without him bursting into tears. As much as I hate Kennedy, she does have her uses.