I Don’t Care What I Am

When I was younger, I was never really attracted to guys. I guess I’m still not, in a sense.
I had this friend, well, I /have/ this friend named Cody. I’ve known him since I was a kid, so we kind of grew up together. When we were about twelve, his mom died and he got really depressed for awhile. You can’t blame him, that boy was really close to his mother, and his father is a royal dick. I guess it sort of brought us closer together. By the time we hit high school, I sort of got the feeling that he was gay. And after awhile, I really wasn’t surprised when he came out to me. I mean, Cody is essentially a female, and I don’t think he even tries. I’m kinda tall, and he’s below average for a male. I have strong, sharp features, and he has soft ones that kind of make him look like a china doll. He has these really dark eyelashes, and these wide blue eyes, they really are pretty. Yeah, pretty.
He also has these really pouty lips that a lot of people would envy. His face is generally soft, and round, and so is the rest of him, actually. Our freshman year his jeans got tighter, and that lovely, dark, dark hair of his grew out. He started styling it, and listening to weird music. I was listening to things that were generally aggressive, and he was listening to cute little songs that were usually acoustic. We stayed good friends after high school, and eventually, we decided to get a rather shitty one-bedroom apartment together. It was actually a few days after we’d been living there that he came into my bedroom (we both decided I deserve it because I’m paying for most of the rent) one night and crawled up to me on my bed and kissed me. It was the most forward interaction I’ve ever had with somebody, and although Cody can be a pouty, obnoxious, and rather ‘forward’ person, this was bold, even for him. I kissed him back, though, and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s just because his lips felt really nice. Either way, that’s sort of where things got intersecting. I’m not sure how long ago that was exactly, but we’ve been living here – in this shithole – for about four years.
I never imagined myself saying this, but I love Cody. I don’t say it often, definitely not as often as he wants to say it, but it’s true. When I’m not at work, I don’t mind being at home with him, whether we’re sitting on the couch sharing a joint, or I have him pressed against the slick wall of the shower, voice echoing off the walls.

Like I said, I never imagined myself being attracted to guys. But Cody’s not exactly a guy in my head. He’s more like… well, I’m not sure. The confusion really set in when I came home from work one day. I heard the shower running, so I decided I’d join him, because it’d been awhile since I really got to feel that soft, pale skin. I was startled at first, because I didn’t even recognize him. I guess he has clip-in extensions or something, I never ask, but that’s what I’m assuming, because his hair was longer, and curled. It was soft, too, and later on I’d be touching it a lot. His eyes were lined in black, and more than normal. It made his eyes brighter than I could imagine, to the point where it was hard to look away from them. Those pretty pouty lips were glossy, and there was a thin black choker around his neck. And of course, I couldn’t help but notice the rather short purple dress. It ended quite a few inches above his knees, and that’s when I sort of figured out why he’d been shaving his legs all this time.
He gave me this look, and I knew he was scared shitless, because I have a temper and I’m always bitching at him for being so feminine, but I wasn’t mad. I was frustrated. I was frustrated because it turned me on. Oh fuck, did it turn me on.

It was only a few weeks ago that I caught him like that. Not even a month ago that I shut the bathroom door and bent him over the sink, studying his expression through the mirror as he gasped and moaned. I’m not sure what it is, but seeing him like that just snaps something inside me.

He’s in the bathroom right now, actually. And he’s been in there for a long time, so I think I have a good idea of what he’s doing in there. It’s Saturday, and he knows I don’t have to work tomorrow. I’m standing in our room, staring at this picture of us on the wall, and we’re both really beaming. I’m trying to figure out what makes us work when suddenly something’s blocking my vision. I freak out, and pin the boy on the bed. He looks really startled for a moment, before he starts giggling. “I was trying to blindfold you, Ri, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He explains, raising a hand in defense. I don’t really hear what he’s saying, but he’s smiling at me and running his polished nails through my brown hair that’s still damp from the shower. I can’t help but stare, because he’s dressed up again – like some sexually pleasing china doll, and I know that he liked when I look at him like this, because he can’t stop smiling. I press a kiss to his lips but he pushes at my chest gently, shaking his head. “I’m not ready yet.” He says, that teasing grin firmly back in place. I lick the lipgloss that was transferred to my mouth off my lips, and even the way it tastes turns me on. I guess he notices, because he looks smug. “Raspberry.” He states, reading the fact that I can’t figure out what flavor it is. I use a hand to push some of his hair away from his face, and run my tongue along his bottom lip. His lips instantly part, and I can tell he really liked that. This time I’m the one smirking before I do it again, and apparently he forgets that he’s ‘not ready yet,’ because his tongue meets mine. We don’t normally kiss like this, but I like it, we stay like that for a moment before he pushes me again. “Stop, Riley. I’m not dressed yet.” He pouts, and that’s when I notice he’s still in his normal clothes. I sigh and roll off of him laying back on the bed as he gets up, giving me a small half-smile. “Hurry up.” I grumble, giving him a look. He doesn’t. He takes his sweet fucking time in the bathroom, before coming back out again. My brows raise, and I scoot back on the bed a bit, sitting up to really look like him. He shifts his weight from foot to foot in the doorway uncomfortably as my eyes rake over that pretty little body barely covered by a silky bit of what I guess is lingerie, before giving me a sheepish smile.
“Do you like it?” He asks quietly. I swing my legs over the side of the bed, and motion for him to come over. “I got it from Macy’s, but I felt really weird the entire time. You can only imagine the looks I was getting.” He’s rambling again, like he always does when he’s nervous, and it reminds me a little bit of why I like him so much. He pads over to me and in this position he’s taller than me, because I’m sitting on the edge of the bed. He looks down at me with his hands on my shoulders, and he can tell that I want him to shut up. I run my fingers up the sides of his legs, and he shudders a little bit, biting his lip as the trail up the back of his thighs. Cody is really sensitive, and I’m not exaggerating. It’s an issue, really. Keeping up with him has never been difficult, but it takes a lot of time. I have to be careful about touching him, even if it’s innocent, because odds are it will get him going. Like yesterday – we were laying on the couch, watching some stupid movie he really liked, and I was tracing patterns on his side half-mindedly. I didn’t really even know I was doing it, but I guess he liked it a lot. He had his back to me but suddenly he turned so he was facing me with those wide blue eyes and when I gave him a questioning look, he took my hand and put it between his legs. I was barely even touching him and he had managed to get himself hard. Like I said, it’s not difficult keeping up with him, but in situations like yesterday, sometimes I’ll just stroke him, because if I fucked Cody the way he liked every time he got turned on, I’d probably die from exhaustion.

Cody’s skin is pretty pale, and I like the way it contrasts with the silky black lace of his top. My fingers drag up the side of his legs and lift it so I can see what’s beneath it, and oh god, those little lace undies are probably the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. I look up at him and he’s biting his lip. “These – “ I say, running my fingers across the elastic around his legs, dragging them across the end of the material just below his ass as I speak, “ – Are fucking hot, Cody.” I don’t want to take them off, yet, because I want to see what they look like when he’s turned on. I didn’t have to say anything, because he pushes my hands away and strattles my lap. By the way he’s kissing me, I can tell he’s going to be impatient. He grips the back of my head, pulling on my hair while he presses his mouth against mine, but after awhile one hand lets go and he tries to sneak it into his underwear. It doesn’t take me long to notice, because he has to break the kiss to pant a little, and although watching him stroke himself with one hand pushed down his underwear makes me want to rip my jeans off, I know if I let him go it won’t be long before he hits an orgasm. I grab his wrist and push him off of me so he’s standing again, and he gives me this really desperate look. “You honestly though I’d let you get away with that?” I tease, hand on the back of his legs. He sighs a little, before his breathing hitches as I push his top up again. I pulled his wrist away too fast for him to adjust himself, so the tip of his erection is peeking through the waistband of his panties. I bite my lip, because this /definitely/ turns me on. I tug at the bottom of his shirt, and tell him to take it off, which he does, before placing his hands on my shoulders again and pushing his hips towards my face a little, silently asking me to help him out. I give him a malicious grin, running my fingers up the inside of his thighs to teas him. He makes a small noise, but it’s nothing compared to what he lets out when I run my tongue over the boy’s length. I keep it on top of his underwear, stopping at the spot where his tip is exposed, because I don’t think he deserves tongue-to-flesh-contact yet. I put a hand between his legs, running my fingertips over the bulge of his sac, and by the way he’s tipping his head bag and trying not to moan, I guess the friction must feel nice. His thighs start to quiver a little bit, and I can tell he’s being really patient with me, so I reward him by pressing and open-mouthed kiss to the head of his member. He moans, grasping the material of my shirt.
“F-Fuck, Ri… please…” He says, words mixing in with needed breaths. I pity him, because I know how his body reacts to next to nothing, and hook my fingers in the sides of those lace black undies to pull them down his legs. The drop to the floor, and Cody’s ready to burst by the looks of it. I lick a bit of precum off of his tip before gripping the base of his length to prevent him from an orgasm. I have to do this a lot, because like I said, it really doesn’t take much. I don’t normally give him oral, but I figure he earned it, so I slid the top of his length into his mouth. Before I have a chance to do anything, he bucks his hips and gags me, and I push him away, giving him a dirty look. He looks down at me with wide eyes and flushed cheeks, touching the side of my face. “Sorry babe, I… it was an instinct. It felt really good.” He explained, words touched. He goes to grab himself but I stop him and he frowns, looking at me expectantly. “… Please?”
I can’t deny Cody when he looks so pretty, so I grip his base again and place my other hand on his hip to make sure he doesn’t try and choke me again as I slide his length into my mouth. I’m probably not good at this because I don’t do it often, but he seems to like what I do. I feel bad if our neighbors are awake, because the black-haired boy is rather vocal as I slid him in and out of my mouth, while stroking every inch of shaven, silky skin in the surrounding area. I don’t have to do it for long before I can tell he’s ready to cum, so I pull him down onto the bed and tell him ‘no touching’ while I strip off my own clothes. He squeezes his thighs together and bites his lips as he watches me, and yeah, his eyes tend to linger on my erection long enough to make somebody uncomfortable. I decide to tease him some more, so when I trail kisses down his body I pay special attention to the inside of his thighs, because I know he likes that. He’s whimpering, and trying to buck his hips, but I hold him down as I run my tongue against the area where the inside of his thigh ends and there’s a small amount of space between that and his erection.
“Fuuuck, Right there, Ri.” He moans, so I bite down and suck a bit, and he clenches his thighs together. I have to pin them open so I don’t hurt him, and by the time I leave a nice bruise there he’s literally begging me. I move my mouth back up to his, and press a kiss to his lips, but Cody being Cody, decides to rub his hips up against mine, and I end up moaning into his mouth. I pull back to hiss out of pleasure, so he wraps his arms around me and keeps doing that. I can’t deny it feels nice, so I let him do it for awhile, the friction getting me rather needy. He whines when I push his hips down and hold him there though.
I spread his legs and align myself, before pushing right in without preparing him. He doesn’t mind at all, back arching and crying out some obscenity. I like to see if I can make him cum without stroking him, so I pin his wrists above his head and thrust. I definitely can. He hits his orgasm way before I do, but the way his hips swivel and he clenches down around me doesn’t make it hard to join him. I buck my hips as fast as I can, slamming into him while he pulsates, and then I’m there. I cum really, really hard. Probably harder than I have in awhile, and he smiles at me afterwards, because it makes him feel accomplished. I roll off of him and lay on my back, and he props his head up on a pillow while he traces one of my nipples half-minded.
I never thought I’d be attracted to guys, and I’d never label myself as gay. But when I fuck Cody, nothing else in the world matters, and when I turn my head to the side and see his pretty – yes, pretty – little face looking at me, I’m not confused about my sexuality. I love my boyfriend, or girlfriend, or whoever this person is, and I love to touch him and see him shudder. I don’t really care what that makes me.