I Woke Up With A Fat Chick

I woke up and couldn’t believe my eyes,
When I caught sight of those monster thighs,
Was that a cow that was sucking my dick?
No, I woke up with a very fat chick.

The sight of her got me thinking,
I really should give up drinking,
As if I needed a reason why,
I should also stop getting high.

Looking at this gruesome sight,
I tried to recall what I did last night,
How did I possibly wind up with her?
But my mind was simply in a blur.

Could I have picked her up in a bar?
How did she possibly fit in my car?
I was no longer in the mood,
As I thought of ways to protect my food.

I thought about the weight limit of my bed,
If she rolls over, I’ll be dead,
I tried to think of a good excuse,
For me to turn this cow loose.

Not trying to sound really mean,
But she was the biggest I have seen,
If she had an appetite,
No telling what she would bite.

A girl so big she had her own zip code,
Now here she was in my abode,
No way could I have fun,
With a girl who outweighed me three to one.

Just a warning from me to you,
Be careful what you go and do,
Because if you think you’re seeing double,
You just might be in really big trouble.

04-14-10.