I’m Sorry

The attempt to get the usher’s attention went unnoticed as he quickly collected the discarded church programs and fans left strewn about in the pews. Dan noted Kris’ bright blue afro and the small dark blue beads of sweat beginning to form on the back of his neck. The tight yet form-fitting suit he wore looked to be fighting back as he tried to hustle to get to the next row of benches to tidy up.

Dan wore a desperate look as he tried to will himself to call the usher’s name again. The fact that he would even look this guy’s way felt awkward since they had been declared rivals so many years ago. Kris always managed to outshine him when they were both in the youth ministry. He stood there and thought about the times he had talked about him, spread rumors and even betrayed Kris when “it” happened.

You’re probably wondering what “it” is. Well, before “it” happened, they were undercover friends. In person they would never talk but they would always send text messages back and forth. Everything was golden up until Kris’ 8th grade year (and Dan’s freshman year of high school).

Dan sent Kris a nude picture of himself, begging to be blown. Kris happily obliged and they arranged to meet up after bible study one idle Wednesday night. Long story shortened down, Dan freaked out and beat the breaks off of Kris. The beating, along with the internal battle of trying to figure out what he was, were two of the main things that drove him to begin cutting himself. But that’s a different story for another day.

Being the kind of person Kris is, he cut Dan off permanently. It was the last time they interacted directly and the beginning of a rivalry that would endure through their high school years and almost into college before it just fizzled out.

Back to today though. Kris’ mind was on autopilot as he made his rounds trying to collect all of the programs and fans along with any trash. The only thing that was on his mind was trying to get home and get in the bed. It was a long service and his legs were killing him.

“Kris,” Dan called again, taking a step forward behind him.

Kris paused what he was doing and looked around, looking slightly confused. He turned around and nearly ran into Dan. Dan took a step back while nervously playing with his dreads.

“Can we, uhm, talk,” Dan asked Kris, still trying to decide if this was what he really wanted to do.

Kris arched his eyebrow out of suspicion. He wracked his mind for a few moments trying to figure out what the hell Dan wanted but he couldn’t come up with anything.

“About what,” Kris flatly replied as he tucked a stack of crumpled programs under his arm and began to organize a handful of fans.

“I don’t know. I just feel like I need to talk to you. I honestly have no idea what compelled me to talk to you.”

There was a moment of silence between them as Kris eyed Dan’s face, trying to read him. He wasn’t sure if there was a punch line waiting or a trap waiting to be caught in.

“I don’t have anything to say, other than to make up your damn mind, this church is hot and everyone’s almost gone. I intend to be one of them,” Kris said about as calmly as he possibly could. He didn’t want to let the annoyance in his voice be detected.

“Look, we’re two grown men right? Didn’t you turn 21 just a few months ago,” Dan asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his new grey blazer that his girlfriend’s parents bought him.

“Yeah, but what’s that got to do with the price of rice in China,” Kris quickly quipped as he set the fans on the bench and pulled his gloves off.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Another moment of silence settled in. Kris’ mind couldn’t fathom why Dan, out of all of the people in the world, would be apologizing now, seven years later.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I said I’m sorry. For everything. I should have been a better friend, I should have been there when you needed someone to talk to, I just…” Dan began to trail off.

“Boy please, I forgave you a long time ago. The apology isn’t really needed. Now, shouldn’t you be running off to that girl of yours out in the parking lot,” Kris coldly said as he crossed his arms.

Dan wiped the tear from his cheek and looked around. They were the last ones in the sanctuary. It was now or never. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He leaned forward and felt his lips brush with another set of equally soft lips.

He opened his eyes to find Kris standing there – eyes glazed over and slackjawed.

“Uh what,” was all Kris could say.

Dan weakly smiled at Kris. He reached out, grabbed Kris by his collar and brought him in. Their lips met again with electrifying force. Kris resisted for a few seconds before letting his mouth open to accept Dan’s invite to explore. Their tongues danced around each other and occasionally you could hear Kris’ tongue ring click against Dan’s teeth.

After a few minutes, Dan broke the kiss, breathless and sweating. Kris looked into Dan’s brown eyes and for the first time noticed they had small flecks of gold in them. They were hypnotizing. They stood there, breathing hard. It seemed like an eternity before one of them made a move.

Dan released Kris’ collar and smoothed it out.

“I hope that was everything you hoped for, because it was for me,” Dan said as he wiped the sweat from his forehead, “I shouldn’t have led you on like that way back then and I promise I won’t lead you on again now.”

Kris nodded and picked up the stack of fans. It seemed like the family pictured on the first one was smiling wider than they were 20 minutes ago.

“I appreciate it. You should get going.”

“Likewise.”

With that, Dan turned around and promptly left the sanctuary. Kris looked up at the large cross hanging over the choir stand and ran his hand through his hair, still trying to get a grip on whatever just happened. He shook his head and finished cleaning the sanctuary.

As soon as he got home, he shucked his shoes off and sat down in his kitchen to crack open a beer. His phone vibrated. He opened up the text message. He didn’t recognize the number but he knew exactly who it was.

“We’re cool, right?”

Kris quickly tapped out a response and set the phone on the table.

“Absolutely.”