Little Steps
Introduction:
My journey from innocent to what i am now.
My first encounter with the sexual world was when I turned four years old. I don’t remember much from when I was that young, but I do remember that for some reason, I was terrified of turning four. I loved being three, and I guess I was afraid that four year old me was going to replace three year old me and take all my friends and toys. That’s the mind of a four year old for you…
Anyway, it was my fourth birthday, and I was in my parents bedroom since they had the biggest TV in the house, and I found a plastic tub under the bed. Being a naturally curious little girl, I began testing the contents in the only way that really made sense. By trying to eat them. I will never forget my mother’s face when she came in and found me sucking on her sex toys.
Nothing else about my youngest years really stands out, and I didn’t realize until seventh grade exactly what I had been doing. I still haven’t told my friends why I almost died laughing when a pop up ad for a sex toy I thought looked familiar appeared.
The next really clear memory I have is from kindergarten. Honestly, I think my tunnel vision was at its worst that year. I couldn’t have recognized more than the five classmates I sat with, and had no idea if a kid was a year older or younger than me. I met a boy on the playground and I immediately idolized him. He was a cool loner, never ran away from a fight, always had one or two close friends near by. He was like my prince charming.
I had no idea he was two years older than me until my birthday, when I tried to invite him to my party and he wasn’t on my page of the year book. I had no idea what his name was, so I needed the picture to identify him, and with my tunnel vision, I had no idea he wasn’t in my class.
Well, he apparently liked me pretty well too. I was the only girl who hung around the cool second grade kid, and he started spending more time with me than his guy friends. I thought I had a boyfriend, even though I really didn’t know what that meant at the time.
Apparently, second grade is when guys start getting curious about their bodies and about girls in general. He told me that he and one of his friends had been looking through the encyclopedia for every semi dirty word they had ever heard, trying to figure out what on earth happened during sex. I had no idea what sex even was, but he said I could help, so I was thrilled.
I guess I should give you a little background about me before I go any further. My name is Katrina. My parents had me pretty young, when my dad was nineteen and my mom was seventeen. They actually managed to make it through the end of high school and college, even with me, and later, my little brother. My mom is a physical therapist, and my dad is a consulting engineer, so we have a pretty nice house, and I am about to graduate from college with no debt.
I’m twenty two right now, a senior in college. I’m 5’10” tall, I weigh 115 lbs, which is more than I did in high school, even though I still look anorexic. My metabolism has always been through the roof, and I never stop moving. I used to run and play soccer in high school, but I chilled out a bit in college, and put on about five pounds. I have pale blonde hair, and ridiculously pale skin. Both of my parents are of Irish descent, and my mom even has red hair, but apparently that skipped my over and went to my brother. I did, however, get the freckles, which only show up if I blush or get sun burnt. I have not yet found exactly where the freckles end, but the less I wear out by the pool, the more freckles I find.
I have a pretty flat chest, and I wear a 32 A bra. It’s pretty sad, really. I also have basically no butt. I wear my hair in a ponytail usually, although if I am feeling fancy, I braid it, and for a little while I kept it short. I dyed it pink at the start of college to try out the punk rock look, but I decided the clothes suited me more than the hair. Honestly, I was just too lazy to keep it dyed all the time. I got my belly button pierced on a dare, but I don’t have my ear rings pierced. I’m terrified on needles, and I thought I would let my belly button close up until I found out the jewelry doesn’t really have a needle, just a curved screw.
When I was young, my parents sent me to a private catholic school for ten years. Preschool through eighth grade. My little brother, three years younger than me, shared my room until he was nine and I was twelve, but we would still sleep in each others rooms a lot. We were very close, and as far as we were concerned, it just meant we had twice the room to play in. I went to another private christian school for high school. I loved both schools, but the biggest problem was sexual education. We were all pretty sheltered from the idea of sex, and had I not met my idol, I would have probably stayed pretty clueless for a lot of years to come.
So, back to my story. My hero had invited me to join his quest for knowledge, and I was his willing minion. One day, he asked me if I would come to the bathroom with him and show him how everything worked. Of course, I agreed immediately. I sat on this sink and spread my legs, and he looked, touched, and asked me questions about where exactly the pee came out, and what the other bits were for. Mostly, I just had to shrug and say I didn’t know, which was the truth. At least partly. The other part was, it felt really weird and really good when he touched me, and I didn’t want him to stop.
I spent the next few weeks hoping he would ask me to go to the bathroom with him again, but he seemed to have gotten what he wanted. He and his friends kept up their search, and I started feeling a bit forgotten. That’s when I first discovered masturbation. My first year of touching myself, I don’t think I ever reached orgasm, or even really knew what I was doing. I had a vague idea that I shouldn’t get caught doing it, but nothing more.
I spent less and less time with my hero, and then suddenly, a new guy moved in across the street from me. I was in first grade now, I big grown up seven year old, and he was probably thirteen at the time. I would go over to his house while his mother was gone and we’d watch digimon on his huge TV. We usually laid in his bed to watch, but sometimes we would wrestle or tickle or pretend to be digimon and digi-destined after each episode.
One day I came over, and the TV was off, and my friend was sitting on his bed with a thick magazine. It was the first time I had ever seen porn, and it was incredible. I suddenly felt like I understood my old idol’s fascination with sex was all about. We looked through the magazine together, and then things went the way you would probably expect.
We turned on the tv and watched digimon like usual.
It became our new routine. We’d look at the latest porn he pilfered from his mom’s collection, then we’d watch cartoons. It wasn’t for several weeks that something more happened. We were tickling, rolling around on the carpet, struggling for control (which he easily had) and his hand went down my pants. Suddenly, instead of giggling, I was sighing and moaning happily.
He stopped, but didn’t take his hand back, and asked if I wanted to try out some of what we saw in the magazines. I said yes, and we started flipping through them until we found a picture of a man and a woman giving each other a hand job.
We sat side by side, took off our pants, and he taught me how to masturbate properly. For my seven year old body, that was a new and exciting height of pleasure I had never imagined. I had my first orgasm with him. Two years later, he moved away. He had gotten into some kind of trouble, and I never saw him again. But now I was nine, and I knew so much more than before!
The next two year, I did my own investigation. I learned, bit by bit, that sex was something most people did, but no one really talked about, especially around children and christian schools. I started spending more time with my old idol again, who by this time had set aside his search for knowledge, much to my irritation. He knew enough to be satisfied, and his hormones hadn’t started calling for him to think about sex every few seconds. We became pretty close friends, and I even spent a lot of time at his house. I got to know his dad, and I was introduced to the wonder that is Nintendo.
When I turned eleven, my mother started me on birth control. I’m not sure if that caused me to start my period early, or if I was always going to start then, but I do know I was the first girl in my class to start, and everyone thought it was because I spent so much time with my idol.
That was also the year of Catholic school “sex ed”. Mostly, they told us all the slang people use to talk about it, told us to wait till marriage, told us to ask our parents, and told us not to talk about it any more. They did give the girls a brief run down on how we get pregnant, and I imagine the guys got a similar talk about getting girls pregnant, but I never asked.
From the time I started my period, it was like I was a magnet for the guys in the two classes above me. I don’t know if I was releasing some kind of pheromone or what, but my idol was finally showing some interest, and even getting jealous of other guys.
We were at his house one day, his dad and my parents were out at dinner, leaving us to entertain ourselves, when he finally took the plunge and asked me to be his girlfriend. I remember teasing him, telling him that I would go out with him if he were a good kisser. We went to his room and locked the door, and he pinned me to the bed and started kissing me.
I had never kissed before, but I knew from the moment he put his lips on me, this wasn’t exactly how a first kiss was supposed to be. His tongue was in my mouth in no time, and it felt like a dream as our clothes started coming off. It was when I saw his erection for the first time that I started wanting to put on the brakes, but he wasn’t having any of it.
It hurt. It hurt a lot. I cried, but afterward I told him I loved him, and he held me and kissed me more. I guess technically he raped me, but I didn’t fight very hard. I don’t know if I am stupid for not being mad at him, or if I really had wanted it. We snuggled in his bed for a few hours, and when the pain had faded enough, I asked him to try it again.
It still hurt, and I almost asked him to stop as soon as he pushed into me again, but I really wanted to impress him, so I held back the tears, and tried to be as sexy as the girls I had seen in porn. He looked a ton smaller than all the guys in the magazines, but he felt like he was splitting me in half. I got on my hands and knees and let him take me doggy style, and that’s when I started enjoying it. The pain was still there, but now his sack was slapping against my clit, and I came almost immediately. We spent the next year having sex about twice a month.
When I was twelve, my idol went off to high school, and I never heard from him again. Apparently he and his dad had moved, and he hadn’t told me. I was so mad and so heartbroken, I got revenge in the only way I knew how. I found a high school student at the park and fucked him. I didn’t even know his name, just that he was older than my idol, and he ended up being way better in bed.
That was the year I stopped sharing a room with my brother. The only times I really shut him out were when I was changing, or when I had a guy over. I found that as much as I loved sex, my favorite part was having them cum in my mouth. It felt nice having that warm splurt in my pussy, but I honestly love how every guy tasted a little different, and I was a little afraid I would over work my birth control.
Over the next two years, I had sex with about a dozen different guys. Some only once, and some nearly every day for a month. I started doing anal the first time I had a persistent boyfriend and I was on my period. It hurt so bad I swore it would never happen again, until I found out you are supposed to use lube.
My freshman year of high school, gym class taught me that I was bisexual. I was usually the last one out of the shower, cause I waited and had a tiny bit of fun before getting out, but one day another girl waited till we were the last two. She told me she was a lesbian and she thought I was beautiful. She asked me out on a date.
I remembered my idol, and grinned at her and told her that I would if she were a good kisser. I can pretty confidently say, girls are better kissers than boys, hands down. We made out until we heard foot steps coming to check on us. We met up after school and went back to my house. My parents were thrilled I finally had a good female friend. I don’t think they suspected that after the parade of guys I would be interested in women.
She was amazing. She was better with her tongue and her hands than any guy I had ever been with. I loved every second I was with her, and we started officially dating the next day. We were together for over two years, and my reputation as a slut faded away, since I hadn’t banged a guy since I started high school. At least not until the beginning of my junior year.
My girlfriend was busy and wasn’t able to come to one of my soccer games, so I was feeling a bit down. One of the assistant coaches, volunteering while he was on break from college, started hitting on me. We hit it off, and an hour after the game, he had me pressed up against the back of the utility shed and our pants around our ankles. I kind of wish I had just kept it a secret, but I wanted to be honest with my first real commited relationship, so I told my girlfriend that night. She walked out on me without even saying goodbye.
She was a lot nicer about it than I deserved, really. She never gossiped about me, and we even ended up being something close to friend again, but I know I really hurt her. She stopped keeping in touch when we graduated from high school.
So there I was, a junior, seventeen, and I had just been dumped for the first time, by my first girlfriend. I was as heartbroken as when my idol had moved without a word. I spent a lot of time alone in my room, naked and curled around my pillow so I could smell her and pretend she was still there. My brother was really worried about me, and he started playing video games in my room with me, letting me cry, and talking to me without expecting a response.
A few weeks of that did wonders for me, and soon I was playing right along side him. We started hanging out at school again, and we mixed our friend groups a bit. Mostly, his friends started dating my friends, which just left us feeling awkward.
I really should have known better than to walk in to a fourteen year old boy’s room without knocking, just after he went to bed, but I was so used to just coming and going as I pleased that I didn’t think. I caught him right in the middle of stroking himself, and instead of turning around and leaving, I freaked out and ran into the room before closing the door.
I stood there awkwardly while he just gaped at me, hand still wrapped around his dick. Finally, I sighed and shrugged and told him not to worry about it, I do it too. Of course, being my twerpy little brother, he made a joke about me jacking him off, and being the cool older sister that I am, I had to call his bluff.
I guess we just forgot that we were siblings for a while. I gave him a hand job, then a blow job, and then we fucked. Apparently I was his first, but even though he was average sized and lasted an average amount of time, I think I loved having sex with him more than any other guy I had been with. It was completely different, because we really knew and loved each other. There was no degree of separation like there had been with all my previous boyfriends. We gave ourselves to each other without holding anything back.
After a brief freak our the next morning, we decided neither of us wanted it to be a one time thing. A few nights a week, he would come over to my room, or I would come over to his, and we’d spend the night making love that left us breathless and deliriously happy.
Then he got a girlfriend. I guess I knew it would happen eventually. He was a handsome and sweet guy, and I had introduced him to all my friends. It still felt like a serious betrayal. We argued about it until after midnight, then like a switch had been flipped, we were in bed. He hadn’t even kissed his girlfriend yet, and he was already cheating on her with me.
After that, I always felt like I had won. I was still a bit jealous, but I was spending most of my time away in college now and kept myself busy with other guys. I discovered that if you really want to get laid, just go to a frat party and pretend you’re drunk. I think I had more guys in the first three weeks than I had before in my life, and that felt like a pretty big accomplishment.
I found two guys who were okay with an open relationship, and I started meeting guys and girls through them. It was pretty fun, but eventually I needed to start focusing on my classwork and it was usually just once a week at most that I would go out with the two of them. Usually, they would pick up another girl and they would each take turns with me and the other girl, but sometimes they would just take turns with me.
My brother and I kept up our affair and managed to keep it a secret until the beginning of his senior year of high school. I was home on break and we were so excited to see each other that we locked ourselves in his room while our dad was home. He had barely gotten inside of me when we found out exactly how unlocked the door actually was.
I had never been terrified of my dad before. I expected him to yell or even hit us, but instead he just put a hand over his face and leaned against the door frame. He asked us to explain what was going on, and we told him in bits and pieces how it had happened. He walked out of the room, leaving the door wide open, and went straight to the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of wine and three glasses and came back to my brother’s room. We drank together, and he explained to us that he didn’t care, and he’d keep it a secret on the condition that I spend some time with him too.
I was beyond shocked, and I told him I wanted some time to think about it. Instead, he unzipped his pants and told us both to have another drink. After a few drinks, my brother and I started fooling around again, and didn’t care that he was watching. Our dad jerked off a bit while my brother fucked me, then he climbed into bed with us.
It should have been a really traumatizing experience, but I barely remember what happened once we all three started going at it. The wine probably didn’t help.
The next day my brother was at school, and my dad came to me sober. He apologized and said he wouldn’t say a word, but I told him it was alright. While we fucked, I told him about some of my sexual experiences in college and he told me that he shares my mom with some of his friends. He says he knows I am his daughter, but there is a chance my brother isn’t, since he started sharing her the year after I was born.
He told me that he and mom had actually met and hit it off over shared fantasies of some of the more taboo sexual kinks, like incest. He never let her have sex with a dog because he was afraid she would catch some sort of disease, and they never did anything with any underage children because they didn’t want to go to prison for the rest of their lives, but he said that once I had started high school, they started dressing up and roll playing as me and my brother.
He asked me if I thought my brother would like to fuck our mother, and I told him I didn’t know, but that I would ask him. I finished my dad in my mouth, and he told me that he wished we had started this years ago when my mouth would have barely fit.
When my brother came home, I had a long talk with him, and we came up with a plan of action. We both stripped down and got in our parents bed and waited for them to come in. When they stumbled in in the dark, they didn’t even look before they sat on the edge of the bed and started peeling off clothes. My dad reached over to the night stand and flipped on the dim night light, and my mother almost screamed when she saw us.
It took us, and by us I mean my dad, half an hour to calm her down and talk her into trying it. Watching my mom ride my brother while my dad fucked her in the ass was one of the hottest things I have ever seen.
It was a pretty amazing night, and the next day we made our rules. Dad would let my two boyfriends and my brother play with my mom and I, and he would continue letting his friends play with my mother, but not with me. I was a bit disappointed, but I really couldn’t complain. He wanted to keep the incest a secret as much as he could. My brother promised to share his girlfriends with me and dad, and Mom said she would see about some of her friends. Just so you know, my brother and mother have still yet to bring anyone in.
My boyfriends love my mother, and my dad’s friends definitely want to fuck me, but they are afraid to say it. Mom still doesn’t use birth control, and I still do. I’m sure she is going to get pregnant again any time now, and I can’t help but wonder if my new little brother or sister will join in the family hobby.
Now, mom and I just need to talk dad into getting us a dog…
