Love and Loss 3

I was woken the next morning by the sunlight, streaming in from my open window, my face still red from crying all night. I woke still cradled in Darren’s arm’s, both of us still on the floor against the wall, him fast asleep as I just lay there, rested against his chest, comforted by his slow and steady heartbeat. The night had been long and hard, but Darren stuck by me the entire time, comforting me and helping me to get through it, I laid there in Darren’s arm’s for another hour, not daring to move in case I woke him, but I decided it was time to get up and fix myself up, I went to get up and go to the bathroom when I was startled by Darren grabbing my hand, I turned back and he pulled me in as he pulled himself up, we embraced in a long hug as I rested my head on his shoulder, “I love you Ben” He told me as he squeezed a little tighter.
“I love you too Darren” I told him as a tear began to roll down my face.
“Don’t you forget that” He told me as he began to let go.
“I won’t, I promise” I told him as I stood there.
“Good, I’ll alway’s be here for you Ben, I love you man” He told me as I went over to grab clothes to go take a shower.

When I got out of the shower I headed to my room, and there was a not stuck to the door, “Sorry mate, got called into work while you were in the shower, I’ll be home around four though, okay … Darren”, I looked over at the clock, it was already really late, one o’clock, Darren and I must have slept in late, I thought. I moved over towards the kitchen, to have a see of what I might make for breakfast, when I heard a soft knocking at the door, intrigued, I went to answer it, not bothering to check the peep hole I just opened it, I stood there, frozen, not being able to move a muscle, it was Zac, standing there, looking at the ground with a single rose in his hand, “I’m sorry” He simply said, as I stood there in shock.
“Wh-wh- what are you doing here Zac, I thought you were staying with friends?” I asked him, still frozen in shock.
“I’m sorry, I love you, I realized I never want to be away from you ever again” He said as he handed me the rose, knowing I always loved the sweet smell of a rose. He moved in for a kiss, but I pushed him back, but he tried again, and again, all the while me saying no, but soon enough I just couldn’t resist him anymore, I was madly in love with him, and I knew I didn’t want anyone else, I just couldn’t fight the emotional hold he had on me anymore, I had to give into him.

Zac slowly walked in as he continued kissing me, I knew I shouldn’t, but I just couldn’t fight it, the hold he had was to great and my lust for him increased as he kissed me, he took my hand and lead me to our bedroom, the place where this mess all began, “No, not in there” I told him, as I lead him to the couch.
“Oh, okay, but what if Darren come’s home” He asked as he smirked at me, knowing I couldn’t resist him, and he could get me to do anything.
“He won’t be home till four, gives us about three hours” I told him as I gently pushed him on the couch and began to take off his shirt, I had never wanted his gorgeous body more in my entire life, I took off his shirt and then my own, I kissed all over his neck, from ear to ear, as he threw his head back and moaned, “God I’ve missed your touch” He moaned to me.
I continued kissing his neck, then began kissing down his body, until I got to his pants, I undid his belt and began to undo his jean’s, I slid them down just I bit, only to be surprised by his huge hard on spring out at me, he hadn’t been wearing underwear, I never wanted his cock more, it had seemed like an eternity since I last touched it, when in fact it hadn’t been that long, I took it roughly in my hand, wanting every bit of it near me, I moved down and licked the head of his cock, and then licked my way straight to his base, I licked the underside of his balls before putting them both in my mouth and sucking them hard, wanting them deep in my mouth, I slowly slipped my tongue back up his cock before forcing my mouth all the way down on his cock, taking it all in, forcing myself to gag heavily, I moved back up and off his cock, I quickly ripped of his pants and threw them to the other side of the room, I moved on top of him and slowly guided my ass onto the top of his cock, the slightest press causing great amounts of pleasure for me, my lust for him grew and grew, I wanted him deep inside me, I couldn’t take it anymore, I slammed my ass straight down onto the base of his cock, as I screamed in pleasure, Zac throwing his hands behind his head, I grabbed his waist and began to throw myself up and down on him, begging for more and more of his cock inside me, I screamed louder and louder for him, as he moaned and groaned for more of me on him, Zac grabbed a hold of my cock and began to jack it as I thrusted onto him, the stimulation of both my ass and cock sending pleasurable vibes all over my body, making me scream louder and more intensely, “Fuck Ben, I can’t handle it anymore, fuck, I’m going to cum” He screamed to me, I wanted it in me, more then ever, I brought myself up and the slammed back onto him, then again and again, with one last slam it did it, I began to feel him unload in me as he screamed as well, I felt rope after rope of his sweet, warm cum climb higher and higher up my ass, and that did it for me, Zac bent down and took my cock in his mouth and I began to unload in his mouth, seven shots of cum hitting the back of his throat and then trickling all the way down, I collapsed onto him, attempting to catch my breath, my hands wrapped around chest, as we layed there, me not wanting to leave to comfort of his warm body.

I laid there on top of Zac for about half an hour, contemplating what we had just done, whether or not it was a good or bad idea, I just didn’t know, was this a huge mistake or not, should I be with him or not, all these unanswered questions roaming my mind. Zac and I laid there for another hour, not saying a word to each other, he was just lightly playing with my hair, entwining it in his fingers, Zac and I were snapped out of our trans when we heard a key unlocking the door, our heads twisting straight towards it, “Ben, I’m home” Darren called out as he entered the house, “Oh god … I’m so sorry” He apologized as Zac and I jumped up and ran to our room, we put on some new clothes and went back out to the living room, “So, I take it that you guys sorted everything else” He prodded.
“I don’t know … Maybe!” I told him as I looked over to Zac.
“Well I’d like to sort it out” Zac told me, as he looked at his feet.
“Urmmm, I’ll just leave you guys to it, okay” Darren told us as he headed for his room.

“So what are we going to do about this Zac ?” I asked him, trying to fight my tears.
“I want to sort it out, or just forget the whole thing, that would be better, because … I love you Ben, don’t you still love me ?” He asked as he took a seat.
“Yes, of course I still love you, at least I think I do, I don’t know, maybe” I told him as that one tear ran down my face, “How about we just take a break … I’m not saying I want to break up, just a break” I suggested.
“You mean … You want to see other people” He asked, hoping for an answer that would not make him burst into tears.
“I don’t maybe, let’s just see how it goes then, and if we meet other people, I’m fine with that, but if we do still truly love each other, then we will be together again, I promise” I told him, not really sure about my idea.
“Okay” Zac told me as he began to tear, trying to fight it though, “I just want you to know that I love you, but … I’m sure you will make the right decision, whatever it shall be” Zac told me as he got up and kissed me on the cheek, then left. I went to my room after that, and decided to go to sleep, hoping that I could wake up and everything would be okay.

It was about nine at night when I woke up to the sound of the fire alarm, oh shit, I thought as I quickly jumped out of bed and into that lounge room, “Darren” I yelled, hoping he was okay, I turned toward the kitchen to find Darren fanning the smoke alarm, and what looked to be dinner, he finally got the smoke alarm to stop and then just collapsed onto the chair, “I’m sorry Ben, you’ve been having a real tough time lately, and I just wanted to do something to make you feel better” Darren exclaimed to me.
“Awwww, Darren, you didn’t have to do that, I’m fine, really” I told him.
“Yeah, but I just wanted to do something for you, just to let you know I’m here for you” He told me as he looked toward the ground.
“Aww, man … You just being with me is enough to let me know that your here for me” I said as I laughed softly, “Seeing as dinner is destroyed now, want to just order something in ?” I asked him.
“Sure, sound’s great” He told me. Darren and I got out some old junk mail to have a look at what we wanted, we finally decided and ordered some Chinese food, as we waited for our food, Darren started up a conversation that I hoped he never would, “So, what happened between you and Zac, what’s going on with that ?” He asked, looking real concerned.
“I really don’t know, I think I still love him, but we decided to go on a little break” I told him, a little tear rolling down my face, my eyes still a bit red and puffy from crying before.
“Oh, I’m sorry Ben, it was stupid of me to bring it up” He tried to calm me down.
“No, no, no, I’m glad you did, it just shows me that you really care about me, and I love that about you” I told him, reassuring him that I’m okay.
“Well, I do really care about you, and I’m glad you know it” He told me, as my teared face turned into a slight smile. The doorbell rang and my head flung towards it, I told Darren I’d get it as I moved towards the door, it was our dinner, delivered by a very handsome young man, about twenty-two I’d guess, “Hey, that’ll be twenty-four eighty” He told me, I grabbed my wallet and wiped my face clean at the same time, “Are you okay ?” The man asked.
“Oh, sure … Just relationship stuff, you know” I told him as I handed him the money.
“Yeah, chick’s huh, can’t live with them, can’t live without them, right ?” He told me, as I just smiled a bit.
“Well, not exactly … Boyfriend” I told him as I sort of laughed a bit .
“Oh, urmmm, yeah … Well thanks’” He told me as he rushed away. I shut the door and brought in dinner.
“What was that about, was there a thing there ?” Darren asked.
“No, don’t be stupid, I don’t even no him, besides, he looked kind of shocked when I said boyfriend, so yeah” I sort of snapped at him.
“Well okay, let’s just eat” He smiled to me. We ate dinner as we continued talking about the whole situation, and what was going to happen with us, we spoke long into the night, until it was about two, “Darren, I’m still kind of tired, I might go to bed” I told him.
“Mmm, yeah, me too, I’m pretty stuffed as well” He told me as we both headed off to bed.

I woke gently the next morning, yet didn’t move, not knowing what to do today, if it was even worthwhile to get out of bed, but I did, I finally got up, and saw Darren just as he was leaving for work, “Oh, hey mate, just leaving for work, I’ll see you tonight, okay”.
“Okay, bye Darren” I said as he closed the door behind him. I went and sat on the couch, just sitting there for a while, not knowing what to do with myself now.

This empty phase continued on for a week, but felt like an eternity, my days were so dull and bare, there was nothing to do. I hadn’t received a phone call, or even a text from Zac, which was weird, cause I thought he would, even though I told him not to, I still thought he would of at least tried.

“Alright … That’s it, get up … Get out of bed” Darren shouted to me as he opened the curtain, reveling the blind full sun streaming in, “You’ve been like this all week Ben, and I’ve had enough, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get out of bed”.
“Go away Darren, I’m too tired” I shouted at him, pulling the cover’s over my face.
“Ben … I don’t care what you do today, but you are not staying in bed all day, now .. I have to go to work, and if I come home, and your still here, I’m going … ” He stopped before he said anything else, I pulled the covers off my face and and saw the door as it shut, Darren had left. I knew he was right, but I didn’t know what to do, what could I do today, I have nothing to do, I still don’t feel up to going to work, but I thought that I really should do something today, I thought of some possibilities that I could do, but never got to anything, I sat there thinking more and more, until I realised that it was lunch time, “Ooo, lunch time, great, I’ll go get something” I said aloud as if someone was there.

I got up, and got dressed, nice clothinkingand a nicely shaven face, I got in my chadand sat, deciding what to have for lunch, I finially decided that I’ll go and go get some chinese from the same resturant that Darren and I had ordered from the other night. I spent the drive there thinking, thinking about everything that had happened, I got to the resturant and immediately stopped thinking and walked in, trying to leave all my problems behind, not wanting to tear over the situation.

I found an empty booth and sat, waiting for a waiter or someone to help me, finally someone came up and to my surprise it was the same young, handsome man that had delivered our dinner a few nights ago, “Hey, what can I get you” He said in a low toned voice.
“Hi … You don’t remember me do you ?” I replied as I began to smile at him.
“Ohhh, urmm, yeah … Your the guy I delivered the food to a few night’s ago, the one with the urmmm, boyfri-, urmm relationship stuff …. Right” He stumbled words.
“Yeah, urmm, yeah, that’s me” I told him.
“How is your urmm, relationship stuff going, did you too sort it out” He asked me.
“Ahh, no .. No we didn’t” I told him as I looked down at the table.
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, are you feeling better now though” He asked concernely.
“A little” I told him, trying to mask my pain. We continued talking more and more and I got to know him better, starting with his name, Maxx, this time talking to him I actually had time to admire his good looks, his short, straight, brown hair, pushed forward, his intense green eyes looking into mine, his smooth, completely shaven face and light pink lips, these making his face look absolutely gorgeous. I stared at his face for what seemed ages, but infact was only a few minutes, my attention being snapped back at by the screams of the manager yelling at Maxx to get back to work, “Oh, yeah, urmm, I have to get back to work, I’m sorry” He apologized, hoping I wasn’t angry.
“No, no, it’s fine, I’m sorry I took you away from work” I told him. He left the table and took my order, as I waited for my lunch I sat their staring at him, his tall stature, nicely shaped, tight ass, moving up to his nicely toned body, before hitting that gorgeous face that made him seem so irresistible, I was snapped out of my trans when Maxx walked over to me with my order in a brown paper bag, I thanked him and slowly walked back out to my car, I checked my bag to see if all my order was included, I reached in and pulled out a small note, which read “Maxx” accompanied by a phone number and a small red heart, I turned back to see him looking at me, giving me a small smirk as he looked down and away, I walked away with a small smile on my face, the only smile I had, had since I was with Zac.

I didn’t know whether I should call him or not, I was sitting in my room carefully trying to decide, but I couldn’t, not now anyway, I put the number in my draw and decided I would decide later. Over the next two day’s I kept thinking it over and over, whether it would be a good idea or not, I sat looking at it, just looking at his writing, his name, “Maxx”, and that small heart that made it that little bit more difficult, I finally couldn’t take it anymore, I wanted to call him, I had to call him, I picked up the phone and dialed, when he answered I smile hit my face, but it slowly disappeared when I realized it was his answering machine, “Hey Maxx, this is urmmm, this is Ben, I urmm wanted to know if you urmmm, wante-” I was cut off.
“Hey Ben, it’s Maxx” He was there, and his voice sounded quite sexy on the phone.
“Oh urmm, yeah, hey …. It’s Ben” I told him, not knowing what else to say.
“Yeah, Ben, I know” He laughed to me.
“Oh yeah, right, so urmm, yeah, I was just wondering if you maybe, wanted to … Feel free to say no, but, wanted to go out some night” I troubled to get out.
“I’d love to … I’m free this Friday, is that good for you ?” He asked.
“Yeah, sure, it is … I’ll pick you up at around 8 … Is there anywhere you wanted to go ?” I asked.
“Surprise me” He chuckled out.
“Okay, urmm, yeah, so Friday at 8” I laughed.
“Sound’s great, it’s a date” He told me, as he followed it with his address and then a goodbye, then hung up. I was really happy about this, but at the same time, really scared, I didn’t know what was going to happen. I went to bed that night with my mind filled with all these senarios of what could happen, I was half happy and half scared, and continued that way until I finially fell asleep.

Friday finally rolled around, and I was really excited, I don’t care what happened, as long as I went out with him, I showered and shaved and put on the nicest clothes I had, but trying not to overdo it, “Whooooo, someone’s dressed up real nice … Where you going mate ?” Darren asked as he stood in my door way.
“Oh urmm, yeah, I didn’t tell you” I told him, still getting ready.
“Tell me what ?” He intriguely asked me.
“Oh, I sort of have a date” I softly told him.
“Oh my god, with who, why didn’t you tell me” He asked as he stood to attention.
“It’s urmm, well, it’s that guy that brought us take out a while back, I sort of bumped into him, and he gave me his number, and were going out tonight” I told him as his jaw hit the ground.
“What ?” The only word he managed to get out.
“You heard me” I told him as I pushed him out of the way as I was leaving now.
“Oh, I see, well have fun tonight then” He winked to me as I shut the door behind me

The drive over there seemed long, but wasn’t, I arrived at his house, it was a large white house, it looked like it cost a lot, I thought he must be rich, but then why is he working at take out restaurant then. I got out of my car and walked to his door, I knocked and he answered, he looked absolutely stunning, wearing nice, long, black pants, a light blue buttoned shirt, and a black sort of over coat.
“Hey, are you ready” I asked him.
“Yeah, let’s go” He said, shutting his door and locking it. We got to my car and I began to drive, I decided that I would take him to this little restaurant I knew of, not to overly flashy, but certainly not shabby. Soon after leaving we leaving we arrived, we got out, walked in and got seated, we were told a waiter should be with us soon, “I’m really happy you called, I was actually waiting for it since I gave you my number” He told me looking down at the table.
“Me too, I’m glad we are here tonight” I told him as the waiter came over, we both orderd, getting similar dishes, we spoke and ate, then drank and ate some desert, the date was going great, but I couldn’t help thinking that something would eventually go wrong, it all ways does for me. We finally decided to leave after another bottle, we got in the car and I slowly started the drive home, I turned my head to look at him, and to my surprise, he was looking right back at me, we both smiled before my eyes were back on the road, when we got back to his house we sat in the car for a little while, “I had a really good time with you tonight Ben” He said as he turned his head toward me.
“Yeah, I did to, it was really great” I said back.
“Maybe we can do it again sometime” He told me as he leaned in and kissed me, half on lips, the other on my cheek. He got out of the car and walked up his drive way, he turned back and waved to me, I waved back and slowly pulled out, and began to drive home, thinking about the night, what I wonderful time I had, and wishing I could do it again, really soon, these thoughts sending millions of smiles across my face as I drove home that beautiful night.

That night, for some reason had changed my whole life, I’m not quite sure why, but is just did, I had a whole new outlook on life, a better look, things were really starting to look up. This night was the best night I had in a very long time, that night I slept so softly, not a tear or an upsetting thought had crossed my mind. The next morning and the following few days there was only one thought on my mind, and that thought was Maxx, I just couldn’t get him out of my head, this was begging to get weird, no guy had ever done this to me, although I was still in love with Zac my feelings for Maxx grew more and more intensely. My high days were begging to dwindle soon enough, Maxx hadn’t called me since we went out, it had been four days now, I was beginning to get scared and worried, had I done something wrong, de did say he had a nice night, so I suppose I didn’t, but then, why wouldn’t he have called then, these were the only thoughts I could think of, nothing else crossed my mind.

Thursday night had come and I was just finishing up work and heading home, I knew Darren would already be there so I couldn’t wait to get home and see him, it felt like ages since we had hung out, just me and him, I got home and walked in, I couldn’t see Darren any where so I went to check his room, and sure enough there he was, sleeping quietly so I thought, “Hey, your back from work” I heard him say as I was closing his door.
“Yeah, just got home, was excited to see you for some reason but you were asleep” I told him, re-opening his door.
“Yeah, I was just a little tired, I’m up now … What’s for dinner ?” He asked still sort of sleepy.
“Oh, you expect me to make you dinner, that’s all I’m good for huh ?” I jokingly said back.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that, you’re just a better cook then me” He tried to make it sound like an apology.
“I’m just kidding, I’ll make you dinner, how do some steaks sound ?” I asked him.
“Sounds delicious … By the way, there’s a message on the machine for you, I was to tired to answer it, I think its from, urmmmm Maxx, yeah, Maxx” He stammered out, and at that moment me heart skipped a beat, I rushed to the phone to hit play, “Hey Ben, it’s Maxx, sorry I haven’t called you in a while I had to go away for a little while, but I’m back now, and was hoping we could go out tomorrow night, call me back if you want to go, I’ll be waiting” That message lit my face up so bright, I became instantly happy, I spent the rest of the night with Darren with a smile on my face, of course I wanted to go out with him tomorrow night, I couldn’t wait, I was really, really excited.

Tomorrow finally came and I woke up happy and excited, nothing could take this feeling away from me, I rang Maxx as soon as I thought he would be up, “Helloooo” I heard him answer, and the way he did told me I had woken him.
“Hey Maxx, its Ben, did I wake you ?”.
“Ben … Hey, how are you, did you get my message” He said, letting me know he was wide awake now.
“I’m good, yeah I got your message, that’s why I’m calling you back … But did I wake you”.
“Oh right, urmm, yeah you did, but its fine, I’m really glad you called me back” He told me.
“Oh, I’m really sorry I woke you, you can go back to sleep if you want” I tried very hard to apologize.
“Don’t be silly, I don’t care if you woke me, I’m just really glad you called” He said making me feel sort of silly.
“Oh, okay, good … Urmm yeah, did you still want to go out with me tonight ?” I tried to get out.
“Of course I do, why wouldn’t I” He laughed. “Where would you like to go” He was still sort of laughing.
“Urmm, I don’t mind, anywhere you wanted, I don’t really care where I go, as long as its with you” I told him, he started to laugh quietly.
“Well, how about I pick you up at 8, and take you somewhere special, but it’s going to be a surprise, okay ?” He said sweetly.
“That sounds really nice, I can’t wait” I told him
“Okay then, well I shall see you tonight Ben” He told me.
“Okay, bye Maxx” And with that, he hung up.

Tonight was going to be great, I had never been this excited for something, I walked out of my room whistling with a huge smile on my face, Darren was outside sitting on the couch, he turned his head towards me and grinned slightly,
“What ?” I asked him.
“Oh, nothing, just, hope you have fun tonight” He said, still grinning.
“How do you know I’m doing something tonight … You were listening on the other phone weren’t you ?” I asked.
“Noo, maybe, okay, yes, but it wasn’t on purpose, I needed to use it and just overheard you” He said, grinning bigger now.
“Well you should have gotten off when you heard I was on” I told him.
“Yeah, I should have, but I just wanted to know what was going on” He told me
“Well, yeah, I am going to have fun, and next time, don’t listen in on my conversations” I said sarcastically.
“Fine then” He said as he turned back to the TV.

I spent the remainder of the day making sure I was perfect, perfect in every way possible, I spent almost two hours in the shower, making sure I was perfect, I then spent an additional two, maybe even three hours deciding on what to wear, I just wanted everything to be perfect for tonight. After I had everything ready, I just went over it again to make sure it was really perfect, it was then just a simple matter of waiting for 8 to roll a round. After another hour, it was time, 8 was here, I went outside the house and waited patiently for him, and soon he was here, he tooted the horn in his car and I walked down to him, I hopped in and we took off together.
“Hey, how are ?” Maxx asked.
“Yeah good, how are you ?” I asked him back.
“I’m good too, I like what you’re wearing” He told me.
“Awwee, thanks” I said “So where are we going ?” I asked him questionly.
“Well, if I tell you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, would it ?” He asked me, already knowing the answer.
“Alright then” I said.
We sat there in the car practically in silence the rest of the way, occasionally making comments or observations about each other.

Finally, after another twenty or so minutes in the car we had arrived, “Where are we ?” I asked.
“I always loved coming here, so I thought I’d bring you, to see if you might like it as well, it’s just a local seafood restaurant, I’ve always loved it because it’s so close to the beach” He told me, as his eyes scanned the beach front.
We began walking towards the door when Maxx took my hand, I turned to him and just smiled, we kept walking, we made our way in and were seated, we ordered our dinner and began talking whilst we waited, “It’s really beautiful down here” I told him as we looked at each other.
“Yeah, I know, that’s why I love it so much” He told me as he looked outside toward the beach again.
“You really love the beach to, don’t you” I asked.
“Yeah, it was always my favorite place to be when I was a kid, and most of my teenage years” He said.
“What about after the most of your teenage years ?” I asked.
“I dunno, just never really had the time anymore, I had a job, I had school, boys, friends, things just kept coming up, and I never could find the time anymore” He said as he looked away.
By this point our food was on its way, we began eating, but still occasionally spoke to each other. The night was going so well, it seemed as if nothing could mess it up, when we finished dinner we paid and left, standing outside I began to thi k about what Maxx had said in the restaurant, “Hey, do you want to go down to the beach ?” I asked, he lifted his face with a huge smile on it.
“Really ? You really want to come down there with me ?” He asked so sweetly.
“Of course I do, let’s go” I told him as I grabbed his hand and walked him down to the beach with me. We held hands down to the beach, we walked down close to the water and we looked up at the sky together, “It’s so beautiful at night, isn’t it, the water, the stars, the moon, everything” He said, still looking up.
“Yeah, beautiful” I told him.
“Ben” He said, I turned to him, and he began to kiss me, he took me by surprise, but I let in, I opened my mouth and began to kiss him back, he began pushing and rubbing his tongue against mine, massaging it as his hands massaged my body, rubbing and tickling it all over, I pulled him down with me onto the soft sand, I kissed him back, hard, as he lay on top of me, still rubbing my body, I grabbed the back of his hair and tugged it gently as I threw my head back and moaned, he began kissing my neck and started undoing my shirt, I rolled him over and was now straddling him, but a force greater than mine was pulling me off of him, “No, stop” I said as I jumped off him and sat there on the beach.
“What? Did I do something wrong?” I asked as he pulled himself up.
“No, you didn’t, it’s me, sorry, I have to go” I told him as I got up and ran back up to the road; I found a taxi and jumped in, I began to whimper and cry a little in the car as I told the driver where I wanted to go, my phone then began to rang, it was Maxx, but I couldn’t answer, I couldn’t tell him why I had to leave, my phone then became swamped with text messages from him, but I couldn’t open them, I couldn’t tell him that I was still madly in love with Zac, and that I couldn’t do this with him, not now, and maybe, not ever.

The driver had finally taken me to where Zac was staying at the moment, I hoped out and paid him, I walked to the front door and opened it, it hadn’t been locked, I walked around, looking for Zac until I heard his voice in a room, I walk over to it and was about to open it when I heard someone else’s voice, someone who I didn’t know, I opened the door, excited to see Zac, but at the point of walking in, my excitement fell, and I was now full of anger and hatred, Zac’s head then flung to the open door with me standing in it, “Ben, what are you doing here ?” He said as he looked towards the guy next to him in bed, “It’s not what it looks like, I swear” He said as he got out of the bed, but I didn’t reply, my anger was to great for me to say anything, I grabbed the door and slammed it shut as I ran for the front door, I began to cry heavier and faster now, “Ben” Zac called as he grabbed my arm, I turned around and pulled him off me.
“Don’t you dare touch me” I told him as I pushed him away and continued to the front door, I opened it and turned back slightly as Zac fell to the ground, now crying, I slammed the door on my way out and began walking home, I was hurt and confused, I didn’t know what to do, how could I be so stupid to let this happen, how could he do this to me, my heart began to ache as I continued walking home, but finally I gave up, and collapsed on the footpath, as I broke down in tears and heard myself scream “Why ?” a thousand times over in my head …

---