My apology story…

Introduction:
Well, this is odd, don’t know how to articulate it… it’s my story. I wrote it as an apology to folks on
Craigslist. It’s all true.
When I was an early teen, I was molested by some of my older relatives. Kind of. More like talked into
experimenting; not like groped or anything. I did everything I did with them on my own, after a bunch of cajoling. A couple of my male cousins each about 2 years older than me would show me some good ole straight porn. I had never seen a curved cock (mine is straight as an arrow) that stood up and not out, so I commented on it; like, “what’s the matter with his cock?” I thought cocks stuck straight out when hard, like mine. All of us looked at porn; I didn’t give it any thought as to where it might lead. I had found out how to jerk off from another cousin who was actually younger than me; and had been experiencing dry orgasms (“shooting blanks”) for a while.
A few weeks after I’d commented on the one picture, one of them (let’s call him Will, not his real name) and I were alone at his other grandmother’s house. His parents and everyone else were out front; we had wandered around to the backyard where the barn and pasture gates were. I was in the backyard looking around at nothing in particular (since I’d never been to these folks’ house) and I heard him say, “hey, look at this…”; I turned around and he was standing on the back porch, my head about waist high on him, and he had his shorts down showing me a fucking niiice erection. His cock almost hit his navel. I guess my jaw hit the ground, and he did the little fist motion to indicate he’d been jacking it. Now jacking it would get you made fun of at our school; to see him admitting to doing so was, well, odd. You just don’t admit to jacking it.
His cock was freaking huge, too. Seriously, like probably 8″ erect, as big around as the knob on a baseball bat at the base, and uncircumcised. Mine is circumcised; I had never seen that penile feature in person either. I gawked at it a little bit, and he said “remember that magazine?”, and grinned, and slipped his pants up. He went on a few days later to tell me how he’d started to ejaculate recently. A few days later, I was at his house, and he said, “Hey, you wanna see some cum?” Remember, I was about 12 and not able to do so. So I watched him jerk off for the first time. Nothing spectacular then, but I look back on it and… man… to reach over and grab it, to feel it, watch it drip. I was right next to another man shooting a load!!!
He talked me into jerking off with him, at his house, behind the barn. I was embarassed, of course, because my cock was a lot smaller – maybe 4″ – and just, well, “plain”. No giant head, no sexy curve upward, no foreskin, it wouldn’t even make any cum. He was always horny – I never saw his cock flaccid. He’d pull his pants down and have a massive hardon. We did for several weeks. I’d get off the school bus with him, we’d head to the barn… One day, he suggested that we jack each other off. “Nothing like doing a favor for a friend….” he said. So I tried it.
That was OK then. Now, years later, I’d love to feel that feeling – his girth, his thin skin, that curve, he had
this big vein on the underside of it… watching his foreskin snap back and forth off his head as I stroked it. His cock just felt better than mine. I was a little heavyset, he was thin as a rail…. I guess mine has an insulating layer of fat under it or something. His felt like thin skin and hardness. I ‘d love the feeling of it again, and feeling him stroke me. Mostly as we did it, though, it was me stroking him… he was always good at quitting before me and getting out of the way.
You know when you’re in middle and high school, that there’s tons of rumors on how to get a big cock. Vitamins, tying strings to it with weights, yadda yadda. Well, he told me, “the real way to get a big dick, is to suck somebody else’s dick.” That’s how I was talked into it. He promised to tell no one, it’s our little secret, etc. First he had me suck on his balls a time or two. Man, them fucking nice balls…. And soon I got talked into sucking his cock. At the time it was demeaning, a little, but he took it well, and enjoyed it, and was cool about it. I never sucked him more than a couple of minutes; never to completion, never even any real “head” – you know, with a fist on his cock, licking, slurping, kissing it, etc. Just a little bit of my mouth over on it, probably 3 or 4 inches of it (what I could fit in my mouth), and just sucking on it. Once he asked me to wrap my tongue around it and blow – a “real blow-job”. Man, to be able to do that now… have that hot meat available… I’d really show him how it’s done. I guess you don’t miss what you have till it’s gone. He’d just stand there with his hands to his side, that giant cock bouncing a little in anticipation, his balls sagging, and I’d go to it. I never thought to roll his foreskin back, to lick his head, to run my tongue along its length… dang, what I wouldn’t do now…
He did ask me once to not stop. “A drop or two of cum won’t hurt you”. Well, I never sucked him all the way off, he’d / we’d always JO to completion, me shooting blanks, him making a nice load. He liked to cover his cock head and let it ooze out; never the big long pornstar shots. Always 2 or 3 good long slow shots, held back by his foreskin and fingers.
We moved on to him talking me into anal. I got no benefit from that; (remember, I was gonna get a big dick for sucking his!); as soon as it felt like it was partially in it’d be uncomfortable and I’d have him pull out. I didn’t think it was “working”. I guess I though it’d feel like it felt as he entered, all the way up. Then he told me once, after the 3rd or 4th time we tried it – “the other day, I had mine all the way in…”. I have an erection now from thinking about that cock being all the way inside me. What it would have been like if he’d fucked me. We tried a few different kinds of positions, like he’d seen in his dad’s fuck movies. Like I said, experimenting. Mostly I’d just bend over and he’d fuck me standing up; once we tried doggy style. Now I wish I’d let him fuck me missionary style. I could have let him fuck me, then jack his load onto my stomach, then lifted it onto my fingers and eaten it. Or just let him shoot that hot cum inside me. Damn.
Soon, though, I found out our secret was out. He’d been a suck / JO partner with the neighbor (let’s call him Richard) who was a year younger than me; and a JO partner with another cousin (let’s call him Dell) that was his age; also about 2 years older than me.
One night Richard, Will, and I camped out. Will’s parents were gone, so we watched some fuck movie at his house while it was still daylight. Will suggested we have a “hard-on contest”, of course, I was embarassed because I didn’t know Richard knew. They jumped up and pulled their pants down. My neighbor Richard’s cock was a little bigger than mine, circumcised too, nothing spectacular. Not like my cousin Will’s. Needless to say, he won. We went on back in the woods, and I found out how far along the other two were in their relationship. Richard liked to suck cock; I guess he was vying for the biggest cock in the state. We all jerked off, and later on Will talked us into some 3 way stuff; 3-way JO, then I sucked Will, Will sucked Richard, and Richard was supposed to suck me; all at the same time. Richard only liked sucking big cock, it turns out. Richard suggested we all fuck each other; however Will and I didn’t admit to that; and we didn’t. Boy, howdy, now… I’d ride Will’s monster cock and suck the other one. Make Richard suck me with that big cock of Will’s all the way inside me. Damn.
Dell broke the ice by asking me one night if I had any pubes yet; he pulled down his pants and said “well I have a few just to make things feel good”. (whatever THAT means). His was the first flaccid adult cock I’d seen, and I was in awe too. His was probably about 6″, cut, and, well, full; kind of hung out and straight down over his sack. I know this sounds like Usenet JO material, but I’m serious. It’s all true. He asked me did I JO, then he said he knew that I did (duh), and that him and Will had just had a session in our shed out back. I agreed to go with him, so we went out there. We got started, and his cock was like mine – hard and level. He said it measured 7″ hard, and his balls were 2″ each.
I remember watching him stroke it, and it jerk back and forth, the head in front of his fist. It looked different
than Will’s, he stroked it a lot different. Not a good consistent stroke, he was wanking the crap out of it. All
over the place, every different direction, his head escaping as he started back down on each stroke, kind of saying “whew”.
He then asked me did I give head. “uh, well, uh…” I knew he knew, and I said, “aw man, I’ve given Will enough for 10 people”. So, he said that he was behind; I tried to weasel out but he persisted. “5 sucks is enough for one person, so you owe me 50”. Whatever. He went on and told about camping with Will and Richard; how the neighbor (in his quest for massive cockness) sucked them both time and time again that night. How he jacked his cock till it was red, trying to shoot off like those two. (He and I are both too young, remember?) Hate I missed that trip, . Then I knelt and got ready.
Ever been mouth fucked? That’s what I got. As soon as he hit my lips, he went to thrusting and grunting. I didn’t have time to suck him. Not like Will, who stood stock still, with his nice upright navel-hitting veiny cock I could hold in my mouth and taste and smell and feel. Dell took my blowjob like he jacked off – fast and rough. I really didn’t like it at the time, but there again, as my feelings have changed, boy….. I’d love to grab him by the balls, shove him against the wall, and deep throat that monster. Put him in his place. He shot a nice load (JO of course, I never sucked him to completion either), especially for just having had a session with Will an hour or so earlier. I mean, a really nice load. I had a wet dream about him a few months later, doing the same thing, and he hit me in the face with the first and second spurt, and I swallowed the third through EIGHTH spurts. Damn. I wish I could go back, I’d suck them both, swallow them both, time and time again, all fucking night. Just like the camping trip I missed. I’d love for Dell to fuck me, it’d be awesome. He could fill me up with hot thick cum and enjoy every thrust of it. I never even knew Will was enjoying anything, he was more content to let his eyes roll back and hold his breath.
Well that night was about the last time with either of them. I decided then that I wasn’t really going to get a big cock, and that I was merely an experimentation method for both of them. I was kind of pissed at Will for telling Dell about us; the next time we had a chance he wanted to try anal while using a condom. That pretty much cemented the fact that I was just an experimentation tool; and I told him that I didn’t want to do nothing with him any more. Dell moved away, Will got a job and a drivers license, we grew apart. I discovered pussy too, which I really like. We all got wives now, and normal “straight” lives.
So here’s the apology: Due to my past, I get horny for cock from time to time. I wish I could suck both of them, hell, even the neighbor kid. Together, separate, whatever – just unzip the pants, drop the whiteys, watch them fatten up again, and go to it. Get fucked by them both. They were the first sex I’d had. So, I post here, get a couple replies, and think back on the old times… how I’m going to DT somebody, get some cum on me… do it right. Smell that “cock” smell, feel that thin skin over hot flesh, watch a firm cock bounce a little when I let go of it. Then I freaking explode a nut and delete the ad. Maybe someday I’ll get brave enough to follow through. Till then, I’ll be the anonymous CL poster you never get to meet.

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