My downward spiral to becoming a slut Chapter 22 – Finding happiness
Introduction:
This is the next chapter in the story of Tori. After finally opening up about her feelings about all the things going on in her life, and beginning to face the difficult circumstances in her life will Tori begin to find a bit of happiness? Read on to find out.
The toughest thing I had to face was when the police came to speak to my parents about the pictures Scott had taken. I have never been so ashamed in my life. I do not think there is any teen who would want their parents to see them doing what they do with their boyfriend. Yet the police showed my parents the pictures Scott had taken. I felt even more ashamed when they told us that not only had he taken the pictures but that he had put them on his computer from his cell phone. The police said that he sent out my picture over the internet. He sent them in emails and posted them around on the internet. Their computer specialists were working to trace and to remove the images. They can find everything that Scott posted. The problem is they can not find if people who saw them were then able to also download and distribute them further around the net. My mom cried when she realized that there are sexual pictures of me going around the internet. My father looked sick to his stomach. He looked so pale and I felt not only ashamed that they had seen the pictures and ashamed that I had allowed them to be taken but worst I was ashamed of how I was making my family feel.
The next thing I had to deal with was to decide if I should quit the cheerleading squad. The whole reason Elizabeth helped me make the squad was to help the team win in competition and with my tumbling skills it was hoped that I would help them with that goal. But not too many cheerleading squads have pregnant members and I was already beginning to show. While I am still okay for physical activity tumbling and stunts are probably not the best things to be doing while pregnant. So after meeting and talking with Elizabeth and the coach I quit the group with hopes of maybe trying out again next year.
I think Elizabeth had a harder decision then I had because with her internal injuries from her rape she had to decide if she would be physically limited in what she could do. Considering she has been a cheerleader for years and was captain of the cheerleading squad it had to have been hard for her to decide what to do. In the long run she decided to keep facing the crowds and has remained on the squad and I am happy for her. She doesn’t talk about her injuries or how that made her feel, but I can imagine it must be very depressing. She wouldn’t tell me about what the doctor had to do when she had her follow up visits but knowing that they are for internal injuries to her girl parts I can hardly imagine how humiliating the exams are for her. They are trying to save her reproductive organs but they give her little chance of ever being able to have a baby.
Besides school, cheer and group the one other thing that Elizabeth has been putting her time in on is the legal proceedings with the guys who attacked her. Between her mother and her one of them has been at every court appearance any of the boys have had. She has met with the police and the district attorneys frequently. The attorneys have told her numerous times that they were amazed that she had maintained physical evidence of each of her attackers and this should help to convict each of them for their participation in her rape. She has been disappointed how much plea bargaining there has been. But as they progressed things got more serious and each of the guys is facing a good amount of prison time for what he has done.
Through it all she has stayed strong and as always I was so impressed with her strength. One Thursday she called me and asked me if I thought my parents would let me go with her to her family’s lake house. I told her I would check with my parents and I spoke with them over dinner. They were very hesitant at first and after dinner my mom called and spoke with Elizabeth’s mom. It was Elizabeth’s grandparent’s lake house on a lake about an hour away. Her mom offered to drive us and to stock us up with groceries but we would be alone for the weekend at the lake house. They were still hesitant but knew I had been going through a lot and thought I could use a relaxing time away. They finally agreed telling me that they might come to the lake house at any point to check on us. I agreed.
I was excited by the idea of getting to go to a beautiful lake with Elizabeth. I had to admit I was a little bit surprised she wanted to go there alone with me but I was really excited. Lord knows I have had enough stress over the last few months to last a lifetime. I didn’t know what to pack and kept packing and unpacking over and over trying to decide. Finally I put together a bag of what I wanted to take. My dad offered to drive us out after the game Friday night and Elizabeth and I agreed to that.
I had my bag packed and ready and my whole family went to the game. It was so strange watching the squad from the stands and it was odd but I found myself resting my hand on my tummy. I was beginning to show and I just felt a need to hold my tummy. The other team beat our team badly without Scott and the other players. After the game my father drove us to Elizabeth’s family’s lake house. We got there shortly after midnight. My father went inside and helped us turn on the lights and take our bags in and made sure everything was okay. He then headed home and Elizabeth and I were alone in her lake house for the weekend.
The house was very nice with four bedrooms. The kitchen was huge and the living room had floor to ceiling glass walls and looked out directly over the lake. With the sun and stars even in the dark you could see the water. It was absolutely beautiful. Elizabeth made us her favorite strawberry fruit smoothies and a bowl of popcorn. We then went and changed into our night clothes and settled down on the sofa with the popcorn and smoothies.
Elizabeth put on baby blue Victoria Secret pajamas. The top was a button down shirt with 4 large buttons and soft blue satin. The bottoms were matching boy shorts that showed her beautiful long legs. I put on a pink lace teddy with matching panties and had a satin matching pink robe over it. I had picked the prettiest lingerie I owned.
At first it was a little tense as I think we didn’t know where to start the conversation and most of the sound was the sound of us eating popcorn. But after some small talk Elizabeth asked me if I was planning on keeping the baby. I told her I was and that made her smile. She asked me if I thought I was ready to be a mother and I told her I didn’t know but that I would do my best. She asked me had I thought about adoption and I told her I had thought about it but I couldn’t imagine giving away my child.
Her next few questions surprised me. She asked me what I would have thought of giving the baby to someone I knew. I thought about that but said I didn’t know anyone who was ready for a child.
I saw her then look down at her feet like she was embarrassed about something.
“Tori there is something I have been hesitant to tell you about because I wanted you to decide for yourself about Scott and honestly I have never been sure of what really happened but with all that has happened I am pretty sure now.
“Okay,” I replied.
Her eyes stayed on the floor.
Elizabeth started telling me, “When I was a freshman I was very shy and had no self confidence. I was thin and tall and very awkward. I tried out and made freshman cheerleader but I was still very shy. Scott was quiet and shy at first as well. He made the freshman football team but wasn’t starting. He and I had a couple classes together and became friends. As the year progressed he was getting to be better and better known and became starting quarterback of the freshman team.
We were doing things together as friends and became boyfriend girlfriend. Like I said I was very shy and he was getting more self confidence. He was starting to push our relationship to get more serious but I wasn’t ready for that. More and more he was asking me about going further and every time I would tell him I wasn’t ready. Most of the time we were together in groups so I didn’t worry too much about his advances.
One weekend there was a huge party at one of the varsity football players homes. I had asked my mom for permission to go but she told me no. That weekend I made up a story to spend the night at my best friends house and my mom was busy with work and didn’t check on me. We went to the party instead. There had to be over 200 kids there. There was music and dancing and lots of alcohol. I didn’t drink and kept turning down beers and mixed drinks all night. The only thing I did drink was punch.
Tori, there is not much more I can tell you about that party other then that Scott met me there and was my date and was getting our drinks. I can’t remember anything from that point till the next day in the afternoon. When I woke at the house there were kids everywhere asleep and I was half dressed. I got up and went and found a bathroom. I was bleeding. I had been a virgin. I have no idea what had happened that night. I just knew I was half dressed, sore and bleeding between my legs. I asked Scott what happened and all he said was that I had a good time. I asked him what that meant and he just repeated that I had had a good time.
I was never very sure about what had happened to me but I think Scott put a drug in my punch. I think several guys had sex with me there. It’s why when I heard about what happened to you on your birthday it made me wonder if he did the same thing to you.
That next week I broke up with him because he wouldn’t tell me what had happened. Several weeks past and then things turned worse. I started being sick in the morning and I hadn’t had my period. I was so scared and didn’t know what to do. On my own I bought a pregnancy test at the drug store. And after taking the test I found out I was pregnant.
I was scared to death and decided to tell Scott. When I told him he asked me why I was telling him and I said that I was telling him because he had gotten me pregnant. Tori, he laughed at me and reminded me what he had said that I had had a good time. He told me I had been with several boys and that any of them might be the father.
I was devastated and didn’t know what to do so I went to planned parenthood. I got a very nice counselor who I was able to talk to a little bit about my situation. I didn’t think I could face my mother knowing I had lied about going to the party. Worse I had no idea who was the father of the baby. Because of my shame I made the decision that you ruled out, I decided since I had not chosen to be with anyone that I wasn’t pregnant with a love child, I made the choice to terminate the pregnancy. Even with having an abortion I didn’t even miss a cheer event.
So I very much understand how you’re feeling and what you’re going through. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about and wonder about who my child might have been if I had made the decision you have made. I can’t say that if I was in the exact same situation all over again that I would have made a different decision but that does not take away the pain of what I chose to do.”
She sat there so sullen looking down in her thoughts. I was stunned to have found this out about her and I understood why she had not told me this before now.
She then changed the subject and said more that surprised me.
“Tori do you remember when you asked me about me having a boyfriend in college?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“Well I don’t have a boyfriend in college.”
I laughed thinking how odd it was for her to bring that up now.
“Do you remember what Scott said my nickname was?”
I nodded and then answered, “Liz the lez.”
“Do you know what he meant by that?”
I had some ideas but I thought I’d let her answer so I shook my head no.
She looked down.
Then she began to explain, “After having had the abortion I became very unhappy. I really became withdrawn and didn’t do much of anything with anyone. Towards the end of the school year one of my friends somehow talked me into trying out for a school play. I was horrible and got just a tiny part with no lines. That wasn’t what was important though.
For the summer I didn’t have any plans other then cheerleading camp and my mom wanted me to stay busy. Since I had been in the play she found out about a drama camp. I didn’t know if I had any interest in that but she was really pushing me to do something so I finally agreed.
At drama camp I started paying attention and learning how to act. I liked it because I learned to act like I was feeling something different then I was really feeling. I learned to hide my own emotions and feelings.
I also became close with one of the camp counselors. Her name was Cheryl and she was a 19 year old sophomore at the University. She was a very good actress but even more important she was a good acting teacher. She helped me use all the emotion inside my heart to become a much better actress. She also saw the pain I was in.
As the weeks passed Cheryl and I spent more and more time together and got to know each other better. One day she and I had a conversation similar to what you and I are having right now. She asked me that same question, did I know what it meant to be a lesbian.
I told her I didn’t know what that really meant so she began to explain. She told me that first labels were not important. There were many types of labels, straight, bi, gay and lesbian. Even within those labels were more labels like top, bottom, butch and fem. She told me that to some people labels were important. But to her a label wasn’t important, what was important was how each person felt about the other.
She then asked me if I had ever looked at another girl and found her attractive. I told her I had found a few actresses attractive but not in “That” way. She asked me if I thought she was attractive and I told her I thought she was beautiful, which was the truth.
She then completely changed the subject and asked me why was I in so much pain. I was surprised by that question and asked her what made her think I was in pain. She told me she could see it in my eyes. I couldn’t look at her for a few minutes. She then very softly asked me what happened.
I proceeded to spill my guts about the party and Scott and the abortion. As I did I broke down and was crying and she held me close and comforted me. She listened closely and never interrupted me.
All that happened that night is that we talked. She offered me kindness and helped me to understand that I did what I thought was right and that was all that mattered.
A few days later we had a nice dinner together and then had time to talk after and that night we got physically closer and kissed for the first time. I can not begin to tell you how nervous I was doing anything with her. But it felt so very different with her then it did with Scott or any other guy. Not once, not ever did I feel like she would push me for more then I was ready for. As she made advances she watched my responses and if I resisted she immediately eased off. It was very different then anything I had ever felt before. And I wasn’t turned off by the fact that she was female.
We got very close that month and it broke my heart that she lived so far away from me a couple states away. We stayed in touch by phone and email after that but she ended up falling in love with someone else at the University. I haven’t had a boyfriend since Scott and do not think I ever will again.”
Elizabeth took a moment and sipped her smoothie. She then looked up at me and I was stunned by the story she had just told me.
She then went on, “Tori, when I look at you and see your personality, your spirit your smile, I am very attracted to you. You have an inner strength that you don’t even realize you have. When I first met you I saw so much happiness and energy and I let him take it all away from you and I’m so sorry for that.
I am very sorry that I behaved like I did in the theater that day. Honestly I just was so attracted to you and Scott did know I had turned to girls. Even while I regret it, I have never stopped thinking about it or wanting to do it again. I am drawn to you like I have not been drawn to any other person since Cheryl.
I am also very happy that you chose to keep your baby. I think you made the best decision for you. And I want you to know I will stay your friend even after you have the baby. I will help you with him or her and babysit for you if you’ll let me. I would really like to be part of your life and part of your baby’s life.”
I looked at her very surprised. I think I understood her feelings knowing she had aborted her own pregnancy. It was very spontaneous but we hugged at that moment.
We sat there quietly together for a while leaning against one another. We didn’t talk much more that night and she found a blanket and pulled it up over us. We sat on the sofa like that a while and then shifted to lying together on the sofa. It was a cool night but with the blanket over us and each others body heat we stayed warm. It had been several hours since we had arrived there and we both were exhausted and we fell asleep there on the sofa together.
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The next morning I woke up still on the sofa with Elizabeth. She was already awake and was staring at me. I didn’t notice at first but she had her hand on my belly. I looked at her hand and then again in her eyes and she blushed.
“It’s amazing there’s another person inside here huh,” she asked.
I nodded.
She then leaned over and kissed my belly.
I laughed thinking that was funny.
“Don’t laugh, I just gave your baby its first kiss,” she said smiling at me.
“Yes you did,” I replied.
“Well don’t just lay there all day, lets get into our swim suits and get into that beautiful water,” Elizabeth said and jumped up off the sofa and headed to where her bag was getting out her bikini and heading into the bedroom to change.
I got up and did the same following.
After putting on our swimsuits we walked down to the lake. It was unbelievably beautiful. The sun was shining and reflecting off the water. We walked along the edge of the lake just taking in the beautiful scenery. We held hands and got our feet in the water. It was a sunny day outside so it was warm but the water felt cold on my feet. We took a long walk along the lake before heading back to the house for lunch.
Elizabeth made us sandwiches and soup for lunch and I sat there on a stool at the counter watching her. I liked looking at her, when she was relaxed and at ease her self confidence was so apparent. I realized then that Elizabeth was more of a grown up like my parents then she was like a teenager. She was responsible and confident and seemed to always know what she wanted.
We had a nice lunch together and I told her I was nervous and scared about having a baby. I told her I was very scared that it would hurt to have the baby. She reminded me that they have medicine to help with that. I told her how gross the morning sickness made me feel and how I felt so many physical changes. My breasts felt swollen and tender and I just felt tired more often. She then teased me and joked with me that at least they were getting bigger since I had small boobs that did make me laugh.
We took a nap that afternoon and after the nap I felt rested for the first time in a long time. That afternoon I felt less stress in my life that I had in a long time. At that moment that afternoon in the lake house there was no Scott, no coach, no rape and no issues of pain. I felt safe and relaxed and . . . in love.
We took another walk late that afternoon and we kicked our bare feet in the water trying to splash water on one another and it was a lot of fun. I think it was the first time I had laughed that hard since I had talked to Scott at the pool that day. We both seemed to be having a really good time. I was stunned at one point when Elizabeth grabbed a hold of me and laughing said, “See Tori this is the girl I fell in love with.”
Those words surprised me so much. I felt like I had forgotten how to laugh and to be happy. I had to admit it felt terrific. I had forgotten I could be this girl, carefree laughing having fun and a good time. Yet here I was at the lake house with Elizabeth doing exactly that. It was that girl she had seen through everything, that girl who loved life and smiling and having fun. I’m not sure how she ever saw this in me because I had forgotten what this felt like but somehow through everything she had seen this in me and I couldn’t have been happier.
We watched the sunset together over the lake. It was incredibly beautiful and neither of us spoke as we watched the sun set as if it was plunging ever so slowly into the lake. We sat there quietly holding hands just taking in the beauty of it all. We didn’t move till the sun was completely hidden from view. We then got up together and headed back into the home put on a cover up dress over our swim suits and started to prepare dinner together.
We had fun making dinner I got to do a salad and Elizabeth made some spaghetti sauce and the pasta. It wasn’t very long before we were sitting down eating the meal we had prepared. During dinner Elizabeth told me she was so proud of me for opening up like I had at group. She told me she was afraid I would not ever be able to face what had happened to me and she thought I would be happier now that I had opened up.
After dinner we cleaned up the dishes together and then decided to settle in for a movie. As we watched the movie we laid on the sofa holding each other. It felt so nice and safe. I was a little surprised when Elizabeth kissed my cheek, my neck and then my ear lobe.
When I turned to look at her she kissed me on the lips. I was surprised but I just closed my eyes and kissed her back. The first kiss was soft and sweet and short closed lip to lip. When we broke the kiss we looked at each other and stayed where we were just an inch apart. She then put her hand on my cheek and we kissed again. This time we began to French kiss. I loved kissing Elizabeth more then I liked kissing anyone else. The kisses were soft and tender yet full of passion and emotion. We kissed several short playful French kisses before we seemed to get lost in a long deep kiss.
It seemed like Liz was being a little bit timid so I started to run my fingers through her hair pushing it away from her face. She ended up laying me back on the sofa and we continued to kiss. Her hands began to rub my arms and shoulders. I slid my hands around her waist and begin to rub her lower back.
Her hands then began to slide up my sides to just below my arms and then I felt them gently rub over my breasts. They were very tender but she seemed to know and was gentle and just rubbed them softly. I slid my hands down onto her lower back and onto her soft butt.
I could hardly believe this was happening but it felt natural and felt right. I felt her push my cover up dress up and unhook my bikini top. I realized this was becoming more intense and that didn’t scare me it excited me. I began to push Elizabeth’s dress up and untied her bikini top as well.
There was a moment there when we both stopped and looked into each others eyes. I think we were looking for the other to be afraid but neither of us seemed scared. After that moment we kissed again and the passion only grew.
She very gently began to kiss down onto my chest and onto my breast. She was so gentle that even though my breasts were tender it felt very good. As she kissed there I ran my fingers through her hair.
After a while she kissed her way back up to my lips and we kissed again passionately. Her hands were rubbing and caressing my breast as mine rubbed her back. Then I felt her slide her hand down onto my tummy rubbing around and around and then slowly her hand slid lower. It wasn’t very long before I felt her rub lower down to my sex. I felt a little nervous but also very aroused. Before long her rubbing was beginning to feel very good and I felt myself getting more and more aroused.
Our kissing grew more passionate and I moved my hands to her breasts and began to rub them gently. Unlike any of the guys who I had been with Liz knew how to touch, not too hard or rough but just right to feel great. I realized I was getting more wet. As she continued rubbing me I lowered my lips to her breasts. I tenderly kissed and sucked on her breasts and nipples.
Before long it was feeling so good I felt my body begin to shake. Liz’s finger touched my lips and all around my clit and it felt more and more intense until I couldn’t hold back any more and began to orgasm. I almost didn’t notice how much I was moaning and felt a little embarrassed when I realized it. At some point I had stopped sucking her breasts and focused on my own good feelings. After I came I felt her come back up to my lips and begin to kiss me again. I kissed her as loving and deeply as I could.
I then put my hand on the inside of her thigh but before I could move it closer to her sex she reached down and pulled my hand up to her lips and kissed it then shook her said no. She then whispered, “Just hold me.” So that’s what we did. We lay together on the sofa and cuddled and she pulled my head onto her chest and held me closely.
Being with Liz was so different then with any of the guys because with her it was all about me with Scott or any of the other guys it was all about them. I loved how I felt even though I felt a little guilty that I didn’t do the same for her and bring her to an orgasm. But I respected that she told me no and was happy to just lay there holding her as she held me. We slept there together on the sofa again and it felt nice.
The next morning we woke up and got up to fix breakfast. We each had a ham and cheese omelet and milk. Then we got showered and dressed and got out things ready to go home.
I can’t say that I have had a more wonderful time then I did that weekend. I just know all the stress of everything was forgotten for a few hours and I felt loved and safe for the first time in a long time.
To be continued.
