My version of the 12 days of Christmas,
Introduction:
When the wife hands him the divorce decree..Enjoy it and Happy Holidays everyone!
On the second day of Christmas, I gave my true love two black eyes and a bloody nose to go along with that divorce decree. Why, because he called me a lazy ass bitch, adding the divorce was my fault. I’m usually not a violent person honest.
On the third day of Christmas, I told my true love, three curse words in French words. He still had two black eyes, and the divorce decree!
On the fourth day of Christmas, I told my true love, oh hell, why am I calling him my true love, because he isn’t! So I told him off, using four naughty words, to go with the three French words. In addition, his two eyes are still discolored and swollen. He deserves everything he gets because of the divorce decree!
On the fifth day of Christmas, I told my true love, I’d maxed out our five credit cards. I’d went shopping to cheer myself up, because I felt sorry for calling him those four naughty words, not to mention the three French ones, adding that his two eyes look better! Oh hell people, you do not know what I went through before I served him that damn divorce decree!
On the sixth day of Christmas, I looked at my true love and felt aroused sexually. After all we still slept in the same bed together, and I could not resist his half naked body at six in the morning. So I convinced him to make love for old time sake. Oh, I was nice and polite too, I didn’t mention the five credit card bills, those four naughty words, or the three dirty French ones. I did tell him his two black eyes looked better, and had second thoughts about the divorce decree, until he told me I looked like I was putting on too much weight.
On the seventh day of Christmas, A good friend of ours told me she saw my true love at the local hotel with a woman who was not me. So I when he was at work, I went snooping of his laptop and sure enough there were emails from the floozy. According to the dates on them, he’d been seeing her for the past seven months. Why on earth did I let him fuck me at six am yesterday, I’ll never know. By the way, I’m not sorry I ran up those five credit card bills, nor for calling him four naughty words, and three which were French. He deserves the two black eyes. I wish I had filed that divorce decree earlier!
On the eight day of Christmas, My true love did not come home last night. When he did that morning I found the hotel receipt in his pocket, he probably spent the last eight hours with that damn floozy. When I confronted him he admitted to seeing her for the past seven month after all she did give him one hell of a blowjob. He then told me, that fucking me the other morning at six a.m. was a big mistake, I should know better than seduce him when he is not awake. He then went on to complain that I should not have maxed out all five credit cards. He also grumbled that I had the audacity to call him four naughty words; three he just knew were cuss words in French. He’d better get away from me or I might give him two more black eyes. After all, I am not a happy camper; that’s while I filed the divorce decree!
On the ninth day of Christmas, My true love told me he was going to a strip joint to see nine women dancing, because he was tired of listening to me nag at him. Afterwards he wasn’t coming home until he was ready which meant to me, he was going to visit that his new lover for eight more hours of hot sex. You know the woman he met seven months, ago. Adding he was sleeping in the guest room so I could not seduce him at six a.m. anymore. I’m glad I maxed out those five credit card bills. After that, I’m going to call him four more naughty words, and cuss him out using the three French ones. God damn-it, I was just about to blow again and give him two more black eyes. By then he’d be wishing he’d filed the divorce decree, first.
On the tenth day of Christmas, My true love covered his ears and knew he should not of went to the club and got drunk, because it felt like he had ten drummers, beating their drums inside his head. However he did enjoy the nine women dancing. He had to call his new love, and talk to her for eight minutes, to explain things, and calm her down. You know the one, the floozy he’s been having an affair with for the past seven months. He stated he will also continue sleeping in the guest room, as he doesn’t want to even see me at six a.m. He frowned and walked into the den. Once he knew she could not hear him he smirked and told himself, “He-he at midnight I am raiding her purse to get those five credit cards and then I’m cutting them up. I already know four naughty words, but would have to learn three French ones, before I can tell her off. She’ll probably give me two more black eyes. Damn-it, I should have filed that damn divorce decree first for my sanity!”
On the eleventh day of Christmas, My true love said, “I don’t give a damn about anything anymore, and I can give you eleven reasons why. I no longer hear the sound of ten drummer beating drums inside my head. I cannot visit the strip joint with nine women dancing, because the cops closed it down. Damn, they sure know how to ruin a man’s night of fun! I won’t even talk to my new lover for even eight seconds; turns out, she is fucking hooker. I also deleted all those so called hot emails the bitch sent me for the past seven months. I also regret fucking my wife the other morning at six a.m. I also arranged to pay off those five credit card bills and it felt good to cut them up. I already have four naughty words in my mind to tell her. Now you’ll have to excuse me, I’m going to the library where I can learn three French ones, so I can cuss her out good the next time. I do not care if she gives me two more black eyes. After all, she did signed the divorce decree!”
On the twelfth day of Christmas, My true love said, “I packed twelve bags and headed out of town. You got it I will be in hiding. I will not get the eleven reasons why. I will not get drunk to the point I hear ten drummers, drumming, I will not even look at nine women dancing! Nor will I go looking for one night of eight hours of hot sex! I do not plan to contact the bitch who said she loved me for seven months. I did visited the ex wife one more time, told her she won’t see me at six a.m. any more because I am leaving town. I then told her I cut up those five credit cards, and gave her my keys to the house. Then I called her four naughty words, along with three that were French! (The French words meant, goodbye bitch!) You all can guess what happen next, she gave me two black eyes. Boy I am I glad they granted that damn divorce decree! She might have killed me by Christmas time next year
