The Judgment of Sgt J Chapter 8 The One who became Carrie
Introduction:
My name is Cathy and I am the one who becomes Carrie.
Hi, I am Cathy. I am the other wife to the man you know as Sgt. J. he considers me trust worthy and loyal to him. The rest of our family believes that I am the centerpiece, the strong willed, emotionally balanced one in our loving family. The one who has a soothing effect on them all especially the one you know as Sgt. J.
However when my story is finished you and they will find out this might not be true. While I am not his legal wife, I am devoted and supportive of the one we call John. I gave my heart to Kay many years before meeting this man. Upon meeting and being with John, I ended up giving my heart and soul to both John and Kay. My life with both Kay and John has been a wonderful experience and I would not think of changing anything. Well maybe one little thing however I will get to that in a later chapter.
As Kay has done, I prefer to tell John my story and have him write it up with my approval. I sit here in his study telling him as he types. The man I once knew well seems distance and cold at times. I am at a lost to help him as he will not tell any of us why he must sit in judgment of himself. This man has faced many struggles in his life and I fear this one may be his greatest.
He feels the need to punish himself, taking the blame for an event that he had no hand in what so ever. I agreed to tell my side of the story only in hopes of setting this man free once and for all of the demons that haunt him. Some of those demons we the three girls in his life have placed there to begin with.
Like Kay, I do so in fear of what lies ahead for not only for the man I love but for us as well. Sgt. J is a complex being one born out of the need to survive during the Vietnam War. I know the type of man he is because I come from a military family. I guess my story will begin with that.
My father, his brother, his father and his grandfather all were military. United States Army men sworn to up hold their duty to do what was right. To defend and protect not only our freedom but also others in the world when theirs are threatened. These men like Sgt. J are proud men, men who follow a code in life. I learned of this code growing up an army brat.
A true man has a set code of honor and lives by those laws religiously. His laws become nearly as rigid as the laws of nature. If you wrong a man of honor, you can be sure he will punish you, just as gravity always pulls the apple to the ground when it falls from the tree.
Their code follows some basic laws or rules. To them if you want to get anywhere in life, you will need to have some basic elements in your code of honor. Whether it is true or not those who follow the code will do better in life because they know who they are and are being true to themselves. They will live by their code at all times. Remember, when you live by a strict code of honor, you cannot break it at any time. I once asked Sgt. J once why he could not break his code.
“One must always obey his code or there is no point in having one,” Sgt. J replied to me.
Kay asked me sometime ago to explain about this code to her. I sat her down and I explained it the way I knew of how it worked. I tell you the readers of his story as well. There are five basic laws that are part of this code of honor. I give them to you as I once did her.
“Listen well John as I speak these words to you,” “Maybe then you will snap out of what ever or why you are punishing yourself,” I said to John as he typed.
LAW 1
Never break your code of honor. The first and most important law is that you may never break the code under any circumstance. To do so means you are not the man you think you are or have become.
LAW 2
Respect yourself and others at all times. Their code of honor is of self-respect and respect of others that follow the same code. When you break the code, you disrespect yourself and all the men who live by it. Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, and respect everyone at all times. However, if someone puts his hand on you or a loved ones, send him to the cemetery.
Law 3
Respect your fellow warriors. When you meet someone that is your “kind of guy,” it is usually because he lives by the same code that you do. With Sgt. J, it happened when he met Jason and Jack and they became the three J’s. Three men drawn together by broken hearts yet they understood each other as well as what it means to live by their code of honor.
LAW 4
Respect the mission. Never question your mission just see it through to the end. If you respect the mission, you will think clearly and be able to complete your mission. If you take the mission for granted you will pay dearly for doing that. Think of your mission as a duty not an order. If you do not take care of business, then business will take care of you. Do not ever forget that.
LAW 5
Death is honorable, be willing to die for your code. Men like the three J’s were willing to ‘pay the price in order to complete their mission. Men such as these and others lived by this code during their wars as well as when they returned home.
Shakespeare once said, “Set honor in one eye and death in the other and I will look on both indifferently; For let the gods so speed me as I love the name of honor more than I fear death.”
Men like Sgt. J believe in honor more than they do death. To them death is but part of their game. In the art of war, every soldier figures there is a bullet with his name on it. Eventually they know they will face Fate.
As Sgt. J put it in his life story, “I played cards with Fate and the Grim Reaper many times and cheated them each time.”
Fate knows all about you, it knows your fears and your weaknesses and your confidences and strengths, and it can be ready for all of them when it decides that the time is right. Fate moves you like a pawn in a terrible game of chess, sacrifice you for the good of others. Fate might drop you from a building you should never have been inside, give you a disease that no one has ever heard of. I say that luck and chance is impartial when Fate is active in life. It picks on people. Almost as if, it thinks about things too much.
One must know what Fate is in order to know a man like Sgt. J. Fate is something that unavoidably befalls a person. It is the universal principle or ultimate agency by which the order of things is presumably prescribed; the decreed cause of events; time. Fate is inevitably predetermined; for it is one’s destiny.
Sgt. J and others like him learned of Fate during their wars. They also added another law to their code during this time and when they returned home if they returned home. In Sgt. J’s case, an Angel gave this law to him that sixth law was Hope.
“When you have lost hope, you have lost everything. When you think all is lost, when all is dire and bleak, remember John there is always hope,” I said to him as he typed.
He looked at me as I stared into his eyes as he replied, “Hope is but spiritual grace that God gave us to control our fears, not to oust them.”
“The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds,” I replied glaring at him.
“On with your story my dear,” John replied not wanting to match words with me.
There may be other laws that apply to men and their code. Such was the case with the three J’s. Their code was based on “Truth, Honor, Bravery and the courage to take action when others do not,” “To always do what is right and just,” “To never give up hope.” John made this pact to himself as well as to Jason and Jack. They all promised to up hold the code during their service as well as when they returned home. Unfortunately, two did not return home, as many others did not as well.
My father was a Major in the Army. My father was a proud man, a loving man however one that you did not cross. He raised us under the code of truth and honor. I spent most of my childhood moving from army base to army base. I almost had no friends, as we would move before I had made any or when I did, we moved away.
I had but one true friend that being my brother. Danny was two years older than I was. When I was seven my mom ran away with another man, she left my father, Danny and I to fend for ourselves. Father was not anger with her for he blamed himself as men like him always do. Danny took care of me while my father did his duty. Danny and I did everything together. In our early teen years that included sex.
John stopped typing for a second and looked at me with astonishment. I have never told him or anyone about the incest I shared with my brother until now. It happened one dark stormy night. The storm awakened me and I ran to Danny’s room, as I was afraid.
I walked in to find him lying on his back in his bed. The sheets were pulled back and his hand pulling at his cock. I knew a little about sex by then after all, I was growing up as an army brat. However, I was about to learn a lot more with the help of my fifteen year old brother Danny.
I froze in the doorway as I watched his hand sliding up and down his cock. Danny had a magazine in one hand and his cock in his other hand. His hand was pumping wildly at his dick. His cock was huge looking to me I would have guessed it around seven inches.
He started to moan softly as he stared at a picture in the magazine. The picture was of some model with huge fucking tits. Danny pulled on his cock a few more times, as I watched his eyes go shut. His hand slipped down to the base of his cock. It throbbed then jerked as white fluid shot high into the air before it landed back upon his belly.
“AHhh Shit,” Danny yelled out as his head turned toward me and he saw me standing there staring at him. He covered his cock with the magazine as he asked, “CATHY, What are you doing here?”
“The storm woke me and I was scared,” I replied. “Can I sleep with you?” I asked him.
Danny sat up at the edge of the bed the magazine still covering his cock as he replied, “I suppose you can.”
Danny tossed the magazine under his bed then pulled the sheets over him as he got back into the bed. I walked over and climbed into the bed with him. I slipped under the cover lying on my side looking at him.
Danny looked at me as he asked, “Now what?”
“Did that feel good?” I asked him.
“Sis a man has to release him self every now and then or he will get blue balls,” Danny replied.
I lifted the sheet up and I looked at his balls as I said, “Looks more like red balls to me from your hand smacking against them.”
“CATHY,” Danny yelled out pulling the sheet back over his cock.
I lie there looking at him. He is just lying there on his back looking up at the ceiling. I notice the sheet starting to move down by his cock. I watch as his cock grew hard causing the sheet to tent out into the air.
“I think it likes me,” I said to him as I pulled the sheet off him.
His cock was hard and throbbing as I pulled the sheet from his body. Danny took his hands and he covered it up with them. I moved his hand with mine. I sat up next to him as I stare at his cock. I had only seen a cock in photos before never close up and in person like his.
“Can I touch it Danny?” I asked him.
Danny looked at me as he replied, “If you have too, go ahead.”
I took my finger and I touched the head of his cock. I held it there feeling the force behind it as I pushed it back down toward his stomach. I moved my finger and his cock sprang back up from his body. I scooted in the bed as I removed my pajamas bottoms before lying back down on the bed toward his cock.
I looked at Danny as I said, “You showed me yours so I will show you mine,” as I took his cock into my hand.
I started to pump at his cock as I had seen him doing. I felt Danny’s hands spreading my legs apart as I lie along side of him. I look back at him to find him staring between my legs.
“You can touch,” I said to him.
Danny rubbed his finger against my pussy. It did not feel like much almost as it did why I wiped after peeing. Danny’s cock stated to leak this clear liquid from it. I did not know what it was. However, I rubbed my hand into it and it made his cock slide in my hand a lot better.
I suddenly felt something wet against my pussy. I looked down to see Danny had his head between my legs licking at it. The more he licked at it the better it started to feel. Danny grabbed my body and he rolled me on top of him. I was staring down at his cock as my hairless pussy sat upon on his face.
I pulled at his cock using both my hands. I felt him slip one finger up inside of me. He moved it in and out a few times then replaced it with his tongue. As he tongued my pussy, a strange feeling came over me down there.
“Oh Danny you are going to make me pee,” I cried out as it felt like I had to pee really badly.
My eyes went closed as my pussy started to tingle. I squirmed on his face as I pulled at his cock. I decided to use my tongue on his cock as he had my pussy. I stuck my tongue out licking at the head of his cock. I licked it about four times.
“AHHhhhhh SIS,” Danny yelled.
His cock throbbed and jerked in my hand. I had my face and tongue right at his cock when it shot cum from the head of his cock. Three warm sprays of cum splashed into my face before I pulled back from his cock. I grabbed the sheet and wiped it from my face as I rolled off him.
“Sorry sis I could not hold it any longer,” Danny said to me.
“That’s OK I enjoyed making it shoot,” I replied.
That was the first of our many times together. My brother and I had fun anytime we were alone. This was a lot what with our father being in the military. My brother was the first boy to kiss me, to eat me and to fuck me.
Our fun started out with just playing with each other’s private parts. He would finger me and lick my pussy while I jacked him off or gave him a blowjob. However, within a month, we were having full sex and Danny was soon fucking me just about every day.
It started out by accident as one night when our father was gone we started our normal play. We were on the sofa together and Danny was rubbing my pussy as I pulled on his cock. Danny asked me if he could rub his cock between my legs. I told him that he could as I got onto my back on the sofa.
Danny parted my legs as he placed his body between them. He took his cock into his hand and he rubbed it up and down on my pussy. His pre-cum soon had my pussy all slick and slippery. It felt good as he slipped it between my little lips of my pussy. Danny placed his hard cock between my thighs as he looked down at me.
“Close your legs and tighten your thighs around my cock as I slid it back and forth, sis,” Danny said to me.
I did as he asked as he started to slide his cock in and out between my thighs. Danny told me how good that felt on his cock as he did. He was soon moving his cock faster between my thighs. Danny pulled his cock back a little too far once and he used his hand to push it back between my thighs.
‘OWwww,” I cried out as I felt the head of his cock entering into my tight little pussy.
Danny stopped pushing and he looked down at me as he said, “I think it slipped into your hole.” Danny added, “Just let your pussy get use to it.”
“Ok, but it does hurt,” I replied.
Danny laid down on top me kissing me as he did. He had taught me how to French kiss so our tongues were in each other’s mouth. Danny lay still on top of me for some time. Then he started to push his cock into my little pussy gently. His cock felt like it came up against something inside my pussy. Danny gave a hard push with his cock.
“AWWwww,” I screamed out as his cock pushed through my hymen. “It hurts,” I added as he started to move his cock in and out of my pussy.
Danny stopped and he left his cock buried in my pussy as he said, “It will feel good when you get used to it.”
Danny did not move for a few minutes then he started to move his cock in and out once more. I closed my eyes as I bite my upper lip so I did not scream out in pain. He kept moving his cock in and out of my pussy as he kissed me once more. His cock was soon slipping in and out of my pussy with ease.
“It feels better now,” I said to him breaking our kiss.
I wrapped my arms around his neck as he fucked my little pussy. It felt warm and wet between my thighs as Danny fucked me. I got that feeling down there as his cock slid in and out of my no longer virgin pussy. Danny gave a few more strokes and then he shoved his cock into my pussy.
“AHHhhhhh SIS,” Danny moaned as his cock jerked wildly in my pussy.
Danny fell on top of me as I felt his cock throbbing in my pussy. He was pumping cum into my pussy. I was moving under him trying to have another one of those feelings. When I realized he had came up inside of me.
“Danny, pull it out you’re going to get me pregnant,” I said to him pushing him off me.
Danny’s cock slipped from my pussy it had blood and white stuff all over it. I jumped from the sofa and ran with my hand covering my pussy into the bathroom. I jumped into the shower washing the blood and cum from my pussy and my thighs. Danny came into the bathroom.
“You OK, Sis?” Danny asked as he stood there looking at me in the shower.
“Yes but next time pull out and I have better not be pregnant already,” I replied stepping from the shower.
Danny grabbed a towel and he started to dry me as he said, “If you are we will runaway together.” Danny added, “I promise to take care of you Sis,” as he stared at me.
At the time that was about the nicest thing, a boy had ever said to me. Thankfully, a week later or so I started my period so I was not with baby. Danny and I started to have sexual intercourse everyday. He even found our father’s dirty magazines that had different ways you could have sex in it.
Danny and I tried them all with our favorite being doggy style. Our oral sex had moved to me even swallowing cum from his cock. Danny always pulled out and shot his load over my face or on my developing boobs. Danny and I never told anyone about what we were doing together. It was our little secret.
Danny would even call me his girlfriend sometimes. We were also good at hiding our fun from our father. Our father was one of those types of person that has a set schedule for the whole day. He was always home each night at 6:35 pm when at his day job for the military. If he was out on military exercises he would be gone for anywhere from one day to maybe 5 days. He would always call home before returning from performing military exercises.
Danny and I both had a good relationship with our father. He never hit us or spanked us when we did something wrong. He would always just explain why we should not have done what ever we did. He would ground Danny when he got in trouble however; he would always give in a few days later and un-ground him. I was daddy’s little girl. I could do no wrong. He was always telling me I reminded him of our mother. He missed her and even through she had ran off he still loved her I believed.
Our fun times lasted for almost a year. Until one day Danny and I had just gotten home from school. We no sooner walked into the house than we started to take off each other’s clothes. By the time we made it into the front room, we had a trail of clothing behind us both.
We sat down onto the sofa and Danny started by kissing me. He kissed his way down my face and neck to my small boobs but well developing boobs. Danny kissed and licked at my young nipples making them grow hard. I wrapped my hand around his cock and pumped at it as he suckled on one of my tits.
My hairless pussy twitched and throbbed as I pulled on his cock. I pushed him back down onto the sofa. I moved down and took his cock into my mouth. I have been practicing on taking all of his cock into my mouth. I started by licking at his dick head with my tongue.
I encased my mouth around his cock and started to work it up and down it. I worked my mouth on his cock until I had finally taken it all into my mouth. Danny moaned as my lips touched the base of his cock. I felt his cock throb in my mouth and I pulled my mouth from his cock.
“Not yet Danny my pussy needs something in it,” I said to him as I climbed up on top of him.
I straddled his body with my legs. I reached under my pussy and guided his cock up into it as I sat down on his dick. Danny’s cock slipped painlessly up deep into my still little and tight pussy. I rock back and forth on his cock as his hands played with my little tits.
“AHhhh Danny,” I cried out as I felt pleasure filling my body.
I leaned forward as I started to move my pussy up and down on his cock. Danny’s hand went to my butt cheeks and he helped me ride his hard throbbing cock. I was in mid orgasm as I felt his cock start to twitch then throb in my pussy.
“WHAT THE FUCK,” our father yelled out as he walked into the living room.
I jumped off Danny just as his cock blew his nut. Then father grabbed him. Father ran with him pinning him up against the wall as he asked him just what in the hell was he doing to his sister. Danny did not say a word and father tossed him to the floor.
“GET some clothes on boy I am not through with you yet,” our father yelled as he turned to me.
Father stared at me as he said, “You are just like your mother a fucking slut,” as he shook his head from side to side at me. “Go to your room and don’t come out until I say so,” he added.
I ran to my bedroom crying. I heard father yelling at Danny. I heard him tell him that he was coming with him. I heard the door close as they left to go somewhere. I lie in my bed dressed and crying not knowing what he had done to Danny or what he was going to do to me. About an hour later daddy returned and he came into my room.
“Where is Danny?” I asked.
“Just never you mind,” he yelled. “Pack your bags you are going to go live with your grandma,” he added before storming from my bedroom.
At the age of thirteen, my father drove my belongings and me to my grandma’s house. It was a long seven and half hour drive. One in which he did not say a word to me nor did I say anything to him. My father dropped me off at his mom’s house and he never told me good-bye or anything. He just left me in her care. I was not even sure he had told her what I had done or not as she never said anything about it to me.
“Father had disowned me like you had Sherri once,” I said to John as his typing stopped.
“Why did you never tell me this before?” John asked.
“Because I was ashamed of it,” I replied. “I had caused what little family we did have to break apart,” I added.
“What did your father do to Danny?” John asked.
“He shipped him off to a military school,” I replied. “I did not see him again until he came home from Vietnam when he was 22 and I was 20,” I added.
“How did you meet Kay?” John asked.
My grandma lived in the same neighborhood as Kay’s mom. I met Kay on my first day of school. I was drawn to Kay the second I saw her smile. We became friends right away. Kay was in my gym class and one day she caught me staring at her. I was going to spend Friday night at her house. We were sitting in her bedroom on Friday night. Her mom had gone out with some friends leaving us alone.
“Cathy, did you like what you saw during gym?” Kay asked me.
“I was just noticing how big your tits were and also all the hair you have on your pussy,” I replied to her.
Kay reached under her bed pulling out a magazine. It was a magazine with women in it together. We looked through it then we did what some of the women in the pictures were doing. Kay and I had our first 69 that night. That was the start of our loving relationship together.
During junior high, we were best friends as well as lovers. Kay dated boys while I dated no one. I was in love with Kay back then and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. However, Kay ran away with Mark when she was sixteen. During high school I met, a boy whom I fell in love with; his name was Steve. We got married right after we both graduated from High School.
Steve worked in his grandfather’s factory and we settled down to a happy life. Within a few months, I became pregnant with twin girls. We were a happy family for 2 years. Steve took over his grandfather’s factory, which caused our marriage to fall apart due to the long hours he was away from home.
I spent my days and nights with the twins. During the night, I would play with my pussy thinking about Kay. I wondered if my life would have been different if she had not run away with Mark. I talked to Steve about how lonely I felt. I even showed him a brochure of this place up on the lake. A place for couples to renew their love while enjoying the pleasure of others. A swingers retreat something we had discussed about doing.
“A place they called “Carrie’s Place,” I said to John.
Steve told me when he was done with his work we would check into it. I knew of some others who had been to this place. They told me it was as no place they had ever been to before. The three persons who ran this place were the most caring and loving people, they told me. The husband and wife who owned this place showed them just what true love could become my friends told me. My husband and I never went to “Carrie’s Place,” and our love did not improve.
My brother had returned from Vietnam and I went to see him out west. My father and I had worked things out between us before I had gotten married. Danny was not the bother I once knew. He must have been brave for like you he had medals to prove this.
However, my brother returned home damaged. My father told me it was just battle fatigue and it would pass. My brother would sit and talk to himself a lot. He would get far away looks in his eyes as well as the look of evil in them. I once asked him to tell me about Vietnam.
“I can not tell one as innocent as you about the evil I saw and did in such a place as Vietnam,” Danny told me. “I can only thank you for helping me get through it,” he added.
I talked to my father about Danny. He blamed himself for what he had become. He told me Danny has been in and out of trouble since he had returned. He had left his drug use become out of hand but it seemed to at least stop his nightmares. Father told me that Danny would become calm and seemed at ease with himself when they talked of me.
My father asked me to take care of Danny due to the army transferring him once more. I asked my husband if it was OK if Danny moved in with us for a while. Steve told me that would be fine and it would give me someone to talk too when he was gone.
I would sit with my brother as he told me about Vietnam. He told me of the horrors, he had seen and that the war still raged on inside of his mind. I gave him comfort during his flashbacks. I read books that dealt with the mind in hopes of helping him.
“How did you manage to stay safe while over there?” I asked him one night when Steve was away on business.
Danny reached over and he took my hand as he replied, “I had the memories of our love making to keep me safe.”
“Danny, we were just foolish kids back then,” I replied.
“Sis, I loved you back then and I still love you now,” Danny said to me.
One thing led to another and within a day, Danny and I were back to having sex. When my husband was at work or out of town Danny and I were together. It was during our time together that I found out he had came back home damaged. His wounds were mental ones not physical ones. He suffered from flashbacks and nightmares in which he relived his time in Vietnam. I asked him to get some help.
“Sis, you are all I need for when I am with you Vietnam is but a memory,” Danny said to me.
I tried to help him the best I could however one weekend my husband Steve was going out of town. Danny and I were in the bedroom enjoying our sex. My husband Steve came home a day early and he caught us in bed together having sex. Steve started to call me names and threatened me. Danny jumped from the bed at him. Danny had him pinned to the floor hitting him then he started choking the life out of him.
“Don’t you call my sister those names,” Danny said to Steve as his hands squeezed at his neck.
“Danny let him go before you kill him,” I screamed.
Danny was no longer Danny I saw the hate and anger that he had in his eyes. I pleaded with him to let Steve go but he would not as he choked the life from Steve. I grabbed a lamp and I busted it over my brother’s head. Danny released his hands from Steve’s neck looked at me then grabbed his clothes and ran from our house.
My husband Steve filed for divorce from me a week later. He and his family threatened to tell the courts I had incest relations with my brother. They would not bring it up if I signed custody of the twins over to Steve. I had no money, no family to back me. I had no choice but to do as they asked.
I also told Danny I never wanted to see him again. Danny moved back in with my father at that time. I found myself a job and went to work as a secretary. Danny would call me every night and I kept telling him I did not want to see him or to be with him. About a month after my divorce, I ran into Kay and her daughter Sherri at the store. I could tell she was not happy being married to Mark and I also noticed she had bruises over her body. I gave her my phone number in case she ever needed anything.
She called me when Mark had shot the puppy he had given to Sherri. They both moved in with me. Kay and I picked up were we had left off in school. We became lovers once again. It was going good until she got that job at the nightclub. I realized then I loved her but Kay did not really love me. I knew what she was doing at the nightclub both with making so much in tips as well as with helping Jack with his clients.
“I should have stopped her John but I did not,” I said to John.
“Kay was on the road to destruction long before then and I don’t think you could have,” John replied.
I came home one day to find Kay fucking a man in our bedroom. I lost it on her telling her she did not love me and never did. I told her the next time she brought a man into my house it had better be to move her shit out of it. I felt bad for Sherri as her mom lost herself in her job at the nightclub. I gave Sgerri all my extra time as I started to raise her as my own. Kay had a falling out with Jack and she even tried to kill herself. Then I got a phone call at work one day from my father telling me, that Danny had taken, his own live.
I returned out west to where my father was living. My father told me Danny had committed suicide by hanging himself in the basement. My father asked me if I knew the problems Danny had on returning from Vietnam. I told him I knew he came home a changed man. I also told him many men who fought in that war came back home with more than just scars from wounds.
“Except for the fact he was still in love with his own sister,” my father said to me handing me a letter.
I read the letter in which Danny confessed his love for me. He stated he could not go on without me. Between the demons he brought home with him and my rejection of him, he felt he was better off dead. My father made total peace with me as well as with himself that day. I cried as I blamed myself for his death. My father gave me comfort telling me it was not my fault. He explained how that war had damaged many men who felt they should have died over there or was better off dead now.
I looked to John as his typing stopped. He reached his hand across the desk to mine. He picked my hand up with his.
“That war hurt us all in some way not only the ones fighting but those at home waiting for us to return,” John said to me.
“If I only had been with…” I started to say but John placed his finger to my lips.
“If only we had never gotten involved in that dam war,” John said as he wiped the tears from my eyes.
“But then there would not have been a Sgt. J for me to fall in love with,” I replied to him.
When I returned to Kay and Sherri, she was seeing this Joe person. One weekend they went away and when they returned, they were married. I could sense Sherri did not want to be around this Joe or any man for that matter. If only I would have done more. However, Kay and Sherri once more left my life.
I was through with both men and women. For the next year, I busied myself with my work. I moved up in the company I worked for however I had to get some more knowledge in order to move up any further so I checked into going back to college. I also had made amends with Steve my ex husband and we now shared custody of the twins. My life was back on track finally.
It was during this time that I ran into a beaten and unstable Kay during a trip to the store. I went out with her to talk and while I could see, she was interested in us getting back together. I was hesitate to do so due to my twin girls.
I told Kay she should go to college with me. She agreed and she enrolled as well. However, you know she could not start when we started. I met Rod on my first day of class. The second day I saw him with you. I did not pay to much attention to you at first. However, Rod would talk about you sometimes and he seemed to look up to you for some reason. I figured it was just because you two had been Rangers in the Army you know “Brothers in arms.” I was glad to see also that Sherri had taken a liking to you. However, I knew Kay had her doubts about you.
I remember I was out with Rod one night when I asked him about the two of you being Rangers. I had told him I came from a military family and all I really knew about Rangers was “If you kill for pleasure, you’re a sadist. If you kill for money, you’re a mercenary. If you kill for both, you’re a ranger.”
“If that is true then that one there is the best of the best,” Rod said to me pointing to you John.
As time went on and Kay spoke of you, I became even more interested in you. She would tell me of how you treated her and Sherri. Then as Rod and I went out with you and Kay, I started to have these feelings toward you. However, you belonged to Kay not to me. I also saw the joy that you placed in Kay’s little girl’s heart back then as well. I longed to have a man like you one who was understanding, trust worthy and an honorable man.
Kay has asked me some questions about Vietnam as she thought you might have some demons in you as my brother had. However when you told me your story that night down at the bar I started to realize I might be falling in love with you but I could not say anything as I did not want to hurt Kay.
“I also knew what you were going to do that night, John.” “You had that same look in your eyes as my brother did when he attacked my first husband.” “John I saw your demons that night and I felt sorry but not for you but for myself,” I said to him.
John stopped typing and he looked at me as I said, “I could not help my brother but I wanted to help you John.”
“Why Cathy, why did you want to help me?” John asked me.
“Because I was falling in love with you each time Kay talked of you,” I replied. “I wanted what you were giving to her but what she would not give you in return that being her love,” I added.
I went to see Kay, as I was afraid of what would happen to you if you did find Joe that night. I knew you would have to kill him because of your code. I also knew if you did kill Joe then the law would have to deal with you. A man like you does not take kindly to anyone who questions your right to deal out justice. I knew they would probably have to kill you if they tried. If they did then I would not be able to know you better. I wanted to get to know everything about you, your body, and your lovemaking. I wanted you and if I had to use Kay to get you then I would do so.
I knew Kay still had deep feelings for me. I dropped a little hint about us having a threesome with you when she returned that night. It was back when I had caught Rod in his lie. When I told Kay about Rod, it caused her to have doubts about you as well. That led to me trying to seduce you that night I brought her home drunk. My own little plan fell apart that night because I was going to confess my love to you. However, I saw a problem with that.
“I wanted you but you wanted Kay,” I said to John.
However, Kay took care of that problem when she told me she was willing to share you with me. I was shocked when she hinted not only to having a threesome but suggested that all of us live together as one big happy family. I felt bad because of the deceit I had in my heart. However, I knew something about you that Kay did not know.
That was the place you and your deceased wife had called “Carrie’s Place.” Because of that and the fact, you once had fun with Terri and Carrie together. I thought that maybe the three of us could work this out between us after all I still had strong feelings toward Kay.
That was until you make love to me with her. No man or woman had ever shown or put as much feeling into his or her lovemaking as you had. I wanted to tell you how I felt but then Sherri saw us kissing. Kay’s daughter had already seen me as threat as I could tell how she looked at me sometimes.
“John, I wanted you but not at the cost of Sherri’s happiness,” I said to John.
I also did not know what you had said to her or talked to her about after seeing us kissing. However when you asked Kay to marry you I knew you and her had planned it together. I was a little heart broken until Sherri came over to me and she whispered into my ear as you kissed Kay when she told you yes.
“You only remind daddy of Carrie but he loves mommy,” Sherri whispered into my ear that night.
At first, I did not believe her and I was happy to be the third in our threesome. I knew you were Ok with Kay and me as lovers because of our second threesome that we had with you. You slept out on the sofa that night because you did not want to disturb Kay and me as we cuddled in the bed. Most men would have felt threatened by something like that. It only added to my already growing fondness of you.
In the morning, Kay even told me that she knew I reminded you of Carrie and that she was OK with it. Kay told me that I knew that side of you better than she did. I went back to sleep as Kay went to you out in the living room. She sent you in to wake me and I still remember what you said to me thinking I was asleep.
“Carrie I still love you and miss you and Melissa as much today as ever before,” you said softly to me. “I hope you understand my love for Kay and someday I hope you can find it in your heart to love her as I do,” you added as you kissed my forehead.
I fought back tears as I opened my eyes to you. Your lovely eyes sparkle and shined as I gazed into them. My body filled with happiness and great joy as you kissed me good morning.However, the happiness was short lived. You walked me into the kitchen joining Kay and Sherri at the kitchen table. I threw my arms around you and I kissed you deeply onto your lips. Sherri did not like that at all and she left me know that.
“DON’’T YOU KISS MY DADDY LIKE THAT,” Sherri screamed loudly with hate and anger in her eyes.
She ran to her bedroom and I went to her. I explained it was just a kiss and nothing more to her. She cried in my arms begging me not to take her new daddy from her. I had to promise her that I would not take her daddy away from her. While I was talking to her Kay was telling you about how Sherri’s eyes looked just like yours did that day you tackled Joe in the front yard.
You felt that you had cast your own demons into Sherri so you left. You ran afraid to face your problems as you had once before. Kay and I both worried that you may not return as we sat in the living room waiting for you to return. Hours passed and then about 6 hours later there was a knock to the back door. It was Deputy Gail.
“Kay, there been an accident and you are needed at the hospital,” she said.
Kay, Sherri and I rushed to the hospital following Deputy Gail with her lights and sirens blaring. Sherri, Deputy Gail and I waited in the waiting room as they took Kay back to see you. I asked Deputy Gail what had happened.
She explained from what the sheriff had pieced together that your truck had a blow out and you lost control rolling it down into a ravine not far from the house. You could not see your truck from the road and the Sheriff just happened to have seen parts from a truck along the highway. He stopped to investigate and he found you. I fought back my tears when she told me he had not found a pulse but started to give you CPR and called for an life flight to the hospital.
“You died three times before they finally brought you back,” I said to John.
“Just one of my many mistakes in life,” John muttered quietly.
“JOHN STOP IT,” I screamed at him. “I will not sit here and let you second guess yourself.” “I know you think you cheated death during Vietnam and that Fate took Carrie from you because of that.” “Just remember, John, Men are not prisoners of fate, but only prisoners of their own minds,” I added staring at him.
“It is what a man thinks of himself that really determines his fate;” John replied then added, “Go on with your story.”
Deputy Gail went to see just how you were coming along, as we had not heard from anyone. I was sitting with Sherri, who was crying and sobbing wildly so I sat her on my lap asking her why she was so upset. She told me she had wished to Angel Carrie that if she could not have you then no one could.
“That little girl felt responsible for your accident, John,” I said to him.
John stopped typing and he said, “No one ever told me that.”
“Angel Carrie would never harm that man,” I said to her. I was curious so I asked her, “Has Angel Carrie ever told you anything about me?”
“I am not allowed to tell you anything until it is time,” Sherri replied.
I just put it off as she was making stories up however I would find out one day just what she meant by that. Kay and I took turns sitting with you as you lie in a coma. We tried everything to get you to wake up; I even pretended to be Carrie to you. I stroked your face and begged you to return to me.
“I remember when I did awake and when you came into see me you whispered,” “Thanks for not staying,” John replied before going back to typing.
Kay and I both were afraid that Angel Carrie had called you home to be with her and Melissa. However, they sent you back to us. I believe you spent six or seven weeks in the hospital before you returned home with your ankle in a cage, as they had to perform an ankle fusion on it.
You made Kay go back to college as Sherri was out of school for the summer and she could keep an eye on you. I knew you and she shared a special bond of some type and I knew that Angel Carrie was part of that bond as well. I remember how happy you and she were being together back then.
You and I were about to form a special relationship when Sherri returned to school. It started when I would stay with you every Friday night as Kay was taking Sherri and her friends skating on that night. You and I talked mostly about Vietnam, as I wanted to help you with your problems of it.
You were afraid that you cheated death once more and that fate would take his revenge upon Kay and Sherri as he had on Carrie and Melissa. I explained the reasons for your visions of Melissa as you laid in a coma. I also explained to you about running away as you had after you had thought your own demons had entered Sherri.
“You ran away from your problems facing you back then.” “A brave fearless man in the face of battle yet scared to fight for what he wanted in life,” I said. “As you do today as well,” I added giving John a look as he typed.
Back then, you thanked me for saying those words to you. However, it was because in your mind I had become Carrie to you as I had said them to you. You even apologized to me for thinking I was Carrie.
“Then close your eyes John as Carrie takes you into her arms,” I replied to you as I took you into my arms upon the bed.
Our lips touched and my body filled with warmth and passion as we kissed. My tongue danced in your mouth as you closed your eyes. I knew you were thinking it was Carrie’s lips upon yours and not mine. However, I did not care who you thought I was or had become to you. I wanted to make love to you that night but I was afraid of hurting you with your ankle the way it was.
I wanted you even if I had to be Carrie to have you. Each time I sat with you and we talked about what happened to you during the Vietnam War memories of my brother would fill my head. You were turning me into Carrie while I was thinking of you as my brother.
Then in October of 1984 when you were able to walk again, you married Kay. I was wishing that was me standing up there with you. However, I was happy to be just a small part of the family you were forming with Kay and Sherri. I was still just the third in a loving threesome.
You and I even had our own alone time back then. After all, I still had you whenever we were alone even if you were seeing me as Carrie. That only made me fall for you even more.
Men from your company and I had had moved all your belongings to your new house while you were on your honeymoon. You had seen to every dream that Kay or Sherri ever had. Kay had her big house on the lake. Sherri had her lovely bedroom fit for a princess as well as her fancy drawing room with a view unlike any other house on the lake.
I wanted to have something as well. I decided that my place would be in your workshop in the boathouse. I took all the drawings that Sherri had given you that reminded you of Carrie and Melissa. I placed them in frames and hung them around your workshop. I hung the one she had drawn of your eyes over your workbench. However, I saw that something was missing from that drawing as I looked at it.
Sherri had captured your eyes well and my body filled with warmth and passion as I stared into them. As I looked into your eyes hanging there, I thought of how you look at me and saw me as Carrie. Those same eyes that you looked at Kay with that told her that you love her. I wanted to see and hear those same words from you.
“Look into my eyes and hear what I am not saying, for my eyes speak louder than my voice ever will,” I said to myself as I stared at the drawing.
I had a small plague made up with those words on it and placed it onto the frame. Because your eyes told me, you loved me but I never believed I would ever hear you tell me. This was to be our happy place even if you did see me as Carrie.
I found out a lot about you moving your things to your new home. I found out Carrie used to wear White Diamond and it became your favorite perfume. I rushed out and brought five or six bottles of it. I found older photos of Carrie and went and had my hair done as hers had been in the photos.
I remember the day you returned from your honeymoon. You had thrown a little party to welcome Kay to her new home. After the party, Kay wanted you to hang the sign as well as your medals over the fireplace. I walked you down to the boathouse to get your tools. You were pleased with the drawings and you wrapped your arms around me.
You sniffed at my neck as you kissed at my earlobe. The White Diamond I wore filled your nose and your mind with memories of Carrie. I placed my lips to your as we kissed deeply and with passion. Our tongues danced in our mouths before you broke our kiss.
“How I have missed you Carrie,” you said to me as you stared into my face.
Your hands lifted the shirt I had on over my head. You reached behind me unhooking my bra freeing my tits. You tweaked at my nipples making them grow hard in excitement. You suckled upon my breasts as your hands removed my jeans and panties until I stood before you naked.
You stepped back from me as you said, “I have not forgotten how truly beautiful you are my love.”
You lifted me to your workbench and you parted my legs. Your tongue licked at the insides of my thighs as my hands ran through your hair. You placed my thighs to your shoulders as your tongue dipped into my pussy. Pleasure raced through out my body as your tongue lapped at my pussy.
“AHHHh John,” I cried out as I squeezed my thighs around your head as an orgasm came over me.
You lapped at my squirting pussy as my juices poured from it. You lifted your wet face from between my legs as you brought your face up to mine. Our lips met, as I tasted my love juices upon yours. Those juices were but for one man and that, man was you. I broke our kiss as I lightly stroked at the side of your face.
“Make love to me John,” “Let me know that your heart loves me,” I said to you.
You stepped back dropping your pants and underwear freeing your hard throbbing cock. You wrapped my arms around your neck as yours hands went under my butt. You lifted me from your workbench pulling me against your body. I wrapped my legs around your back as you held me with your hands under my ass.
My pussy lips brushed against your cock then they opened as you sat me down upon your cock. Our lips met in a deep passionate kiss as my pussy sunk slowly onto your throbbing cock. My tongue slipped into your mouth as you slowly raised me from your cock then slipped me back down on it.
I started to ride your cock as you moved me up and down it. My breasts rubbed against your manly chest making my nipples grow even harder. Your hands dug at my ass as you pumped me on your lovely big cock. My wetness started to run from my pussy onto your cock. Your cock filled me fully and deeply as we made love.
“AHhh John, fuck me,” I whispered into your ear as I broke our kiss.
Our body slapped together as wet sounds filled your workshop. My body shook as I began to have one long continuing orgasm as your cock slipped in and out of me. Just when I thought, my orgasm was over a new one rushed through my body filling me with pleasure once more.
“AHHHHH CARRIE I LOVE YOU,” you screamed as you pulled me hard down onto your cock.
It swelled then throbbed deeply in my pussy as we kissed. Then it twitched as it filled me full of your man juices. You held me with my legs wrapped around you as your cock slipped from my pussy. Our juices poured from my pussy onto the floor below me. We cleaned each other up before returning inside to the others.
It was not truly what I wanted to hear but it would do for now. You had your love for Kay and I had your love as Carrie. The only problem with it was I was becoming Carrie even to myself. I played Carrie to you every time we were alone. It started to become too much for me to handle.
I did not want you to see me as Carrie. I wanted you to see me as Cathy. I struggled with myself over the next five years. I enjoyed all the fun I had with you and Kay during our threesomes. However, that part of me that had become Carrie wanted you all for her. I became dishearten with myself for I wanted to take all the dreams you had given to Kay and Sherri away and make them mine.
I found out by accident that doing coke made me feel better about myself. It eased the pain in my heart knowing I could never have the man I loved more than anything in this world. Even with being Carrie to you, I still did not have all of your love nor was I willing to take it away from Kay and Sherri.
Therefore, I did more coke to ease my pain. I stayed away from you, Kay and Sherri when the pain came. I lied to you all telling you I was with my family when I was really getting wasted a few towns over from here. I thought I could control the drugs however soon the drugs were controlling me.
“John, what I am about to tell you I never meant to happen,” “You must believe me,” I said.
It all came about as Sherri turned sixteen or seventeen. I used to see how she stared at you sometimes. At first, I did not know why. I thought that maybe it was because of the bond you two seem to share. However, it finally came to me one day when the two of you came back from fishing.
Sherri had worn a rather small bikini that day one that showed off her shapely figure as well as her tits and her ass. You were upset with her because she had worn it. I saw in her eyes that she was upset because she had worn it just for you. I knew at the age of sixteen your adoptive daughter had the same look in her eyes as Kay and I had in ours when we looked at you.
Sherri was also at that age where she wanted to know more about you. She wanted to know of your life before you came into theirs. She looked up to you and she enjoyed working with you as you started to teach her the construction business. You also felt it was time she knew the complete story of Carrie and you.
I was against it as something had come over you recently, which was bringing a change over you. Your nightmares of Vietnam had returned stronger than ever before. Your love making to both Kay and I changed. Even when you made love to me as Carrie, it was as if you were no longer John.
That night you told Sherri your story as we sat around the fireplace. I sensed something was not right with you. Your eyes did not have the joy and the sorrow in them as you told her your story. Instead, they filled with hate and rage as you went on with your story. You looked at her with those eyes each time she finished a part of your story.
You finally had enough of her and you asked, “HOW DO YOU know these things and don’t fucking tell me Angel Carrie told you.”
I saw the anger and hate fill your eyes as you glared at her. I went to you and folded my arms in front of myself as I told you to stop it John. Your eyes turned to me and I became Carrie to you which returned calm to you However, Carrie appeared to me in your eyes instead of my own reflection as I stared into your eyes that night..
Kay and I found out later that night that you were battling Malaria, which was still within your system. Something else you had returned home with from Vietnam. The three of us stood by your bed this time when you were in the hospital. Kay and Sherri turning to me for support as they thought I knew this side of you the best.
“I did not John at the time I hardly knew whether I was Cathy or Carrie to myself,” I said watching John type my words.
You once again took on Fate and you beat him once more. You returned home however, you returned troubled at the fact a long forgotten war had reached out and took you once more. Something else was taking shape as well. Your daughter was becoming a woman and she was not afraid to talk back to the man she was in love with and wanted. Sherri wanted to show you that she was stronger than her mom was.
Kay and I talked about the changes coming over you both. I told Kay you needed to get away from all that was happening at home. I suggested just the two of you go somewhere and be alone. I did so for my own good as well. Kay told me that she was afraid to go with you. I asked her why.
“Because my own voices have returned,” Kay said to me.
“We all hear voices Kay,” I replied. I wrapped her in my arms as I added, “It is up to us whether we listen to them or not,” I replied.
Kay asked me if I heard voices as well. I told her I did however; I did not tell her my voices were the words I said to John when I was Carrie to him. I reached into my purse and I took out a small vial of coke and gave it to her.
“Do a small bit of this and the voices will go away,” I said to her.
“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?” John screamed at me as he stopped typing.
For the first time in my life with John, I feared him. He had never looked at me with those eyes of his filled with hate and anger as he did now. I have been with this man for 29 years and never had I feared him as I did now.
Fear paralyzed me as John shook his head and he asked, “Why Cathy?” Why would you do that?”
“Out of my love for you,” I yelled as I broke down into tears.
John reached up and turned his computer off as he replied, “Another love gone wrong, another heart to shatter, welcome to reality, where feelings don’t matter,” before he walked out of his study.
John walked by me without even looking at me. I hung my head down knowing I was not worthy of his comfort. I got up from my seat and grabbed some tissue from his desk as I walked over to the window looking down to the lake.
What had been a lovely sunny day now looked dark and gloomy. Dark gray clouds rolled in blocking the sun light as I grew cold looking out the window. I knew those clouds meant a snowstorm would soon be upon us. I also knew the storm clouds were only beginning for our once happy little family. I had only begun to tell John of my story and wondered if I should continue. I knew if I continued I would only bring more pain into his troubled heart. I looked to the heavens for help or maybe for guidance.
“Please Angel Carrie look after John when he goes to battle snow this night.” “His heart is troubled this night and his mind is clouded and his judgment confused, take him under your wing and give him the comfort none of us seem able to give to him any longer.” “Please return him as I feel we need him more than ever,” I said.
Please excuse the delay in getting this chapter out as it was my fault. I wanted to end this story writing as it has only caused John the man I truly do love great pain. I confronted him about it. I would not allow him to continue his writing. He told me writing helps him to understand himself. He gave me one of his long looks as he added, “Maybe it will help you as well.”
I realized he was right it felt better that I had finally spoken of my true relationship with my brother. It had brought pleasure to me as I told him about falling in love with him. I only can hope I do not drive him away with my next chapter. Please let us know if you are enjoying our story by leaving us your comments. Please do not judge me too harshly for what I have told you I have done. My actions during this time were out of love for a man that only loved me because I reminded him of another.
Cathy
