Introduction:
Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Showtime at Hogwarts!
Disclaimer: Not mine, I own nothing. I’m not making any money.
WARNING: Harsh Language, adult themes, sexual situations (i.e. smut), bad spelling and grammar.
Author’s Notes: This story is a broad farce with over the top humor (a good deal of it is crude and sexual) and OOC actions (that’s Out Of Character if you don’t know). Also, this is my first smut-ish fic. If you don’t like sex and sex-based humor, do NOT read this!
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Harry and Hermione return to the castle.
“Mum, Dad, are you awake?” Hermione asked after softly knocking on her parents’ door. The only response she got was a muffled and utterly exhausted sounding “Muffgirk”noise. “It’s Christmas Morning, well actually Christmas Afternoon,” Hermione explained and then paused. “If you want to be technical about it, it’s actually early evening. Did you two want to get up and exchange presents?”
After a long pause, Hermione’s mother said in a fatigued voice; “Your father and I exchanged gifts already, dear.”
Harry could help but to comment softly in his lover’s ear, “More like they exchanged… ahem, ‘gifts’ a dozen times already.”
“You two go ahead without us,”Richard offered in a half groan. “Would you be a dear and bring up some food?” he requested.
While Hermione prepared two platefuls of ham sandwiches, she began to doubt her plan for spiking the cake with Lust and Stamina Potions. “I think I may have overdone it. I mean we made love until six this morning and yet we could hear them still going at it when we fell asleep.”
“Which normally should be an emotionally scarring experience for most,” commented Harry as he nicked a bit of ham for himself. “But you’re the one that thinks parents having sex is an expression of their love, not the unnatural act that it is.”
“But what if I did them more harm than good?” the brunette asked with a worried warble to her voice. “There is such a thing as too much sex.”
Just then, as if to challenge Hermione’s fears, two sets of voices began to groan loudly from the upstairs room.
“Looks like we shouldn’t take this food up to your folks just yet,” Harry said while gazing at the ceiling. He could almost swear that the light fixture in the kitchen was shaking thanks to Fiona and Richard’s efforts.
Hermione set the two plates down on the countertop, stating, “I guess we should go open our presents now.”
A loud and nearly joyous “Yes!”emanated from upstairs and the groaning quickly stopped.
“That was rather fast,” Hermione said with wide, slightly horror filled eyes.
“Well, to be fair, that was probably their twentieth go, give or take five, so they deserved a quickie,” Harry said, lifting up the two plates.
“You’re not going in there now, are you?” Hermione asked. “They just had sex!”
“You’re barmy,” Harry returned. “I’m going to have you crack the door open just a touch and then I’ll slide the plates in. Mind you, I suggest we have our eyes firmly shut at the time, just in case.”
~*~
Once they had successfully placed the sandwiches in her parents’ bedroom (where Harry had loudly hummed the theme to Mission: Impossible), the young couple opened their gifts to one another. Harry received a pair of leather trousers from Hermione (“to show off your bum,” she explained). Hermione gushed over the books that Harry bought for her (“I only have the first edition of Roderick’s Spell Encyclopedia and I’ve been eyeing this third revision for some time!”).
Hermione’s smile quickly faltered once all the presents had been opened. With guilty eyes, she said apologetically “You got me two gifts, this book and those lovely toys, but I only got you one gift.”
“To be honest, I enjoyed the toys, too,” offered Harry. Then he realized that he could use Hermione’s guilt to his advantage. “Although there is one way you can even the score, so to speak.”
“And what would that be?” she asked with a saucy grin, clearly knowing where Harry was going.
“Well, we’ve haven’t had sex in akitchen,” Harry said as if it was a curious thing to not have done yet.
“And my parents are out of commission, so we won’t be interrupted,” added Hermione.
“I have to fetch something from your room first,” began Harry.
“A toy?” she asked with her voice full of hope.
“Yes, a toy.”
“Which one? The beads again? The infamous Rorschach Branded Rubber Chicken? Oh, oh, the gag; please say the gag,” the brunette rapidly said in naked excitement.
“No, none of those. I was thinking about one we haven’t used yet,” Harry answered.
“There’s still more toys?” she asked and began to hop in place.
“Yes, a few more,” Harry couldn’t help but smile. “Now you go in the kitchen and get yourself ready while I get the toy.”
As Hermione bolted to the kitchen, Harry purposefully took his time retrieving the toy he had in mind. He wanted to play with his lover’s patience. When he walked in the kitchen after retrieving the toy, he noticed that while Hermione was waiting for him, she was still fully clothed.
“I thought you were going to get ready?” he asked.
“I was waiting for you,” she said, and then added “I didn’t want to start without you.”
“Well, then, it looks like I’ll just have to do all the work and get you prepared myself,” Harry said with a wide smile. He rooted around the drawers in the kitchen until he found a quilted oven-mitt. “Now bend over the counter,” he ordered while slipping on the mitt.
Because of the mitt’s protective padding, it took more effort than normal in his paddling to turn Hermione’s bottom a nice shade of red. But thanks to the quilting, it left a rather fetching pattern on her bum cheeks.
Now the toy that Harry used was quite unique, and Hermione thoroughly enjoyed it. The toy itself was a rubber ring with a small rubber troll standing on the top of it. The toy, being magical, did a wonderful thing: it moved. Now it didn’t do a dance or fly around the room or anything showy like that. But when the ring was in use, the troll would gently grab a certain small protrusion and vibrate. If extra description is needed, then please continue and read the next line; if not, please skip to the next paragraph. Harry placed the ring so that it was around the base of his first ever friend, ‘Harry, Jr.’, and when he entered ‘Miss Nibbles’ completely the animated troll promptly took hold of Hermione’s clitoris and began to shake and vibrate. Every time he pulled back, the troll tugged slightly at Hermione’s clit. And when he pushed back in, the magical toy snatched up her sensitive bud once again. This action was repeated, to great effect, with each thrust.
~*~
On Boxing Day, when she and her husband were finally able to stagger out of their room, Fiona announced to Harry and Hermione; “We need to have a talk.”
“Yes, mum,” Hermione answered with her best “I’d never do anything wrong because I’m your sweet and innocent little girl” voice.
“You did something with the cake didn’t you?” her father asked as he held an icepack to his groin.
“Um, what makes you think that?”Hermione asked. Her “I’d never do anything wrong because I’m your sweet and innocent little girl” voice was starting to fade a bit. She was such a poor liar.
Harry was trying to do his best at being invisible. He reckoned that the best plan was to be unseen by Hermione’s folks. Mind you, he knew full well that he was about to catch hell, but it would be less damaging to himself if he tried to lie and cover up the fact that the cake had indeed been spiked.
“We may not be magical, but we know that something happened to us after we ate the dessert,” Fiona said. With every word, a smile threatened to destroy her angry mask. Harry could tell that she was upset over the incident, but she was also damn pleased with it as well.
“Ah, well, to be honest, we did add something to it,” admitted Hermione. Harry was about to chuck his plan to stay silent out the window and point out that he had nothing to do with it. But he knew it would be bad form to rat out his girlfriend. Especially since the repercussion of said “ratting out” would include Hermione denying him sex for quite some time.
“And did that something cause your father and I to do something?” Fiona asked and Richard added in an undertone”Over and over and over.”
“Yes,” Hermione squeaked.
Fiona nodded her head sagely. “Well, we can only blame ourselves really.”
“Yes,” Richard agreed. “Wait — what?”
“We have been far too strict on the two of you,” Fiona continued with a sparkle evident in her eyes.
“We have?” Richard asked his wife, obviously surprised by this revelation.
“Yes, we agreed to ease up on our restrictions,” answered Fiona.
“We did? When did we do that?” he demanded. It was clear that he was unwilling to cut Harry any slack when it came to Hermione.
“Early Christmas morning,” Fiona stated. “Around four in the morning.”
“I don’t remember agreeing to anything,” Richard protested.
Fiona leaned close to her husband and whispered in his ear. After amoment, he objected, “That’s not fair. I’d have agreed to anything at that point. Especially when you do that!”
“Regardless, you agreed so we are going to give Hermione and Harry a little more freedom,” Fiona continued. The young lovers smiled happily. But Fiona was not smiling as she continued. “But not too much freedom. We’ll allow you two to hold hands and kiss lightly. But. We. Will. Allow. Nothing. Further.” She said firmly. “No hugging, no snogging, and definitely no sex while you’re under our roof.”
Harry knew that Fiona was ignoring the fact that she and her husband were holed up in their room for nearly two days and was obviously deluding herself by pretending that her daughter and Harry did not have sex during that time. But it was also clear that Fiona had truly enjoyed being holed up in her room, so she could ignore whatever had happened during that same period.
“I still don’t agree,” Richard said with a frown. “My previous statement agreeing to allow this situation doesn’t count, I was under duress at the time.”
Fiona leaned into her husband’s ear and whispered once more. After a moment, Richard, who was still frowning, announced; “All right, I agree to what your mother said.”
~*~
The remainder of the holiday was far less stressful for Harry and Hermione. The witch’s parents’ held true to their word and allowed the young couple to hold hands and kiss chastely. Of course Richard would still glower at Harry when they did this, but it was still better than having Hermione’s dad threaten to eviscerate him.
When the time came to return to Hogwarts, Harry and Hermione arrived early to Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. They stored their things in a compartment and then made their way to the Head car for the Prefects’Meeting. After the train started moving, the Prefects joined Harry and Hermione in the car. Ron waved at his friends before sitting down.
“I tell you I can’t wait to get back to school,” the fifth year Hufflepuff Prefect announced once everyone had sat down.
“That’s the spirit,” Hermione congratulated him for his eagerness to begin learning.
“My parents were so-o-o depressing,”the Hufflepuff continued.
“Yours too?” a sixth year Ravenclaw asked.
“My Mum and Dad weren’t depressed,”a Gryffindor interjected. “They were too busy preparing for some attack that never came to be depressed.”
“What are you on about?” asked Hermione.
“Oh, our parents are paranoid,”someone offered.
“To say the least,” agreed another.
“My Mum and Dad even had a guard schedule set up,” yet another chimed in. “He’d take the ten pm to four amshift and then she’d take over so he could sleep.”
“Why were they doing that?” Hermione asked.
“They’re afraid,” Harry answered. He had yet told Hermione of what he had saw and heard while in Diagon Alley.
“Terrified is more like it,” some witch corrected.
“My Mum was so scared that we’d be attacked by giants or Death Eaters that she was losing clumps of hair.”
“But you’re in Slytherin,” another student asked. “Why would Death Eaters attack you?”
“That doesn’t mean me or my family works for You Know Who, you ninny.”
“But why would they be afraid?”asked Hermione. “Over a hundred Death Eaters were just chucked into Azkaban.”
“A hundred out of how many?” someone asked, echoing the fear that Harry had heard from a frightened wizard in the Leaky Cauldron.
“No giants were captured either,”another added. “You Know Who still has them.”
“It’ll be great to be back in the castle. At least there, no one frets obsessively over the war.”
“And I’ll get to see my witch again,” someone added cheerfully. “I haven’t seen her in days.”
“Once me and my bloke get the chance, I’m dragging him into the nearest cupboard,” another said with agenuine smile.
“Well, you’ll have to find another cupboard ’cause I’ll be using it to ravish my girl.”
“No, that just means you’ll have to budge over,” someone said with an easy chuckle. “I figure all the cupboards will be jammed pack tonight.”
As the conversation became lighter, Hermione gave Harry a worried look. Clearly she was concerned over the outlook of the war.
~*~
Once the meeting had concluded, the Prefects began to shuffle out of the car. Ron trotted up to Harry and Hermione.
“I have news that you won’t believe”the red head announced somberly.
Hermione and Harry waited for Ron to tell them this news, but the gangly wizard turned and headed to the door.
“Wait, what’s the news?” asked Harry.
“Oh, I’ll tell you later,” Ron said. “Luna said she wants to do it in the lavatory and I don’t want to keep her waiting.”
With that, Harry and Hermione were left alone in the compartment.
“Why are people so upset?” she asked. “They should be overjoyed that so many Death Eaters were captured. We performed the Morgy Ritual to give them hope.”
“It seems like they’re too afraid to see that hope,” offered Harry.
Hermione shook her head. As a good boyfriend should, Harry turned Hermione’s attention away from such a troubling topic by suggesting, “Let’s do it.”
“Oh, how romantic,” Hermione said as sarcastically as she could.
“I’m not talking about romance,”Harry countered. “I’m talking about lifting up your blouse, pressing your bare titties against the window, and shagging you from behind.”
“That means if anyone is watching the train pass, they’d be able to see my breasts up against the window,” the brunette witch pointed out.
One should notice that she “pointed” this fact out and that she didn’t object to it. This is important, because less than five minutes later, Hermione had her naked breasts squashed up against the window while shouting “Fuck me, Harry, fuck me HARDER!” (Thankfully, Harry had placed a Silencing Charm on the compartment so that they wouldn’t draw a crowd. That was a bigger threat than normal since Harry had purposefully left the door unlocked, adding to Hermione’s arousal with the threat of being walked in on.)
~*~
A satisfied and tussled looking Harry and Hermione walked through the train to find their friends. As they passed through car after car, the couple noticed a majority of their peers were just as satisfied and tussled looking as they were.
When the duo finally reached their friends’ compartment, they found Ron sitting with Luna and Neville, but no sign of Ginny.
“You two won’t believe what happened,” Ron declared when Harry and Hermione entered.
“Ronald, I think Neville should be the one to tell them,” Luna (whose hair was so tussled that it looked like she recently had her head hanging outside of the moving train) said. The blonde fixed her eyes on Hermione and said in a dreamy fashion, “Oh, by the way, Hermione, I saw your breasts again when Harry had you against the window. Ronald had me dangling out of the lavatory window, and when the tracks turned I got a good view of your boobs.”
“That’s nice,” Hermione said dismissively, clearly not concerned over this revelation. “So what’s the news, Neville?”
“Ginny and I are married,” Neville answered with just a touch of embarrassment.
“So Molly found out Ginny was pregnant?” asked Harry.
“Wait, you knew she was pregnant? And you didn’t tell me?”demanded Ron. His face was quickly growing red with anger. “I’m your best mate and she’s my sister and you didn’t tell me?”
“They probably didn’t tell you because they knew this was how you’d react, Ronald,” Luna said to her husband. She then turned back to Hermione and complimented; “You do have lovely breasts. Would you like to see mine? It’s only fair after all.”
“I’ve already seen them,” Hermione pointed out.
“Hey, I’m still upset here,” Ron persisted.
“Yes, Ronald, but you shouldn’t be,”Luna said and then added to the other witch; “But I just saw your breasts, and I’m a strong believer in fair play.”
“It’s quite alright,” insisted Hermione.
“I have a right to be upset,” Ron carried on.
“No, you really don’t, my love. Harry and Hermione knew that you would take the news badly, so they logically didn’t tell you. Honestly, they were protecting you,” the blonde said off-handedly before returning to her conversation with Hermione. “I’ll feel terrible if I don’t show you my breasts.”
“If she really wants to, I say why not,” offered Harry as he tried to coyly position himself next to Hermione in the off chance that Luna would show her boobs.
“Harry,” warned Hermione.
“He does have a point,” Neville said as he, too, stood next to Hermione to enhance his chance at an unobstructed view.
“All right, fine,” Hermione said with a huff. “Whip them out.”
Smiling broadly, Luna popped open her blouse letting her enormous breasts spring free (Harry could’ve sworn he heard two “boing” sounds – one for each boob).
“My God,” Neville began.
“They’re,” continued Harry.
“Huge,” concluded Hermione.
“Have you three had enough of ogling my wife?” Ron demanded.
“Not just yet,” Harry said. Neville held up his index finger as if to say to Ron that he needed just one more moment. Of course, during this interchange, Harry, Hermione, and Neville had been staring wide-eyed at the blonde’s chest. Luna stood there, happy as a clam while three of her friends were transfixed with her melons.
“They are fascinating,” commented Hermione. “I’m not into women in the slightest, but I can’t help but stare.”
“Not really into women, huh?” Harry whispered in her ear so that she was the only one to hear. Of course, his eyes were still glued to Luna’s ample mounds. “That wasn’t the case when we performed the Morgy Ritual.”
“I told you then, it was just an advanced form of masturbating,” Hermione said in an equally soft voice. She then added, in a louder voice, “Do you see that blue vein on her left tit…”
“This one,” Luna said while pointing to her own breast.
“No, the one a few inches above it,”Hermione corrected and Luna moved her finger up. “Yes, that’s the one. Doesn’t that look like an outline of a Quidditch goal post?”
“What? Quidditch? Boobs?” Ron said as he pushed his three friends out of the way. While Ron gazed at his wife’s milky flesh, Harry commented internally that all the red head needed now was food and the three things that he loved most in the world would be wrapped up in one.
After everyone had gotten a good long look, Luna finally pushed and squeezed her mounds back into the confines of her blouse. A few minutes later, after everyone regained their composure, Ron (who was much calmer now) brought up his sister’s pregnancy again.
“So, the day after we get home, Ginny pukes at the breakfast table,” Ron began, still wiping the drool off of his mouth with the back of his hand. “Mum grabs her by the ear and hauls her to the bathroom. Apparently, she had already figured it out but she wanted to run a few pregnancy test charms on Ginny just to be sure. And when Mum got the results, boy was she mad.”
“Speaking of which, you no longer seem that upset that Harry and Hermione didn’t tell you about Ginny,” Neville pointed out. “Why is that?”
“My breasts have a calming effect on Ronald,” explained Luna. “That was one of the reasons I wanted to expose myself.”
“Just one of the reasons?” asked Neville.
“Yes, for another, I like exposing myself,” Luna answered honestly. “It’s rather fun. And another reason is I like to give the girls a breath of fresh air every once in a while. It’s not good to keep them confined like ahard shelled-marlwomp.”
“Anyway, Mum starts shouting and wailing,” continued Ron. “She demands to find out who the father is and Ginny tells her.”
“Let me guess, Molly forced Neville to marry Ginny,” assumed Hermione.
“No, it was my idea,” Neville answered. “Mrs. Weasley fire-called my Gran and demanded we head over to the Burrow. I pretty much knew that Ginny’s secret had been revealed. So I decided to do the right thing and ask her to marry me right when I got there. Thankfully she said yes a second before her mum shouted ‘Damn right you will marry him, Ginevra. My grandchild will not be abastard!'”
“It was the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen,” Luna said in an extra dreamy way. “They had the wedding a few minutes later. Everyone was still in their pajamas and the vicar was in his bathrobe. Molly had floo’d over to his house and practically dragged him out of the shower for the ceremony.”
“How’d your grandmother handle it?”Harry asked the new groom.
“Surprisingly well,” Neville answered. “I think she was afraid that she was going to die before she got any great-grandkids.”
“Where’s Ginny now?” Hermione asked.
“The train ride made her so sick before that her dad got a Muggle auto from the Ministry and is driving her up to school.”
“That’ll take a while,” Harry said.
“Yeah but using the floo would be awful for her and I’m not even going to think about how bad the Knight Bus would be,” Neville commented.
“I take it Molly is still furious?”asked Hermione.
“Just a little; I think she’s excited about the baby but she won’t admit it,” Luna said.
“Yeah, and she spent a whole night yelling at Charlie, Bill, Fred and George. If Percy wasn’t such a prat and had been there, she would’ve yelled at him, too,” Ron said with a chuckle. “She said that they were dragging their feet in bringing her grandbabies. You should’ve heard how she moaned that she never thought Ginny would be the first one to be a parent and then yelled at my brothers for not doing their jobs. She hollered at Bill for not knocking up Fleur yet and even offered him some Fertility Charms. ‘I have one that makes the witch ovulate. Don’t make me cast it on Fleur when you’re not looking,'” Ron said in a high voice, apparently trying to imitate his mother (which he did poorly). “Then she screamed at Charlie and the twins for not even being married. George pointed at me and tried to throw me into the flames so to speak. ‘He’s married,’ George said, ‘yell at him.’ Mum cuffed him around the side of the head for that; hit him so hard she nearly took his ear clear off his head. ‘Luna, the dear,'” Ron began again in his dreadfully poor high voice.
“She did; she called me ‘dear’,” Luna said while beaming proudly.
“‘Luna, the dear, has another full school year after this one,’ Mum said. ‘You can’t expect her to have a baby while at school.'”
“Speaking of that, what’s Ginny going to do next year?” asked Harry.
“Well, she’s probably going to take the year off,” Neville said. “So she can take care of the baby. Me, my Gran and Ginny’s mum have offered to take help out so she can go back to school, but we’ll see what happens.”
“You do realize this means we’ll have to throw a baby shower,” Luna said with a happy smile. “Everyone’s invited.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, but I’m busy that night,” Harry said immediately.
“We haven’t set a date yet, Harry,”Luna pointed out.
“Yeah, I know. I’m just saying I’ll be busy doing something then,” Harry said with absolutely no subtlety. He had no intention of hanging around witches as they gushed over concepts like dirty nappies and stretch marks. “I don’t know what this thing is that I’ll be doing yet, but I know it will be vitally important and that I can’t go to the shower.”
“Whatever he’s doing, I’m with him,”Ron added.
“Yes, I’m sure I’ll need help in whatever it is that I’ll be doing,” Harry agreed.
~*~
Back at the castle and after supper, Seamus, Parvati, and Lavender walked up to Harry.
“Hey, mate, welcome back,” Seamus said, and added in a serious manner; “we need to talk.”
“What is it?” asked Harry.
“You’re in trouble,” Lavender answered.
“Why, that’s unusual,” Harry said lightly. “I’ve never been in trouble before. Let’s see; does an instructor want me dead? Or could it be the most feared dark wizard has put a price on my head?”
“No, we mean it,” Parvati said. “We’ve heard some pretty disturbing things over the holiday.”
“Go on,” Harry said. He was expecting that the three would say that the people outside of Hogwarts were acting frightened.
“We stayed in the castle this year because the three of us wanted to spend some time together,” began Seamus, completely countering Harry’s assumption that they were going to tell him about the state of the world outside. “Anyway, Malfoy has it in for you.”
“Yes, I know,” stated Harry.
“No, not like he used to have it in for you where he’d tried to get you expelled or the like,” Lavender corrected. “I mean he fancies you.”
“We got that impression before we left for the holiday,” Hermione said with a bemused smile. “It was obvious by the way Draco kept eyeing Harry.” She continued, clearly enjoying the fact that this topic made Harry squirm in his seat.
“Well, we kind of made it worse,”Seamus admitted sheepishly.
“What did you do, you little bastard?” Harry demanded angrily. He already had enough problems with Draco and didn’t need anymore.
“You see, we were just talking to him on Boxing Day and asked why he thought he was in love with you,” Parvati spoke with apprehension. “It turns out he had some sort of nervous breakdown shortly after he and Snape escaped after… well at the end of last year. He was amess and there were rumors that You Know Who was going to order his execution. Draco then told us he saw that Daily Prophet article way back during the summer holiday where you were at Ron’s brother’s wedding and said that you loved Draco.”
“That was a misprint,” Hermione interjected.
“We know that,” Lavender said gently. “But Draco thought it was true. He became so inspired that he escaped. Fought his way to freedom and all that tosh. And now that he’s back here at school, he wants to be, you know,with you,” she concluded with an extra emphasis on the phrase ‘with you’ as if to drive home the fact she was using a euphemism for “he wants to stick his erect penis up your rectum.”
“But I’m not gay,” Harry objected.
Seamus suddenly became chipper and said, “Believe me, we know,” as he nudged his elbow into Harry’s ribs. “We saw the Pensieves, you kinky sod.”
“Did you tell him about Harry and me?” Hermione asked.
“Oh yes, some of the other students chimed in as well. A bunch of us were telling him about those Pensieves,” Lavender answered. “So it wasn’t just the three of us but everyone who stayed over the holiday tried to tell him the truth.”
“And he didn’t believe you?” asked Harry. He was slightly surprised to notice that he wasn’t embarrassed or concerned about talking so openly about the Pensieves that most of his peers had seen. Either he was no longer ashamed over that fiasco or he was just more worried about Draco.
“We even told him you were the MPL,” Lavender said as if the initials meant something.
“MPL?” asked Harry.
“Master Pussy Licker,” the blonde witch explained. Harry shrugged his shoulders in acceptance; it was a better moniker than “The Boy Who Lived.” At least he earned the name Master Pussy Licker.
“He said that you were just confused, Harry,” Parvati said. “He then said that he’d show you what love truly meant.”
“Obviously, he’s still delusional from his breakdown,” speculated Hermione. “He must have built up this fantasy world centered on you, Harry, and won’t accept the fact that you’re not in love with him.”
“Just great,” muttered Harry. He thought to himself that this situation couldn’t get much worse.
“Then Seamus made it even worse,”Lavender said with shame. Harry groaned pitifully.
“I didn’t mean to,” Seamus weakly defended himself.
“What did you do?” demanded Harry.
“It was an honest mistake,” Seamus continued. “I was just trying to tell him how ‘not gay’ you are.”
“He said to Draco ‘The only way you’d ever get Harry is to tie him down and bugger him,'” Parvati stated.
“Then Draco said that was a splendid idea and he’d do just that,” Lavender added.
“For the love of God!” screeched Hermione. “You challenged a mentally unstable wizard to anally rape my boyfriend?”
“It was an accident,” the Irish wizard said, stepping away from the angry witch.
“I don’t think Malfoy will really rape Harry,” offered Parvati. “Ever since sixth year, he’s been nothing but a spineless twat.”
“Mind you, I think he’ll try everything short of tying you down to sway you,” warned Lavender.
“Is there anyway to transfigure my pants into iron?” Harry asked as he scanned the Great Hall looking for Draco.
~*~
While they walked to their chambers, Harry kept looking around frantically. He was deeply, deeply concerned that Draco might hop out of the shadows, while very naked and very aroused, to tackle Harry.
“What do you think my Mum did to get my Dad to accept her terms over the holiday?” Hermione asked, clearly trying to ease Harry mind and distract him. “I mean he was adamant about us not even brushing up against each other. But then Mum whispered in his ear and he automatically agreed to allow us to hold hands.”
“She offered to let him bugger her,”Harry replied while still eyeing every shadow suspiciously.
“What makes you think that?”
“I reckon that since you got your bum from her, the two of you like the same things.”
“Oh,” she uttered in acceptance. Then Hermione stopped walking, and her expression and voice turned angry. “You were looking at my mother’s bottom?”
“Yes,” Harry said without guilt. “It’s a rather attractive bum.”
“You cheeky bastard, you ogled my Mum’s bottom,” Hermione snapped. “How could you do that? I mean, she’s my mother!”
“Well, I did say that you got your glorious bottom from her. And I was using her posterior as a comparison of time,” Harry said with a crooked smile. “And judging by how well you Mum’s bottom has held up, I think it’ll be glorious for a good long time to come.”
“You think my bum’s glorious?”Hermione said with a glow to her cheeks – her upper cheeks mind you. Although, Harry assumed that the glow in Hermione’s upper cheeks meant that the witch wanted to be spanked so that her lower cheeks would glow as well.
The wizard stepped up to his witch and slipped his hands into her robes. His palms glided over her belly, around her back, and down passed her skirt. Then, with time honed skills gained by playing with her bottom, Harry slid his hands under her skirt and massaged her bum.
“You’re not wearing your knickers,”Harry said. This drew the attention of ‘Harry, Jr.’. The organ pressed against his trousers and was shouting, “Let me see! I wanna see knickerless-Hermione for myself!”
“They’re in your pocket, remember,” Hermione said and pushed her hips against his. “After we shagged in the train, I gave them to you as a memento.”
“Oh, yeah,” Harry said. His right hand left her bottom and retrieved the lacy garment from his robe pocket.
Once again, Hermione pushed her hips into Harry, this time grinding her body against his.
“You keep doing that and I’ll take you right here in the hallway,” Harry half threatened, half hoped.
“Promise?” she asked while still rubbing herself on him.
“That’s it, I’m going to push you on the ground and have my way with you,” Harry warned playfully. “Of course you’ve been rather vocal lately, not that I mind in the slightest, but if I’m going to shag you in the middle of the hall I don’t want to attract attention to us.”
“You can always gag me,” offered Hermione.
“Hot damn, you’re kinky,” cheered Harry as he momentarily lost his composure. After regaining his cool, he slipped back into character. “It’s a shame that the ball-gag is in my trunk,” he paused and theatrically held up Hermione’s knickers. “However, I do have these.”
“Oh, that’s dirty,” Hermione said, or rather what she had apparently wanted to say. Harry was uncertain because the moment she had opened her mouth and said “Oh,”he placed the edge of her knickers into her mouth, effectively silencing her.
While both were blushing madly, Harry continued to stuff the undergarment in Hermione’s mouth. And while he stuffed, Hermione had straddled his leg and was rubbing her naked flower on his trousers. Once Harry had successfully pushed the knickers in her mouth, Hermione began to pull down his zipper.
“I know you two have grown into exhibitionists extraordinaire, but you should really get a room,” a familiar voice suggested from behind Harry and Hermione. They turned and saw Courtney, the Auror in training, standing a few feet away from them. In a panic, Hermione tugged her knickers out of her mouth. “Hot damn, you’re kinky, Hermione,” congratulated Courtney.
“I swear to God they’re clean,”Hermione explained desperately as she shoved the garment into her pocket.
“Yes, but you’re not, you dirty little witch,” Courtney said, her tone indicating it as a flattering remark while a naughty grin appeared on her lips.
“Uh, Courtney, what are you doing here? I thought your tour of guarding the castle was up?” asked Harry, hoping that his question would direct attention away from what he and Hermione were just doing.
“I volunteered for another tour just so I could see things like what you were just doing,” the Auror in training replied. “Now turn her around, hike up her skirt, and give her a spank. I just know she has to like it.”
“Um, so why’d you volunteer?” Harry asked, hoping to divert the conversation.
“I just told you,” she returned. “Give her a whack.”
“I was being serious,” Harry pressed.
“So was I,” Courtney said. “It’s so bad out there in the real world. You kids in here aren’t terrified of your own shadow. You lot are loving and living, not like the people outside. I just needed to come back here, to reaffirm life, if you know what Imean?”
“Is it really that bad?” asked Hermione.
“Yeah, it’s pretty horrible,”replied Courtney with a frown. “People only leave their homes for work and nothing else. They’ve barricaded their windows and spend their nights in fear.”
“That’s horrible,” Hermione muttered.
“And that’s why I had to come back here,” Courtney continued. “It was so bad that they were starting to drag me down with them. I came to the castle because you kids aren’t like that. I mean, out there, you won’t see folks shoving their knickers into their mouths, no sir.”
Hermione turned a brilliant red. Trying to recover some dignity for his girlfriend, Harry lied “We’re not like that. It was just a, um, joke. A fluke really, if you must know.”
“Bullshit,” challenged Courtney. “I heard about the Pensieves. So I know that you two are kinky enough to be shoving each others underwear in your mouths.”
“You know about the Pensieves?”Hermione asked.
“Yeah I know about them. But I didn’t see them so I feel all sorts of left out,” Courtney said. “I know; you can make me feel better by giving her a whack right here!’
“No,” Harry said flatly.
“Why not?” asked Courtney.
“Despite everything you’ve heard, we’re not exhibitionists,” explained Harry.
“Aw, you two are no fun,” pouted Courtney. “Well I suppose I’ll just have to go to that bloke who can draw well, I think his name is Dean, and have him make some sketches of what he saw in those Pensieves for me. Ta-ta,” she waved goodbye and skipped away from the young couple.
“Do you suppose it’s true?” asked Hermione after Courtney disappeared around the corner.
“What, about being exhibitionists?”Harry asked then answered. “Yeah, Iguess so. Otherwise I reckon we would still be upset over the notion of having everyone see us being intimate through those Pensieves. And then I had your naked titties pressed against the window a few hours ago, basically showing everyone the train passed by your boobs. So, yeah, we are exhibitionists.”
“We also willingly made an instructional Pensieve for Ron and Luna,” Hermione added. “But that wasn’t what I was asking about,” she corrected. “I was wondering if she was right about everyone being terrified.”
“Yeah, she was,” Harry answered. “I meant to tell you, when Iwent shopping the other day, I saw a lot of people and they were exactly how Courtney described. And when I spoke to Alicia, she mentioned that no body had been in her shop for days because no one’s buying anything.”
“That’s awful,” Hermione said with sorrow. “I can’t wait for this war to be over. But for now,” she paused and pulled her knickers out of her pocket.
Picking up on her cue, Harry snatched the knickers out of her hand and slowly pushed them back into her open mouth. Next, he bent her over, tossed up her robes and skirt to expose her bare bottom, and gave it a swat. Hermione moaned playfully as Harry rubbed the red spot on her bum. The witch let out amuffled shout when he swatted her bum twice in a row. Harry was about to deliver another spank when he heard someone clapping in a slow and deliberate manner.
“That’s really a nice bottom, Hermione,” congratulated Courtney as she continued to applaud. Apparently, as Harry and Hermione were getting prepared, the Auror in training had silently doubled back and was now leaning against the wall a few feet away, watching the show.
“Tkint oop,” Hermione mutter through her knickers.
“She said ‘thank you,'” translated Harry. He surprised himself by not trying to cover Hermione’s naked bum. Of course, Hermione didn’t try to cover herself up either.
“May I?” Courtney asked while looking at Hermione’s bottom.
“Be my guest,” Harry said and stepped to the side, surprising himself once more. It seemed to Harry that Courtney was right; he and Hermione had become exhibitionists.
Courtney brought her hand down on the brunette’s backside with a resounding smack. “Nice and firm. Do you work out?”
“Ekz tha ksklez,” gagged-Hermione replied with obvious pride. “Halk tha skaits moot ah guk werthaut.”
“She said ‘it’s the castle, all the stairs make a good workout,'” again, Harry translated. “But I think it’s genetics as well,” he added. “Her mum has a splendic bum, too.”
Courtney gave Hermione another hard swat and said; “That was fun. You two can carry on now.”
As she walked away, Harry asked the Auror in training “Are you leaving for sure this time?”
“Nah, I was going to hide in the shadows and watch you shag her if you don’t mind,” she replied and walked into a dark alcove.
“Fine, just keep an eye out for Draco,” requested Harry.
“Gotcha,” Courtney said. “I don’t know who Draco is, but I’ll put up aDo Not Disturb Ward in the hall. That’ll make anyone turn around and walk away if they approach. Now get on with the sex, I’m impatient.”
“Damn, we’ve grown kinky,” Harry said to Hermione.
“Yek, eev hak,” agreed Hermione before Harry gave her another good spank.
As they proceeded to give a show, Courtney was unseen but not unheard.
“Are you using your legendary Parsletongue magic?” she asked as Harry worked on Hermione’s flower.
“Yes-s-s, I am,” he replied in Parsletongue. He then added with pride;”This-s-s is-s-s why I’m called the Mas-s-ster Pus-s-s-s-sy Licker.”
“Oh, that must tickle,” Courtney noted.
A few minutes later, as Harry and Hermione progressed, Courtney began giving helpful hints from her dark hiding place.
“Harry, grab her bum. That’s it, dig your fingers in. And Hermione, why don’t you give his nipple atwist. Good girl.”
And;
“When you’re all the way down, grind your hips into his, honey.”
Also;
“Nibble on his ear. Oh, wait, you can’t with those knickers in your mouth. Okay then, you nibble on her ear, Harry.”
Then as Harry was clearly about to finish, Courtney asked “Are you going to cum in her or on her?”
“What – ah- do you – oh -suggest?” he grunted.
“Good porn always ends with the bloke cumming on the girl,” she said. “That’s my boy,” she cheered as he fulfilled her request. “Now rub it in her skin.”
As the two lovers were catching their breath, Courtney sauntered up to the half-naked pair. “You make a really funny face when you cum, you know that?” she asked Harry.
“So I’ve been told,” he replied.
“Here you go,” she said handing aballed up item to the wizard. “You can add it to your collection.”
As she walked away, Harry unfolded the ball Courtney had given him to find that it was a pair of pink silk knickers.

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