Going Home
Introduction:
no sex at all in this one
Going Home: Stepping From The Mist
Alex slowly, ever so slowly, crawled forward; he couldn’t see his target yet, but he could hear him and smell the cigarette smoke. He knew that whoever this man was, he was alone and he was in Alex’s way; it would take too long to circle around and cross the small river up stream, so this man had to die. He knew that this was an innocent, a noncombatant, but he had no choice; he only had eighteen more hours to reach his target and he couldn’t wait this man out any longer. He continued to move, the man unaware of his presence and the jungle uncaring that he was here; Alex had spent much of his adult life in jungles just like this and he understood them, knew what would upset the creatures around him and knew how to become part of his environment.
He belonged in this primitive place, he was as at home here as he was in his small cabin in the states; it didn’t happen often to white men but it happened to him, the jungle and the wild creatures that called this dark foreboding place home, had accepted him as one of their own. It hadn’t always been this way, there was a time when he was a normal man, a time when he had a home, and a family, and even a name – but no longer. He no longer belonged in the company of his species, no longer belonged with the civilized, no longer belonged with the living; he was a shade, a ghost trapped between life and death and he hated the living as much as he hated the dead that visited him every night.
Alex, and that wasn’t even his real name, not the name his mother had given him; he had a name once but he had forgotten it, well not forgotten but left it behind. That name was a part of his past life, a life he had walked away from because it rejected what he had become; when he left that life behind he left behind all the things that it contained: his name, his friends, and his family. Of all the things lost to him, the only thing he missed was his family; his mother and sisters that he had not written, called, spoken to, or seen in nearly a decade – it was hard to see their faces now, behind the fog of time.
Alex froze, stopping his snail like movements when he saw the bluish grey smoke rise above the small bush ahead of him; whoever this intruder into his world was, the fact that he was smoking proved he didn’t belong here and that would ensure his death. Alex felt no sympathy for the man, no empathy, only remorse for what this man’s death would do to him; this man shouldn’t have come here and if Alex didn’t end his life, some other creature of the jungle would. This primordial world didn’t treat it’s visitors with hospitality, didn’t welcome guests, and here the price of trespassing was death. Alex saw the man stand and use his nearly spent cigarette to light the next one he would smoke, he knew instinctively it was time; Alex stood and fired two quick rounds from his suppressed weapon, the only sound was the quiet metallic cough, as the two rounds left the muzzle of his weapon, and the two wet smacks that were so close together as to almost be the same sound, as the rounds struck the man’s head.
Whoever this had been, he died quickly, so quickly in fact that it took a moment for his body to catch up and let his corpse fall softly to the rotting jungle floor; Alex walked over and grabbed the man, flipping him over to see who he had been, after all it was only polite to see the face of the newest member of the legion of dead that visited him in his sleep. Alex sighed when the human shaped lump of meat rolled over and he saw what was left of the thing’s face, a ragged gaping and bloody hole bordered by the man’s lower teeth, eyebrows, and ears – Alex really hated the faceless ones! He grabbed the already decaying refuse and pulled it deeper into the bush, rolling it under a large downed tree and covering it with the moss and sparse grass that grew in this dark wet place. He didn’t worry about it being found, the jungle wasted nothing and meat didn’t stay in the forest’s larder for very long; by this time tomorrow there would be little left but slick and shiny bones that would quickly sink into decaying morass that served as the ground in this depressing world. Alex sighed and turned, walking back to where it had fallen, stopping for a moment and watching the small scurrying creatures of this place already cleaning up the blood, bone, flesh, and brain tissue that had been deposited on the rotting leaves; they would clean this stain away like an army of primordial maids.
Alex bent over and pulled the things kit and weapon from the soggy mass of leaves and turned to return to where he had dropped his own kit; it was less than fifty yards away and the trip here had taken nearly two hours – the trip back would be much quicker and infinitely less taxing on his aching body and raw nerves. Alex dropped the ancient rifle and ragged pack next to his own nylon and leather kit, a custom job he had made himself and designed specifically for this mission; it would not return home with him, like most of the gear he carried it would be destroyed before he began his return trip. But right now he needed to deal with the dead thing’s small ragged pack; Alex brushed the rotting leaves away from the foul smelling spongy material that passed for dirt here and grabbed his small shovel, digging a three-foot deep hole. He would have to bury the pack because even the jungle couldn’t recycle the metal, glass, and plastic that the artifacts from the world of civilized men were made of. Alex knew he was being sentimental and he should have simply dumped the pack and rusty weapon in the hole and bury it, but he couldn’t help himself; the thing under the fallen tree had been a man once and someone should at least witness it’s passing, it had died and there wasn’t even the sound of a gunshot to herald it’s journey to whatever god these people worshipped. Alex didn’t know if there was a heaven or hell and didn’t really care; but he knew there was alive and there was dead and there was whatever he was. The last shred of humanity in his tortured soul still thought there should be something to mark a human’s passing from the living to the dead and since Alex was the only one here who cared, the job fell to him.
Alex sighed as he snapped the stock off the old rifle and dumped the ruined parts into the hole, not even bothering to unload it; next he opened the pack and dumped it’s contents onto the oily jungle floor and started rifling through the meager contents, tossing them one by one into the hole. There was not much here to mark a life, but he wasn’t done yet; he gave the ratty canvas pack one more look and pulled out a water stained letter. He sighed, knowing he would have to read it, as he tossed the empty pack into the hole with the rest of the meager debris that was the sole remainder of a life and turned his attention to the wrinkled and dirty piece of paper. He froze when he saw the small photograph fall to the jungle floor as he unfolded the ragged dog-eared pages; Alex stared at the small photograph in horror as it landed upright and he saw the happy smiling face and warm brown eyes of a dark skinned little girl staring back at him; his mind was so focused on the pretty little child that he barely noticed the pretty woman kneeling next to her, a proud and happy smile on her face as her dark eyes watched her daughter with love and amusement. Alex’s trembling hand reached down on it’s own and gently grabbed the faded creased photograph and the faces burned themselves into his mind, the faces that would haunt his tortured dreams for more nights then he cared to speculate on, he slowly folded it back into the unread pages of the letter from where it had lay hidden like some terrible trap; Alex tucked the letter containing the terrible picture into the pocket of his shirt and buttoned it closed. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, read the letter now, the picture was almost more than his ravaged psyche could endure; no he would read the letter someday, but not today.
Alex quickly strapped his kit to his back as tears fell unnoticed to the jungle floor, the very jungle floor that now held the evidence of his latest crime. Alex resumed the long walk to the target that had brought him to this terrible place as he contemplated another terrible path, the one he had walked to become the monster he now was. Such a long and horrible trail that had started on a bright and sunny day; he remembered that day as if it just happened, instead of over a decade ago…
He walked out of the yard bosses office, Alex had been working as a lumberjack for over a month and he had enough; enough of the oppressive heat that threatened to boil his brain in his skull, enough of the swarms of mosquitoes that threatened to drain him of blood, enough of the sticky pine pitch that seemed to get everywhere and never washed off, enough of the chainsaw that made him always smell of gasoline and made his arms ache for hours after the long day ended, he had enough! Alex had just quit and tomorrow he would drive into the city and to the recruiter’s office, he didn’t care what branch of the military he joined or what his job would be – anything had to be better than this. He didn’t tell his mother or sisters what he had done, they would freak and cry, try to talk him out of it; but his mind was made up and the next morning he left as usual but instead of driving into the woods, he drove to the city. By lunch he was officially signed up and within a week he would be riding a bus to Parris Island and twelve weeks later he would be a United States Marine; he wasn’t worried about boot camp, he was a child of the woods and had been hunting since he could fire a rifle, his skill with a fire arm rivaled the legends of Bridger and Boone, working as a lumberjack had left him strong and lean, and he was naturally disciplined and able to endure nearly anything.
No, he had only one hurdle that worried him, he still had to tell his mother and sisters, he wasn’t worried about his younger sister Beth, she would just cry and tell him how much she would miss him. No, it was his older sister Samantha, Sam would team up with his mother and scream at him; tell him he couldn’t do this, couldn’t abandon the family. When the guilt trip didn’t work, they would forbid him to go and when that didn’t work they would threaten him with something equally ineffective. No, he was eighteen and he was signed up, there was nothing to be done about it now even if he wanted to. Sometime in the early afternoon he stood at the front door, knowing the three women who had directed his entire life, who had been the core of his existence, were inside and he was afraid to walk through that door, afraid to enter the house that had been his shelter, his refuge all his life. Alex sighed and walked through the door and Beth gave a little surprised shriek as she sat in the living room of the small house and folded laundry, “Alex, what are you doing home so early…are you hurt?”
“No, I’m fine.” Alex replied with a small nervous smile, “Is Mom in the kitchen?”
“Yeah, her and Sam both.” Beth replied slowly, “Alex, what’s going on?”
Alex started down the small hall that opened into the combination kitchen and dining area, then stopped and looked at Beth, “You might as well come with me, no sense in not telling everyone at once.”
“Alex, you’re scaring me…” Beth replied as she stood and took her older brother’s hand, he had been her father figure and she loved him dearly; she was closest to Alex and never even thought of a life without him. They walked into the kitchen, Beth’s small hand in his and stopped when his older sister saw him.
“Alex?” Sam replied, surprised to see him so early in the day, “What are you doing here?”
“I have some news and you’re not going to like it, so just let me get it out before the screaming starts.” Alex replied and instantly received a scowl from his older sister and tears from Beth, his mother said nothing and just gave him a worried look.
“You got fired, didn’t you?” Sam interjected angrily.
“No, I quite yesterday.” Alex replied and almost smiled at her shocked expression, “This morning I drove into the city and signed up with the Marines.”
“What? What kinda fucking joke is this, because it’s not funny Alex.” Sam growled as Beth looked at him in horror.
“Alex…we need you here.” His mother replied quietly, ignoring Sam’s outburst.
“No, you need the money.” Alex replied, “And I’ll make more money in the military. I already have you and Beth signed up as my dependents, and once I’m out of training, you can come join me.”
“Ok.” His mother replied as both he and Sam looked at her, stunned into silence; in fact the only thing he heard was Beth’s quiet sobs as she held to him tightly.
“Ok?” Sam asked as she finally found her voice.
“Sam, Alex is a grown man, and he’s decided it’s time for him to leave and make his way in the world.” Their mother replied sadly, “Alex, I would appreciate any money you can send us, but you made this decision alone, so you leave here alone and no one will be joining you.”
“When do you have to go?” Beth asked in a quiet scared voice.
Alex looked down and knew the hardest part of this whole thing would be saying goodbye to Beth, he had basically raised her; he was the one who bathed her and fed her, changed her diaper, he was the one who sat up with her when she was sick, helped her with her homework when he was bone tired – Beth was just as much his daughter as she was his mother’s, “In a week.”
“I’m going to miss you so much.” Beth replied as she tried to be brave, but Alex could see her lower lip quiver.
Alex turned and hugged her tightly, “I’ll be back, I get ten days leave after basic training and one month a year.”
“It won’t be the same…” Beth started, then stopped as her courage failed and she ran crying from the room, Alex tried to go after her but his mother stopped him.
“She has to get used to you being gone Alex, best to start now.” She said quietly as she gave him a small sad smile.
The week passed quickly and they said their tearful goodbyes at the bus station and Alex watched as Beth sobbed in her mother’s arms as the bus pulled away and felt as if he were abandoning the young girl. Things went quickly from there, before he knew it the trip was over and he was a boot, learning what it meant to be a Marine; he was correct in one thing, basic training presented no problem for him and his excellent marks along with his already impressive skills got him assigned to Recon. He excelled here as well and rank came quickly and soon he was hand picked to become a sniper and that was when his life truly changed. It had been five years since he had left home and his young sister was now a young lady, Sam had been married and divorced in that short time and moved back in with their mother and it looked like her and her young son would be there forever. Alex had done everything he said he would, he sent the majority of his pay to his mother and he was right, it was significantly more than he made as a lumberjack. He spent all his leave at home, spending as much time with Beth as possible, but he noticed that as she grew up, she also grew away from him and it was at this time he first went to war, the first time he had taken life, lost friends, and seen the true horror of his chosen profession. But like everything else he had done, he excelled at it even though it wounded his soul in ways that even time could never heal. He accomplished his missions, sometimes having to do things that would haunt him forever; but his constant success caught the eye of other people.
After two years in hell, he finally came home, and before he left on leave, he was called into his Commander’s office. “Sergeant, this is Mr. White. He has something to speak to you about.” The Colonel stood and walked from the room.
“You have skills young man, very impressive skills.” Mr. White said, breaking the few moments of silence that followed the Colonel’s departure, “I represent an organization that is always looking for people with such skills.”
“CIA?” Alex asked, showing his ignorance and innocence.
“No.” Mr. White replied with an amused smile, “Our little group doesn’t actually have a name.”
“Whatever.” Alex replied with caution, “Why should I want to work for spooks, and don’t even lie to me – I know you’re spooks!”
“Mmm, well we are and we aren’t.” The amused man responded, “What we are is a way for our country to take the fight to our enemies. They don’t play by the rules, so neither do we; which, I’m sure you know, is not something that we want the general public to know; it wouldn’t take long for the conspiracy theorists to turn us into a super secret death squad or something.”
“Isn’t that exactly what you are?”
“What we are is a way for this country to strike back outside of normal channels; no rules or regulations to hamstring us. If you join us, you will be given a mission and the assets you require, how you accomplish that mission is up to you; our job is to shield you from the overzealous lawyers and politicians. Join us and you’ll work, and live, outside of normal society; no borders to get it your way and no laws to regulate your actions.”
“So what’s the catch?” Alex asked, actually contemplating this man’s offer, he had been frustrated many times as he watched a target escape while he was waiting on permission to engage.
“Just one, and it’s a big one.” White replied with a small smile, “If you are to work outside normal civilization, you can’t exist in normal civilization; you have to be a ghost, so of course you have to die.”
Alex actually laughed, “Wow, you really need to work on your salesmanship!”
White joined the young man’s laughter, “Not really of course, but your identity will be erased – you will no longer exist. That means all your friends and family will believe you are dead. If you have someone you can’t live without, we can bring them with you, girlfriend maybe? We know that you aren’t as close to your family as you once were and, trust me, it will just get worse; you are not the same man they knew and they won’t understand you. Why don’t you take a few weeks and think about it, go visit your family and friends – but remember this conversation is classified. Oh, one last thing, if you do this, you will be paid extremely well; you’ll be able to do more for your family than you ever imagined – anonymously of course.” White stood and walked around the desk and handed Alex a folder, “Inside you’ll find paperwork for your leave, a gift for your mother, and a card. The leave is paid and uncharged, consider it a bonus for a job well done; the card has a number on it and if you decide to take my offer, call that number and you’ll receive further instructions.”
“And the gift for my mother?” Alex asked as he looked at the yellowish folder and contemplated his options.
“Mmm, that’s for her and if she decides to tell you what it is, well that’s up to her.” White replied as he reached into his coat and pulled out a thick white envelope, handing it to Alex.
Alex looked up as he took the bulky envelope, having an idea what it contained but asking anyway as he watched White walk to the door, “What’s this?”
“Consider it a bribe!” White laughed in reply as he opened the door and walked out of the room and out of Alex’s life, he would only see the smug man once again and that would be through a rifle scope – but that’s a different story all together! Alex slowly opened the envelope and saw it contained tightly bound stacks of hundred dollar bills, one hundred thousand dollars if the bands around the crisp bills were to be believed.
Alex stopped and dropped his kit, the heat and the weight of his burden were conspiring to sap his strength; he looked up at the nearly shear cliff he would have to climb and knew it would be a challenge with the heavy kit strapped to his back – but he had done worse. Alex sat and as he drank some water and ate a power bar, he could feel the letter burning a hole in his chest; he sighed and dug it out of his pocket, knowing it would weigh on his mind until he read it. Alex slowly unfolded the letter hoping it was either in a language he didn’t know or was so damaged as to be illegible, but the gods had no such mercy this day.
Dear Carlos,
Isabella and I miss you so much, it has only been a few weeks since you
left to find work and my life feels so empty. Please hurry home or bring us to you.
We don’t need much, just you my love. Isabella ask for you every night, asks when
you are coming home. I tell her you are near and thinking of her often, I tell her
that you carry her in your heart as we carry you in ours. But she is young and all
she knows is that she misses her father.
I have included a picture of us at last week’s festival, she had so much fun
and for a little while we forgot the sadness of your absence, but it made the
emptiness for me all the worse when I went to bed and didn’t feel your strong
loving arms around me.
He couldn’t read anymore, this was love, true love, something he had no knowledge of and shouldn’t be allowed to witness; there was no room for love in the grey world of a shade. He saw the letter was dated three weeks ago and sighed; Isabella and Maria…two more lives shattered by his actions, two more ghosts that would walk the crowded halls in his mind, the endless tombs that he had constructed in his soul one grave at a time. Alex sighed, it was time to get to work; he pulled the heavy pack on and adjusted the weight so it wouldn’t pull him off balance and began the long climb up the cliff. He would build his nest at the top; the satellite photos showed that he would have a clear unobstructed view to his target that would be just under two miles farther up the valley.
As he climbed, his mind drifted and another memory, long suppressed, bubbled up from the depths of his past; the disastrous visit with his family that had started him on the road that led here – the side of a mountain in the middle of a god forsaken jungle hunting a man who was actually a bigger monster than Alex.
Alex walked through the front door and announced himself, “I’m home! Anyone here?”
“ALEX!” his mother yelled as she popped through the door to the kitchen, “Why didn’t you call?”
“I thought I’d surprise you.” Alex replied with a smile as he stepped forward and wrapped his mother in a loose embrace, his strong arms easily engulfing her small frame and eliciting a soft laugh from her; it was a sound he remember much too infrequently from his youth, but believed the only sound more beautiful was Beth’s soft giggle.
“Silly boy! I don’t have any food in the house!” His mother laughed as she leaned back and looked into his bright green eyes; her smile fading a touch when she saw something else in those beautiful eyes, something painful and ugly. She dismissed the thought and her smile quickly returned to it’s epic proportions, “Soooo, I was just gonna order pizza…”
“No, I’m taking my favorite family out, somewhere nice!” Alex replied with a slight shake of his head, “Where is everyone?”
“Beth is at school and Sam is at work, it’s the middle of the day you goof! But Tommy is around here somewhere.” His mother replied with a smile as she took his hand and led him into the kitchen and pointed at the old wooden table he had spent so much of his youth at, “Sit!” Alex laughed at the small smiling woman’s command, she may barely be five feet tall and just over a hundred pounds but she was a mother and her force of will would cause the toughest drill sergeant to shake in fear! Alex sat and watched as the tiny woman scooted around the kitchen and quickly returned with two cups of coffee, “So, how long are you staying.”
“Not sure.” Alex replied, not knowing if he should tell his mother about his job offer, “At least a couple of weeks, maybe as long as a month.”
“That’s wonderful!” The older woman exclaimed as she set a mug in front of him and looked into his worried face, “Beth?”
“Yeah, she didn’t write at all last year…” Alex responded quietly and stared into the mug of black liquid as if it held the meaning of life, “I…oh hell…”
“Alex, she’s a teenager!” His mother replied as she sat and looked at him with concern and sympathy, “She has school and friends and…oh yeah, she’s on the cheer squad! Alex, she’s growing up and has a life, a very busy life…but she still loves her big brother.” She paused as she reflected on just how fast her children had grown up and on how unfair it was that her husband had missed all of it; Alex had done his best to fill her dead husband’s shoe’s, but he was just a boy then himself. She looked up at his worried face and tried to be upbeat, “She really loves the phone you sent her for Christmas, she never puts the damned thing down!”
“Yeah well, a teenage girl needs a good cell phone.” Alex replied with a small smile as he looked up and saw how hard his mother was working to stay upbeat and felt like an ass. He smiled brightly, dismissing his thoughts of self pity and continued, “So, how’s Tommy doing, any girlfriends yet?”
“Alex, he’s three!” His mother laughed and as if saying his name summoned the small boy, he wandered into the kitchen and stopped short when he saw the large man sitting at the table. He blinked then ran to his grandmother and climbed into her lap, hiding his face shyly in against her body. The woman laughed and tilted her head down before she spoke softly to the little boy in her lap, “Tommy? This is your Uncle Alex. Do you remember him?”
“Mom, he was barely two the last time he saw me.” Alex laughed as he tried to make himself look smaller as he turned his attention to the small boy, “Hi Tommy, I’m your Mommy’s little brother. It’s ok, I don’t bite!”
“Your Uncle Alex?” Tommy replied softly as he turned his head so he could see the man sitting across from him and his grandmother, “Mommy read me some of your letters.”
“Mmm hmm, she wrote me all about you.” Alex replied with a smile.
Tommy returned his smile and then looked up into his grandmother’s smiling face, “Grams, can I go outside and play?”
“Sure baby, but stay in the backyard and near the house. Ok?” The older woman replied as she brushed the small boy’s hair with her fingers and helped the him climb from her lap, both she and Alex laughing as they watched him run to the back door and disappear outside without ever looking back.
“Looks like a handful.” Alex laughed as he watched the door close behind the small child, “His father still being a shit?”
His mother rolled her eyes and snorted, “It wasn’t bad enough what he did to her when they were married, now he’s telling everyone that Tommy isn’t even his; that Sam cheated on him and got knocked up and that is why he divorced her, why he kicked her out.” His mother sighed and shook her head, “He’s refusing to pay alimony or child support; Sam could give a rat’s ass about the alimony, but she’s pissed about the child support. I told her if it means we never have to see him, well it’s worth it; not like he’s ever actually given her a cent anyway.”
“Maybe I should pay him a little visit…” Alex started to say and was cut off by Sam’s happy voice.
“I think that’s a wonderful idea!” Sam interrupted her little brother as she walked into the kitchen and walked over and scowled at him, “Alex, you’ve been a naughty naughty boy, not telling us you were coming!” Alex raised his eyebrows as a smile slowly crept across her face and she bent down and hugged him tightly, “Alex, I missed you!”
“You missed me?” Alex replied, a little stunned by her show of affection, the last time he was home she did nothing but scowl and put him down; although she did seem much friendlier in the few letters she had sent.
“Not really.” Sam laughed, “But my asshole ex just got arrested for failure to pay child support, so I’m in a good mood.”
Alex sighed, his sister had been a bitch her whole life, but it had gotten worse when he managed to escape not only the crushing depression of his childhood home, but the dead end town as well. She had thawed some when she realized that he was able to send more money home than he could have made working as a lumberjack in this dieing town; and more money combined with his absence, and the loss of the drain he caused on the family finances the money went even farther. When he joined the military and trained in a specialty field, he nearly doubled his income; he didn’t need much so he sent most of his paycheck home. But that did little to soften his sister, she didn’t start to thaw until after her marriage had failed; she inevitably compared her brother to her ass of an ex-husband and found that Alex wasn’t even close to being as big a shit as she thought he was. “Well I’m glad that you have someone else to torture besides me, I was getting a little tired of your shit anyway.”
“Alright you two knock it off!” Their mother scolded; she never understood why her two oldest children fought so much, and had long given up trying to figure it out. Sam and Alex glowered at each other for a moment and she stood to go retrieve her son; she actually did love her little brother but she just couldn’t bring herself to be nice to him, there was just something about him that annoyed here. Alex and her mother talked for a bit more before Beth came bounding through the door and stopped cold when she saw her smiling brother sitting at the table.
“ALEX!” The small girl screamed as she ran across the kitchen and into his waiting arms as he stood; he held her tightly as she started crying, “I’ve missed you so much…I’m sorry I haven’t written more, but…”
“It’s ok, I know you’re busy.” Alex replied as he continued to hold the one thing, the one person that truly mattered to him. He was glad that she could be the social butterfly she had become, to have nice things so she wasn’t picked on as the poor kid like he and Sam had been; he knew that if he hadn’t sent the money home, she wouldn’t have any of this, she would have had to start working when she was twelve or thirteen, again like he and Sam had done. There would have been no time or money for cheer leading, for dates, or smart phones; he didn’t begrudge her any of this, she is why he joined the military, why he had chosen a high risk specialty, why he had gone to war, it was for the money and the life that money could buy for Beth. “So I thought we would all go out to diner tonight, anywhere you want, my treat.
“Alex…I have practice tonight…” Beth replied softly as he felt her stiffen in his arms.
“That’s ok, we’ll have a late diner after your practice.” Alex replied, still cheerful, but he could see the dark clouds of disappointment on the horizon as he heard her soft sigh.
“Alex…I’m sorry, but I have a date tonight…I’m so sorry, if I had known you were coming…” Beth replied with a little worry in her voice.
“It’s ok, my fault,” Alex replied and smiled as he saw the relief in her pretty eyes, “Take a rain check?”
“Of course, I have a game Friday but we can do something this weekend.” Beth replied hopefully and smiled even wider when Alex nodded, Beth pulled back into their hug and jerked when they heard a horn beep outside, “That’s my ride!”
“Ok, give me your pack and I’ll drop it in your room.” Alex replied as he released his little sister and took her book bag, giving her a quick kiss on her cheek before watching her bolt out the door. He walked into the back of the house, to his sister’s room, depositing Beth’s bag on her bed and walking back into the hallway with a sigh.
“What did you expect?” Sam asked from behind him as she walked out of her room after having changed into sweats to go play with Tommy, she may have been a crappy sister but she was a damn good mother. “You up and leave her with hardly any warning and then only show up twice a year…and not even that for the last two years. You left her and she’s moved on.” Alex just shook his head, he was feeling depressed and guilty and all around shitty, and really didn’t feel like sparring with his sister right now so he turned with out a word and walked back to the kitchen.
“You ok Alex?” His mother asked when she saw the frown on his face, she turned when she heard he daughter’s laugh, Sam had followed him down the hall.
“He’s all waa, waa, waaa, Bethy doesn’t love me anymore waaa, waaa!” Sam said with a snide sneer, “Well get used to it, I have!” Sam brushed past him and out the door, her anger washing away as she saw her son playing in the sandbox; she shook her head and sighed, feeling bad about her brother. She had lied, she did have someone who loved her very much, as much as Alex loved Beth and she knew how much it would hurt her if Tommy ever stopped loving her; Sam sighed as she walked to her son and a smile came to her lips as she saw him look up and grin.
Alex sat at the table and sighed, he was tired and had been since he was hit, he just couldn’t seem to get going and he knew it was more than just fatigue from his healing wounds; his body should have regained its strength weeks ago. He looked up when he heard his mother’s concerned voice, “Alex, you look tired, are you ok?”
“Yeah, was a long trip is all.” He replied as he forced a smile on his face, “I think I’ll take a nap, where you want me?”
“Use your room.”
“Really?” Alex replied as he stood and gave his mother a hug and quick kiss on the cheek, “I would have thought Tommy was in there.”
“Its ok, he sleeps with Sam most nights.” She replied with a small smile, “To be honest, I think its more for Sam them him; she hasn’t been doing well since the divorce…I think she’s lonely.”
“She’ll bounce back, she always does.” Alex replied as he kissed her again, “I’ll see you in a few.” She smiled and watched him walk back out of the kitchen, worry growing in her heart as she felt that she was losing her soon, lost him already in fact; she sighed and headed out of the house, she would grab Tommy and Sam and go get dinner.
Alex sat on an outcropping as he watched the sun start to sink beneath the horizon, the jungle splayed out below him like some undulating and living carpet, it looked beautiful but Alex knew that beauty hid a dangerous and horrible rot that would claim any who walked her dark halls unaware. Alex sighed and tried to remember how many steps he’d taken in that horrible place, or horrible places just like it, but the number was too high to try and count and he gave up as he watched the sun finally fall from the sky and he was quickly surrounded be a darkness most people never knew.
Alex stood, almost hoping he would fall, but that would be too low a price to pay for his sins and he knew he would not be afforded such a kind mercy. He turned and resumed his climb knowing that the sky would be black by the time he reached the top and he would be unseen as he made his way to where he would lie in wait for his target, protected from discovery in the all devouring darkness of the night. He levered himself over the ledge and picked his way through the rocks and crags of the small mountain top, finding the spot more by instinct than sight; a place from where could observe his target but not be seen in kind.
Alex pulled the pack off and began quietly, quickly building his blind; he didn’t need the light of day, he was more a ghost than a man anyway and night was his preferred environment. He unzipped the pack and began to assemble the heavily modified thirty-seven millimeter high velocity cannon; pointing the muzzle toward the faint point of light in the distance, a small glimmer of humanity in this wild and unforgiving place and when morning came he would end his long quest, his vendetta. It took him nearly an hour to set up the large gun and situate as he wanted, even with his skilled hands, it wasn’t a particularly easy task in the black jungle night; soon though, he was satisfied that the tool of his trade would be able to send death the two miles to where his target would be standing come daybreak, if that’s what it took but he was hoping for an easier shot. Alex sigh as he re-entered the pack and began pulling out the explosives and thermite charges that would obliterate all evidence of his being here. He laughed as he thought how different from most he was; most men spent there lives trying to make their mark in the world while he spent his trying to erase all evidence that he ever existed.
As soon as he had surrounded himself with fiery death, he pulled the pack apart and used it to camouflage his hide, he knew that there would be at least one aircraft up and he needed to remain undetected until it was time to strike; after that he didn’t really care, he would welcome the death that would end his numb colorless existence but knew that it would not come, he wasn’t that lucky and perhaps he didn’t deserve the peace that would accompany his end. Alex sighed and lay down to wait for the sun to make its regularly scheduled appearance; he wasn’t depressed or even sad, it had been a long time since he felt anything as pedestrian as emotions. No, he was just tired; tired physically and mentally, the last decade had taken a terrible toll on his body, mind, and soul. Alex didn’t sleep, he rarely did anymore, there were things much worse than being tired or even dead; they were called dreams and he knew that if he closed his eyes and surrendered to the fatigue that demanded sleep, they would come to steal just a little bit more of what remained of his meager soul. There were so many dead, so many ghosts that vied for the right to torture him that he could feel them pressing at the edges of his afflicted mind; no, he couldn’t, wouldn’t, sleep, he could keep the dead at bay but not the memories that seemed to walk through his mind randomly.
Alex watched in horror as the helicopter that was to pick him and his spotter up transformed above him from a complex artifact of modern man and into a yellow-orange ball of flame that rained down burning metal, and burning men, on top of his position; the shower of debris and flesh obliterated his spotter, but left him only bruised and bleeding lightly. He heard the screaming start almost as quickly as the roar of the explosion subsided and knew it was the sound of a perfect agony that few ever experienced. He began crawling towards the horrible sound as it began eating at his mind and taking huge bleeding hunks out of his resolve and determination to survive. It didn’t take him long to find the source of the screaming and he blinked as he watched the smoldering lump of meat that had once been human, as it continued to scream, wondering how that thing could possibly still be alive, and curious as to how long it could possible remain that way.
After ten minutes Alex realized there was only on way to stop the horrible sound that continuously assaulted his ears and he sat against the large rock he was using for cover and waited for night to fall; once it did he drew his knife and crawled out to the thing in the sand. Just before he plunged the large k-bar home, the thing opened its one remaining clear blue eye and softly rasped, “Help me…”
Alex woke with a deep breath and a small jerk of his sweat soaked body, he no longer screamed when he had nightmares; he had them so often that his body was slowly adapting. It took him a moment to realize where he was, he had woken up in his old room in his childhood home; he looked around in the rapidly failing sunlight that streamed through the window and tried to figure out how he got here. Alex sat up and sighed as the memories of the last few days slowly filtered into his tired mind; he crawled out of the bed, smiling at the Spiderman sheets that could only have been Tommy’s, and began digging through his pack for dry clothing so he could grab a shower. There was no way he was going back to sleep so he figured he would grab a quick shower and maybe visit a few of his old haunts; maybe running into a few of his old friends would cheer him up. He quickly showered and dressed, finding no one when he finally ventured out into the house; as he entered kitchen and saw two pizza boxes and a note taped to one”
Alex
We took Tommy to the new Disney movie, you were sleeping so soundly
we didn’t want to wake you, plenty of pizza left so help yourself.
We’ll be home around 10 or 11.
Love Mom
Alex grabbed a slice of pizza and jammed into hi mouth as he wrote a reply”
Mom
Thanx for dinner, think I’ll go out and visit a few friends, probably
be late, so don’t wait up, see you in the morning.
Love Alex
Alex fussed with the slice of pizza, ending up eating all the topping and tossing most of the crust into the garbage before he walked back into his room. He pulled his shoulder holster on and strapped down his forty-five, he rarely went anywhere unarmed anymore; he really didn’t think he would need the large handgun, but he didn’t feel comfortable without the weight the black steel weapon strapped against his body. Alex threw on a light leather jacket and headed out into the electrically lit night, night in the world of man could barely be called night; there was man made light spilling out of every house and building, and gushing from every street light. Alex walked for a while, not caring about how long or where he walked, he was just killing time until another day started; he sure as hell was going back to sleep – one dream a night was more than enough.
Alex suddenly realized he recognized his surrounding and smiled, he looked up and saw the purple and blue neon of the bar he had spent many nights at; most ending with either sex or bruises – and a fair number of times with both! He decided to see if anyone he knew was in there; it was only Thursday, but it was still fairly early and besides most of his friends that still lived here were unemployed. As Alex walked through the door he saw several people he knew, or at least recognized, but none of the friends from his past; he decided to have a beer and then head back home, so he sat at the bar. He was lost in his own thoughts when he heard a familiar voice call his name; he looked up and smiled when he recognized the pretty face staring at him, “Char?”
“Hey handsome!” The pretty little brunette replied from behind the bar, they had gone to school together but never really got to know each other very well, not until after Alex had left; they had dated several times when he came to visit Beth and his family, nothing serious but she was a nice distraction. “Haven’t seen you in a couple of years, what’s up with that?”
“Mmmm, been busy…got deployed.” Alex replied evasively, with a small smile, not wanting to talk about it, “But I’m home now, so…”
“You ok Alex?” Char asked as her smile faded slightly, “You look different somehow.”
“New haircut?” Alex replied with a silly grin, the joke seemed to relieve Char’s worry and her smile brightened back up.
“So, what brings you to our one horse town this time of year?” Char asked as she set a beer in front of him, she really liked this large man and had tried to turn what they had into something more, but he had resisted; he was friendly enough and even wrote her, but like most men he resisted making a commitment. Sometimes she got angry about his reluctance, his family liked her and he obviously liked her a lot; he never dated anyone else when in town, splitting his time mostly between her and Beth, and as far as she knew, there wasn’t anyone else in his life. What she didn’t know was what he thought about himself, how he thought that he was nowhere near good enough for her; that he dreaded the day she found someone she could love, but that he fervently hoped the day arrived soon.
“Got a little time before I report to my next assignment, thought I’d come and visit…been a while…” Alex replied with a small smile, he really liked Char and liked talking to her.
“Bet Beth was excited…in fact, why aren’t you with her?” Char asked a little surprised as she leaned against the bar, “she’s usually glued to your hip.”
“Has a date.” Alex replied glumly, “I kinda dropped in unannounced and it wouldn’t have been fair to ask her to break it.”
“Hmmm, well she is growing up after all…” Char knew who Beth was dating and thought it would have been a good idea if Alex had made her break the date, Beth’s boyfriend was a complete asshole and he had a reputation of being less than gentlemanly; but it wasn’t her place and she actually wanted to enjoy his company a bit more.
“Yeah, that’s what Mom said.” Alex replied before taking a pull off of his beer, smiling as the cold biting liquid slid easily down his throat, “So, how have you been?”
“Oh, you know, same-o same-o…” She and Alex continued to talk, the place was nearly empty and they had few interruptions as she detailed the last two years of her life while he listened, quietly nursing his beer. Char talked and he listened, giving short evasive answers when she asked about his life, and before they knew it closing time arrived; with Alex’s help, Char managed to empty the bar and close up in record time, “Care to escort a girl home? Can’t be too careful these days!”
“It would be my honor.” Alex replied with a dramatic bow and a flourish of his arm.
“Goof! Come on.” Char laughed as she wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed him, before taking his arm and leading him out of the bar; Alex smiled, he was feeling better, Char could always cheer him up. They walked arm in arm down the street, there were few people out in a small town at midnight on a Thursday and they had the street to themselves; that is until they saw a car parked by the curb with an obviously amorous couple inside. Well the boy seemed obviously amorous, the girl seemed a little reluctant and Char laughed, “Beg boy, she wants you to beg…”
“Mmmm, is that what I’m supposed to do?” Alex laughed as he stopped the pretty little brunette and pulled her into a loose embrace as he looked down into her laughing eyes, “I should beg?”
“Of course, a girl wants to know she’s really wanted…” Char replied in a husky whisper as she smiled up at him and batted her eyes shyly as she tilted her head to the side.
“Pllleeeaassseeeee…” Alex whined playfully as he leaned in and softly kissed her neck, the smell of flowers mixed with her own scent making him slightly lightheaded; this was the pivot point of his life. If the scream had never happened, or if he had never heard it, his life would have taken a completely different course; but it did happen and he did hear it and because of that, his fate was sealed. Alex and Char turned and saw the girl in the car trying to fend off the boy; Alex stiffened when he saw the boy slap the poor girl hard and her head snapped back, falling into the a shaft of light from a nearby lamp post and Alex saw his sister’s face. He quickly released a stunned Char, she had seen Beth’s face as well, and ran over to the driver’s door, ripping it open and pulling the driver out and throwing him to the ground.
“What the fuck dude?” The boy snarled, quickly scrambling to his feet and pulling a knife, “You just fucked up big time!”
Alex smiled as he lowered his center of gravity and prepared for this idiot’s assault, “Oh thank you boy…you just made my day!”
“Fuck you shit bag, you won’t be smiling in a minute!” The kid snarled as he stepped forward and swung the knife in a wide clumsy arc; Alex reached out and grabbed the boys wrist, lifted the arm, and stepped under it as he turned his back and drove his elbow into the boys face with four quick, but effective, blows. Alex pulled down on the boy’s arm and straightened his legs, levering the boy’s elbow over his shoulder and pulling down hard; Alex smiled when he heard the loud pop that told him the elbow had blown out, it was followed by a wet scream that brought a satisfied smile to the large man’s face as he heard the knife clank off the asphalt. Alex let the boy fall and turned and his smile faded as he saw the horror on Char’s face and nearly cried when he saw her step back from him as he tried to approach her; Alex stopped and looked down at the bloody mess of the man laying at his feet, this was no high school student, and sighed. He jumped slightly when he heard Beth screaming as she ran around the car, but instead of coming to him, she knelt down next to the young man who had hit her just moments ago, he could already see the bruises forming on her pale face and arms, even in the dim light.
“ALEX, WHAT THE FUCK!” She screamed as she looked up at him, the rage apparent in her eyes, “WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”
Alex was stunned into silence as he watched her cradle the young man’s bloody head, “Wha…what?”
“He’s my boyfriend!” Beth hissed as she turned her gaze from her brother to her boyfriend’s damaged face, gently brushing a strand of bloody hair from his face with her small soft hand, “Just fucking go!”
“Take him to the hospital.” Char interjected as she grabbed Alex’s trembling arm, “Come on Alex, I live just up the block. I’ll get my car and drive you home.” She wanted to get him out of here just as quickly as she could, she had felt the gun under his coat and she didn’t want this going from bad to worse. Alex misunderstood her look and pale face when he turned to look at her; what he saw was a woman he truly cared about, who was scared and repulsed by him, by what kind of man he had become.
Alex sighed and replied in a soft sad voice as he turned and started to walk away, “Don’t bother.” Char stood there and watched as the large man walked away, she would spend the rest of her life wishing she had followed him; had done something, anything to keep him from leaving that night. Alex walked, unaware of his surroundings, but he was a soldier and part of his mind kept track and guided his feet home; he wasn’t even surprised when he looked up and saw his front door. He walked in and heard the crying and soft voices coming from the kitchen and dropped his head as he took a deep breath, might as well face the music now, it wouldn’t get any less unpleasant if he waited until morning.
He walked into the kitchen and saw Beth sitting at the table crying, her cheek was bruised and he could see the start of black eye, she looked up at him when she heard his reaction to her injuries; Alex took a step back when he saw the hatred and rage in her eyes directed at him. She screamed in rage and ran towards him and took a wide roundhouse swing, Alex easily caught her clumsy blow and wrap her in his arms her as she struggled to get free, “ Beth…”
“Fuck you Alex…fuck you!” Beth growled as she stopped struggling in his arms, “You have no right…”
“Beth he hit you…” Alex replied softly, trying to explain as he released her and she stepped towards the kitchen door.
Beth stopped and turned with tears in her eyes, but Alex could see the hate there as well, hate for him, “Not that it’s any of your business but he was a little drunk and just got carried away…he usually treats me good, tells me he loves me; but because of you he broke up with me! You had no right! You’re not my father, hell you’re barely my brother…I wish you had never come back, I’m not a little girl anymore and I don’t need you in my life…don’t want you in it…” With that Beth turned a walked to her room as Alex stood staring down the hallway she had disappeared into, stunned into silence as tears slowly tracked their way down his cheeks.
“Alex…maybe…I’m sorry, but maybe it’s best if you find a hotel or something…” He heard his mother’s voice say and every word was like a knife in his back, he knew she was afraid of him as well; it didn’t surprise him, but what did surprise him was Sam’s soft arms wrapping gently around his waist from behind.
“Alex, she doesn’t mean it…you did a good thing tonight and she’ll understand that someday.” Sam whispered softly in his ear, “Give her time.”
“No, I saw her eyes…” Alex sighed as he stepped from her loose embrace and walked silently and took refuge in his old room. He lay on the bed and listened s the house grew silent and when he was sure that everyone was asleep he crawled out of the bed and retrieved his duffle. He had bought gifts with the money Mr. White had given him and he laid those on the bed, each had a card with the recipients name” He had a gotten Tommy and Beth top of the line laptops, his mother a very expensive pearl necklace because she had always wanted one but could never afford it, and Sam a car that would be delivered sometime Saturday, but he did have a set of keys to leave. The last present he laid on the bed, under his mother’s pearls, was the folder that Mr. White had given him, it was the deed to the house; White had paid off his mother’s two mortgages, she now owned her house free and clear. Alex sighed, maybe the presents would soften the blow from what he was about to do; he knew it was cowardly but he also knew there was no way he could do this in person. Alex walked over to the small desk and sat in the chair he had spent so many hours in doing homework; he reached in a drawer and pulling out a pad and began writing:
Mom,
I know this is the coward’s way out, but there is no way I can look you in the
eyes after everything I did. I’m so sorry that I frightened everyone, that was
not my intent, I only wanted to help. I’m leaving and will be gone before you
get up, don’t worry I won’t bother you again, I guess I’m not the Alex you
knew, not anymore.
Beth,
I’m so sorry, I hope you can forgive me for what I did. I know I’m
not your father, but I did have a large part in raising you and I can’t help
but be protective. You said you no longer want me in your life and I
just want you to be happy, so I’ll go. Remember I’ll always love you.
Sam,
I know we never really saw eye to eye, or had a very warm brother sister
relationship, but I do love you. Take care of everyone for me, and have a
good life, find a decent man because you deserve a little happiness. Oh
and Tommy, be a good boy and listen to you mother, she loves you very
much and only wants what’s best for you.
Goodbye, please remember that I love all of you so much and this is
breaking my heart but I think it’s best.
Alex
Oh, and tell Char how sorry I am about what happened, I’ll truly miss her
I think I could have loved her once, but I’m not that person anymore.
He had grabbed his gear and silently walked out into the early morning darkness, out of his old life and into his new one. Mr. White was as good as his word, a few days later he died in a training accident, at least as far as the rest of the world knew; he set up a payment plan with White so that part of his salary, a major part, went to Beth and their mother in the guise of a pension.
It didn’t take long for Alex to learn the few new skills he needed to become a ghost in the world of the living, and as usual he excelled at his new life; one thing Alex was good at was killing. If Alex wanted you dead then you died; there was no amount of security he couldn’t breach, no place he couldn’t find you, and no amount of pleading that would keep you alive.
Alex blinked as he saw the golden light fill the sky, a peaceful glow that heralded the sun’s arrival, and the impending arrival of his target. Alex looked through the spotting scope and patiently waited for his target to appear, the last one, the last person who knew who he was and where he came from; once this man was dead this particular job was over and Alex had no idea what came next. The sun slowly clawed it’s way higher into the morning sky and Alex swore as there was still no sign of the man he came to kill, he couldn’t stay here much longer, the sun would soon go from his back and into his eyes, and that would ruin his shot, as well as make him easier to see.
Alex smiled as he heard the sound of rotors echoing down the valley and knew that his target had decided to make an appearance after all, he slowly tracked the white helicopter as it flew down the valley, as close to the trees as the terrain would allow. Alex could have blotted the aircraft from the sky, but before he pulled the trigger he needed to know that his target was on board; he watched the bird get closer and quickly switched from the spotting scope to the targeting scope when the distance dropped even more. Alex patiently observed the aircraft, waiting for his moment; then it came, there was what he was looking for through the powerful optics – Mr. White’s smiling face!
“You should never have tried to liquidate me…” Alex whispered as his thumb pushed down on the sliding trigger, the large weapon roared five time in quick succession and he saw the orange glow of the tracer rounds streak out and touch the helpless aircraft; causing to blossom into a huge orange ball off flame that spread burning wreckage over the valley floor and starting small fires where the flaming debris landed. Alex turned back to the even more powerful optics of the spotting scope to check the small camp that was just a point of light the night before; good, they were still standing around, it would be a while before they reacted and even longer before they arrived here. Alex slid out of the hide and started down the backside of the hill, he would take a different egress route and with out the weight of his gear, he would make his escape quickly. He stopped and turned just before dropping below the cliff’s edge, looking back at his blind, and smiled as he saw the black smoke of the burning helicopter beyond the small outcropping of rock.
He laughed softly as he remembered something he had forgotten long ago, something that he had left behind – his name was Steven! Steven pressed the button on the small remote that activated the timer, it also activated the motion sensors that were the back up in case he miscalculated the response time of the men who would soon be hunting him; in an hour, at most, his hide would be destroyed by a ball of white hot fire as powerful explosives spread the debris for miles around, there would be nothing to connect any of this to him. Steven smiled as another thought ran through his mind; he had his name back, maybe he didn’t need to be a shade any more – maybe it was time to go home, maybe instead of dieing he could live!
