Taking the Lord’s monster.

A period Romance

The breakfast table swayed from side to side as I approached, the kitchen walls seemed to have become pliable and the very floor moved like the ocean swell.

“Good night was it ‘Lordhip,” Bessie the scullery maid asked as I went to steady the chair that I might sit.

“God alone knows,” I averred, “Oh my head.”

“I said as you should lay off of the mead,” Annie the cook reminded me.

“You are the damned cook not my damned mother,” I retorted angrily, “Get me my breakfast!” “Now!”

“But Lordship, tis luncheon time and gone,” Annie protested.

“Oh botheration,” I agreed, for as the clock dial stopped swinging across the wall I saw it was nigh on the mid day.

“Nice last night weren’t it Lordship,” Bessie laughed her eyes twinkling mischievously.

“What was nice?” I asked.

“When you ploughed me,” she said, “You remember?”

“What?” I demanded.

“When you ploughed me,” she said again, “wrested me to the bed, and despite my protestations you filled me right up with your big cock and cast you seed like a fountain.”

I fell off the chair, “Oh good god no.” I said and I stared at the ceiling.

“Oh yes indeed, I very near had to chuck a bucket of water over the pair of you,” Annie declared, “You was at it like rabbits.”

“I don’t remember,” I said.

“I do,” Bessie said alluringly, “Your big fat cock sliding up inside of me after I’d a kissed it hard, why it tore me near a twain.”

“Made her bleed it did,” Annie added, “I saw it with me own eyes.”

“Really?” I queried, “So where is the bloodied bed clothing?”

“Haha!” Bessie said, “We had you going didn’t we!”

“Had you going proper we did Lordship!” Annie added.

“Oh, well,” I said, “I expect I deserved it,” I said concernedly for my member was sore as if I had indeed spent much of the night in fornicatory endeavour of the energetic variety.

“And what of Mrs Roberts and the damned Cassandra girl?” I asked after the ‘visitors’ who had inflicted themselves upon us unannounced and whom I greatly wished to send hence but for the impropriety that withdrawal of hospitality might seemingly imply a slight or rudeness on my part.

“Went directly after breakfast, the girl had took ill,” Annie explained, “Matthews took them in the the trap to Netherfield to catch the forenoon post wherever tis they is from,” Annie said, “Glad to see back on em we was.”

“Capital!” I agreed, “Now some strong broth if you please Bessie, then I may plough you anew.”

“I were jesting Lordship,” Bessie reminded me.

“Ah yes,” I noted, “You jest about fornication, but mark my words one day you shall submit.”

“Ha, chance would be a fine thing!” Bessie said, “You knows full well where I is should you want me.”

“You could no more take Lordship’s girth than a stallion or milk churn!” Bessie laughed, “I seen it roused and it were like a tree trunk, all gnarled and veiny.”

“Enough!” I snapped, “My member is not a source of merriment.”

“Total bloody agony more like,” Annie said, “I reckon me youngest’s head were no more round than top of Lordships cock and that little sod nearly ripped of me a twain when he were bore.”

“Oh for pities sake,” I protested, “Get my broth and get thee hence before I have thee flayed with a cat.”

“A cat?” Bessie laughed.

“O nine tails, a whip,” Annie said, “Best shut up Bessie lordships getting riled.”

They got my broth and my head stopped spinning and the room stayed still.

Kathy the chambermaid came downstairs in a rush, “Come quick, come quick!” she shouted, “For there been murder done and no doubt at all!”

“Lead on girl,” I urged and I sprang from my chair to crash headlong into the wall beside the passage door, “Cuss and damnation!” I exclaimed as I picked myself up and followed the distraught girl.

The third spare bedroom door was ajar, “See,” Katherine said and she urged me to enter.

The bed was a bloodied mess, “My god!” I declared, “What in gods earth has transpired, murder has been done and no doubt!”

Annie waddled along, “You sure you never was ploughed Bessie, for this looks like some poor wench lost her virtue herewith.”

“Not I,” she said, “And any case that Mistress Cassandra were domiciled herein.

“And she walked forth this morn?” I asked.

“More waddled, if you get my drift,” Annie said knowingly, “Like summat as what shouldn’t had a been shoved up her insides.”

“And what are you suggesting?” I asked.

Bessie stared at me, Bessie stared at me and Katherine screamed.

“You got blood on your nightshirt Lordship,” Annie observed.

“From the bed,” I replied.

“It were there in kitchen, just a bit,” Annie added.

“So who was murdered?” I asked.

“It weren’t murder her were ravished without let or hindrance,” Annie said confidently.

“Who!” I demanded.

“Why that Cassandra one,” Annie said with conviction, “Why she fair walked bow legged when she went out this morn.”

“Oh my giddy aunt,” I declared, “What have I done!”

“Fucked up that Cassandra one I shouldn’t wonder,” said Katherine thoughtfully.

“Why her Lordship when I’d a let thee ploughed me and that’s a fact?” Bessie asked.

“Me too Lordship,” Katherine agreed.

“You ent seen the size of his weapon, why it fair puts a prize bull to shame,” Annie confided, “Like a fresh haddock tis.”

“All right,” I suggested.

“Bigger than my fist,” Annie added.

“For pities sake shut up!” I said blushing.

“You going to show us?” Katherine asked, “Only I never saw one like a fish a fore.”

“You can’t expect Lordship to show his man thing,” Annie said.

“Oh if it will silence you,” I said and I hoisted my night shirt.

There was a shocked silence, “Cor bleeding hell!” Katherine blurted out finally.

“That’s one and a half!” Bessie said.

“Glad I ent a whore,” Annie said.

“You’re too old and ugly anyway,” Bessie added.

“I reckon I could,” Katherine said thoughtfully, “And it would save Lordship riding to town for when he needs a whore.”

“So why jam a chair under your door latch?” I asked.

“Jenkins the Butler sir, but you can poke me any time you wants Lordship,” Katherine replied.

“Oh too kind,” I agreed.

“I could always try,” Bessie said as she stared.

“Look where I place my member is a matter for me to decide,” I insisted.

“So who’s it to be, me or her?” Bessie asked coquettishly.

“I really don’t think,” I said as I sat on the bed and my appendage reared as Bessie tickled my balls.

“Best be me,” Annie said, “My cunt been stretched with young uns,” she said with an evil glint in her eye, “Hold un down girls!”

“He he hee,” the silly girls tittered and they over balanced me across the bed while Annie hoisted her smock and pulled down and discarded the coarse under breeches the serving classes seemed to favour to show her hairy cunt.

“Ready or not I’s coming!” she laughed and she launched herself upon me.

My member sank into her about the depth as a King George threepenny piece is round, and there she stopped and screamed, “Tis no use, I can’t take it!”

“Do something!” I ordered, “Suck her udders or lift her off of me!”

In a moment Annie’s huge udders were out of her cheesecloth shirt and each of her huge teats was in the mouth of a younger girl, one blonde, one dark. My member swelled anew.

“Its got bigger, it hurts its worse!” Annie cried.

“Get off let me!” Bessie demanded and they lifted Annie off me for Bessie in her turn to try.

It was hopeless, she a virgin like as not, and her tiny parts were so tight the hole was nigh on impossible to find let alone poke and I never got a quarter inch of me inside her.

“Me!” cried Katherine, and she too took her place, squirmimg atop the very top of my member as magical visions of beauty interspersed with views of her sweet young cunt swam across my brain a pulsing surging fountain of silver seed shot through my member and shot forth arcing up all over her belly and ass.

“When you have quite finished,” I said.

“I’m all sticky,” Katherine protested.

“Still you won’t have to play toss pot later,” I commiserated.

“What’s toss pot?” Annie asked.

“I has to aim his member and tickle it until he does the sticky thing except I has to aim it at the chamber pot, and if it goes in I gets tuppence,” Katherine explained.

“Damn your eyes that’s our secret or was,” I snapped.

“Sorry Lordship,” Katherine explained, “But you said about it not I.”

“Sorry indeed,” Annie agreed, “He uses washing bowl when I does it for him.”

“Annie,” I protested, “Enough of your lies!”

“Sticks it in me gob really,” she said.

“It would choke you you stupid woman,” I retorted, “No it is a well worn whore or naught for me, you girls dream of a huge appendage and then cannot accept one, it is perverse.”

“Madame Regers says she do charge you double because the whore ain’t no good for nobody for a day and a half after you poked her,” Annie announced, “Says you got your cock caught in a knot hole in her glory hole, and they tried to get a cow to.”

“Enough!” I cried, “They did not, well, they did, and it was an old whore from the workhouse, an ‘old cow,’ not an ‘old cow.” I stilled my tongue lest I made matters worse.

“But how did the bed get soiled with blood?” I asked, and none present could explain.

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It was on the Friday that explanation came, a communication from Mrs Roberts, the mother of the ill tempered brat Cassandra, all golden ringlets and promises and prickly as a hedgehog and as alluring as a cold bath on St Stephen’s night, the sort of bitch that would benefit from being thrashed regularly and ploughed nightly, and not just once nightly thrice or more.

I scarce believed my eyes, “One thousand pounds,” she demanded, avowing I had ravished her carnally while in a drunken stupor.

“Robertson!” I demanded of my agent, “Get in here now!”

“Yes my Lord?” he queried.

“This is an outrage!” I snapped.

“Indeed sir,” he said reading the paper, “I should have thought five thousand at least for a man of your means?”

“Damn it man, ploughing the bloody woman,” I snapped.

“Well sir if you don’t mind me being blunt,” he offered nervously, “The whores you generally consort with do tend to be the older ladies.”

“Obviously, with my member I require a degree of slackness around the area of the womb entry,” I agreed and then as realisation dawned it gasped, “Oh my lord, you don’t mean!”

“Indeed sir, it would seem you chanced upon the wrong wench, the lady had taken the girls place and when you tried to ravish her in your drunkenness you ravished the woman in her place.”

“Offer a hundred, my final word, or we’ll see them at the assizes,” I ordered.

That should have been an end to it, the money scarcely mattered, my profits from the new world were ample and more to fund a dozen Mrs Roberts, but at length it was agreed one thousand and that is where they fell at the last hurdle.

For no family become rich through stupidity, many noble families are notable for stupidity I confess, but stupidity allied to dishonesty, a penchant for cruelty or some such, and my lineage has always been notable for mean-ness.

Nine hundred and ninety pounds I would have agreed, but for a thousand I needed proof, and so to the chambers of Messrs Shobbuck, Tribb and Garscon did we repair one miserable June afternoon of rain and lowering skies.

“My client Lord, ah,” the fool Garscon stuttered forgetting my name, “Contests the mater in that he does not accept that the woman, Roberts ah, cunt, would accept his member.”

“That is an outrage!” Roberts lawyer, though we suspected he to be her lover, “Withdraw that slur forthwith!”

“No slur sir,” Garscon continued, “My Lord’s appendage is well known in brothels throughout Lincolnshire for its girth and prolongment, no decent woman might accept it, I merely suggest your client is not a whore and cannot have been ravished as stated.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’ll be asking for proof next!” came the reply.

“Indeed afore witnesses, the bed chamber s prepared already,” Garscon confessed catching the Roberts unawares.

“Witnesses?” Roberts questioned.

“His noble lord the justice Henderson Lord Henderson of Henderson, and Mr Edward Spooner recorder at Lincoln Assizes,” Garscon announced and the two noble gentlemen stepped forward from the next room where they had been hid.

“Then call their bluffing, Mable,” Roberts man challenged.

“Mother!” Cassandra hissed.

“No, you’ll marry royalty my girl!” Mrs Roberts insisted, “Invest the thousand in clothes and a carriage, just do as I say!”

“Perhaps the child should avert her eyes,” Roberts man suggested.

“Indeed, stay here while we prove the matter,” Garscon suggested.

The bed chamber was stark, like an Inn, as indeed until the foreday it was naught but an office room and the bed and sideboard had to be brought and indeed brought as parts and assembled therein.

“Henry,” the Roberts woman said awkwardly.

“Submit as for my pleasure my sweet, think of the thousand guineas.” he whispered.

“Pounds,” I corrected as I over heard them.

They erected a screen, she undressed one side, I the other, and then with night shirts we clambered into the bed and the curtains were drawn round, it being four posted with canopy over.

It was a loveless affair, her laid with legs spread as I watched, my appendage barely half mast such was my distaste of the whole thing, and as she lay I tried and tried in vain to slip my appendage within her.

“Five more minutes and I shall declare the claim Null,” the Lord Henderson suggested but naught would induce my member within her.

“One minute,” he averred.

Suddenly a commotion, the Cassandra girl burst in, “Stop!” she cried, “Enough, twas not mother, twas I!”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Mrs Roberts cried as she made one last despairing attempt to impale herself, “You cannot consign yourself to a life with such a man!”

“I knew it could not be you!” I challenged the Roberts woman, “Bring forth the wench and we will see if she lies too!”

“No, just give us the money please my lord,” the girl pleaded, “I want for clothes, for I have little but that which I stand up in, and we need a carriage, or all will be lost and I shall never marry a nobleman but become a governess or seamstress, or.”

“Whore?” I suggested, “For if you did indeed accept me then your fame and fortune as a whore is assured, why a child with the cunt if a cow, she could name her own price.”

“She is eighteen my Lord, hardly a child,” Roberts averred.

“And I am twenty and nine so hardly in my dotage,” I snapped, “So to bed, show us your prowess.”

“Why do you doubt me?” she demanded.

“I do not, but merely wish to refresh my memory,” I replied, “So show the judge and the thousand guineas shall be yours.”

“Yes!” the Roberts woman urged, but I was ahead of them, one thousand pounds, or guineas, making one thousand and fifty pounds, for ten years servitude as my whore, two pounds a week, it seemed a capital plan.

“So join me, conjoin with me.” I urged.

The Roberts woman left and in her place came the daughter.

I wasted no time but bared her finding her mounds taut and firm and responsive and as I sought her slot with a finger so the lips parted eagerly and despite her stoic expression her juices already flowed.

Two fingers, three, four, she nearly smiled and then was I upon her laying her legs astride and my knees between as I fed my snake into the cleft between.

It went about half way.

“Swing your legs, so your feet are by your ears,” I commanded as I withdrew.

She did as I said and as I aimed my appendage at her again so she too guided it so when again I thrust forward I slid deep within her.

She gasped, “Ohhhh!”

“Oh that feels so good,” I whispered, “Thank you!”

I stared, she was smiling, “Ohhhh,” she gasped, “Ohhhhh!”

The curtains flew aside and they saw us conjoined, “Case proven, shall we repair to the tavern?” the Lord Henderson suggested and they filed away and left us.

With privacy assured our love making intensified, the bed creaked with my exertions, and her moans were principally of pleasure and became more vociferous as climax approached and broke like a dam as I expelled copiously within her, and she screamed in ecstasy.

“I’ll pay you one thousand guineas to be my whore for ten years,” I offered as I withdrew.

“A fair offer, generous indeed,” she said thoughtfully, “But would not marriage be cheaper?”

“But who would have me?” I asked, “I rend the general wench in twain with my cock.”

“I will,” she said, this slip of a girl, “It was my plan, to seduce you, do you see, long nights with the handle of my hairbrush, the broom, anything, but you were so strong, and it pained me so and then I bled.

“So show me again,” I said as my appendage reared anew.

“When you are ready?” she asked, and added, “Oh” when she saw my member rampant again.

“Kneel, I shall enter from behind,” I ordered and as she obeyed I slid my length deep into her warm wet womb and all seemed well with the world.

She gasped, “Do I pain you?” I asked.

“No,” she said, “Naught but that I can bear.”

“Then hush for I wish to visit heaven again,” I said earnestly, “Are you sure you are not pained?”

“The young ones are often the most receptive My Lord,” Garscon averred from outside the curtains, “Shall you marry the wench sir, or shall I draw up papers for her servitude as a whore?”

“Marriage?”I asked her.

“Marriage I think,” she said, “But heaven awaits us My Lord,take your pleasure that I might take mine as you gush forth within me.”

Gush forth within her, of course I gushed forth within her, with no more urging.

“Yes, draw up the papers,” I called, “Call the banns, nothing fancy, village church, and in the meantime, you my girl are coming home with me!”

“Thank you,” she said. I just stared at her.

“No I thank you,” I said, “Thank the lord your ugly weasel faced bitch of a mother couldn’t accept me.”

Cassandra just smiled, it was only later that I discovered the real truth behind the reason for her capacious womb but that my friends is a tale for another time.

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