I wasn’t proud of what I said to Zoe. For days I thought about showing up to her house and just holding her. But my frustration got the better of me. Zoe and I never spoke after our fight, not even a single message. Slowly I became a bitter and selfish person. I took the things I had once longed for and treasured for granted, unfortunately for Kylie she was in the frontline of my anguish. I had always been a grateful and patient lover with Kylie, but after my fight with Zoe I came to expect it from her. With Zoe out of my life I felt deprived and became a sexual maniac. I became angry when Kylie didn’t have sex with me and I made her feel like she was in some sort of sexual debt to me. I realized how much I was hurting Kylie when she cried one night after sex, she stood in the bathroom trying her best to remain quiet, but I heard her soft whimpering and as she came back, her eyed were reddened. I’d like to say from then on I made sure Kylie was loved, but I was a fool. I disregarded Kylie’s misery as an overreaction and took the love out of our sex life. I had turned my back on what to this day I think is the sweetest girl a guy could ever have. Within a few months I had stopped taking Kylie out and spending quality time with her, we silently spent our days having loveless sex ending in Kylie’s heartbreak. I was no longer satisfied with our sex life, and by the time I realized I had hurt the girl I loved it was too late. The relationship had expired and what was left was simply a shadow of our past. Kylie and myself agreed to break up just after my 18th birthday. I somewhat redeemed myself before I let her go. On our last day together I took Kylie to the city. I treated her to a day she deserved and made her feel the love I had forgotten to give her. But we knew that after that day it was over and we would have to go our separate ways. As the sun dropped into the horizon, I held Kylie for the last time in my life and whispered to her “I love you”. Kylie looked up at me with a broken hearted smile and responded “I love you too”. We drove home and remained silent during, seeing her walk into her home I realized I had destroyed the love that I used to only dream of having.

This was not a learning experience, instead of learning from my pain I turned to anaesthetic alternatives. I had still not spoken to Zoe for over 4 months now, we passed each other in the school hallway. But at I felt her presence she only felt like a ghost to me, I had too much shame to even speak to Zoe. After I broke up with Kylie I expected Zoe to comfort me at first, but as I had broken the heart of that sweet girl I had become the person Zoe and I had so desperately tried not to. I was an embarrassment to my former self. But I did not change my ways, in fact things worsened. As I was now 18, I became attached to alcohol. I drank at home and in excess at parties. I became the kind of sexual deviant that I used to look down on, having pointless sex with girls who couldn’t care less. It somehow made me feel like I was overcoming my two former loves, but it was just a pathetic mask for my pain. The love I shared with Zoe and Kylie was irreplaceable, no amount of meaningless sex could make up for the true feeling of love. Subsequently, my grades began to drop. I was a proud B+ student before my fall into darkness, but since I had forsaken myself I was scraping the barrel for a C. But I didn’t care, I exchanged my former values and persona for a façade which made me look like a happy man in front of Kylie and Zoe. I didn’t know if they saw through me, but part of me wished that they would pull me up from the darkness I had fallen into. Two months after we broke up, I saw Kylie at a party. In resentment of myself I drank well in excess of my capacity and found myself keeled over outside as my body rejected the alcohol I had poisoned myself with. Kylie saw me and gained the courage to walk over to me. As I lay there pathetically curled on my side with sickness scattered around me, Kylie stood before me and said nothing. I looked up in my drunken gaze and saw her crying. Before she left, she placed a blanket over me and a glass of water just within my reach. Kylie still cared for me, maybe she even loved me. But I had fallen so far from my former self that all she could do was walk away. As I woke the sun burned my face waking me, in disgrace I drove home wondering if I had not drank so much that maybe Kylie and I could have caught up. But I knew she would undoubtedly try and avoid me from now on. Soon Kylie found a new boyfriend. He was different to me, a sport fanatic whom Kylie had fallen for at her school. I was overrun with jealousy, despite this I remained silent about my feelings and continued a chaotic lifestyle. I resented myself for letting Kylie fall into the arms of another man. The unique love Kylie offered to me was gone, and now some other asshole was enjoying the luxury of Kylie’s love. Again alcohol became my anaesthetic response to the problem, if only I had called Kylie and told her how I felt.

That’s when the accident happened. The accident that would ruin and then save my life. What else could have happened to someone on a trail to self-destruction? Something was bound to knock me in my place eventually, but this… this was something every parent dreads. I attended a party during my term break, it was chaotic even for my standards. About one hundred people attended this behemoth of a party. Drink cans and bottle were littered along the floors and I indulged myself in a consistent streak of drinking and trying to get laid. I don’t remember if I did have sex that night, in fact I don’t remember anything. I do however remember waking up in the wreckage of a crashed car with blood soaked in my eyes before blacking out. So let me back up a bit. Based on what I was told by my peers and doctors, after the party settled I decided I wanted to drive home. I had a blood alcohol percentage of 0.25, but that didn’t stop me. I sped away in my car at 4 o’clock in the morning with no regard for my safety. Only 10 minutes later I drove directly through a set of traffic lights and found myself t-boned by a van. Luckily for me the other driver missed the driver’s seat, but during the midst of the crash as I tumbled over and the back of my car smashed into my spine, I received major injuries. Paramedics rushed me to hospital and I was given emergency surgery. My injuries were as listed:

– 7 broken ribs
– 2 spinal fractures
– 1 torn calf muscle
– Several facial lacerations
– 2 broken fingers
– 1 broken right fibula bone
– a broken radius and ulna in my right arm
– 1 fractured left collar bone
– Tearing in my chest muscles
– A broken nose and facial bones

My injuries were bad nonetheless. But as you may have noticed there is one thing missing that is usually in that list. Despite being hit at nearly 80 kilometers per hour, less than a second away from being hit directly, I suffered almost no brain injury. My head was almost untouched by the accident which in the long run was lucky, but due to the severity of my injuries my body went into shock and I became fixed on excessive pain medications which would have me dozed off for ours. Sometimes I would have entire days which I would talk to people in my sleep. When I came out of surgery I was in immense pain, immediately they medicated me. I was like an empty vessel, my eyes were open and I saw and heard everything. But I could not respond, I couldn’t reach out to my parents and say “I’m sorry”. I had to watch as people came into my room and cried while I selfishly sat in my own misery. I felt awful, I had caused so much trouble for the people in my life and had to watch every second of it. I was trapped in a withdrawn state of mind only with my regrets. Kylie came in several times. Each time she would kiss me on the head and stroke my hair out of my face. I could only look up at her in sadness as she cried for me. I had done so much wrong, it killed me to watch Kylie cry for someone like myself who had forsaken her. Sometimes the drugs would have a much more serious effect on me. I would find myself unable to tell illusion from reality. People looked like blurs and shadows moved around me. One night as I lay there in a heavy fixation of hard drugs, a shadow emerged from my bedside. I looked over and tried to see who it was. It wasn’t Kylie, it wasn’t my parents. But this person stayed with my unresponsive body for hours before I felt a cold hand stroke my face as it left. I really thought nothing of it, but it seemed every time I was fixed into a trance the same person would appear. A few times I regained my perception and almost saw who it was, but I could never quite see. I had an eerie feeling that this person was always with me. I felt that when I was asleep or intoxicated on my various drugs that someone was always there with me holding me and keeping me safe. But I made nothing of the vivid memories, maybe I was just imagining someone being there for me. I sure as hell didn’t deserve it. As my body came out of shock, my parents were able to finally see me in a normal state. I was still in pain, but I was perhaps the luckiest person alive. I told my parents I was sorry, I cried with them and we hugged them both, I swore I would never drink again. Kylie came in and saw me when I was better, she and my parents kept me company a lot. But someone was missing.

“Has Zoe visited?” I asked In a weary voice. Everyone stopped and looked at each other. No seemed to want to answer. My mother spoke up, “Yes… she has”. I nodded to myself and looked up, “Why haven’t I seen her?” I asked. My mother and father tried to communicate a way of explaining it to me, finally they came out with it, “She prefers to come when you’re… asleep” my Dad said. “You mean drugged up?” I asked. They nodded and looked uncomfortably at one another. “I want to see her” I said. No one responded as I realized this was not so simple. My parents explained to me that I had in fact been visited by Zoe almost every day until I regained my perception and awareness. She had sat with me for consecutive nights making sure I was okay. To be honest I was surprised that Zoe even wanted to see me. I was pathetic, I had destroyed my life with her and continued to destroy my own. But I was reassured of myself knowing that even in my time of weakness, Zoe was always there watching over me. “She’s been so good with you” my mother added, “One night we walked in on her cleaning your hair”. “What?” I groaned unable to respond with normality. “Yes I’m serious, she did everything for you when you were unconscious. She even clipped your fingernails and shaved your face while you were out”. I was a little freaked out by my former best friend being my caretaker without me knowing, but I was warmed with the feeling of Zoe caring for me after all. I knew Zoe was trying to avoid me, but I knew this was my only opportunity to make things right. It was the happiest feeling I had shared from Zoe in a long time. I longed to see her, to tell her I was sorry and that I missed her. But I never found the opportunity to do so. On nights where I was in an intoxicated gaze I would see her come, more clearly than before and watch me through the night. She would just sit there doing nothing, watching me and making sure I was okay. I don’t know if Zoe knew I was aware of her, but I was in my position to reach out to her. My eyes would open occasionally but in my heavy fixation of pain medication I would be forced back into a heavy sleep. A few times I awoke only to see the door to my room shut with a dark haired girl walking away from me. I was so close, with each day I became more in touch with reality. I knew I would see her soon, it was only a matter of time.

One night I decided it was time to finish things. My nurse asked me what my pain rating was and I took my chance to make things right. “Only about a 3 or 4” I responded. “Already? Really?” she said loudly in surprise. I nodded in agreement as she adjusted my pain medication to half dosage. That night I would be awake, I would make sure of it. The truth was my pain was about double what I had said. The worst thing about my injuries was the healing process, I could barely move. But as I had planned my nurse delivered to me half of what I was being given usually and I awaited the arrival of Zoe, my newly discovered mystery visitor. Unfortunately I hadn’t thought out what I was doing so well, the pain I had experienced didn’t die down enough for me to pass out from the medication. It took me twice as long as usual to fall asleep, but I endured the pain knowing that it was all for the good of seeing Zoe once again. As I slept, I dreamt of a world where the accident had not happened. It was a world where I had made right of my wrongs before I descended into chaos. How I wished that was the case. I awoke however in a drowsy gaze during the middle of the night. My hand was being held and as I looked up I saw the blurry figure of Zoe almost falling asleep. Her eyes were half closed and her head was hanging onto her right hand. As I moved around in my bed Zoe jumped up and pulled away from my hand, I tried to speak but I was still too intoxicated from my medication. She scurried for her things and placed her belongings in her bag trying to get away before I could catch her out. My eyes remained open this time and as my vision cleared I saw Zoe for the first time in over a month. She looked back at me and quickly paced towards the door. I couldn’t let her go this time, not this time. “Zoe!” I groaned incomprehensibly. She slowed her pace but kept moving. I didn’t give up, “ZOE!” I now yelled in a muttered voice. She stopped at the doorway and tried to keep herself from staying. But I saw her turn to me in a distraught gaze. I could see the pain in her eyes. Zoe wanted to care for me, but her emotions were stopping her from seeing me. in a desperate cry I yelled from my bed hoping she was not gone, “Please don’t leave me”. There was silence as I looked across the darkened room. My vision stirred and began to wonder if Zoe had already gone. I collapsed my head into the pillow and cried, “Please don’t go” I whimpered loudly. I had feared Zoe was gone, but suddenly I saw a shadow crouch to my left side. It was Zoe crying with me. She placed her hands on my cheeks and began kissing my face. Her soft lips planted all over my lacerated face as we cried together. I couldn’t move my body but Zoe held me close and I felt once again her comfort. She looked me in the eyes as she kissed my forehead and whispered to me, “I’ll never leave you again” she sobbed. I spent the rest of the night with my head cradled in Zoe’s arms. She stroked my face and kissed me as remained asleep. I wondered in my final thoughts if she would still be with me in the morning. Now that she was with me, I never wanted to see her go again. Morning hit and I looked up to see Zoe’s face peacefully sleeping above me. I knew then that I was saved, Zoe was finally with me again.

My next stage of rehabilitation was physiotherapy. I hated physiotherapy, my body was coming out of shock at the time and I was met with a new level of pain. With much weaker medication, each day I was pushed to my limits in order to get me moving once again. My spinal fractures made things almost impossible from all angles. Anything I did disturbed my spine and I almost gave up. But one thing kept me going. Every day after physiotherapy I would be walked back to my room to see Zoe waiting for me. She would tell me how proud she was of me and how well I was doing. I couldn’t let her down, I had to get better to show Zoe I could be the person she deserved. I didn’t want to be a burden on her. So every day I struggled to take my first step, I endured the pain and cried in agony for Zoe in the hopes that I would be better soon. Zoe took the responsibility of taking care of me, she spent almost every day at the hospital feeding me, grooming me and running errands that I had not asked. I told her she didn’t have to, but she insisted she would. I tried to bring up the topic of our fight and how sorry I was. But every time I did Zoe would just place her fingertips over my mouth and tell me “Not yet”. I didn’t know what she meant at first, but I soon realized that Zoe wanted to have this conversation later. Sometimes we would just look in each other’s eyes and smile, all we needed was each other. My physiotherapy was a slow process. In a week I took my first steps, I felt like a fucking child as people applauded such a minor achievement. Another week had me walking slowly on my own without support but only a few steps before the pain became too much. As a month cleared, the nurses removed my back brace and I was able to walk steadily with my spine unsupported. Each time I was hopelessly wheeled back to my room to see Zoe’s beautiful face smiling at me. As I laid back down she would kiss me on the head and whisper “I’m proud of you”. Even with the pain I felt from my injuries, having Zoe with me was a satisfaction which made me complete. With the support of Zoe, my friends, my family and even Kylie, I struggled out of the hospital on my own two feet with Zoe by my side. I had cheated death and was given another chance in life. As I arrived home for the first time in nearly two months I was guided into the house with my parents and Zoe. it was finally time to talk.

I lay on my bed trying to gain comfort as Zoe fetched me a glass of water. As she came back I took a sip and looked up at her, it was time. “I’m sorry” I said instantly as she caressed my leg. Zoe smiled and kissed my forehead, “It’s okay, I forgive you” she replied. Zoe asked what had happened to me, I explained to her that my relationship deteriorated and I broke Kylie’s heart. I continued to tell her that I chose a path of heavy alcohol abuse to numb my pain. None of this surprised Zoe much at all, she simply nodded in agreement as if she had heard another person tell the story before. The atmosphere was generally positive, but something was missing. I looked in Zoe’s eyes and said what I had longed to say for years, “Zoe I love you” she looked at me with a glimmer of anticipation. “I’ve loved you ever since I first saw you. I’ve loved you since and never stopped. All I want to do is just hold you and make you feel loved. I know we’ve had our obstacles in the past, but there’s nothing I want more right now than to just be with you. I ruined my relationship with Kylie, but I don’t want to lose you too”. Zoe took my hand and pushed her body over me with her head over my shoulder. She kissed me below the ear and pulled away revealing an illuminating smile. “I love you too” she replied softly. She continued holding my hand as I looked into her eyes. My heart began to pound in excitement, “Kiss me” I said calmly. Zoe placed her hand on my cheek and pulled my hair away. She leaned in and twisted her body towards me as she and I engaged in a passionate kiss. She was gentle with me as I was still injured, her lips connected with mine as we softly embraced one another. As I had always expected, the kiss we shared made me love Zoe even more. She breathed heavily on me as we excitedly brought our hands onto each other’s bodies. She remained gentle with me, only softly touching my chest as she panted in excitement. Suddenly she stopped and pulled away smiling, “I better stop now, I don’t want to hurt you”. I nodded and smiled at her, I was in no position to go any further with Zoe. She continued rubbing my upper body with a coy smile as she observed my body. Her hand moved lower towards my crotch as she rubbed me softly. My heart pounded and I began to ease further into my bed moaning. It has been so long since someone touched me, and from Zoe it felt like heaven. “Maybe there is something I can do for you” Zoe suggested as she kissed my cheek. Her breasts dragged along my body as she leaned over and planted her lips on my neck. As she did this she slipped her hand below my briefs and groped me. I attained hardness almost immediately. Zoe sat up and looked down at me with a satisfied smile, “You’re bigger than I thought” she said with a slight chuckle. Her rubbing adapted to a jerking motion as I grew harder. As she pulled slowly on me cock I moaned, Zoe pulled her head towards me and slipped her tongue into my mouth. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long” she said with a cheeky grin. Her hands felt amazing, I had not been able to pleasure myself in my current state. Not long after she beam jerking me I tensed up and shot my load everywhere. Zoe watched in satisfaction as she extracted every last drop with her hand and giggled as I groaned in pleasure. “Good boy” she said looking rather pleased with herself. Zoe cleaned me up and for the rest of the day we sat in bed together watching movies and laughing with one another. We were finally a couple.

Zoe continued to pleasure me in many ways, but we had not yet had sex. It started off basic, but eventually Zoe would spice things up by dressing up for me or letting my return the favour. I saw her naked for the first time during my bedridden state. She was absolutely stunning, it was even better than the photos portrayed. She had a smooth pale skinned body with perky breasts and composed hips. There was barely a crease or imperfection on her body as I scanned her beauty, I wanted to touch her all over. She strutted over to me from across the room and climbed on top of me with one leg either side of me. Zoe pushed her hard nipples onto my face and I licked the surface as she released a soft moan. She sat above me as her body pressed against me gently, he hands ventured towards my belt and she took me into her hands and jerked me. Our sex life became a fun game of how creative we could be without actually engaging in sex. She wore outfits for me and brought out my old friend, the chocolate sauce bottle. Our sexual connection was amazing, but not yet complete. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the jerking, sucking and grinding. It was more than I had hoped for with the girl I loved so much. But as my body healed and I became more agile, Zoe and I decided it was time to finally go all the way with me. She was careful with me, we lay together kissing under the covers of my bed before I felt Zoe’s hands undress me. She was wearing purple lace underwear for me which she bought especially for our sexual encounters. Her hands glided down my body before I realized Zoe had me completely undressed. I pulled her close to me and cradled her petite body against me as my hands went to work on undoing her bra. I kissed her neck as she quivered keeping her still before me. My cock grinded against her soft body as she lifted her legs so that I rested beneath her. As I undid her bra she looked wickedly at me with her hair in her face and crawled out of her bra. Her breasts flattened against my chest as she buried herself in my arms. The moment was filled with an intense ecstasy as Zoe moaned and panted in my arms. Our warmth collided as we kissed and our bodies linked together. Zoe looked at me with a nervous expression and brushed her hair from her face. She looked up at me and quietly spoke, “This is my first time…” she said with what appeared to be embarrassment. I was shocked, in all the time I had known Zoe I was sure she had made it with at least one partner, but then again I had never asked. “What do you mean?” I said. She looked at me nervously and replied, “It just never happened, it wasn’t on purpose”. I smiled and kissed Zoe on the cheek, I was surprised that someone such as myself had so much more sexual experience than Zoe, but I was glad. I was glad that in the discomfort and insecurity of her first time that she would be with someone she could trust, just as my first time had been with Kylie. I placed my hands below Zoe on her waistband and kissed her neck to relax her.

Slipping her panties down she guided me down her soft thighs and threw her legs around me. I felt her naked vagina rub against me. Its wetness lubricated me and she positioned herself before me as I held her hips. At this point Zoe and I were still side on and I decided to keep this position to help her relax. I pulled myself further into Zoe’s body only slightly entering her. She reacted nicely and let out a moan before exclaiming “Mmm that feels nice”. I knew the worst was yet to come as I moved slowly in and out penetrating deeper each time. As Zoe became lubricated I pushed further finally reaching the layer known as the hymen. I wasn’t overly thrilled about hurting Zoe as I had hear stories that it would be quite painful, but I wanted Zoe badly. I wriggled closer one final time before quickly pushing past the barrier. Zoe shrieked and gasped as I moved further inside her. “Sorry” I whispered softly, “It’s over now”. She looked at me with an exhausted expression and whispered back, “Thank you” she said. Zoe was fragile as expected so I pulled her on top of me and allowed her to go at her own pace. She lay on top of me with her breasts smothered on my chest and she began to thrust her hips on top of me. Whimpered for a few minutes before finding comfort and then of course pleasure. She began to throw her hips down faster at her own pace and panted heavily. I guided her and penetrated effortlessly as she adjusted to my size inside of her. I signalled with my body that I wanted to change position, still injured slightly I struggled onto my knees and placed her lying down below me on her stomach. Her slender body looked magnificent as her but perked upwards granting me entry. As the tip of my penis touched her lips her legs separated slightly and she pushed up slipping me inside her. I followed through and placed my hands under her stomach and pounded smoothly. Her soft skin granted me an easy glide as I caressed her body. As I slowed Zoe pushed fast backwards into me, she was obviously ready for the next level. Picking her hips upwards I placed her on her knees and threw my cock deeper and faster. Kylie had always loved this position and I suspected Zoe may have as well. Instantly she squealed as I slid faster and faster inside of her, she became wetter and the friction we initially had was gone. After a few minutes of heavy pounding Zoe signalled for me to finish. I pulled her upwards by her chest and she and I met lips before I released my load inside of her. She panted loudly as I groaned, her hips shook back and forth trying to savour the experience. As I finished Zoe reached upwards and put her hand on my cheek. Looking up over her shoulder she smiled and kissed me. We collapsed onto the bed and hid ourselves under the covers before falling asleep in each other’s arms like I had always dreamed of. Zoe and I were finally together.

That is the end of my story, the life of a young teenager who transformed his life through the guidance of two girls he loved. Take from it what you will, was I a fool to lose Kylie? Did I forgive Zoe too easily? Whatever you conclude is fine by me. Zoe and I continued to see each other and four years later she and I happily married. We’re expecting our first child soon and have never fallen out of love or been apart since. I didn’t forget Kylie nor lose touch with her. She was a good friend to me and played a big part in planning our wedding. She went on to pursue being a wedding planner because of it and is happily married as of last month. We sometimes all get together and laugh about the past, we talk about the crazy things we did and recollect our past. Breaking Kylie’s heart didn’t turn out so bad after all. Zoe is regional manager of her parents’ business and has become a strong independent woman, someone I truly admire. I went into labour and every night I come home to see Zoe waiting for me as I caress her pregnant belly. My life turned out great, there were a few bumps in the road but I made a full recovery and live with the most beautiful wife I could have ever wanted. If I have learned anything from my experience, it is that love is delicate. So delicate in fact that we’re afraid to express it and afraid to stand up for it. We have become ashamed of our love or embarrassed from it, but as I opened myself up I learned that I could find true happiness though love and pain. Thank you for listening to my story.

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