A bit of a joke piece I drew up after a speaking to a few other writers.

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Ami drew in a long, hot breath, feeling the steam of the gym’s sauna fill her lungs. Sweat dripped from her body, pooling on top of her ample breasts and clinging to her hard, dark nipples underneath her loosely-fitting towel. Ami held the breath for a time, letting it swirl in her chest, then exhaled, letting it all out one molecule at a time.

“Enjoying yourself?” she heard a man say as the sauna’s door opened.

“You know it, Rick.” Ami responded. Rick sat across from her, a white towel wrapped around his waist. He had hung it low enough to show off every muscle on his body.

“You seen my eight-pack?” Rick asked with a grin.

Ami rolled her eyes. “Yes, Rick, you’ve shown it to everyone in the company. It’s very impressive, you should be very proud of your surgeon.”

Rick furrowed his brow and leaned forward, levelling a finger at Ami. “Hey, these babies are real. No augs here?”

“No shit?”

“Yeah, check it out.”

Ami shrugged and leaned forward, clutching the top of her towel with one hand. Her other arm reached out to feel Rick’s stomach, then suddenly curled into a fist and swung at the man. Rick let out a loud grunt of pain, causing Ami to raise her eyebrows at him. “Very schway, Rick. Why not just get aug’d ones?”

Rick shrugged. “Too easy, won’t impress the ladies. Besides, doc says that any more augs and I’m past the legal limit.”

“Bullshit!” Ami spouted between laughs. “The most you’ve got are standard-issue subdermals. You haven’t got an inch of metal anywhere on your skin!”

Rick sneered at Ami and pulled out his arm, flexing it in front of her. The muscles rippled beneath his skin unnaturally, pulsing in a sinuous wave.

“Wow,” Ami said, “real impressive. Muscle implants.” She began to clap slowly.

Rick huffed, crossing his arms. “Like you’ve got any better. Let me guess: fake tits and a nose job?”

“You’re half right, for once.” Ami pulled her towel down, revealing her large breasts to Rick. Her nipples stood on end, rock-hard in the steam, with water clinging to their tips. Rick nodded appreciatively. “That’s not all. Give ‘em a good squeeze.”

Rick’s hands shot forward readily, grabbing Ami’s boobs roughly. Her own hands quickly shot up and grasped his, pulling them aside. “Not the nipples,” she explained. Rick gave her a curious look, and began to massage Ami roughly. His touch felt callused and hard, but her stomach tightened in excitement anyways. “Harder!” she commanded. Rick obliged, giving Ami’s tits one large squeeze, then shouted as two needle-thin spikes suddenly jutted out of her nipples.

“Impressed?”

Rick carefully withdrew his hands from Ami’s chest. “I didn’t know you had such tacky taste.”

Ami’s eyes widened, and her mouth dropped. “What?”

“Yeah. Needles? Come on Ami, even I’ve got better.”

“Well, let’s see.”

Rick grinned widely, leaned back onto the sauna wall, and opened his towel.

“Oh my God!” Ami gasped. “What the hell is that?” She looked over the long, metallic shape between Rick’s legs, eying every finely-crafted detail. Its shaft was smooth and perfectly straight, with a small hole at the end. Two massive drums extended from its base, and the whole creation stood at attention.

Rick still wore that idiotic smile. “It’s a gun, dumbass. I call it ‘Rick’s best friend.’ It’s saved me more than any other aug I’ve got.” His hips moved slightly, and the gun’s barrel moved fluidly under Rick’s direction.

“What caliber?” Ami asked. “Can I touch it?”

“Go right ahead, baby.” Ami gingerly stroked it, and felt Rick twitch at her touch.

“You’re kidding me.”

Rick’s smile turned sheepish as he turned his eyes away from her. “Hey, the doc offered, and I figured ‘Why not?’ How many other guys you know got a gun-dick?”

Ami continued to examine the pistol, running her hand along its length, feeling the action of the magazines, relishing every detail. “It’s… beautiful. You have GOT to give me the name of your doctor.”

Rick shook his head, frowning. “No can-do. I did a favor for him a few years back, a one, and he’s owed me ever since.”

Ami’s mouth stood agape. “You mean he’s done all of this for a favor?”

Rick nodded. Ami looked down at the dick-gun again and licked her lips.
“Alright,” she said as she sat down next to him. “I’ve got something to show you, too.” Ami removed her towel, revealing her hard stomach and wide hips. She placed Rick’s hand on her breast, but he quickly moved it down to her stomach.

“Oh no, I’m not falling for that again.”

Ami smiled coyly up at him. “Clever boy,” she muttered. She spread her legs and parted her pussy lips, wiping the juices from them onto Rick’s sweaty chest. A sweet smell immediately filled the sauna, and Rick groaned deeply. Ami stretched herself over him, keeping her snatch open with two fingers. She kissed Rick deeply as she felt his muscles softening beneath her.

“What…” he moaned.

“It’s nothing to worry about,” Ami crooned. “Just a little nanoswarm I keep stashed away. All they’re doing is putting a little muscle relaxant in the air for you. That, and maybe a touch of my own formula.” Ami giggled and licked Rick’s neck. “A dash of aphrodisiac, a pinch of truth serum, and a speck of hypnotics can do wonders in an interrogation.”

The dick-gun lay below her, pointing straight up and following every movement of her hips. “Don’t…” Rick coughed weakly. “It’ll kill you.”

“Oh, Rick,” Ami said sweetly. “My vagina is augmented.”

Ami thrust downward onto Rick’s unique manhood. The gun began to twitch within her, thrashing about as if trying to escape, but she only cried out in ecstasy as it battered feebly against the sense-augmented cysteel linings of her walls. She held Rick’s thick, muscled neck tightly as she rode him, thrashing her hips up and down along the cold steel of Rick’s Best Friend.

“You never answered what caliber this was,” she purred.

“Nngh- thirty-six…” he replied between gritted teeth. She could feel the gun begin to vibrate, causing her to scream in pleasure as she climaxed. Rick threw his head back, mouth open.

“You’re on the edge, Rick,” Ami stated calmly as she licked Rick’s cheek. “Give me the info for your doc, and I’ll think about letting you finish.”

“You- you can’t!”

“Don’t worry about me,” she pressed. “Give me the name of your doc, so I can get one of these sexy little numbers.”

Rick’s face contorted, flashing through phases of ecstasy and anger. Eventually, with Ami grinding her hips in slow circles above his hips, and with his gun still twitching uncontrollably within her, he moaned “Ivan… Vanko. Two s-six four o-o-oh one, old CIA HQ.”

“Thank you,” Ami hissed. She pressed her mouth against his and blew into his lungs, spreading the antidote. The effect took hold immediately, and Rick screamed as a shot rang out from below him. Ami felt a sudden harsh pressure within her, sending her over the edge again. She screamed with Rick, matching his fear with her arousement.

Rick slumped back against the wall, motionless. Ami pulled herself off of him, feeling suddenly empty, and stood before his form. She plunged two fingers into her pussy, dug around for a few seconds, then withdrew a small bit of metal, squashed into a mushroom shape. Ami placed it next to Rick, then leaned down next to his crotch. The gun now hung limp, and she picked it up longingly.

“Soon,” she said as she caressed it with her cheek. “Oh you big boy, it’s gonna be soon.”

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