101 reasons fingers are better
Introduction:
You don’t have to smile at them afterwards
You don’t have to get out of bed to fetch them
They don’t get tired before you do…
You always know where your fingers have been
For variety, you have ten to choose from
They are also useful *out* of bed
You can stop if you want to
Your fingers don’t want to meet your family
Your fingers don’t get jealous
Your fingers don’t smell
Your fingers won’t just fall asleep afterwards
Your fingers don’t want you to meet *their* family
You don’t get jealous of your fingers
Your fingers don’t mind if you fall asleep afterwards
Your fingers won’t let you down (Snowwhite)
Your fingers don’t want to watch a football match instead
Your mother won’t critisize your fingers
You can’t get pregnant from your fingers
Your fingers don’t need batteries
People aren’t surprised to find you have them
Fingers don’t need adaptors to covert American plugs to English ones (I’ve heard this can be a problem.)
They don’t shrink afterwards (Snowwhite)
You always have them with you
You can chew on them when you are nervous (Snowwhite)
You can use more than 1 at a time
They are agile
They’ll never leave you (Snowwhite)
You don’t have to make your fingers coffee in the morning (Gideon)
You can also use them to clean the wax out of your ears (Gideon)
They want to when you want to
They don’t take up half the bed at night
They are easy to clean
If the ones you are using get tired, you can switch to some of the others
They don’t demand acrobatics in bed
They don’t want to try out stuff they heard from friends
You can use them to try out stuff *you* heard from friends without worrying about it going horribly wrong
They don’t look worried when *you* want acrobatics in bed
Your fingers don’t give you bite-marks (Addition: unless you *like* bite-marks)
You can share them with a friend
Fingers don’t cheat on you
Fingers don’t have hidden wifes/girlfriends/husbands/boyfriends/children
Your fingers don’t yelp when you give them bite marks
For variety you can paint them any colour you want?
It’s not suspicious if you take them to the toilet with you
Since they come on 2 hands, you can use them on 2 places at the same time
They write your e-mail for you
You can use them for netsex when company is required
They’re compatible with a wide range of leather goods and electrical appliances
No one ever fell in love with their fingers
They’ll change the video channel for you
You can use them to write down your fantasy and share it with people
They won’t ask: Am I the first?
You can type with them (although I’d rather like to see a man… *whistle*)
They won’t be disgusted when you have your period
They don’t snore, fart, burp or have smelly breath
They don’t want you to swallow
They don’t whistle after other, better-looking women or men
They don’t care if your hair is a mess
You don’t have to tell them how you’d like it
They don’t brag how great they are
They don’t cost you time, money or patience
They don’t want to know where you were last eveing
Your friends don’t criticise them
Their friends don’t criticise you (fingers don’t *have* friends)
Afterwards, they won’t ask: ‘Did you come?’ (Eva T.)
They don’t leave you to sleep in the wet spot (Eleni)
They don’t mind if you scream ‘oh yes, *METHOS*!!’
They’re useful for scooping up nutella, chocolate, lube (take your pick) and smearing it in the appropriate places… (Claire)
Fingers don’t ask who you are fantasizing about (Cher)
They don’t have STDs (Mona)
Fingers are more sensitive to what you are feeling (LP)
Unlike zucchinis, you don’t have to bring them to room temperature (tyree)
You won’t be crushed underneath them in bed (Che & Wes)
They come in varing sizes – thumb to pinkie, or any combination thereof, it’s up to you (Che & Wes)
There’re extremely gentlemanly – they’ll open doors for you, pull your chair out, and even cook you dinner! (Che & Wes)
They won’t finish just before you reach orgasm (Eva T.)
You don’t have to worry wether or not they wont come back after a goodnight
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