Introduction

As I start posting I realize there will likely be requests to explain a few things like who we are, where we came from, how we arrived here, and finally why I want to begin telling our story. Those details will gradually be embedded in everything I write while trying to be as close as possible to the actual experiences we’ve had over the past 24 years. I will be honest, giving you the highs and the lows of our alternative lifestyle. Although I believe we both have few regrets, this journey wasn’t always easy…especially for me. I love what we learned but I’m not writing this trying to sell any aspect of our lifestyle. We’ve come to realize few couples can navigate all the shores we visited.

This will be a long story or most likely dozens of stories, a kind of documentary of sexual adventures between two educated and professional people, married nearly 44 years with a large happy family of kids and grand kids. Add to that, I was an ordained senior pastor for 12 of those early years and somewhat known with a local and international ministry… Until I resigned the stateside ministry to focus on my real passion, a blossoming ministry in the abroad. That decision to move, the ensuing six months of preparation, studying a foreign language, preparing our team, the funding and the last minute obstruction, led me to a place of an ongoing sabbatical from ministry and an inescapable life review. In its place was a progression of self generated business expressions and time for serious investigations into the one area I was most uncomfortable to teach or counsel… Sexuality. We approached this through the eyes of marriage counselors, often in an analytical way, marveling at how healthy broad inclusive sexuality can be compared to our prior prejudicial perspectives. What we learned on this journey became in many ways defined by “truth can be stranger than fiction.”

We explored the Hot Wife thing first although back then I don’t think that term had been invented yet. Open Marriage was the common term. It happened to be the predominant topic on a late night radio show we which we occasionally followed. At the time it was the highest rated late night show in America. The host was a very sexy woman with a sultry voice and she explored all things sexual with plenty of guest interviews. We often heard couples talking about how the husband prepped his wife before her “date…” A sexual date with her new guy driving up to the house and her husband giving a loving kiss as she left with full knowledge she was going to get her brains fucked out! What’s more and inconceivably, the husband loved this weird arrangement. The stories were simply outrageous to both of us at the time. Unthinkably perverted… yet somehow intriguing. I’m sure some seeds were sown during those shows that would eventually sprout in the future.

Our Hot Wife experiences eventually led to years of swing club experiences which included starting and managing clubs and sex with hundreds of couples or singles. Those experiences opened the door to bisexuality, to teaching massage to countless couples first through swinging and then at group massage clubs we started. We even taught massage at national conventions to well over 200 people at the same time! That led to my wife working at our State’s most upscale gentleman’s club for nearly three years, one of our most valued experiences. Somewhere along the line we even dabbled with BDSM. During much of the time we explored polyamory relationships for both of us, which led to lecturing at notable national conventions about polyamory, which directly led us to living together in a MFM triad relationship. Finally, after all that we separated, each with different lovers for ten years. Believe it or not all of the above was done with minimal resentment or accusation. Our continual friendship allowed us to reunite later when we hit our 60’s where we are now but with rich life experiences we would never have known if we had stayed together those ten years.

In the coming chapters I’ll tell you exactly how it happened to us, a couple as conservative as they come. Christian. Republican. Right to Lifers. Rush Limbaugh listeners. A couple who once sincerely believed masterbation was wrong and oral sex was perversion sex. You will also learn what worked and didn’t work in opening up new sexual ideas and desires with us both.

In telling this story my intent will not be to denigrate the established church. They arguably have some valid roles in our society. I will however expose what I now believe to be fraudulent aspects of the typical Christian dogma regarding an array of sexual expressions. I hope to help, maybe heal some of the pain caused by that dogma and its respondent guilt, and to free as many as I can to more fully embrace sexuality, enjoying eroticism as our Creator intended. To that end I view the last 24 years as a quest to discover and understand “Truth vs Indoctrinated Tradition.” Glean from what we’ve learned…what you will.

Finally, I don’t pretend to be a good erotic writer and I have some apprehension in taking on the criticism I know will be forthcoming from my lack of skill and chosen style. So try to be kind and patient. I’m not sure how much time this writing will take out of my busy schedule. I will post as often as possible. There’s much to tell and much even after all these years to process. Maybe recounting and writing it down will help with that.

Chapter One

How It All Started

Have you ever been so deeply disturbed you couldn’t speak? It happened to me back in February of 1994. So I went for a hour long soul searching and prayerful walk. My wife of 20 years, faithful years, joyful years, had just confessed that her 28 year old night supervisor, ten years her younger had been hitting on her every night…for weeks. I called her on it only because I began noticing new make up, new nails, new hair styling, new clothes and most telling, a new radiant glow. It was easy to see something had to be going on. The disturbing part… she was responding to the attention and obviously was attracted to him. I instinctively knew some line had been crossed in our marriage and everything from then on might be different.

Ashley was still a beautiful woman. She was a striking brunette, with long shoulder length wavy hair, matched with a killer smile, a soft radiant personality, a slim 130 lbs, medium tall at 5’8″, and delightful C cup breasts with unbelievably large protruding nipples…like I’ve rarely seen in another woman. When it comes to nipples, at least for me… Size matters!

Raising kids, building and maintaining “the nest” takes a toll on a young woman or a couple who wasn’t appreciating the need to invest in themselves or in their marriage. Ashley got momish. She got frumpy. And our marriage was exhausted by the time our kids were starting to graduate and leave home. Let me be clear. We had a great family life. Ashley was pregnant at 19 and gave me four really wonderful children. She worked hard raising the family including homeschooling them for 9 years. All the kids were very smart and tops in their classes when they entered high school. They entered the public system so they could play sports and three of them became athletes worthy of scholarships.

As great as our family life was I never forgot…Ashley chose to be with me rather than travel the world. I loved her for all she gave up to be with me.

For years we were an exceptional team in counseling other marriages within and without our church. We are both empaths. We love people and are wired to serve others over ourselves. That became the problem. As good as our marriage was, rarely arguing, pretty good sex, and enjoying just being together no matter what we did… We were wearing out with the details of parenting and were quite surprised, maybe shocked, that all our sacrifice culminated when those kids started leaving us. We were becoming the typical empty nesters that suddenly realizes… “We are still young. What are we going to do with our lives now?” That led to Ash telling me, “I think it’s time I find a job.”

Ashley with her linguistic skills found employment at at the national offices of a large company that I will not name, but all of you would recognize it. Initially she started on the night shift 12-8. It was not ideal but it had its advantages… An eventual entrée into the lives of top management and the exciting roles they could offer. It also provided idle time, secluded areas, and perfect opportunities for a young handsome supervisor’s seduction. I had no idea what was happening until it was too late.

There was much to contemplate on that long walk. On one hand I loved the changes I saw in Ashley. She was coming back alive and radiant again. Did I really want to loose that? I knew she loved me and if I asked her to, would quit the job. But where would that leave us? Most likely she would fall back into the same funk she was in before all this and in addition would have to deal with the loss of excitement and attention the job provided. I didn’t want to put her or myself through that. On the other hand… This whole thing made me angry, intensely jealous, and insecure about what I still meant to Ash. I was in extreme mental torment and something I had never known in my 20 years with her.

Did I really want things to go back to where they were? No. Was there an alternative? Maybe, but not something that easy to imagine. My mind was racing and full of intense emotion. I was wrestling with the essence of infidelity. Only this time it wasn’t some other couple. It was too close to home. It was us and I never thought that would happen. I was pretty sure they had not slept together…yet. But from my counseling perspective I knew the physical part usually happens well after the emotional part was already in place. Once someone tastes the deliciousness of a hot new attraction, a new potential lover, the excitement is similar to taking “crack” for the first time. It’s a dopamine rush and it’s really hard not going back for more. Yup. For me that infidelity line was already crossed and was probably crossed weeks ago. It pissed me off. It was a fucking real life dilemma.

Then it hit me and I made a huge leap in my thinking. What if I let her go with it? Really go with it. What if I let her fuck him, Alex. That would let her experience that fantasy and maybe blow it up with “reality.” What’s the saying… “The only way to really deal with a temptation is to give into it!” There’s really some truth to that notion. The very moment I locked on to that thought I experienced a strange body shock, an erotic shock, an instantaneous raging hard on shock. The mere thought of letting Ash fuck someone else had never seriously occurred to me. I mean what husband ever considers that? Certainly not some husband that loves and adores his wife as much as I did. Even still, it seemed so hot in an outrageous way and at the same time made me so angry/jealous. It was the most intense mind fuck I had ever experienced. After the hour walk I knew there was really only one choice…because I still had that “hard on.”

When I got back Ashley was home alone in the bedroom cleaning. I said, “Darling we need to talk. Come over and lay down with me.”

She did and soon we were making out, clothes were coming off, and she was stroking that hard on while I was playing with her clit while sucking on those luscious nipples. We were both getting close. Both hotter than we normally were together when I slowed down and said, “I want to discuss this Alex thing before we cum. If we cum I don’t think I can tell you this.” She stopped and turned to me with a very apprehensive face. I decided to continue playing with her clit while saying… “I can’t ask you to quit. I know you love your job. I know you love the attention Alex is giving you.”

“Jim…I’ll quit! I don’t want this to come between us. It’s not that important.”

“I know that Ash. Neither do I,” I replied. “But if you quit what then? Go back to where you were? Semi depressed? And then have to deal with the loss of everything you now enjoy? No Ash there is another way. Let’s just go with this. Play it out. Enjoy the excitement and attention Alex is giving you. It will be hot as hell and we can share that together. Look at yourself. You’re all turned on and hotter than you’ve been in years. That’s because Alex is making you feel desirable again. I can’t do that for you the way he can. I really can’t and you know that is true if you are being honest with both of us.”

With a voice that had some panic in it, Ash said, “Jim, I don’t need that. I’ll quit next week!”

“Ash… I don’t want you to quit. I like the new woman I see in you. I don’t want to loose that. Please. I want you to go forward with this. Enjoy it. I want you to fuck him.”

“You’ve got to be kidding! I would never do that! How can you even say that Jim? You’re the only man I’ve ever known. I’m NOT fucking him! I’ll NEVER fuck him!”

So there is was. Everything out in the open. Total resistance to my permission and the proposal might have died right there except for one thing. I was still massaging her clit and I knew her well enough to know she was close to cumming. That meant this was hot for her. That meant the idea of fucking Alex was down deep pretty erotic. So I said…

“Ash just consider how hot we are together right now. How many years has it been since we’ve felt this way? Do you want to loose that? We can take it slow. Give it some time and see if you want to accept some his advances… slowly, and only if it feels right to both if us. I have one rule. You have to tell me about it every time something happens. Every detail. That way nothing happens that we don’t share together. No secrets because we will live it all together…Step by step. Look at me Ash. I’m as hard as a rock. Doesn’t that tell ya how damn intense this is for me just considering what you are going to experience? Ash, has he kissed you yet? Let him. I know you’ll enjoy it.”

Maybe she had. I’m not certain but that is when I really knew what she was thinking. Ashley started quivering, cumming harder than I had seen in years, if ever. It made me cum too and she wasn’t even touching me. A type of spontaneous eruption I had never experienced.

Now what 41 year old guy, married 20 years to the same woman ever gets to experience that? That’s teenage sex! When it was over we just hugged and Ashley started sobbing. Things had changed and were going to change much more… and we both knew it.

Chapter Two

The Transformation

If there is one thing I’ve learned from those early experiences with Ash it is this. Never ever ever attempt to suggest, prompt, encourage, inquire or discuss new sexual ideas or plans while in the left brain mode, the problem solving mode. Always, and my friend I mean always, talk sex when she feels sexy.

Ideally talk sex when in bed and after she is in a excited erotic state. That means you should be on her clit with your hand or mouth, bringing her close but not allowing an orgasm. Edging her. Lots of ideas will seem good at that time as opposed to the logical mind or the post climax type of thinking. It would seem that this strategy is just common sense but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve counseled guys that continually make the mistake of bringing things up over coffee, or in what they think is a perfect time… On a romantic night in a public restaurant where she will normally be nervous as hell that others might be eavesdropping. That’s extreme left brain territory! Those same guys usually think they somehow just got the words wrong and want me to then give them a magic script that will convince their wives to go to some club or have a threesome or a variety of other sexual new steps.

After a lifetime of varied sexual experiences, eroticism is still a mystery to me. Sure, I know it’s got a lot to do with brain chemistry. But it’s more than that. Eroticism is entirely right brain, and full of imagination, creativity, hope and possibilities. Getting on an erotic high and riding it like a wave is very similar to using a drug to change your life. Except it’s natural and it’s safe. It also turns your black and white world to color. That’s why some of our most creative people, our artisans, writers, musicians, all have used a protracted sexual high to launch them into right brain activity ending their type of left brain “writer’s block.” It’s been my quest to understand that phenomena… To get on erotic highs, deny orgasms, and ride thise waves to accomplish more and create more with my right brain. That my friend is rarified air. That is the essence of a wonderful life. Cumming on the other hand needs to be strategically planned otherwise it will just ruin it all and causing you crash your plane back down to earth!

Ashley and I talked excessively over the next six months. We spent many hours in that erotic buzzed zone. That’s where I discovered the power of edging to erase resistance lodged in the left brain. That’s where we discovered our cultural indoctrination exists and where our “gross out limits” exist. Here’s the thing about gross out limits… They are malleable. One day oral sex may seem gross. The next day you discover it’s hot as hell. There are a myriad of “sexual limits” just like that. Looking back, it’s amazing to see how many of those lines Ash and I crossed. Each time it was like opening a brand new room full of fun and adventure…like oral sex and swallowing cum. Ash got so she loved it. Loved the power surge she felt when she caused a guy to climax in her mouth. “It’s so up close and personal. It’s feeling how much power I have over the guy at that moment!” she would tell me. One of the hottest scenes I’ve ever watched was her giving 12 professional guys blow jobs, one right after another, all lined up on high stools while a crowd watched. Hot as hell for her and one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever watched. There was a day when that would’ve been unthinkably gross, perverted and offensive to both of us.

Our favorite time to edge was in bed 9-11 pm just before she went to work at mid nite. Those times were full of anticipation. Sweet anticipation. I loved feeling her eroticism. She would kind of vibrate or shiver…and bit by bit was being transformed into a woman that loved the thrill of sexual imagination. How many wives, married twenty years or not, ever experience such intense fantasy exploration with their husbands? It was an adventure we shared that could not be duplicated with any other activity. Any other activity! We stopped going to movies and a variety of other forms of entertainment because we discovered a form of sex that trumped everything!

I’m searching for words to describe how hot it was to build the anticipation for being with Alex all night. We would imagine what might happen when they took breaks together or spend lunch hours together. When would they first kiss? What would that be like? When would he unbutton her blouse? What would he think when he saw those monstrous nipples? What kind of bra should she be wearing? What kind of panties? If any? Or especially how should her pussy be groomed?

Grooming. I came to spend dozens of hours tweezing her stunning vagina. Plucking was so much better than shaving. No stubble. It was like sculpturing a master piece leaving the most inviting “landing strip” above her clit but smooth everywhere else. It never was painful to Ash. In fact I think it was hypnotic. This was me prepping her to show off her most private area to another goddamn guy! That was anticipation in spades! I was so proud of her pussy and got so I wanted to show it off to the whole fucking world. (That’s a future chapter!) Not all vaginas are beautiful to me. I’ve “done my research” and have seen several hundred “up close and personal.” Ash may have the prettiest one I’ve ever seen. Its stunning. It’s perfect. Like a flower.

The Alex affair didn’t progress to sex very rapidly. For the first month nothing much happened other than Alex realizing this amazingly beautiful woman truly wanted his attention. He was shy and cautious and slowly got more bold and confident only when he started to really believe he was welcome to proceed without sexual harassment charges being an issue. Alex was a talented energetic charismatic kinda guy. Handsome, in shape, worked out, huge cock, and alone in a beautiful home with a gorgeous enclosed pool area. Yea, your basic jealous husband’s fucking nightmare. It was obvious he was going to climb that corporate ladder rather quickly. Ashley was to him an unexpected, dangerous yet totally irresistible distraction…and a prize he ultimately coveted.

Ashley’s desk was isolated so Alex could drop by anytime unnoticed. Within a few weeks he was with her as much as possible. The attention he gave was clearly seductive to Ash. I mean what woman wouldn’t find it exciting to have a young handsome talented guy starting to idolize her? She talked about this all the time, acting incredulous that this could actually be happening to her. While in bed together and playing with her pussy Ash became a new woman, free, uninhibited, and more self actualized.

I remember the night when she confided they had their first kiss. It was fucking hot hearing her describe it. She was nervous telling me, almost trembling as she described crossing that line. “I’m a married woman! I’ve got a husband and four kids! I shouldn’t be doing this! But I couldn’t stop. It made me hotter than I’ve been in years!” She told me as she quivered. Right before my eyes Ash was being transformed into a woman that loved the thrill of eroticism. We had great sex that night. I fucked her living brains out and she came multiple times. That experience kinda changed things… Alex had kissed her. She enjoyed it. She told me about it. I didn’t get mad. Instead we had some of the best sex we have ever had. I could feel it was kind of a mile stone for Ash who was still finding it difficult to believe playing around with Alex was not going to blow up in her face, alienate me and ruin our family.

Well that kiss led to many more kisses. Slowly progressing to regular longer kisses. More lingering kisses. Each time, Ash would tell me about it. Where they did it. How they avoided getting caught. When they did it and how it made her feel… Dangerous, illegal, outrageous, naughty, and erotically quivering. It continued to escalate until one night they got carried away and it turned into long long protracted French kissing, tongues down each other’s throat type of thing. Ash told me about that with a distant look in her eye, high as a kite sexually, obviously reliving the experience. It was the first time I felt she was really “with him” while we were in bed together. I had little knowledge on how I should process all that but I can tell you with certainty, that moment became the new hottest sexual sensation I had ever experienced. Ashley was becoming his, in some ways completely his sexually, my worst fear, yet unbelievably and indescribably erotic for me. There was a duality going on inside me. Simultaneously I wanted to kill him and yet I wanted her to fuck him so badly it started to make me ache. Now why was that? I adored Ash in more ways than any husband I’ve ever counseled. Why did I now want her to fuck a younger more handsome man? It was a dangerous thing to desire this so badly. Why? Why? Why? I didn’t understand it back then. I only knew it was now the pinnacle of eroticism for both of us and sharing that together was a singular experience we didn’t previously know existed. Few couples ever go there without lawyers eventually getting involved.

Well from that point on things started moving faster. Soon she was coming home describing the first time “another guy” unbuttoned her blouse and felt her up through her bra and how glad she was that she had worn her favorite, one we had picked out at Fredrick’s. I can’t describe it the way she did, almost panting. Yup. We had crossed another line.

Surprising Alex backed off for awhile. I think it scared him. Maybe he felt he had put his career in jeopardy. I don’t know. But within a week or so it happened again only this time he slid the bra down revealing those incredible breasts and massive nipples. Ash described how he gasped and the look on his face. And she LOVED it. Ash came back telling me all about it in bed the next night. “Do you realize no man has ever seen my tits but you? No one has ever touched them or stroked them or held them so tenderly or playfully pinched and sucked on my nipples. Only you… and now Alex. I think he enjoys them as much as you do, maybe more! I now have TWO men who adore me. TWO! Oh my gawd how did this ever happen? You should have seen his face. He was mesmerized. Are you sure you are ok with this? Jim, I don’t think I can stop this!”

Yea mesmerized just like I was twenty years ago. I knew at that time Ashley was addicted to his attention. I could see the change in her. We rarely talked about us any more. It was now only about them and strangely I loved it. I wanted more. I wanted it to progress to sex so badly. It was time to step it up.

Soon after the breast play became quite a regular thing, Ashley told me she wanted to take Alex to church after work Saturday night. She said she was having plenty of discussions about God and since we were going as a family to the hippest church in the city, (about 7000 people, 7 services and superb music) she said she would take him to the 9:30 service and be there when I brought the kids at the 11:00. I said sure. Thought that might work without raising too much suspicion. Except this. She never showed. I took the kids home afterwards trying to explain her absence, expecting to find her there. She wasn’t. That posed another problem because we always took the kids to a Sunday meal with our relatives, and my parents would be there. It left me in a very uncomfortable spot trying to find ways to explain to everyone why Ashley wasn’t with us.

Afterwards, when she never showed at the dinner, I was more than worried. I was livid. We had cell phones in ’94. Big clunky cell phones but her’s just went to voice mail. Worse yet I had no idea where I should go to even start looking for her and as the afternoon slipped away panic mixed with anger started to set in. This was anything but erotic. What had I done? Have I lost her? Is she in trouble? Will she even come home? How could I ever go on without her… Little did I know. This was only the beginning.