The Judgment of Sgt. J Chapter 8 What or Who have I Become

“Do a small bit of this and the voices will go away,” I said to Kay as I handed her the small vial of cocaine.

“Does John know you have this?” Kay asked me.

“No, it is not like I use it every hour or anything.” “I use it when I feel down that is all,” I replied. “John and you should go away for a while or at least for a weekend,” I added.

I had not lied to Kay, as I was not using coke every hour just every day. It made me think clearer until it started to cloud my judgment. I never did it around John, as I knew he would spot it right away. It was not as if he would turn me in or anything I just did not want the big lecture on using drugs. I was a big girl and knew what I was doing or at least I thought I did.

I had found out in my talks with John he was beginning to think Sherri was Melissa reincarnated. I had never been a big believer in that. However, I never believed in Angels until I met John. His connection with Carrie both while she was alive and then in the after life was strange enough. However, his adoptive daughter Sherri had known things she should not have known. In some ways, I was beginning to think he was right.

I had asked her once about Angel Carrie. Sherri had told me when the time was right she would tell me what she had told her about me. When we were together in the hospital before John woke up Sherri had taken by hand.

“John will return, you saved him and now he must save you,” Sherri said to me.

I tried to get her to explain to me however, she would not tell me. She only told me when the time came John would save you. I could not tell if she was speaking the truth or just making this all up in her head. I had read articles about how one’s mind works. I did it to learn more about my brother’s problem. I started to read all I could on the inner workings of your mind again trying to figure out John’s as well as Sherri’s connection or problem. I was not for sure if it was a good thing or bad at this time.

When John came home from the hospital after battling malaria Kay did not want him to return to work right away. Sherri watched him while Kay ran his construction company along with Frank his partner. I would stop over after work as John was having a rough time dealing with the fact that something from Vietnam had almost taken him again some 15 years later.

He was also not happy about the fact that Kay and Sherri babied him. They both treated him sometimes as if he was helpless. There was nothing wrong with John physically the problem he was having now lie in his mind. I talked to him whenever I could as I was trying to help him.

John told me he was going stir crazy just sitting at home and having “Florence Nightingale” and her daughter treat me as if he could do nothing on his own. I spoke to Kay and to Sherri about not treating him like that or they could anger the monster within him.

“All men like to be waited on hand and foot,” Kay said to me when I spoke to her about this.

“He is my daddy and I will treat him how I want,” Sherri replied when I spoke to her.

I warned them both and a few days later Kay was the first to find out what I was trying to tell them. I had spent the night and I was in the bedroom getting ready to go to work myself. Kay was already dressed for work and so was John. However, Kay told him he was not going to work, as he needed to rest. I decided I have better go get between them before one of them said something they did not really mean. As I walked out of the bedroom, I heard.

“John, your company is doing just fine without you,” “If Frank or I need your help we know where to find you,” Kay said.

“I suppose Frank is taking care of my other duties as well,” John replied his voice full of anger.

“Just what do you mean by that, JOHN?” Kay asked with anger in her voice.

“He is handling my company so why not my wife,” John said angrily back to her.

“JOHN, HOW DARE YOU,” Kay screamed as I heard her hand land against the side of his face. “JOHN, what ever your problem is you have better get over it quick or I will do it for you,” Kay yelled as she walked out slamming the back door.

John yelled, “Don’t go away mad just go away.”

That back door swung open and Kay walked back into the kitchen. Kay might have been suffering from a little bit of do not fuck with me I have not had my coke yet today or maybe just PMS. What ever it was she left John have it as she stood in the kitchen.

Kay shook her finger at him as she screamed, “That’s it MISTER don’t wait for me to return home tonight because I won‘t be,” slamming the door and running to her car.

I went to the sofa and I just stood in front of John with my arms folded in front of me. He looked at me and I watched the anger leave his eyes as he looked at me. I just shook my head at him. He told me he would send her flowers at work with his apology. I smiled to him as I walked back to the bedroom.

I knew he had seen me as Carrie standing over him. He had told me a while back that when she was anger with him all she had to do was to fold her arms in front of her and he knew he was in hot water. I had no sooner got into the bedroom than I heard Sherri asking him about yelling at mom.

“Because I just fucking wanted too that’s why,” John replied yelling at her.

Sherri said, “I just fucking asked JOHN.” Sherri added, “Don’t be starting any shit with me or I will bust you up along side of your fucking head,” “Don’t fuck with me JOHN it is my time of the month.”

“Young lady you watch your mouth,” John yelled getting up from the sofa.

I was on my way out to them when “Fuck you daddy, that is the only way to get through to you sometimes,” Sherri screamed back. “Come on fuck with me, I will plant my foot into your balls and give you something to be pissed about,” Sherri added as she moved into one of her karate stands.

I was a little concern when she did. I was not for sure how John or the other John would take. However, I had nothing to worry about as John rather smiled at her then asked her if she wanted some breakfast.

Sherri told him that would be nice and that she would help. They went into the kitchen and started to help each other with making breakfast. I called for John and he came into the living room.

I took my hand and I stroked at the side of his face as I said, “The fiercest anger of all, the most incurable, is that which rages in the place of dearest love.”

John knew what I meant as he went to Sherri and took her hand telling her he was sorry for his outburst. He explained his outburst to her asking her to forgive him. Sherri kissed him on his cheek as she told him there was nothing to forgive.

I walked into the kitchen and Sherri came to me. She wrapped her arms around me. She kissed me fully on my lips then pulled her lips from mine as she hugged me tightly.

“Thanks Cathy you always have looked out for me unlike another,” she whispered into my ear.

They wanted me to join them for breakfast however; I told them I was running late. I really was not but I did not do my coke in their house. I drove to a near by park and snorted my morning dose. As the rush of happiness filled my mind, I thought about that kiss Sherri had given me. It had not felt like a thank you kiss. It felt more like a want you kiss.

John and Kay made up when she came home. He promised her that it would not happen again. Kay accepted his apology however; her voices would not let her accept his promise.

A couple of weeks later John had some construction convention to go to over the weekend he asked Kay to come along. Kay had her voices under control as she was on her second vial by then. I had plenty so I did not mind sharing with her after all; she was sharing her man with me.

I had told Kay I would stay with Sherri even in the fact she was old enough to watch herself. Kay had called me at work just before noon to tell me they were on their way and would see us again come Sunday. I told her to have fun and to give John a little from me as well.

I finished up at the office at about two and decided that was enough for the week. I drove straight to John’s place as I had enough clothes stored there by now to get me through the weekend. I pulled into the driveway and parked my car. I walked into the house thinking I would find Sherri in the kitchen or watching TV in the living room.

She was not so I went to the fancy drawing room John had designed and built especially for her. Sherri loved this room and she spent most of her time there with Coco her dog a chocolate lab. Coco was a sweet dog however; he was sometimes over protective of Sherri.

That dog had given Kay and I that little snarl look with a low growl more than a few times when we had approached her. The only person Coco would even let near her with his tail wagging was John. I noticed the drawing room door closed as I walked up the hallway. I was waiting for Coco to start barking as I got to the door. However, no bark came from him.

I opened the door partly to see Coco lying under the drawing table as Sherri sat on the stool behind the table. Coco lifted his head tilting it at me then laid his head right back down. I could see that Sherri was doing something and she had not heard me walk into the room. I walked over to her until I was standing along side of her.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

Sherri almost jumped from the stool she was sitting on when I asked that. I must have scared her or something. She covered what ever was in front of her as she looked at me then under the table to Coco.

“Thanks Coco, such a good watch dog is you,” Sherri said to her dog as I noticed she was trying to hide a book or something on her drawing table.

“What is that you have there?” I asked looking to the book.

“Nothing just an old book of art that is all,” Sherri replied in a manner that told me it was more than that.

“It’s OK to keep secrets from me, I was your age once too,” I said smiling.

“It’s not a secret,” “I just can not show you,” Sherri replied.

“It’s OK Sherri, I am always here for you,” I said to her. “How about pizza for our dinner,” I added as I walked away from her drawing table.

I got to the door and Sherri replied, “That would be fine.” Sherri looked down at Coco as she added, “You go with her boy.”

I was shocked when that dog came over to me sat down and looked up at me. The only time this dog had ever came to me was when John would tell him to go see Cathy. I started out the door as Coco followed. That damn dog followed me out into the kitchen. Coco sat at my feet staring up at me.

That dog just stared at me I thought he was looking up the skirt I had on but then he looked to the refrigerator. Coco did this two or three times before, I realized what he wanted. I walked to the refrigerator with Coco right behind me his tail wagging a mile a minute.

“I know what you want,” I said to him as I opened the refrigerator door.

I looked around until I saw a big round bowl sitting on the shelf. I popped the lid off and I reached into the bowl grabbing a handful of trail bologna pieces that dog and John both loved. I held a piece down to Coco. He placed his nose against it with his eyes looking up at me. I was waiting for him to take it from my hand then I remembered.

“Its OK Coco daddy will share it,” I said as Coco gently took the piece.

I had forgotten John had trained him never to take something out of his hand unless he told him he would share it. John had lost many hamburgers and hot dogs by being careless around him as well as ice cream cones which were another favorite of Coco‘s.

I took the goodies into the living room with me. Coco followed me to the sofa where I sat down. He sat down on the floor looking beside me. I patted next to myself telling him to get up here. Coco jumped up and he lay down with his head on my thigh.

I rubbed between his ears with one hand as I fed him trail bologna with the other. When it was all gone, Coco gave me a big lick to the side of my face then he laid his head onto my thigh just as he did every night with John. Sherri came walking into the living room with that book under her arm. Coco raised his head as he gave her a snarl and a low growl.

“COCO,” Sherri yelled as she stopped in her tracks.

That dog barked once then ran to her with his tail wagging as Sherri petted him between his ears. “Looks like you made a new friend boy,” she said to that dog then looked to me. Coco looked at me as he barked twice then came over to me and sat at my feet looking back to Sherri.

“Go lie down boy,” Sherri said as she came over and sat down beside me. She looked at me then to Coco as she added, “If you trust her boy I do too.”

Sherri took the book from under her arm and placed it on her lap as she asked, “Cathy, if I tell you something will you promise not to tell daddy?”

“Whatever you tell me will be between us only,” I replied.

Sherri handed me the book she had on her lap as she said, “Angel Carrie has really visited me in my dreams.” “This is Carrie’s journal and that is how I knew some parts of his story.”

I took the journal from her. As I opened it on the backside of the cover, I saw this. “John I will always love you and promise to always be there for you,” Carrie.

On the first page written at the top was, “The Physiological Effects of the Vietnam War on my Beloved Husband John.”

“Where did you get this Sherri?” I asked with astonishment.

She told me she had found it in the basement in a box along with old photos of John and Carrie. Sherri picked up the journal and flipped through the journal until a photo slipped from it. She picked it up then handed me the photo.

“If you take your glasses off Cathy you would look just like her,” Sherri said smiling at me.

I stared at the woman in the picture before me. She looked about Sherri‘s age seventeen or eighteen. Her body looked toned and fit; she had on a skimpy tiny yellow bikini that barely covered her lovely breasts. The photo had age on it but you could still see her golden rich tan, the long blonde hair upon her head and that unmistakable smile of Carrie’s.

She was a very beautiful as well as sexy woman. I also noticed Sherri was right if I was to remove my glasses I could almost pass as her twin. I knew then why John always removed my glasses when I was with him.

“I might look like her a little but your body is closer to hers than mine,” I said to her handing her the photo.

“She was very beautiful,” Sherri replied looking at the photo. Sherri turned to me and she reached up removing my glasses as she added, “Like you are today,” as she moved her face toward mine.

I should have stopped her but I did not. Sherri’s lips touched mine as the journal slipped from my hands onto the sofa. Her arms wrapped around me as I wrapped mine around her. Her young lips fell upon mine as she kissed me. I opened my mouth to take in her tongue she had offered to me. Our tongues twirled in each other’s mouths as my eyes closed. Her young tender lips upon mine made me think back to my first kiss with Kay. I felt my nipples growing hard as her hand touched my knee.

I felt her hand as it went from my knee up to my nylon-covered thighs. Coco barked causing us both to break our kiss. He ran to the front door where he sat down looking outside. That dog just sat there staring out the screen door.

“The pizza man must be on the way,” I said to Sherri as that dog had a second sense when it came to someone coming to the house.

“We can finish this later,” Sherri replied licking my lips with her tongue.

About 3 or 4 minutes later, the pizza man pulled into the driveway. Coco barked letting us know he was here. Sherri told Coco to go into the kitchen as I paid for the pizza. We went into the kitchen where we filled our plates and returned to the living room. As we ate, Sherri and I talked about John mostly as she had been with him during one of his flashbacks. Then she asked me if I knew why John had not asked her or me to go with them.

“Because they need time alone,” I replied.

Sherri hung her head down as she said, “Mom doubting her love for him again.”

“Your mom has troubling accepting or loving any man because of what she has been through,” I replied lifting her head.

“She never loved me,” Sherri said as tears filled her eyes.

“Sherri that is not true,” I replied.

“YES IT IS or she would not have done what she did.” “She left those men hurt us and she left one turn her into a WHORE,” Sherri yelled.

“Sherri, your mom loves you,” I replied. “Didn’t she ever tell you why she did nothing?” I asked her.

“NO and I don’t care why because I hate her and wish she would just leave,” Sherri said. “I wish she would have left me with you.” “You always cared about me not like her,” she added.

I did not explain to Sherri why Kay had done what she had. I felt it was not my place to be having this talk about her mom with her. This was something they had to work out between themselves as mother and daughter. I knew someday they would or at least I hoped they would because John has noticed their little problem and to him he was to blame.

“But then you might not have found your new daddy,” I replied smiling to her.

Sherri wiped her eyes as she said, “John would have found you because you remind him of Carrie.” “He might even love you more than he does mom,” she added.

“Sherri John…” was all I got out from my lips before she pressed her finger to them.

“It’s OK Cathy I know you love John I see it in your eyes,” Sherri said to me.

“What do you see in John’s eyes?” I asked her.

“I see a brave man alone in the jungles of Vietnam who is searching for the one he truly holds in his heart.” “I see a man who is in pain because he can no longer hold the woman he wants to in his arms.” “I see a desperate man one who may do anything to be with his one true love,” Sherri said to me.

“Sherri your daddy would never try that again,” I said to her fighting back my tears as memories of my brother came into my mind.

Sherri’s eyes filled with sadness as she replied, “It’s hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.” “It is even harder to go on without them.” “But so easy to end your pain.”

“I have to go shower,” I said as I got off the sofa and ran for the bedroom.

I closed the door and I sat on the bed and cried into my hands. Sherri was right I was deeply and madly in love with John. I would do anything to make him mine. Sherri was right about what she saw in his eyes as well. I have seen the same when I was with him. I had always thought John was strong enough to fight that urge to join Carrie and Melissa once more.

I undressed and got into the shower hoping that was true. The warm water cascaded down my body as I stood under the spray. It felt relaxing as it splashed on my face and upon my breasts as well. The water flowed over my breasts and dripped from my nipples. My hands went to my breasts as I lightly rolled my fingers over and around my nipples. I pinched at my nipples making them grow even harder. The thought of John’s hand on my breasts filled my mind as I toyed with my nipples. I closed my eyes thinking of him when the glass shower door opened.

“May I join you?” Sherri asked standing there with no clothes on her body.

This girl was the true splitting image of Carrie as she stood there. Her long blonde hair flowing down past her shoulders to the tops of her lovely big 38 c tits. My eyes traveled down from her chest to her washboard abdomen. John and she worked out from time to time and her body showed it. Below her abdomen, my eyes fell upon a patch of blonde hair covering her pussy. A delicate set of small pussy lips hung slightly down between her lovely thighs.

I was lost in her beauty as well as in lust for it as she stepped into the shower with me. Her arms wrapped around me as her breasts nestled against mine. Sherri looked at me with that same sadness I used to see in her eyes when she was but a child.

“Love me Cathy, make all my hurt go away,” “Please,” Sherri said pleadingly.

I placed my lips upon hers and kissed her deeply and with passion. Maybe too much passion for I enjoyed it as much as she did. The water cascaded down our body as we kissed dipping our tongues into each other’s mouths. Sherri broke our kiss pushing me back against the showers wall. She kissed and licked across my breasts as the water from the shower splashed on her back.

“AHhhh,” I moaned lightly as she suckled on one tit then the other.

I felt her hand moving up between my legs, which I parted as her hand touched my pussy. Her fingers tickled at my hanging pussy lips as she moved them through them. She was sucking gently on my tit as I felt her take a finger entering it into my pussy.

Sherri slipped her finger in and out of my pussy a few times before she placed another one inside with it as well. Her two fingers found my special spot without much searching. This sweet innocent girl knew her way around the female body. Her fingers caressed the inside of my pussy, as only another woman knows how to do. I leaned back against the shower wall as she curled her fingers up inside of my pussy.

“AHHhhh Sherri,” I cried out as her fingers swept around my special spot.

My thighs shook and my breasts heaved as my orgasm came over me. Sherri moved her mouth from my breasts to mine. She kissed me passionately as her fingers massaged at my special spot. My pussy juices started to flow coating her fingers then her hand. My body shook against hers as my orgasm peaked then slowly subsided as she kissed and licked at my face.

Sherri removed her fingers as she stepped back from me. She smiled as she brought her fingers up to her mouth. She licked at her fingers with her tongue for a while then shoved them into her mouth sucking the last of my juices from them.

I smiled at her as I said, “We have better wash before the water goes cold.”

I grabbed the soap and I lathered up those big boobs of hers. Her nipples grew hard as I rubbed the bar of soap against them. Sherri grabbed the other bar of soap and she lathered up my boobs as well. We washed each other from head to toe.

Just as we had rinsed the soap from our bodies, the water started to go cold. I turned the water off as we both stepped from the shower. We each grabbed a towel and without saying anything to one another, we dried the water from each other’s bodies. We hung our towels and I grabbed her hand.

I led her from the bathroom to that king size bed I shared with her mom and John. I pushed her onto the bed and she crawled on her back toward John’s side of the bed. She rested her head on his pillow as I climbed into the bed on top of her.

I kissed at her lips, and then licked down her neck. I ran my tongue over and around every inch of those lovely young tits of hers. I flicked my tongue at her hard nipples before I sucked one into my mouth. I suckled on her breasts as I pulled at her other nipple.

I kissed and licked my way down her body further. I ran my tongue into her belly button on my way to her blonde hairy pussy. Sherri parted her legs letting my body between them as I worked down to her pussy. She pulled her legs high into the air as my hands touched her thighs.

Her pussy lie before with butterfly lips with a light golden blonde patch of hair lying on top and some blonde hair running alongside of them. Sherri was hairy just like her mom except for it was as blonde as the hair on top of her head.

I kissed then licked at her pussy lips. I used my tongue to part them as my tongue dipped into her pussy. I moved my tongue in circles inside her pussy as her hands went to my head. Sherri pulled my head against her pussy as she bucked her hips at my face. I darted my tongue in and out of her pussy as I rubbed my nose against her clit.

“Ahhhh Cathy that feels good,” Sherri cooed as my tongue fucked her pussy.

I shoved my tongue as deep as it would reach up her pussy. I licked at the insides of her pussy. Sherri moaned as her pussy started to get soaked in her wetness. Her taste was sweet and fresh as my tongue drew in her juices.

Sherri moved her hand from my head as she grabbed the pillow from under her head. I moved my tongue up to her clit where I licked at it. Her clit swelled as my tongue teased it. I took my tongue and wrapped it around her clit as I sucked at it through my tongue.

“AHHhhhh John,” I swear I heard her moan out lightly.

I looked up to her from between her legs. Sherri had her arms wrapped around the pillow hugging it tightly with her face buried into it. I figured I must have been hearing things, as it could not have been her. I slipped two fingers into her wet pussy as I tongued at her clit. My fingers found her special spot and I heard her muffled moans through the pillow. I curled my fingers into that spot as my tongue flicked at her clit. I massaged her special spot lightly with my two fingers.

“AHhhhhhhhh Cathy,” Sherri screamed out removing the pillow from her face.

Her young body trembled on the bed as her clit swelled at my tongue. Her pussy gripped at my two fingers sucking at them. Her pussy convulsed once before her juices splashed against my face. I just kept tonguing her clit as I rubbed at her spot. Her body squirmed on the bed as orgasm after orgasm raced through her body.

I removed my fingers and my tongue as I kissed my way up to her face. I lay upon her as we kiss deeply and passionately. Sherri slips her tongue into my mouth and we French kiss as I lay on top of her. Sherri broke our kiss as she looked at me.

“No girl or boy ever made it feel like that,” Sherri said to me.

I rolled off her as I opened the nightstand beside the bed as I said, “Wait until you feel this.”

I pulled out the strap on that I shared with her mother. I slipped from the bed as I stepped into the harness. I turned to her with the big eight-inch cock sticking from where my pussy should have been. Sherri sat up in bed staring at the strap on I was wearing.

“That is a big cock you have there Cathy,” Sherri said with a smile.

“It was molded from John’s cock,” I replied which rather had just slipped out from my mouth. “Get onto your hands and knees,” I added.

Sherri went cross ways on the bed getting onto her hands and knees. I grabbed her hips and backed her up to the edge of the bed. I climbed between the parts of her legs that ran off the bed. I took the strap on cock and rubbed it against her pussy.

“AHhhhhhh,” Sherri moaned as she backed her pussy toward the strap on cock.

I dipped the head of the fake cock into her pussy. I left it there for a few seconds until she started to back up onto it. As her pussy came back, I drove forward with the strap on. With in a few strokes she and I were in rhythm as I fucked her with the strap on cock.

“AHHhhh Cathy, fuck me,” Sherri screamed as she pumped her ass back harder at the strap on cock.

I was soon giving her the full eight inches from behind. I placed my hands onto her hips and drove the strap on cock deep and hard into her pussy. Sherri grabbed that pillow again as she buried her face into it. I pumped at her pussy with my strap on as wet sounds from her pussy filled the bedroom.

I could see that her juices had coated the strap on as I moved it in and out of her pussy. I pulled the strap on from her pussy and shoved it back up her pussy quickly. I did this about three or four times before her pussy finally left out a big wet juicy pussy fart.

I slammed the strap on back up into her pussy as I lightly spanked her butt as I said, “Just like your mother.”

I fucked her hard and deep making her pussy fart as I did. I slipped my right foot up to the bed as I repositioned myself behind her. I fucked her like that for a while as I told her that John puts his foot there for more advantage when he takes us from behind.

“AHHhhhhh Fuck me with John’s cock,” Sherri moaned from the pillow.

I rather enjoy being the man when having fun with another woman so I was too lost in our game to worry about what she had said. I went to town fucking the daylights out of her. Her pussy forced the strap on from her pussy as her juices squirted from her pussy. Sherri collapsed forward onto the bed. Her body shook as the last drop of her juices squirted from her wet pink pussy.

I left her laying face down in the bed as I walked to the bathroom. I cleaned the strap on up and dried it off as Sherri walked into the bathroom. She sat down onto the toilet to pee. I looked to her smiling as her pee tinkled into the toilet.

“What are you guys into pee games too?” Sherri asked.

“Child with John we do every thing,” I replied as I walked back to the bed.

I climbed into the bed noticing Sherri had soaked John’s side of the bed just like me or her mother would have. I reached to pull John’s pillow back up to the head of the bed. When I did, I pulled his pillow into my face. I realized then that Sherri had done it to get his scent as I was.

Sherri came back into the bedroom from the bathroom. She climbed up into bed with me. We lay in each other’s arms kissing. Sherri broke our kiss as she looked to me.

“Thanks Cathy I enjoyed that and I hope to have more fun with you,” Sherri said.

“Sherri why would you want to have fun with me I am almost twice your age?” I asked her.

“Because boys are not loving or caring and the girls can not make me feel like you just did,” Sherri replied smiling to me.

“Sherri did you call out John’s name?” I asked her.

Sherri looked at me for a few seconds before she replied, “You told me anything we talk about is just between us right.”

“Yes I promise not to tell anyone anything you tell me,” I said.

“Yes, I screamed his name,” Sherri replied. “I have dreams and fantasies about him.” “However he is my daddy so we can never do anything,” she added.

“But Sherri he is not your real daddy,” I said with a little laugh.

“YES HE IS and don’t tell me he is not,” “My real daddy would never hurt me or not love me,” Sherri replied sitting straight up in bed staring at me with that same hate and anger I have seen in John’s eyes from time to time after one of his nightmares.

I wrapped her in my arms as I said, “I did not mean it like that.” “Let it out sweet child I have you and no one can hurt you.”

Sherri cried in my arms as I held her. I realized her demons were not Johns they were her own from her childhood. This sweet little innocent girl had problems dealing with them. I could hear her lightly saying between her sobs as I held her. “I hate you mommy.” “I wish you would have given me away.”

I laid us down into the bed with her still wrapped in my arms. Sherri nestled her head against my tit as she sobbed lightly. I ran my hand through her long blonde hair as I held her. She was soon peaceful and asleep as I too closed my eyes.

When I awoke the next morning, I was alone in bed. I opened the bedroom door to find Coco lying outside the door. He looked at me and tilted his head as I looked to him. I reached down and rubbed between his ears.

“I know boy and we will help her,” I said to him.

I walked out into the kitchen to find Sherri busy making breakfast. I grabbed a cup of coffee then sat down at the table. Sherri turned and smiled at me as she told me breakfast would be ready in a few minutes. I sipped my coffee as I watched her. She seemed like nothing was wrong.

She was soon serving me eggs, bacon, toast and pancakes. I waited until she joined me eating before I said anything to her. I told her if she ever needs to or wants to talk I am here for her. I also told her if she liked I would talk to her mom or to John about maybe having her go see someone.

“I am OK now,” Sherri replied to me. “Besides soon it will be just you, me and John,” she added.

I was not sure if I had heard her right so I asked, “What did you just say Sherri?”

“Nothing I was just thinking out loud,” she replied grabbing the dishes and going to the sink.“Go get dressed we are going shopping daddy gave me his credit card,” Sherri added.

I returned into the bedroom and sat down onto the bed. I thought about Sherri, I thought about Kay, I thought about John. I could not really say anything to Kay about Sherri. I had promised her I would not seduce her daughter until she was eighteen and Kay already knew Sherri hated her.

Sherri was only nice to her when John was around. The rest of the time, she would hardly even talk to her. Kay had known this for sometime but has kept it from John as Sherri had as well. I was also leery of saying anything to John as he was going through a difficult time of his own right now. I was also not sure how I having had sex with Sherri would play on his mind. I looked around the room and saw my purse on the dresser.

The answer I was looking for and needed was in there. I grabbed my purse and locked myself in the bathroom. I got into my purse and removed my own vial. I laid out a few lines and took then up my nose. Then I laid a few more lines out as I took them as well. I was soon free of all my troubles and my thoughts.

I got dressed and Sherri and I spent most of the day shopping. She was her happy self all day and night long. We made love to each other in the living room and again in the bedroom. When Sherri had fallen asleep, I got up and went into the living room to read from Carrie’s journal. Her journal was not only interesting reading but also helpful with understanding what had happened to John.

The next day I asked Sherri if I might keep the journal for a while to learn more of John’s problem. She told me I could and she told me there were others as well. However, she would not allow me to see the others until she was done with them. Sherri and I cleaned the house up Sunday so no evidence of our fun together lie around.

Sherri asked me if I would still have fun with her when her mom returned. I agreed to having more fun with her but only if we kept it from John and her mom for now. Later that day as we sat in the living room Sherri even told me something that shocked me.

“Cathy, don’t ask me how I know but mom will soon leave John,” Sherri said.

I started to say something and her finger went to my lip as she added, “When she does I would like you to become mommy to daddy,” “The three of us can be together and you and I will have John together.”

I did not have time to say anything as her lips pressed against mine. She kissed me deeply and passionately. Coco barked and he ran to the front door. We broke our kiss as he sat down looking to the driveway.

Sherri looked at me as she said, “John and mom must be on their way,” before she walked to her drawing room.

I sat there not knowing what to make of what she had told me. It was getting to where I did not know what was real or a dream anymore. If this was just a dream, it was turning quickly into a nightmare. I ran into the bedroom for my purse. I pulled out my vial only to find it empty.

John and Kay soon arrived home. John did not look very happy when he walked into the house. Sherri came out and she hugged him kissing him on his cheek and telling him that she had missed him.

John smiled at her then looked to Kay as he asked, “What about your mother?”

Sherri went to Kay and she made a fuss over her as well. I knew every word she had said to her were fake with no meaning or feelings. I also could see that Kay knew it as well.

Kay and John sat with us for while telling of their weekend. In some ways, they seemed to not have had enjoyed it. I told them I had to be getting home. Which was not my reason for leaving?

I left because I was out of my happy drug and without it; the pain I felt for having to be someone else to get his love was coming back. I soon blew that out of my mind when I got high once more. In the next few weeks, I was doing more coke than ever for many reasons. One of them was just what had I become for I no longer knew whether I was Cathy or Carrie.

Kay and Sherri would call me at work through the week. When they did it was always the same could you stop over and talk with John he is acting strange. When I did, he told me he was having trouble with flashbacks. Any sound linked to Vietnam set him back to that place. He told me Kay and Sherri were not helping by trying to hide they did not get along. John blamed himself for them not getting along.

“It also seems that every woman I know is wearing White Diamond even Sherri smells of it,” John said to me. “To make it worst I am seeing her as Carrie from time to time,” he added.

I could see how upset he was and I had to do something or two things could happen. John would see this as his problem alone in which he would handle it the only way he knew. That was to run away from his problems as he did when he ran off to fight in Vietnam. That or that inner voice the monster in him might tell him that he would be better off joining Angel Carrie.

I knew this from reading Carrie’s journal. It took me awhile to understand just what she was talking about in her journal. The monster as John calls it is nothing more than his conscience. That thing that gave us all the inner sense of what is right or wrong in one’s conduct or motives, impelling one toward right action: to follow the dictates of conscience. The subconscious of your mind can suddenly become your conscious mind relating to or concerned with a part of the mind that is capable of thinking, choosing, or perceiving.

Flashbacks, hallucinations, dreams as well as nightmares or even that feeling you get thinking something is not right. They all live and grow deep within your subconscious mind. With John, somehow he had managed to combine his conscience with his subconscious mind. It may have been the rejection, he felt toward Terri. Carrie had even written it might have been when she entered his life.

I had read that journal with hopes of helping John however, in doing so I learned something about myself instead. I was in the process of swapping my conscious mind for my subconscious one. In one, I was Cathy and in the other, I was Carrie. John saw me, as Carrie and he loved me as Carrie so my subconscious mind was taking over and turning me not only into Carrie for John but for myself as well.

What scared me the most was something else that Carrie had written about this condition? She had read a case study on this phenomenon; it concerned a subject whom only lived life fully in the subconscious part of their mind. This meaning the patient was unable to judge right from wrong or even function in a near normal way. The subject was committed to an asylum to protect him as well as others Carrie had written.

Was that what was to become of me? To be locked away from John, Kay, Sherri and even that lovable dog named Coco. When my mind was not pretending to be Carrie those were my thoughts. I erased those thoughts from my mind by doing more coke. I soon realized that doing coke was only making it worst. However, I was addicted to coke by this time and as I had no will of my own, I could not stop.

John, Kay and Sherri were all working as a family in the construction business. Kay ran the office dealing with the clients as well as bringing in new ones. Frank did most of the designing while John did the building. Sherri helped John and even ran her own crew on some jobs. Their business was good however; it was only adding more stress on John.

He hardly ever slept and when he did, it was only a few hours a day. On the weekends when I was there when he awoke from a nightmare, I would join him out on the sofa. I would sit on the sofa and John would lay his head in my lap. We would talk and I would gently stroke my hand to the side of his face. John would fall asleep and get a few extra hours of sleep when he did Coco would leave his spot in front of the fireplace.

That damn dog would come over and lay at my feet with his head resting on them. He would look up at me and tilt his head before he lay down. I swear that dog was smiling at me each time he did that. Maybe his way of thanking me for giving his master the rest he needed.

One Friday during the early afternoon at work, I got a call from Sherri. She was worried about John. He had a vision or a flashback while at a jobsite. Sherri explained that John stormed off the jobsite telling her to take over as he had; had enough and was going home. She feared he might do something so I left work and I went to him.

I drove to his house to find him sitting on the sofa. He sat with his forearms on his thighs and his head hanging downward just staring at the floor. The man looked as if he had given up and had lost his hope. I was afraid that maybe the Vietnam War had finally beaten the one you know as Sgt. J.

I stood there shaking my head as I looked at him. A man like him should never hang his head in shame or in doubt. The man had fought bravely and with honor in a war, that everyone had forgotten. This man and others had returned home to be called baby killers or misfits.

Few will ever know of the good or of how many lives they saved during that war. Most turned their backs to these brave men not so much as offering them a handshake or a pat on their back when they returned home. Instead, they labeled them baby killers and ran from them fearing they all were psychos. Men like John were not remembered for how bravely they had won the medals we hung from their chests. They were remembered instead as they were portrayed in movies after Vietnam as men who would just as soon kill you than to look at you.

These men like John killed only because and when they had to survive. War is not like in a video game where you get three lives or endless lives. The first rule of war is to kill or be killed. John became Sgt. J when he went after Joe for one reason. That was to survive as Joe had threatened his happiness with Kay and Sherri. John was no monster he was a trained, skillful soldier sent to Vietnam to do his duty which was “ Truth, Honor, Bravery and the courage to take action when others do not,” “To always do what is right and just,” “To never give up hope.”

This man was full of compassion; he was a caring man, a loving man as well as a troubled man. He has never shown antisocial behavior or turned into a mentally unstable cab driver who goes on a killing-spree like in the movies. He was just a man at odds with himself. His happiness was taken from him once and he felt as if it was slipping away from him again. However, in his mind he was to blame this time.

John could see the true feelings Sherri had for her mom. He also had been after Kay to sit with Sherri and explain herself to her. To him he had come between the bonds of a mother with her daughter. It was eating at him just as Vietnam was eating at him once more.

He had no one to blame but himself and that was what he was doing now. I also knew from reading Carrie’s journal his next action would be to run away once more. I felt sorry for him but then I felt disgusted with him for if he was to walk away from Kay and Sherri that meant he would be walking away from me as well. I stared at him showing my disgust as I shook my head at him.

“WHAT?” John asked giving me one of his looks.

“How pitiful you are John,” “To have been so brave in Vietnam, so brave to continue when you lost Carrie and Melissa, so brave and caring to help Kay and Sherri,” I said. “Yet so afraid to face the real issue at hand, which is yourself,” I added.

“Oh so I brought this all upon myself,” John replied angrily.

“Your problem is not with that war, not with Kay or with Sherri.” “Your problem lies within yourself,” I said as my hand touched his face. “You are still that young boy of eighteen who ran from his problems.” “It is time for that boy to become a man once again,” I added as my hand stroked his face.

John started to replied and I stopped him with my finger to his lips as I said, “A boy went to Vietnam to fight where he became a man,” “He returned home only to become a boy again,” “The boy returned to Vietnam because it was his duty as a man.”

“The man returned home wounded hurting not from his wounds but because he could not save his friends.” “The man turned back into that boy as he had fun at the lake with the girl who loved him and who he loved as well,” I said. “The boy turned back into a man when his girl became his wife and carried his child.” “The man lost his wife and child only to become that boy again who once more ran from his problems,” I added as I stared into his eyes.

“You can stop I understand,” John replied looking away from me.

For the first time as I stood there looking into John’s eyes I did not see Carrie in them. I only saw myself in his eyes. I did not know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. I may have just lost the man I had fallen in love with many years ago. For if, I did not see myself as Carrie I had a feeling John did not as well.

I sat down beside him on the sofa taking his hand into mine as I asked, “You did not see me as Carrie did you John?”

John shook his head no as I asked, “You did get what I meant?”

“Yes, it is time I grow up and become the man I once was,” he replied squeezing my hand.

“That brave fearless man who can face anything because of what he carries in his heart not in his mind,” I said smiling at him.

John wrapped his arms around me pulling me against him. He hugged me tightly as he whispered thank you into my ear. He nibbled at my ear with his lips then kissed his way down around my neck working his lips toward mine. John placed his lips to mine as he kissed me deeply. I heard the bells, the whistles and the fireworks going off inside my head. My heart raced with his as our hearts joined in a matching rhythm. His kiss turned to passion and I returned his kiss with passion of my own.

I wrapped my hands around his head pushing his lips harder against mine as I slipped my tongue into his waiting mouth. Our tongues floated teasingly in our mouth as we kissed. My body filled with warmth as a feeling of tranquility came over me. The warmth turned hot as I realized his kiss was for me and not for Carrie.

I broke our kiss as I said, “John you never kissed me like that before,” as I fanned myself with my hand.

John did not reply as he pushed me back upon the sofa. His body lies gently on top of mine as he pressed his lips to mine once more. He licked and kissed at my face as his hands unbuttoned the shirt I had worn. John kissed and licked across the tops of my breasts as they heaved in their bra.

John stopped his licking at my breasts as he pulled me up with him from the sofa. He slipped a sleeve from my shirt off my shoulder as he kissed and licked there. He slipped it down off my arm as his tongue went to my other shoulder where he did the same until he tossed my shirt to the floor. John kissed and licked at my ear as I felt his hands slipping around my back to unhook my bra. He unhooked it and tossed it to the floor.

John smiled as he looked upon my breasts. My hands went to his shirt, which I pulled over his head tossing it with mine. I kissed at his chest and licked at his nipples before I moved my lips to his. I wanted him badly as I kissed him with more passion than anyone in my life. From the way he returned my kisses, I would say he wanted me as well.

John’s eyes went closed as he laid me back onto the sofa. My heart filled with worry as his eyes closed. I thought he was seeing me as Carrie once more. However, I was wrong for John opened his eyes as he broke our kiss.

John smiled at me as he said, “I never realized just how lovely you are as Cathy to me,” as he ran his tongue to my breasts.

I moaned softly as he ran his tongue over and around my nipples. They grew hard against his wet tongue as he did. I ran my hands through his hair as his hand groped at my breasts as he started to suckle on them.

“AHHhh John,” I moaned out as he suckled like a newborn at my breasts.

He suckled one then the other. He smashed my tits together with his hands bringing my nipples together. John flicked his tongue at my nipples before he took them both into his mouth as he sucked on them. I felt my juices soaking my jeans as he did.

John left go of my breasts and removed his mouth from my nipples. He kissed and licked his way down my abdomen. He ran his tongue around my belly button before easing it to the top of the jeans I wore. He unsnapped then unzipped my jeans. I eased up off the sofa as John pulled my jeans from my legs.

“You naughty girl you wore no panties I see,” John said as he stared at my now hairy pussy.

I had left the hair grow down there as John prefers a hairy pussy. I moaned softly as he ran his finger over then between my pussy lips. His hands shot to under my knees and he lifted then spread my legs apart exposing my full pussy for him to see. I felt my large pussy lips part as my juices leaked from my pussy.

“AHhhh JOHN,” I moaned loudly as he buried his face into my pussy.

His tongue shot up inside licking at my juices that were flowing from there. He pulled his tongue back out as he kissed and licked at my pussy lips. He sucked them into his mouth sucking the juices from them. I placed my thighs on his shoulder as his tongue went back inside my pussy. John has a lovely long tongue, which he can roll the sides up making it into a small dick shape.

He did that as he started to run it in and out of my pussy. I pumped my hips toward his face as he tongued my pussy. I humped his face as his tongue explored in my pussy. John rubbed his nose into my clit as he pushed his tongue deeper. When he had his tongue as far as it would go he flicked it wildly up inside of my pussy.

“JOHN you going…. Ahhhh,” I screamed out as my orgasm came over me

John pulled his tongue from my pussy as my juices splashed against his face. He took my clit into his mouth sucking at it. Another orgasm came over me as my pussy squirted again as I squirmed on the sofa. I parted my legs wider as my hands went to his head as I humped my pussy against his face as he sucked at my clit.

My whole body seems to shake as an even stronger orgasm raced through my body. I fought the urge building inside my pussy as my juices squirted again. However, I could stop the urge no more during that orgasm. After my pussy juices a long, steady stream of my pee followed. I had lost all control and my pee ran freely wetting his face, neck and the sofa.

I pushed and pulled his face from between my legs as I said, “JOHN, god you made me pee.”

John just smiled as my pee dripped from his chin. He kissed his way up to my face. I took his face into my hands as we kissed deeply and with passion. I used my tongue on his lips and face tasting my juices as well as my pee.

I broke our kiss as I said, “My turn now John,” as I pushed him back onto the sofa with his feet on the floor.

I pushed the coffee table out of the way, as I dropped down onto the floor in front of him on my knees. I rubbed at his hard cock through his pants as I looked up to him. John stared down at me with eyes I had never seen before. They were the loveliest blue green eyes. They seem to sparkle and shine as the blue and green mixed. I had never seen his eyes this lovely nor has he ever stared at me as he was.

“John I have never seen you look at me the way you are,” I said as I tilted my head at her.

“Is only the true me looking at the true you,” John replied with a smile on his face.

His words made my body grow warm as my face blushed some. I grasped at his cock through the jogging pants he wore. I pulled them down as he rose a little from the sofa so I could. His cock danced in his under wear as I slipped my thumbs into the waistband pulling them from his body.

I moved between his legs as I wrapped both hands around his hard cock. I used one to pump at it while the other I ran lightly over the head of his cock. I watched as pre-cum oozed from the head of his cock.

“MMmmm tasty,” I said as I licked at it with my tongue.

I sucked the head of his cock into my mouth. I pumped at his cock with one hand while I slipped my other hand down to his balls. I moved my mouth down to my hand that was around his cock. I removed my hand from his cock as I worked more of his cock into my mouth. I rolled and toyed with his balls in my hand as my lips pressed against the hair at the base of his cock. I started to suck at his cock with it deep in my mouth a little trick Kay had taught me.

“Ahhh,” John moaned out as his hands went to my head.

He ran his hands through my hair as I moved my mouth up and down his lovely big cock. I removed my mouth to take in some air. When I did string of his pre-cum and my saliva dangled from his cock to my mouth. I twirled my tongue as I wrapped the string around my tongue as I took his cock back into my mouth.

“AHhhh Cathy,” John cried out as I took all of his cock again and sucked at it.

I sucked on his cock for a while until the fire came between my legs. I took his cock into my hand and pumped on it as I ran my hand down between my legs. I rubbed at my pussy as I pumped on his cock. I shoved two then three then four fingers deeply into my pussy. I moved them around coating them with my juices.

I pulled my fingers from my pussy showing John how wet they were as I moaned, ‘I need that cock in me.”

I arose from between his legs letting go of his cock. I turned with my butt toward his face. I backed myself toward him as I reached for his cock. I took his cock back into my hand placing it at my wet pussy as I sat back down upon his lap. My pussy lips wrapped around his cock as I eased down onto his cock, I did not stop until all of his cock was up in me moaning softly as I had it there.

“God I love how your cock feels when it slips into me,” I said looking to him over my shoulder.

I started to rock on his cock as he reached around with his hands grabbing at my tits. John groped and played with my tits as I rocked on his cock. He started to push his cock upward as he pulled on my hard nipples.

“Yes fuck me John give me your cock,” I moaned loudly.

We fucked like that for a while until I jumped off his cock. I pushed him down fully onto the sofa. I straddled his body squatting over that hard cock. I reached for his cock and I rubbed it at my pussy just once before I eased myself down onto it. I started to move up and down on his cock.

I rode it slowly at first but soon I was bouncing wildly on it. My juices flowed from my pussy coating his cock. Wet slurps filled the living room as I slammed my wet pussy up and down his cock. My wetness filled the living room with slurps each time my pussy came down onto it.

I stopped my motion as I saw Sherri walking to the backside of the sofa. She smiled at me so I readjusted myself slipping my legs to each side of his body. I stared down into John’s face. I lowered my lips to his.

“Kiss me John,” I cooed sexily.

John wrapped his arms around me as we kissed deeply and with passion. I moved up and down faster on his cock as we kissed. I broke our kiss as I sat up on his cock. I played with my tits as I looked at Sherri. She rubbed at her pussy through the shorts he had worn. I hung my tits down into John’s face.

He grabbed then with his hands then licked and sucked at them as I rode his cock. He was soon driving his cock up and down from under me as I rode his cock. John took both my tits into his mouth.

“I see Cathy knew what you needed daddy,” Sherri said as she stood at the back of the sofa.

I sat up on John as his eyes looked up to Sherri. She had her arms resting on the back of the sofa staring down into his face. John started to say something as I placed my finger to his lips.

I wrapped my arms around Sherri’s neck pulling her face toward mine. I pressed my lips to hers as we locked in a deep passionate kiss. Sherri wrapped her arms around me kissing me deeply and with passion. I started to bounce wildly on John’s cock as we kissed. I felt his cock swell then jerk in my wet pussy.

“AHHhhh shit,” John yelled out as cum blasted from his cock.

My own orgasm came over me as I felt cum splashing deep in my pussy. I moaned into Sherri’s mouth as we swapped tongues. I rocked a few more times on John’s cock milking the last drop from his cock. I broke my kiss with Sherri and started to get off John’s cock. However, he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back down on his cock. John looked at me with panic look in his eyes.

“John it is OK Sherri and I have been having fun for a while now,” I said smiling at him.

“It’s OK daddy,” “But I will let you two get dressed because I know you don’t like me to see your cock even if I have seen it many times,” Sherri added laughing as she walked toward her bedroom.

I lay down on John kissing at his lips. He kissed and licked back at mine. I broke our kiss as I jumped off him. I placed my hand to my pussy to catch cum as it flowed from my pussy as I ran to our bedroom. I licked at our juices in my hand when I was in the bedroom. I slipped on a robe and grabbed his as I returned to the living room. I handed John his robe and he slipped into it sitting up on the sofa.

I slipped my arms around his neck as I said, “Thank you John for finally making love to me and not Carrie,” as I smiled at him.

“Why didn’t you ever say something to me?” John asked.

I hung my head as I replied, “I was afraid you would not want me as myself only as Carrie.” I raised my head as I leaned over hugging him as I whispered into his ear, “John I love you and I don’t mean it in a brotherly way.”

John’s hand rubbed at my back as he whispered back in my ear, “I know Cathy I know.”

Sherri came back out into the living room. I got up and I placed her beside John. I told them I was off to take a shower and that the two of them needed to talk. I watched and listened from in the hallway.

“It’s OK daddy I won’t say anything to mom as long as you don’t tell her about me and Cathy,” Sherri said.

“Princess that is not the point,” John replied. He started to say something else as she placed her finger to my lips.

“Daddy I am not your little girl no more,” Sherri said as her hand went to the side of his face.

“Its OK princess I understand,” John replied.

I went on into the bedroom and jumped into the shower. I was happy that John had finally realized that I did love him. I was also glad he had seen me as Cathy and not as Carrie. All of us enjoyed that weekend together. Sherri and I even managed to sneak in some love making when Kay and John had went for a boat ride.

The following week I tried to cut back on my use of cocaine however, my body would not allow it. For now, it seemed as if I needed it to make myself happy. It also started to have effects on my work as well. I was missing days and screwing up more than ever. John even noticed that I was not myself.

He thought that maybe I had become stressed due to helping him. He also felt he owned me something for being there where he was over come with his malaria. He decided to send Kay and me on a cruise together. He wanted Sherri to come along however she wanted no part of going any where with her mom.

John had some plans on making the vacation useful as well. He wanted me to talk to Kay about Sherri. Kay felt that no matter what she explained to Sherri she would still hate her. To Kay she had lost her daughter long before John had come into their lives. She felt bad and was at odds with herself over Sherri. She had even told me she was thinking about just saying the hell with it and leaving her with John and me.

“Kay, you don’t what to leave John,” I said to her.

“If it makes my daughter happy to be with him without me around I would do that just to see that she was happy,” Kay replied.

“Talk to her Kay tell her and explain why you did nothing,” I said to her.

Kay would just shake her head no and change the subject. John also wanted to have me explain about Carrie’s Place to Kay. John had talked to me about how flirtation Kay was around other men. John has always enjoyed and loved the fact that Kay and I both made had sex appeal.

He enjoyed taking us out and showing us off when we went out together. While he was not thrilled about Sherri wearing sexy clothes around him, he always wanted Kay and I to dress revealing. Kay loved to show off what she had for she was proud of her lovely boobs, great ass and her shapely legs.

I on the other hand only did it for John. Kay would flaunt her sex at anyone while I only had eyes and wants for John. When we were out men would ask Kay to dance. She would always ask John if it was OK and he would allow her. I never danced with anyone but John. We would watch Kay as she teased the person she would be dancing with by leaning down and giving them a full view of her tits.

She would even rub herself against their cock sometimes. The more she drank the more daring she would get. I was not to concern about any of the men she teased getting out of hand, as John was close by her. I talked to John about this and he had no problem with it after all his lifestyle for years were an open swinging lifestyle. He asked me once if I thought Kay would enjoy swinging.

“John that woman was made for sex,” I said to him.

Come July John sent Kay and I onto a cruise for two weeks. I was to talk to her about Sherri during our cruise. He would also have a talk with Sherri about her mom while we were gone. John also explained to me that it was not a normal cruise. It was a swinger’s cruise around the Caribbean Islands with a stop and stay at a fancy swingers resort.

“Keep an eye on her Cathy don’t let her get to out of hand,” John said to me. He kissed me on my lips then added, “Have some fun yourself as well.”

“John, you are all the fun I will ever need.” “I would not feel right doing something with another man or woman without you being present,” I replied.

“You are loyal and trust worthy Cathy and I grow fonder of you each day I am with you,” John said. His hand touched my face as he stared into my eyes and he added, “I find myself loving you as much as I do Kay.”

“John, what did you say?” I asked him.

“Cathy, I love you,” he replied.

John stopped his typing and he looked at me. I stared into his eyes and I saw that same gleam I had that day. I knew he still loved me to this day. He told me it was getting late and we would continue tomorrow. He reached up and turned the computer off then took my hand helping me from my chair. John kissed me then walked me out to Kay who sat in the living room. He sat me down next to Kay who reached for my hand.

John walked away then turned as he said, “You girls talk as I know you do,” “Give comfort to each other as the way only you two can give to each other.” John looked to the fireplace then back to us as he added, “Enjoy that comfort while you can for someday it will leave you for all good things must end,” then he walked to the bedroom.

Kay looked at me and she asked, “Just what did he mean by that?”

I wrapped my arms around her as I replied, “I do not know Kay,” “I just do not know anymore.”

Events of earlier last summer filled my head. I had done something then and it filled my mind as my heart filled with regret. My regret soon turned to guilt as I thought back to John’s words of yesteryear.

“You are loyal and trust worthy Cathy and I grow fonder of you each day I am with you,” echoed in my mind.

That will end this chapter and as always please leave us your comments.

I am sorry if I was a little carried away expressing my feelings on John as well as fellow veterans of the Vietnam War. There are persistent stereotypes about Vietnam veterans as psychologically devastated, bitter, homeless, drug-addicted people who had a hard time readjusting to society, primarily due to the uniquely divisive nature of the Vietnam War in the context of U.S. History. As well as anytime, a former Vietnam vet makes the front page of the newspaper or is the top story on the new.

That social division has expressed itself by the lack both of public and institutional support for the former service members expected by returning combatants of most conflicts in most nations. In a material sense also, veterans’ benefits for Vietnam era veterans were dramatically less than those enjoyed after World War II.

The brave men who returned home from that War were alone for most turned their backs on them. The only people who did not turn their backs were fellow Vietnam veterans and a woman named Carrie. She tried to understand John’s pain and to help him. I believe she knew someday she might not be there when he needed her the most. Other Vietnam veteran helped their own for they understood and followed their code.

In 1979, Public Law 96-22 established the first Vet Centers after a decade of effort by combat vets and others who realized the Vietnam veterans in America and elsewhere (including Australia) were facing specific kinds of readjustment problems. Those problems would later become identified as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Ten long years these veterans fought with our own before others realized the hurt and pain some of these brave men brought home with them. I wonder how many of those brave souls we lost during those ten years could we have saved. We will never know because we turned our backs to them. We had taken away any hope they had when they returned home back then. I suppose in twenty years from now they will want to tear down the Vietnam Wall when it becomes an eyesore or something. I hope it never happens but then again those brave men will have all disappeared and who will stand for them then as most of us did not stand for them or with them when they were here. God bless to all of those who have served and a special thank you to the Vietnam veteran for whom this woman will always keep a spot open in her heart for as well as for the man you all know as Sgt. J.
Cathy

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