I had always been drawn to people with the same name. When we first moved to the new house i was no moor then 3 or 4 . Our neibors where there to greet us the kids name was of course blake. Me and him where best of friends for acupple of years we spent most our time together. A now a 6 year old boy my parents said i culd have a slumber party over at blake’s house but they wanted to make shure i took my pills. This is a good time to tell you i sufferd from horible night terrors that made me shake and screame in the night violentley thrashing about. I always hated takeing the pill it left a chocky taste in my mouth and almost made me throw up. When me and blake where playing that night his mom told us it was time for bed and we cleaned up the toys. As he was putting the last toy away i steped in the bathroom well you can imagen what wuld happen next. like every little boy not wanting to do sompthing they dident like i flushed the pill down the toilet not even thinking of it and went back out to the maine room.
blake and me had our sleeping bags set up next to each other as i came out of the restroom he was geting in his. I climed in mine we talked for a while not shure when it was but i fell asleep talking. i soon was woken up by blake vilentley shakeing me beging me to wake up i awoke heart beating wildley mind raceing i swung my fist and struk him across the face. still confused i stood up and ran as fast as i culd eyes not even fully open i ran into sompthing and layed on the ground ware i soon realised ware i was.

blake aproched me and said “what the fucking hell”.

I layed there and asked “what happened”.

With anger in his eyes “you knocked my fucking tooth out is what fucking happened”.

I looked at him and noticed the blood trickleing from the gape in his once flawless teeth. He stood over me and steped on my chest yelling “what the fuck”. after a while he calmed down and i approched him placeing my hand delicatley on his sholder he knocked it off telling me “dont fucking touch me asshole”.

I sat on my sleeping bag and simpley said ” im sorry i wasent in controll and i dident know it was you”.

He stood in front of me now and sat legs crossed and he looked me in the eye and asked “tell me what happened, why where you acting like that and screaming in your sleep, why did you hit me and why did you say your not in controll?”

My head sank away from his eyes and to my feet that where pulled to my chest i stated “i have been haveing night terrors and i cant controll myself during them, i have been going to theripy to help with them but its not helping but no matter what i do it isent helping i dident take the pill that is suposed to stop me from dreaming so it is my fault, im so sorry jake will you please forgive me.”

Siting in front of me with a curiouse look on his face he asked “so your a crazey then”.

I instentley looked up and yelled “im not crazey”

He began to laugh and look at me calling me crazey loonie and some other names that hurt. I huged my knees to my chest as hard as i could and prayed for it to end i wanted my best friend to stop.I finaly had enough got up and ran out of the house it was still dark out i ran home to my bed knowing it wuld just get worse from hear. The next day came i had not fallen asleap again after returning to my bed and it was time for school so i got up and went to the kitchen with my brothers alredy eating. Everyone looked at me with questioned looks on there faces noone said anything for a while was quiet breakfest. After breakfast i got up and headed to the bathroom my dad was siting outside and said “you little shit i told you to take your pill” i looked at the counter he was just outside the door i culd hear him like he was in the room, i dident reply. He banged on the door and said “well you litthe basterd you gonna tell me what happened”

My heart sank and i felt worse then i did the night before but i said “it was a bad night i dont feal like talking”

That made him mader and he yelled “fine then you little fucker get dressed evera fast and dont come home from school right after i dont wanna fucking see you!” and i herd him kick the door. I got dressed and dident take a shower i had to be faster i knew if i dident i wuld be walking to school (five mile walk). I ran out to the car he had started driveing when i jumped in when we got to the school i had to jump out there as well before he stoped for my brothers. I went inside and to my classroom ware i just layed in the corner i was onley in kindergarden so this was ok.

I herd someone standing behind me and i curled into a ball alittle tighter i herd them speak “hey get up i have something to show you”. It was Blake ‘had he forgiven me’ i thought to myself as i stood up and looked at him a wiked smile on his face can clearley see the gap in his teeth. i walked with him to the middle of the room ware he stood on a desk and yelled everybody i want to introduce you to my new friend. not knowing what he ment i looked around and realised he was pulling me onto the desk with him. I stood there alittle embaresed as he said “Blake hear well you need to excuse him hes crazey and has no mind whatsoever.” My jaw droped as he said “hes been going to theripy becouse he thinks monsters are eating him at night”. I tryed jumping down from the desk but he kept holding me there i knew i was stronger but i hated fighting and he knew that. i finaly had enough and tore his hands off me jumped down and walked out of the room all the other kids laughing and pointing at me i felt there eyes and culd hear there remarls as i was leaveing. I stood at the door and looked back jabob still on the desk he looked at me and pointed at his tooth. The teacher came in the room at that inctent and everybody shut right up the day proceded and the torcher just got worse.

A cupple months went by and every day was the same till i was stoped on my way home by some boyscouts my dad not geting me with my brothers. They stood in front of me and said “so your the syco are you”

I looked at them and said “i guess”

They then laughed and started hiting me every punch felt like sompthing was breaking till i finaly colapsed on the pavement before them. they looked at me and spit on my face saying “this is gonna keep hapening and dont think it will stop if you tell”. He was right it continued for about 3 years no matter who i told or how manny people knew nothing ever happened i finaly acepted it for what it was MY FAULT. I was now nine years old and was walking to and from school every day geting my daily beating from the same kids they used wepions i was happy when they onley used there fists i was walking home when i got there i noticed that there was a firmilure car in the driveway ‘aunt susan is hear’ i thought.

I went around back of the house and used the hose to wash off the blood from the daily beating. today had beed especialy brutal they had used 2x4s on my chest and back. i walked inside trying to stand up streight but soon realised wuld be almost imposible i had a fractured rib and culd barley stand i caughed up blood into my hands and walked down the stairs to the shower. i took off my cloths and climbed in looking at the bruses starting to form on my upper and lower chest the scars on my arms and legs and my other variouse ingerys as the worm water made them feal %100 better. most the days i ignored the pain but my rib was hurting uncuntrolubley. I towled off and like every day i wraped it around my waste tieing it at my side i opened the door and freaked out my cusin standing there i jumped back and hit the counter this sending shots of pain threw my whole body wich made my grab my stomach. she jumped at me tears in her eyes and started saying “what happened” i looked at her seeing the tears she was holding my hands. I looked at her she was ten a year older then me but she was about 3 inches shorter.

My eyes droped and i said “nothing without consequence”. Lokking ashamed what happened next i never wuld of beleved she held my hand and we walked into the main room siting in front of the tv. She said “tell me i want to know”. I looked in her eyes i saw love and compashion and tears that i had never seen in someone elses i dont know why but my face barryed in her sholder and my arms went around her tighter then had ever been around anyone my ribs hurt it was moor painful then anything in the world i dident care i huged her to my still damp chest and cryed into her sholder for about 30 muinets. she looked at me back and said “please tell me” i started to talk i talked fast and uninterupted everything that had happened all the tourcher that i was going thrue and the brutal beating i got that day. she huged me and said “its not your fault”. I looked at her knowing it was a lie and i stoped huging her i leaned back and just sat there thinking she dident understand. She held my hand and looked at it i felt a teal land on my knuckle as she said “why do they look like that”.

I sat forward pulling my hands away from her and i said “they had been smashed and dident heal corectley after a beating the bigest of the boyes looked at me my hand in front of him and he stomped on it every bone on my hand broke that day and hasent healed corectley”.

She looked at me and asked “why dont people beleve you”

I told her “my parents took me to a shrink who diagnosed me as self mutilating and a compolsive lier and who wuld beleve boyscouts wuld do it anyway”

She cryed and held me close ignoreing the pain i kissed her she dident pull away we kissed for about 5 mins before i realised i was ontop of her and my towl was still on the couch ware i was siting before. I got off of her and sat there she looked at my penis she just wached it i looked and noticed i was uncoverd grabing my towl i ran from the room and into my bedroom and locked the door behind me and climbed into bed embaresed with what i had done and what i was fealing for my cusin i knew it was wrong buy my penis was hard for the first time i felt terrible.

The next day came and i got up for school a cupple hours earley knowing i wuld need to walk again i looked at my sheets i had coughed up moor blood that night my ribs fealing alot better. I took a hot shower and i walked outside the morning mist was in the air there was a slight fog. I started to walk to school at the end of the driveway i turned around the cars and saw my cusin less then an inch from my face startled i fell on my ass backwards. She looked at me giggleing and helped me up

“Goodmorning” she said varry energeticley with a happy voice

“Goodmorning becky what are you doing up this earley?” i asked.

“wateing for you silley, i knew i wuld never catch you unless i woke up and wated”

“good call” i said with a smirk “so what do you want”

Her eyes fell yo the ground and said “i wanna walk with you today keep you cumpony”

I looked at her and said “no its a long walk and you will need to come home alone on the way back”

she smiled and said “if you dont let me walk with you then ill just walk this way and do whatever i want”

I smiled and said “suit yourself” and i started to walk she was next to me for a long time till she huged my arm leaning her head on it. she looked up at me and said “if you want to kiss me again i wont stop you it felt really good and i want to do it again you dont deserve what is happening to you”

my mouth droped open ‘did she beleve that it was did she mean it’. i stood there without a word my lips where against hers we kissed for what seemed like an eternety but must of been someware around 20-30 mins. I held her hand and we walked to beside the rode to a big tree the fog was getting thicker as we culd barley see the tree from the rode. we sat there she layed on my chest the pain hit me like a tun of bricks. I looked at my wach after what i thought was just an inctent 4 hours had passed she just listened to my heart beat as i troked her hair not saying a word i held her she started to cry and i said “what is wrong”

she crushed me in the tighest hug ever and said “today is our last day hear and you need to be at school for most of it were going home for a long time we wont get to be with each other again”

I kissed her and asked “how long”

She said “they dident tell me they just said a long time”.

I skiped school that day and went home with her afterwards avoiding the bullys that day i had a day if peace and quiet with her knowing it wuld be worse the next day it always was when i avoided it but i dident tell her.

When we got home as soon as i opened the door my fathers hand struck me across the face and he said “you lieing little fucktard ware the fucking hell where you all day”

I got up and looked at him seeing the rage in his eyes and i said “i dident want to get hurt again”

His fist like a slege hammer hit me in the stomach and he said “your a lieing little fuckiing shit if you dont want hurt stop doing it to yourself you anoying little emo fucker”

I stood up and yelled “im not you just dot fucking beleve me”

His knee hit me in the knose i herd a distinct *crack* and felt it bent the wrong way “wach your god damn language you fucking shitface”. He walked away and i started to get up again becky looking at me still dtanding in the doorway she huged me and looked at my face takeing me to the bathroom. i looked in the mirror and saw my nose was infact sideways and i started to scream looking at the blood come from my tearduckt. I grabed my nose closed my eyes and bent it back to ware it was suposed to be screming louder then i ever had before.

My mother had enterd the room now and sat me on the counter she looked in my eyes one starting to sweell up and she placed a nose brace she got from the sink droor on my nose asking “you know not to move this right?”

I noded my head and she kissed my forhead leaveing the room my cusin still standing there i got off the counter and i stand up streight looking at her. I look at her smile big and say “looking at it from all angles no matter what else happens today this is my best day ever becouse i spent it with you”. I leaned in and kissed her pashionetley giveing her the tightest hug.

that night she had to go we gave each other one final hug and kiss in the bathroom so noone wuld see us before she got in the car and drove off and out of my life for ‘a long time’. she remaned in my head and the beating soon stoped when i thought of how they made her cry when she saw me i faught back with a pashion and used the muscles that had been building from the beating and my unique gift of ignoreing the pain i faught back extra hard.