I was raised going to church three times a week and to stay with your own kind, which for me would be white. My dream was to save my virginity for my husband. I wanted to be a veterinary, have lots of children and to raise them in church and live in our home with a white picket fence. That all changed one day when I was 12 yrs. old and a “friend” of the family awoke me in the middle of the night with his hand over my mouth and his penis positioned at the entrance of my vagina!

I remember being terrified and the pain, he had no right to do what he did. My life was never the same. I finally worked up the courage to tell my Pastor and he never did anything about it. I told my mom and she said it would bring shame to the family if she went to the police. And my rapist went around bragging to anyone that would listen that I was having sex with him. So, living in a small town, everyone believed him and all of my boyfriends thought I was “easy” and that is the first thing they did was go after some nooky! I took to singing ‘Jesus loves me” everytime someone was having sex with me. I thought it was what was expected of me. I was as cold as ice inside. I hated sex. Then one night I was watching Chips and was actually aroused by Poncho, the Spanish Cop. I couldn’t quit fantasizing about him. But I didn’t dare date anyone outside of my race for fear of retribution by the community. Life goes on and I grew up and moved to another state.

My friends and I went to a bar to celebrate being called back to work and there was a man there by the name of Antonio, a man of Mexican descent. When our eyes met…….My body was instantly on fire. I wanted him to take me right there on the dance floor but I was scared because I had never felt like that and there was still my upbringing. I finally agreed to dance with him and the things he made me feel. It was hard to breath. And all he was touching me with was a hand on my back and our right hands were touching. His smell was totally masculine and he was so damn sexy! The night ended and he asked me for a kiss. I told him that I don’t kiss strangers. He begged me to let him give me a ride home but I was terrified. I could tell that he wanted more than a kiss. Finally, I gave him my number and he called within a half hour to make sure I made it home okay and he asked me to meet him for coffee. We shared our first kiss that day and it was all uphill from there. I think he knew I was afraid. He started with gentle kisses and holding my hand. Then I would find myself wrapped in his arms, he would just hold me. All the while, I could feel the heat radiating from in and around him. By the end of the week, he asked me if I would allow him to make love to me. I was petrified but said yes. I wanted this man with everything in me. When we got to the hotel room, my knees were actually shaking and I was having trouble breathing again. He asked me what was wrong and promised not to hurt me and that he would stop if I told him to.

Antonio asked if he could kiss me and then he was all over me. It never occurred to me to say stop. He began by sucking my tongue which believe it or not feels incredible. Then he lightly pulled on my hair while kissing and nibbling me all over my face and neck. Next, he cupped my breasted and then suckled them as a child to his mother. Then he gently bit into them and began kneading them and pulling them into his mouth. He had me sit on the bed so he could massage, kiss and suck on my feet and toes. Then he slowly tugged my jeans off while looking me in the eye, he left my panties on. I was seeing stars and bottle rockets and was about out of my mind. He undressed and lay beside me. He start touching me all over and kissing me. He was speaking to me in Spanish and English and was telling me how beautiful I was and how bad he wanted to make love to me but that he needed my permission to go on. I managed to shake my head in agreement and we made slow passionate love the first time around.

We showered and had a few glasses of champagne and once I was relaxed the second round began but this time I wouldn’t call it making love. I would say we rutted like wild animals. I had never given a blow job but it seemed to come natural to me once he placed his cock against my lips and asked me to make love to it. I kissed it and licked it as his cock slid in and out of my throat. He taught me how to ride him and to let him know what I wanted and how I felt. “I thought you were supposed to be quiet and lay still”! Then he whispered in my ear that he wanted to possess all of me and when I asked what he meant, he said to roll over and he would show me but would stop if I wanted him to. So I rolled onto my stomach and he proceeded to kiss the back of my neck and back, cupping my breast and then playing with my clit. It was like there was ten of him with his hands and mouth all over me at all times. Then he told me to relax and gently inserted his wet finger into my anus. No, way. Ain’t happening. Well, when I told him to stop, he asked if it hurt and I told him that wasn’t the point, that I was taught that it was wrong. He said that there was nothing wrong with loving on another’s body and to please let him do it for a little bit longer to see how I felt about it. He was a pro, he started slowly inserting his finger in and out of my anus and playing with my clit and whispering sweet words to me and before I knew it, there was a hard pressure against my bum and he was in. There aren’t words to explain how good it felt with him going in and out of my anus. We both had an explosive orgasm and knew from then on that we belonged together heart and soul. His body was my body and my body was his body and there was nothing dirty about anything we did in private. And we did alot but that might be another story.

Antonio was killed in a car accident and I come to sites like this one to try to fill the emptiness in me.

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