Men kiss ass. I tell the very few male friends I have: “You don’t get ass by kissing ass.” Beautiful women have guys throwing themselves at them daily, offering them their seat in the subway, opening doors, smiling and catcalling them, as if any of these actions would get them anywhere. Other men choose to remain on the sidelines, experiencing a disproportionate fear of women as if they felt they did not deserve them (and truth be told, they don’t), probably because they were brought up in broken homes where a dominant mother was the authoritative figure or the father didn’t wear the pants. Whatever the case may be, invariably, most men are in one way or another afraid of women. They may exhibit bravado, not genuine confidence, and women can spot the difference between a guy who is all talk but has little, if any, game. They know this within seconds of meeting a man, and they continue to test men throughout the course of their interaction to see if he really has the balls to take her on every time. If he does pass the test, then he is worthy of her affection.
Women may not admit to it. They may say that they want a guy in touch with his sensitive side, a “good” guy. But what they actually mean is that they want a bad ass kind of guy who won’t turn into an abuser. Because that is what they fall for over and over again. They can’t help but salivate at the sight of a man who exhibits the behavior of a bad boy in all its glory, a man who couldn’t care less if they get to have her or not. Sure, they may say they want their man to be less of an animal but usually end up with what they say they fear most. In life, you do not just get what you want and desire most; you also get what you fear. If you’re afraid of something going wrong, it WILL go wrong. Careful what you wish for, but also be mindful of what you fear, because you create in your life whatever manifests in your head time and again. It happens to women when they say they don’t want “bad” boys, and it happens to men when they feel that they don’t deserve a particular woman: they get what they fear most. In the case of men: none. In the case of women, more of the same.

They say that they don’t want a bad ass guy just like someone might say “It’s good to eat fruits and vegetables.” But when that someone goes to the grocery, it’s hard to remember what is good, because “bad” is automatic, on autopilot, and instead of veggies and fruits you see that juicy steak, the milky cheese, the cakes and sweets. We may say we want to be good, but good takes hard work, so we tend to settle for less. We don’t work out as much as we should, we eat too much, get little done. Losers think this way, so don’t be that loser: work out, eat well, get stuff done in a timely fashion so you’re not all talk and no action. If your focus is on women, you will miss your aim. Your aim should revolve around your goals. Set them high and go for them. Don’t settle for less and expect the most beautiful woman to come along. Go for your dreams and along the way you’ll see that women everywhere will respect you and desire you more. Of course, you don’t follow your dreams in order to find your dream girl. I guess a good movie line was in Chris Rock’s “I Think I Love My Wife” film when he’s screwing up at work over a fling, even though he’s a married man; his boss calls him to his office and says: “You’re gonna lose a lot of money chasing women. But you’ll never lose women chasing money.” Look, women do not want to be the priority in your life. They may say they do. But they really don’t. What they want is a man, and if you act all needy and clingy, then they’re not going to bother with you. They may act like they are interested, if there’s something you can do for them or if you hold a position of power, or even if you can get them through the door or hold the door. They may smile and act nicely, that’s how they get by. When they do, discipline her by not catering to them. Do not be the first to flash a smile. Look at them as if you are the one in control. Be the one in control, don’t just do it for show, though. You fake it until you make it your habit. It’s easy to just give in to temptation. But just as it’s easy to overeat and not go to the gym regularly, easy doesn’t get you far. You can’t project to be the one in control if you’re only doing it to get a response from her.

ABOUT SELF-CONTROL

At a bar in Michigan, I was with my beautiful baby mom ex-girlfriend and her pornstar friend (no joke, she really has a pornstar friend but I won’t mention her by name). This girl could have any guy she wanted (and mine too, but I was the one who had her!) so I got intrigued when she said she was waiting for her date to show. The guy showed up soon thereafter and it was at first sight, from head to toes, an alpha male. Taller than me (I’m six feet, one inch tall); stronger than me (I’m not a puny guy, I work out four times a week, body type of a guy who’s built, in great shape but doesn’t spend every hour of his life at the gym and doesn’t use any steroids either, athletic I believe is the word); better looking than me (yeah, I am one good looking mofo, but I don’t rely on looks to get what I want because for most of my life looks never took me very far). We hit it off right away, men as we are and all the girls around checking our table, men too checking out the girls we were with. Suddenly, our girls began to talk in whispers and check their phones, so he suggested we retaliate by doing the same. I disagreed.
“Let me ask you something: if you see your girl there, and then she goes and starts making out with some random dude here at the bar. What would you do?” He said he’d probably kick the guy’s ass, then dump her and whatnot. I said, “Look, let me tell you something. Control is about how you react to her every action with your own actions and by kicking the guy’s ass, you’re not in control. Whatever she decides to do, does not affect you. She could be jumping up and down naked on a trampoline in the middle of a crowded place, you’re in control only when you can hold back and be so. Being in control is not about controlling her. It’s about controlling your emotions. You can be sure of yourself, she can’t fuck with that. She will sense that. Whatever she does, you remain centered, in control. And, ironically, by doing so, by being so, she’ll respond to your energy and gravitate around it like a planet to its star. You be the sun; she’ll happily be the earth going around and around you.”

ABOUT GUTS

If a thief comes in the middle of the night into your home, would you try to reason with that thief as to why he has decided to intrude? No. You beat the crap out of him if you can, however you can. You can’t reason with women. Women will not respect your intelligence. They will, however, respect your ballsy moves. The way you handle her when she gets all crazy. You get angry, every man does, when the woman in your life all of a sudden decides to act crazy for no apparent reason. Have the guts to put her in her place. Don’t go crazy yourself, of course. Remember: self-control. Tell her you’re going to treat her like a little girl because that is how she’s behaving. Have the guts to walk up to beautiful girls you’ve never dreamed you’d meet and meet them. Beautiful women are tired of men being intimidated by their looks. They want to meet a guy who has the balls to talk to them and not in a permissive tone, don’t lower your voice, be a little unabashed, untamed, unafraid. She’ll love you for it. If she has a nice ass (big, round), and she gives you the cold shoulder, in a fun but manly way ask her if she’s proud to be an ass. “Your ass is just as big as your ego”. Find what is wrong with her. But don’t point it out in an obvious manner. Be subtle. Tell her: “Oh I can see what you were trying to do there by matching your shoes with your hair.” Be fun by poking fun at her expense. Don’t be in the least bit intimidated by her. She’s not your man; she wants you to be hers.

ABOUT CONFIDENCE

Often you get the advice to be more confident. What does that really mean? If you were to look up the word, it may say that confidence is, simply put, the expectation of a good result. That makes sense, and those who get things right away, get it. But then you’d like me to elaborate, so I will oblige. I’ll do so by using an analogy, my favorite thing.
Say you like a girl but you don’t know if that girl likes you back. (By the way, “Like” isn’t what you should be looking for in a girl, she may very well “like” you as a friend, as a person, etc., what you want is a girl to WANT you; there, I said it.) And then there’s this person, let’s say a girl, who tells you that this girl you like REALLY likes you, in fact, she may even WANT you. But, she warns you, don’t act overconfident or else she’ll know you already know. This girl friend in common also warn you that this girl may play aloof if you approach her, but that, rest assured, she DOES in deed like you. How would you act then? You’ll be filled with confidence, I bet, knowing the object of your desire has feelings for you. If not feelings, at the very least SHE LIKES YOU! Well, that is confidence in a nutshell… it’s how you feel, because you know for sure how things will turn out to be. Look, a girl may like you one moment, hate you the next, and then forget all about you the next minute. Girls’ feelings fluctuate and so it is up to you, self-assured, composed, to make things become a reality. It’s really not up to chance, or the circumstances, for that matter, that dictate how you will respond to a situation. You may be so shy and self-involved that even if you knew that she liked you and even if she had shown all the signs, and even wrote you a graphic poem about it, you STILL wouldn’t come up with the balls to do what needs to be done! Hey, don’t feel bad, I’ve been there myself. Back in high school, this girl invited me to the prom, held my hands in her hands, and asked if I had something to tell her. I shied away. Of course, a few years later, I got to get my revenge, made out with her and had a thing or two with her, but by then I was light-years away from the little shy boy I was when I first met her. Shyness is a fierce thing, don’t let people or girls, for that matter, tell you how they feel about you. How they feel about you depends a whole lot, if not completely, on how you feel about yourself. Look, it’s not the end of the world if a girl doesn’t like you. It’s actually her loss, that should be your state of mind anyway. I remember asking my uncle for advice and he wisely said: “Well, you can’t never know if a girl likes you for sure. What you do know is that you like her, so make a move. Because right now whether you make a move or not, she’s not with you, so even if she rejects you, you’ll still be in the same place you started. The important thing is, don’t reject yourself by not making a move. And girls love guys who make the first bold move. Have fun, kid!” Too bad I was so damn insecure, if I were to go back for just a moment, I’d probably run and ask her out. But you can’t never go back to doing the things you should have done. What you have is this moment. Only this very moment. So, make the best of it.