Fuck my life

Antoine stood on the steps of his house, the hand holding the key limp at his side. He didn’t want to go in, but at the same time he knew he didn’t have a choice. How would he tell her? What the hell was he supposed to say?

“Gee wiz mom, it seems that a couple of fellas at school want to kill me“

Antoine put the key into the lock and pushed the door open. Instantly, a pink blur threw itself at him, crashing into his chest, two arms thrown around his neck. Antoine took a startled step back before realizing it was his mother, wearing her usual pink bathrobe.

“H-hey!” Antoine said, surprised. “What gives?”

His mother squeezed him tightly, her head planted against his chest. For a moment they just stood there, his mom with her eyes closed, Antoine with his arms at his side, not really sure what he should do. He never was good with these kinds of emotional situations. Especially since he didn’t know what this one was about. Did she know? It was impossible, Antoine knew, but moms sometimes seemed to have an almost supernatural ability to find out your every secret. Then his mother finally spoke.

“I found a job!”

It certainly wasn’t what Antoine had expected, and he didn’t know how to respond. His mom looked up at him.

“Aren’t you happy?” she asked.

“I…yeah.” Antoine awkwardly put one arm around her back. “That…that’s great mom. Uh, where is it?”

Finally, his mom released her grip on him and stepped back. She wiped the corner of her eyes with the sleeve of her robe.

“A town called Fairville, about an hour bus drive’s away. It’s nothing big, just your run of the mill front desk job.”

“No….no mom, that’s amazing.” Antoine stepped up closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed. “Really, I mean it. I don’t know how you pulled it off.”

Antoine meant it, too. With how their initial reception in Wellspring had been, the thought that either of them would find a job anytime soon seemed outrageous.

His mom smiled and put her hand on his arm. Her touch was warm, and always made Antoine feel at ease. “I know, baby. I did see some more colored folk over there, and the white people there don’t look at you like you just crawled out of the sewer. Well, most of them don’t. This place is just…different, I think.”

Is that supposed to be good news?

For Antoine, it only made things worse. Of all the placed they could move to, they ended up in the absolute worst one possible. It felt like every racist movie stereotype came together in Wellspring to form one big conglomeration of hate and prejudice.

“Anyway,” his mom continued happily, “I’m making meatloaf to celebrate! Dinner will be ready in about an hour, so don’t let me catch you snacking on anything.”

“Alright, alright.”

Antoine prepared to go upstairs to his room, but his mom suddenly grabbed his arm.

“Everything alright at school?” She looked concerned. “You seem a little tense.”

Right then, Antoine wanted to tell her everything: to bare his heart to her, to scream and shout and cry, to have her tell him it would be alright. Antoine looked at his mom, her bright eyes, one of her typical sad smiles on her face, the type that made you wonder if she could ever be truly happy again. He knew he didn’t have a choice.

“No…I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”

That night, after a scrumptious plate of meatloaf with some mashed potato on the side and multiple glasses of coke, Antoine lay in his bed. One arm was supporting the back of his head. The other held a black and white picture, and he stared at it absentmindedly.

There were many parts of the photo that were harrowing to look at; the black man’s face, beaten into an unrecognizable pulp. The way his head lulled to the side, lifeless. The white men and woman, eagerly trying to move into the frame, as if they were gathering for a picnic photo. But worst of all to Antoine were the kids: smiling, laughing, their innocence making them blissfully unaware of what was going on around them. They didn’t have a choice in this. Part of him couldn’t help but wonder where those kids were now. Did they grow up to be like their parents? It gave him a hollow feeling.

His mind traveled back to earlier that day. The initial moments after Antoine had found the photo pinned to his locker door had been chaotic. A dozen different questions had flashed through his mind, and he’d had difficulty ordering them; when one would fade, another would rise up in its place, raging through him in a whirlwind of anxiety and anger. Who did this? Why? What was the goal behind it? Was it simple bullying, a prank? Or something more sinister? Should he go to the principal? What would she ask him? What would he tell her? Could she even do anything? Should he tell Katie? Brennan? Mom?

Their sheer number threatened to overwhelm him, and Antoine quickly felt himself getting dizzy. Finally, one thought anchored itself in Antoine’s mind, a stabilizing rock amidst the tumultuous waves of his mental landscape:

Home first. Think later

It became like a mantra to him, a way to keep his nerves in check, to keep him from doing things he might later regret. The rest of the day passed in a haze. He recalled sitting anxiously in class, fidgeting in his seat, his eyes flashing at the clock every other second. He barely took in what the teachers said. The pages in his notebook were empty, his pen sitting uselessly on his desk.

Home first. Think later

When the final bell rang, Antoine had fled from the school as if he’d just committed a crime.

On the bus ride home, he had decided to finally tell his mom everything. Until now, Antoine had kept all of the bullying a secret. His mom wasn’t a stupid woman; Antoine was aware that she likely knew he wasn’t exactly having the red carpet rolled out for him at school, just like she didn’t receive it whenever she went out for groceries. It was somewhat of an unspoken agreement that neither of them talked about it. That way, at least, they could pretend everything was alright.

But this was different. This wasn’t simple bullying, or some muffled laughs meant to make him turn his head. It was a threat. A violent threat. He couldn’t ignore this anymore.

But then his mom had hugged him and told him the good news, before Antoine could even say a word. Looking into her bright eyes, which for so long had been grey and downcast, Antoine couldn’t ruin the moment. It felt bad. It felt wrong.

A dog howled outside. Antoine put the photo in the nightstand drawer and wrapped his blanket around him. It took a long time for him to fall asleep.

If the picture had been meant as a prelude to something worse, for now at least, Antoine didn’t notice it. The next few weeks settled into what could almost pass for normalcy considering the situation he was in. There were still the muffled laughs and the furtive glances, and occasionally he’d hear a mumbled insult as someone passed him, but he’d gotten used to them by now. While the morbid discovery of the picture had put his nerves on a knife’s edge, Antoine found his schedule getting increasingly packed, which helped take his mind off of things.

After his first workout session with Brennan, Antoine had felt like his limbs would fall off if he tried to use them. He quickly learned that the human body had a lot more muscle groups than he initially thought, and working out entailed a lot more than simply lifting some dumbbells. Brennan pushed him hard on his first day, “Just to see what your’re capable of!”, and by the end of their training, they, or rather Brennan, had decided on a routine, with Antoine simply nodding along as if he understood everything: Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays would be, respectively, arms and shoulders, chest with an extra long session of cardio, and to close out the week, back and legs. Brennan also did Thursdays and Saturdays, but for now, Antoine would make do with three days.

Brennan was also quick to change Antoine’s dietary habits. He needed to eat more. A lot more. It was, Antoine learned, even more important than the workouts themselves. As Brennan explained it to him; just as an overweight person needed to change his diet to lose weight, a skinny person likewise needed to do the same if they wanted to grow any real muscles.

“You see a lot of those types here,” Brennan had said one day as they were doing pull-ups. “They come here every day, and every week they look the same. It’s the diet man. All about the diet.”

One person that seemed happy about all of this was Antoine’s mom, more so than Antoine himself. She seemed to take it as a compliment that he ate so much, and was more than willing to oblige with increasingly large portions, casually dismissing any concerns about their budget Antoine hesitantly brought up. She would also constantly try to get him to invite Brennan over, though Antoine would pretend like he didn’t hear her.

Thursdays was basketball practice. Antoine had been hesitant to accept coach Harrison’s offer, especially after finding the gruesome picture. What if the person (or persons) that did it would be waiting for him on the court? He thought of Roy, and the cocky grin he’d had on his face when he tackled him during his first PE class. They still ran into each other every now and then, which was inevitable considering they were both seniors, and Roy and his friends were by far the largest source of mockery for Antoine at school. They worked like amplifiers: almost every one of Antoine’s classes had at least one of them in it, and they seemed to galvanize the other students into being more overt with their bullying.

Thankfully, his fears seemed to have been unfounded. While he still clearly stood out like a sore thumb, none of the other boys seemed to have it in for them. They mostly seemed to care for what he could bring to the court, and Antoine was quick to realize why: the John Addams High basketball team was, in every sense of the word, bad. There were no two ways about it.

Their positional play was awful, often letting rogue runners pass through without much effort. They fumbled more passes than Antoine could keep track of, and their shots sometimes looked like they were intentionally aiming to miss the basket. During their first session, Antoine had been staring with growing disbelief, and when he looked at Mr. Harrisson, it was clear that he was mildly embarrassed by the display.

“These kids, you know”, he told Antoine after training was over, “they’ve got the drive, the passion, but it’s the mechanics. I try to tell them what to do, but they need to see someone actually do it before they learn. Like an example. You get where I’m going with this?”

And that example, of course, would be Antoine.

Saturdays he would sometimes spend at Katie’s place, gaming for hours on end. It was a lot easier now that he knew the bus stop near her house. A twenty minute walk turned into a five minute bus ride, and he always enjoyed spending some time with the old hard hearing bus driver. Being the only other non-white person in town, they had an almost instinctual kinship; the type a pair of mice had, trying to stay ahead of the house cat.

At first, though, Antoine had considered rebuffing Katie’s invites. Being around Katie’s home meant being around Suzy, and part of him was still nervous that she found out about the little ‘present’ he left her during his first visit. On top of that, he was even more concerned about what Alison might have told her. They were in cahoots, that much was obvious.

Suzy, however, seemed content to let him and Katie be. More often than not she would be out when Antoine came around, and when she wasn’t, she would basically pretend they didn’t exist. Antoine was becoming increasingly attached to Katie’s home. The transition from his rundown neighborhood to Katie’s upper-class one was like daybreak on a cloudy morning, and Antoine always looked forward to the next time he would visit.

Another reason for this was that, a week after Antoine found the picture, his mom had started her new job. The commute took her an hour and a half by bus, meaning she would wake up early and come back late. More often than not, Antoine found himself re-heating leftovers from the night before, or just throwing a pizza in the oven.

Antoine didn’t like it: the death of his father and moving to Wellspring had made Antoine and his mom closer than they had ever been back home, and she was the main reason why home felt like <i>home</i>. Before, when he got back from school, Antoine would open the door to his mom laughing on the phone with one of her friends, or find the TV’s audio turned up as his mom was in the kitchen, half-listening while she cooked dinner. But now, after a long and tiresome day st school, he came back to an empty shell, dark and silent. But Antoine knew they needed the money, and he wasn’t about to complain to his mom about it.

Then one Saturday, during one of their customary gaming sessions, Katie dropped a nuke on him.

“Hey Ant, wanna stay for dinner next week?

Antoine thought he’d misheard her. He paused the game.

“What?”

“Hey, what gives!” Katie complained.

“Did you just invite me to dinner?”

“Uh, yeah?” She laughed at his blank stare. “Jesus Ant, you’re acting like I just asked you to marry me or something.”

“I…”

She was right. Why was he so nervous? He’d been to plenty of dinners back home, and he’d had plenty of friends over himself. This wasn’t anything different.

“Shoot that dirty nigger cum all over this tight, white body“

“Helloooo, Antoine.”

Antoine realized he had been staring at the floor next to Katie. He looked up.

“Huh? Oh, sorry.”

“You went full Twilight Zone on me for a second there. So, what do you say?”

She had him cornered. If he refused, it would be seen as an insult, and with all that Katie had done for him, that was the last thing he wanted to do. He didn’t really have a choice.

“I…I guess?” Antoine conceded.

Katie’s eyes lit up.

“Great! I’ll give you the details later. Now, let’s get back to this ass whooping I was giving you.”

School, workout, basketball training, gaming. They were the four pillars Antoine was building his life around. It brought a measure of stability to what had until now been a wildly chaotic life: he knew what each day would bring, and could plan around it accordingly. He found it easier to ignore the mockery, the whispers, the stares. He felt like he was standing on a rock in a vast raging sea, looking down at the waves crashing against the stone. They couldn’t reach him.

He wasn’t just improving mentally. His physique was rapidly changing as well. Brennan’s intense workout routine, alongside his new diet, brought results faster than Antoine expected. Standing in front of the mirror in his underwear, he could clearly see the changes; his shoulders became broader, his muscles more defined. At least, he thought so: sometimes he wasn’t completely sure whether he was staring at a patch of fat or some hidden musculature. But aesthetics aside, he was definitely getting stronger. Whereas before his school backpack had made him feel like a beast of burden, now he barely felt its weight as he walked around the school.

He also wasn’t blind to the looks he was getting. Girls would let their gaze linger on him for a fraction of a second longer than normal, before hurriedly turning away as if they felt ashamed of their momentary display of weakness. It made Antoine feel powerful, in control. The sensation was alien to him, and he savored every second of it.

But there was still one person that could make him feel small again, that could make all those weeks of confidence building seem like a meaningless effort: Mandy. She stood separate from the rest of the girls, like a curtained off artwork in a museum that only the privileged few gained access too. They shared two classes, calculus and history, so it was inevitable that he would run into her every week. Unlike the first day, however, Antoine never found himself sitting next to her, though he wasn’t sure if he was happy or sad about that.

Even then, being in the same room as her constantly threatened to revert him to the old Antoine: feeble, nervous, weak. He was like a puppy, willing to do anything for a scrap of her attention. At the same time, the thought of her speaking to him scared him more than anything.

You’re better than this, he would feebly try to convince himself. She’s just a girl.

But she wasn’t. Mandy was so much more than ‘just a girl’. That long golden blonde hair, the roots tipped black. The legs that seemed to go on and on, all but hypnotizing him whenever he saw her walk. The faint pink gloss on those luscious lips, begging someone to kiss them. And of course her boobs, those twin globes hidden underneath the outrageously thin material of her tops, tantalizingly close while at the same time impossibly distant.

“For a nigger he doesn’t smell too bad“

Finally, the day Antoine was supposed to visit Katie for dinner arrived, a lot faster than Antoine had hoped. He was at home, standing in the hallway as he put the last touches on his appearance. His mom was working, and he felt horribly alone, as if he were about to walk into a lion’s den without any support. He was expected to be there at seven. Antoine glanced at the clock: it was six-thirty. He checked himself out in the hallway mirror.

Antoine had decided on a plain white button-up blouse and an old pair of black dress pants that he found underneath a pile of clothes in his closet. It had needed a bit of deodorant, but when smoothed out it looked surprisingly presentable. He double checked his face for any outstanding hairs or blemishes, then triple-checked it to make sure. His mom had once told him the best way to feel right before a job interview was both satisfied and unsatisfied, and Antoine finally understood what she meant. Fidgeting at his collar one last time, he put on his jacket and walked out the door.

When he entered the bus, it was empty. The old bus driver gave him an approving look.

“Going somewhere special?” he wheezed.

Antoine pulled out his wallet. “Nah, just dinner at a friend’s.”

“Wha?”

Antoine sighed. “DINNER AT A FRIEND’S,” he said, nearly shouting.

He gave the driver the money and pocketed the ticket he received in return.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s how it always starts,” the aging mestizo chuckled. He waved a hand behind him. “Front-left seat’s the cleanest. I think.”

“Uh, thanks.” Antoine still double-checked the seat before sitting down.

From the bus stop, it was a two minute walk to Katie’s house. While he walked, Antoine mentally rehearsed his lines, thinking of any possible questions Katie’s parents might ask him. It was the first time he was going to meet them. Both worked full-time jobs, and whenever Antoine came over to hang out with Katie, they were always out, coming home long after Antoine had already left. The knowledge that he was finally going to meet them made him feel nervous. He felt like he was going to a job interview rather than a casual dinner.

When he stood in front of the towering house, Antoine stopped. There were two cars pulled up on the driveway, and the wooden fence to the backyard was wide open. Antoine could see lights burning in the patio. Something was lodged in his throat, and he found it difficult to swallow.

Stop being such a wimp, he told himself. What’s the worst that could happen?

Another voice rose up from the depths of his mind, the memory of a threat, reaching and clawing at him with gibbering tendrils.

“I got some friends that would love to get together for a nice dragging“

Antoine took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. The door opened near instantly, and Katie beamed at him with her customary smile. Antoine half-suspected she’d been waiting behind the door for a while now. Katie had on one of her typical oversized fantasy t-shirts, this one showing a white wolf howling at a full moon. She wore ragged looking short-shorts that showed off her legs, and Antoine couldn’t help but glance at them for a brief moment. He’d never seen Katie in short-shorts before. Were her legs always that shapely?

“Heeeey! Lookin’ good Ant!”

“Uh, hi,” Antoine replied belatedly.

He stood awkwardly at the same spot. Katie laughed, a toothy smile that showed off all of her braces.

“What are you, a vampire? You know you can just walk in right? Come on!”

She grabbed his arm and pulled him over the threshold.

Despite having visited her house several times, this was the first time Antoine had been through the front door. They always went through the backyard, and for Antoine it had basically become the main entrance. Compared to the rest of the house, the front hallway was modest. There were two racks where you could hang your coat, and as they walked through the hall Antoine saw various paintings lining the walls on either side.

“Got any tips?” he anxiously asked Katie.

“Don’t worry,” Katie reassured him. “My parents are going to love you. Especially my dad.”

Before he could ask what she meant, they entered the living room. There were two people waiting for them inside, standing expectantly next to each other, and Antoine knew they had to be Katie’s parents.

“Look what I found!” Katie said cheerily, pushing Antoine in front of her.

As they approached the pair, Antoine tried to inconspicuously wipe his hands on his pants. Katie’s dad was a large man, with a gut that stuck out like a barrel. He had the sleeves of his blouse strapped up, exposing arms that looked more like hairy logs. A thick beard covered the lower half of his face. He had a broad smile on his face, which seemed quite at odds with his burly appearance.

“You must be Antoine,” he said, extending his hand. His voice was deep, reminding Antoine of the rumbling of a car engine. “Nice to finally meet you, son. Katie’s told us a lot about you. Name’s Hank Deverall. This here is my wife, Christine.”

“I can introduce myself, thank you very much,” the woman snapped.

Antoine shook his hand, already uncomfortable.

“Uh, thanks for having me over. Really appreciate it.” Antoine said.

“How do you do?” Katie’s mom said, extending her hand with the palm down.

Katie’s mom was a regal looking woman, tall and statuesque. She had the same blonde hair as her daughter, and it framed a face with high cheekbones and full lips that wouldn’t have made her seem out of place on a catwalk. Her hair was elaborately pulled up, with a long needle keeping it all together. She and Antoine seemed to have been the only ones to dress up for the occasion, as she wore an expensive looking black lace dress. Christine had a neutral look on her face. She looked, Antoine thought, somewhat bored.

Antoine grabbed her hand, or rather her fingers, and shook it. Katie’s mom raised her eyebrows slightly, as if she were expecting something different, but then quickly pulled her hand back. Hank let out a roaring laugh.

“You’re, uh, you’re supposed to kiss the hand,” Katie whispered.

Katie’s dad placed a large hand on Antoine’s shoulder with a force that made him stumble a step.

“I like you already! Chrisy, how about you and Katie go get the table ready. I’ll keep Antoine here company.”

His wife nodded curtly, but Katie wasn’t as easily brushed off.

“Hey, why do we always have to do this stuff?” she pouted. “How about you try to lift a few plates, huh?”

Her dad laughed, a booming noise that seemed to reverberate from the walls, as he guided Antoine towards the couch.

“Katie, hon, when you work twelve hours a day six days a week, I’ll be the first to set the table for you when you get home.”

“Bleh.” Katie gave him a “you’re hopeless” gesture and ran to join her mother in the kitchen.

Hank plopped Antoine down next to him on the sofa. The black leather invited Antoine to stretch his limbs and make himself comfortable, but he felt that might be inappropriate. So he simply sat there, hands resting awkwardly next to his body. Hank didn’t share his scruples and sat with his legs spread as wide as possible. The TV showed a nature documentary. Antoine watched as two snails gently touched their feelers against each other, the monotone voice of the narrator explaining what was happening.

“So.” Hank said, “So, so, so. Where you from, Antoine?” .

“Iowa, sir,” Antoine said.

“Sir? What is this, the army? I look like a drill instructor to you? Hank Deverall, boy. My daddy had it, his daddy had it before him, I like it, so I expect you to use it.”

Antoine felt embarrassed, but then he saw that Hank was grinning at him and Antoine realized he was joking. For the first time since he entered the house, Antoine managed a weak smile.

“Alright, uh, Hank.”

“Iowa huh…” Katie’s dad rubbed his hand together, as if he were a fly. “Been there a few times, on account of business. Nice state. Must have been quite the difference, coming here to little ol’ Wellspring.”

You don’t know the half of it, brother

“Yeah, kind o-“

“…but I reckon it’s not too different, y’know. Demographically speaking.”

Antoine knew what he was talking about. Iowa was widely known as a white-majority state with minimal minority presence. Of course, it was nowhere near as bad as Wellspring. There was a difference with having few minorities, and none whatsoever.

Antoine shrugged. “Uh, it’s not too bad in the inner cities.”

“Bad”? He wasn’t talking to his mom this time, he had to watch his words more carefully. But Hank didn’t seem to have taken offense.

“That so? Good, good. So, how you holding up here? Got any brothers? Sisters? Your parents doing alright?”

Antoine was somewhat taken aback by how forthright Hank was with his questions. It reminded him of his first day at school, when Katie had fired questions at him non-stop.

“It’s alright,” Antoine answered guardedly. He wasn’t quite ready to tell Hank about his dad. “I think we just need some time to…y’know, fit in.”

Katie’s dad nodded understandingly. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket.

“You don’t mind if I?” he asked Antoine

“Fine with me.”

Hank produced a lighter from his other pocket

“Some of the folks here…” he mumbled, trying to light the cigarette hanging from the side of his mouth. After the third try it caught, and he exhaled a thick cloud of smoke, letting out a content sigh.

“Ah, that’s it. I was saying, some of the folks here, they’re a bit, how’d you call it… backwards, understand? Didn’t move on with the times.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Antoine mumbled, and immediately regretted it. But Katie’s dad didn’t seem to have heard him.

” “Times they are a changing”, like ol’ Bob said. Gotta change with it, or you’ll be left behind. You know I voted Obama? Twice.”

Antoine didn’t know what to make of that anecdote. “Uh…cool?”

Hank nodded, tapping the end of his cigarette on the glass ashtray on the table.

“Good fella. Knew what he was doing. Wish we could have had four more years of him, eh?” He slapped Antoine’s shoulder, and Antoine smiled awkwardly.

God, if you’re there, I could use a hand

Thankfully, right then Katie came in to announce that dinner was served. Hank stood up with a labored grunt, and Antoine followed him to the dining table. It was your typical traditional dinner table, made of dark wood elaborately carved in several places, and long enough to hold four chairs on either side.

As Antoine sat down in his seat, Katie plopped down next to him. Despite the lavish interior of Katie’s home (and, for that matter, exterior), dinner was a surprisingly modest affair. Antoine had a plate of spaghetti and meatballs ready and waiting for him, with a small bowl of salad with ranch dressing on the side. While Katie’s parents had red wine at their disposal, Antoine and Katie had to make due with a jug of clear water. He felt oddly disappointed.

Hank sat down at the head of the table with a puff, and Christine sat opposite of him at the other end of the table, with Katie and Antoine in between.

“You’ll have to excuse us, Antoine,” Hank said. “Mady doesn’t work in the weekends, so we have to rely on the missus here to cook something up.”

Antoine caught the venomous glare Christine gave Hank. Clearly, there was something between these two, though Antoine would be damned if he would bring it up. He had enough problems of his own to deal with. Instead, he turned to Katie.

“Mady?” Antoine whispered.

“Our cook,” Katie mumbled back.

“You have a cook?”

Katie’s home was like an entirely different world. Antoine was being introduced to things he’d only read about or seen on TV. But why did he feel so uncomfortable? Plenty of families had people working for them, cleaning, cooking, doing the laundry, looking after the kids. It was normal.

Because you know what color Mady is, an insidious voice inside him piped up.

“Ah.” Hank’s voice pulled Antoine from his thoughts. “Look who decided to show up.”

Antoine turned away from his hushed conversation with Katie and felt his breath choke.

Suzy had walked into the room, and casually sat down at the table opposite of Antoine. That alone would have been enough to put him on edge, but her outfit was what really made him want to get up and walk out the door. She wore a tight fitting white top that left her shoulders bare, cut so low that the swell of her breasts was clearly visible.

She’s not wearing a bra.

Her hair hang loosely around her shoulders, and her lips were blood red. She smiled thinly at Antoine. He recognized that smile. From his first visit here, a lifetime ago.

Next to Antoine, Katie let out an exaggerated sigh, but Hank clapped his hands together.

“Alright, now that we’re all here, let’s dig in!”

What should have been a relaxing dinner had at the turn of a switch turned into a torturous hell for Antoine. There was a tension in the air, a sense of antagonism that filled the space between Antoine and Suzy like gunpowder in a keg, waiting for the right spark. While everyone around him was calmly enjoying their meals, Antoine had trouble swallowing his bites. His hands were shaky, his palms sweaty.

“How’s the food, son?” Hank asked.

Antoine’s head jerked up, skittish, as if someone had fired a bullet over his head.

“Huh? Uh, fine. Thanks.”

“Really? You don’t have to lie, you know, Chrissy can take a punch, haha!” Hank glanced at Christine from the corner of his eyes, and Antoine saw a barely perceptible twitch in her left eye.

“No, really,” Antoine said, addressing Katie’s mom. “It’s delicious. Reminds me of the way my mom makes it.”

Finally, Antoine saw some emotion on Christine’s face. The hint of a smile flashed across her mouth, and she nodded appreciatively.

“You mean she can cook something other than chicken?” Suzy quipped.

Antoine felt a flash of cold go through him.

“Suzy!” her mom admonished her.

“What, it’s an honest question.”

Katie didn’t follow. “First those skanks at school, now you, what’s the deal with this ‘chicken’ stuff?”

“Watch your mouth, Katie,” Christine said, a final warning look at Suzy before returning to her own meal. Hank, meanwhile, was caught up in his own monologue.

“I’d love to have me some of that,” Hank was saying, his mouth full of spaghetti. “African food, I mean. I once went to this place in New York a couple years back. Best meal I ever had, I swear. Them folks know how to prepare chicken alright.”

Antoine took another fork-full of pasta and laboriously chewed it. He wish he were a beetle, so he could just burrow himself underground. Katie was arguing with her mom about something, while Hank was still waxing about the African restaurant he’d been too. Antoine glanced at Suzy. She was typing something on her phone, Her red lips seemed to beckon him, and he remembered the feeling of them as she engulfed his dick in her mouth. He felt something stir in his pants. As if hearing his thoughts, Suzy’s eyes suddenly flashed up to meet his. Antoine quickly averted his gaze and awkwardly starting poking at his plate with his fork.

“So Antoine,” Hank said, changing the subject. “How about you tell us a bit about yourself. You got plans for college?”

Antoine swallowed, trying to talk at the same time.

“I, uh…yeah, I definitely want to go to college. Maybe study Bu-ah!”

Antoine nearly choked on his food. Something was moving around near his groin, wiggling around, slowly moving upward. He glanced down. It was a foot. Suzy’s foot.

Katie put her hand on his shoulder as he coughed.

“Ant, are you okay?” she asked worried. She grabbed the jug of water and filled his cup. “Drink up.”

Antoine took a deep chug and the coughing receded. He glanced at Suzy through watery eyes. She acted like nothing was wrong, casually eating her meal, occasionally tapping on her phone.

“He must really like your cooking, Chrissy,” Hank joked.

Antoine wiped his mouth and cleared his throat.

“S-sorry. Uh, I wanna study Business Management. I might, uh, I might get a scholarship, but I need to up my grades a…bit.”

Suzy’s foot was getting closer towards his crotch, caressing his groin as she moved up. Antoine was painfully hard.

“Got a university in mind?” Hank asked, skewering a meatbal on his fork.

“Maybe Duke” Antoine managed. “Or John Hopkins. They ha-ugh.

He coughed again, trying to dislodge a chunk of meat stuck in his throat. Suzy’s foot had found it’s goal, and her toes began poking and prodding at his dick.

Thankfully, Katie came to the rescue.

“Dad, give him a chance to eat will you?”

Hank laughed. “Fair enough, fair enough.”

Suddenly Antoine felt the pressure in his crotch recede, and when he looked down, he saw that Suzy had pulled her foot back. He felt simultaneously relieved and disappointed.

The next few minutes proceeded in relative silence. Occasionally Hank would ask his wife something, or make a joke with Katie, giving Antoine time to swallow a few more bites. Suzy, meanwhile, had put her phone away and was likewise focused on her meal. But eventually, Hank couldn’t control himself.

“So, you like the house Antoine? Bet you never seen anything like it, huh?”

Antoine swallowed a mouth full of spaghetti.

“Uh, yeah, it’s beautiful.”

Hank nodded. “Chrissy did the decorating, though I reckon it could do with some fixing in a few places, eh? Need a man’s eye for those kinds of things, hah!”

The look Christine gave her husband was so cold that Antoine felt an involuntary shiver travel down his back.

“It’s great,” Antoine said, trying to compliment Katie’s mom. He felt a strange instinctive need to defend her. “Really wonderful.”

Again the corners of her lips curled slightly up.

“Thank you,” she said.

“By the way Ant, you never told me where you live,” Katie suddenly said.

The question caught Antoine off-guard. He felt a nervous panic begin to bubble up in his stomach. At the same time, he felt the pressure return in his crotch. Suzy had the tips of her toes caressing against the fabric of his pants, so gentle that it almost felt like she was tickling him. She was staring at him, a mocking smile on her face.

“Antoine?” Katie asked.

“I uh…it’s…”

He didn’t want to tell her. His neighborhood was a dump, the kind of place Katie’s parents wouldn’t be caught dead stepping a foot in. In the mornings you could make out all the grime and filth that lined the curbs. At night, when the streetlights came on, you heard things, things that made it clear that you didn’t want to be outside if you valued your possessions. But the decision was promptly taken from his hands.

“He lives down by the old mill,” Suzy casually said. She intensified her ministrations, putting on more pressure with her foot. Antoine’s dick was stiff as a mast, and he felt it push up against the insides of his pants, begging to be let out.

“How do you know?” Katie asked.

Suzy let out a half-snicker. “It’s not like it was hard to find out. They kind of…stand out.”

Antoine felt his panic begin to rise.

“The old mill…” Katie’s dad said thoughtfully, a hint of recognition in his voice. “Isn’t that the-“

“The junkie place,” Suzy finished gleefully. “Yep.”

“That’s uh…that’s interesting,” Hank said, though his voice signaled what he really meant: ‘bad’. “What does your dad do, Antoine?”

“He’s uh…he…”

“-ran off?” Suzy finished.

“No, he-” Antoine said, but Hank spoke over him.

“Bad thing, that. Man’s gotta provide for his family, that’s how it works.”

Two of Suzy’s toes moved up and down the length of his dick, faster and faster.

“It’s different in their culture,” Suzy said. “They’re either deadbeats or they run off the first chance they get”

“That’s not true, is it Antoine?” Katie asked.

Antoine felt sweat drops start to drip down his neck.

“Of course no-”

“You think he would be living in junkie street if his dad had a decent job?” Suzy sneered.

“Well, the prices are low, he might have a goo-“

Suddenly, Antoine couldn’t take it anymore.

“HE’S DEAD, ALRIGHT?!”

An awkward silence descended on the table. Suzy abruptly pulled her foot back.

“I’m uh…” Hank started, before faltering.

“I’m so sorry, Ant,” Katie said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Yes, my condolences, Antoine,” her mother added, genuine sympathy in her voice.

Suddenly Antoine regretted his outburst. He should have just stayed quiet and let it all wash over him. Now he’d made things a hundred times more complicated.

“It’s alright,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady.

“No, no,” Hank insisted. “That was unacceptable. I’m sorry, Antoine. Suzy, apologize to him.”

“For what? How was I supposed to know?”

“Well, miss detective, you knew where he lived but you didn’t know his father died?”

“Whatever.” Suzy stood up. Her plate was still half-full.

“You’re not finishing your meal?” her mother asked.

“Nah, I’m full.”

With one last biting look at her father, she grabbed her phone and went upstairs.

The rest of dinner concluded in silence. When Antoine finished, he asked Katie for directions to the bathroom. Even though Suzy had prematurely stopped her footjob, Antoine crotch was still sticky from the copious amounts of pre-cum she had teased out of him. Katie accompanied him to the upstairs bathroom.

“You know the rules,” she said when they reached the entrance. “If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down!”

The look on Antoine’s face must have been something special, because Katie burst out in laughter.

“I’m kidding. Jeez, Ant, give us some credit.”

When Katie returned downstairs, Antoine quickly started cleaning himself. It was an extremely uncomfortable affair. He couldn’t shower, so he was left with wetting his hands at the sink and trying to get the sticky crunch out from his crotch area. By the time he was finished, the ground was soaking wet, and he had to clean it with a towel that hang nearby.

That fucking bitch…, Antoine thought as he was on his knees.

Antoine couldn’t lose his cool now. He had to think of Katie; he could save his anger for when he got home.

Home first. Think later.

He left the bathroom and started making his way towards the stairs. As he passed the various doors, he saw that one of them was slightly ajar. A light was burning inside. He looked around to make sure nobody was around and peeked inside. He felt his pulse quicken.

Suzy was sitting on her bed, and she was naked. Her top hang from a closet door, alongside her jeans. Her bra and panties lay next to her on the bed. She was holding a bottle of skin-cream in her hand and poured a healthy blob on her palm. Placing the bottle on the nightstand, she proceeded to rub her hands together, spreading the cream all over them. Then she began massaging her body. Antoine watched in a trance as Suzy covered every inch of her body. She started with her arms before moving over to her chest, lathering her breasts and then her stomach. Her legs were next, and she went up and down the length of them with long strokes. As she switched legs, her eyes glanced upward, and she caught Antoine peeking at her. She let out a loud shriek and covered her breasts with her arms.

“What the fuck are you doing here creep? Get out, now!”

Antoine didn’t move, still mesmerized by the sight of Suzy’s naked, gleaming body.

Suzy got up, one of her arms moving down to cover her pussy and moved towards the door.

“Are you deaf, shit-for-brains? Get the fuck out!”

“SUZY?” Hank’s distant voice came from below. “EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT UP THERE?”

Suzy peeked her head out. Her nude form towered over Antoine who was still on his knees.

“I’m fine, just saw a spider!”

She roughly pulled Antoine to his feet with one hand (inadvertently giving him a close-up view of her breasts) and pushed him out the door.

“You’re damn lucky I didn’t tell my dad. You think he likes you? If he knew what you were doing, he’d fuck you up nine ways till Sunday.”

Something broke in Antoine. It was like a switch had been turned. He had enough. Today should have been a straightforward day for him, a nice comfortable dinner with a good friend. A chance to meet her parents, to leave a good impression, so that maybe they could help spread the word in this godforsaken town that he wasn’t an alien or a freak, but a human being just like them. Suzy had ruined that. Just like she ruined his first visit here. Suddenly all the anger inside of him of began to rise to the surface: anger at Suzy, anger at this town, anger at Roy, and Alison, and even Mandy. But more than anything, he was angry at himself, angry for having submitted himself so willingly to these girls just for the promise of a little pussy, allowing them to treat him like an animal, to insult him, denigrate him, humiliate him. Antoine rose to his feet.

“Fuck you,” he said. His voice was cold.

Suzy raised her eyebrows.

“Excuse me? What did you say, you fucking coon?”

“I said fuck you, you fucking bitch.”

He took a step towards her. Instinctively, Suzy took a step back.

“Get the fuck out of my room,” she said, but there was a slight tremor in her voice.

Antoine didn’t stop. He advanced on her, like a tiger drawing near to a wounded gazelle. He slammed the door shut behind him. He could see something resembling fear on Suzy’s face, but it was mixed with something else, something he couldn’t quite place. But Antoine didn’t think about it too long. He was burning up inside. He needed an outlet.

Antoine pushed Suzy on her bed. He had several pounds on her, and his workouts with Brennan allowed him to bully her around like she was an infant.

“Wh-what are you doing?” Suzy asked nervously.

“I said shut the fuck up, you slut.”

Antoine’s voice sounded alien to his ears, like it didn’t belong to him. It was as if he were outside of his body, looking down at how this other him was bullying Suzy around. He took off his pants and underwear, and then pulled his shirt over his head, throwing it on the ground. He stood naked in front of Suzy, his dick at full mast. This time, however, he wasn’t ashamed.

“You want this, right?” Antoine hissed, grabbing his dick. “That’s all you girls fucking care about, huh? You, Alison, fuck knows who else you got part of that fucked up little gang of yours. Well, tonight you’re gonna get it.”

Suzy tried to scramble back, but Antoine grabbed her arm, holding it in a vice-grip and pulled her towards him.

“Not so tough now, huh?”

He pushed her head down towards his dick. Suzy tried to resist, but Antoine was stronger than her. His dick was pressing against her face, and Suzy tried to avert her head.

“You waiting for an invitation?” Antoine growled.

With a hate-filled look in her eyes, Suzy opened her mouth and tentatively wrapped it around Antoine’s dick. Before she had time to do much else, Antoine shoved her head towards his crotch with both hands, forcing her to take the entirety of his cock down her throat. Suzy was gagging, her eyes wide, spit falling down the side of her mouth. She tried to push back against Antoine with her hands, but he didn’t let up, holding her head in place as she choked on his dick. When he was satisfied, he let go. Suzy’s head jerked back. She was breathing heavily. Her mouth was covered in spit and precum, and she angrily wiped it away with her hand.

“You fu-” Suzy angrily began, but Antoine cut her off with a slap to her face. It wasn’t a hard hit, but Suzy had a shocked look on her face, as if she couldn’t believe he’d just done that.

“Shut up,” Antoine said. “Don’t speak unless I tell you to. Got it?”

Despite herself, Suzy nodded meekly. Antoine had never seen her so subdued. It turned him on even more.

Antoine got on bed with Suzy, pushing her to the center. He forced her on her stomach and pulled her hips up so that her rear was pointing at him. The folds of her pussy were swollen, it’s edges glistening, begging him to pierce her with his member. Suzy turned her head to look up at him. Again she had that strange look on her face, desperation and anger mixed with something else. When his dick was right in front of her slit, Antoine stopped.

She wants this, he realized.

She was trying to play him again, acting like a helpless white damsel before his brutish black domination. This was all just another fucked up sexual fetish of hers, and he was happily obliging like a poodle called to heel.

Antoine’s eyes moved up, away from her pussy. Slowly, he pulled his dick upward, towards the smaller hole higher up. When he brushed the opening with his dick, a shiver went through Suzy’s body and her head jerked back.

“W-wait,” she said, and Antoine heard real panic in her voice. “Please don’t. I-I’m sorry, alright? I wont bother yo- ow!

Antoine pulled his hand back, a red spot spreading on her left ass cheek where he’d spanked her.

“You just don’t learn do you? Shut. The fuck. Up.”

He spanked her again for good measure, and Suzy arched her hips in response. This time, she stayed quiet. Her body trembled slightly.

Antoine positioned his dick right in front of her ass. His dick was still wet and sticky from his earlier throat-fucking of Suzy. Still, it wouldn’t go as smoothly as if they used real lube. A part of him wanted to stop, to get off the bed and stop this insanity.

Coon. Porch monkey. Nigger.

Without warning, Antoine plunged his dick in Suzy’s asshole.

“AAAH! Hnnghh…too big, it’s too…UGH!“

Antoine’s dick was partially engulfed by her hole. It wasn’t as soft as he was used to going vaginal, but at the same time it was far tighter. As more and more of his cock went in, Suzy’s painful moans got louder and louder. More so than the sensation, this was about how it made Antoine feel inside: he felt dominant, in control. She was completely at his mercy.

“Oh god…” Suzy mumbled after he had fully entered her.

Antoine started moving his hips, pumping in and out of her. The friction was almost unbearable. Suzy’s muscles contracted every time he pushed in, almost preventing him from pulling back out again.

“Not so hard!” Suzy cried out. “Not so…oh, Jesus!”

Antoine ignored her pleas, ramming into her mercilessly. As he fucked her ass, he squeezed her ass cheeks, feeling and molding the soft flesh underneath his fingers. Every so often he would spank her, and soon Suzy’s ass was covered in red marks. Suzy started fervently rubbing her clit, but Antoine grabbed her hand and threw it aside. She wasn’t going to enjoy this. Not this time. He wouldn’t let her.

Soon enough, Antoine felt himself reaching his limit. His first instinct was to pull out like he always did. But suddenly he changed his mind. He kept thrusting into Suzy’s asshole, even as he felt the familiar sensation well up inside of him. Somehow, Suzy knew what was about to happen. She looked back in panic.

“No please! Just, not inside. Anything but th-unghhh“

Her pleas ended in a deep grunt as Antoine erupted inside of her, wave after wave of his cum shooting inside of Suzy’s hole. There was so much of it that it started pouring out the sides, pooling down on the bed sheets. When Antoine pulled out of her, Suzy collapsed to the bed. His cum dripped down between her legs, her arms motionless beside her. Her prone form rose and fell with every breath she took.

Antoine pulled Suzy’s head up by her hair, eliciting a weak moan out of her.

“There,” he spat, “tell that to your little friends.”

Suzy didn’t respond, keeping her eyes down. Antoine picked up his clothes from the floor. He didn’t bother looking back as he left the room.

When he got to the bathroom, Antoine quickly locked the door behind him. The adrenaline was starting to wear off and now he was panicking. What the hell did he just do? His head was spinning. He felt sick. Antoine quickly walked over towards the sink, but thankfully nothing came out. He looked into the mirror and saw his own nervous reflection staring back at him. Was this what he had become? Suzy was a bitch and she deserved every bad thing that came to her, but Antoine had stooped down to her level, had let his hate get the better of him.

Or maybe it’s been so long since you stood up for yourself that you forgot how it feels.

By the time he finished cleaning himself up, a full half hour had passed since he went upstairs. He was somewhat surprised that nobody had come up looking for him. When he finally came down the stairs, Katie was sitting on the couch scrolling through various channels on the TV. He saw her mom in the kitchen, wearing an apron in front of her dress as she cleaned the dishes. Hank was reading a newspaper, another cigarette hanging from his mouth. When Antoine came in he raised his head.

“Got lost on the way?” he chuckled.

Antoine let out an embarrassed laugh, trying his best to act like nothing was wrong.

“I, uh, the food must have hit a bad spot.”

“Hah!” Hank exclaimed. “Wait till I tell Chrissy about <i>this</i>!”

“Wanna watch some TV?” Katie asked. She had her legs up on the sofa, with her arms around her shins.

“Actually, I have to go home. Mom’s coming back soon.”

Katie jumped up. “I’ll walk you out.”

Antoine walked over towards her dad and shook his hand

“Eh, about that earlier thing…,” Hank said.

“It’s alright,” Antoine mumbled. “Really.”

Hank nodded, the relief visible on his face. “You’re alright, Antoine. Don’t be a stranger here, you hear?”

Katie’s mom had meanwhile walked out of the kitchen, cleaning her hands on the apron.

“Thank’s for dinner, Mrs. Deverall. It was delicious.”

“Please, Christine,” she said, extending a hand. This time, Antoine took it and gently kissed her fingertips. Christine smiled, the first real smile he’d seen on her face since he got here.

By the time he and Katie stood outside, the sun was starting to set. It was a warm night, and Antoine could hear the creaking of nocturnal frogs. Katie stood in front of her door.

“Not as bad you expected?” she asked.

Worse, Antoine thought.

“It was great. Thanks again. Tell your mom she’s a great cook.”

Katie nodded happily. “I’ll do that. Dad is always giving her a hard time about her cooking. Don’t know why, I always love it. She’ll like knowing you’re a fan.”

“See you at school, I guess,” Antoine said, turning around.

Katie grabbed his arm.

“Wait, Ant.”

Antoine turned around.

“What is it?”

“I, uh…” Katie seemed to be struggling to find her words. “You, uh, wanna start…hanging out?”

Antoine furrowed his brow.

“Don’t we already do that plenty?”

Katie lowered her eyes. “I mean, you know…like boyfriend and girlfriend.”

Oh lord.

What could he say? His cum was still pouring out of her older sister upstairs, and here she was asking him if he wanted to start dating her. He looked at her. Those bright blue eyes. The blonde hair always wrapped in a ponytail, a few stray strands falling down her forehead. The way she smiled at him, not afraid to show her braces. But most of all, what mattered to him was the way she treated him. Like a person. Like a human.

I hope I don’t regret this, Antoine thought

“OK, I guess,” he said.

Katie’s eyes lit up.

“Really? Wow! I never thought you’d say yes! You know, you’re my first boyfriend.”

Antoine had guessed as much. Looking at how giddy Katie was, he couldn’t help but smile.

“That’s alright. I gotta get home now, the bus is leaving in about five minutes.”

“Alright. See you at school, Ant!”

Katie waved him out as he walked down the porch and down the street

By the time Antoine got home, he was beat. His head hurt, his muscles ached, and he felt an overwhelming sense of guilt thinking of about what had happened today. All he wanted was to go back upstairs and lay down in his bed, and hopefully have a nice dreamless sleep. But as he walked by the living room door, his mom’s voice rang out.

“Antoine, come in here.”

She sounded oddly cold, and when Antoine entered, he saw that she was sitting on a chair in the kitchen. She was still in her work clothes.

“Hey mom, sorry I’m late, I-“

He stopped when he realized she was holding something in her hand, something small and rectangular. A photo. Antoine went cold.

“Mind explaining this to me?”

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