Dr. Hill

“Guy… Guy did you hear me,” I ask my patient who is sitting on a couch looking out of the window.

“Yes,” the young man replies without looking at me.

“Could you answer the question please,” I ask and he continues to stare outside.

“You asked me how I feel,” he responds and pauses almost to think of an answer,” Through nerve endings in and under my skin.”

“You know what I meant Guy,” I reply trying to get something out of him.

Three sessions in a week and nothing, not a single emotional response from Guy despite all the prodding I and his family have been doing. One week it’s the charming young man in the suit and now I watch a person who has no life or emotion move through his day like he’s waiting for death. The entire family including his newest sister are all concerned; in fact the only person I can’t figure out more than Guy is his biological father. Nobody seems to know what triggered this episode in him and they tell me so, except his father doesn’t talk about it. He watches for Guy, waits for Guy to speak with him and when asked if he knows anything he ignores the question like you didn’t exist while you were speaking. I’ve watch him do it not only to myself but to other members of the family. Its frustrating when you know the missing piece of the puzzle is right there but you can’t find it because someone is walking away with it.

“I know what you meant; I said after Sunday I’d change and that I’d be different. I didn’t expect this,” Guy finally answers my question and looks away from the window and down at himself.

“What happened Sunday,” I ask now that I have a point where things could have started.

I heard from the family there was some sort of a fight between Guy and his father on Sunday, an argument where Guy told his father that he ruined it and to go die somewhere. The story changes from family member to family member but the general idea is the same, Guy now hates his father and won’t interact with him or anyone else in the family since nearly everyone has tried to be a peace keeper and get them to talk. Only reason Guy talks to me is because as much as the family would want me to putting the two of them in the same room together would be the worst idea imaginable.

“I wanted justice and I was denied justice. Now I live in a world that I can’t exercise even the slightest control over so I’m waiting,” Guy replies to my question and gives me a little to work with.

“Guy you are smart enough to realize your family is gravely concerned for you,” I ask him and he nods,” They want to talk to you but you don’t listen to them, I’ve watched you avoid every member of your family in the past few sessions and only speak with me once they leave the room. Can you explain why you are against communicating with them?”

“Because I don’t make a habit of dealing with people who betray me,” his response is curious and I dig in.

“Why do you feel they betrayed you,” I ask the obvious since he’s responding to the questions.

“Because they don’t want me to succeed, I was ready to be made whole again and instead they want me broken and weak. They wanted me where they could control me because they didn’t like that I was doing what I needed to do to fix myself,” I listen and Guy explains and while answers are vague his determination is worse than before, now he really has no path out in his mind.

“Guy I know you probably won’t tell me and I understand if it’s too soon for you to talk about it but can you go into detail about what happened between you and your father on Sunday,” I ask and he finally looks at me.

“He stole from me what was going to make me whole, I was ready to be whole again and he decided that I’d be better empty… that’s how I feel Doctor, empty,” Guy tells me but I suspect more.

“Is this because after nine years he finally decided to be an authority figure to you,” I ask and he lightly shakes his head,” Is it because he is trying to be there for you? Have you considered he was trying to save you from something that would possibly hurt you, maybe even kill you?”

I ask the question and Guy finally stares at me hard, like he’s trying to figure me out. I watch as his body shudders lightly for a moment and I think I might have reached him, I am very wrong.

“You’re helping him, you’re helping all of them aren’t you,” Guy doesn’t ask, he accuses in a hollow voice.

“Guy I’m here to help you through what happened to you,” I begin and he decides he’s not done talking.

“You’re here because they pay you to be here. What happened to me HE did and THEY condoned. THEY sneak and hide and have private talks where I can’t hear, conspiring against me and now that I know they are conspiring they bring you in so they can learn more,” Guy stands up from the couch and it’s not anger, it’s his empty feeling coming off of him.

“Guy just calm down for a minute. Yes I am paid to be here but you are my patient and I am concerned for your mental health, what has happened to you for nine years has been more than anyone should endure and now you are turning on the people who have been the most concerned for you,” I begin to explain but he’s not listening.

“No, they are concerned for their control over me but there is a simple solution for that,” Guy says before walking past me and to the door to the room,” You can show yourself out, don’t come back for me… you won’t enjoy what you find.”

I can’t physically stop him from leaving, it’s his parent’s home and I get out of the room enough to see him make his way up the stairs and out of our session before seeing his parents, all three of them watch him walk away from me. They have questions and I have more.

“Dr. Hill could you please explain to us what happened,” Mr. Deluater asks, not in a demanding tone either.

“He doesn’t trust anyone here and he won’t tell me anything now,” I state a little disgusted with the whole situation,” If that’s everything I’ll send you my bill since getting him to speak with me now will take a straight jacket, a care facility and a lot of pharmaceutical assistance.”

“My son isn’t that bad, he’s upset but we’re just trying to help him,” the Mother, Loretta Delauter, decides to add her two cents.

“Helping him was possible months ago in a care facility where he could work out his issues in a controlled and stable environment. Now he’s had time to establish this process of healing on his own, I have no clue what it was and I’m afraid to guess, and you,” I turn to his biological father,” stepped in the way of it and in his mind have ruined any chance he had at recovery. You want your son helped? I’ll have him committed under psychiatric advisement since he’s not able to make rational decisions and he’ll get help he’s needed for months.”

“Dr. Hill what are our other options,” Mr. Delauter asks again without any anger.

“Find another Doctor who can work a miracle because he’s done with everyone in this house. His father has ruined his chance of healing or as he calls it ‘being made whole’ and he won’t forgive you for that. Then when he turned to everyone else to take his side against his father you tried to play peacemaker and at that instant he saw nobody on his side, you were on his father’s side,” I explain and Mrs. Donnelly decides to interject.

“We were trying to help the two of them talk and work things out,” she explains and I have to remind her what she’s dealing with.

“And that would work with a rational mind, your son is not rational nor is he stable. His father sided with his tormentors in his mind,” I explain and finally the Father adds something.

“He was going to hurt people, he could have been hurt had I not stopped him,” good linear thinking from Daddy Donnelly.

“That doesn’t matter to him; it hasn’t mattered since his second attack. All that mattered was what he planned to do to make himself feel better and when you stopped it you became the enemy. Then everyone told him he was wrong to put his hate on you for you trying to save him and now all of you get to sit on the opposite side of him. He won’t talk to you because you are his enemy now just as much as the police officers who hurt him and the gang members that attacked him,” I explain and now they stop trying to justify their actions,” You wanted to help him but you didn’t do what was best for him. Do you want him committed to psychiatric or not?”

“We’ll need time to figure out what would be best for Guy, Dr. Hill could you please come back soon for a follow up appointment,” Mr. Delauter asks and I nod but I know better.

I leave the parents to their decisions and see the siblings all waiting expectantly like I’m going to tell them their brother is going to be alright. I shake my head and return to my car, I need to get back to the office and start paperwork to commit Guy to a care facility before something horrible happens.

Carlos Ortega

Its Monday one week after Guy was supposed to ‘get his revenge’ or whatever on me and my people but nothing has happened. I’ve seen his sisters at school and while Bethany and her friends are quiet about everything Abigail is worse. I was watching as her and Marta were talking and I don’t know what Marta said but Abigail was loud enough telling my sister where she could go and where her family could go with her that I don’t think anyone knew she could get that loud. I waited till Abby left before checking on my sister who told me ‘shit was fucked up’ and ‘we need to fix it’. Well it’s the beginning of a new week and still no Guy at school which doesn’t help my plans to talk to him and put myself in front of him. Another school day passes and not one of my people has seen Guy when I figure I need to talk to someone new. I get a notice she’s alone heading to her car as I jog to catch up to her.

“Hey, girl we need to talk,” I tell the girl in the black leather jacket.

“Why? You want to run a train on me with your boys but I got to be cool with it first? Or do your ladies need someone to show them how not to look like whores,” she turns on me fast but I expected the hostility.

“Woah, that ain’t who we are. Yeah shit we done ain’t nice or friendly and yeah Guy took a lot from us but we ain’t doing that anymore,” I tell her and she doesn’t look like she cares,” Do you know where he is? I’ve been waiting for him to hit me with whatever he had and nothing.”

“So what you actually want to pay for the shit you did,” she asks and I shrug.

“Figure I owed it to him to let him do whatever he had planned to me,” I tell her and she looks at me more confused.

“You’d let him just take it out of you? Yeah you really should rethink how you look at revenge. It wasn’t about him getting revenge, he wanted to feel like he could hurt you and I haven’t heard from him since before he was supposed to do everything,” she explains and I figure I need to push a little.

“If you see him tell him anything he needs to do we’re here. That and I’m sorry,” I tell the girl before leaving for my ride.

I make it to my ride and head to meet up with someone a little wiser and a lot older than anyone I know for advice. He’s in his office and a little surprised to see me, I’m a couple days early.

“And here you are again with that look on your face,” the Old Man greets me without even looking up from his books.

“Yeah well I’m just wondering what happened. He kept saying that he was going to do… something and he’s been missing for a week now and when anyone got close to his family to ask questions they snapped,” I start to explain but the Old Man looks up at me.

“You mean she snapped. You like that sister of his and she snapped at you,” he says but I shake my head.

“Abby snapped at my sister. They’re friends and Marta was trying to be a friend and Abby just went off like a bomb,” I explain and the Old Man sits back.

“Has it even once occurred to you that this girl is never going to just saddle up to you no matter what you do? Maybe that you’ve hurt enough of her family that she’ll never see you as anything more than what you made yourself into in her mind,” he tells me and I figure he’s right.

“Not just her man, since all this came out nobody looks at me or my people the same. I mean I barely got my sister to talking to me and one of my boys asked a girl out and…,” I want to say something about it but the Old Man knows.

“He got turned down hard enough to warrant a response from the females in your crew,” he asks and I nod, she was harsh for a sophomore,” Well I say stop worrying about kiddie shit and focus on business. You’re done with this, hell you only stayed in that school an extra year for two reasons. Your sister and recruiting.”

“Yeah well numbers this year aren’t so good,” I tell him and he nods.

“Because it’s time for you to get out, now you send younger people in and in less than a year people will want in and you’ll be running bigger section of business under me and we’ll carve out more control over the drugs you hate,” he tells me and I nod but it seems so far away,” Stop pissing and moaning about, I mean the kid’s gotta be happy we found his tormentors.”

Detective Nancy Escalante

The trace DNA matched up, the fingerprints on the bag matched up and after we raided Officer Martinez’s home and found a couple more things I was able to piece into the second attack on Guy Donnelly. I got the people who attacked Guy, Detectives James and Crawford along with the previously mentioned Officer Martinez, but all have decided to lawyer up through their Union reps and won’t talk even with us keeping them separate so they can’t change stories or coordinate pointing the blame. Captain Miller isn’t too happy either since this happened in house but he’s doing his most to keep it down and out of major public scrutiny considering all the trouble it’ll bring. Worst thing I have going on now is the looks I’m getting from the other officers. Crawford and James were good officers, good detectives and were known for answering calls to back up others when they were needed. I’m eating with Dominique from the lab because my desk is near what feels like hostile territory when she asks a question.

“So have you spoken with the victim yet,” she gets the words out and it hits me.

“No, I mean he’s probably been informed but I’ve been so busy the past week with everything upstairs that I completely forgot,” I tell Dominique who gives me a skeptical look.

“Right, and it wouldn’t have anything to do with the fact that you took so long the first time and he has less respect for the police than half the people you’ve busted,” Dom is being a little over the top.

“I failed him because I was looking in the wrong place but now I get to change that story and put a better ending on it,” I tell her grabbing what’s left of my leftovers.

Yes it’s the middle of the day on a school day but I figure it’ll be good to see Guy as soon as he’s home from school and give him the good news. It takes me about thirty minutes to drive to the neighborhood and another ten just to get to the house but I’m at the front door with a happier mood as I knock on the door. Sadly the woman answering, Guy’s mother Loretta, is not as happy.

“Hello Detective is there something I can do for you,” she greets me sounding a little flat.

“Actually I was wondering if I could speak with your son,” I say the last word and she cringes.

“That… would be unadvisable right now; my son is troubled and has been out of school for the past week. Right now he’s upstairs in his room and he’ll probably be there tomorrow as well,” Loretta Donnelly tells me and I nod but I have to persist.

“Please Ma’am; I’d like to speak with him. It’ll be for a few moments but it’s important and if he’s troubled maybe I can help,” I offer and see her resist.

“Detective Escalante, I understand this is a good time for you by helping us and solving the two attacks on my son but it’s not a good time for him or my family. Things have been… trying recently and we’re still not making any headway in putting the pieces back together,” She explains and I am going to have to insist also.

“Be that as it may I can try to speak with him, see where he’s at and if he allows it talk to you about it,” I offer and I see a crack in her resolve,” Besides if you don’t want me up there than me being up there is what he’ll want.”

It’s a shot in the dark but considering everything that has happened with Guy and the stress him mother is obviously under he’s probably angry at them and everyone else since he was wrong about Carlos Ortega and his people. Well he wasn’t completely wrong, just about two incidents. Mrs. Delauter allows me inside and has the maid take me to Guy’s room, the maid doesn’t seem afraid of Guy’s room like the mother was, I’ll have to check on that later. I knock on the door and don’t hear anything when the maid, Rosa, opens it for me and motions me to step inside. I don’t see Guy anywhere at first but some movement at the side of the bed by the floor and wall show me Guy in sweats and a t shirt. He raises his face to me and I see a blank and honestly empty feeling in his eyes as I move to speak with him.

“Hello Guy, your mother said you’d be up here,” I start and he doesn’t respond,” I had to insist that I came to see you, she was against it but benefits of a badge.”

“Why come to me, you found your bad guys. Ironically enough I have no clue who they are so arresting them gives me no respite,” Guy says in an even, almost monotone.

“Still wish it was Carlos Ortega,” I ask and he looks at me,” I know now everything that happened to you. It came out a little while back ironically when we were questioning one of the officers involved in what happened to you. They saw some of what happened and that’s what made you a perfect victim.”

“Well apparently not perfect enough at being victim, Carlos and his people still walk the streets free and clear while I live out my time as the fool who couldn’t even get justice for himself,” Guy is talking about something he was planning and I remember him trying to buy a weapon.

“Not like you and the attempted gun buy,” I ask and he shrugs,” Guy why are you up here really? They won’t talk to me about it and your mother was dead set on me not coming up here so explain it to me in simple terms please. I am the cop that couldn’t find your attackers for over half a year.”

It’s a bad joke at my own expense but I see him shift a little, maybe I’m reaching him. I watch him straighten up and after a moment of his own thoughts I get my answer.

“I had a plan; I was going to hurt them. I was going to hurt them and they were going to have to live with what I did for years. No hospital, no funeral, no blood. Just fire but my fire was taken from me,” he begins and I almost ask who took his ‘fire’,” My family decided that they knew what was best for me regardless of what I wanted or had planned.”

“So say you did whatever you did, how bad would have been the fallout on your family,” I ask and he shakes his head,” Not want to think about it?”

“No there would have been none, nobody physically hurt. Just a lot of people wondering what happened and picking up the pieces of their lives afterwards, sadly that’s not meant to be and there is a simple saying I’ve adopted since I was little. If you’re not with me you’re against me,” he says and I nod.

“Yeah, I have five members of my own family that don’t talk to me and my Mom keeps asking when I’m going to fix the mess I made,” I explain and he actually gives me an interested look,” I arrested my cousin and he served five years in jail. I wouldn’t let him go or take the stand in defense of him.”

“And his family, Mom and Dad were a little upset,” Guy asks and he sits up from his spot on the wall.

“Yes, but not as much as his brother and sisters,” I begin and realize that I’m letting him know a little more about my past than I originally intended but maybe this will do something for him,” rest of my family took their side out loud but nobody says anything about it in private or to my parents and I know what I did was right.”

“Well that explains how you can knowingly arrest people close to you despite how ‘good’ people say they are,” Guy says and I see him settle back to his spot on the floor and wall.

“There’s a point to it, family is going to defend family. My parents want peace but my cousins can’t accept that their brother was a shit got caught,” I explain and he nods a little.

“There is no best in people, everyone wants to hurt you and when they can they will betray you. you can only trust yourself,” he says and I watch his head roll down to have him looking at the floor,” despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage.”

“Then do something about it, if they try to stop you then keep doing it. You want to make people remember what they did to you and regret it then do something. Just don’t do something I’ll have to respond to… I would arrest you,” I add the last bit as a joke, it’s not like he’s really able to hurt anyone.

I say my goodbye to Guy and hope he will feel better soon before stepping out of his room and make my way back down to the main floor of the house. His mother is waiting almost expectantly wringing her hands and waiting for some sort of run down as to what we spoke about.

“He’s defeated, that’s how he feels. He hoped his family would support him but you didn’t and whether you believe it or not he does. Want to get him out of his room,” I ask her and she nods a little,” show him something that would help prove you want to do what’s best for him in his mind, not yours.”

“I don’t know how to do that, I’m not even sure what that would be,” she says and I shrug.

“If you know who they are, the people he seems fixed on, just find a spot and poke it publically,” I tell her as she shows me to the door.

I feel good, better than I have in months now that I’m putting this more in my rearview and looking forward to what could be a promising career if I can get a few of my fellow officers to trust me again. Need to call John, he promised me a weekend.

Loretta Donnelly: Thursday that week

Find a spot and poke, advice from the detective that brought my son’s attackers to justice. I dusted myself off and went to work, two days worth of work and maneuvering to find a very soft and tender spot. Now I have a meeting and I need one person to help me, my son. I’m outside his door and ready to force him to dress up having asked him four times when he steps out in a polo shirt and slacks, his hair isn’t done per se, just that young male messy the girls seem to love. We get in my car and we’re off to my meeting. He doesn’t ask what we’re doing, he barely resisted coming with me save for not responding when I asked how close he was to getting ready. We’re in my car, I wouldn’t even dare to try to take his car considering how attached he was/is to it. I honestly don’t know what my baby boy is thinking these days but it’s about time I dusted off my worst trait. We arrive at the hotel restaurant and are seated, menus are handed out and I read over mine while Guy sits quietly waiting for something to come around and shake him loose. My friends arrive shortly and are seated, nobody Guy knows, and we begin to discuss business before I order both for myself and my son. I eat and talk while explaining that my son is a little overwhelmed by everything that has been coming through his life recently. We work out basic details and I am assured that should I need to take action it will be done fast and with very little compassion for the other party. My guests leave first and I finish my meal, Guy is about half way through his and picking at it like he doesn’t know if he has an appetite or not. Love my son but no time for me to be soft right now, Mommy has a couple more stops before we return home. Another drive and this time we’re at a more faithful location. I’ve seen the letters and figured I’d meet with the nice priest who has been requesting a few serious donations. I park in the designated visitor parking and grab a few files from the soft leather attaché case I keep for documents and once I coax my son out of my car I lead him into the church and get my son seated in the back while I meet with Father Gomez. He’s a younger but not too young priest with a happy yet tired face and a full head of thick black hair and a matching mustache.

“Mrs. Delauter? I’m Father Gomez and welcome to my humble church,” he greets me with a smile and a hand shake.

“Thank you Father, I’ve finally been able to look at a few of your requests. You didn’t list a lot of specifics so I had to do some digging,” I mention my investigating and he looks surprise,” The people I am representing like to know the money they donate will be put to good solid things and not frivolous endeavors.”

He assures me of his good intentions, I already know what he really needs but he tells me a few of them. I listen as he explains restoration, repair and revival. It’s a lot of work but not impossible, just takes time and money. He shows me how the electrical system needs updating and the plumbing has a few problems, all of that I already know about but I listen anyway. I’m waiting for it. Half an hour of talking and him proving to me he is a good decent leader for this community is all it takes before I hear them.

“Hey Father G,” I almost detest the sound of my son’s tormentors but in this case I was hoping for them.

Alright I wasn’t hoping, I have two daughters who moved a lot of personal information to find out when Marta’s brother’s people were going to be visiting this church to help out with some of the clean up. Father Gomez doesn’t see my reaction to the young men and it only takes a moment before they notice my son.

“Hey, it’s him,” one says pointing out my son to a thin Latino, possibly the one in charge,” Go get your stuff man.”

“Yeah H, we got your back man. Just keep it cool, Carlos is still watching out on him,” a heavier one tells their leader.

I pay attention to my papers as Father Gomez attends to three out of the four boys while the leader moves in on my son. Guy doesn’t react to Hector, I don’t even think he responded to Hector until he touched my son’s shoulder and then I heard a defined ‘no’. I figure now I get to act, more aptly react.

“Excuse me but take your hand off my son,” I use Mom voice, I have one and rarely use it as Guy cringes a little.

“Your what,” Hector, skinny little gang member, removes his hand from Guy and turns to address me,” You’re his Moms?”

“No I am his Mother, I am not his Moms. Now step away from my son,” I tell him and he gives me that look, that I don’t take orders from you look.

“Listen lady, me and your son got business so back up for a minute,” oh now I am smiling mad.

“Father Gomez,” I call out and that gives Hector pause.

“Mrs. Donnelly? Is something wrong,” Gomez asks moving towards me and I turn to face him, Hector can wait.

“Could you please explain to me why a gang member is harassing my son in your church,” I ask and everyone in earshot stops.

“Mrs. Donnelly that boy is not a gang member, they are a neighborhood watch group and they help out at this parish,” Gomez explains and I stop him.

“No, that is a gang member. His friends helping you are gang members; this is a haven for gang activity. Interesting that you’d leave that off your list of known affiliations,” I state recalling the facts as Gomez scrambles a little.

“I apologize Mrs. Donnelly but as I said they are not gang members,” his argument is one of ignorance, not greed, poor man.

“If they are not a gang why is he harassing my son? Why is it when I told him to stop he told me ‘back up for a minute’? That sounds just like the mentality of someone who answers to a different brand of order than those of us who follow the legal system. Now aside from the now simple fact that you cannot tell a gang member from a teenager in sagging cloths have him lift up his shirt and turn around,” I tell Gomez who looks at me a little stunned,” Tell him to lift his shirt and show me his back.”

“Hector do what the lady says,” Gomez tells Hector and now Hector is nervous.

“Umm Father G, can I not do this right here,” Hector asks and now he’s nervous.

“So what is he holding Father Gomez? Is it a gun? Drugs? Why is one of your ‘helpers’ who is a neighborhood watch member afraid to do the most basic search in front of us,” I ask and Gomez is watching his funding fade into the shadows.

“Mrs. Donnelly I’m sorry he was speaking with your son and he didn’t respect your wishes. Some of the young men in the neighborhood watch group are still in a few church courses on how to respect others as they would want to be respected,” Gomez is turning old testament, too little too late.

“I’ve seen all I need to see Father Gomez, don’t reapply for funding again. We have other more… respectable groups that can be funded without appearing to fund violent gang activity. Have a pleasant day,” I finish my meeting with Father Gomez who pales a little at my words.

Hector moves out from in between Guy and I and with no prompting Guy stands and I place my hand on his shoulder to help guide him. I get almost out of the door when I stop and turn to look at Hector.

“Carlos Ortega… he’s the leader of your little group isn’t he,” I ask and before he answers I finish my thought,” don’t speak, I’m just confirming what I already know. You might want to talk to him soon, he’s about to have a worse day than you.”

With that I lead my son to the passenger side of the car and let him get in without any help from me before joining him and driving to my last stop for the day. I’ve seen the house before in the small pictures that Abby used to send to show me where she was a couple years earlier. The single floor house is in three files I had delivered from the bank manager I was speaking with at lunch today. I step out of my car and encourage my son to step out with me. He’s cautious I think, I can’t honestly gauge his feelings right now but the boldness that he had before Neal did whatever Neal did is gone leaving me a shattered son. There are several of the gang members that Abigail informed me of that Carlos leads hanging around the front yard with their various colorful cars and I’m thankful the colorful language has stopped as my Mercedes and I drew the attention I needed.

“I’m here to speak to Carlos Ortega, how does one gain the attention of someone in charge in this… social setting,” I ask keeping my money and standing at the front of
this situation, for now.

It takes about a minute before I’m treated to the muscular Latino male that is Carlos Ortega, he sees Guy but what he can’t stop looking at is me. I’m pretty sure he never thought I would ever show up on his front lawn. He’s cautious but respectful; I think he knows who I am.

“Mrs. Delauter,” he asks and I nod,” Ma’am I didn’t know you’d be coming by. I was hoping to speak to your son and hopefully the members of your family soon. A lot of things happened and I’m not proud of my hand in not stopping them when I should have.”

“Not stopping them is that how you see it,” I ask in a plain and very neutral tone.

“It was my people and I was in charge when it was happening so it’s on me. I said already I’m not proud of it and I was hoping to find a time to come over to your home myself and apologize for actions that fall under my responsibility to stop,” Carlos is good, saying all the right words for a person trying to plead their case.

“See and that’s how my son saw it for the most part, that it was your fault. I have adopted his way of thinking on this matter and while my son is currently not feeling one hundred percent I am,” I inform Mr. Ortega stepping onto his property,” Your father’s annual salary is about what… thirty six thousand? Mother only brings in an additional twenty two thousand and yet they have a double mortgage on a four bedroom home with almost no collateral.”

“Mrs. Delauter I don’t understand,” Carlos says and I nod smiling.

“I don’t expect you to… yet. Have you checked your mail today,” I ask and Carlos has the most confused look on his face,” You might want to, it’s a bit important.”

I watch him leave his parent’s lawn and head into his house; they must have brought in the mail without him knowing already. It takes a few minutes and while I wait I examine the house from a distance before Carlos returns from inside his home with the letter I hoped he would find.

“What is this, we make payments,” Carlos asks and I smile, my turn.

“No you make late payments, consistently late almost every other month for the past year and the approval process for your… I mean your parent’s second mortgage was approved when there were too many indicators that stated it shouldn’t have been granted. Now what you have there is your chance to keep things the way they are but I have to warn you that when people buy mortgages from the bank they don’t have to follow basic lease/renter laws,” I begin to explain and he rereads some of the paperwork.

“We can’t get thirty five grand in a week,” Carlos says it more for himself than me, but I like to hear it.

“That isn’t the bank’s concern but it does work out well for me as I’m on the list of people who look to renovate and purchase delinquent properties from their owners… well I am as of this week at least and I have three properties on my list,” I produce my file and take a quick look to recall the addresses,” Well this is fifty four sixty eight Bridges Road. I still need to stop off and visit twenty three zero eight Juarez Lane and six zero zero four Parkland Road.”

“That’s my Aunt’s house… and my cousin’s job! What… why… why are you doing this? I’m sorry, I feel horrible for what happened but this is my home… my family… why would you do this to them,” Carlos asks and his people are watching their leader’s world crumble.

“Because he is my family and my family has suffered enough without any sort of apology for months and that was only when my son was nearly killed did you seem to find any real remorse according to my information. You used your small power, influence and ‘friends’ to repeatedly abuse and hurt my son,” I begin to explain as his ‘gang’ looks at me like I’m the angel of death,” So now I’m going to use my connections, my family’s power and my money to do the same to you only I won’t have to be so quiet and hidden. I’m going to drag your family out of their homes and your friends out of their jobs.”

“But they didn’t do anything to you… or him,” Carlos is struggling, good; he needs to struggle with this.

“Because Carlos Ortega… I want people to remember your name. I want anyone who hears the name Delauter, Donnelly or Guy to remember Carlos Ortega and the ruin that was left of him and his family’s lives. When people ask about what happened to Guy Donnelly I want them to talk about how Carlos Ortega’s Aunt and Cousin were evicted from their home because they were related to him. When your friend Dutch finds out that he has to sell off his business at a severe loss because my son wants to build a business on its foundation it’s because he was your friend,” I step up to Carlos who is shaking in panic, I like that he’s afraid of me and my son, he wasn’t afraid before but he is now,” And when you look your Mother, Father and sister in the eye and explain to them that your family home is no longer theirs and you have to move to a cramped little apartment because nobody will allow you to take out a loan for a new house… I want you to remember that this was your fault. I want everyone to hear my son’s name and tell the tale of what happened to you.”

“I’m sorry… Mrs. Delauter I’m so sorry. Guy I’m sorry,” Carlos is pleading and I see tears, I have none for him.

“Well now, this has been a very productive day but I must get home and help out with dinner for my family,” I return to my car and look as Guy stares at Carlos almost like he’s trying to figure out what is happening.

“Mom… why,” my son asked me a question, his first words to me in almost two weeks.

“You are my son, your father tried to help you but he denied you what you wanted,” I ask and my son nods,” It might not have been what you wanted but you’re father is not a vengeful person, that particular trait you get from me.”

My son returns to his place in my car and we leave Carlos Ortega in tears in his own front yard in front of all his little friends. I don’t think about how he’s going to explain things to his family or who he is going to ask for help. Right now I’m thinking of my son and that he spoke to me, small steps. We return home and I walk with my son slowly into our home, he’s thinking that much I can tell and I let him take his time as my daughters check to make sure everything is alright and I figure soon enough I’ll let Abigail know that I’m going to be making her friend Marta homeless. I get started on dinner for the family and set a place for Guy at the kitchen bar in case he comes down. He hasn’t been sitting with the family the few meals he’s been a part of so let him decide where he wants to sit if he comes down but he spoke to me, that is a sign of something.

Almost six when I get the family seated for dinner but no sign of Guy, I hoped he would come down but I just barely got him to speak to me so it could be too much. We are nearly done with dinner when I hear glass shatter and the entire family, Gwen and Neal included all jump a little at the table. I get up from my seat and find my son Guy dressed in jeans and a plain white shirt but my eyes find his hands, my son’s bleeding knuckles.

“Guy do you need to tell us something,” I ask holding back my concern, trust the doctor’s original words and let him come to me.

“Talk… TV room… Parents… Now,” Guy demands stalking away from the family.

I nod and wave my husband off, I know what Guy meant but I’ll explain what needs to be explained soon for him alone. I lead Neal into the TV room and he closes the door after us as I watch my baby boy pace like a caged animal, I know this rage, he gets it from me.

“Why did you stop me,” Guy asks and looks at his Father for the answer,” WHY?”

“You were going to kill people or get yourself killed,” Neal answers Guy and I feel like I should have been brought in on what happened now a week ago.

“Did you see my plans? No, they were scattered on the floor of the unit. Had you read what I put down there you would have realized that what I had planned was physically painless,” Guy explains to his father very angry, angry is better than the depressed ‘nobody cares about me’ mood I think.

“Guy you had trajectories and times listed and once I figured out who you pissed off I had to make sure you didn’t get yourself thrown in jail or killed,” Neal is concerned for our son but something is wrong with Guy when he says that.

“How the hell did I come from you if you can’t think four steps ahead of the plan? The times were for when there was nobody in the buildings. I was going to blow them up and burn them down when NOBODY was in them. Some go homeless, some lose money but everyone feels a big ass dose of loss and they have to live with it. I had the ‘painless’ but horribly painful revenge planned and you, a man who decided nine years to late you wanted to be a father again, come out of the shadows and destroy my best plan to be made whole again,” Guy is angry but he thinks before he acts and this is a lot of thought, destructive thought but well thought out destruction.

“What Guy is trying to say Neal is that when someone else in our family needed you to step in and help guide them you decided to take everything into your own hands,” Guy almost interrupts me but he stops, he’s thinking even when he’s mad,” our marriage was good until… what happened and I threw myself into a bottle. That is my fault and for a few years you picked up the pieces and tried to keep things together, I don’t know if I could have been that strong.”

“Loretta I was trying to save our son,” Neal is defending himself but I am coming to a revelation on the subject.

“Yes but from what exactly? I heard you and some of your old work buddies talk; you planned everything when you were in the service. You didn’t always work by the seat of your pants. Now our son had a plan that was violent and barbaric but instead of confronting him you knee jerked on the situation and made a judgment call,” I explain his actions as seen from an objective point of view before shifting to a more personal one,” You did it to me and our marriage when there were plenty of other options and while I don’t fault you on your choice it shows that you don’t communicate with people when you expect them to trust you.”

“I couldn’t wait, his timetable was rapidly approaching. I had enough time to make a quick decision and that one took the criminals off the search for him,” Neal explains,” He covered his tracks but one RPG in a home and nobody would stop looking for him. Not the Police or the people he stole the weapons from could have let that slide. They would have found him then what?”

“We’d have dealt with that if it happened. I sat by for long enough and trusted that my son was taking care of himself and he was happy. In one morning you broke all the trust he had with you Neal, don’t you see that? YOU broke team,” I use old military terms to try to relate to him.

Guy isn’t visibly angry but I can still feel him burning while Neal is quietly standing in his shame because he has nothing to counter this. I didn’t fully plan to cut Guy’s father down so hard or at all for that matter, but Guy isn’t going to explain himself anymore and I have clarity on the situation as to what my son had planned. Now I turn to my baby boy.

“Guy you had a plan, you were going to fix things but you didn’t try to explain this when I and the rest of our family were simply trying to figure out by talking… TALKING to each other. Not sulking around like the world ended,” I realize I am being a little too harsh,” You felt you needed this payback and while I’m not sure burning down a few buildings was the best idea you were trying to do something on your own.”

“Yes, I was trying to get this for me,” Guy interrupts but I let him for a brief moment.

“I understand that but that’s not what families do. What happened to you happened to all of us, yes you suffered and you bled and you lay in pain physically and mentally for years but ALL of us suffered. This family is walking on egg shells waiting for you to blow up or change and all the time you have these secrets and plans that you keep to yourself and I trusted you to be smart and safe about it,” I am on a roll when a mistake is made.

“He ruined it, I had everything perfect and he just took that from me,” Guy tries to defend himself but he interrupted me.

“I AM NOT DONE TALKING,” I raise my voice and that shook my son out of his mood a little,” I trusted you to be smart and safe but did you trust me enough to sit down and talk to me like a son would. I wasn’t judging you on your anger when your father did what he did to your plans, I was trying to understand what went wrong and you threw that in my face then proceeded to turn on every single member of your family with no regard for the fact that they are trying to help you. Now you two sit down and either talk it out or fight but I swear to god you break anything crystal I will own both your asses, am I understood?”

Both my ex-husband and son nod at the same time and I leave them to their talk or fight, I don’t know which but I hope Neal doesn’t hurt Guy too much if it comes to that. I close the door after me and see my children and husband staring at me like I’m going to explode, I counter with a simple smile and ask an overdue question.

“What did Guy break,” my simple question and my step son is the first to answer.

“His bathroom mirror, I picked up the pieces and took them out to the trash. I didn’t want anyone to get cut,” Mark replies trying to win favor he doesn’t need to.

“Thank you Mark, they might be a while so let’s clean up dinner and try to settle down this evening,” I lead my family back to the finish of our dinner and quietly count, five minutes and no fighting should be enough to let me know it’s safe.

Neal Donnelly

And now I’m face to face with my biggest mistake, not my son, I never should have left him to Loretta. How different would he have turned out? I don’t let myself get distracted by what if when I have my son staring at me like he’s waiting for something… an apology maybe?

“I’m not apologizing for ruining your plan, I did what I thought was going to keep you from getting hurt or worse,” I tell my son who looks like he’s getting angry again,” I am sorry for not talking to you about it first. Guy sometimes obvious way isn’t always the best way for you.”

“I wouldn’t know I haven’t really tried it before,” he tells me and I remember him beating the crap out of a kid.

“And what about the beating you dished out,” I remind him and he shrugs.

“I was put into a position where I could make a statement, that was a statement,” he justifies himself.

“A statement made by beating someone so badly his friends weren’t fully able to render first aid without outside assistance,” I checked up on the kid Romeo,” you hurt him, put his friends on notice but you won’t get a chance like that again.”

“Now? Now you want me to get violent? Now you ‘condone’ violent action,” Guy asks me and I don’t quite have an answer for him.

“I’m trying to find something to put us back together, I screwed up what you had and I didn’t talk to you about it before I did it so that’s on me. Maybe your plan would have worked but it drew too much attention,” I explain and Guy stops his anger like something just came to him.

“Attention, draw attention…,” he says before shaking off whatever idea he had,” No, no no no you don’t get to have a say or ‘help’ me. I can’t trust you.”

“You want to make a statement then,” I ask growing angry,” You want to put some real fear in them? First you look like you’re showing mercy, let them think they’re safe and THEN you hurt them. They don’t feel shock when you tell them its coming, they wait for it.”

“Why mercy, they don’t deserve it,” he asks with a tone sounding like someone spitting.

“Because it’s not about you showing mercy, it’s about them thinking you are putting everything behind you and when they relax you hurt them. You hurt a few of them so bad they can’t do anything but ask for a truce or retaliate,” I explain and he shakes his head.

“And again I’m alone in a fight surrounded by enemies only now I have no weapons to match them,” Guy states and he still won’t try to trust me,” I’m better when I do my own planning, you’re just not cut out for anything garner results.”

I’m mad but it’s about time to show my hand a lot, he didn’t trust me or anyone enough to see his armory now I am going to have to take that risk on him. I don’t like being as forceful with my son as I need to be but grabbing him by the collar and dragging him out of my ex-wife’s TV room and towards the front door.

“Pa what are you doing,” Gwen asks and I hold up my truck keys as I pull my son out the front door.

He’s not fighting me but he’s not exactly interested in going with me either. I pull open the passenger side door for him and let go moving around to the driver side and get in, my son however is staring at me with that all too familiar look of contempt.

“You want to see what I can really do,” I ask starting my truck.

I let Guy barely get in and pull away from the house fast causing the door to slam shut. I’m not driving safe by normal standards, I’m driving safe by military standards when in hostile territory and there is a potential threat of roadside bombs. I watch my son a little out of the corner of my view and while he’s mad I’m making him a little nervous as I pull onto the freeway and proceed to scare every other driver in existence. I pull off the freeway and turn down a side street to an alley before stopping at a small rental garage, the kind that people claim is a rental apartment on Craigslist. My daughter showed me that website and from what I can gather it’s where criminals and serious freaks go to find each other. I pull into the garage/apartment/rental and once the door is down behind us, I fixed its motor and saved fifty bucks in rent; I exit my truck and move in the dark to my stool. I hear my son exit and fumble around trying to figure out where anything is, I give him a minute before flipping on the switch and almost blind him. I set up a decent work bench and have two M-4 Carbines, one heavily modified AR-15 I picked up a month ago, a pump action Mossberg with shoulder stock, two forty-fives, three nine millimeters, and a lone thirty eight revolver. Add to that the two knives I keep on me at all times, the ammunition in boxes and loaded into magazines and the cleaning/maintenance kits and that’s pretty much everything I had shipped down to me from home. Guy is a little surprised but that hasn’t doused his anger any.

“So you kept some of the weapons I took for yourself,” he asks and I want to cuff him upside his head.

“These are mine, I heard what happened to you and after arguing about it with Gwen I came down here to keep an eye out and see who came after you. If they did it again I was going to handle it,” I explain and he laughs.

“You mean you would have actually done something,” Guy asks mocking me.

“I would have done what was needed, I know you don’t understand that I was trying to protect you but I am trying to show you that there can always be another way,” I explain and he stops laughing.

“Everyone who talks about there being another way is usually wrong. The way that works, that has always worked is to cause as much harm and damage to the other side that the next three people who think about coming after you are too scared by what they see to get out of bed,” Guy is angry and vengeful but not as wrong as I’d like him to be.

“And are you trained enough to know what that entails? Have you been to the shittiest places in the world and dealt with people you’d barely classify as human just to put them on a list of names for pieces of shit that need to be wiped off the planet? No, you’ve had it tough but you have no clue what a real war is, neither does that boy Carlos and his little gang of children pretending to be tough adults,” I am angry and questioning his logic,” If something happened to you I would have brought a quick and decisive retribution and that would have been the end of it.”

“No, you would have stepped in and done what I should have been doing myself. You don’t get it, I don’t need you and after what you did I certainly don’t want you to ‘help’ me from here on out,” Guy is angry but keeping it in check,” What did you think I was going to do seeing all this? Be impressed? In awe that you have weapons of your own? The difference between you and me is I had weapons and a plan, you only have weapons and intentions that you’re too scared to act on.”

“Killing people is easy, Guy,” I start and he cuts me off.

“I wouldn’t know, I’ve never tried,” Guy retorts quick and doesn’t regret a word.

“I want to help you but you need to do it the right way,” I start to explain and he laughs at me.

“The right way? Did you actually stand there and try to tell me there is a right way to get justice on people who walk around the law,” Guy asks shocked at my words and not in a positive way if there could be a positive.

“You hit them where they hurt and when it’s smart,” I say it and realize the hole in my argument.

“You mean like burning down their houses and businesses when there is nobody in them so they feel the pain but live through the ordeal,” Guy couldn’t resist taking that shot.

I sit down on my stool, the only place to sit in the room that is occupied mostly by truck, and realize this isn’t a fight or even argument I can win. He is mad, I got in the way but he won’t listen to reason. I haven’t felt this bad in nine years and its all creeping back on me. I take my keys out of my pocket and drop/toss them to Guy’s feet before moving the stool to the work bench and proceed to unroll a cleaning kit.

“Go home,” I tell Guy as I begin disassembling one of the forty-fives.

“What, you’re just quitting and now I have to drive your truck home so you can sit here and play with your toys,” Guy asks and I am so tired I’m not thinking fully.

“You won, go home,” I tell my son and he scoffs a little.

“Won what,” He asks not entirely sure of his victory.

“The fight, the argument, call it whatever you want you won. I’m beat and I’m tired and I don’t want to even try anymore so go home,” I tell my son and don’t hear him moving,” You got what you wanted, you hurt me bad to make up for me hurting you by not being there and ruining your plans.”

“I what, what makes you think that is ever what I wanted to do,” Guy asks and I turn to face him and I think my few tears surprise him.

“Because every time I try you just drive a nail into me and I can’t fight back anymore,” I turn and quickly load a forty-five before holding it out to him,” Here, shoot me.”

“Why the hell would I want to shoot you,” Guy asks backing away from the gun.

“Because you just want to make people hurt and I hurt you worse than anyone else so here, shoot me,” I shove the gun in his hand get down on my knees,” just do it, pull the trigger.”

“From someone who almost has… have you lost your mind,” he asks me and I don’t even want to justify it.

“I’m tired son; I’m tired of feeling like I only ever did half the job of being a dad. I’m tired of always turning around and realizing that the more I try to save someone I end up hurting them. I’m tired of failing my family… failing you. Just pull the trigger, please,” I ask my son who is so angry and confused he places the barrel against my head.

I feel the cool steel on my scalp and wait quietly with my eyes closed, I just want to quit and he deserves to get something back and considering he doesn’t want anything I can give him this is something he can take for himself. We are here in this one moment and I’m ready for it, if I was ever more ready to just lay down and die I honestly don’t remember it and if I did it’d be my mind lying to me. I wait and the barrel slowly moves off of my head and I hear my son step away from me slowly before backing into the front end of the truck and falling to the floor. Now we’re both sitting, I didn’t hear the pistol hit the ground which is good since the triggers are sensitive and it would possibly go off and hit someone other than me.

“You’re strong boy, you have so much going on inside you I’m surprised you don’t explode and you keep moving,” I tell my son waiting for the bullet that won’t come.

“I don’t have a choice, I can’t stop or I feel it,” my son tells me sliding the gun across the concrete floor to me,” I feel hurt all the time. I feel weak and every time I try to step up and make something happen something, anything always seems to step in and prove I can’t get anything back.”

“Why get anything back, it’s harder to walk away from the fight,” I tell my son who shakes his head at my words,” Why not walk away?”

“I’d normally make a comment about you walking away but you were forced out and couldn’t even bring yourself to walk back and face me. You are the only person out there that is actually afraid of what I’m going to do, everyone else stands around and just looks at me like ‘well we can take it, what is the worst he can do’,” my son finally bringing everything out to my level and I understand.

“You want them to be afraid of you,” I ask beginning to understand my son a little more.

“No chance of that now, they’re afraid of Mom now,” Guy says and I wait for the story.

I listen to Guy explain what he was doing out in town with his mother today. I know Loretta is where he gets his temper but she is especially mad if she’s going after people’s homes and using the legal system to do it. I don’t feel as down on myself as he talks and I think about my words earlier and I think about what Guy wanted to do and how it’s fundamentally the same as what his mother is doing in a sense. I do look at my son who has crossed his legs like a kid in school and is sitting on the floor of the workshop/garage leaning against the front of my truck. I don’t know who feels more beaten by this situation, him or me.

“I let my fear dictate my actions when I took those weapons and made sure they went back to the arms dealers… my fear that you’d get killed or be put in jail. I didn’t look at your plans as much as I could have or even think I could speak to you about it,” I tell Guy who I look up to see is looking at me.

“You didn’t think you could speak to me about it or should,” he asks and he’s picking at my words.

“Could, how much have you actually thought about talking to me and trying to work things out between us,” I ask and he leans his head back,” Exactly, I said I’d take care of you and I didn’t so to you that makes me a liar. I never came back to save you before all this and that makes me a horrible father. What could I have possibly said to you that would have led to us working things out together after I found those weapons? What would you have said if I had confronted you without removing them?”

“I would have let you help me,” Guy laughs a little as he answers.

“Help you burn down homes and businesses,” I ask a little shocked at his admission.

“Yeah, had anyone come into it I would have tried to get them to help me. More hands makes lighter work,” I remember Guy’s grandpa telling me that, guess he passed it down,” But you didn’t, instead you just came in and destroyed everything I was working to accomplish.”

“How many innocent people would have been hurt,” I ask my son who scoffs.

“I had it planned so nobody would be there when it happened,” he informs me and I shake my head at his words.

“No I mean how many people would be without a job? How many people would be homeless who never did anything to you? How many would have been hurt by association,” I ask and Guy is thinking a little more,” you would have hurt people who did nothing. How does that balance everything out?”

I don’t know what I said but that stops Guy in his thoughts and for some reason he’s thinking. It’s not a little thought either and we sit in the cold quiet of the workshop/garage while his thoughts run their course till finally he speaks.

“What did you mean show them ‘mercy’,” Guy almost spits out the last word.

Carlos: Monday the Next Week

“I did the math on everything, even if every puts down everything they have,” Romeo is going over what shitty books I’ve been keeping,” and we sell at least half the cars in the next couple days at the low end of the blue book we’ll still be….”

“Stuck and that’s just my parent’s house, we don’t have enough and even if I ask for assistance I don’t know what we’re giving up for it,” I tell my new brains and bookkeeper,” Guy’s family has completely fucked me.”

“Maybe we should finally do something about it,” Hector says joining in on the conversation.

“And what do you propose Hector? Just what can we do to someone who isn’t here and is completely off the list of people you or anyone is allowed to fuck with,” Romeo asks Hector and I think Rome is turning on him a little.

I let my boys argue as I think about what I’m supposed to tell Mom and Dad, yeah I haven’t told them the bad news yet. I have just over a week and there is nothing other than talking to the Old Man and working out some sort of deal and then that only covers us. What do I do about Dutch and Imelda? School day runs on and I’m barely aware of shit that’s happening around me when I’m heading out from lunch and half my crew has made a wall between me and… oh shit that’s Guy.

“Hello,” Guy looks at me and sort of waves like we don’t know each other.

“What the fuck do you want,” Juanita is speaking for my wall of friends.

“Actually I want to talk with Carlos if that’s alright,” Guy is asking to speak with me, what the hell is this.

“After the shit your family is doing you might want to walk before we forget about what happens when someone lays a hand on your white ass,” Juanita is mad but Guy looks odd.

His clothes are more like before all this happened, cargo pants and a grey hoodie but he’s not afraid of us or even confident that he can destroy us. I’m watching when for just a second I see his eye almost flicker.

“Listen if you want to grab my ass just get in make a date and I’ll clear my schedule for you but seriously,” Guy goes from hitting on/pissing off Juanita before looking past her,” I would like to speak with Carlos, please.”

“It’s cool, everyone clear out,” I tell my people who watch Guy like he’s a dead man.

My people clear out and after a moment Guy walks away from the cafeteria and anyone who could be listening. I begin to wonder who missed him showing up at school today but he answers that for me.

“So I’ve been to the bank already,” he says and I feel myself get a little sick,” My Mom took me. We were meeting with a few of the loan people and I took care of things for the most part.”

“So how long do we have,” I ask and he thinks.

“About ten days give or take, when Mom convinced them to refinance under a different bracket they adjusted your mortgage payments but you’re still on the hook to get the money in to them,” Guy explains and I am more than a little confused.

“What the hell are you talking about, your mom is buying our mortgage and kicking us out,” I tell him and my sick is being replaced with anger.

“Actually I changed that, I spoke with my mom and it’s not fair to punish your family and friends for what you did. So I went with my mother to your bank today and she made sure your parent’s mortgage was done at a more reasonable rate. They still want the final payment in a week but it’s a lot less than the thirty grand or so they were looking for,” Guy is explaining it to me and I’m not sure why he’s doing it, or why he did what he’s talking about.

I read the paper, it’s same as the letter Guy’s Mom had sent to my parent’s house but this reads different. I get through the details about ending the second mortgage and the price and I stop as Guy keeps walking.

“This is only fifteen hundred, the other letter said more… a lot more,” I tell him more confused.

“It’s the exact amount needed for the last payment on the second mortgage and after that you can have the initial mortgage refinanced to a lower rate. Well that’s what my mother told me she helped set up for you,” Guy is still explaining this like I actually know what he’s up to.

“Why? Why would you do this,” I ask and Guy finally turns to look at me.

“Because I can, a few things finally occurred to me thanks to a few well placed talks with my family so let me ask you a question and take all your guilt out of it for a few seconds and think. Why did you and your people do everything you did to me over the last three years,” Guy asks me and I think but I can’t really find an answer,” Because you could. You did it because you could do whatever you wanted and you were allowed to get away with it. So now I actually understand you… and I do what I want because I can.”

Guy just smiles at me, kind of a sad smile and turns to walk away. Only problem is he gets about ten feet from where he’s standing when Hector and Romeo show up with everyone I dismissed and they’re making sure Guy has nowhere to go.

“Running away so soon,” Hector asks Guy and I see him get ready to fight.

“Apparently not so let me guess, you figured that since I was here to actually do something to help out your boss,” Guy nods back towards me,” You’d do something to me for showing a little mercy and helping him out when he doesn’t really deserve it. Alright, who’s first?”

Hector starts it, he always does but this time Guy isn’t hiding or trying to defend himself this time. Hector almost drops him in five hits before the rest join in and I realize how horrible this is going to be. I start pulling my people off Guy and I’m yelling to stop them finally shoving Hector off and now my oldest friend and running buddy is looking at me and he realizes just what I’m doing and he looks conflicted.

“Ha ha ha ha ha,” Guy laughs a little and starts coughing,” I told you… they do it because they can.”

I turn around and see Guy trying to stand up but he got worked over pretty good and he’s having trouble and I see blood coming from his mouth, not a lot but it’s enough to make me feel something. I try to help him up but he pushes my hand away and that’s when I get something I didn’t quite expect, Romeo punches Guy in the head while he’s down.

“Take the fucking hand, you’re beat so just take the fucking hand,” Romeo is mad and I remember the beating Guy gave him.

Guy starts laughing in pain again and struggles to get back to his feet before looking at Romeo and he’s waiting for my newest to swing again only Guy doesn’t really have much to defend himself with after this beating. Guy is just waiting before chuckling in Romeo’s face and turning around walks away from me and my crew. I watch him leave and realize I have to speak to the Old Man now. I walk away from my people and get to my car when I’m stopped by my friends who are following me.

“Where you going man, it’s things back to normal,” Hector tells me smiling,” I should have had him run home and get that contract while I was at it.”

“Get away from me, NOW,” I turn and yell at my crew who backs up a few steps in surprise.

“Carlos what? What the fuck happened now,” Juanita asks and I hand my saving grace to Romeo.

He takes a look at it, looks at me surprised and rereads it again. He hands me the paper back and I just look at my people completely disgusted. Hector and the rest don’t get it but Romeo does and he’s waiting for me to drop the bomb.

“I would love to explain to my friends right now that I have to leave to go get in front of the bullet they just put in each and every one of their own fucking heads right now, I really would. You just beat up Guy again after I handed down orders that he was to be left alone. For almost half a year it’s been do not touch him and now after all this,” I wave the paper,” You decide to beat him down… Why? The President of the Union is going to want to know why I’m putting my head on the fucking block for the ten of you so tell me why?”

“He ain’t gonna do shit now, cops fucking did what they did and they got caught so it’s back to normal and after the shit his moms is doing to you,” Hector is leading the charge but I don’t care.

I get in my ride and I’m leaving my people in the dust as I head out of school, looks like it’s a half day for me on my last day. Jim is gonna kill me for this after what Mr. Mulligan put down as the order for Guy. I pull up to the Union tattoo parlor and head inside, the Old Man is there and as soon as he sees me he gets that look on his face. It’s the one that says what happened now. I sit down at in his spare chair and tell him everything. I wish I could say he is surprised but he’s not, he’s known everything that has been happening and an attack was expected by him but he left it to me to control. I tell him that I’m ready to take the fall for my people he shakes his head and it’s only now that I’m worried.

“I’ll talk to Mulligan but you need to get your crew to heel, they lashed out but he’s been taunting them. If it comes down to it I’ll make sure Mulligan knows there will be some sort of ‘price’ that will be paid but this can’t happen again,” the Old Man explains and I don’t understand how or why and he sees that,” Don’t kid, you’ve done really good but get on your shit and if you can’t control your people then we are going to have to make some cutbacks to your workforce.”

I know what he means and I have to accept it, it comes with the deal. I agree and let him get back to work as I head to my parent’s home. Mom is in but Dad is gone and I give her some good news about the mortgage and she smiles when I tell her that Guy’s family helped.

“He is a good boy, he forgives you,” Momma tells me before returning to the kitchen.

I know he hasn’t though, he said it earlier that this wasn’t about forgiveness. He did what he did because he could. I’m in my room when I hear the cars, it’s about a half hour after school is out and I put on a pair of my old baseball gloves and step outside my parent’s home. Hector and my people are there and they don’t look so happy now that Romeo probably told them what Guy did for me today. Hector steps up; he led it so he wants to speak to it.

“We thought he was fucking with you, we didn’t know…,” I let him talk that much before holding a hand up and stopping him.

“It’s alright, I get it. You were trying to have my back like always right,” I ask and he nods, all my people do.

Hector doesn’t see the slap coming but it’s my left and since I’m strong on the right it catches him off guard as he hits my front yard. Everyone gets fucking quiet and it’s about time.

“You gonna stand up,” I ask Hector and he nods like he accepts what I just did as checking him.

I let him get to his feet and now I hit him with the right and the slap knocks him back on his ass and I shake my head at him as he starts to get up.

“You are my people, I brought you in, got you hooked up and made this what it is so remind me,” I point to Juanita,” Who is in charge?”

“You are Carlos,” she mumbles and I hold my hand to my ear,” You are Carlos.”

“I’m in charge? That right? Because when I give an order, whether it comes from me or not that means it should be fucking followed right,” I ask and everyone nods as Hector begins to stand back up.

Another left and he’s back down and getting mad. I know why he’s confused and pissed but I’m making a point and they need to see it. I don’t let Hector get up much, just to his knees so that when I grab his hair and smack him again. Every slap I land on my now stunned and barely able to defend himself friend shocks every member of my crew present and it’s only after a couple minutes that I finally stop and let go of Hector who drops to the ground and tries to figure out what the fuck just happened to him.

“Maybe I didn’t make myself clear. Maybe I thought when I said something people would treat it as second only to scripture. I had stated that nobody was to touch Guy, which especially goes for my people. That’s you,” I point at my crew who is stunned into silence.

“Carlos he isn’t looking so good,” Juanita’s cousin Rolando informs me pointing at Hector.

“Guy just got his ass up after nine of you decided to jump him. Hector can’t get up then leave his ass there,” I get a few confused looks from my crew when I say that,” If he ain’t tough enough to take a beating when he has fucked up the same order more than once then he might want to find someone who can take his ass in and help him provide like I did.”

“Okay boss we get it. We fucked up and tried to have your back and Hector was a major instigator but all of us were there for you. Nobody messes with our people and gets to walk away,” Romeo tells me and this better turn around quick from his mouth or I’m smacking the shit out of him too,” We didn’t know what Guy had done to help you. We just tried to do what we do for each other and have their back.”

“I could beat Guy into a bloody mess myself, wouldn’t need anyone of you to help with that. What you did was figure since a few things like cops getting pulled for stabbing him changed the rules and changed what I said for Guy. He came out and helped me and my family after all the shit we put him through and what does he get for helping me? More shit,” I am tired of explaining myself and it looks like Romeo wants to defend my crew,” Don’t say it Rome. I said NO! I said do NOT touch him. Full court tomorrow at Hector’s house and if you ain’t there don’t let me see you in your colors ever again.”

I head back into my parent’s home and find my Mom is right where I left her in the kitchen making horchata. She smiles and sees my gloves before handing me a glass. She tells me I’m her good boy and that it’s good I have friends like Guy. I don’t have a friend like him and now I probably never will.

Mark Delauter Sr.: About the same time

My stepson comes home bruised and beaten after he went to the school to help the ringleader of the people who have been beating and tormenting him for the past three years and however many months. I don’t care how long it’s been happening he went there with peace on his mind after being emotionally distraught for almost two weeks and they beat him for it. His father, his biological one, is tending to him and they are talking more now than they have in the past month which feels better than the tension but right now I need to handle business. I close my office and sit down to begin some paperwork for my caseload, I could have someone else do it but it gives me something to focus on that isn’t my beaten stepson. I must have been working for a couple hours when my cell phone rings and as soon as I see the number I know who and why they are calling. I pick up the line but don’t answer.

“Hello? Mr. Delauter? I just heard about what happened to your boy and I’m being assured that the situation is being taken care of as we speak,” Mr. Henry Mulligan figured calling me in person would be help the situation.

“Mr. Mulligan you just said the situation was being handled, is that correct? Because when we spoke months ago you told me that it wasn’t being handled that it was handled. I was given assurances that nothing would happen and now it has,” I begin and I can hear him get ready to do something he doesn’t normally do,” I don’t need or want your apology for the situation Mr. Mulligan and frankly neither does my family. Do whatever you like but before all of that I suggest finding some legal counsel because as of Tuesday, that would be tomorrow, my firm and I are dropping you as a client due to a conflict of interest.”

“Hold on there Mr. Delauter, my people dug in and found who hurt your boy. That was part of the agreement. So a couple kids roughed him up and people are now stepping in to send a message so that it doesn’t happen again, I’m doing my part here,” Mulligan explains and I wait for him to finish,” I promise that nobody is coming after your boy again.”

“Didn’t you say something similar to me months ago, that nobody would come near my son period? I don’t remember there being punishments involved if it happened, just your word. Now since you decided to bring it up who found and turned in the weapon that had the three officers charged with the torture and attempted murder of my son,” I ask and he doesn’t like my questions.

“It was a freelance associate of a friend of mine, someone who was able to find the truth to get your boy justice,” He’s trying to be vague, it won’t help.

“So a criminal, one of your criminal friends found a talented criminal and set them out to get the evidence you needed to keep up your end of the deal. Is that an accurate assessment,” I ask and I hear him pause,” Exactly, it was an anonymous tip with evidence by a courier to the detective running the case. I don’t know what you did yourself Mr. Mulligan but I do know what I was assured of and you did not deliver. So now that we’ve got that out of the way good luck with your pending legal issues.”

“Delauter think about this for a moment, it was an isolated thing and it’s being taken care of. People will answer for the attack on your son, this recent one. I have brought you plenty of good business over the years, don’t let your feelings about one incident step in the way of that,” Mulligan is trying to placate me with money, how naïve.

“Mr. Mulligan our business dealings are over, do not come to the office or my home. If you or any of your associates attempt to contact me in any way I will contact the proper authorities to have the situation handled. Have a good day Mr. Mulligan,” I end the call and resume my work.

I get another couple hours of work in before dinner and see Guy a lot better looking than he was when he came home, maybe he’s gotten tougher? The family is a little concerned but Guy waves them off and tries to focus on what he is finding important right now and that is college or a school for the arts, I figure I can help him out a little here and now.

“Have you thought about both,” I ask and get a curious look from my stepson,” Consider what schools have quality instructors for a talented voice like yours and maybe work on one while getting a good degree.”

Guy thinks for a moment and then he starts smiling, not a foreboding smile either. More of a smile that says he likes my idea. Lori is smiling too and that gives me my best feeling of the night. Tuesday morning and I’m all business as I’m cleaning house of all associated Mulligan dealings, I haven’t put in the notice yet but the firm is set to back me at our meeting today before lunch. I’m just getting a head start on the matter. I’m about thirty minutes away from the meeting with the partners when I hear one of the younger lawyers talking outside my office but it’s not his voice I recognize. My office door opens to show me Mr. Mulligan speaking with one of my possibly former employees.

“Mr. Delauter this is Mr. Mulligan, he said he had an appointment to see you,” I don’t think I actually know this one’s name.

“Richards? Ricker? Rogan,” I guess his name and he smirks nervously.

“It’s Rodgers Mr. Delauter,” he informs me and I nod a little.

“Who told you that I had an appointment with this man today,” I ask and he looks behind him.

“He did sir, he said you had contract information you needed to go over,” Rodgers informs me and I shake my head,” Oh, sorry Mr. Delauter. Mr. Mulligan I’m going to have to show you to the conference room till there is a free moment.”

“Boy, turn around walk out of the room and close the door behind you. Men are talking in here,” Mulligan orders Rodgers and I watch as my employee nearly shits his pants and quickly follows his instructions,” So about my legal retainer?”

“Find someone else, we’re in the process of removing your stain from our ledgers,” I tell Mulligan who doesn’t even flinch at the attack on his character.

“Boy got hurt trying to do a good deed and I did give my word that it wouldn’t happen again but it did and I promised that whoever did it would pay for it. That isn’t breaking our deal it’s honoring it even if it’s at cost to me,” the ‘Rancher’ explains and I shake my head.

“It’s not up for debate Mr. Mulligan, we had an agreement and you couldn’t honor it. That deal is now broken and as such I am in the process of doing what I said I would do, ending your time as a client at this firm. The door is right behind you,” I inform once again my position but Mulligan isn’t budging.

“Cops and kids broke your boy, hell sounds like anything now would do it but he’s still kicking and he obviously ain’t weak. Now this last attack, the one someone thought they could get away with? There will be an example made, a bold statement that will ensure that it was the last time anyone will harm that young man,” Mulligan says it but I don’t care for his argument.

“Doesn’t matter what you do now, it matters what you said and what you couldn’t do. Again Mr. Mulligan the door is right there,” I state not moving from my spot leaning on my desk.

“What does he want? Not money or school or shit like that, he can get that from you. I’ve met the kid alright,” I think for a second as to how,” He and a young woman came to my ranch and shit happened there too. I about horsewhipped the hands that played their little joke too but they paid and I didn’t even really know it was him till later. Tell me what he wants that you can’t get and I’ll get it, call it a peace offering.”

“What makes you think he wants something from you he can’t get for himself? He’s a very smart young man,” I state and he nods.

“Maybe but he’s also been the whipping boy for this group for three years and even after he was good to them they screwed with him, I’ll put the hurt on their livelihood and leave them in the wind if that fixes this. Just name the kid’s price,” he offers and I laugh.

“I can’t name what he wants; I’m just barely at the point where he is showing that he sees that he can have a future. Don’t you see how horrible that is? You’re little associates and some police had him knowing, not believing or thinking, knowing that he was going to die horribly and soon. I don’t presume to know what he wants for his future but I’m fairly certain that you can’t give him anything, anything that would have any real value,” I am not nice about Mulligan’s connections but he’s used to it.

“I’ll ask him personally then, he at school right now,” Mulligan asks and now I just find him funny.

“Honestly he’s probably at home after what happened yesterday,” I tell the man as he nods.

“Fine, make you a deal. A new one, we leave it to the boy he takes my offer and you keep me as a client. He turns me down I stop showing up and leave on my own, no meetings needed,” He offers and I think this could be interesting.

We agree and I see Mulligan smile as he leaves my office, I wait just long enough for the door to close before picking up my phone and calling home. I let Rosa know who will be coming by and she reminds me that Guy is meeting with Dr. Hill today, this could be interesting.

Dr. Hill: A little Earlier

Once again at the Delauter estate to meet with Guy Donnelly and hopefully get the information I need to probably have him committed without any real consent from his Mother and Step Father. It is stepping over their heads and taking the situation out of their hands but Guy has become an emotional time bomb and his mental well being is the burning fuse. I have been waiting for a few minutes when Guy comes down a little slow and a bit bruised.

“Guy what happened,” I ask without a proper greeting.

“I tried to do something nice for someone who hasn’t done anything nice towards me and I paid for it,” He says moving to the couch he usually sits at,” Can we both sit
over here please? I don’t like the table and space when you’re over there… it makes me feel like this is a confrontation.”

“I can move but why do you feel like this is a confrontation,” I ask moving to the other end of the couch.

“Because you dig and pick at things I am trying to control,” he’s not wrong about digging but that is my job.

“Guy I’m here to help you move past a great many horrible things that have happened to you and for a while we had trouble, then it moved to some minor break through. From there you were wearing suits,” I note the long sleeved cotton shirt and jeans,” Then you thought everyone betrayed you and now here you are…”

“Here I am bared open as much as I can be,” he says finishing a sentence that I wouldn’t have quite put in that respect,” You want to lock me up.”

“What makes you think that,” I ask suspecting his Father.

“The foyer’s acoustics are really good. When the door to the office is cracked and people are talking loud enough you can hear what they say when you pay attention,” Guy explains it but he’s giving me an earnest look,” I can’t go away.”

“What I’m looking at would be to help you Guy. It would give you a safe and comfortable environment to recover and regain a better semblance of who you are and who you want to be as a whole and feeling adult,” I explain it as best I can but he looks terse at my words before softening.

“You think I don’t feel,” he asks and I must have given it away in my face,” I feel Dr. Hill, that’s the problem. I can’t stop feeling. I feel all the time and it takes so much now just to keep it all in because it wants to get out and that’s when people are going to get hurt.”

“I never thought that you couldn’t feel Guy. My concern was that if you didn’t express your emotions you’d do some lasting damage to your own mental wellbeing. Looking at you now injured and yet able to speak with me I finally would like to believe that I’m seeing the real Guy Donnelly,” I explain my thoughts and reservations to Guy who laughs a little.

“I’ve always been me, just that was me then at those moments and this is me now,” He says it but that wouldn’t be possible.

“To make as many changes to yourself in such a short period is not healthy, only in an extreme circumstance would or could a person change as dramatically as you have as often as I’ve seen you transform yourself,” I explain and Guy smiles.

“I’ve had a pretty extreme set of events that have brought me through to this point,” he is joking but there is truth in his words.

We talk and I get deeper into his psyche than I have in months of work. He allows me to dig and even when he hesitates before answering and I allow him to not answer he doesn’t avoid the question, he confronts it. I speak of his family, his friends which are in short supply and the women he seems to be following or being followed by. Mostly it’s three girls, Jenna who encourages him to be something unique, Emily who appeals to his intelligence and innocence and Sydney who I believe is the only one who has seen every side of him and knows more than he’d care to admit when it comes to him. I change the topic to something easy, associating his emotions with feeling. It sounds ridiculous but it helps gauge where someone is with their emotional state of being. Happiness in Guy is, in his own words, a little confusing but in a good way like a surprise party. His familial love, he doesn’t think he is in love any other way at this time, is more like a warm blanket. I cover the whole range and figure I’ll get to the easiest one in the end.

“Last one for the day then we’ll call this session,” I tell Guy who nods ready to think on his feelings,” How does your anger feel? When you are truly mad with someone such as the gang members who hurt you how did it make you feel when you became angry.”

I see him close his eyes for the first time and shudder slightly before stretching his neck and after taking a deep breath he opens his eyes and answers me.

“Cold and dark… I feel like I’m trapped in a cave full of ice and there is no light and no way out. When I feel angry I can’t feel the other things either, I don’t feel alone there either. Like I’m not alone in the dark but…. but there is no light so all I can do is wait and listen,” Guy explains and not a single other emotion was mentioned as cold or even had a light expressed in the effect.

“It’s unusual to feel that way Guy,” I explain and he looks to me concerned,” Not commit you to a hospital unusual. Most when they feel angry, truly angry they feel hot. It’s certainly different and I’d love to get a physiological reading on you when you feel like this.”

“So does that mean you’re going to try to put me in the crazy house,” Guy asks and I think for a moment.

“I’d still like to believe that it would be best but today has me finding a need to reevaluate your condition. Today we were able to really reach areas you avoided or hid. You never expressed a confrontational mentality to the session or gave me your attempts at charm and subterfuge as you have in the past,” I explain and he smiles.

“That wasn’t subterfuge, I was actually ignoring some of my feelings and telling myself to respond to you,” Guy explains but it almost feels like a ploy.

“Regardless this Guy,” I gesture at him with my hand,” This is one that I have been waiting to speak with. You’re not running away from the hard things and you were actually expressing yourself to me.”

We end the session and Guy is eager to make his next appointment with me and an after school appointment the following week and I make sure I have a spot open for him before stepping out of the sitting room and in to the foyer. We’re both talking and his mother smiles seeing us in a better place when I see a man I don’t recognize and he gives me pause. A large man with a brown cowboy hat in his hands and a sports jacket over a flannel shirt and jeans with cowboy boots, more his expression gives me pause as he shows a very calm demeanor while he’s picking out everything he can of his target who happens to be my patient. Guy sees him and recognizes him and I watch him shudder again and now I have a baseline for his anger before he takes a breath and says goodbye to me with a smile. I almost hang around long enough to hear the topic of discussion but I have other places to be and a reevaluation to work over before next week.

Henry Mulligan: Right now

“How you holding up boy,” I ask as we are in some living room without a TV.

“I’m bruised but I’m not down,” he tells me and where I saw a small limp earlier I don’t see it now as he puts space between us,” What do you want?”

“I need your help son,” I say the word and he turns on me quick.

“I don’t have that much experience working a ranch nor would I want to work a ranch where your practical jokes destroy my personal property,” Guy remembers the joke my hands played on him.

“I took care of that and apologized on behalf of my people,” I explain and he tilts his head to the side almost questioning me on it.

“And what good did that do? Did you actually feel bad that it was done or was the bad feeling because I didn’t think someone taking it out of me was fun,” the boy asks and I know he’s playing a word game.

“Listen kid, something happened to you and we all thought it was funny but we were trying to laugh with you. When you didn’t find it funny I put the kibosh on it and apologized. Not much I can do about how you feel after that and you weren’t in a mood to accept the apology but I am sorry my employees did not respect you enough to keep from having fun at your expense,” I use my vocabulary a bit but he’s not impressed.

“Why are you here? What is it that really brought you here because I’m pretty sure that it doesn’t have anything to do with you apologizing for something that you couldn’t have cared less about under normal circumstances,” the boy tells me and I groan and sit down.

“You’ve had a lot of shit happen to you and it turns out some of those people are associates of mine in the fact that they’ve helped out more than a few of my businesses, Dutch’s Garage one of them, and while they’ve helped me they have done so in a way that is costing me the best legal team I’ve ever had,” I explain and he isn’t understanding,” Your Step Father is canceling his firms services to me over what happened to you.”

“Alright, well I guess that’s between you and him because it’s your business and not mine,” Guy states and I chuckle.

“Yeah well I kind of put myself in a situation that makes it your business. See I couldn’t get him to agree to keep me on when I offered to get you what you wanted that he couldn’t. You are going to college and could buy or have anything you want bought but I can give you things that he can’t or won’t. He agreed that if you say so then he’ll allow me to keep him as my lawyer,” I explain and he doesn’t believe me,” So you tell me what you want, if it’s in my power or means, and it’s yours.”

“So I say I want your daughter,” I don’t even flinch.

“Then she’s marrying a smart man who has money, I’m telling you kid I got reach. Say the word and I’ll make it happen,” I offer but he’s got no reason to believe me,” I’m telling you say the word and that boy Hector or his boss Carlos become missing persons.”

I see it even though he’s hiding it, he’s interested but it was only when I offered to remove some of Jim’s hired hands. I can do it too and if it keeps his Step Father working for me and not against me then I’m good with pretty much whatever the kid wants. Only problem is the kid isn’t saying anything, he isn’t even really reacting to my offer and I wonder how fast I am going to need to get a new lawyer.

“Okay I’ll tell him to keep you as a client,” He offers and I wait for it,” What?”

“What do you want, I did make the offer,” I ask and then he smiles, I thought him being grumpy about his clothes was bad.

“I don’t know…yet. So let’s just say that when I call I’m expecting Heaven and Earth to move. Or I don’t make the call,” the boy pulls out his phone and I am seriously going to have a talk with Jim about his people underestimating this kid.

I agree, I have to really considering they’re handling three of my land grants and one of those is legal or will be used for a legal purpose at least. I watch him make the call and reaffirm that he wasn’t threatened and that he did actually take me up on my offer but I am going to have to wait to see what the hell the kid wants. I leave and say goodbye to the boy’s mom and Sister Gwen, her I remember, and head in to speak with Jim. He’s not at the tattoo parlor and I find him holding court at one of his hangars with what looks like all of his little helpers. I walk up after my driver parks outside and as soon as I’m seen a few people get really nervous.

“Mr. Mulligan I said yesterday my people are being taken care of,” Jim says as I walk past the minor leader Carlos and what looks like a freshly asskicked loudmouth sidekick.

“Jesus what the fuck beat the hell into you boy,” I ask the boy, it’s something that begins with an H I swear.

“I didn’t listen and had to be an example for others,” I think that’s what he said but he was mumbling or his mouth wasn’t working right.

“Y’all learn that lesson yet,” I ask and I see nodding,” Good, show and tell kids.”

I have a tablet, yes I have one and no it’s not stolen, my driver today brought it down and it is what I would have threatened them with but now it’s just something for show and tell. And also a glimpse into the future.

“Anyone here get into trouble and when you spoke with Carlos he said he’d take care of it,” I ask and a few nod,” Then all of a sudden a lawyer came out of the back and you didn’t have shit to worry about? That is the shit that I handle being the man in charge. You run the streets of a neighborhood but you do so in my city. Now to clarify this is what awaits the next person that goes against what Carlos says. My words come through Jim and from Jim they go to Carlos so he can make sure you understand the rules for running the streets in my city.”

I have my driver hold up the tablet and play the video and almost immediately the kids don’t know what they’re watching because it’s something I had shot years earlier when I had a problem with someone moving in on the north and trying to set up a small protection business. I give the kids a minute of watching the man beg and plead while he’s tied to the post before I hear it and the screaming coming out of tablet is enough for me to get them to register the scene before I speak.

“Now kids those are special, grew them myself but they were a gift from a friend way south of the border. They don’t know what the man is in the pen for… hell they don’t rightly care. What they care about is that they’re hungry and he’s covered in honey and I think raisins,” I look at the screen,” Yeah I think those are raisins.”

“What the fuck,” one of the young men asks and I smile.

“Indeed what the fuck, see that is what happens when you fuck with my city. That is what happens when you fuck with my rules. Now that legal aid some of you have been granted as a favor from me for good work almost went away today because someone,” I look at the H named boy,” Decided to do something and I don’t care about the justification of who did what to whom. What I care about is providing for all my employees and make no mistake kids you work for me so when someone crosses you and you can’t handle it then it moves up the chain and well…. Pig food is an option.”

“So this is what we do to people who break your rules,” one asks and I chuckle.

“This is what I do to people who don’t respect my rules. Now am I going to have to say another word about this Donnelly boy or am I being perfectly clear when I say that he is protected by me and that means by you,” I ask and I see a lot of nodding heads,” Good, now go but Carlos you stay and keep that boy here too.”

I let the kids leave and say hello officially to Jim who is having a bit of a laugh at my video. I wait for most of the young hands to clear out before addressing the two remaining.

“Someone get a first aid kid or something for the kid, seriously he looks like hell,” I tell the Union boys who after a nod from Jim one comes over to help him out,” You do that?”

“Yes sir, he brought it to Guy so I had to make an example. I had my whole crew meet up this before this and got shit settled as to who they listen to,” Carlos explains and I don’t need an explanation.

“Good, and did the message stick,” I ask ‘H’, cannot remember his name.

“Yeah, I’ll leave the asshole alone,” he says the word and now I am drawn to questions.

“He apparently has a contract for a porn shoot with Hector’s girlfriend,” Carlos says it and I don’t know why I didn’t remember the name Hector… wait did he say porn.

“How the fuck did that kid rope her into porn? Hell when did he get a porn business? Did I miss something,” I ask and looking at Jim he just chuckles.

“I figure the kid set it up to get under their skin, as I said Henry,” only Jim gets to call me by my name,” I get keeping the boy safe for business but he was prodding them into a fight, that’s why instead of dragging a few of them out to the desert I was letting it slide.”

“Fair enough but this stops,” I state it without threat,” Kid stays out of shit after fixing it up so his Daddy will keep my businesses under their legal aid.”

The boys get him checked and I let the two kids leave so it’s just Jim and me with the Union boys. Jim and I talk a bit and I explain how I got shit under control, I don’t let many things get me under their thumb in a situation but this is one I had no choice and Jim is a bit skeptical. If it was someone else I’d think they were sizing me up for weakness.

“You sure giving this kid is an open ended promise is a good idea,” Jim asks and I shake my head.

“Not in the slightest, this kid is seriously dangerous and someone is going to get hurt soon,” I tell Jim who nods.

Juanita: Thursday

Whole crew is chilled the fuck out and having a good time at Carlos’s house and where am I… walking through the park waiting for Romeo. Okay first he’s nice and doesn’t treat me like ‘one of the guys’. Next he’s smart and has a future outside of the crew. Third he listens when I tell him what to do. I say I want you to eat my pussy then he’s happy to do it. I’m not a bitch about it; it’s just nice to have a man who will. We’re chilled and he’s being sweet which is nice, it’s funny when he tries to be hard and he tries a lot around the rest of the crew. I’m waiting in my clothes, I’ll dress pretty when he takes me somewhere nice, when I get bumped by someone really needs to learn to watch where they’re going.

“Hey fucker, open your eyes,” I tell the homeless looking person in the hood.

They were walking away but now I’m looking at the back and when they stick the right hand up and flip me off I’m about to beat some homeless ass, don’t judge. I go to grab the homeless shit and they run which means I better run after them. This homeless ass is fast and I’m not a runner but they ain’t getting away and after short run they run into the public bathroom. One way in and one way out and I’m pissed and heading after them. It’s got stalls and urinals so it’s the men’s room but I don’t see the homeless shit but the stall doors are closed. I set up and kick the first door open… nothing. I kick the second door and still nothing. Get myself ready to kick the third door and realize I’m fucked. The door I came in just now closed and the homeless asshole is between me and the door. I watch the hood go back and there is a mask covering the mouth its black with animal teeth painted on, the eyes are covered by wrap around glasses and the hair is kept in a tight ski mask.

“Back off puto,” I warn but they move and I’m ready for a fight.

I get one swing as the fucker ducks me and I feel pain all through my body before hitting the floor of the bathroom. I barely make out the crackling of the stun gun before the homeless/monster/psycho shocks the shit out of me again. It hurts and I can hardly move as I’m shocked over and over. Finally they stop and I’m pulled across the floor and when I feel metal on my wrists I try to struggle but it’s too late. I’m handcuffed to the urinal and now the fucker is watching me.

“Chicken shit mother fucker can’t even fight like a man,” I spit and they laugh.

It’s not like a man or a woman laughing, it’s like something laughing that has completely died but doesn’t care. A hollow laugh. When it stops I see the knife and try kicking at the homeless asshole only to get my head slammed against the wall. I’m not feeling well as the creeps hands are on me and I think it found what it wanted and see my phone. I don’t know what they’re doing but they are using my phone for it and then I figure it out, I’m being recorded.

“Fuck you puta, you a fucking sick ass fucking coward and my friends are gonna carve you up like a chicken,” I yell at the camera holding sicko.

They pause, like I said something they didn’t agree with then it rushes me and the knife rips open my top and bra showing off my chest. I try to cover up and keep my cool but I’m gonna die and I start crying while the psycho records it with my phone. I don’t know how long it is before I calm down but the psycho is still there and when they grab me I try to curl up but he fucked me up with that stun gun good, they pulls my head back and shoves something in my mouth. Its cloth and it’s nasty but it’s deep in my mouth and then I hear tape before I feel it wrapping around my head. I can’t spit the cloth out of my mouth, its taped shut, but I can breathe and I try to look around a little and see the psycho playing with my phone before pulling out the stun gun and shocking me again.

I begin to wake up and this rag tastes fucking nasty but the psycho isn’t there and I am still cuffed to the urinal. I pull a little, try to work around but these are metal cuffs and I’m not going anywhere when I hear my name.

“Juanita,” it’s called out and I know Rolando’s voice.

I scream, I’m gagged but I scream and kick and make noise and there is my cousin. His two hundred pound weight lifting body sees me in his gang clothes and comes running to my side.

“Juanie, what happened? What happened to you,” he asks trying to pull my hands free and that is when it all goes bad.

Rolando straightens up to check my wrists and I see the stall behind him open slowly and there’s the psycho. I scream but it’s too late as a fist hits Rolando in the side of the head and I watch my cousin hit the bathroom floor. Rolando is hurt but the psycho isn’t on him, he locks the door to the bathroom first and then like an animal he is beating on Rolando. My cousin could fight back but I see a chain wrapped all the way around the fist of the psycho. He punches my cousin, kicks him, at one point stands him up and slams his head into the wall then moves his head to a stall door and slams it in the door. I’m screaming, crying and begging with a gag in my mouth for my cousin’s life and finally the psycho stops and looks like they’re tired. The homeless psycho turns to me and is looking at me behind those glasses, the ones that don’t let me see the eyes and slowly begins to pull off the mask. I’m scared and start to close my eyes, I can’t look, and with a quickness I haven’t seen yet it’s all over Rolando. There is a little fight left in Rolando as they wrestle before I hear my cousin scream. Pain and fear are coming out of both our mouths as my cousin screams as the psycho holds him down doing what I can’t see. I shake as Rolando’s body goes limp and the psycho stands up slowly before turning around towards me. Blood, there is so much blood on the mouth I can’t see anything of the face under the mask. Is this real? Is this a nightmare? The psycho grabs my head again and pulls the tape off my mouth; I get the chance and spit the rag out only to have my head pulled back and my mouth forced open. He could rape me; I think that for a second before I taste it. I see the psycho’s mouth open and blood drain out of it… into my mouth! I choke and gag and try to get Rolando’s blood out of my mouth. He bit Rolando to death and made me drink it… I start to cry as I feel my hands free. All I can do is scramble to my cousin and try to cover him with my body, he moans. He’s alive. The psycho has its mask back on but I can’t fight back, I’m shaking so hard it’s waking up my cousin. I watch the psycho leave and now I’m crying.

Carlos: Two hours later

My crew is outside the clinic that Jim has for the Union just down the street from his tattoo shop and we’re all waiting to find out what the fuck happened. We all got the message on our phones but Romeo was first one there since he had a date with Juanita. Rome was smart too, he didn’t call the cops he called Hector and me and we got the crew together to get them out quietly and to the Union so we could figure out how bad it is. I saw the blood on the ground, it wasn’t good. Usually Juanita has something big to say when I ask her how she is after something goes down but this time she just shook a little as we drove to the clinic. Jim has a few of his boys there and Smitty as well but most everyone else is outside except for Jim, Romeo and me. The doctor comes out and for a slightly older Asian man he looks tired.

“She is going to be fine physically. I gave her something for her nausea and a sedative to help her sleep but she has been through a lot,” the doctor looks at Jim with, I don’t know, disgust.

“We just found her, this isn’t something I’d do and you know that,” Jim says it and the doctor barely accepts the response.

“What about Ro,” I ask and the doctor nods.

“That is going to be a tough one; the people who did this were savage in their attack. He’s got a major concussion, damaged orbital socket and a separated jaw to start off. Then the four broken ribs and what looks to be kidney bruising. Rounding it all out is the separated shoulder and the bite wound,” I hear everything but even Jim has to ask.

“Wait a minute, they bit him,” Jim asks and the doctor nods.

“I’ve never seen a bit like it before, see a human’s teeth and jaw aren’t meant for the level of force that was delivered. The bite itself was mostly superficial but the force caused bruising to the collar bone and…,” the doctor stops and shakes his head,” I should call the police.”

“No doc, we brought them here because you are the best at what you do and we all respect your work. This was an attack and we’ll handle our business just like we’ve handled yours,” Jim knows something about the doctor but I don’t ask.

“What was it about the bite,” Romeo asks and the doctor thinks about it.

“Honestly the force of it and the pure brutality in the injuries it’s almost like he was attacked by a pack of animals. I have him resting comfortably but he’ll be on pain medication and bed rest for a month,” we listen to the doctor and step out of his clinic.

I let everyone know that Rolando and Juanita are going to be okay mostly and they all want action. I notice Romeo isn’t out with us, probably with his girl inside watching her sleep. I send everyone out but Hector is hanging back, here we go.

“We need to talk to Guy,” he says it and its less violent than he usually goes.

“Why, explain to me why we need to talk to Guy,” I ask and I’m getting that slap a bro feeling.

“Because we need to calm shit down and I’d like that contract for Lupe. I wanna ask but I’m asking you to help ask for me,” Hector asks me and I almost call him on his shit,” You know he’s never going to let me close. You have a chance to at least help me settle this.”

“So you get the contract back then what? Back to business as usual,” I ask and he knows I’m not being nice about it.

“No, just business. We do the job, we watch our hood and we keep shit locked down. I stay away from Guy and anyone who is related to him and call it a truce,” Hector knows more words than I thought and he’s got the right idea.

I agree, talking to Guy would be best. Not for him but to put us all on the same page and actually try to settle things. Romeo comes out of the clinic and he looks beat up on the inside.

“You gonna be alright homes,” Hector asks and Rome shakes his head no,” They okay?”

“Yeah, she woke up a little. We talked and she was happy I was there but Carlos,” Rome turns to me,” She’s scared man. I don’t mean a little bit like Jim and the Union. She thinks something is going to come in the night and kill her and Rolando.”

“It was a couple of people who did this. We wait and we watch and when they move we take them down and let Jim and his people handle the clean up,” I explain but Romeo shakes his head.

“Not people, just one thing,” Romeo says it, Hector and I look at each other then back at him.

“One person did this,” Hector asks and Rome shakes his head no again.

“No… she didn’t say a person. This is something else man, I took a look and Rolando is messed up bad. He’s never going to be the same and she’s probably never going to sleep at night for a while. She said it laughed and when it laughed,” Romeo stops and I ask.

“What about it laughing,” I ask and he sighs.

“She said it didn’t sound like it had a soul. Like something came out of the dark just to do this,” Romeo says and I see a chill go up Hector’s spine.

Beth: That night/Early Morning

Almost the weekend and I wake up because when the squad wants to go out drinking coffee a day before the weekend the squad goes drinking coffee a day before the weekend. I got in late and just changed into a school t shirt and panties so I could get some sleep before school. It’s funny though, coffee to keep me awake so I can have fun and coffee to wake me up after I’ve had fun. Worst part is when you wake up because the caffeine is making you hear things… no wait that’s actually something in the house. We have a burglar? Home invader? Mark sneak a girl in from school? I am pretty quiet when I want to be so I sneak out of my room and listen… its sounds like someone is whispering something. I look over the edge of the wood rail that keeps us from falling from second floor to the first and see Guy standing in the middle of the foyer in cotton pants and no shirt. And he’s mumbling something to himself. Since it’s not a home invader or in Mark’s case a ho invader, I’m funny deal with it, I make my way down stairs and I can hear him a little better now.

“Sum, sentio carnem et sanguinem. Ego capiam, et calor caeli. Ego sentire esurientem,” I hear it but I didn’t know Guy spoke Spanish.

“Guy… are you okay,” I ask and he freezes.

He’s just standing in the middle of the foyer with his back to me and slowly turns his head to look at me. I’m scared, not like he’s gonna hurt me but like something is really wrong with him and I’m standing less than five feet from him in my panties. Big girl time.

“Guy, you need to go to bed. Mom is worried already, this won’t help,” I tell him and I think he hears me, I am whispering.

“Hunger,” my brother tells me and I nod.

“Yeah, you’re hungry but breakfast will be in the morning… you know when the sun is up,” I tell him and take his hand to lead him back upstairs.

Okay now I’m leading my hot step brother upstairs when he’s been sleepwalking and talking to himself in his sleep. I swear I’m not going to talk about this at school, half the school thinks Guy just dropped off the planet since now they saw Carlos and his gang have proven they can get away with anything. I mean cops? Really? The police pick Guy out of everyone to fuck with when he was the most boring high schooler ever? It’s bullshit honestly but I’m hoping to get him to step out of the house a little more and go back to school. Hell he should get in Carlos’s face and tell him to suck his dick. Okay that’s a little OTT but seriously Guy should do something. I stop at my room and Guy is just standing there looking like a scarred hard body with nothing to do. Okay step brother is hot but boyfriend is hotter… maybe? No Brett is hot and Guy needs to go to bed so this isn’t weird.

“Guy, go to bed,” I whisper and point to his room.

“Hunger…,” Guy tells me again and he must really be out of it.

“In the morning, go to bed,” I whisper again and then I feel it, he never let my hand go,” Guy we need to get some sleep.”

I try to pull my hand out of Guy’s but he isn’t letting go. It’s a tug of war that has me backing up and him following me into my room. We’re in when he finally let’s go of my hand but now the door is behind him and he closes it with a light shove and hasn’t taken his eyes off of me. This is how a rabbit feels when a snake is staring at it right? I want to run, I want to say something but I can’t. He’s just staring at me and finally when he moves he’s so close can smell him, why does he smell so good?

“Hunger,” Guy says it again and now I know what he’s hungry for.

“Guy no, I love Brett and he’s been nice to you… okay not always but he’s my boyfriend and I can’t,” I am trying to plead my case as daddy used to say when Guy growls, I think I’m sweating,” Guy it’s not that you’re not hot or anything… because you are. We just can’t… really… please?”

I’m in his arms and he’s kissing my neck and I swear I am so turned on right now I could screw him and Brett and if Brett didn’t like it then Brett can fucking walk. Guy doesn’t bite but I feel his teeth on my neck, he doesn’t squeeze me but his hands are leaving prints as he grips my ass. I’m forced, somewhat, onto my bed and Guy is grinding his body against me and pulling at my shirt before I have to yank it off over my head to keep him from tearing it. Soon as my shirt is off his mouth is on my nipple and he’s so rough, completely not Brett, that I wrap my fingers up with his hair and just hold on. More teeth and Guy’s fingers are playing with my panties right around where my legs meet, you know the spot, and I feel that I’m getting wetter as he keeps playing with my panties and now do I really want to let him take them off. I try to figure out the answer as I feel him pull them aside and I don’t know where his pajama pants went but something is poking me in a very ‘tender’ spot and I can’t even put up a fight before I feel Guy’s penis push all the way inside me. God I must be wet and Guy must be big because I feel full, more than usual and somehow Guy is all the way inside me. He doesn’t kiss me, somehow I don’t mind that but when he starts moving it’s not slow or fluid. He just slams himself inside me again and again and it feels so raw and I remember there are no condoms. I always make Brett wear a condom, I think I should stop Guy and make him get one but with his body pressed against me and his penis filling me like an animal I don’t think I’ll get him off of my body. He’s very warm to the touch and I put my hands on his back to hold him, his head is right next to mine and I hear him grunt with each push inside me. Everything feels so unreal when his hips, I think that part right above his penis rubs against my clit and I push into my step brother hard making the feeling even more intense. Now we’re both fucking each other and that’s why this feels so different, Brett is all love making and sweet and we kiss its magic most of the time. Guy is taking my lady parts to the ring for a pounding, god I hate Natalie and her sex talk. Guy is grunting harder and I think he might be getting close when a little part of my brain kicks in.

“Guy, you need to pull out,” I breathe in his ear and he slows down.

He pulls himself off of me and I move up the bed a little letting him drop out of me and fuck he’s big, not Brandon big, we’ve all been shown pictures but he’s bigger than Brett. I almost want to pull him back down and finish the job but my brain kicks in and I know a good way to finish him. I try to sit up and move my head down to Guy’s penis, damn it’s big, but I’m pulled over onto my stomach and then up and back as his hands grab my hips and his penis slams back into me. I’d like to move but Guy is holding me so tight I struggle to keep him from burying my face into the mattress. I’m full and being pounded hard when one of Guy’s hands lets go of my hips and then pain as my head is pulled back hard by the hair. Worst part is I am hot and wet and he’s fucking me better than anything I’ve ever had. This is the hot porn style fucking that Nat and Emily keep telling us we all need to get before college and I want to cum so bad when I feel him actually get hard and a little bigger maybe? Oh shit, he’s gonna cum. I try to say something but it comes out a drooling moan and when Guy comes he just slams himself inside me and I feel a hot flooding filling what little space I have left. More is pumped inside me and I hold my breath it’s so intense and finally when I breathe I nearly rip hair out of my head as Guy hasn’t let me go. I can feel him breathing and he’s getting a little soft when I’m almost painfully yanked into Guy so my back is against his chest. I don’t know what I did but he has let my hair go in favor of my throat but he’s not choking me as I feel his breath on my neck. We’re just sitting with him getting more limp and I’m still wondering how I don’t even remember having an orgasm but I know I did. I have to think, we can’t stay like this because I know at least one family member will kill me over this.

“Guy… its okay,” I tell him and he tightens his grip on my throat,” You are really good Guy, that was so amazing.”

I’m not lying to him, it was fucking intense and when I relax he finally lets me go and I collapse onto my bed and I lay there trying to think about what to do next. Guy doesn’t lay down with me but I hear him moving and feel him get off my bed. I look a little and see him pacing while watching me lay on my blankets and after little bit he quietly steps out of the room and I don’t jump up to lock the door, I get up quick to clean because my bed is a mess. I have to open the window to let some of the sex and sweat smell out too, it’s that bad. Or is that good? I’m really confused.

Guy… Sort of

I feel alive again. before with the suits I felt good… confident… driven but now I am powerful. I will hurt them, I will teach them that in the dark I live and breathe. I know how to get inside Carlos’s head, Father was right. Show them mercy, show them you can be the better man… then show them you are not better. I am ready and I am hungry.

i can’t believe you did this.

i wasn’t trying; I was trying to get you to take over a little.

we need to go, just leave.

YOU WILL NOT LEAVE.

we didn’t mean to bring you.

I AM HERE, I LIKE THIS… I AM FREE.

you aren’t supposed to be here.

I HAVE MISSED THIS… FEELING.

what feeling?

ALL OF IT, I WANT BLOOD AND FLESH. HE MADE THEM SCREAM, I MADE HIM MAKE THEM SCREAM.

you need to be careful, he can break and then…

HE WILL HURT THEM, THEIR LEADER. HE WILL HURT HIM. I WILL CARVE HIS NAME ON HIS SKULL.

you need to think about your actions, he gets caught or hurt…

DO NOT SPEAK TO YOUR BETTER. YOU ARE LESS, YOU ARE WEAK. YOU FAILED HIM OVER AND OVER WITH PLANS AND PLOTS. YOU DENIED HIM HIS PURE
NATURE. MY TIME HAS COME AND I WILL BATHE HIM IN THEIR PAIN, THEIR SORROW AND THEY WILL REMEMBER ME.

him… they will remember him?

He’s gone. You really fucked up this time.

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