This is my first story on here, so be kind, please comment, will take criticism. This is a true story.. wish I could forget about it but maybe I was ment to share this. The names have been changed for confidentiality.

A little backround. Hi my name is Marissa. I am 23 now. I just turned 18 when at the time and was seeing this guy named Derik for about a year when this happened. Derik was 29. We started out as friends with benefits but I soon fell inlove with him. He was my everything, didn’t matter what he did, I loved him anyways.. I had only been with one other man besides him and had oral with one guy while on vacation in Florida. So he was my only serious lover.. My first Love….

Lil bout him.. he is that bad boy image, tall dark haired, native american and german, very handsome, looks bout 24. 5’10” 175-190lbs, average build, black hair,honey brown eyes, tattoos, piercings. Likes to drink and do all sorts of drugs.
Lil bout me… I’m 5’6” blonde hair, hazel eyes, thicker build, nice 40dd’s one tattoo.. been a “good girl” my whole life, the girl next door, the one overlooked.. until I met him…

I was in college at the time, The university of Minnesota, Twin Cities. My major, Biomedical Engineering. ( yes I was a nerd). I hated livin in the dorm. I didn’t fit in with my my roomates, I wasn’t a skinny bitch and I didn’t come from a rich family, so I was exiled. Maybe if I had been friends with them, this wouldn’t have happened. Oh well, life goes on.
It happened on a cold winter night, I was living with Derik in his small studio apartment in St. Paul. Our weekends consisted of watchin movies and getting drunk, this seemed normal to me because my parents are both alcoholics and Derik was addicted to anything that could get you fucked up.. I don’t remember what we were watching, I do remember drinkin Blue Raspberry UV vodka and sprite, and he was drinkin some disgusting beer.
I was sittin on our makeshift bed ( a futon with a queen size mattress on it) and I was feelin pretty drunk.. and horny.. I crawled up to the recliner that Derik was sittin on, obsorbed in whatever he was watching, drinkin his red dog beer. I sat there kneelin infront of him and looked up with what I thought to be big doe eyes and asked
“hey baby,, wanna have some fun? “ I rubbed his thighs while lookin at him..
He looked away from his show, “Not now,, I’m busy Marissa”. I would have been disapointed and normally I would have retreated to the bed shot down and that would have been the end of it,, but I pushed on.
“Please babe,, I need u… I want you so bad… its been a while”.. I was unbuttoning his jeans as I said this.. he did not say no.. so I figured what the hell.
“Cant you see I’m watching a movie.. Damn…..”
“I can blow you while u watch ur movie.. I don’t care… “
“Fine, blow me bitch… don’t make me spill my beer… or I’ll be pissed”… I should have known something was not right, he never called me names or was really mean to me… but I initiated it.. so I continued.. I pulled his zipper down and pulled his 6” dick out of his boxers and slowly started to lick it and run my lips down the length of his shaft, feelin him slowly get thicker and harder. As I started to suck on the head I looked up to his face and he was engrossed in the movie he was watching… like I wasn’t even there… seriously how rude…
“baby are you even enjoying this? Do u want me to stop?” I looked at him feelin dejected because I couldn’t capture his attention.. I thought I wasn’t doing something right or something.
“your fine,, keep suckin”. With that u started to take more and more into my mouth, suckin harder and faster. I would swirl my tongue around the head and go back down farther.. then I’d come back up and do it again.. until I could press my lips to the base of his cock.. deep throating his whole shaft.
I kept suckin and lickin his stick until I hear him yelling at me. “fuckin suck that cock you filthy slut… Oh yeah that’s right you dirty whore.. take it all bitch..” now… he has never talked dirty to me before and has NEVER called me a slut or whore.. I knew this wasn’t right… so I continued until he came… he grabbed my head and forced me to stay while he came down my throat.. which I had to option but to swallow.. I smiled.. thinkin I had made him happy.. I looked up to find him frowning and all he said was “ I need another fuckin beer..” I went to kiss him and he wouldn’t let me… I frowned and got up, got him a beer and went to lay in bed.
I dozed off but slept lightly, since he had the tv blaring with no thought of respect to me… about 2 hours later I felt him climb into bed.. and I hoped he was in a better mood that before… I snuggled up close to him.. pretendin to be fully asleep and slid my hands across his body… I continued to caress his body and “in my sleep” whispered that I loved him.. I would run my hand across his member and feel it twitch in response which would make me bolder and I started to stroke him alil harder… he just grunted in response… so I figured he was sleeping. I kissed his shoulder and dared to open my eyes to look at him and found him staring at me… with a blank look on his face..
He rolled onto his side facing me and grabbed my breast, gently.. and thought “oh god thank you.. “ finally a positive response.. he slowly brought his hand lower till he was rubbing my thigh and his hand found my satin covered mound, wet with excitement and I squirmed slightly to his touch. He kissed me.. roughly, our tongues tangled in the dance we both knew well.. he then started to kiss me harder and it threw me off guard as he suddenly ripped my underwear.. “wow he must really be turned on from the blow job” I thought to myself..
He ran his fingers thru my slit and slowly dipped one finger into my wet hole and asked “is this what you want Marissa?” I looked up into his eyes and saw they were burnin with lust and something darker, almost evil. All I could say was “yes” and nod my head, almost shakin with anticipation.. He then plunged one finger deep inside my tight hole and my back arched. Then another finger , he was going slow and gentle.. which I liked. He then kissed up my stomach and my breast. He found one of my hard nipples and then bit down hard. I hissed out my exhale as it actually hurt. He then added another finger and started to twist his hand and I knew what was coming.. he was going to try to fist me..(we had tried it before but he could never get more than 4 fingers in before it became painful.. he always stopped when it caused me pain)..
“Baby what are you doing?”
“just lay back and enjoy it you lil slut.. this is what you wanted isnt it?” There was a bite to his tone that I had never heard before, almost angry… as he said this he worked more and more into my hole.. going harder and alil faster. He then took his fingers out and in the dark found a bottle of baby oil and sprayed everything… my crotch, legs, the bed.. (it was dark). He dove back to work.. not gentle anymore, pushin his 4 fingers past the knuckle this time.. I started to inch away from him inch by inch.
“Where do u think your going Bitch, isnt this what you like.. being fucked like a slut..” He pushed past his knuckles,, his whole hand now in my twat, past the knuckle of his thumb.. it was starting to hurt and I could feel the skin tearing. “Didn’t you fuck guys while in florida you lil bitch. You had lots of fun fuckin other guys bitch…” All I did was shake my head, tears rollin down my eyes and I said no.. “no I didn’t fuck anyone in Florida, you know that baby, why are you doing this…?” he started thrusting more,, farther in,,
“Don’t fuckin lie to me bitch”. He said inbetween thrusts.. he was past his wrist now.. my legs were trying to kick at him.. I knew I was no longer having sex with the man I loved.. I was being raped by a drunk bastard..
“Get off of me Derik… you’re hurting me”. With that he shoved his arm as hard as he could and I felt like my insides were being ripped apart. I screamed… that just seemed to fuel him further.. the oil made everything slippery and I knew it was being mixed with my own blood.. I kicked at his chest.. his arms.. tried to kick him in the groin.. nothing worked I was locked in place with his hand deep inside me..
I managed to get my foot into the crook of his elbow and pushed him to where his hand was outside of my body.. …. Then he got my foot out of his way and shoved his arm back in.. past my cervix, tearing it apart, and he managed to get half of his arm inside me… I was non stop screaming now.. the pain was excruciating.. I managed to back myself into a corner trying to get away from him as he thrusted himself on me…. The only sounds coming from him are now animalistic grunts and panting… on each exit blood seaped out of me, it ended up on the walls.
“Where do you think you’re going you filthy cunt?..” he removed his hand and pulled me by the hips back to the center of the bed where he then shoved his cock in my torn bloody mess.. I couldn’t feel anything anymore and just cried while he got himself off.. thrusting in and out until he came inside me…
“oh my god, oh my god…. Why the,… how the.. “ I couldn’t even think full coherant thoughts… I was in shock.. the man I loved just raped me.. hurt me… and now he was in the bathroom washing up??? I felt like screaming bloody murder… Somehow I got up.. crawled over the edge of the bed, tried to stand on the linolieum floor and fell.. my legs could not support my weight..
At this point Derik was washing himself off and saw his body was covered in my blood, (his excuse later on was that he had blacked out and he didn’t know he was doing this). He saw me kneelin on the floor as blood just dripped down my legs and onto the floor… he tried to come to my side and touched my shoulder , “DON’T TOUCH ME….” I screamed “DON’T YOU FUCKIN TOUCH ME”.. the look on his face was complete and total horror at what he had done to me. He then went into the bathroom and ran the water in the bathtub.. I crawled into the bathroom,, slippin because of the oil and blood on my beaten body. I managed to get into the bathtub where I sat and cried.. rocking gently in the water as it turned pink… He looked down at me the whole time.. I heard him sniffle as he started to cry.. lookin down at what he had done to me… he tried to help wash me off and each time he got close to me I screamed at him and jerked away like I had been slapped across the face.
I sat there in the tub for what felt like forever, until the water ran clear, I soaped myself up.. still in shock and found I could once again stand on my own… I opened the curtain and grabbed a towel he held out me… All the while I’m thinking “what do I do? Do I call the cops? Keep it a secret? Tell my family? My friends? I cant look at him,,, do I believe him? He blacked out.. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!! “
I was still bleeding.. so I put on a pad, and put on sweatpants and a big t shirt.. just going thru the actions.. as Derik saw the full damage of what he had done.. it looked like a murder scene.. a large pool of blood took up the center of the bed.. he laid an old blanket over the mess and I curled up against the wall.. trying to make myself as small as possible.. as he cried telling me over and over again that he was sorry, asking if I wanted to call the cops on him.. saying he wanted to do it himself.. saying he shouldn’t be allowed to live after what he did.. He swore up and down on everything that was important to him that he would never forget this and he would never hurt me again…
I just wanted to sleep… to forget.. to not be in pain.. I wanted comfort.. I laid under the blanket alone.. while he laid over a foot away from me… whispering “never again,, im so sorry Marissa, if you ever forgive me, you’ll be too good to me….. I wanna make this better… “
He kissed my head as I shut my eyes, crying myself to sleep and as I drifted off into blackness I heard him ask me to marry him…………