Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A. A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

Read 20922 times |
Rated 51 % |
(146 votes)

Vote list (Close) :

Please rate this text:   

An old couple in their 80’s went out to dinner to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary and ended up at the same restaurant they ate at while beginning their honeymoon. The old man takes a look outside the restaurant window and says to his wife, “remember that fence across the street? After we ate our dinner 60 years ago, I took you outside, placed your body across that fence, raised up your dress and made love to you from behind like there was no stopping me.”
“Why yes, I sort of remember,” his wife replied sheepishly, embarrassed at recalling this incident and amazed that the two of them were so indiscreet as to take such a reckless gamble out in public like this.
“Well how about you and me try it again then,” the husband suggested. “Let’s see if we can recapture the thrill and excitement of our wedding night.”
His wife was very reluctant but sensed that she could make her husband very happy on their anniversary, so she agreed to it. So after dinner they went outside, crossed the street to the fence. Her husband got behind her while she spread her legs with body propped partially over the fence. The old man took his place behind her and proceeded to ravish her body with abandon making love to her like he was a teenager again. He banged her for at least 20 minutes and when they finished, they both collapsed on the ground right on the spot.
A policeman on foot patrol happened to be walking by and had observed the couple engaged in this rigorous display of sexuality and when they had finished, he proceeded right to the scene. He went over to the couple as they lay on the ground and said, “I saw what you were doing and I will have to write you both up for indecent exposure and fornicating in a public place. Do you have anything to say for yourself before I give you the ticket?”
“Yes, officer,” says the old man, “you don’t understand. My wife and I are celebrating our 60th wedding anniversary tonight. Just a moment ago, we had dinner over there at that restaurant, the same one we ate at on the first day of our honeymoon. Then we came over here to make love exactly the same way we did back then too. Please don’t give us a ticket. It would be too embarrassing for us both and we didn’t mean any harm by it.”
The policeman is sympathetic to the old couple and decides not to give them any tickets but is still scratching his head over what he observed and learned from the old man and exclaims, “Boy from what I observed, the two of you must have really been something way back 60 years ago.”
“Yeah we were, and 60 years ago there wasn’t an electric fence here either,” the old man responds back.

Read 31029 times |
Rated 51.5 % |
(177 votes)

Vote list (Close) :

Please rate this text:   

One day a husband and wife were in the bathroom. The wife was getting out of the shower and the husband grabs her boobs and says “If these were firmer you wouldn’t need a bra.” The wife was repulsed by his behavior and ignores him.
The next week the two are again in the bathroom and while the wife was getting out of the shower he grabs her ass and says “If your ass was firmer you wouldn’t need a girdle.”
The wife is now pissed and is plotting her revenge.
One day a week later the husband is getting out of the shower and the wife grabs his dick and says “If this was a little bit bigger I wouldn’t need your brother.”

Read 40295 times |
Rated 51.7 % |
(355 votes)

Vote list (Close) :

Please rate this text:   

Q. What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Read 29880 times |
Rated 51.8 % |
(576 votes)

Vote list (Close) :

Please rate this text:   

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat. Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, “Business trip or vacation?”
She turned, smiled, and said,
“Business. The annual Sexual Education Convention in Chicago.”
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen, sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for sex education!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked,
“What’s your business role at this convention?”
“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use my experience to debunk some of the
popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really,” he said. “What myths are
those?”
“Well,” she explained. “One popular
myth is that African American men
are the most well endowed, when in
fact, it’s the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.” “Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent.
We have, however, found that the best potential lover in all categories is the Southern Redneck.”
Suddenly, the woman became a little
uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry”, she said. “I shouldn’t really be discussing this with you. I don’t even know your name.”
“Tonto,” the man said. “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.”

Read 57364 times |
Rated 52.2 % |
(852 votes)

Vote list (Close) :

Please rate this text:   

Q. What’s a virgin and a balloon have in common ?
A. All it takes is one prick and its all over.

Read 21620 times |
Rated 52.4 % |
(164 votes)

Vote list (Close) :

Please rate this text:   

A man and his wife were supposed to go to a costume party together one Halloween, but when the time came to go the party, the woman told him to go on without her, because she said she had a terrible headache.
The man reluctantly did, and the suspicious wife decided to see just how faithful her man really was. She put on a different costume and went to the party.
When she got there she saw her husband dancing with a young girl in a sexy costume. Now, even more suspicious, she decided to really put him to the test.
She danced with him and whispered that they should sneak into a bedroom. She insisted they leave the masks on and had sex with him.
Fuming, she ran home to wait for his return. When he got there, she innocently asked if he’d had fun. He told her he hadn’t.
After a few minutes at the party, he and some guys had gone across the street to play poker.
He added, “The guy who borrowed my costume said he had a hell of a time, though!”

Read 46256 times |
Rated 54 % |
(400 votes)

Vote list (Close) :

Please rate this text:   

An old couple in their 80’s went out to dinner to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary and ended up at the same restaurant they ate at while beginning their honeymoon. The old man takes a look outside the restaurant window and says to his wife, “remember that fence across the street? After we ate our dinner 60 years ago, I took you outside, placed your body across that fence, raised up your dress and made love to you from behind like there was no stopping me.”
“Why yes, I sort of remember,” his wife replied sheepishly, embarrassed at recalling this incident and amazed that the two of them were so indiscreet as to take such a reckless gamble out in public like this.
“Well how about you and me try it again then,” the husband suggested. “Let’s see if we can recapture the thrill and excitement of our wedding night.”
His wife was very reluctant but sensed that she could make her husband very happy on their anniversary, so she agreed to it. So after dinner they went outside, crossed the street to the fence. Her husband got behind her while she spread her legs with body propped partially over the fence. The old man took his place behind her and proceeded to ravish her body with abandon making love to her like he was a teenager again. He banged her for at least 20 minutes and when they finished, they both collapsed on the ground right on the spot.
A policeman on foot patrol happened to be walking by and had observed the couple engaged in this rigorous display of sexuality and when they had finished, he proceeded right to the scene. He went over to the couple as they lay on the ground and said, “I saw what you were doing and I will have to write you both up for indecent exposure and fornicating in a public place. Do you have anything to say for yourself before I give you the ticket?”
“Yes, officer,” says the old man, “you don’t understand. My wife and I are celebrating our 60th wedding anniversary tonight. Just a moment ago, we had dinner over there at that restaurant, the same one we ate at on the first day of our honeymoon. Then we came over here to make love exactly the same way we did back then too. Please don’t give us a ticket. It would be too embarrassing for us both and we didn’t mean any harm by it.”
The policeman is sympathetic to the old couple and decides not to give them any tickets but is still scratching his head over what he observed and learned from the old man and exclaims, “Boy from what I observed, the two of you must have really been something way back 60 years ago.”
“Yeah we were, and 60 years ago there wasn’t an electric fence here either,” the old man responds back.

Read 32406 times |
Rated 54.5 % |
(182 votes)

Vote list (Close) :

Please rate this text:   

One dark stormy night a boy walked into his parents room, scared.
“Mummy! Daddy! Its scary in my room!” He screamed
” Its ok hun, come into bed with us” His parents said back to him.
The boy smiled and jump into his parents bed, after a while he woke up again by the lightning and found something.
” MUMMY! Whats THAT?!” He Screamed again. Mummies eyes widened.
“Thats Daddys sn-snake” she said.
Again the storm woke up the boy and he found something.
” Daddy.. Daddy what are those?” he asked more calmer this time.
” Urr..Urrmmm Those are.. Mummy head-lights ” He answered
Again the storm woke up the boy and he found something.
“Mummy Daddy! Whats THAT!?” He screamed.
” Thats her B-Bush” They both answered
Again the storm woke up the boy and he found Mummy and Daddy doing something.
” MUMMY TURN ON YOUR HEAD LIGHTS! THE SNAKE IS ENTERING THE BUSH!” He scream

Read 20778 times |
Rated 55.6 % |
(151 votes)

Vote list (Close) :Jorje
: NEGATIVEWimmers
: POSITIVE|Crazed|Desire|
: POSITIVE

Please rate this text:   

Q. Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife’s yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in?
A. The dog, once he’s in, he shuts up!

Read 27492 times |
Rated 56.1 % |
(277 votes)

Vote list (Close) :

Please rate this text:   

A guy went to a travel agent and tried to book a two week cruise for himself and his girlfriend.
The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and things were very tight, but that he would see what he could do.
A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could now get them onto a three day cruise.
The guy agreed and went to the drugstore to buy three Dramamine’s and three condoms.
Next day, the agent called back and said that he now could book a five day cruise.
The guy said, “I’ll take it,” and returned to the same pharmacy, to buy two more Dramamine’s and two more condoms.
The following day, the travel agent called yet again and said he could now book an eight day cruise.
The guy agreed, and went back to the drugstore. He asked for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.
The pharmacist looked sympathetically at him and said, “Look, if it makes you sick, why do you keep doing it?”

Read 37105 times |
Rated 56.7 % |
(183 votes)

Vote list (Close) :

Please rate this text: