Free Sex Story

UPDATE AND APOLOGY TO READERS PLEASE READ!!

Quick update: currently as of Thursday august 1st 2013 at 7:14 am I would like to inform my readers that I will be rewriting chapters 2 and 3. they will be much more detailed and longer there are also scenes in there that will be important to the story later on. the chapters should be finished by the end of today at most, but will most likely be released earlier. chapter four will be written soon after words and posted as well. I would also like to apologize for the quality of my work they have not been even up to even my standards as one of my first stories ever written I preceded to get to excited when I started getting messages and pm’s about how good they thought it was. I was excited and wanted to write and publish the next chapter for the people who complemented me, but I was to excited and rushed not taking my time and giving it my all. I deeply apologize to anybody who disliked the rushed chapters 2 and 3. I ask if you read this to please give it another shot and I deeply apologize for my childishness and not giving it my all for you readers. I wish to thank you all for reading my work and I hope that when I finish the series that you will still be sticking with me all the way through till the end. I felt apologizing directly to you readers would be the most mature and the best way to make up for my mistake please forgive me for getting big headed. Please continue to send your support and help through pm’s and comments I promise to give it my all thank you sincerely KingCerberus.

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Having fun while alone

This is a little story i want to share with you guys. I really hope you like it. Tell me anything i can do better with

Robin Gets introduced to BO

Robin Gets Introduced to Bo
by bodaciousbob ©
Previously in “Robin goes to the Big House” Robin is whisked away from her dismal career in show business by her new friend Tanya
Once we went through the locked gate we drove what seemed like a long time. I had no idea that estates such as this even existed, much less that I would ever get to visit one. I couldn’t imagine anyone having such a secluded and large home and that I would be invited to it. Maybe my life was changing for the better. I soon learned that it was definitely changing.
We finally arrived at the front of the large house and Tanya parked the Mercedes in the circular drive. Without even taking the keys out of it she jumped out and I followed along behind her scared of getting lost if she left me.
We went inside this mammoth entranceway and wandered around what seemed like a labyrinth of rooms.
Tanya finally took me into one that was obviously a bedroom and said,” Throw your stuff here. You won’t need it.”
I did what she said. I couldn’t ask any questions as my mouth was hanging open at the sight of all the opulence around me.
“Come on. There is someone I want you to meet.”
Without waiting for a reply she led me down, what seemed like an endless hall and into a very large bedroom. It was dimly lit on the inside with just a little light filtering in from the sheer curtains drawn across glass doors that made up all of one side of the room. Through one of those doors I could make out a pool with what looked like a few people laying in chaise lounges around it. I could not make out how many or whether they were male or female since the curtains cut the visibility down to almost nothing.
As my eyes got use to the dim light I could make out this huge bed at the other side of the large room. It was a big four poster. I mean really big and I thought that a dozen people could sleep in it comfortably. I had no idea how little sleeping actually went on it.
Tanya led me up to the side of the bed and said to a figure laying in it,” Bo this is Robin, the girl I was telling you about.”
I could just barely make out the person she was talking to. He was a man lying there and he looked like he was very large and fat. After a minute I realized that he wasn’t fat at all but there was someone else laying in the bed with him with their two bodies so close together it looked like on large one. It was at this point that I began to think that I might have gotten in over my head. Who receives guests while lying with someone in bed?
The figure next to the man stirred and sat up and I realized it was a woman. And she was naked under the covers. Actually she was out from under the covers and moving across the room before I made this entire thing out. She was a blonde and very nude but very much at ease with her nudity. She left us, walking across the room in an unhurried manner and went into one of the rooms that adjoined onto this massive bedroom.
“Bring her over here so I can have a better look,” a deep voice ordered from the bed.
With that Tanya took hold of my hand and led me closer. The lights came up a bit and I could see that the man in the bed was also naked with just the sheet covering his loins. I was thinking that this was way too weird. But I was so stunned that I just followed Tanya’s lead and stood closer to the bed.
“Very pretty,” the man said.
Tanya said, “Robin this is Bo. Bo-Robin.”
I couldn’t answer. All I could do was stare at this man who thought it was okay to greet people in the nude.
“Let’s see the rest of her,” Bo commanded.
“Take off you clothes, Sweetie,” Tanya said. I didn’t answer because I knew she couldn’t be talking to me.
When I didn’t move or answer Tanya said, “Take off your blouse, Robin.”
Snapping out of my trance like state I had enough presence of mine to say,” What? Are you serious?”
“Well of course I am. Here I will go first.” And with that Tanya undid the last remaining buttons of her silk blouse and let it slide off of her shoulders. Her rather large breasts were brown all over obviously from spending a lot of time nude in the sun. She undid the button and the zipper of her mini skirt and that fell into a heap at her feet. She kicked it off of her feet and left it on the floor. As I had suspected, she wasn’t wearing any underwear at all.
She just stood there in the buff like it was the most natural thing in the world. Even in my state of shock I had to admire what was her amazingly fit and shapely body. I had always thought that she had a boob job but now seeing her naked I realized that she just had spectacular natural boobs. They had just enough sag to them to look natural and full. The nipples were set high and the surrounding aureoles were almost the same color as her breasts.
I could not help but notice that her pubic area was completely shaved and it too was as tanned as the rest of her. Where her long, brown legs came together there was just the top of her slit showing with no pubic hair to interrupt the view. With here brown tresses cascading around her shoulders to frame her beautiful face she could take someone’s breath away. Especially nude.
“Now see. You are the only one left with clothes on. So let’s take them off.”
She came over and had started to unbutton the top button of my blouse before I came to my senses enough to push her hand away.
“I am not taking my clothes off and I think you should take me back where you found me. I don’t know what you think I am but I don’t undress on command in front of someone I just met,” I said in my most stern voice.
“Of course you do, Honey. You just may need a little help,” replied Tanya.
And before I knew what she was doing or where she got them from she had handcuffs on my hands. This shocked me so much that I could not even offer up resistance when she hooked the handcuffs to a cable that apparently went up into the ceiling. In a second she had me trussed up and was operating a foot switch that was taking my hands up above my head. I started to struggle and kick and scream but Tanya and Bo just watched me in my helplessness.
She continued to hoist me up until my toes no longer touched the floor and my sandals fell off. I kicked and screamed with renewed vigor but with less result as my feet no longer touched the floor and I was tiring from my efforts.
When I had quieted a bit Tanya went over to a table and picked something up. She came back to where I was hanging and when I saw what she had I screamed even more. It was a knife and it looked very sharp and very long. I thought she was going to kill me with it.
“Shush now,” She almost cooed. “This is not going to hurt at all.”
With that she raised the knife to my blouse and started to cut the buttons off one by one in no apparent hurry. I quit bellowing, as there obviously wasn’t any one around to offer any aid. Instead I watched her as she cut away the fasteners on my blouse. Looking down at what she was doing tears began to fall on my chest, the first indication that I had been crying.
Once she got the buttons cut off she pulled the tails of my blouse out of my shorts. The blouse fell open showing a glimpse of my bra-encased breasts. Without a sound and seemingly little concern for my garment, Tanya cut the sleeves up to my neck and the entire garment fell away. Now the only thing keeping me from being topless was my lacy white bra.
That didn’t last long as with a quick flick of the rather sharp knife Tanya cut the strap holding my bra cups together. They fell to each side as my breasts came into view, heaving with my recent exertions. Another couple of snips and the shoulder straps were gone and the bra fell into a heap at my feet.
Tanya stepped aside to offer Bo a better view.
“What do you think?” She asked as though they were picking out steaks at the butcher.
My nipples betrayed me as they began to harden under this strange man’s scrutiny. My mounds were creamy colored on the top from days by the pool and the covered parts were milky white. Stark contrast to Tanya’s all over tan.
Tanya reached down and unbuttoned the top of my shorts.
“Please don’t,” I moaned in a pitiful little voice.
She acted like she didn’t even hear me and unzipped the front of my shorts. She gave them a sharp tug to free them from around my hips. When they didn’t move as much as she wanted, she took the knife and placing the blade under the waistband cut them down to the end of the leg on each side. Now they too fell away.
With only my white high cut panties left on I was as good as naked. The panties were molded to my crotch leaving very little of my charms to the imagination. Thinking that this would be enough to satisfy them, I was wrong.
Tanya once again went to my waistband and with quick snips cut it through on both sides. The material fell away from my body and I clenched my thighs as hard as I could hoping to hang onto the only scrap of clothing I had left on my body. Tanya reached down and with one quick tug yanked them from between my legs.
Once again she stood back so that Bo could get a better view.
“You have done nicely, Tanya. She is everything you said she would be.”
It made me wonder how long they had been planning to take me captive and do this to me.
Turn her around so I can see her backside.”
Tanya slowly rotated me so that my exposed cheeks and back were now towards Bo.
“Very nice indeed,” was his only comment.
I had a good butt, I knew from constantly using the stair stepper at the apartment’s gym. My legs were long and tawny colored from sunbathing and my back was smooth and muscular. I knew that my tan lines were unsightly and thought it odd that I should even think this given the current situation.
Tanya rotated me back around until I faced Bo. He took his time looking me up and down spending considerable time on my fur covered slit. I had never felt this naked even in the doctor’s office.
“She will do nicely,” Bo said after some time.
“Robin, Bo wants to have sex with you,” Tanya told me a mater of fact voice.
“You have got to be kidding me!” I exclaimed. I couldn’t believe the nerve of this man thinking that I would have sex with him just because he wanted it. Especially after the way he just treated me.
“Now, now dear. You will have sex with someone and it just as soon be Bo. You aren’t a virgin are you?”
“What! Of course not!” I lied.
“Well then it will just be that much easier for you. And if by chance you are a virgin Bo can be very gentle with first timers.”
“Fuck all of you,” I screamed using that word for probably the first time in my life.
“No dear. It is you that is going to be fucked. You can put up a fight or go along willingly but the end result will be the same.”
“There is no way I am doing anything with that man or any other until I decide to. So just go screw yourself.” I was running out of good sexual intercourse words, not having had a lot of practice using them.
“Well okay. I will take that as a ‘no’” Bo said. “But maybe Tami can change your mind”
With that he leaned over from his bed and spoke softly into a microphone next to his bed. In a moment the very same woman who had been in his bed when I came in reentered. Now she was dressed in a very tight Lycra bottom and a sports bra. I hadn’t noticed when she walked out but she was muscular in a way that only people who work out a lot are muscular. She was maybe 5 foot 8, blond with green eyes and quite pretty. She had rather small breasts but they were round and looked like they were hard.
“Tami, try to convince our new friend Robin that she should do as she is asked. But go gently as she is new and quite likely a virgin.” This from Bo in a tone that almost sounded bored with the proceedings.
Tami walked over to a cabinet on the wall and opened it exhibiting an array of whips of every shape and size. She looked over the selection carefully before selecting one of the smaller and lighter ones that had many short strands coming out of the handle.
“Noooo,” I pleaded getting a good idea of what came next.
Tanya moved away and went to lay in the bed with Bo. Tami took up a position behind me and out of my view except for her reflection from a mirror in the wall. I watched in fascination as she reached back and brought the whip against my back as though it was happening to someone else.
The pain went through me like a fire. This was definitely not happening to someone else. Before I had finished screaming the next stroke landed further down on my backside. I screamed in pain and before I had gotten this out another stroke landed again on the meaty part of my buttocks.
No one was making a sound in the room except for me. Tanya had cuddled up with Bo in the bed and Tami was intent on whipping the skin off of me. The only sound was the whoosh of the whip, the crack of it against my skin and my screech of pain. I knew that the whip was cutting my tender skin in a thousand places and that I must be bleeding profusely through these cuts.
Tami layered on stripe after stripe on my buttocks seemingly having found the spot she was looking for. Each one layered more pain on top of the other until my entire butt felt like it was a glowing fire. When I didn’t think I could scream any more or even feel any more pain there, she stopped.
“Thank you,” I murmured to no one in particular. My head hung down with my blond hair in strings all around my face. The back of my body just burned with pain. My arms and shoulders ached where they had been taking the full weight of my body and although the handcuffs were padded my wrists also ached where they had my hands bound. I noticed that I was crying again as tears were falling onto my naked breasts.
Tami moved around to my front where I could see what she was doing more clearly. She still had the whip in her hand and was studying the front of my nude body. All of sudden the realization of what she was going to do hit me and I started begging for mercy.
“Please don’t do it. Please, please please,” I blubbered crying harder now at my helpless situation and the pain that I was about to have inflicted upon me.
The first stroke caught me right under my full breasts. While my butt had some padding on it, the front of my torso was all skin and muscles, which offered little in the way of protection. The pain of the first stroke made my world turn dark for a second and then I screamed until my lungs were empty and my body just quivered with the exertion of it. I looked down and saw the angry welts on the upper part of my torso and the lower roundness of my breasts. Somehow seeing the results of the lashing made it all that much harder to bear.
I blubbered even more pleading for any kind of mercy. It did no good. The next lash caught me right across my taut tummy and I no longer had the energy to scream. I just gritted my teeth and cried like a baby with the tears running down between my breasts, the salt from them making the fresh lash marks sting even more.
The next one was across my pelvis and seeing it coming from Tami’s strong arm just made it hurt in anticipation. With the track she was taking I knew that the next one would be across my exposed down covered mound and the thought of it made me lose control of my bladder.
It then struck me in my pain-fogged mind that nothing could be worse than this. They were surely going to beat me to ribbons if I did not agree to have sex with Bo. With that realization I decided that my virginity and honor would not do me much good if they killed me or worse yet turn me into a scarred freak.
“I’ll do it,” I mumbled almost in a whisper but not fast enough to avoid the lash across my tender mons. At this point I could only twitch with the pain as I was out of any more energy. My world darkened. Thankfully.
I came to some time later. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours. Since everyone was in the same position I had last seen them in, I suspect it was minutes. Tami was standing there with her hands on her hips and did not look like she was readying herself for another stroke. Bo and Tanya were still on the bed but now the covers were pulled back and I could see that Tanya was slowly stroking his enlarged cock.
Somehow I focused on his manhood as it was at the root of all of my trouble. Granted that I had not seen a lot of these things in their natural state but this one looked like it was longer and larger than it should have been. Tanya seemed perfectly at ease stroking it slowly down its entire length and Bo seemed perfectly at ease with letting her do it, hardly seeming to notice.
“What did you say?” Bo asked me now that I was semi conscious.
I just stared at what Tanya was doing to him and mumbled, “I’ll do it.”
“Do what?” Bo demanded.
“Let you do me,” I replied.
“Let me do what to you?” Bo asked surely just trying to complete my humiliation.
“I will let you have sex with me,” I said with the tears starting to run anew down my ravaged body.
“You mean like fuck you”, he asked.
“Yeah”
“Go on and say it,” he demanded.
I just cried at how my life had taken this turn for the worse. A few hours ago I was a hopeful albeit unemployed actress with my young life ahead of me. By taking the wrong turn, I was now a totally humiliated sex slave to a man I had just met. My body was on fire with a recent beating, urine was running down my leg, and my mind was about to leave me. But the will to live is a strong one and I did the only thing I could to ensure that I had a chance to live through the rest of this day.
“I will let you fuck me,” I replied looking him straight in the eyes with as much dignity and defiance as I could muster given my predicament.
“Very well then. I knew you would come around eventually and I am glad we did not have to use sterner measures. Tami take her away and clean her up.”
Tami put down her whip and came over to me and started to lower me. As my feet reached the floor my legs just buckled under me not able to support me. Tami undid my handcuffs and picked me up in her arms with no apparent effort. Even in my painful state I was in awe with how strong she was to lift me as though I was a baby.
She carried me through the doorway that she had left through just a little earlier. As she did so I noticed Tanya shift her position on the bed. She started to apply her mouth to Bo’s erection as Tami carried me from the room. How she could even consider doing that was beyond me.
Tami took me into another suite of rooms that looked like showers, clothes closets, saunas, and make up rooms. Once again the size and opulence of this estate struck me.
Tami carried me over to a small Jacuzzi that was full of water and bubbling with a foamy surface. I whimpered as she lowered me effortlessly into it thinking that the warm water would send another screaming bolt of pain through my whip torn bottoms. Surprisingly the water was very soothing and I was relieved to be in a place that was warm, comfortable and with my body out of public view.
Once Tami saw that I wasn’t going to slide under the surface she took a position on the end of the tub. With her rather muscular legs on either side of me she started to massage my neck and shoulders. As she touched me I winced.
“Its okay baby,” she said in a husky voice making me aware that this was the first time I had heard her speak. “The worse is over now.”
While I had no reason to trust her, I was so sore that I was willing to believe in any respite that she wanted to talk about. She picked up a movable showerhead, adjusted the spray the way she wanted it, and then began to wet my blond hair. She took a bottle of shampoo and started to wash my stringy hair, slowly, almost lovingly. I couldn’t believe that my recent tormentor was now doing something as selfless and loving as washing my hair. I let her. The turbulent water was having a soothing effect on my body and I did not have enough energy to voice any complaints.
She took the showerhead and rinsed my hair and then applied some conditioner and took her time slowly rubbing it in. I don’t know how long all of this took but it must have been a while because I was beginning to feel much better with the stinging on my but and tummy almost gone.
“Feel better, baby,” Tami asked working on my hair.
I realized that I had fallen asleep and that we had been in the Jacuzzi for some time. Not wanting to anger her and because it was mostly true I said, “I feel much better, thanks.”
“Good.”
“Will there be any scaring?” It was a question that had been on my mind since the first whip mark had landed on me.
Tami laughed a husky laugh. “Of course not, Sweety. Bo would never do anything that would scar one of his ladies. That whipping I gave you was painful but when you get out of this Jacuzzi you will hardly even have a red mark on your body. It is such a lovely body we wouldn’t want to do anything to spoil it.”
I was beginning to wonder if Tami was a lesbian with designs on my body.
“What is this place I have been brought to,” I asked. Certainly this wasn’t your normal big estate. There was something really weird going on here and I was now part of it.
“Well young lady, you have definitely stepped through the looking glass into a strange and wonderful place. Not many young ladies are invited here and once they are here for a while none want to leave. I can assure you that you are about to embark on remarkable journey.” Having rinsed the conditioner out of my hair Tami was now towel drying it.
“But who is this Bo guy and why does he want to defile me?” I asked as the obvious next question.
“Bo is a powerful, rich and wonderful man. He really doesn’t want to defile you. It is more like he wants your sexual awakening to be an experience like you would never get anywhere else. Trust me, when he is done with you, you will be one powerful sexual creature and from that will come a happiness that very few ever achieve.”
I snorted quietly in disbelieve. While I had led a fairly prudish life, I knew when a guy wanted to get into my pants. Cripes! Bo had just come out and said it. And he had beaten me until I had agreed to it. I was more than a little skeptical.
Tami picked up on my indication of disbelief and said,” The women you see around here are totally dedicated to Bo’s happiness and he is devoted to ours. Any one of us would do anything for him. Anything! If he had asked me to murder you I would have without even blinking. On the other hand, he would never ask me or anyone to do such a thing. I have never seen him do anything to anyone that would even leave a permanent mark.”
“But why me? He has you and Tanya and God only knows how many beautiful women already. Why does he want to mess with me?”
Tami thought on this for a second and said, “It is because it is what he does. I know you are having a tough time with this right now knowing that he wants to take your virginity after having you beaten. But we have all been in the exact same spot you find yourself in and we are now totally devoted to him. You just have to do one thing: Exactly what Bo says. I know that you will have trouble with trusting him that much, we all did, but it is the way to true happiness here. Consider yourself lucky that you have been chosen.”
Lucky my butt was what I was thinking. Some whacked out brain washed cult members had obviously taken me prisoner. Although Tami seemed sincere in her devotion I vowed that I would fight to get free of this place at every turn. There was no way I was going to turn over my life to Bo or any other man, however much Tami sang his praise.
As though reading my mind Tami said,” I know you don’t believe any of what I am saying and you will fight it for a while. Heck we all did at the beginning. Me in particular. When I first got here I went through days of some of the disciplinary training that you just went through. I honestly wanted him to kill me, not knowing that that was never an option. I eventually came around and now I have been here longer than any of the other girls. I will never leave unless Bo tells me I must.”
She had finished drying my hair and made me sit up in the Jacuzzi a little further so that she could use a hair dryer on it. When my upper body came out of the water I looked immediately at my lower breast and upper torso to assess the damage her whip had done to me. While I had expected to see broken skin, I was surprised to see that there was only a quickly disappearing red mark that was now only barely visible. It still hurt a bit but the burning sensation there and on my buttocks had all but disappeared. I cupped my breasts to get a better look at the undersides of them and the very tender flesh here was unmarked.
Seeing the look of disbelief on my face Tami said,” It is what you are soaking in that makes the redness go away so fast. It is something that one of Bo’s companies has developed and it is remarkable. Even when you haven’t been beaten you will want to bathe in this stuff. It does wonders for ones skin. Look at mine.”
Tami got out of the tub and stood next to it and yanked up her sports bra exposing her smallish but firm tits. They were like perfect cones on her well-conditioned chest with little pink nipples and small aureoles. They were like the breasts of a sixteen-year-old, firm with a large base.
Completely unselfconscious she rolled down her shorts and down her muscular legs. She had a very light tan and it was easy to see that she sunbathed. She was completely shaven in her pubic area with a well-developed mound and a fat pussy showing between her rounded thighs. She spun around, nude and with her hands above her head, showing me her backside. She had the most muscular and well develop back I had ever seen on a woman. She also had a very small waist. I doubt that it was 22 inches around. But her most remarkable attribute was her butt. Firm and high and almost perfectly round in all directions. Her skin was only lightly tanned and she had almost alabaster skin where her suit had covered her when she had been outside. Her skin was completely flawless: not a freckle, mark or scar and it was tight on her firm body.
She turned back to me and said,” What do you think?” as though she had to fish for a compliment.
My mouth had fallen open again from her uninhibited manner and the spectacular body she was showing to me. I had always taken pride in my god given charms but this woman was truly blessed. I was completely astonished by her body and how willing she was to show it to me. I guess I may have been more inclined to show mine off if it looked as good as hers.
“Well you look marvelous, Tami. Of that there is no doubt.”
“That’s what living here for twenty years will get you,” she said going into one of the adjoining closets and coming out with a blue silk robe.
“You have lived here for twenty years,” I exclaimed. Before I could stop myself I blurted out, “How old are you?” I would have guessed that she was her early twenties but unless she had come here when she was a toddler that didn’t add up.
“I am thirty-eight” She replied as she slipped into the short robe and tightened the sash around her wasp like waist.
My mouth fell open even further as I sat upright in the Jacuzzi. I was totally blown away by that as this woman had the body of a young woman in the peak of health. If she was thirty-eight with the breasts of a teenager she was truly remarkable.
Seeing the look of disbelief on my face she repeated,” Yeah 38. And this is all me. I haven’t had my body altered at all by surgery. Well except for having some laser hair removal down here.” With this she pulled open the bottom of her short robe to show me the denuded lips of her fat firm pussy. “Bo insists that we all stay clean shaven there and a laser is the only way to solve that problem for good. Of course I never had much there, as I really am a blond. But it was a bother waxing my little fuzz off.”
“But the point is that that the stuff you are soaking in does wonders for ones skin. You can see already that the lash marks are gone. Keep using it and you will be delighted with the results.”
With that she moved back to drying my hair, brushing it out and making it look really nice.
“Time to get out,” she said offering up a large terry clothe towel for me to wrap up in. I stood up and was surprised that the weakness had gone out of my legs. My skin did glisten with water and I quickly wrapped the towel around my nakedness. Tami may have liked showing off her body but not this girl.
Tami got another towel and dried my shoulders. “Shave or wax,” she asked.
“What?” I asked not understanding her question.
“Do you want your bush shaved or waxed? Laser removal would be best in the long run but it will make you too sore for the next few days and I believe Bo is probably going to make you sore enough there for the next couple of days. She said this so matter-of-factly I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I still had not bought into Bo having his way with my sex and I certainly wasn’t going to shave myself nude for his pleasure.
“I think I will pass on that if you don’t mind,” was all I could say in response.
The change in her manner was so dramatic and sudden that it was scary. Up to now we had been like two sisters helping each other get ready for the prom. In a second she had transformed herself into Tami the Terrible, capable of beating someone into submission.
“Robin,” she said in a humorless voice. “This is not negotiable. So you can help me do this willingly or I can do it for you however unwilling you are.”
She scared me with that and she certainly looked like she could pull each of my pubic hairs out individually if she wanted to.
“Shaved”, was all I could say thinking that I should pick my battles with this well built crazy woman.
“A good choice. The wax thing hurts too much too.” With that she led me over to stool and had me sit down. She pull the up the robe until it was around my waist and then pushed my knees apart so that she could look right at my sex.
I was just a little uneasy as no one but my doctor had had this view of my genitals. Tami didn’t seem the least put out as she surveyed the work ahead of her. I did keep my bushed trimmed into a runway cut but this obviously was not going to meet the requirements.
I sat quietly as Tami went to a cabinet and got a battery powered clipper, shaving cream and a razor.
“This won’t take long,” she said as she started up the clippers and gave me a quick trim of my blond tuff. She smeared some shaving cream onto her hand and then rubbed it all over my pubic area and pussy lips. I was not use to having someone touch me there and I tensed up as she did it.
“Relax will you. I can let you do it if you would like but it is much easier for me to do it for you. Besides I like to do it.”
Definitely a lesbian I thought.
Next: Robin gets a lesson in love

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Introduction (NEW EDIT)

Hey there xnxx.com readers.
Just for privacy reasons I won’t reveal my name, but I’m 19 and I go to community college in California. I’m black mixed with some native american and some mexican also, and I’m a bit on the skinny side. I want to try to workout more but I recently landed a job so I’m much more busy. The area I live in is quiet and boring, but it’s also safe so I never worry about someone smashing my windows in. I found this site about a year ago and now that I’ve just recently had my first time I finally have something to write about. All the stories I will write will be true stories involving me; I’m not good at making stories up in my imagination. This first story spans the last 3 weeks, from the time I broke up with my ex the Thursday after Valentine’s Day, to just a couple days ago, on March 9th. My life has gotten so much better since the breakup, I almost forgot she existed haha! Anyway, that’s me, and here’s a preview of my first story. Also, I’ll try to name my chapters after song titles that describe my mood at different moments in the story.



*Note that the contents are 99% true, the only changed aspects are the names of the people involved. Enjoy :D*
-Friday, February 17th: Grenade-
I woke up that morning at 7:30am like normal. My phone’s alarm incessantly rings in my ears until I turn to my left, pick it up off my nightstand, and silence it with the push of a button. Then I turn back over and look at the ceiling in my room and breathe a long sigh. The sun shone through my window blinds, giving my room a striped pattern of light and darkness. My clothes sat scattered on the floor, but my laundry hamper was empty. My nightstand was a bit dusty, comprising of my lamp, an old broken radio/alarm/CD player, and my deodorant stick that acted as a paperweight for the several fast food receipts of the past few weeks. This morning wasn’t much different from any other. However the main difference was that today, I woke up single for the first time in 3 months. I laid there thinking about what had just occured the day before.
Yesterday I broke up with my ex, Kristine. I met her on Facebook in early November, and she went to my old high school across town before I transferred to one closer to me. She was a 20 year old latina girl, average size body, not exceptionally curvy but not incredibly skinny either, 5 foot 4 inches tall, a tight ass and 36D boobs. She had long black straight hair and brown eyes. We talked nonstop on Facebook throughout the week, and we became a couple on November 11th, 2011 (11/11/11 I know, what a sweet anniversary!). However, the relationship was everything but sweet. We didn’t have our first date until 3 weeks after we started dating, and she was scared to tell her parents we were dating. Her mom preferred she date Latino guys, and her dad was racist against black people. So the odds were highly stacked against us. Over the length of the relationship, we managed to go on two dates, and every other time we met, we would just makeout in the back of my car.
Sometimes I would bring up the subject of sex to her, but she was a devout Christian, and pledged abstinence. She wouldn’t so much as take off her shirt for me, but she let me pull it down and suck on her nipples sometimes. That’s pretty much as far as it went. We couldn’t do anything together because she wouldn’t tell her parents. I constantly begged her to do so, and explained why it’s important, but she wouldn’t budge. So I broke up with her. I deleted her phone number, deleted her Facebook, and stopped all contact with her. Kristine was only my 2nd real girlfriend and I was torn to shreds; I’m not afraid to admit I cried on the way home from her house. I texted my best friend Luke and his girlfriend Katrina, and they invited me over to Luke’s house to comfort me and to hang out a little bit.
The sun shone in my eyes, temporarily blinding me and making me realize time was passing by. It was 7:45am, and I had to get ready for my math class at 9:30. I pushed my sheets off, rolled out of bed and stepped into the shower. I think the modern shower is one of the greatest inventions in the world. It’s not only a place to exercise good personal hygiene, but it’s also a place of serenity, a place to relax, a place to sing your heart out as your voice is drowned out by the falling water. For me, it was a place to think. A place to think about moving on with my life, and what it would take to forget Kristine’s name. I got dressed, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, and picked up my backpack. I checked the time, it was 8:30. It usually takes me half an hour to get to my class 25 miles away, but I always like to be early. With that, I walked towards the stairs. However, I forgot to do something, so I turned around, and booted up my computer. I logged on to Mozilla Firefox, and began to update my Craigslist ads listed under “Casual Encounters: m4w.”



That’s all for now, hope you enjoyed that little sneak peek and I should have the story done within a week.
Thanks for reading.

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mass effect

i in no way, shape or form own mass effect, all characters, save my own originals are the property of bioware and ea games

10 ways to get laid in oakland, ca

10 Ways to Get Laid in Oakland, California:
Practical Aid for Young Heterosexual Males with Low Income and Average Looks
By Misha Firer
1. Writing Group
Rudimentary principle of engagement (hitched to the rubric “Writing Group.” Online resources: SF Station, Craigslist.com. Also, see 6): compensate the car-less and houseless loser-hood with fluffy verbatim of cult authors’ prophecies inspired by their consumption of lysergic acid diethylamide. Image: benign undiscovered genius. Dress code: shabby, but elegant. Don narrow-framed glasses, super-gel $15 haircut, don’t shave for three days, bring double-spaced personal essay (can be shoplifted from anywhere on Internet) as introduction. Look out for real geniuses; if on the premises, find another group. Useful resource: Stanislavski Principle (available in Oakland Public Library). Meeting one: locate the post-industrial-capitalism-bashing, bashful epistolary buff. Likely candidate would be: neo-gothic, unconscious in choice of clothes, kinky, prone to bouts of ennui, or/and depression. Meeting one conclusion: set up an email exchange for innocent flirtation. Suggested authors for borrowing snappy lines: Will Self, Martin Amis, Haruki Murakami (available in English translation). Meeting two: cement the melancholic, aloof image. Impress, impress, impress. Casually invite your pick to a reading by a famous fraud in your local bookstore (Diesel on Telegraph Avenue or Barnes & Noble on Jack London Square). Later on invite to a Mexican eatery. Downplay your lack of finances. Let your date pay for you. Remark on the margins: sentimentality equals pornography. Granted, gear bullshitting (intelligently lubricated) towards parental traumas that compelled you to start writing. Further suggestion: father abandoning pregnant mother. Possibility for dramatization: finding AWOL dad years later. Take a walk. Your carefully staged aloofness has just been paid off. Your silences speak volumes. From hereon let yourself be guided. She is thoroughly enchanted. Your stoic stainless steel aura is galvanized by sudden bursts of creative inspirations. Share them, although it’s against your nature. She has been chosen. Continue along the same lines with common sense, while heading for your artist studio. Probability of getting laid that night (statistic based on the author’s and four other individuals’ experience): 88%.
2. Coffee Shop
Average starting salary: $7 per hour (fluctuates in $1 range). Expect additional income in tips (anywhere from $5 to $30 per shift). Form of payment: paychecks. Requirements for application: rudimentary ability to provide customer service; minimum IQ coefficient 60; references (complimentary, not obligatory). You will be taught to operate espresso machine (a blind from birth first-grader would be able to master) and register (computer keyboard principle). Why you should be interested: 70-80% of employees are college-age females. Warning: sexual harassment proliferates; thus if you move impulsively in your courting efforts you will lose your job. Notwithstanding: solid profligacy on the working side of counter will encourage you. That said, it is strongly recommended not to hasten tempted by proximity of boyfriend-less, faux-sophisticated females in their late teens and early twenties. Remember: God (Christian, Muslim and Jewish) rewards those who are patient. But waste no time, do your research (it is also said that God rewards those who help themselves). Compile the list of your unattached co-employees. Carefully befriend each one. Advice: read Dale Carnegie (available in all bookstores and libraries of Oakland). Learn their interests (centered on TV shows) and use that information for all its worth for your innocent flirtations. Warning: be conscious of what you say, for rumoring is the most popular entertainment there. Your choice would be: a student of anthropology struggling to shoulder the tuition bills, undecided regarding the vector of her adult life, quiet, hard-working, but perennially grumpy for she definitely deserves a better-paying job. Your relationship with the manager is impeccably congenial. Thus you arrange to work on the same shift with your pick. Recommendation: invite her for the date no sooner than the third co-shift. Invite to an inexpensive, fancy-looking restaurant. Align your life hardships with hers (college unpaid bills, uncertainties in reference to the imminent future). You are both inflicted with the same dream-shattering-cruel-fucked-up-world syndrome. Reiterating statement: excessive sentiments equal pornography. Advice: be yourself, but more so, more like her. Chances of winding up in sack after the dinner: 75% (statistic based on the author’s experience and cases of at least nine individuals). If you fail, set up next date a week hence. Spend your work time inquiring into the dating prospects with other female co-workers whilst cementing your relationship of kin spirits with your initial pick. Observation: if the second date doesn’t wind up with carnality, the chances are you have blown it.
3. “Raiders” (contributed by Chip W.)
“Raiders,” our local Oakland football team has lost — if I’m not mistaken — fourteen games in a row, and yet it still has a substantial number of adherents. Here, in particular, I wish to concentrate on the female group of supporters (and I don’t mean cheerleaders).
I work in a downtown office, two blocks from the Estuary. I don’t remember how exactly I heard (or overheard) this interesting piece of scoring information, but in reference to it I’m a living proof of its effectiveness.
About four years ago, when the lofts peaked in architectural fashion and high-tech boom still promised eternal profits, they built a whole bunch of them on the outskirts of downtown, near Jack London Square. After the Dot-com Bubble popped, the lofts remain largely unoccupied. Except for one three-story concrete monstrosity (102 Jackson St., corner of 3rd St), which “Raiders” team purchased in order to provide temporary accommodations for their new players. Consequently it became Mecca for chicks that want to hit with big bucks. Come Friday or Saturday night and you can see an incredible amount of chicks milling around the building, waiting to be admitted for some action.
Here’s what you have to do if you want to get a piece of action for yourself. Procure a parking permit to park on the ground floor. It’s kind of hard, but possible. I hooked up with the proprietor (a very likable Norwegian) of the “America Ground” cafĂ© located on the same block and “leased” his parking spot for $200 a month.
Here’s how it works. You’re one of the “Raiders” employees. You’re dressed in your office garbs. You drive an inexpensive car, no need for anything fancy. Slowly you near the building, stop and begin to fumble in your pocket or wherever looking for the remote control to open the gates to the ground floor garage (the Norwegian would kindly provide you with once you “lease” his spot). Immediately the chicks flock to you and ask, well, basically beg you to usher them in. You say, “Come on in, but I can’t promise you anything. The guys must be booked for tonight.” But those chicks are really desperate! You have a carful of boiling hormones and in you drive.
You park at some empty spot with white print that says “Raiders’ Management” and lead them to the entrance of the building. You tell them to wait by the elevator, while you go up and talk to the guys. The girls squeal happily, while you keep your cool. For you it’s business as usual. Ten minutes later you return and say, “No luck, girls. But tomorrow for sure. There’s an important game and guys will wish to relax after it. I guarantee to get you in.” You are their guarding angel. You have chosen them for this, ahem, privilege. Thus you need payment in advance. Naturally. And the chances are you
The catch is you can fool them once, twice, then this whole gathering has its eyes on you the fraud. So it’s not a long-term thing. But for a short-term, you’ll get more than you have ever hankered for!
4. Soccer
Locations: McArthur Park, Wednesdays 6PM; Ohlone Park Tuesdays 7PM; Piedmont High School Saturdays 12PM and Sundays 4PM. Reason: unisex teams. Level of players’ skills: zero to moderate. Requirements: very basic physical form. Ability to run: not obligatory, but complimentary. Knowledge of rules: will be taught on the premises. Equipment: sneakers, shorts, T-shirt. Cleats are encouraged. Don’t forget to bring drinking water. Tip: never forget to apologize loudly each time you lose the ball to the opposite team or inadvertently push/tackle/hit a player. Team spirit: moderate to high. Rules of engagement: just show up and articulate your wish to play. Author’s recommendation: Piedmont High School. Percentage of unattached female players: 40. Catch: you have to be 30+. Exception: two players below the age 30 are allowed for each of four teams. Complication: memorizing names of all players in your team (eleven by the rule, but the actual number varies). Why: while yelling for the “pass” it is handy to know the name of the person who currently is in the possession of the ball (also, see Dale Carnegie). Once you get a knack at the game (a less violent version of football only you use feet instead of hands), you will see how to get leverage with your female co-players. It is simple: always moon around the gates of the opposite team and wait for the ball. The person who scores the goal gets all the laurels. Average amount of goals per game from both sides: 4. Thus: double score = an absolute hero. Turn on: dribbling (ability to bypass the steam-rolling players of the opposite team), sweating (both smell and texture; T-shirt clinging to the body etc), panting (not too heavily), yelling on the run (killer line: “George, pass it on, for Christ’s sake!”). Best time to strike: on the break/at the end of the game. Quality of the female players: varies — sporty to lumpy. Competition: males are blissfully centered on the game. Multiple dating: guaranteed. Bed: close to 100% (statistic based on the feedback from twelve individuals including the author).
5. Lake Merritt
Parameters: S-shaped, diameter: 10.5 miles. McArthur Boulevard and Webster St. on the East, 10th Street on the West. Connects to the Estuary via underground aqueduct. Office buildings along the North side. Residential middle class neighborhoods on the South: your fishing grounds. Reason: lone female walkers. Competition: Discmen. Requirements: any outfit that can categorize you as “doing sports exercises.” Attention: do not approach joggers; they are the elitist group of amateur athletes. Turn off: cigarettes, glasses, hands in pockets. Turn on: glazed eyes, bared muscles (if you have none, refrain from wearing tight T-shirts), springy gait. Rules of engagement: say “hello” and proceed to speak about healthy way of life. Timely confession: how you changed your ill ways and got reborn through walking/jogging/running. Still better: organic diet. Resources: browse Internet for calorie accumulation/calorie burning data. Especially effective on: weighty walkers comprise 75% out of total number (statistic based on five individuals:). Your co-walker would be: in her late 20s/early 30s, college-educated, has a sedentary job, spends approximately 4 hours per day on the coach in front of the TV, sleeps approximately 9 hours per day. Your offer: walk together from now on. Reason: your man’s company is better than her Discman’s. Average number of failures before the initial success: 3. Perfect place to go on a date: cafĂ© in the Organic Food Emporium on Shattuck Avenue. Also consider: kayaking in the Estuary, swimming pool on Telegraph Avenue, skating rink on 19th Street. Author’s recommendation: hiking expedition in Point Reyes or around Diablo Mountain. Note on the margin: from thereof she is all yours.
6. Craigslist.com (with contributions from Chip W., Derek L. and Lou B.)
What is it: five years ago, a young San Francisco entrepreneur had foundered an Internet site that featured employment, real estate and dating sections. Henceforth it expanded and now it is the most popular resource for classified ads in Bay Area. Why: because things date-wise are happening online, especially on Craigslist (granted you reside in Bay Area; population: 5 million people).
Chip W. “Basically there’re two options on Craigslist for a straight guy to get laid. There’s “Women Looking for Men” (for the romantically-inclined) and my favorite “Casual Encounters.” The latter features a horde of mega-horny and ultra-perverted males looking to fuck and pronto, please. If you decide to put your ad up on “Casual Encounters” — exaggerate, exaggerate, exaggerate. And even then you’re competing with approximately thirty m4f ads per hour (compare to two-three f4m ads per day). After reading these two-line masterpieces of sheer grossness, (example: “my engorged 7-inch dick will fuck your pussy, and if you have fewer than five orgasms in a row I’ll pay you a hundred bucks. Dublin area. Will travel within a seventy mile radius”) I’ve never even bothered to try. What you need here is patience. You got to perennially track down the brand new f4m ads from your job computer and immediately respond to them. Prepare a standard letter that you will send to each one of them. Plus take a digital naked pic of your body (face is not really required), so it would be at hand once you are asked for it. Misha Firer is a statistical buff, and he asked me to appraise the guys’ chances. The truth of the matter — it depends. Basically it’s all about your persistency. You got to work on it every day, especially concentrate on weekends. I would say, at least two weeks to secure first lay. But once you get hang of it, it’ll go faster. Who you are dealing with here are jaded divorcĂ©e professionals with extra pounds who lead an insulated lifestyle, either new to the area, or too disillusioned by its night-scene. Count on one-night stand. She probably won’t have any desire to see you again. I’ve gotten laid three times and quit, because I found a girlfriend (offline).”
Derek L. “I disagree with Chip regarding posting ads on “Casual Encounters” – it does work in a long run. He’s right though it requires persistency. Post any crazy-shit ad every day for a couple of weeks in a row and you’ll get responses. My first success was a teenage chick, a Lenney College student. She was a bit on the overweight side, but wild as animal. Pinned me down to the bed, worked me over. Awesome. Then I had a string of other “casual encounters.” It’s true you won’t meet a supermodel here, but you’ll get your share of fun. I like “Women Looking for Men” section better though. It has a human side. You hook up and converse for a while via emails. Then, telephone calling routine. This way, it’s more like a hunting game, if you know what I mean. Then you go for a date to a restaurant. Who you meet is, naturally, somewhat far less attractive than what you had imagined. Fantasy, my friends, is our greatest enemy. From then on it’s the ordinary reality-TV stuff. What I like though is that chicks write a goddamn vita curriculum in their postings. So you know who she is, whether she is worth spending your time and money on. I met my current girlfriend through “Women Looking for Men.” She’s cool. But before I met her I had imagined someone still cooler 🙂
Threads from “Romance” Forum on Craigslist.com
Chip W.: I agree with scientists in viewing romantic love as a composition of chemicals in the brain, having the same propensity and direct connectivity with sex. The former is nothing but a borsch of serotonin, dopamine and adrenaline.
Lou B.: Yes, and it serves an evolutionary function. There’s this ongoing competition read survival of the fittest for the female attentions. The female chooses a better-evolved male to bear a child. But females being human make mistakes, thus I think abortion is a very important prop for sustaining the principle of evolution. They say that current low rate of births is damaging society-wise. But I say it only strengthens society, because even if there are fewer children, they are genetically better.
Derek L.: That’s fascism, Lou. You are a fucking Nazi. Low rate of births is a matter of economics, not evolution. Personally, I think it’s pure selfishness.
Lou B.: Well, I can label you back. You are a sexist and a barbarian to throw in. You wish to relinquish individual conscious choice of a woman.
Derek L: Yes. Nature knows better.
Lou B.: You see, I told you – sexist and barbarian.
Chip W.: I think the greatest discovery of the 20th century was the discovery of the inexistence of soul. Our concept of romantic love is an atavistic leftover from our uncivilized past. One day, I believe, we’ll learn how to control “love” chemicals and everyone can be happily in love at will.
Derek L.: They had already invented it. It’s a drug called “ecstasy” (MDMA.)
Lou B.: Hey Lou, do you think women really believe in non-scientific love. Do they really believe in existence of “soul mate”?
Lou B.: Some do. Not that many. You see it’s hard to believe in it, when the social norms deny (even if indirectly) the existence of soul.
7. “Acupuncture & Massage Center”
Location: corner of 19th Street and Webster St. For whom it may concern: those who have abandoned hope to find a lady company for tonight/any night. How it may concern you: you can ask for a “special favor.” Note: fulfillment of “special favors” is not strongly encouraged by the management. Chances of being agreed on providing more than official service: 70% (statistic based on the feedback from seven customers including the author). Price of massage: $40. The massagers: foreign-born Asian women in their early and mid 30s. When to ask for “special favor”: at the end of sĂ©ance. How to increase your chances: be courteous with the ladies, be well groomed (nice haircut, neat clothes etc.) Also: smile a lot. Warning: do not let them confuse you with an undercover cop. Thus: do not ask questions concerning the establishment, its management, workers’ country of origin and their status (legal/illegal) in America. Remember: the massagers are NOT obliged to provide you with any extra services. Suggested line of inquiry: “I still feel really tired and would like to have a more thorough massage.” If your massager concedes to your carnal desire, you will be escorted to the second (top) floor. There are two sparsely furnished rooms there. Payment: $100 for Âœ hour. Suggestion: leave $20 tip – don’t burn bridges behind you. No’s: kissing on the lips, asking for kinky services (anal intercourse, spanking, watersports etc). Yes’s: straight sex with a condom, coming twice, body kissing.
Chip W. comments. “There’re actually six full-time brothels within four square blocks of that Massage Center. The total number of the brothels in the city of Oakland is mind-boggling: more than McDonald’s, Burger King and Wendy’s branches put together! Three days ago, on the way out of one of them (corner of 46th and Telegraph Avenue) I was spoken to by one of its clients, “Dead organics [a restaurant meal in this context C.W.] are at least ten times cheaper than live organics. Un-fucking-believable. Our great Western civilization is dead.”
8. Bar “Van Kleefe”
Location: 21st St. and Telegraph Av. Age of consent: 21 and older. Whom to expect: downtown workers relaxing after 9-to-5 routine, local artists, swinger couples, occasionally tourists. Note on the margin: the dining hall of seven candle-lit tables located behind the bar is a museum of random antique items (seventeen models of brass kettles set on a shelf; three-foot high bowling balls and six-foot statue of a Egyptian she-wolf seated on the floor; European paintings painted in oil featuring 19th century ships engaged in cannon-pummeling, smoke-blowing sea battles and newspaper clippings with pictures of three generations of torso-naked American boxers on the walls etc, etc). Atmosphere: semi-dark, intimate in a sinister way. Author’s characterization: fetishism of cultural displacement. Best time to come: Fridays. Why: swinger couples throng in droves (well, actually, in loose couples). Venue: a she-male Argentinean duo singing Celine Dion and Whitney Houston hits. How to avoid a fight with quasi-jealous, intoxicated husbands: know thy allies and listen to their directions. Your allies: an African-American, Ray Charles-imitating (dark glasses and everything) dude who checks your picture ID at the entrance; proprietor, a sleazy middle-aged Dutch (Ron Van Kleefe) with an eternal grin imprinted on his elongated face (check out his girlfriend: an ash blond with breast implants). Rules of engagement: offer to buy a drink, while carefully refraining from casting sidelong looks at the husband, who is consciously (but painfully) disregards anyone who hits on his wife. What you have to offer: variety to her monogamy. Advice: talk at ease; never mention the husband’s presence (who, the chances are, is hitting on the bartender). Beware: don’t go overboard — use common sense. Good, but somewhat stale, joke: “Are these singers men or women?” Remember: you are NOT hitting on someone else’s wife. This is NOT adultery, because both parties (husband & wife) do this in mutual consent. Best time to bid a retreat: 1AM (the bar closes at 1:30AM). Place of retreat: always yours. Statistics for getting laid: depends on your womanizing skills. Subjective note: you got to be a sucker to go home empty-handed.
9. “Lenney” College
Location: a square block with Surf St. on the East, 9th St. on the West; next to Alameda Tunnel. Why: because three campus buildings feature the highest concentration of females under age 25 in Oakland. How to apply: online. Check www.lenneycollege.com for details. Tuition: varies. Grants: available. Suggestion: you can enroll (high school diploma required) for concurrent studies. This way you pay only $400 per course and can take any number at will with no obligations towards accumulation of degree and at the same time you legitimize your presence on the campus. Warning: do not lose your head. Especially popular with/populated by minorities: African Americans, Philippine-Americans, Chinese-Americans, Latin-American-Americans. Your best deal: out-of-town wide-eyed teenagers. Note: there is a government-sponsored program for the children of farm workers to study at “Lenney.” Number: uncertain. Apply your urban, urbane polish. Note: many students can hardly afford to rent residential space without sharing with roommates. Think in terms of your privileges: car/apartment/knowledge of localities etc. Further note: it is a progressive college. Currently profligacy is at record high (see, statistical appraisals in Lenney College Library). All-time favorite activity of the students: get drunk on Bud light and have sex with nameless bodies. What you can offer: about the same as male students. But: you have more life experience. Suggestion: offer to help with homework. Level of studies: primitive. Notice: do not appear too smart or too obsolete. Places to strike: lecture halls, hallways, lawns (feature an incredible amount of bikini-clad tanning students throughout the day). Conclusion: possibly best place to get laid in town while following all the standard rules of engagement.
10. Piedmont Shopping Mall
Piedmont is a rich neighborhood located on the east ridge of the Berkeley Hill. It has its own municipality, and always has striven to disconnect itself (futilely) from Oakland, which has an ill repute of the most criminal town in Bay Area. Why it may concern you: desperate housewives who have workaholic husbands. Piedmont features a splendid two-story shopping mall, where the above-mentioned wealthy (and equally insouciant) housewives tend to congregate. Why it is the hardest call in this list: they are afraid to lose their wealth (or at least some of it) through infidelity. Requires: a lion share of guts. Thing/or two to remember: any one of them can bring sexual harassment charges against you without batting an eye (even, if you succeed to have consented sex); jealous husbands (or the detectives hired to monitor wayward wives) might be on the premises. That said it’s a temptation hard to resist. Why: women are exceptionally beautiful, they keep expensive (and equally successful) diets, exercise regularly, dress sharply, wear dazzling mascara. Average age: 30-35. Most have children. Another serious impediment: women also rigorously monitor one another for the sake of gossiping and/or blackmail. Tips for the brave ones: approach casually, coolly, confidently; do not project desire, put the emphasis on your relative pennilessness; have a ready explanation how you wound up in this mall (best bet: because of your job). Do NOT invite for a date. What you want is no-strings-attached string of encounters to build up a sensation of security in her. Be extremely careful, but don’t get paranoid. Use common sense. With equal probability this can lead you to a most glamorous night in your life or/and to a jail cell. Chances to procure a lay: no feedback from those who tried whatsoever. Attention: the Author relinquishes any responsibility for the results of your courting efforts with the Piedmont women in regard to its sheer unpredictability and possible legal complications. Note: the Author strongly discourages to try all those who are self-insecure and especially those who have foul temper (further no-no list available upon a request).

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Ass Hair Lemonade

Ass Hair Lemonade
If you want to make excellent lemonade, you have to start by making “Sugar Syrup” (also known as “Simple Syrup” “Bar Syrup” “Simple Sugar Syrup” or “Rock Candy Syrup”). The same is true when you are making Ass Hair Lemonade.
While most recipes for Sugar Syrup call for two parts sugar – one part water, I prefer a Sugar Syrup for lemonade or ass hair lemonade made with one part water – one part sugar. This is also in keeping with the traditional Lemonade starting proportions of 1 cup of water, 1 cup of sugar, one cup of lemon juice.
Before making the Sugar Syrup, get a razor and spread a portion of newspaper on the floor. Stand on the newspaper while you dry shave off your ass hair. A dry shave is recommended (no water and of course, no shaving cream) because it is easier to collect the ass hair when you are done.
Collect the ass hair and make the Sugar Syrup.
To make “Sugar Syrup” (also known as “Simple Syrup” “Bar Syrup” “Simple Sugar Syrup” or “Rock Candy Syrup”), bring one cup of water to a boil in a small saucepan. Reduce the heat and add one cup of sugar to the boiling water.
Once the sugar has completely dissolved, remove the saucepan from the heat and let it cool a bit. Stir the ass hair into the cooling Sugar Syrup. This will ensure effective dispersal of the sugar and the ass hair into the lemonade instead of having the sugar sink to the bottom, and the ass hair float to the top.
While the “Sugar Syrup” (also known as “Simple Syrup” “Bar Syrup” “Simple Sugar Syrup” or “Rock Candy Syrup”) is cooling, extract the juice from 4 to 6 lemons to make 1 cup of lemon juice. Add the juice and the sugar/ass hair water to a pitcher. Add around 4 cups of cold water, more or less according to taste. Refrigerate 30 to 40 minutes.
Serve with ice, sliced lemons.
Serves 6.
You will find that the Ass Hair Lemonade is different depending on how much ass hair it has in it. A hairy ass makes for a thicker Ass Hair Lemonade. Italian male Ass Hair Lemonade would be much thicker than Swedish Lass Ass Hair Lemonade. Try as many different kinds of Ass Hair Lemonade as you can!

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