Chapter 3

“So how have you been? You haven’t really talked to me in three days.” Jack asked, facing Kelly in the black-drop dreamscape in her mind.

“What are you talking about? It’s kind of hard to carry on a conversation with someone when the first half of the conversation occurs in your mind.” she sighed, sitting on the invisible ground.

“Ah, of course.”

Kelly took a deep breath, shaking from head to toe. Even when asleep, she couldn’t get away from her withdrawal symptoms, and it was driving her up the wall. Normally she wouldn’t be able to even get out of bed with how far she was falling, but this was far easier than ever. Regardless, she felt like she was covered in fire ants every second of every day, and there was another aspect, one that she hadn’t encountered before. The pain struck her deep, deeper than she could have ever imagined.

“Well it’s pretty hard to focus when I feel like I’m stuck in a wood chipper.”

“Tell me, is this pain different from other times?”

“Yeah, it’s… deep. It feels almost like I’m getting stabbed, but it’s not hurting until it hits me in the very center. Compared to this, the other times were a lot more powerful, but they could almost be called dull while this is sharp.”

“That is because your perception of pain as been changed. It has weakened in intensity because you have taken your first steps on the path of enlightenment. You have a true reason to quit drugs and your life has been changed. As for the “sharpness” you described, that is because you are truly aware of the pain. You are becoming aware of yourself, the pain you are experiencing is beginning to leak down into your core and come into contact with the Self. You could say that this is the first time you have truly felt real pain. While the pain is distracting, use it to find yourself, like using water to find leaks in a tire.

If I may offer you a suggestion, the next time you have a moment to yourself, try meditating. Focus on your senses, explore your sensations, move to the center of your perception and feel all in the universe around you.”

Kelly nodded almost nervously. “Ok, I’ll try.”

“And tomorrow, let’s have lunch.”

This made Kelly laugh. “A figment of my imagination asking me for a date? These withdrawal symptoms are worse than I thought. Besides, everyone knows that Vicky girl has been clinging to you like glue. Sorry, but I don’t want her to claw my eyes out.”

“It’s Victoria. And don’t worry, she’s not the jealous type. Besides, you are my friend.”

——————————————————

The morning was warm, far warmer than usual for early December, with any fallen snow already melting in the dawn light and the remaining birds flying around with revitalized souls. Victoria was standing at Jack’s front door, straightening her hair and preparing for the conversation she would likely have with his parents. Jack lived three miles from the school, but always walked back and forth, even when he could easily take the bus. She lived a bit farther as it turned out, right down the road from him, a twenty-minute walk at most.

Glad her backpack was light, Victoria knocked on the door and stood patiently while looking around. The Owen family had just moved back only a few days ago and the exterior showed it. The garage was open, showing several recycling bins full of crushed cardboard boxes, the lawn hadn’t been mowed in a long time, and the house just felt like it was still in the process of being personalized. Victoria quickly turned back to the door as it was opened, revealing Jack’s mother. She had Jack’s tall narrow frame and gray eyes, but pale-blond hair.

“Can I help you?” She asked.

“Mrs. Owen, I’m Victoria Ellie, Jack’s girlfriend. I know that Jack normally walks to school, so I thought that I would join him this time while the weather is still good. I live just down the road actually. It’s very nice to meet you.” Victoria cheerfully said, causing Jack’s mother to light up like a Christmas tree.

“Oh my, Jack told us all about you! Please, come in! Oh, and just call me Laurie,” she said, standing aside and waving Victoria in.

“Thank you.”

Victoria stepped inside and followed Mrs. Owen into the kitchen, where Jack’s father was eating breakfast. He was shorter than Jack’s mother, but had the same head of blond hair, even though he was barely in his forties.

The house was still filled with boxes of stuff left to be unpacked, but it looked like the Owens had pretty much figured out where the key items were meant to go. Shelves had been put up, already filled with books and family pictures, furniture had been moved around and situated as to personal desire for appearance and comfort, and the house was quickly filling up with the family’s energy.

“Harold, this is Victoria, the girl that Jack has been talking about.”

Jack’s father practically bolted from his chair and shook her hand. “We’ve been hoping we’d get to meet you. I’m not sure whether I’m surprised or not that he has a girlfriend; he was always followed around by all the girls at his old school, but this is the first time he’s ever shown interest in return.”

“Well I definitely consider myself lucky. I really hope he hasn’t left already, I wanted to walk to school with him since it’s so warm out.”

“Oh no, you’re just in time. He’ll be down in just a second,” said Laurie, just a moment before the sound of feet on stairs reached everyone’s ears.

Smiling as usual, Jack came down into the kitchen and his grin widened when he saw Victoria. “Ah Victoria, what a pleasant surprise. Taking advantage of the weather?”

“Yeah, I was thinking we could both walk to school. Come on, we’re going to be late.”

“Alright. Bye Mom, dad, see you later,” Jack said, grabbing his backpack and following her outside.

“Have a good day you two!” Harold called before the door was closed. “Came back to school just the other day and already has a girlfriend, he never stops surprising me,” he then said, sitting back down and taking a sip from his cup of coffee.

“I just hope they stay together. Jack has never been truly sad before, I’d like it to stay that way. But she definitely seems like a sweet girl,” Said Laurie.

——————————————————

“It’s such a beautiful morning, especially for December. It feels like we completely skipped winter and have jumped into spring,” Victoria said, breathing in the fresh air.

True to her words, the scent of fertile soil and livening plants was being carried on the wind and the birds were fluttering across the sky with new energy. It was like nature itself was reacting to the heat of the sun and waking back up.

“This winter has certainly been milder than I remember, but any warm sunny day in the winter is still a fresh blessing up here in Maine. Under the light of the sun, life is brought forth with new vigor, allowing the human spirit to flourish in tandem with the wildlife. I’m glad we get to have a day like this before nature once again falls asleep.”

“How poetic.”

“The human heart is lifted not by material comforts, but by the sentimental value and the meaning in which they carry and what they give us. A child is happy when he gets a toy because it becomes the lightning rod for creativity, a man is thrilled when he gets a TV because of the view of the world that he receives with it, and a woman is overjoyed when she gets diamond jewelry because the amount of money spent on it shows how hard the man worked to try and find a way to show his love.

But for me, I prefer the metaphysical to the physical. To me, hearing a beautiful poem or a majestic symphony is worth more than gold. We can live without material possessions, but we cannot live without the things that make a human life worth living, and those are the things that cannot be held.”

“Good, so now I know what to get your for your birthday.”

“It’s coming right up, my birthday is on the 21st. Since I was born on the winter solstice, my parents named me Jack, as in Jack Frost.”

“Oh, well then maybe someday your nickname for me can be Mrs. Frost,” Victoria teased.

“Maybe,” Jack hummed.

——————————————————

“Oh Jesus, here comes Tyler,” Victoria said worriedly as the lumbering senior crossed the school campus. It was 7:25, school had started, and in five minutes, the three teenagers would be late for first period.

“Relax, he doesn’t want to fight me. Please go wait inside, Victoria, he only wants to talk,” Jack said without worry. Regardless, Victoria didn’t move. “Victoria, I promise you, nothing bad will happen. Go, I’ll be in class in just a few minutes.”

Fearing for his safety but willing to obey, Victoria nodded and walked away from him towards the school, making sure she gave Tyler a wide girth.

“Ah, Tyler Deck, how can I help you?”

Tyler came to a stop and bit his lip before answering. “I wanted to apologize for hitting you the other day, and I’m sorry it took me so long to come and apologize. There are a lot of people in this school who’s forgiveness I need.”

“I was never someone you had to apologize to. I let you hit me in order to help you, I should be thanking you for listening and letting me know that I was able to make a difference in someone’s life.”

“But I still hit you and it had to hurt.”

“How many times must I repeat myself? Indeed it did hurt, the key was not minding that it hurt.”

Tyler scowled in confusion, thinking back to when he had heard it in his dream. “Repeat yourself? But you only ever said it once before.”

Jack gave another small laugh. “Yes, you’re right. But listen to me, Tyler, pain is not a negative, it is not a bad thing. Pain hurts, but it only harms when we let it. There is an unavoidable biological aspect to pain, but if you can come to terms with it, then pain looses all meaning, and if you can look beyond it, then you can give it a new meaning. Just like how masochists enjoy pain, you can lose all fear and weakness to pain if you can understand it and look beyond it at the greater view.

If you were to punch me in the nose right now, yes it would sting. I would stagger back, undoubtedly tearing up, and quite frankly it would hurt like hell. I can’t stop my body from hurting, but by changing the meaning that I put on pain, I can lessen the intensity and keep it from slowing me down. I can’t block pain, but I can perceive it in a less potent way. To me, a wound hurts because it sends signals to my brain, but never do I let fear invoke fear or anger, and it is in that struggle that real pain is experienced. Quite simply, I don’t mind it hurting, it doesn’t really affect me any more than a limb falling asleep or getting my feet stuck in the mud.

Understand this, Tyler, because this will let you forgive yourself. Pain is unavoidable, but the intensity is up to us. We are nothing but atoms and energy, neither of which contain reason or meaning. The reason or meaning of everything we experience is created by our own minds. If you can realize this and I mean TRULY realize this, then even pain that has a social reaction loses its power over you. If you understand pain in its entirety, then even the most stigmatized pain can become truly harmless.” Jack explained. The third part of the explanation caught Jack’s attention and brought him back to the dream he had after meeting Jack for the first time.

“What do you mean ‘stigmatized pain’?”

Jack sighed and wiped away his smile. “Before I answer that, please know that everything I say, I do so carefully. Back before I returned to this school district, there was a girl I knew, a very dear friend of mine. I taught her everything I knew and helped her achieve enlightenment. One night, she was mugged and raped. When she went under a psychological evaluation, she said that the movie she went to was hilarious, the night was beautiful, and through her eyes, no harm was done to her. She admitted the sexual assault was painful, but only physically.

She was able to look past the social and psychological meaning of what had been done to her. She said she had asked herself a question. That question was, “what does this mean for me and only me”? In truth, she realized that it had very little. She was alive and nothing anybody could say or think could hurt her. The pain, yes it was unavoidable, but it was more than tolerable when she considered it not as an attack in terms of sexuality, but just harm inflicted from one person to another, carrying only what value she gave it. She told the social worker that since she cut out all social and psychological perception to what she was experiencing, she knew it was no different than a severe punch to the face, and it was the meaning of the act that was more dangerous than the act itself.

She said that her virginity had been taken in the process but that she didn’t mind, because it was up to her as to what that meant. Even if that was her first sexual experience, that didn’t mean it was her last, and it didn’t mean that every other time in her future couldn’t be with someone she loved. Yes, it had happened, and she could never change that, but when she said that there was no reason to let her affect her life, I knew that she wasn’t in denial or trying to hide from what had happened. She had truly mastered her trauma, even while it was happening, and she knew that the only true harm was when she gave the event meaning.

Last I heard, she transferred out of state and does volunteer work at women’s shelters, teaching them out to take the power out of their pasts and see themselves and only themselves, and not society or its labels.”

Tyler gave a sad smile and took a deep breath, as if he was on the verge of crying. “So she was ok with what happened?”

“Yes, because that is how she chose to see herself and what happened to her. She chose what she felt, what it meant to her, and how it affected her, and with that self-control, she was able to keep it from having any effect on her.”

“Did she forgive her rapist?” Tyler then asked.

“Yes. He was forgiven after caught for another crime,” Jack said, giving one final nod and then walking away, leaving Tyler alone in the campus.

——————————————————

“Three more days, then we have the night of our lives,” Victoria purred in Jack’s ear.

It was the fourth day since their promise, and the new couple was eating lunch in the corner of the school cafeteria. The cafeteria was situated in the gymnasium, with individual tables instead of long benches. As expected, the cavernous room was practically shaking with the collective roar of a hundred conversations, so Jack and Victoria had tried to find the quietest spot.

“You have certainly lost your shyness around boys, and with much enthusiasm, I might add. It seems that upon discovering the new world of male-female relationships, you’ve gained an insatiable desire to explore it.”

“Good and bad only exist through human perception, in the end, there is only matter and energy.”

“Really? You seem to loathe violence, though.”

“Well I— Oh, Kelly. It’s nice to see you,” Jack began before being interrupted by the girl’s silent arrival. She had a tray of food in her hands and was nervously biting her lip.

“Do you think I could have lunch with you? I mean, I don’t want to intrude.”

“No, we’d be happy to have you. Right, Victoria?”

Victoria gained a wide smile that was as fake as a porn star’s tits and had daggers shooting from her eyes. “Sure, have a seat.”

As Kelly sat down, Jack began speaking. “Victoria just asked me how I can hate violence when I don’t believe in either good or bad. In truth, the concepts of good and bad exist only as long as there is a mind to give them meaning.”

“But then why do you help people if you don’t believe in good?” Kelly asked.

“Like I said, they only exist as long as there is a mind to give them meaning. However, down at the atomic level, there is no such thing as a negative or positive outside of protons and electrons. There is no such thing as luck or misfortune in this material universe, it is only how they are perceived that they are giving meaning and worth. I see the lives of people not as trails of misfortune that need a helping hand, but as unfilled potential that I can cultivate. I see an incomplete life that I can hopefully christen by granting them the ability to understand themselves, for it is from the Self that all happiness is born. It is not people or events that make us happy, but the value we add to them that stoke the fires of happiness within our hearts, so if you can uncover the Self, then you can control the source of happiness.

I do good things simply because I choose to. No good deed can be performed without a cost to oneself, even if it is a single calorie burned while opening a door for someone. However, while I am aware of that fact, I look beyond that unavoidable cost as to what it means on the grander scale. And like I said, good and bad are human constructs, so is it not a social positive to do whatever you can to make others happy? Even if our concepts of positive and negative are nothing but a metaphysical speck in the entirety of creation, that ideal is it’s own realm with it’s own values while still maintaining the laws of creation. By that fact, if making people happy is an infinitely small sliver of the goings on in the universe, does that make it any less real?”

Made the two women smile in admiration and adoration.

‘He may not be the same Jack as in my dreams,’ Kelly thought, ‘but that doesn’t matter. As long as what I perceive to be Jack is helpful, then Jack is, in fact, helping me, even if he isn’t aware of it.’

“So Victoria, Kelly, do you two know each other?”

“Well we’ve been in this school system for years, so of course we know each other. But this has been the first time we’ve ever really sat down together and talked. I guess we’ve always just had different interests and hobbies.”

The last sentence was spoken with clear spite, turning Kelly’s smile into a smirk.

“Yeah, we were just too different people. I was a loner and she always needed to have her friends at all times. It was just an issue of who would have gotten more out of who,” Kelly said smugly.

Victoria fake smile almost began to twitch. “Well I wouldn’t really call it needing my friends at all times. I just like being with people who made me happy and I was never TOO eager to please the boys. What about you Kelly, do you have any friends? Other than boyfriends I mean?”

“I’ll have you know that Jack has become a good friend of mine. I’m on good terms with all the guys I’ve hung out with,” counter Kelly, causing the blood to drain from Victoria’s face as she turned to Jack.

“Jack, tell me you didn’t…”

“Don’t worry sweetheart, I just gave him a welcome-back blowjob. I’m sure you can handle the rest,” Kelly said smugly as she started eating her lunch.

Her face flushed with anger, Victoria got up and stormed out of the cafeteria.

“I would have preferred you didn’t do that,” Jack muttered, deflating Kelly’s ego.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. Look, I didn’t want to do it either, it’s just that… when someone is pushing you, you HAVE to get the last word.”

“It’s ok, I’m sure Victoria won’t be mad at me for too long.”

“She will if you don’t go after her! Seriously, what are you still doing here?”

“Oh, right. Well, Kelly, it was still nice having lunch with you.”

“I got to hand it to him, he sure knows how to keep his cool,” Kelly chuckled as Jack ran off.

——————————————————

Victoria was pacing back and forth in front of the school, muttering to herself while blushing with anger. Victoria turned as she heard the door opening, expecting it to be a teacher telling her that she had to come back inside, but instead was face to face with Jack. This was actually the first time she had ever seen him without a smile.

“You’re angry,” he said.

“Yes, I’m angry!” She exclaimed as he walked over.

“Please, speak your mind.”

Victoria inhaled, trying to pick the words she’d need. “I never expected you to be the guy who’d pay fifty bucks to get sucked off by a whore. It looks like you’re not the kind of guy I thought you were. Everyone knows the kind of stuff she does, she’s the biggest whore in school! She’s had sex with more than three quarters of all the boys in school and gave blowjobs to almost all of them! She basically hunts freshmen so that she can get them off before they learn about her.”

“Actually it was twenty bucks, and I paid her to talk, not for oral sex. She called me over while I was walking home and she began talking to me. When I started asking questions, she got defensive and told me to leave. I wanted to keep talking her, I saw an opportunity to be of help. I gave her twenty dollars to continue talking to me and pulled me behind the gas station. I told her that she didn’t have to do it if she didn’t want to, but she insisted. She said, and I quote “Call it the obligation of a slut.” I would have preferred if she didn’t.”

“But you didn’t exactly push her off, did you?” Victoria reluctantly said, with much of her fire gone.

“Kelly has been living with an identity crisis for her entire life, she uses sex to try and fill the void in her life from not knowing who she is by focusing on someone else. She’s similar to a chameleon that is unaware of its original color. I didn’t stop her because I knew it was the only time she would lower her defenses. She would need to open herself up mentally so that she could feel connected, and only then would my words have any real effect on her. If I hurt you, I am sincerely sorry. I simply wanted to help her.”

Victoria thought back to when Jack had faced off with Tyler, how he had offered to serve as a punching bag.

“You would really do anything to help someone, no matter what? I guess I should expect that from you, even when getting a blowjob from someone, you do it in order to help someone else,” she said with tears beginning to roll from her eyes.

Jack lifted her chin and wiped away her tears. “Why are you really angry?”

“Why should I tell you? You probably already know. That’s your talent, right?”

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close with her face buried in his chest. “Indeed I do, but if you don’t admit to it and face it, it will continue to eat away at you and build resentment in your heart. Please, let’s settle this now.”

‘This… this is the same way he held me in my dream…’ she realized, feeling words rising within her and sudden clarity within her mind. “I was mad because I wanted to be your first. I was terrified this would happen, that I would be petrified like in middle school and unable to stop some other girl from getting you before me. Then on your first day, you get snatched by the worst of them all.”

“I’m sorry, Victoria, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Please, just promise me that from now on, you won’t do anything like this again. As long as we’re together, don’t kiss, have sex with, or get a blowjob from any other women, even if it is to help them.”

“You know, when you say it like that, it really makes me sound like an asshole. Very well, Victoria, I promise to do my best not to cheat on you,” he said, making her laugh.

“Well, I’m sorry for overreacting. I just really care about you Jack, it’s only been four days and I think I love you.”

“Thank you. Just please, be nice to Kelly. She’s a changed person and I’m trying to help her.”

——————————————————

“I was hoping to have another dream like this,” Victoria murmured, opening her eyes and looking out across the starless space. She was lying on an invisible surface, the same surface in which Jack was walking across to reach her.

He crouched down beside her a brushed a lock of her scarlet hair out of her angelic face. “Victoria, my Victoria, have far have you come in understanding yourself?”

She reached up and clutched his hand as he stroked her cheek. “I have been thinking about what you said in that other dream, and I’ve been asking myself over and over again why it has taken me so long to develop feelings for someone.”

“And what have you come up with?”

“I’m afraid to be hurt by others… but it’s more than that. I’m afraid to love and be loved by a man and be in a romantic and physical relationship. But I don’t know why I’m so afraid.”

“But then why do you love me?”

“Because you’re different. You’re kinder and wiser than anyone I’ve ever met. I don’t understand you, but I’ve never felt safer with anyone else.”

“But you love your friends and you have so many of them. Why are you so quick to be open with them, but normally so hesitant about opening up to a man?”

Victoria bit her lip and pondered the question, delving deep into her subconscious for the answer. “It’s because you don’t understand people, isn’t it?” Victoria’s eyes widened as a small flash of light popped in her mind, like the retrieval of a lost memory that she had been searching for agonizingly. “You’ve never quite felt at home with people, but you are a social person. You use your friends as a never-ending psychology and sociology experiment, studying them like animals so that you can integrate with them and understand them. You are open with your friends and family because you see it as a way to delve deeper into their world, to get a better chance to truly know what it is like to be one of them. You feel like an alien studying humans, thrilled when they finally let you into their society. However, you are afraid to get romantically involved, because you still don’t feel completely comfortable around them. You are afraid to let something so different enter so deep into your heart.

That’s why you love me, because my kindness creates a safe environment for your heart to truly reveal itself. You see me as different from everyone else, just like you, and because you see us both as not fitting into the human demographic, you believe us to be one in the same. This is why you’ve never had any sexual feelings for anyone but me, because you feel like I am the only one who you can truly love and be loved by. When I left, that is when you developed your insatiable habit or self-pleasure, because you needed to unleash those sexual desires in some direction, but with me gone, there was no one left but yourself. It wasn’t narcissism, it was unfamiliarity with the idea of being with others and being uncomfortable with guys.”

Victoria took a shuddering breath once he was done speaking, feeling like a key had just been unlocked in her mind and revealing a colossal truth that had always been right in front of her, but that she had never been aware of.

“You’re right, you’re completely right. But what should I do?”

“You must find out what it is that makes you feel different from others. In truth, everyone is an individual, but the only real divisions we face are the ones we create ourselves…”

Around them, sparks of light began to appear in the darkness, solidifying into a starry sky with streaks of colored dust and gas stretching out across all of creation in the form of galaxies and nebulae.

“Life is a unique thing, it is a form of energy seen in no other aspect of existence. We are all made of atoms with each and every occurrence in our bodies being a chemical or electrical reaction. And yet, there is something else that makes life what it is, what makes it unique to all the planets and stars that float in the vacuum of space. But even with how special it is, all life is undeniably the same. We all have the same energy, the same worth, the same value, and the same path to death.

Even across the universe with every planet that can support organisms, life is really no different than what it is to us. We are all made of the same matter, the same energy. The only differences are the ones we create through our own perception and opinions. No two humans are exactly alike, no two dogs are exactly alike, no two insects are exactly alike, and no two bacteria are exactly alike. We are all individuals, but we all fit together into the category of life, all of us essentially the same unless we wish to be.

Victoria, you see yourself as different from others because your parameters are small. But if you look out across the grandest scale that your mind can comprehend, then you’ll see that you are no different than the ants beneath your feet. We are all living, does anything else matter? If you can fully accept this and find out what caused you to erect barriers around yourself in the first place, then you will be on your way to discovering your Self.”

“Alright, I’ll do that. But before this dream ends, can you do me one favor?”

“Of course, what?”

Smiling sweetly, Victoria reached up and placed her hand on Jack’s cheek. “Make love to me. I know I agreed with the real Jack that we’d wait seven days, but I want to turn this dream into a fantasy.”

Jack smiled and kissed her. “I’d love to.”

Without separating her lips from his, Victoria lied out on her back and Jack moved on top of her, suspending himself over her while their tongues danced and swirled around each other. The two of them humming in arousal, Jack slowly reached down and slipped his hand underneath Victoria’s nightgown, pulling it up and revealing her white panties, already damp from her excitement. One handed, Jack slowly and gently removed the lingerie, sliding it down her long smooth thighs before she gently kicked it off. Just like in real life, Victoria’s slit was mostly devoid of hair, save for the porn star landing strip.

Excited and yet shy, Victoria had her legs closed with her thighs rubbing against each other, shaking all over as Jack placed his hand on her flat belly and moved it down, running his middle and ring finger along the lips of her pussy. Victoria nearly arched her back from that simple touch, overjoyed at the feeling of finally having someone else touch her down there. Jack moved his fingers back and forth, stroking the two soft lips teasingly and driving her wild with excitement. Were they not kissing, she would beg him to go farther.

As if reading her mind, Jack moved his fingers, this time with the ring and index moving up the lips with his middle finger running between them, gently stroking the entrance to her insides while rubbing her clitoris with his thumb. With the seconds ticking by, Jack’s fingers picked up in speed and strength with their movements, sending waves of erotic bliss through Victoria’s body as all of the right spots were hit in perfect sequence.

‘I guess this proves that he really is just a figment of my imagination, he knows how to get me going just as well as I do,’ Victoria thought as Jack inserted his middle finger into her pussy, drawing a moan of euphoria as he stirred her insides with each movement of his hand. Even though she had spent countless hours fingering herself, Jack’s fingers felt so much bigger and stronger. It was almost a completely new sensation, like she was already getting fucked.

Going even further, Jack inserted his ring finger as well, working them both inside her while using his index and little finger to continue stimulating the lips. From there, his movements increased in speed and strength, driving Victoria wild with lust while always staying gentle enough so as not to become uncomfortable. It was as if Jack knew what she wanted before she did. Already, Victoria’s inner thighs and Jack’s hand were soaking wet from her juices, which were beginning to drip onto the invisible surface they were laying on. Moving his hand so fast that it was practically a blur, Jack pushed Victoria over the edge and triggered an ecstatic orgasm, causing her to arch her back like an exorcism patient and end their kiss so that she could moan like an opera singer to the swirling universe around them.

“Oh my god,” she panted, “that was the greatest orgasm of my life.”

“Good, I’m glad.”

Smiling, Victoria grasped his wet hand and pulled it up to her face so that she could lick his fingers clean. “Jack, put it in me. I want to feel your cock.”

“Are you sure you don’t want more foreplay?”

Victoria giggled at the suggestion. “Such a gentleman. No, the real Jack and I will do everything for our real first time. I just want something to hold me over until then, and I’m rather curious as to what my imagination will give me.”

Sitting up, the young man undressed while Victoria removed her nightgown and bra, the two of them completely naked in the heart of space. Looking down upon Victoria’s beautiful body, Jack was rock-hard and ready to burst with excitement, though he kept it hidden behind his calm smile. She was so gorgeous, practically radiant with beauty and youth and burning with adolescent sexuality. He had to be careful, for under no circumstances did he want her to be harmed. Victoria on the other hand was unable to restrain herself, and was writhing teasingly as she looked at Jack’s erect member. Once again holding himself over her, Jack wrapped one arm around Victoria and used his free hand to guide his manhood to the moist lips of her slit. Feeling the warm head pressed against her virgin pussy, Victoria trembled in excitement. Never before had anyone touched her there or in such a way, and even if this was just a dream, even if she would wake up and her body would be exactly the same, this was still her first time.

“Jack, I love you,” she murmured, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“I love you too, Victoria,” he whispered in her ear while slowly pushing his phallus inside her.

Immediately, Victoria began panting heavily and gagging in a mix of pleasure and pain as he entered her. No matter how long or hard she had fingered herself, she had never been able to achieve a filling sensation like this. She always worried that she was leaving her pussy too loose with how long she pleasured herself, but with this, she had no idea she was this tight! She felt like he was going to split her open! But every time she was about to say stop or slow down, Jack would obey her before she could even form the words in her mind. Jack didn’t grunt, moan, or wince as he worked himself into her. Regardless of how tight she was, he truly felt like he was seeing her true self, and it was beautiful.

“Here it comes,” Jack warned, reaching her hymen.

“Do it, baby,” Victoria whispered, holding onto him for dear life.

With one gentle yet undeniably powerful shove, Jack forced his entire cock into her pussy, tearing her hymen and burying his cock in her up to the base. Victoria hollered out to the starry sky from the deflowering, but as soon as it had happened, the pain melted away. For the first time in her life, she felt truly linked to someone, truly bound. Just by penetrating her body, she felt like Jack had penetrated her very soul and he could feel him within her. She felt like she belonged to him, and she felt impatient in the sudden need to do this in real life. She wanted to feel it, she wanted to give her true physical self to him and become his. She wanted her soul to merge with the real Jack’s.

Pulling out, Jack revealed a layer of blood on the shaft of his penis, glistening like liquid rubies from Victoria’s lost virginity, and with the slow removal, Victoria released her held breath. Jack then pushed himself back into her, drawing a deep grunt from Victoria as he once again stuffed her. Moving back and forth, Jack began thrusting into Victoria with a steady rhythm, shaking her and pushing her back each time he worked himself into her. The breathing of the two teenagers was heavy as they took the position inscribed into their very genes, moving back and forth in sexual harmony.

Now used to the feeling of Jack inside her, Victoria spread her legs and wrapped them around his waist, granting him better access. Swinging his lower body forward to continue fucking her, Jack leaned down and they locked lips, kissing sensually with their tongues in each other’s mouths. Quickly Jack began to pick up speed as per Victoria’s unknown desire and was forced to end their kiss. Holding himself up above her, Jack continued thrusting into her while the two lovers just stared into each other’s eyes and panted in each other’s faces.

“Jack, I’m going to cum. Do it with me.”

“Alright.” he replied, stabilizing his speed and thrusting into her at a steady but strong rate.

Each time Jack’s cock slammed the deepest corners of her inside, Victoria could feel that familiar trembling warmth building up in her body and that indescribable pressure, while Jack worked to contain himself, waiting for Victoria to break the threshold so that he could join her.

Finally, Victoria released a euphoric moan as the floodgates of pleasure were opened, signaling for Jack to release his reserves, As Victoria’s pussy grabbed his cock and flooded it with her juices, Jack fired jet after jet of semen into her, pouring every single drop he had. Both of them empty, Victoria became limp and Jack lowered himself to catch his breath while being careful not to put his weight on her. Nearly delirious from her orgasm, Victoria stared up into the starry sky, gazing at the clouds of rainbow dust and gas and the swirling galaxies, all surrounded by pinpricks of twinkling light.

“This is heaven,” she panted.

“If that is how you see it, then indeed it is.”

“Thank you, thank you for everything.”

Jack held himself back up and kissed her one last time. “Thank you for letting me make you happy.”

Victoria’s eyes bolted open and the feel of her pillow and sheets told her immediately that she was back in bed with her hand between her legs and her pussy practically shaking from multiple orgasms. With a smiling blush, she fluffed her pillow and settled in, exhausted from making love.

——————————————————

In his room, Jack smiled and opened his eyes. “Victoria, you truly have a beautiful soul. Thank you. Now, I should see how Kelly is doing.”

——————————————————

Kelly was lying in darkness, curled up in a fetal position and sobbing harder than ever in her life. Jack was standing behind her, devoid of his usual smile.

“You didn’t tell me it would hurt this bad!”

Taking a deep breath, Jack sat down and placed his hand on her shoulder. “You tried to meditate when you were alone in your room, you tried to find your center, where all of your pain was going. When you finally found it, every act you’ve committed suddenly slammed against your mind, unleashing years of pent-up guilt and shame. Until now, you never really felt those things because you had not established an identity to feel harm. Now that you’ve become aware of who you really are, it’s like a whole life’s worth of memories has suddenly come crashing back. The only reason why you’re here now is because you cried yourself to sleep.”

“All those things, all those horrible things, what kind of twisted freak am I?! I’m just a disgusting whore that should die from an overdose!”

“No, Kelly, there is nothing wrong with you. You can no more be blamed for the things you did than an amnesiac not recognizing his family. You were trying to save yourself, it was your coping mechanism to deal with the hole in your heart created by not knowing who you were. Don’t be ashamed of your past, for nothing you have done can leap through time and harm you unless you let it. Move forward Kelly, you’ve seen the error in your ways and are trying to recreate who you are. Doesn’t that make up for your mistakes? Doesn’t that deserve you giving yourself a second chance at a new life?”

“I hate myself, I should just die.”

“If you hate yourself, then that means you desire change and finally have the ability to do so. Is this not the greatest opportunity to finally turn your life around and become a new person? Kelly, events shape who we are, but only because we react to them and define them. Some might not even acknowledge what would traumatize others because of how they view it and themselves. If you can change your view of your past, then you can change who you are in your present and future.”

“How? How can I ever live with what I’ve done? How can I ever look at myself in the mirror without wanting to throw up and slit my wrists?”

“By finding your Self. Right now you have expanded your world to become vulnerable to your perception, just like with everyone else, but your view is still too small for you to see the grander scheme and the truth of yourself. If you can find your Self, then you will understand everything and will be able to control what you feel. Before, you were basically lying on the ocean floor like a stone, now you are floating in limbo, but in order to be happy, you must swim to the surface and breathe the fresh air. Find your Self, and you will see your past for what it really is.”

“And what is that?”

“It is whatever you make of it.”

Kelly slowly sat up but with her back to him. “But how am I supposed to find my Self? I don’t even know who I am, other than a disgusting whore and a drug addict. Why shouldn’t I just kill myself as soon as I wake up.”

Sighing, Jack stood up and walked past her. “Now is not the time to speak of life and death. If you want to kill yourself, that is your choice and I will never judge you. However, before you end your life, shouldn’t you do so only after you’ve fully understood the life you are taking? Don’t you owe it to yourself to truly know everything that makes you who you are before you end your life?”

“But I don’t know how…” she said, drawing fresh tears.

“Then to help you, I shall give you two gifts.”

Hovering in the empty space before them, a diagram of light appeared, about the size of a tennis court. It consisted of eleven circles, five in a vertical line with a vertical line of three on each side. Each circle had three or more bridges connecting it to the ones closest to it so that it formed a symmetrical web. However, the last circle only had one bridge, leading up to the circle directly above it. Moving down, the circles read Keter, Chokmah, Binah, Da’at, Hesed, Gevurah, Tiferet, Netzah, Hod, Yesod, and Malkuth.

“This is the Kabbalah, also known as the Tree of Life. You could say it is one of the first schools of thought, originally adopted into Judaism, and used to describe the path to God and to explain the creation of everything. It is essentially the root of all religion. However, it also serves as a good map to enlightenment, and that is why it is one of my favorite pieces of art and ideals. I see it not as the property of one religion, but the key to the mind.

The first Sephirot, Keter, means crown. It refers to all things outside of human comprehension, be it the divine or just the size of the universe. If you can understand how little you truly understand and appreciate your place in the universe, you achieve it. The second, Chokmah, means wisdom and is associated in the soul with the power of intuitive insight, flashing lightning-like across consciousness. Binah, understanding, ideas set to form. Da’at, an unofficial Sephirot on the Tree of Life, could be considered the Self’s place in the universe. It is the origin of physical creation, as opposed to the previous sephirot, which are entirely spiritual and intellectual.

Hesed, kindness and love, the active principle initiating action. Gevurah, strength, the ability to move forward into the future. Tiferet, beauty, the ability to see the light in everything. Netzah, victory. It is leadership, perseverance, and endurance putting higher concepts into action. Hod, submission, is the ability to see value and know your own value. Yesod, foundation, is the cornerstone and the balance to all the sephirots. Malkuth, kingship, is physical existence and expressing the concepts of all the sephirot feeding into it.

Use this to figure out your path to nirvana and what the Self is.”

“And the other gift?” she asked with the entire speech having just completely gone through one ear and come out the other.

Smiling, Jack walked over to her and got down on one knee in front of her. “I will cure you of all the scars of your past life, both from your addictions and your former profession, so that you may start anew.”

He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead.

Kelly bolted up in bed, gasping for air and covered in sweat. Wait, something was different, she felt… better, a lot better. Her whole body felt weightless and drained of a pain she hadn’t even been noticing. Her withdrawal symptoms, they were gone! Turning on her bedside lamp and getting out of bed, she walked over to the mirror in her room and stared at her reflection, in awe of the sight that greeted her. All the damage that hard drugs had done to her face and body were completely gone; her hair looked like a model’s in a shampoo commercial, her skin was a healthy tan and tight and smooth with youth, her eyes, teeth, and nails had regained their original color, he nose had lost of all of its cocaine scars, and her arms were completely devoid of injection bruises. She was completely cured of everything she had done to herself, to the point where it looked like none of it had ever happened.

With tears of joy rolling down her face, Kelly fell to her knees and cried. She had her beauty back, her life back, her self-esteem back. Jack had said that he would cure her of the damage from her addictions and former profession, which meant that her STDs were gone as well, and maybe even her virginity had returned. Not only that, but he had given her information that she had never known or heard before. What had been happening in her mind weren’t dreams, they were real, all of it completely real. Jack, whoever or whatever he was, he had been helping her all this time, both in her mind and outside it as the same person.

——————————————————

“Tyler Deck, I see you have made some progress,” Jack said, walking across the black dreamscape to the senior, sitting on the invisible ground.

“Not really. No matter how much I think about everything I’ve been told, I can’t get the sight of my sister being violated out of my mind, I can’t stop hearing her screams. She was raped and murdered and I didn’t protect her. She suffered an agonizing and humiliating death and it’s all my fault. I could do nothing but watch and listen as one of our attackers pinned me to the ground. I was too weak to keep her safe, too cowardly to save her. Besides, I don’t see how talking back to a dream is going to help me.”

“Even after all that you’ve learned, you fail to see the value in the words of a dream? Tyler, if this truly is a dream, then doesn’t that mean you are having a conversation directly with your subconscious? Is this not the greatest source of guidance that you can find?” Jack asked, holding his arms out to his sides.

“It’s not real.”

Jack lowered his smile, knowing that he could no longer be passive with this. “It’s only not real because you don’t want it to be real. You are afraid of confronting your subconscious because you loathe yourself. You hide from yourself, not wanting to face the truth. You say you were pinned down, and if multiple culprits mugged you, then they were probably armed. You were thirteen, you and your sister didn’t stand a chance against them. Even if you had managed to get enough adrenalin pumping through your veins to free yourself from the grip of one of your attackers, you would have been unable to save your sister. You would have been killed and she would have been forced to watch you die while she was raped.”

“Shut up!” Tyler yelled.

“There was nothing you could do Tyler, and that is the truth, the truth that you have known all these years but ignored. It wasn’t that you didn’t do anything to help her, it’s that you couldn’t do anything to help her. You wanted someone to blame, something with meaning, something other than the cruelty of your attackers. You had to feel like there was a reason for it to happen, because you couldn’t accept that your sister had been taken without any purpose or meaning.”

“I told you to shut up!” Tyler roared, getting up and grabbing Jack by the collar.

“Do you know why rape victims will at times believe that what happened to them was their fault? It is because they ask themselves what could have been done to prevent their attack. Could they have screamed louder, fought back harder, or just made some other decision? You are the same way; you had to believe that something could have been changed. That is the source of your fear of losing power, the first power; the power to have done something in the past.

You need to feel like you had power at one time or another, that it is better to have power taken away from you than to never have it at all. It is your safety net against the idea that anything can happen at any reason, that life is unfair, that sometimes you can be nothing but the victim. You hate yourself because you want to feel like you had the capability to do something to help your sister. You want to feel like you at least had a chance, that someone or something gave you the opportunity to fight. But instead, there was nothing. No god or angels have a plan for your, there is only the material world and what you perceive to be luck. That is your greatest fear, that you have no power in any aspect of your life, and that everything that happens is brought on without any reason or purpose.”

With shaky hands, Tyler let go of Jack’s collar. The words had struck him, finally hitting a nerve. In Tyler’s mind, he was mulling over Jack’s words and feeling it untangling years of strangled thoughts.

“It is a problem of reliance, you need someone or something to serve as a scapegoat, a buffer zone between you and an event in which you are protected by the ability to do something or can be used to explain away that event as “I could have done something”. You need to feel like there is some kind of plan for you, be it God’s or someone else’s. You need to feel like there is some sympathetic mind that wants things to be fair for you. You are terrified of being left entirely alone to your own devices, completely unprotected from the mindless occurrences of the universe. You need life to follow the rules, for things to be fair, for there to be a chance where you can change what happens. But in truth, there is nothing you can do.”

Tyler turned away, shaking from head to toe. Thinking back through his entire life, he could see the “buffer zone” that Jack had mentioned. He could see how at the core of everything, good and bad, his perception had relied on the believed fact that God or karma or something with some semblance of care was looking out for him in this unforgiving world.

“What am I supposed to do? Just accept that I’m the universe’ bitch?”

Jack regained his smile and held out his hand, summoning forth an encompassing view of space with stars and galaxies swirling around them, above them, and below them. “You are no more helpless than the rest of life and every atom in the universe. In truth, we are all under the control of time, and in a sense, powerless. Everything that occurs is predestined, scheduled in the flow of time before the event even takes place. Every chemical reaction, every transference of energy, every movement and thought, all are the one and only path of time. The future is set in stone.”

“So what, every decision is meaningless? Life is completely devoid of purpose?”

“Quite the contrary. Just because something is guaranteed by time to happen, doesn’t mean it happens on its own. Everything that happens can only happen when every variable is at the perfect point. Let’s say you are deciding which college you are going to attend. In reality, the choice has already been made as dictated by time. It is the decision you make, therefore it is the only decision you could have made. It is the singular reality that nothing can deviate from. However, before you consciously made that choice, time required that you think it over thoroughly and evaluate everything you know. It is required that you make this choice, for you can not wonder which college you will attend and arrive at that college without having picked it. The choice you made was inevitable and unavoidable, but it could only be made because you had the proper mental comprehension to have been able to make the choice.

Everything that happens in reality is because of time, but time relies on reality in order for the variables to inevitably fall in place.”

“So you’re saying that everything that happens only happens because it is possible?”

“Exactly. Every event in the universe has an infinite number of variables, and with each and every event, the variables change so as to support the current event. An event WILL occur, but only because it is the one and only possible path, as designated by all the variables. Imagine there is a building under construction, and according to time itself, that building WILL be completed by a certain date, as dictated by the maximum efficiency outcomes. Now, since that is true, you can be guaranteed that there will be no late deliveries of supplies, no mistakes in the creation, and no disturbances in the plan. According to time, that building will be completed, but it will require the materials and engineers without question. The building won’t just be “completed” with the top five floors missing because time said it would be completed on that date.”

“So does that mean it is possible for someone to see the future?”

“Only if that person was meant to see the future. If someone has a vision about the future, that is only because they were meant to, as according to the script of time. If they take that information and use it to change the future, then what they saw wasn’t really the future, and what they are doing to change what they thought is the future is actually allowing the true future to take place, as dictated by time. Time itself is simultaneous, everything occurring at the exact same moment. Both beginning and end at a single point in time. Since organisms are the only things that are actually aware of time and all time is simultaneous, then perhaps organisms have the ability to look out across all of time, or just witness a fake prediction.”

“All right, so what does this have to do with me and my sister?”

Jack turned back to him. “We’ve already established that you have a fear of having absolutely no control over reality, and through the reality of time itself, we can prove that fact. Tyler, what happened to you and your sister was literally unavoidable as dictated by time. You believe you could have fought them off or even made a pre-emptive situation, but since that didn’t occur, it wasn’t possible. What transpired on that night was the one and only path of reality, nothing else could have happened. Your sister was meant to die. There was no meaning, no divine being with a personal opinion as to the cruelty of rape or how your life should be fair. What happened was just a destined occurrence, no more unique than the destined chemical reactions taking place between every single atom. This conversation we are having now was in fact unavoidable, since it is in fact taking place.

Tyler, you must come to accept this fact. Every thought passing through your mind while listening to me was inevitable as dictated by time. You must realize that it is impossible for any other alternate outcome to take place, that in any event, there is something that you could have or should have done. What happened was unavoidable, and even the simplest alternatives were ultimately impossible to achieve. In the end, if you do something that will have an outcome, then that outcome was guaranteed. Never again wonder if there was something you should have or could have done, because the fact that you did what you did means that there were no alternatives, Even while mulling over the decision to do something, every thought that enters your mind was already predestined for the inevitable decision you make.

This is what you must do. However, I think I’ve made it clear that whatever you do, whether you do it or not, was what you were meant to do. Now, time to wake up. It is a new day, and the world has changed more than you would believe.”

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