I just think its cold as fuck…

I’m driving down I’m driving west on 290, toward the western side of downtown, to my office. I take a cigarette out of my pack on the passenger’s seat. Using the zippo lighter my father gave to me on his death bed, I light up. It’s 8:53 and my office is closed, but it’s a good place to be if you wanna get drunk and be alone.

This girl, Nancy, keeps calling me.

I met her in a bar a week, maybe 9 or 10 days, ago. Anyway, we hit it off, or so she thinks, and she wants to get something started. Married? I used to be married, but my wife left me; spent too much time away from her, and one night i came home smelling like cheat whiskey and soggy pussy… Some kinda sob story, huh?

Anyway that was 4 years ago, when i was 38.

I may not be a spring chicken, but I can hold my own and drink just about any joker under the table. Did I mention I can fuck any dame from here to Johannesburg and back? That’s why Nancy fell for me… that’s why my wife fell for me… I guess I just ain’t the kinda guy who can be with one broad forever.

Anyway, back to the story at hand. I’m nearing my office building, a place where i rent a room next to some jerk that teaches limbless children pottery, and on the other side is some bitch with a ruler obsession(seriously the bitch measures everything) and across the hall is some white collar teacher’s tutoring class for the freaks and rejects.

I’m room 36; 3rd door on the left on the 3rd floor. I park on the side of a nearly deserted street when I get there, and by now my cigarette is nearly burning my lips. I’ve been mulling over when my friend(if you can call him that) Johnny Figgs said earlier that day: “Dead guys don’t talk… and they sure don’t shoot… Watch your back Morty”

He told me this because I’ve been working on a case that involves some fucknuts hiring me to spy on his wife. As luck would have it she’s fucking some Italian guy who not only has an 8 inch dick, but is also smuggling loads of cocaine from somewhere outta state.

When i confronted the dame: “Why are you fuckin’ around with this shit weasle? You’re gonna get in a big mess of trouble?”

She told me: “He’s just a guy, When i met him I didn’t know he was into that junk.”
“Why are you fucking around anyway?” I asked her.
“My husband’s privates are about a 3rd the size of Vincent’s.”
“Well how big is Vinny?” I asked just outta sheer curiosity.
“8 and 1/2 inches.” she told me with a smug look, just before lighting her cigarette.

In retrospect I wonder what that girl would’a done if I told her i had a 10 and a half inch demon lurking in my trousers. Anyhow a few days after I got to talk to her Vinny, or one of his thugs, left a note for me: “Don’t mess around in our business, or you’ll find your self in a pine box.” it was scribbled in what looked like a kid’s handwriting.

I told Johnny about it, and when he asked what I was gonna do, I told him I was thinking about handing it off to the pros. Johnny didn’t like the sound of that. And the 8 and 1/2 inch dick comment made him cross his legs too.

Getting down to business. When I step off the elevator I count the steps to my office door; these are the last sober steps I’ll take for the the rest of the night, even the couple steps I use on the gas pedal in my car will be a little woozy.

10 steps then I turn to the right and jam my little golden key in the door. The entire building seems empty. I take one last look up and down the hallway before I step inside, lock the door, and draw the blinds down over the windows.

I walk through the darkness and pull the cord to the the small lamp on my desk, *ka-chink* and she sets a dim blaze on the room. I know, soon, that blaze’ll be in my belly.

I sit down in the hard wooden chair behind my desk, I pull a bottle of Johnny Walker and an unopened pack of filterless out of the left side drawer. I pull the foil off of the top of the bottle and unscrew the cap. I take a wiff of that golden nectar and *boom* *boom* there’s a knock at the door.

Shit, I think to myself and screw the lid back on the bottle. I put my hand inside my jacket, on my revolver and ask “Whose there?” to the door in a harsh voice. A woman’s voice answers “A client.”
My mind jumps to that shrimps wife, waiting out there with Vinny and his boys, and a bead of sweat hits my eyebrow; but I wipe that drop away knowing this voice is a little more stiff, not as mellow as the size-queen’s.

I keep my hand on the gun and move around the desk, toward the door. I peak through the blinds and instead of seeing a big gangster and his boys I see a sweet looking little woman in a tight blue dress.

I unlock the door and say “The office is closed.”
“I’ll just take a minute of your time.” she tells me.
“How’d did you know I was here?” I ask.
“I’ve been waiting for you all day.” she says.
I take a look at her. My father always told if the devil came for me he’d be dressed as a woman with big tits and a nice ass… And if this is the devil then my soul be damned.

“Alright.” I tell her, beckoning for her to come in, and easing my grip on the gun.

I move to the other side of the desk and light up a cigarette. “Whiskey?” I offer motioning to the bottle, and she nods; so i take two tumblers out of the drawer on the left. “I haven’t got any ice.” i tell her pouring our glasses straight. She tells me I’m fine and then takes the glass from me.

She takes a sip while I ask her what she needs from a private dick like me. She starts off by telling me she has no money, never a good start. But it gets better when she starts getting frisky, offer another form of payment. “I can give you one of a night” she offers.

Now comes my dilemma: sex can’t pay the rent or but the beer, but it can ease the tension.

Let’s face it, in my line of work, we’re all as tense as our trigger fingers.

I take my jacket off and she moves for my buttons. She keeps those baby blue eyes on me, but i can’t help but look at the bright red, pouty lips. Her pitch black hair nicely frames her pale skin and slender jaw line, and that red in that white nearly gives me a hardon all on it’s own.

My jacket and shirt are lying on that wooden chair and I’m resting my ass on my desk while she unbuttons my pants and pulls them off along with my shorts. She takes the pants down and brings her head up and her eyes widen when she sees my dick. “That’s the biggest one I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” she tells me with her jaw nearly on the floor, but I’ve heard that before so I tell her: “It’s not even hard babe, it’s gonna get bigger.”

She grabs it gently with her right hand, which doesnt even wrap all the way around it. So she decides it’s a job for two and starts using her left aswell. She’s moving her hands up and down it, getting used to it before she sticks it in her mouth.

After a little bit of tongue and cheek she asks me how big it is, but i tell her I’ve lost count over the years. So she pulls a ruler out of her purse and lays it across the top of my rigid gun barrel. “1/8th of an inch under 11 inches.” she tell me, her eyes getting wider and wider.

“Don’t worry about it baby, If you like it I got a friend with a 12 inch dick I’ll introduce you to.” I tell her to ease her down.
“Really?” she asks.
“Yea.”
“Would you both fuck me at the same time?”
“I don’t know, let’s get this thing going and we’ll see if we even like eachother, alright?” I tell her.
And that’s all the get up and go she needs to stick my dick back in her mouth.

Somewhere along the way with all of her deepthroat attempts and gags she gets her dress off and out of her undergarments. And before too much longer after that shes on all fours on my desk, asking me to cram it in her pussy.

I’m not won to keep a lady waiting, so I spit on the end of my dick and ease it in. The moans this woman lets out makes my think of a damned banshee, but between the ooh’s and ahh’s there’s a few that’s a huge dick’s and jesus christ it’s tearing me’s, So I enjoy it all the same.

I fuck her nice and slow for about a half of an hour before i get into the rhythm of it all and start pounding as deep as I can. I can get a good 7 or 8 inches in before I ram into her cervix, but she doesn’t seem to mind. She also doesn’t seem to mind my slapping her big round ass, so I can watch it jiggle.

After a while I flip her on her back and give her the old in-out while I’m sliding my tongue down her throat, trying to taste what she had for lunch today. Between kisses she’s telling me how great my dick it, how great it feels, how the biggest shes ever had was 4 and 1/2 inches, and how I’m 6 inches longer than that.

When I get back into the swing of fucking I look down to watch my dick sliging in and out of her pussy, and it seems to spread her open beyond belief every time ig et it all the way in; like her pussy was never supposed to take a dick this big.

Soon she gets up and back on all fours, facing me this time, and started licking it again, telling me how wonderful I am, telling me she want’s me to stick it in her ass…

Wait, what?

I have never been asked to do that before in my life… but I’d had to deprive such a pretty slice of pussy.

She turns away from me when I tell her I’ll fuck her ass, and points it up in the air at me; but I wanna get her prepped up, so i start licking her asshole. She enjoys the licking, but is begging me to stick it in he rump, so I oblige.

I put my dick against her asshole and take one last look at how small and pink it is before i tearing my way through, stretching it beyond repair.

There is no way to do the inside of a woman’s asshoel justice, it’s not as nice as a pussy, but there’s a savage satisfaction about it, you know? Like knowing this isn’t the way god intended, but telling him to go fuck himself all the same.

By midnight this girl has cum atleast 20 times, we’ve done every position she could imagine and I’m fucking her in the ass for the 3rd time. I’m about ready to cum, so i give her a warning and she hops up and takes my dick straight from her ass to her mouth and sucks me off for the last 3 seconds just before I blow my man-chowder straight down her pink little throat.

She can’t swallow it all and coughs some back up, well most of it. Her chin and chest along with her stomach are all cover in cum, but she seems happy none the less.

She lays down on the desk while I light a cigarette, and then I ask “So, what’s the job?”

I take a puff and she takes a deep breath, then says “There never was a job.”
I look at her hard for a second and the she says “Don’t I look familiar?”
“From next door?” I ask. “Yea.” is all she says.

I’m thinking to myself… that explains the ruler in her bag…