He pushed it in me.

I know this is a stupid way to start a story but you got to give me
a chance ok. I promise it is important to the story. Stick with me ok.
First things first. My name was Christian and what I was doing right now
was right. I am well aware of that. Before my story is over you may think
I’m dumb as hell. You may think I’m an idiot but don’t judge me just yet

Put yourself in my shoes.

Imagine this?

“Jesus.”

His dick was bigger than I had remembered. Each time we had sex it
felt like his dick grew. We were fucking yes. I mean why else would
another guy’s dick be in me right? It was kind of self explanatory at this
point. Trust me the fuck was good. The fuck was always BOMB. His name
was Ant but that was just a nickname. Trust me there was NOTHING small
about this guy.

“You like it don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Call me daddy.”

I rolled my eyes. Ant always had a this thing about power. It was never
really a turn on for me. Between that and his manly grunting it felt like
I was just a piece of meat a lot of the times. I had to admit the sex was
good but sometimes I wondered. Were we always just having sex? How come
he never took it slow? How come he never made love to me?

“Daddy! Daddy. Can I have a turn?”

There was a pause. Awkward! Ok?

“Wait you want to fuck me?”

“I never got to.”

He laughed a little bit. Ant was beautiful. He was my age but
tended to look a little bit older. His body was on point at all. He had
hair on his chest and and a full goatee. He was bald by choice. I loved
to rub that little bald head of his.

I was shocked when Ant agreed. He still seemed to want to take
control though. He always wanted to take control. He pulled his dick out
of me and threw me on the bed. The sheets were clean and we were about to
dirty them all up.

My dick was already hard when he sat on it. He pushed his fat ass
on me and let out the biggest moan I had ever heard. I was sure Ant had
never been fucked before. I had been playing with his ass for weeks now
however getting him ready. Hell yeah I was preparing him. I had been
meaning to ask him. I was just waiting for the right time. Now was the
right time. He was all worked up and horny after fucking me for so long.
He’d be able to take it.

“How’s that feel?” He asked me.

“You’re SO TIGHT!”

I was only half complaining. The other half was enjoyment. It was
pure enjoyment. He started to ride me once he got comfortable. He started
to rock back and forth. His waist was so small. His ass was so tight.

“Yeah is it good?”

“Yeah?”

“Damn I can’t keep doing this man. I’m going to cum.”

“Cum on me…cum on me.”

It happened quickly. His hands were jerking off his dick. His
face got intense all of a sudden and then he shot his load. It was a lot.
The sticky man juice went all over my face and my chest.

“Fuck I love you,” I said.

I regretted it immediately. I did love him. I think a part of me
always loved Ant. We had known each other for too long. He just looked at
me. He opened his mouth as though he was about to say it back. For a
minute I thought he was going to say it back. He even started to announce
the words but he stopped instead. He just smiled and leaned forward to
start kissing me.

You would think him nutting would have stopped him but no. He kept
going. He kept riding me. It wasn’t the nut that stopped him. It the
sound of the alarm downstairs going off.

FRONT DOOR OPEN echoed throughout the house.

“Oh shit,” Ant said jumping off of me.

“What. Who is it?”

“Who do you think it is?” he asked, “Shit!”

I didn’t have the chance to get dressed.

“You said she wasn’t going to be home until later.”

“Clearly she got off early. You need to go.”

“How?”

“Out the window?”

“Ant—you got to be fucking jokin’ kid. I’m not about to jump out
of no goddam window Ant. There is no way in hell.”

So that was my life. I told you it was important. Ant was
married. His wife had come home early. I felt like an idiot jumping out
the window, running in the streets, with dried cum on my face, half
dressed, with a semi hard dick.

This was my life. This was the life of a DL dude. I was in the closet. I
had known Ant for years even before his wife and we had always been in the
closet together.

There were so many other things about this whole experience that made me
feel like an idiot besides the fact that I was in love with a married man.
Before I knew it I was texting my best friend Shorty to come pick me up.

The thing about Shorty was that he was always there for me. It was
the nighttime and we damn sure didn’t stay in a good side of town. I
couldn’t believe I was just on the street corner like some trash that had
gotten thrown away. I couldn’t believe I had found myself in this position
… again. He always found a way to get me and when he saw me on the
street corner he knew exactly what it was before I even said anything. I
had climbed in the passenger seat of his Honda Accord.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk?” Shorty said.

“Shut up ok.”

Shorty wasn’t short. His real name was Shawn but everyone called
him Shorty because back in the day he used to be really Shorty but he had a
growth spurt really late in his life. Now he stood at 6 foot 2 inches. He
was even taller than me. Shorty was handsome. He was mixed black and
white with really curly hair. Even though I was a barber he never would
let me touch it really. He liked his hair to grow out wild and crazy. To
tell the truth I kind of liked it too.

“You know it’s not safe to be out here right? I mean, I know you
ain’t dumb Christian. Why do you act so dumb sometimes.”

“I don’t judge you. I don’t judge you when you do stupid shit
right? It’s not like you are some goddam saint ok Shorty?” I said shaking
my head and putting my feet up on the dashboard, “Fuck I can’t stand your
ass sometimes.”

“Get your fucking feet down,” Shorty said slapping them down and
then turning to me, “The difference between you and me is I don’t fuck
married men.”

Shorty was DL too. It was easy to be in the closet when only a few
people knew about you. We had another friend named Penny. Penny was the
local fag hag and wanted us to come out of the closet and be some flaming
queers so bad. Shorty wasn’t feminine and neither was I however. We were
just two regular dudes that happened to be gay and didn’t want anyone to
know about it.

“It’s not men. It’s one man.”

“Mr. A huh? Who is this guy? What’s the big secret?”

Shorty didn’t know everything about me. Like I said, my love life
was complicated. You had no idea just how complicated it all was but we’ll
get into that shortly.

“Why do you always try to force it out of me. Is it important who
he is?”

“Yes. You’re so in love with this guy. Why won’t you tell me who
he is?”

I stared out the window. We were almost at my house. I knew
Shorty meant well but him getting in my business was probably some of the
most annoying moments I had. He looked over at me. He continued to talk.
This time he seemed a lot less aggressive. He was being more passive. I
hated when he talked to me like this. He was talking soft like he was
treating some wounded fucking bird. I hated when he tried to baby me.

“You are an attractive guy. You know that. You’re all pretty and
shit?”

I rolled my eyes, “You know I hate when people call me pretty
Shorty. What the fuck is that supposed to mean. I’m a man.”

“You’re a pretty boy. Admit it,” he said shaking his head,
“Regardless that isn’t the point. I’m not going to keep bothering you and
asking you about who this Mr. A guy is that you have been so obsessed with.
All I’m saying is that you can do better.”

“Better like what?”

“How will you know if you don’t let anyone in?” Shorty asked.

He was right. I knew he was right. I remembered how I told Ant
that I loved him. I remembered how he just ignored me and kissed me
instead. As soon as his wife came into the picture he just ran.

There were levels to this.

“It’s complicated.”

Shorty shook his head, “It’s always complicated with you.”

He had no idea how complicated it was. The fact is Shorty knew
Ant. They were actually really close. We were all close at one point. We
had all grown up together and from time to time I knew Shorty still hung
around Ant. The thing was Shorty had NO idea that Ant was into boys. He
said back in the day that he may have thought so but he never confirmed and
kind of dismissed the idea when Ant got married.

I told you things were complicated?.

“I guess I love being tragic,” I stated.

I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t’ help how I felt about Ant. I knew
I couldn’t. It had been going on for 8 years. I was fifteen when I had
first met Ant and fifteen when we started messing around and sneaking
around places. 8 years later I was still in the same place. 8 years later
I was still fucking jumping out of windows and telling him how much I cared
about him when he continued to play me.

Shorty knew I had a lot on my mind. I could tell by how he sighed
in the next minute.

“Come out with me and Penny tonight.”

“Where?”

“A club man.”

“You know I don’t do the club thing. Besides I’m broke.”

“You’re always BROKE!”

I shook my head. I sighed. He was right about that.

“I haven’t had any clients lately.”

“I’ll pay for you?”

“Shorty you know I don’t like to take things.”

“Well you need to. You need to accept love and maybe that’s why
you’re so fucked up. Mr. A isn’t giving it to you. Maybe it’s time you
put yourself out there to find it from someone else. Just come out. If
you are having a bad time we’ll leave. I promise. We’ll go hide in a dive
bar and we’ll let you cry about how complicated your love life is.”

I sighed.

I would have said no. If I hadn’t just had to jump out of a window
I would have said no. The fact is I did have to jump out of a window.
The fact is I wasn’t going to keep playing the back burner for a married
man. I had to get out there. I had to live my own life.

My mother had called me a few times that day but I ignored all of
the calls. I wasn’t in the mood to even talk to her. God knows that she
wanted to vent about her relationship. The thing about my mother and I was
that we were both tragic.

I got dressed in the apartment that I shared with Penny and Shorty.
We had all lived together for about three years. Penny was Shorty’s beard.
His family didn’t know about him and he wanted to keep it that way. Hell I
wanted to keep it that way too but he got to Penny first. My mother always
wondered why I was living with a guy and his girlfriend. I never really
replied.

“You want a shot Christian?” Penny asked from the next room.

I cut my own hair. It was my hustle. I couldn’t find a job in the
economy and it was quick cash. I found myself getting kind of good at it.
I didn’t know what to wear as I looked through my clothes. Ant would have
hated for me to go out looking too good.

I couldn’t help but texting him at that moment.

-GOING OUT…in case you care.-

I looked in the mirror after I sent the text to him. He was
probably too busy with his goddam wife to notice me. I had gotten used to
it. My boyfriend had a wife. This was the lifestyle that I lived.

When I looked in the mirror I couldn’t tell why he didn’t like me.
They all called me pretty but but I thought I was more than just a pretty
boy. I was handsome. Girls threw themselves over me all the time when I
went out. That was a part of the reason that I didn’t go out. The guys
all wanted to think I was gay because I was too ‘pretty’ but not gay enough
to pull their girls if I wanted to.

My phone buzzed. Ant had replied.

-Are you kidding me? Since when do you go out-

-Is it a big deal? I’m just going to a club.-

-Better not be one of those gay boy clubs.-

-No. I def not. Lol. Don’t act like ur worried anyway. Aren’t you home
playing the Good husband anyway. Why does it matter if I find a guy?-

-…-

-What? Can’t say anything about that.-

-It’s not the same.-

-Why not?-

-I’m fucking with a female. You know you’re the only GUY I mess with-

I shot off my phone. I wasn’t about to deal with this. That was a stupid
ass excuse. He just assumed because he was married to a woman that it
didn’t count. He was bisexual unlike me so he should have been able to do
both because “It wasn’t the same.”

Fuck that.

“You know what Penny?” I said, “I want that shot.”

It was 12 o clock before we headed out to the club. The club was called
club heat. I took a shot of the Hornitos tequila in the backseat of the
car. Penny was blasting music up front as we got the club. When we found
parking I realized that Shorty was staring at me from the front seat.

“You should slow down with that.”

“Oh here we go grandpa Shorty,” Penny said from the front seat.

I laughed. Penny was hilarious. She was always a goodtime. She had a
bubbly personality and a beautiful look to match. She looked a lot like
Rihanna who was her idol. She looked like Rihanna back in the days when
she had the short, blood red dyed hair and black makeup all the time.
Penny was also super stylish. She always knew the hottest fashion.

At times I had to admit she could be a little too much of a good time. She
wasn’t the kind of girl you had a heart to heart with. She was more of the
best friend you went to when you wanted to get your mind off of things.

I said getting out of the car and almost losing my footing, “I’m fine?”

“You’re slurring.”

“He should be!” Penny said jumping out from the car, “Shorty you need to
loosen up. You need some dick or something.”

“SHh?” Shorty said immediately.

I laughed at the thought. I mean I was in the closet but Shorty was in the
closet in a whole different way. His dad was a pastor and his mom was the
biggest Debbie Downer ever. Someone even saying a gay comment to him in
public was something that he just couldn’t handle.

Penny rolled her eyes, “Relax. Air out your closet homie. There’s
no one even around listening to us.”

“Whatever. I’m a top, remember. I don’t want dick anyway.”

“Well ass?a blow job?whatever?”

I laughed pushing at Shorty as we walked towards the club, “Man he needs
all of THE above.”

Penny found it funny and even Shorty laughed a little bit.

My group of friends weren’t ideal but we were all we had of each other. I
watched Shorty continue to look at me like hawk because I was so drunk. He
should have been worried about Penny but she was used to getting drunk. I
guess I was a little different.

The line to the club was long and when we got in there we realized it was
kind of packed.

It was hot in the club. Penny was immediately on the dance floor. I had
to admit I found it amusing when her skinny ass started twerking. She was
adorable.

The night was going by pretty quickly. We weren’t far from the VIP area.
I had to admit I was having fun. Even Shorty was loosening up a little bit
once he got a few drinks in him. I thought it was going to be just like a
regular fun night.

I thought it was going to be cool.

That was until he walked in.

He was dressed in all black. This Nubian god walked into the club and
seemed to shut it down. I wasn’t the only one looking. A lot of girls
were looking. He wasn’t dressed like the other guys in the club. He had a
suit on. It was Armani. I had known because I seen it on the runway at
fashion week the week before when I went with Penny. That suit cost a
grip! I knew that much. He had on sunglasses as well but he took them
off. He had a beautiful brown tone to his skin and his face?it looked like
a darker version of Colin Kaepernick. They looked so similar you would
have they could have been twins. My eyes couldn’t stop looking at him.

“Who the fuck is that?” I heard Penny say.

Penny and I were far from the only ones gawking. EVERYONE was. Hell even
the straight guys in the club had seemed to stop to stare for a minute. I
wondered how he felt. I wondered how he felt to walk in a room and have
this presence that just shut shit down.

Shorty was confused, “You don’t know Kingston Doors?”

“No but I want to,” Penny stated, “Damn that nigga fine. What he do?play
basketball?football. What he’s a rapper?”

I could tell why Penny thought he was. He had an entourage behind
him. They were all dressed in suits. They all liked like they were worth a
million dollars each. I was mesmerized by it all. There was all this glam
that they had.

He walked past me with his entourage. I couldn’t help but to stare but the
weird thing was when he turned his eyes around. Our eyes met. Our eyes
connected for a short minute but that short minute seem to last a lifetime.
The way he looked at me. The way I looked at him. I had never seen
someone that made me almost forget for a minute that Ant existed.

“Was he just staring at Christian?” Penny asked.

I was hypnotized and when Penny called my name I had completely stepped out
of it, “What? No?no. We just caught eye contact.”

“No you guys were staring at each other for a minute. I know that look,”
Penny said shaking her head, “You better be on that, boo. He is IT. You
hear me? Jesus Christ.”

Shorty rolled his eyes, “He’s straight. Clearly. Plus he is Kingston
Doors. THE Kingston Doors.”

“You keep saying that like it’s supposed to mean something.”

The name it did mean something. I didn’t remember where I could hear it
from but I had heard it a lot especially in the neighborhood. It was a big
name. it was the kind of name you would hear when you heard something like
Big Meech or Larry Hoover. You didn’t know exactly where you heard the
name from but you knew there was something negative inclined about it. You
knew this person wasn’t some famous ball player or actor or musician. He
had this swag that said he was somewhat above all that.

Shorty rolled his eyes, “Kingston Doors?stupid. You know. The drug lord?”

No it wasn’t famous. Kingston Doors was Infamous.

His VIP section was everything. It was crowded with the rich looking guys.
I had never seen something like that before. To be honest I was dead broke.
Cutting hair for a living out of my house was not the lavish life. I
hadn’t been able to pay my part of the rent in months. If it wasn’t for
Shorty and Penny I probably would have been homeless.

I didn’t know why I was staring so hard at him.

I didn’t know even more why I realized he was ignoring his entourage to
stare back at me.

I turned quickly.

What the fuck was I thinking?

“You ok Christian?” Penny asked, “You had too much to drink?”

“No?no. Maybe. I’m fine.”

I wasn’t the staring type. I didn’t know what was getting over me.
I was sweating I was nervous. I could still feel his eyes on me. I could
still feel his eyes on me even though I wasn’t looking at him. This guy
had the most powerful stare I had ever felt. It was almost like you could
feel it.

“You don’t look fine,” Shorty said.

I was flustered.

“It’s nothing,” I said.

We had gone back to dancing. We had gone back to acting like we
were having fun. Truth was I couldn’t get Kingston Doors off my mind. I
had gone onto the dancefloor with Penny. Shorty wasn’t very far at that
moment but Penny wanted me all for herself.

She started dancing pulling me this way and that way.

“Penny slow down!”

“What!”

“Slow down.”

She couldn’t hear me through the music. She was always a bit deaf.
I found myself getting more and more dizzy as she swung me around. The
music and the lights were all too much really. I didn’t know what the fuck
I was doing. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing until I did it.

I felt myself turning at that moment. I felt myself getting
lightheaded.

AND THE VOMIT CAME OUT.

“Oh my god!” I heard Penny scream.

Several people in the club and taken steps back to see what I had
just done. I wished I had thrown up on the floor. It would have been a
little easier. That wasn’t the case though. I had thrown up on this big,
burly, black dude who gave me the hardest eye at that moment. His face
wrinkled up when I threw up on him. Shit! Shit!

“I told you that you can’t handle your liquor,” Shorty said, “Sorry
man. Sorry for my friend. He doesn’t go out that much. He’s not used to
all this?”

The big man wasn’t having it. He wasn’t having none of it. Before
I knew it he pushed Shorty out of the way. The way Shorty flew across the
floor made me realize just how strong this man was. He was strong and he
was embarrassed. The embarrassment had made him mad as hell.

“I’m sorry!” I said.

Shorty ran up back up towards me. I could feel him trying to pull
me back to get me out of the way from the guy but it was too late. The guy
was gripping me up already pulling on my shirt.

“You motherfucker! You DRUNK fucking faggot!” was what he had said to me as
he balled up his fist.

“What’s the problem here?”

I hadn’t noticed someone was behind me until I saw him. It was HIM.
Kingston Doors. He was standing right behind me with his entire entourage.
The man was shocked to see him there. Kingston’s people were dressed in
suits but they had a swag about them. They looked like gangsters straight
out of some crime syndicate.

“King, this one of your people?”

“No but that don’t mean shit,” Kingston stated shaking his head, “Something
wrong with you? This club is under my protection. Feel me? You not going
to be staring NO MOTHERFUCKING SHIT?.in this club?”

The guy put his hands off of me. He didn’t even give me another look.

“I don’t want no problems. I promise King. I’m sorry?”

“Someone escort that man out of here.”

I watched the way four or five goons grabbed up the man. I wondered by the
way they grabbed him what King meant by escort.

“You ok?” Kingston said looking at me.

The world stopped. Jesus Christ this guy was beautiful. This guy was
beautiful.

“I didn’t need your help,” I stated.

I wanted to punch myself. What the fuck was coming out of my
mouth?

“Christian!” Penny said correcting us, “Sorry about that. Look
thanks for looking out for my friend. He’s a little. You know! Drunk!”

“It’s cool,” Kingston said laughing at me instead of taking my
rudeness serious, “I can’t hold my liquor either. It’s nothing to
embarrassed about.”

“I can hold my liquor!” I snapped back.

I didn’t know what I was saying. I felt like I had to be rude to him. I
didn’t’ know why. Maybe in the back of my mind I was afraid of how
attracted I was to him. Either way he didn’t seem to mind me snapping. He
seemed to find it funny luckily.

“Oh I don’t doubt that. Still?how about you guys come to my VIP. I got
some juice. You guys can sober up or hell drink some of the good liquor
and not the cheap stuff.”

“You know what?we should get home,” Shorty said, “We aren’t in the VIP
mood. Think we should probably get my friend home.”

Shorty was giving him a suspicious look. He didn’t trust him. I knew that
Shorty knew more about this guy than the rest of us. Maybe I should have
followed his lead.

“What?” Penny asked, “He will be fine. Please. Let’s just go into the VIP
for a little bit. It’s not like none of us can even afford it on a
regular.”

Shorty grimaced, “Penny.

“Fine?” Penny stated, “I’m sorry man. Thanks for your help though.”

Shorty and Penny started to walk away leading me as though I was some sort
of cripple. I couldn’t help but to look back.

I didn’t know why but I knew he was looking at me as well. Our eyes
connected. He was beautiful. I couldn’t take how I felt about him. He
noticed me looking. I wondered what he was thinking about. He had a half
smirk on his face as though amused by me. He watched me the entire time
until I walked out of the club.

This Kingston man was dangerous. He was real dangerous.

Why the hell had I clinched up? Why hadn’t I been nicer to him? Why
didn’t I go to his VIP. I felt like a fucking idiot.

I couldn’t get Kingston out of my head. It was the only time ever
that I felt anything at all for anyone besides Ant. I didn’t even think it
was really possible. The truth was I was more confused then ever. Why
hadn’t I taken advantage of it? I could have gotten to know him. This was
a big city. It was entirely possible I would never see this guy again.

“You know what?just drop me over here. I don’t want to go home
tonight. My mom’s house is right there.”

“Aw ok, tell Momma Nay I said hey.”

I got out of the car, “I’ll let her know.

When I got to the house my mom up. I wasn’t shocked to see her up.
See the thing about my mother is that she was a young mom. She had me when
she was just 15. My dad was never in my life. At one point in her life
she had gotten remarried to a man who was really abusive and controlling.
She finally broke out of that relationship though. Ever since then she had
been trying to be ‘The Cool Mom’. She liked to hang with my friends and
date younger guys. She actually ended up marrying a new guy who was much
younger.

I had gotten into the house and saw her.

“Oh hey baby.”

“Didn’t know you were up.”

“Oh you know just having a conversation with the hubby. He’s been
acting real weird all night. Something had him upset. I don’t know what
it is. Maybe you can talk to him. Here he comes. Hey baby,” My mom
called out, “Guess who came to visit us.”

There he was. Ant.

“Oh hey,” he replied.

Yes. My mother was Ant’s wife. I told you my love life was
complicated?

---