OK so I’m going to share a true part of myself. Ive been writing fiction up to this point, certainly informed my experience, but not a direct retelling. Perhaps its my comfort with my sexuality that allows me to tell this or some inner need for confession and comments that say I’m not a total freak. I don’t know, but I would love to hear what yall think.

The history of my first sexual exploits must be understood in the context of both my abnormal body and the brainwashing I received from friends. I have always been a small girl, but when my chest started to develop it developed much faster and much larger than girls my size and age. When I was 16 I was already wearing a 32e, but it had started years before that. When other girls were wearing training bras, I was already using my mom’s old bras.

Looking back I think it informed my thinking for many different reasons. First, I was being noticed and talked to different by men and boys from very early on. I was keenly aware that my chest got me attention, that men liked to look at my chest, and that it was key to me femininity. Mostly, however, I would say that it made me more aware of sex in general at a very early age.

I remember I was 12 (I remember because I had this stupid key chain that said “happy #12 on it), and I went to a store to buy gum or something. It was a gas station, nothing special and looking back I am not sure how I got there, but I went to the candy isle and was looking around and this older guy came up to me. I’m not sure how old he was, maybe 25, and the whole time he talked to me he was looking at my boobs. I remember I was wearing these green shorts and a white tank top, and even though I was 12 I think I was wearing a c-cup or something, but the point was that I new that he was talking to me, and wanted me sexually because I had boobs. I remember thinking when I went how strange it was that he liked boobs that much. I mean they were normal to me, a bit new, but normal. I remember thinking later that night about how it must be perfectly normal for guys to like boobs and that there was no harm in it. I was keenly aware from my parents and television and everything else that nakedness was “bad” but I couldn’t understand that because everything I experienced was good when it came to the body that I was covering.

That affected every conversation and experience I had with learning about sex. I remember sex education being one of the most confusing classes I ever had. They talked all about sex, telling us the ins and outs, warning us of everything bad, and then saying its something amazing to share with a partner once we were married. That started the confusion… they tried to scare us, but it was great. They explained the different ways to have sex, but used pregnancy to push us away, but it seemed oral sex was ok. Talking with my friends, they made it clear that oral sex had to be the grossest thing ever, but I knew girls did it. But why? To top it off, I actually kinda walked in on my mother giving my dad a blow job (luckily they didn’t see me—dad was laying back on the bed and she was laying over the side of him), and she seemed to really be into it.

I started kinda dating guys when I was 14, but it was nothing serious. At parties parents were always there and there wasn’t more than just hanging out and talking. You had a boyfriend in name only really, and my boobs went a long way. At the very most, a guy would try and feel my chest, but looking back it was laughable, all until one night when I had a sleep over with two friends. We had arranged it with our “boyfriends” at the time to sleep over. One of my girlfriend’s boyfriend lived in the neighborhood that butted up against mine, so they stayed at his house. At 1 we agreed to meet at the clubhouse tennis courts in his neighborhood. I don’t know what we thought would happen, if it was just teenage rebellion that made us want to break the rules, but I certainly wasn’t planning anything.

We met, and basically we walked around the neighborhood for a while holding hands. Eventually we all kinda separated, probably by the guys plan, and I found myself with Kevin (hey out there) alone in some guys back yard. We sat on a swing and instead of talking we started making out. Let me tell you this was big stuff… tongue and all. We made out a while, and then I guess he felt lucky so he went up my shirt. I went with the flow, thought his natural fear would prevent him from doing anything too out there, and I have always been pretty submissive. So anyway, this is way longer than I thought it would be to give background…

He was struggling trying to get his hand up my shirt and around my arm and over my bra… all kinds of logistics, so I arched my arm and leaned over toward him. Now at this point I was making out with my boyfriend… not sexually aroused. The problem was that I miscalculated and my hand landed on his thigh, although at this point, making out for a while, his hand on his first boob in his life, he was rock hard and his dick was pressed down on his thigh. So, he got his first boob… I got my first dick in hand. That is when it stopped being non sexual and started being sexual. I instantly got into kissing him more, I felt his touch on my chest more. I thought he would get bored with feeling my chest, but he didn’t, and I didn’t try to move my hand off his dick in his shorts. Actually, I remember distinctly that I wanted to see it, wanted to feel all of it.

We went on making out but Kevin moved his hands around me and tried to undo my bra. You know the story, and it certainly was true. He struggled, and eventually I undid it for him and I still do not know why to this day, but I not only undid it, I pulled my arms out of the straps through my shirt and put it on the ground. Immediately he dove back up my shirt and although I think I was turned on before, when his hand hit my bare breast, I was immediately possessed. I had never felt that way I was sure. I remember thinking how strange it was that his hand made me feel so much different touching me than when I had touched my chest a thousand times. Eventually I searched out his dick. I remember thinking that this was way further than I ever thought I would go and I wanted to take advantage. I kept thinking that I might actually get to see a dick.

He had been feeling me up for a while, so when I actually grabbed his dick in his pants, he completely stopped feeling me up and actually stood up and took down his shorts completely. I was so shocked I was scared. He actually sat back down with his boxers still on and pulled his dick through the hole. Call it teenage stupidity or just plain excitement, but instead of actually involving me, which I probably would have been willing to provide, he started jacking himself. I couldn’t tell you now if he was big or small or what, but I remember watching him stroke his dick with his hand with amazing speed, and right before he came he reached across me and squeezed my boob. I was so strange, but I didn’t have time to react. No for all I don’t remember that night, this much is very clear. I remember when he started cumming. I remember watching the head of his dick as four distinct shots came out of him and flew onto the grass in front of him.

There were a couple of problems. #1 When he came, he came all over my bra, which #2 I didn’t remember to take with me. #3 he was clearly an ass when he got back to his friends, because he told them that I sucked him off and let him fuck my ass and that I had given him my bra to help him remember the night. #4 his friends and he told everyone they knew that not only was I giving blow jobs in back yards but I was bending over and taking it up the five hole.

So heres what happened. For the next year and a half, I was known at school as the girl that gave up ass….literally, and that here was the kicker…. That I loved cum. The problem was clearly that I had done neither, but it started me thinking. People thought it was the grossest thing ever. My friends even asked me, “how could you do that, its gross.” So to them sucking a dick was worse than taking one up your ass. It was strange to me. Very strange.

So here is the real confession. Your probably asking me what the big deal is, I mean I think this is pretty normal. Well at first I was angry that I had gained an unearned reputation, but then I just got curious about the whole thing. Sucking a dick was kinda forced on me as an obsession because that’s what people knew me as at school. I thought about it all the time.

So… I had heard from my brothers friend that there was an adult book store outside Southern Raleigh and that there were booths you could go into and get a blow job by sticking your dick through a hole. Now I was clearly not the aim of this information, but I heard it none the less. Clearly my brother and his friend did not think about who might be on the other side, and don’t go thinking that I went to suck my brother off or something.

So I actually didn’t process it at the time, but later I thought about it. I wanted to actually see what sucking was like. I devised a plan. I would find a way to the store and go back in the booth and then no one would see or know I was doing it. Here was the problem. The first time I went up there, found a ride from my parents of all people, dropping me off at a strip mall two blocks down, I went in there and was turned away because I didn’t have an id. I got turned away.

It took me three weeks to get the courage to go back, and when I did I stole my dad’s car when they went to bed one Friday night and I dressed as slutty as I could possibly. When I walked in there were a lot of people, and I didn’t really get a second glance from the same guy. I walked around the store and was kinda weirder out by it all. There were rows and rows of videos and on the wall there were so many dildos they spanned the entire length of the store. I didn’t know or could find what my brother’s friend was talking about at first, but eventually I wondered around, and saw them. There was an entrance in the back and I figured they were through there.

When I went back, the guy at the back asked me what video I wanted to preview, and I know I looked dumb. I told him I had left it on the shelf. I knew he knew the deal. I went back and wondered around a bit and then picked one. I didn’t even look at the title or what it was about. I was so nervous that I just picked something. He looked at the video when I got back there, opened it and then took me to a booth. When I got in, I saw the holes he was talking about, and then the video came on. I had picked out a damn freak show. There was a woman whose boobs were so big and so fake that they looked like giant ballons, and eventually she was surrounded by more and more guys that just walked up to her and jacked off on her.

It took forever, and believe me I was so uncomfortable. More than once I wondered what the hell I was doing there. Then all of a sudden there was a knock on the wall to my left. I didn’t know what to do. Then the knock happened again. I guessed it was a signal, so I knocked back. Then to my surprise, a dick came through the hole. I just looked at it, and then the guy knocked again. I don’t know where I got the courage, but I actually moved the chair over and put him in my mouth. I’m sure it was the worst blow job in his life.

To be honest I didn’t know what the big deal was at first. I was going through the motions, and motions I didn’t really understand. I liked the way it felt, but it was such a strange experience. In no time the guy came. I was totally not prepared. The surge into my mouth shocked me and I almost gagged. He wasn’t a huge cummer so I kinda handled it ok, but when he got soft and pulled back, I thought about it a lot. There was nothing gross about it at all. I sucked a total of three guys that night. I was pretty lucky because the last guy was the biggest and came the most, and by then I was getting use to it all.

I came back only one time, but the interesting part is that although everyone at school thought I was fucking and sucking all the time, the first time I sucked was in the back of an adult book store.

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