From Here to Algonquin 1
Introduction:
One warm yet overcast summer day some guys were planning a party in the Village of Algonquin, Illinois but suddenly some ninjas broke into the squalid apartment where the guys were planning the party and tried to start a fight.
“You dudes are going to get your asses kicked by us ninjas after we are done eating the food we got on the way here from Taco Bell. I’ve got 1/2 pound beef and potato burrito & some cheesy fiesta potatoes and a diet coke for lunch. I ate there last night for dinner and had a spicy chicken burrito, a 1/2 pound cheesy bean and rice burrito, a diet coke and a carmel apple empanada. It was so good that I decided we had to stop there before coming here to kick your asses.”
The ninja didn’t mention the disagreement the ninjas had about Taco Bell. It seems one of the other ninjas named Big AL had been to Taco Bell the previous week and curiously enough, had a 1/2 pound beef and potato burrito & some cheesy fiesta potatoes for lunch. That was so good that he went back for dinner and had a spicy chicken burrito, a 1/2 pound cheesy bean and rice burrito, and a carmel apple empanada. He washed both meals down with large diet cola.
That evening, Big Al the Ninja finished off the rest of the Ben & Jerry’s Cookie dough ice cream while watching “The Butterfly Effect”. Later, He had some cottage cheese with Hershey’s syrup and brown sugar mixed in at about 9:00pm as a snack while he watched “The Sopranos”. Big Al the ninja was also drinking grain belt beer all night long. (12 grain belts total)
Two days later, Big Al the Ninja’s bunger was one crusty mess! Cheap burritos, cheap beer and cottage cheese is not a good mix for a young Ninja. Bih Al the ninja was Italian American (1st generation!) with a lot of body hair. He discovered that morning two days after eating lunch and dinner at Taco Bell that his ass hairs had crusted over his asshole. That is what I would call a crusty bunger! Big AL the ninja discovered this taking his 2nd wet squirt dump that morning. The dung came out of his ass and was met by a crusty wall of ass hair. WHAT A MESS! Why would a loving god let his bunger be backed up by a crusty wall of ass hair?
If that isn’t enough…
Big AL the ninja stank. He wondered if what he had heard about his favotate band was true.
Big Al had heard that one day in 1972, Geddy Lee cut a fart that stank so bad it smelled like something crawled up his butt and died.
“Dude” said high school dropout Neil Peart, “That stank so bad it smelled like something crawled up your butt and died.”
“Dude” said Geddy Lee, “You’re right! That stank so bad it smelled like something crawled up my butt and died.”
“Dude” said high school dropout Neil Peart “I should check up there and make sure something didn’t crawl up your ass and die.”
“Ok, dude” said Geddy Lee “why don’t you check up there and make sure something didn’t crawl up my ass and die
Geddy dropped his Canadian trousers and silk panties and high school dropout Neil Peart had a look.
“Dude” said high school dropout Neil Peart “Your bunger looks like a cute little randy mollusk! I wanna give it a little kiss.”
“Ok, dude” said Geddy Lee
High school dropout Neil Peart began to kiss Geddy Lee’s bunger and his “gayer than the Village People” moustache tickled Geddy Lee.
“Dude” said Geddy Lee in a voice that sounded like he had just inhaled a tank of helium, “That Tickles!”
“Dude you should sing like that!” said high school dropout Neil Peart
“Ok, dude” said Geddy Lee “You know…if John Rutsy quits the group I’m in, I’ll hire you and you can do this all the time, dude.”
“Cool, dude” said high school dropout Neil Peart.
“DAMN am I rank! I’m RIPE!” exclaimed Big AL the ninja. “I just sniffed my finger nails after scratching my balls and I damn near fell over! It was a pungent raw smell of vinegar, ammonia, dank stale cunt with a hint of vanilla that just about bowled me over.
I suppose I’ll have to take a shower soon.”
to be continued…
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A real disaster!