Finding a boy like me

The night Chris broke up with me I went to bed angry and woke up the next morning furious. I typically don’t remember my dreams in full detail, from beginning to end, but that night I remembered everything: Chris was in all of those dreams, and in every scene I was either killing or seriously beating him up.
Gray light entered my window, into my room and it felt cold on my face. I woke up, wishing I hadn’t awaken up, wishing I could stay asleep for a very long time. It was early, only six thirty in the morning. I still had an hour and a half before I had to be at school. I could’ve gone back to sleep, but I didn’t want to dream about Chris again, so I chose to stay awake, just staring up at the ceiling. The more I tried to not think about Chris, the more his face kept entering into my body, the more I could smell his scent under my nose, and the more I could feel the touch of his skin against mine. I wished I could’ve erased all memories of him; I wished I could erase all feelings for him.
I just laid in my bed for another half an hour, thinking about not thinking about Chris. Soon it was time for me to get up and start to get ready for school. I wanted to fake sick and just stay in the bed all day. I didn’t want to go to school and see Chris all day. But I chose to get up, shower, and get dressed for two reasons: first, I didn’t want Chris to think that I was staying home crying and being depressed over him – and also because I had to go to detention. When I was ready to go, I saw that my mother was already dressed and ready to go to work. “Good morning,” she said. She was trying to sound nice and supportive, which I appreciated, but really didn’t want to deal with at the moment.
“Hey,” I muttered.
“Do you want me to drive you to school?” she asked.
That question confused me. “Drive me to school? You haven’t driven me to school since the first day of my freshman year.”
“I have a little bit of extra time before I have to be at work,” my mother said.
“No, that’s okay,” I said. “Rather take the bus.”
“Are you still upset about last night?” she asked.
“I’m fine,” I answered. I tried to smile, but it didn’t work, so I just stared at her blankly. My mother looked concerned.
“Are you sure?” she continued to question.
“I’m fine,” I repeated, this time more sharply. I walked toward the front door.
“I hope you have a good day at school,” my mother said before I walked out of the door.
“I’m not counting on it,” was my response. I shut the door behind me.
* * *
The only reason why I sat in front of Chris in Spanish class was because there was nowhere else to sit. I had forced myself not to make eye contact with him. But I could feel his eyes on me, watching me the whole time; my heart was racing the whole time, and there were times when I wanted to turn around and look at his face – but I refused. I had to refuse. I had to let him know that he was just as unimportant to me as I was to him – or as unimportant as he wanted me to be to him.
During lunch, I sat under my favorite tree, eating a soggy green apple and a gross tuna fish sandwich. It had been a while since I’d eaten lunch alone – since I’d spent time alone in general. It felt weird. I watched people walking by in groups, talking and laughing about whatever bullshit people talk and laugh about. A part of me felt jealous that I didn’t have a boyfriend – or friends in general who were proud to be seen in public with me, that didn’t hide behind fake exteriors, and who were honest. I looked up and saw Chris walking, not too far away from where I was sitting. Our eyes met and my heart felt like it had stopped. I didn’t take one breath. He kept walking, with his eyes on me and ended up bumping into someone. And then he looked away, walking faster, trying to get away from me as fast as possible. Maybe if he had come over and talked to me – maybe if he had looked at me just a few seconds longer…maybe I wouldn’t have been so angry any longer.
* * *
I reported to Mr. Wilson’s room at three fifteen after my last class ended. Billy Anderson, Scott Howard, and Chris were already there as usual. But there were two other people in that room that I hadn’t expected to see: Jason Coleman and Luke Block. I didn’t really care why Luke was in detention, but I was kinda surprised and concerned as to why Jason was in detention. Jason was probably like the best student in that whole fuckin bullshit school – what had he done to go to detention? I glanced over at Billy Anderson, who sat next to Jason, and I figured that somehow he was responsible for Jason being there.
Mr. Wilson was sitting behind his desk, and as soon as I stepped through the door, I felt his cold blue eyes on me, piercing through me like glass bullets. I sat in my usual spot, in the front row, almost directly across from Wilson’s desk. I don’t know why I always sat so close to Wilson. It was like I was setting myself up for his bullshit. Mr. Wilson stared at me for a minute or two; he could read the anger in my eyes and I knew it was amusing to him. After a while, he broke his glance from me and looked at the others.
“Everybody get up,” he said, in his typical aggressive and attractive voice, “We’re goin up to the football field.”
None of us moved, we just looked at Wilson confused. When he saw that we hadn’t followed his orders, his dark blue eyes started to burn with fury. “I said everybody get the fuck up right now! We’re goin to the football field.”
All five of us popped out of our seats very quickly and ran to the door. We followed Mr. Wilson as he led us first to the men’s locker room. I was walking right behind him, watching his nice ass through his slacks. Chris and the others were behind me; I heard Billy whispering something to Chris. I figured whatever he’d said had been about me. I didn’t hear Chris’ response, and I really didn’t care to.
Luke Block walked up beside me. At first I thought he was Chris, but when I turned and saw that the face didn’t belong to Chris, I felt a mixture of relief and disappointment. “What do you want?” I asked, not really too excited to talk to him.
“Nothin’,” Luke said, flashing one of his great smiles. Luke was definitely a sexy-looking dude, and he seemed to have a chill personality, but I don’t know, I really wasn’t all that attracted to him. He had an awesome body: tall, excellent shaped arms, broad shoulders, a tapered, V-shape waist, and very muscular legs. Actually, the more I looked at him, the more attractive he became to me.
“What did you get detention for?” I asked.
Luke winked. “I’ll tell you later.”
I suddenly thought of Chris, walking behind me. For a brief second, I’d almost forgotten that he was there. I really didn’t want to, but I turned around to look at him. My heart skipped when I saw him glaring at me with the most angriest, jealous expression on his face. I could tell that he was really annoyed that I was talking to Luke. But then I thought, ‘Well it’s not my fault. If he hadn’t been playin stupid, fuckin mind games and stop bein such a fuckin coward, he could’ve been the one talking to me instead of Luke. I turned back around with a new mission: I was pretend that I was really interested in Luke, just to see how upset Chris would get.
* * *
We stepped into the locker room, which was dirty and smelled like old, wet socks, musty jockstraps and other male body odors. I went up to my locker and started to take off my lock. Chris stepped up three lockers away from mine and jerked his lock open with one easy pull. He glanced at me quickly – too quickly to be an actual look and then he snatched off his shirt. Though it had only been a couple of days since we last fucked, I missed seeing his naked, muscular chest. I missed licking his nipples and licking the ridges of his abs. I missed that thin trail of curly black hair that led down to his sweaty pubes.
Chris took off his jeans and now he was wearing the tightest pair of white briefs I’d even seen on him. They looked like underwear he might’ve worn when he was twelve or something. I saw the large bulge in the front pouch of the briefs, and I looked at the sharp, curved line of his ass, wanting to just go over there and squeeze it, like I used to be able to do. Now I had to pretend that Chris’ body didn’t excite me in anyway, even though my dick was already more than half hard now. I had to pretend like I didn’t want to look at Chris at anymore – I had to pretend like I didn’t love him anymore.
Chris peeled the underwear off and stood naked, his body even more beautiful and muscular than the strongest Greek god. His thick, long, eleven inch dick was more than half-way hard too. He looked at me as he balled his underwear up and threw them into his locker. I wanted to know what he was thinking at that moment when he was looking at me with that cold expression on his face and not saying anything. I figured that he probably wanted to know if I was still attracted to him. And of course I was. The problem was that I didn’t want to be anymore. It was too damaging to my feelings to be in love with someone who refused to be in love with me, even though I knew Chris had deep feelings for me.
I stripped out of my clothes fast. It only took me a few seconds to get fully naked. My dick was hard, but I pretended like it didn’t mean anything to have a boner in front of my ex-boyfriend. I hated using that word, ‘ex-boyfriend’. It sounded so ugly. From the corner of my eye I was able to see Chris looking at me. I peered over at him and saw that his dick was now rock hard. A part of me just wanted to go over there, go to my knees, and just deep throat him until he busted pint after pint of his cum in mouth. But I couldn’t and I wasn’t going to. I had to keep remembering that I wasn’t the one that broke up with Chris – Chris broke up with me. It wasn’t my fault if he was just now realizing the consequences of his mistake.
I changed into my jockstrap and put on my running shorts and an old T-shirt that reeked of my armpits. Chris changed into similar clothes, but I could still see his hard dick poking against the fabric of his loose shorts. We looked at each other for about ten seconds, the coldest silence between us, and then I just walked out of the locker room.
Wilson was standing near the gate to the football field, arms folded over his chest, wearing a tight red shirt that accentuated to the hard curves of his muscular arms and the swell of his nice-looking chest. His head was covered with a red cap that had our Tigers mascot on it, and he was wearing a pair of white shorts, loose enough to allow him to be able to move freely, but tight enough for me to see how beautiful and muscular his legs looked. The bill of his cap cast a shadow over his face, but we could still see his cold, electric blue eyes. As we approached he said, “You’re gonna run ten laps in under four minutes. All of you.” Even though he said ‘all of you’ I had the feeling that he was talking to me in particular. “If you’re over, even by just a second, you’ll do forty laps.” I was really not happy about that situation, because I really wasn’t in good enough shape to do that many laps in that short length of time. I knew that Chris, Billy, Scott, Luke – and perhaps even Jason could do it, because they were all on sports teams. But I wasn’t. Even though I was a good runner, I didn’t know if I was gonna be able to do that.
“Let’s go,” Mr. Wilson said. He began jogging past the gate and up to the track. We reluctantly followed behind him. As we were about to start running, Wilson said, “I’m running with you. And every time I lap you, that’s two more laps you have to do.” We all groaned when he said that.
We began the ten laps. Chris and Billy started in the lead, Luke followed behind them closely, Jason was behind Luke, and I was last behind Jason. I was too busy concentrating on Jason’s tight butt through his shorts that I forgot that Mr. Wilson was behind me. As he ran past me, he said “Two more.” which added the sum total to twelve laps now. Wilson past Jason and Luke easily. Chris, Scott, and Billy were almost completed with their first lap when Wilson lapped them. I watched Wilson as he ran. He looked really beautiful when he ran, and he was so goddamn fast. It shouldn’t have been possible to run as fast he was. I knew that I had to start running faster.
I picked up my pace and soon I was trailing closely behind Jason. I heard Wilson coming behind me and I ran even faster, passing Jason up in a flash. I kept moving faster, catching up with Luke. I was tired and I was only on my second lap. But I knew that I couldn’t stop, if I stopped, I knew that Wilson was gonna be pissed. I ran a little bit faster and was able to maintain a good pace. I was a little bit behind Billy, who had slowed down a little bit. Chris was leading the pack. He moved so effortlessly and quickly. I really loved watching him move.
Wilson lapped all of us again, so fast, that it took me a few seconds to realize that he had just ran past us. “Two more,” he called out again. I ran faster, my sides burning, my heart beating like a jack hammer, and sweat just pouring down in gallons down my face and back. I passed Billy, and ran a little bit faster so that I was almost behind Chris. I couldn’t believe that I had passed almost everybody up. I knew that it was gonna be impossible to pass Chris up, just as it would be impossible to pass Wilson up. The more I tried to keep up with Chris, the faster he went. He looked like he could go another thirty laps without getting tired while I felt like I was about to just fall out any moment. I ran a little bit faster, and surprisingly, I found myself almost catching up with Chris. His muscles flexed and moved so gorgeously as he ran; the crack of his ass was sweating, and I wished I was able to rip his ass cheeks apart and lick that dirty sweat out of his wonderful butt.
I felt Wilson behind me, so I moved faster again. And then I was tied up with Chris. He glanced over and saw that it was me; I think he was surprised that it was me tied with him and not Billy. Chris started to run even faster. Wilson was directly behind me, and I wasn’t going to allow him to lap me again. With a burst of energy, I sprinted forward, past Chris, and just started running as though a pack of mad dogs were after me or somethin. Neither Chris or Wilson was able to catch up with me. Somehow, I don’t know how, I was able to maintain that same speed for the next six laps, finishing first, with Chris and Wilson just a little bit behind me. Right after I hit the finish line, I stopped running and collapsed on the grass, unable to breathe. My skin felt so hot, and I could feel my pulse just pounding throughout my whole body. Sweat was just pouring down my body in rivers. Wilson stood over me, not breathing hard or sweating at all. He looked perfectly fine. “Since when did you become so fast, Newman?”
“I don’t know,” I managed to say. I stood up slowly and wiped the sweat off my forehead with the tail of my shirt. Chris had taken off his shirt and his chest was just glistening with his sweat, making him look ten times sexier than he usually did. I decided to pull my shirt off as well and tossed it in the grass.
“Good job,” Chris said to me. I could tell that he was resentful that I beat him, and I could tell that he didn’t want to say anything to me, but I was kinda glad that he did.
“You too,” I said. Chris nodded and walked away. Again I felt that disappointment rising in me; I wished Chris would’ve kept talking to me. Billy, Luke, and Jason finished about five minutes later. By that time, I had cooled down a little, but I was still really tired.
“Everybody on the field,” Wilson yelled. “And hurry the fuck up.”
We all jogged to the middle of the field. “Everybody drop,” Wilson said.
Billy, Luke, and Chris got down flat on the grass. Me and Jason were the only ones confused. Wilson said to us, angrily, “Get on the fuckin ground.”
I laid flat on the grass on my stomach. It reminded me of the time Chris had fucked me on the football field that night. I looked over at Chris and he was looking over at me. I think he was remembering the same thing.
“One hundred push-ups,” Wilson ordered. “Starting now.”
I don’t remember ever doing three whole push-ups in my life, let alone one hundred at the same time. Everyone else began theirs, even Jason; I was the only one laying there looking like an idiot. “What the fuck are you doin, Newman?” Wilson screamed, standing over me. “Let’s fuckin go!”
I heard Billy laughing at me.
“Shut the fuck up, Bill,” Chris said as he pushed himself all the way up.
I started to do the push-ups. After the sixth one, I was ready to quit, but I kept on going. I glanced over at Luke, and saw that he was doing his easily, in fact, it looked like he was really enjoying it. I watched as his massive, muscular biceps, triceps, and deltoids flexed and I realized that Luke was a lot more attractive than I had given him credit for. Luke glanced up, sensing that I was watching him. He smiled at me, a rivulet of sweat running down his forehead, down the side of his face; I smiled back. I looked over at Chris and saw that Chris was watching me watch Luke. He had that jealous, angry look on his face. Even though I knew it was partly wrong to do so I felt pleased that I was making Chris feel jealous. Maybe he was beginning to feel a little bit of what I felt.
When we were finished, Wilson instructed us to do five hundred crunches, in ten sets of fifty. Weirdly, I was able to do that as well. The more Wilson kept having us do different exercises, the easier it became for me to do them. It was nearly five-thirty when Wilson told us we could finally stop. By that time, I could barely move, and I knew I was gonna be basically paralyzed when I woke up the next morning. “Same time tomorrow,” Wilson said. He walked off toward the main campus, leaving the five of us by alone on the field.
“Fuckin asshole,” Chris muttered when Wilson left.
As we all headed down to the locker room to shower, Billy said, “Hey, Brandon, you been takin’ steroids or somethin? I thought your weak ass wouldn’t be able to last one second.”
“Don’t be mad, Billy,” I said said confidently, “maybe I’ll let you beat me tomorrow.”
“You wish you fuckin square ass-cum rag,” Billy said.
“Fuck you, Billy.”
“Maybe later,” Billy answered with an arrogant smile. “But at least I know one person you won’t be fuckin later.” I could’ve fuckin killed Chris right there for fuckin telling Billy about the fight Chris and I had the other night. Everybody knew the significance of what Billy just said. I knew they were all thinking that Chris had dumped me, and that was why we weren’t really talkin to each other. I was so fuckin pissed off at that moment. I thought Chris was gonna say something to Billy, like he had done out on the field, but he didn’t say anything at all. ‘Both of them could go to hell’ I thought. I walked along with Luke, very close, so that I could smell the attractive odor coming off his hot body.
“Don’t trip off what that asshole says,” Luke whispered to me as we walked into the locker rooms. “They’re all just jealous of you.”
“Oh, I’m not worried about him,” I said, loud enough so that the others could hear. “Or anybody else that got somethin to say to me.”
Nobody said a thing.
I went over to my locker and began taking off my clothes. Chris stepped up to his locker and started to do the same thing. I stripped naked and got my towel and soap. As I was about to walk off to the shower, Chris said, “So you moved on to some other dude that quick, huh?”
I stopped. “What the fuck do you mean by that?”
“You know what I mean, B. Tryin’ to make me get all jealous with Luke Blockhead over there.”
“I’m not tryin to make you feel anything, Chris. If you feel jealous, than that’s your problem, not mine.”
Chris stepped out of his clothes in a hurry and grabbed his towel. “Are you gonna fuck him?”
I decided to be smug with my response. “If I want to. I don’t have you to worry `bout now, so I can do whatever the fuck I want to do.”
“You’re right,” Chris said, wrapping the towel around his waist. “You can.”
Billy and Scott were already in the shower when I entered the shower room. Luke hadn’t finished changing yet, and I didn’t know what Jason was doing. I switched on the shower nozzle across from Scott and Billy, so that I could look at their hot, naked bodies. They were both facing the spray of water, giving me a chance to look at their muscular backs and large, tight, bubble round butts, and the soap suds sliding down their tight cracks. I definitely wouldn’t have minded eating out Scott’s smooth, pretty ass raw, and fucking Billy’s awesome ass again.
Chris turned on the shower directly next to mine. There were a lot of other showers he could’ve chosen – I don’t know why he wanted to be right next to me. For the most part I was able to pretend like he wasn’t there, but it was hard – in more ways than one. I could see Chris’ dick steadily getting hard. I looked at it for a few seconds, and then looked away – just in time to see Luke entering the room.
When I saw Luke’s naked body, I almost lost all of my breath. I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing: He had the most muscular body I’d ever seen; his chest was covered with black hair, not thick hair and not a whole lot of it, but just the right amount. Luke’s legs were covered with hair too; his legs were slightly more hairier than his chest and stomach. I just couldn’t get over how beautiful Luke was. It was really unbelievable.
My dick started to get really hard, especially when Luke turned around and I saw his ultra tight, ultra round hairy ass. I usually wasn’t a fan of hairy butts, yet on Luke it looked perfect. I was so busy looking at Luke that I completely forgot that Chris was right beside me. I made no attempt to pretend that I wasn’t looking at Luke’s great body. I didn’t really care if Chris got upset or not. Luke turned on his shower and started to lather himself up with a bar of soap. I really wished I could’ve been that soap, sliding over Luke’s tight body. His dick was huge and uncut, probably around nine to ten inches. I had never fucked – or been fucked with anyone with a uncut dick, but seeing Luke, I was definitely willing to make an exception.
Luke’s dick started to harden as he looked at my body. He looked me up and down completely, rubbing the bar of soap over his dick and under his nut sack. Chris shut off his shower and stalked away naked and angry. A part of me felt bad, but an overwhelming part of me felt really good as well. Luke and I spent another five minutes or so, just checking out each others’ bodies, both our dicks as hard as they could be. Finally after a while, I knew it was time for me to get out of the shower, even though I wanted to continue staring at Luke.
Chris was already dressed and gone when I returned to my locker. His locker door was just open with nothing inside of it. Again, I felt a little guilty for just blatantly staring at Luke in Chris’ presence, but I had to keep reminded myself that now it was okay for me to do that. I didn’t have to restrain myself just because Chris fucked me over. I could do whatever I wanted to…perhaps even do whoever I wanted to. But even though Luke was really hot, I had no intentions of fucking him. Most of me was still devoted to Chris. I still had lingering faith that he Chris would come around, and he would realize the mistake he made, and we would get back together. But at the same time, I wasn’t going to wait around for him all day and night, for him to change his mind. I figured that if Chris wanted me, he would find a way to. I wasn’t going to spend my time trying to convince him to take me back. I had to show some pride in myself.
Luke walked up behind me, naked. His fingers slid over my naked ass as he walked by. “What are you up to, now?” he asked, smiling. I gazed down at his still hard dick.
“Nothin’,” I said, “what about you?”
“I’m up for whatever,” he answered. He definitely was up. I thought about reaching over and touching his hard dick, to see how good it would feel like, but I didn’t. “That was your boyfriend in there, wasn’t it? Chris?”
I put on my shirt and jeans. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”
Luke smiled. “That so?”
“Sure is.”
Luke stepped up closer to me. I could smell his clean scent. “You wanna do somethin tonight?”
I thought about it for a few seconds. “No,” I said simply. Luke hadn’t expected me to say that. A deep frown crossed his good-looking face. “Some other time,” I said.
“You sure?” he asked.
I put on my shoes in a hurry. As I stood up, I took Luke’s dick in my hand and gave it a few hard tugs. “Definitely,” I said. I released Luke’s cock, grabbed my backpack, and made my way out of the locker room, smiling to myself.
On my way out of the main gates, I saw Chris. He was standing against the gate, and he looked like he was waiting. I didn’t know if he was waiting for Billy or Scott. I sure as hell didn’t think he was waiting for me.
“Where’s the Blockhead,” Chris asked as I approached him.
“Tryin to get his dick to go down,” I said.
“Maybe you should be tryin to do the same thing.” Chris said. He followed me as I walked out of the gates.
“Maybe you should mind your own fuckin business, Chris.”
“Don’t talk to me like that, B.”
I laughed. “I’ll talk to you anyway I fuckin want to, Chris. What are you gonna do? Kick my ass? I dare you.”
Chris didn’t say anything. He just stared at me with that quiet fury in his eyes.
“Anything else you wanna say to me before I leave?” I asked Chris.
“Don’t fuck him,” Chris said.
“Who, Luke? But he’ so good-looking. I don’t think I’ll be able to keep away from him.”
“I’m serious, Brandon.”
“So am I. We had this conversation before, Chris. You asked me not to fuck Jason and I didn’t. Look where that left us. Maybe doing the opposite of what you ask of me will bring better results. What do you think?”
“If you fuck him, B…”
“What? You’ll break up with me? No, you already did that you fuckin asshole. Sorry, Chris. You don’t get to be possessive over me anymore. You fucked yourself over when you fucked me over.” I shrugged. “There’s nothin that can be done about it now.”
“You know I still want you, B.” Chris said. “You know I didn’t mean forever. I just meant I needed to take a break for a little while.”
“Thought you didn’t believe in forever. That’s what you told me last night. You can’t pick and choose when you want to be with me, Chris and expect me to be there waiting for you. If you wouldn’t do it for me, why should I do it for you?”
“Because you love me,” Chris said. “You said you loved me.”
“And obviously that meant nothing. Obviously I should’ve just kept my fuckin mouth shut.”
I turned to walk away. I had finished everything I wanted to say and there was nothing else I really wanted to hear from Chris. He didn’t call me back or follow after me. But I didn’t care this time. I didn’t feel bad and I didn’t feel disappointed. Instead I felt vindicated and proud of myself for saying exactly what I wanted to say. About halfway down the street, I turned around to see if Chris was still there. He was. He watched me walk away from him until I was too far for him to see. A part of me wanted to run back to him – but I knew I couldn’t. I had to remember that he was the one that ruined our relationship. I had to remember.
To be continued…

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