Sex Joke

Cold Hands

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, ‘My hands are freezing cold.’
The mother replied, ‘Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up.’
The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said, ‘My hands are freezing cold.’
The girl replied, ‘Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up.’
He did and warmed his hands.
The following day, the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, ‘My nose is cold.’
The girl replied, ‘Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up’.
He did and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, ‘My penis is frozen solid.’
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, ‘Have you ever heard of a penis?’
Slightly concerned the mother said,’ Why, yes…?! Why do you ask?’
The daughter replies, ‘They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don’t they?

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Did you like what you saw?

One evening, Mike went over to his friend’s house to play cards with Terry and some other friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry’s wife Susan.
When Mike dropped a playing card on the floor and bent down to pick it up, he looked across underneath the table and saw that Terry’s wife had her legs wide open with no panties on. Mike then sat up and tried hiding the fact that he was flushed.
When Mike went into the kitchen to get a drink of water, to his surprise, Susan had followed him into the kitchen and said in a sultry voice, “Did you like what you saw?”
Mike replied with enthusiasm, “Yes, I did!”
Terry’s wife then said, “Well, you can get more than a look, but it will cost you $500.”
So Mike thought about his financial situation and said okay.
Susan then said, “Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work.”
Mike said with a smile, “I’ll see you then.”
The next afternoon Mike went over, they had sex, he gave her the $500, then he left.
Later that evening, Terry came home and asked his wife, “Has Mike been over here today?”
Thinking she had been caught, she said, “As a matter of fact, he did.”
Terry said, “Good! Because that fool came by my office early this morning and asked to borrow $500. He said he’d pay me back before suppertime, which sounded a bit quirky, but I gave it to him anyway. He said he would probably leave the money with you.”

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A Bad Time For Honesty

DJ: “Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of ‘MateMatch’?”
Contestant: (laughing) “Yes, I have.”
DJ: “Great! Then you know we’re giving away a trip to Orlando , Florida if you win. What is your name? First name only please.”
Contestant: “Brian.”
DJ: “Brian, are you married or what?”
Brian: “Yes.”
DJ: “Yes? Does that mean you’re married or you’re what?”
Brian: (laughing nervously) “Yes, I am married.”
DJ: “Thank you. Now, what is your wife’s name? First only please.”
Brian: “Sara.”
DJ: “Is Sara at work, Brian?”
Brian: “She is gonna kill me.”
DJ: “Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?”
Brian: (laughing) “Yes, she’s at work.”
DJ: “Okay, first question – when was the last time you had sex?”
Brian: “She is gonna kill me.”
DJ: “Brian! Stay with me here!”
Brian: “About 8 o’clock this morning.”
DJ: “Atta boy, Brian.”
Brian: (laughing sheepishly) “Well…”
DJ: “Question #2 – How long did it last?”
Brian: “About 10 minutes.”
DJ: “Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn’t at stake.”
Brian: “Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.”
DJ: “Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o’clock this morning?”
Brian: (laughing hard) “I, ummm, I, well…”
DJ: “This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?”
Brian: “Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks…”
DJ: “Uh huh…”
Brian: “…and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.”
DJ: “Atta boy, Brian.”
Brian: “On the kitchen table.”
DJ: “Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I’ve done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife’s work number and call her up. You listen to this.”-3 minutes of commercials follow
DJ: “Okay audience, let’s call Sarah, shall we?”(touch tones…. ringing….)
Clerk: “Kinkos.”
DJ: “Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?”
Clerk: “This is she.”
DJ: “Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We are live on the air right now and I’ve been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.”
Sarah: (laughing) “A couple of hours?”
DJ: “Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away o r you’ll lose. So do you know the rules of ‘MateMatch’?”
Sarah: “No.”
DJ: “Good!”
Brian: (laughing)
Sarah: (laughing) “Brian, what the hell are you up to?”
Brian (laughing) “Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest.”
DJ: “Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian’s answers, then the both of you will be off to Orlando , Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World. Sea World. Tickets to the Magic’s game. The whole deal. Get it Sarah?”
Sarah: (laughing) “Yes.”
DJ: “Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?”
Sarah: “Oh God, Brian….uh, this morning before Brian went to work.”
DJ: “What time?”
Sarah: “Around 8 this morning.”
DJ: “Very good. Next question. How long did it last?”
Sarah: “12, 15 minutes maybe.”
DJ: “Hmmmm. That’s close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We’ve got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to Florida. Are you ready?”
Sarah: (laughing) “Yes.”
DJ: “Where did you have it?”
Sarah: “OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn’t tell them that, did you?”
Brian: “Just tell him, honey.”
DJ: “What is bothering you so much, Sarah?”
Sarah: “Well, it’s just that my mom is vacationing with us and…”
DJ: Come on Sarah…..where did you have it?
Sarah: “Up the ass…..”
After a long pause, the DJ said, “OK Folks, we need to take a station break……

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Natalie

Just a joke I remembered, I didn’t see it under the jokes, but if it’s there, I am sorry that it seems like I’m copying other people’s work

Taking a Dump

These sort of jokes arn’t my usual style, but a friend seems to think you guys will like them, so anyway, here it is…..

The Siblings: Chapter 3, Patty

READ THIS INTRODUCTION FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, it’s here; the third chapter in the story. Now, this one is a little different than the previous chapters. I will say now it is about Alex playing one of her erotic little jokes, and it is less romantic than the previous ones. Remember that every one of these chapters is different!!!!!!!!
If you don’t like this one, you may adore the next one, and vice versa. Don’t start hating the entire book because you don’t like one chapter. I will even mention that one of them, not this one, has a short paragraph involving pee. If this isn’t your thing, skip it over, but it is still a romantic paragraph about accepting the flaws as well as perfections of a person you love. I have warned you!
I own none of this! It belongs to a man named Michael K. Smith, and I have no rights to it. I am simply uploading it because of my deep love for it. For me, it turns other erotic fiction to mindless drabble. If this is your first time reading this book, then I suggest you start with the beginning so you aren’t left behind. It’s you choice, but that’s what I suggest. And now, enjoy:
___________________________________________________________________________________
Patty
by Michael K. Smith
[From Chapter 5; set in 1971; he’s 16, she’s 15.]
One comfortably warm afternoon in October, I was taking a nap in my room, having exhausted myself with several hours of freestyle practice. There was no one else in the house, so the sound of the front door opening and closing, followed by girlish giggles on the stair, half woke me. Then some part of my brain registered that the giggling was a conversation between two different voices and I came fully awake, though some instinct kept me from moving.
I recognized the other voice as belonging to Patty Jensen, who was also on the swim team and was one of Alex’s best girl friends. Patty was a cute little blonde with large, blue, innocent eyes, a snub nose, and a wide, sensuous mouth filled with very white teeth. Her pale, wavy hair swung against the nape of her neck in a ponytail and she tanned nicely. She was shorter than Alex by a couple of inches but somewhat meatier (my unconsidered opinion before that afternoon); she had been one of the first girls in Alex’s class to buy a bra because she actually needed it.
Yet she was both a popular date and well-liked by the other girls in her group — no small achievement. She seemed to be smitten with the idea of love and sex but was still uneasy about the reality. She also exuded pheromones uncontrollably and the reaction and attention of the boys who wandered within range often bewildered her.
Alex ushered Patty into her room across the hall and gave her door a halfhearted shove; it stood open a foot, but privacy was not something we had ever taken seriously Upstairs. I lay on my bed in my cutoffs, casually eavesdropping, until I picked up the words “bikini” and “sexy.” What in the world was going on?
I rose quietly, silently opened my own door, and slipped into the hall. In ordinary circumstances, I wasn’t the Peeping Tom type. I never joined in when my gym class found new ways to intrude in the girls’ locker room. Why should I? I could see all the skin I wanted at home. But this was a different situation and a different girl, and in most ways I was still no different from any other fifteen-year-old boy.
I peered through Alex’s doorjamb to see where the two were. I could watch Alex openly at any time and she wouldn’t mind, but Patty was definitely an “outsider,” even though she had been invited Upstairs. They were sitting crosslegged, side by side on Alex’s brass bed, dumping out the contents of two small shopping bags labeled MALIBU BIKINI SHOP.
I knew that place; even the limbless manikins in the window were exciting! In each bag was a small bundle wrapped in tissue, and each bundle was unwrapped to reveal two remarkably tiny strips of brightly colored cloth.
Patty was smoothing out her new neon-red bikini on the bedspread in front of her. “My dad would kill me if he saw me wearing this at the beach!”
She giggled and lifted the cups of the halter top so they looked like two miniature tents. Without realizing it, she tugged a little at the tips of her bra and compared the result.
Alex’s suit was just as brilliant a shade of cerulean blue, which I knew would contrast electrically with her hair and eyes.
“Well? Let’s try ’em on!” said Alex, scrambling off the bed.
“Here?” Patty looked dubious.
“Of course, ‘here’,” Alex laughed. “You’re going to wear that Do-It-Now suit at the beach in front of thousands of ravenous boys, aren’t you? Don’t you want to know what it really looks like on you first? Especially since they wouldn’t let us try them on at the store?” She was already unzipping her jeans.
“I have a full-length mirror in my room at home,” Patty pointed out.
“Uh-huh. And what was it you just said about your father? Besides, we need to help each other adjust the fit, for maximum effect!” Her voice was muffled by the knit top she was pulling off over her head, and then she was standing there in bra and panties, a hand on one hip, waiting for her friend to catch up.
Patty looked up a bit shyly and surveyed the sleekness of Alex’s body. I made a bet with myself that she admired my sister’s trimness — but that she also thought her own breasts would even up the score. If she could work up the nerve to strip.
“Well,. . .” Patty stood up slowly but then began rapidly shucking off her jeans and sweatshirt before she lost momentum. Both girls were facing generally in my direction and I was careful to stand back from the door crack a few inches. Patty seemed momentarily shocked when Alex dropped and stepped out of her panties. I was merely surprised; when had that happened?
My sister’s curly red-brown pubic thatch had been trimmed and regimented. Her crotch was now shaved bare at the sides and she was completely naked between her legs, obviously so she would only show at the beach what she intended to show. The effect was to make her appear even slimmer than she was, and a bit more vulnerable as well. I liked the effect. Alex stood calmly naked, waiting for Patty to finish undressing — she was giving her encouragement by example, I thought.
Patty dropped her bra and bent over to push down her panties. Her breasts swung out invitingly and I stored the image away as a mental polaroid for the next time I needed a fantasy. She stood up and took a breath.
Little Patty actually had a much nicer body than I had given her credit for. She had some extra flesh but it was smooth and lightly tanned; she was becoming voluptuous, not fat or flabby. I should have realized that anyone who could make the swim team in the first place would be in top physical condition.
The wider flair of her hips made her look like an Earth-mother-in-training and her stomach was flat and muscular. Her legs were proportioned to her lesser height. She wasn’t a natural blonde, though. Her pubic hair was a rich brown mat that entirely concealed her crotch and much of her groin. Her shoulders were broader than Alex’s, and while her breasts were much fuller than my sister’s, her small pink nipples stood up right where they should. She might be a little overbalanced, but there was no sag. I immediately revised my opinion of her looks.
Alex gave her friend’s breasts a grin and a nod of approval. “You have really nice tits, Patty. Not like these. . . .” She cupped and lifted her own pair as Patty blushed at the intimate compliment and then lifted her own breasts. They filled both hands. I knew quite well that my sister was perfectly happy with the shape of her own body; she was just putting Patty at ease.
I also noticed that Patty seemed to follow Alex’s lead in many of her physical movements. I began to suspect that she regarded my sister as a model of gracefulness and poise. (I certainly did.)
Then both girls turned back to the bed and began sorting out their new beach assault weapons. Patty had a rather larger ass than Alex, but it fit right in with the rest of her equipment. Alex got her suit on first.
The bottom part was cut as low in front as she could get away with; if she hadn’t trimmed her pubic hair it would have curled over the hem. The top of the suit was a simple elastic bandeau that went on over her head. She didn’t need straps for support — but Patty certainly did.
Patty’s suit had a halter top with one shoelace-sized string around the back and another behind her neck. The bottom part had string ties at the sides that could gather the suit in from a conservative three-inch-wide band to a very narrow connecting strip. And the narrower the strip, I saw, the lower the suit would ride on her hips.
They each examined themselves in the long mirror and then stepped back and studied each other critically, measuring psychological effect and searching for the smallest flaws. I had to admit it: They were different types, but both girls were sexy and beautiful. I had personal preferences, but I could also think of a dozen guys just in my home room who would go to serious lengths for a chance to cuddle up with Patty at the beach.
Patty put her hands out to her sides and shrugged helplessly. “What can I say, Alex? You look terrific!” Alex blushed at her friend’s honest compliment but also managed to look pleased with herself.
“Hey, I just thought of something,” Alex said, and reached up to the top shelf of her closet to pull down a shoebox. When she stretched on tiptoe like that, the bottom of her bikini seemed about to slither down to her ankles. She was going to have to be careful in volleyball games, I thought.
After a moment she dug out the pair of deep green satin shoes I had bought her to go with her country club dress. “I got these as a gift last summer to go with a party dress. I think you were on vacation with your folks.”
She slipped on the shoes and became instantly sexier. High heels are undoubtedly bad for a woman’s feet, but they can sure do wonders for the long curves of her legs.
Alex put her hands on her hips and thrust out her chest. She began strutting across the room, swinging her ass and pointing her toes with each step. Patty was laughing in delight and clapping.
“That’s great, Alex, really! You ought to enter a beauty contest some day — you got the moves down perfect!”
I was smiling, too. Alex could clown around but she was truly gorgeous — and she knew I thought so, and that made both of us feel good. But her parade across the room had brought her close to her bedroom door before I realized where she was headed. I made the mistake of stepping back from the doorjamb too late and Alex’s quick eye caught the movement.
In the second or two before she turned, her face showed surprise, then amusement, then thoughtfulness — and then mischievous delight as she suddenly had an inspiration. Two steps back toward the bed, humming “The Stripper,” Alex paused and rotated in a slow, exaggerated bump and grind while Patty crowed with laughter. And as she turned, she gave me a broad wink. She had an audience now and she intended to take advantage of it.
I had no idea what her instant plan might entail, but I was sure it would involve Patty. She wouldn’t hurt Patty, I knew; she liked the other girl too much as a friend. And if Patty was lucky, she would never know she had been the victim of a prank. My sister and I had many, many private jokes that the rest of the world was never let in on.
Alex was back at her friend’s side, now. She smiled and kicked the shoes under the bed, and then stepped back to look more closely at Patty. She parked one open hand on a canted hip — a calculated pose if I ever saw one — while Patty twisted her pearl pinky ring and waited a little nervously for Alex’s verdict.
“Patty, you look really nice in that suit — in fact, you look great! That kind of red means ‘Stop, Look, and Listen,’ and the boys are gonna do just that.” The little blonde beamed radiantly.
“But–” (Alex pointed a finger dramatically at the other girl’s navel) “–you’re wearing that suit much too conservatively!”
“What?!” Patty squeaked. “I feel almost naked already!” She looked down at the narrow red strips. “How can this possibly be ‘conservative’?”
Alex knelt on one knee in front of her and said in a mock stern tone, “They put these ties here for a reason, but you still have them let all the way out. Haven’t you seen those teeny little bikinis in action at the beach?” She began cinching up the string on one side.
“But those girls are in college, or at least high school juniors and seniors! I won’t be fifteen for another month!”
“So? You’re never too young to be sexy! Besides, think of the fifteen-year-old boys. They watch the college girls with the grown-up bodies, sure, but they know they’ll never get within ten yards of any of them. And then they’ll turn around, and there you’ll be, a dazzling blonde their own age in a red bikini, and their eyes will fall out on the sand. They’ll stumble all over themselves, and get tongue-tied trying to talk to you, and you’ll have to hold them off with a beach umbrella! Now that’s POWER!”
She had cinched up the strings on both sides of Patty’s suit while Patty’s expression said she was imagining the scene at the beach — and enjoying it. Now Alex pulled the front of the red suit two inches lower so it marked a straight line across Patty’s lower abdomen. Then she turned her around quickly, before she could react, and tugged the back of her suit lower as well, almost exposing the cleft between her cheeks. Patty was spun to the front again.
“Have to make the most of those tits, too,” Alex said as she stood up. She held the lower string of Patty’s halter top with one hand and began experimentally sliding the cups farther apart, exposing a much more generous cleavage. Patty stood helplessly, caught up in Alex’s radicalization of what she obviously thought was already a very daring bikini.
“Untie the bottom string.” Patty did as she was told but clutched the strings at her sides.
“We move the string farther up under your boobs to make ’em stand out, . . . okay, tie it again.” Patty’s breasts looked larger now and more nearly spherical. Alex stepped behind her.
“Now, we cheat gravity a little . . .” She untied the halter string behind Patty’s neck. “Lift your boobs, Patty; c’mon, use your hands!”
Alex retied the neck string and stepped back. “Now, go take a look in the mirror, kid — every boy you meet is going to have an instant hard-on. You’re going to have to wear a name tag: ‘Hi, my name is Patty, and please don’t come in your trunks’!”
Patty’s face suggested she had just survived a whirlwind, but when she saw her quarter-profile in the long mirror her mouth fell open and she stared.
Her bust looked to be a full cup size larger than it already was, and the skinny little sides of the bottom of her suit emphasized the earthy flair of her hips and made her legs look longer. In a word, she was luscious. She unconsciously arched her back a little more and cocked one hip. She looked speechlessly at Alex, who grinned and made an ‘O’ with thumb and forefinger.
“What did I tell you? You believe me now?” She moved up close to Patty.
“Now — if you’ll trust me with a sewing machine, I think we ought to take in the sides of each of these about a half-inch. . . .” She tucked under the edges of each halter cup with her fingers and managed to stroke the surfaces of Patty’s breasts as she did so.
“I’m going to take in my top some, I think, and remove the lining so my nipples will show through.” She looked down at her bandeau as she pulled down its top edge as far as her brown areolae.
“I do have great nipples, don’t I?” Patty watched, somehow unaware that right now their breasts, bellies, crotches, and thighs all were less than two inches apart.
Alex moved her hands slightly and then she was casually, gently, lifting the weight of Patty’s breasts. The other girl seemed hypnotized; I knew the feeling. Alex sighed.
“Gee, I wish I had boobs like these.” No, she didn’t, but I was beginning to understand where Alex’s game was going. At fourteen, my sister was already an artist at seduction. She had a talent for it when she chose to use it, and I was the proof; when she wanted something from me she nearly always got it.
Alex withdrew her hands before her friend could think of anything to say and casually removed her own suit. “If you’ll leave that outfit with me for a day or two, I’ll brew you up some magic, okay?”
Patty was pulling off her suit, too — mostly because Alex had done so, but she didn’t realize that. She nibbled at her lower lip for a second.
“Alex? I’m glad I have someone like you for a friend.” She was sweet and sincere, and still astonished by her transformation in the mirror. “Why are you so much smarter about boys than I am?”
Alex gave her a surprised glance and then a genuinely warm smile. “I’m glad we’re friends, too, Patty. You’re one of the very nicest people I know. And I’m *not* smarter; maybe I just work at it harder.” I’ll bet you’ve also had a *lot* more practice, I thought, and smiled.
Patty really was a nice girl, besides being sexier than I would have expected. Then Alex put her arms around her in an affectionate girl-girl hug and Patty responded in kind. It would have seemed the most innocent embrace in the world, had they not both been naked.
Again, Alex quit first. She looked around the room for a moment while one hand absently stroked her tiny tuft of pubic hair. Then she looked at her crotch in apparent surprise.
“I almost forgot! There’s something else you need to do before you can wear that bikini.”
“What?”
“This!” My sister spread her thighs slightly, bent her knees, and pushed her crotch forward to display her cropped pubic patch.
“If you don’t trim it back, your hair will stick out the sides of your suit. Remember Mary Elizabeth’s first dive in the tank suit she borrowed from her older sister? It looked like her pussy was drowning and trying to escape!” Both girls burst into peals of laughter. I wished I had been present at *that* practice.
Patty fluffed her large bush thoughtfully. Without being aware of it, she was becoming used to being naked around Alex, who always walked and behaved exactly the same way whether she was dressed or not. Especially when she knew she was safe at home, my sister had totally lost what other people might regard as modesty, and her unconcerned attitude toward bare skin sometimes rubbed off on other people.
“You really think I have too much hair down there?”
“Well, you don’t have it shave it completely . . . although that *would* attract attention.”
Patty looked momentarily alarmed before she realized that Alex was teasing her, and then she smiled prettily. “Well, I can trim it down at home.”
“I thought you bought a Lady Something-or-Other electric because you kept nicking your legs? And I don’t think your dad would appreciate finding pussy hairs in his shaving cream. Besides, an electric leaves a stubble; it really itches.”
Patty looked baffled. “Embroidery scissors?”
“It’s not just the length,” Alex explained. “It’s the width. You need a strip of bare skin on each side and underneath. Also, with that much hair, when it gets wet, it soaks up water like a sponge and it expands. Like in the shower?” She stroked her index fingers down her own newly-mown crotch. Patty watched in fascination and continued to pluck at her own bush.
Alex looked her solemnly in the eye. “I’d be happy to do it for you if you’d trust me to, Patty. I’ll be very careful not to nick you. And if we do it here, your father won’t ever know about it, right?” I held my breath. This was the crucial point in what I suspected Alex was planning.
“Uh, nobody’s ever touched me there, except my doctor.” She was talking mostly to herself.
“Patty, your gynecologist is a man and he practically shoves his whole fist up in you, doesn’t he? Most of ’em do.” Patty looked a bit dazed, but nodded.
“I’m a girl and I’m your friend, aren’t I? Friends help each other out, especially with things you can’t really go to your folks about. And I’ll be very careful, I promise.” Alex was speaking softly and soothingly, now, and I could tell Patty was allowing herself to be talked into this adventure.
“Well,.. I guess you’re right. I guess I do have too much hair for a bikini. Besides,” she added with a self-deprecating twinkle, “I don’t think I could see what I was doing!” She spread her breasts apart with both hands and peered down between them. Her subconscious had come up with the perfect way of asserting her physical superiority to Alex in the one department she was absolutely sure of. She had even turned it into a sexy joke. Patty had definitely loosened up in the past hour.
“Okay, why don’t you empty off that chair while I get the stuff?” Alex was all business now. The chair she waved at was an old wooden kitchen piece, straight-backed and armless, repainted bright yellow. It served as a seat, stepping stool, clothes rack, and especially as a gathering place for junk. Alex was keeping her friend occupied while she went next door to the bathroom.
I stepped back against the wall as Alex came out of her bedroom. Thirty seconds later she was back with her safety razor and a new blade, her needlework scissors and a small comb, and two bath towels — and my shaving mug and brush (I had ambitions). I pointed at the brush and nodded in approval. Alex pointed to her eye, which meant “Watch and see.”
Patty was standing a bit nervously by the now-empty chair, fingering her pubic hair protectively. Her body language always spoke volumes and yet she remained unaware of it. Remaining naked herself, as another kind of supportive body language, Alex folded a towel and draped it neatly over the chair seat, and then adjusted the chair’s angle so my view would be unimpeded.
“Would milady care to park it?” She made a theatrical flourish and Patty sat down with her knees and feet together and her hands in her lap. Alex knelt before her.
“Umm. Patty, dear — I have to be able to get to the work site,” Alex explained gently and laid one hand lightly on the other girl’s knee.
With Alex’s quiet prompting, Patty finally got settled. She found herself scooted far forward on her coccyx with her pussy cantilevered over the front of the chair. Her knees were spread as wide as for any gynecologist and her heels were hooked over the rungs on the sides of the chair. To keep herself from sliding off, she had a grip on the chair’s back slats above her shoulders, which also had the effect of lifting and pressing her breasts together.
I had wondered why Alex didn’t simply have her lie on a towel on the bed. Now I knew why. The little blonde was vulnerable and wide open to the world; she looked like a pose from HUSTLER.
Working slowly and carefully, Alex untangled Patty’s pubic hair with the comb and trimmed it down to shaving level. Then she quickly whipped up a mug full of suds and twirled the brush in it as she had seen me do. She slowly stropped the brush up and down between Patty’s legs — not only on the sides of her crotch but vertically across her clit and downward below her cunt, almost to her asshole. There was quite a bit of hair in front of Patty’s puckered little opening. Patty’s eyes flickered closed and her lips began to twitch; she was feeling something but she wasn’t going to admit it, not even to herself.
I watched in fascination as my sister slowly and carefully cleared a bare area on each side of Patty’s half-open cunt; I suspected she could work a lot more rapidly if she cared to. She seemed to completely ignore the protruding clit that emerged from its sheath of its own volition.
Alex did very neat work, squaring the thick tangle into a neat, brush-like vertical hedge and shortening its length overall. She also managed to lean her forearms frequently on Patty’s splayed knees and to drag her own nipples across the inner surfaces of Patty’s thighs. Several times she moved her head in close — just being careful, you know — and opened her mouth wide, breathing warm air directly onto Patty’s clit. She continued, meticulously shaving clean the entire area toward the back of Patty’s crotch.
Finally, she wiped off the soap with the other towel, being sure the coarse material traveled the whole length of her friend’s gaping cunt. She handed Patty a large hand mirror so she could view the result.
“Now we don’t want you to get razor burn — happens a lot the first time you shave.” She picked up a bottle of moisturizing cream from behind the chair, uncapped it, and dribbled a stream of the pale cream down both sides of Patty’s crotch, and then down the sheath of her clit.
Patty gasped and her toes curled at the touch of the cool, thick liquid. Alex slowly spread the cream up and down the creases of her crotch and her exposed lips. She spread it evenly over the clitoral sheath. The covering hand moved back and Patty’s clit, pinkish red and twitching involuntarily, emerged and grew.
Alex’s forefinger lightly smoothed the cream down the center of the cunt before her, touching but not penetrating the opening, and continued to the satiny area between the bottom of her wide-open pussy and the darker, ridged opening below. Patty was holding her breath, and so was I, but Alex’s finger stopped just short and lifted away.
The brush, Alex’s careful but persistent manipulation of her labia, the friction of the towel, and finally the soothing cream had all done their work. Patty’s breath was coming in erratic puffs as she gazed in amazement through half-closed eyes at her newly revealed crotch.
She passed her own hand over the smooth, soft surfaces and curves, even drawing one finger dazedly across the tip of her clit. It abruptly struck me that Patty’s general shyness, the apparent attitudes of her parents, and the thick, rapid growth of her pubic thatch probably had prevented her from ever getting a close look at her own genitals. ALL of this was a new experience for her.
Alex apparently drew the same conclusion and added it to her plan. Still kneeling on the floor between Patty’s knees, she spread her own legs and leaned back on her heels, her nipples visibly elongating. Her middle finger glided down into her own slit and disappeared, and she sighed lightly. “You know, trimming your pussy also makes it easier to get yourself off,” she said quietly.
Patty shook her head vigorously. “No, I don’t do that! My dad caught me . . . uh, playing with myself when I was twelve and he beat the crap out of me! Besides, it isn’t good for you.” What do you think has just been happening? I wondered.
Alex continued stroking herself, mostly for Patty’s visual benefit, but she gave her friend a sympathetic look. “What do you do when you get horny, then? And *don’t* tell me you never get horny!”
It hadn’t occurred to Patty that she could put her legs down; they were still spread wide and her clit was twitching more frequently. One hand held the mirror and the other began absently to stroke the neat pad of hair that remained as she studied its reflection.
“I just get frustrated, I guess,” she said softly. “Sometimes, though, when I’m alone, I squeeze my legs together and I feel a sort of tingle.” She didn’t notice that she had contradicted her earlier denial.
“Patty, it’s called ‘masturbation,’ not ‘playing with yourself,’ and it’s a natural part of sex — and sex is a natural part of life. *Not* masturbating is what’s abnormal! I’m still a virgin — yes, I am! — and I had my first orgasm a year ago by masturbating myself. And it felt wonderful!” Alex’s fingers were beginning to move up and down like slender pistons.
“You can’t just go on being horny and frustrated! Doing yourself takes the edge off. You can keep control of yourself with a boy when he gets you hot because you know you can always finish it later. Otherwise, some guy is going to get you so worked up you’ll let him fuck you just to get it over with, to release the pressure — and it might not be the right guy or the right time and place. Boys jerk off all the time, you know that, and it’s a lot harder for them to hide it! And if it’s natural for them to do it, why shouldn’t girls do it, too? Look at your body, Patty! It’s ready for you to get pregnant and have a baby. But you can tell it to be patient and still have all the fun part of sex.”
Alex’s fingers were acting independently of her mouth, caressing and tugging at her clit and pressing its sheath back to expose more of it. The tiny red shaft glistened moistly. Patty couldn’t take her eyes off that busy hand. She tried half-heartedly to conceal her own cunt by cupping her hand over it, but her legs were still splayed out.
“I don’t think I know how,” she said in a small voice with a sudden low sob at the end.
My sister wasn’t close to orgasm yet, I could tell that, but her fingers slowed and stopped. She could save herself up, remaining at a high sexual pitch but picking her own moment for a climax. I had seen her do that before, too, and it always astonished me. *I* certainly didn’t have that kind of control.
Alex stood and bent over Patty, her hands on the other girl’s shoulders. Her breasts moved in a shallow curve a few inches before Patty’s face. Her nipples were as erect and rigid as pencil erasers.
“Patty, I’ve never been a teacher before, and I’m sure no sex expert, but my pussy is something I know real well. I admit it — virgin or not, I enjoy sex. And when I do pick out the guy I want to pop my cherry, I’m going to be ready. No fumbling around, no confusion. I’m going to know what I’m doing.” She put a hand behind each of Patty’s thighs, lifted her legs from the chair rungs, and set her feet together on the floor. Then she pulled her to her feet.
Patty clutched Alex’s upper arms and put her forehead against her shoulder. She canted one hip, which pressed what remained of her pubic hair against Alex’s thigh; my sister’s crotch was in a similar situation. Alex glided both her hands up and down the small of Patty’s back and murmured soothingly in her ear as the soft sobbing continued.
Patty made a strange picture, standing there: naked and sexy, but shy, breasts trembling against Alex’s as she tried to control her tears, moisture reflecting from her eyelashes as she kept her head down in embarrassment — not because she was naked and nipple-to-nipple in another girl’s embrace, but because her clit was throbbing wetly and she didn’t know what to do about it. She was desirable and she knew it, but the very lushness of her own body frightened her. It sounded like her father wasn’t being much help, either. Watching through the doorjamb, I felt a surprising wave of sympathy for little Patty.
Alex had played her prank, exposing the most intimate parts of Patty’s body to me in great detail — which had hurt no one but would provide us with hours of conversation later — and arousing her friend’s untried sensuality into the bargain.
But Alex truly liked Patty and now she obviously intended to try to help her friend become less sexually helpless. The fact that she knew I was still watching was irrelevant.
Alex sat both of them down on the side of the bed, thighs again pressed side-to-side, and put her arm comfortingly around her friend’s shoulder.
“Patty, sex is supposed to be fun,” she began, “and I promise you it is, if you know what you’re doing. It’s not something you should be afraid of. I know — there are guys you have to be careful of because they get carried away, even if they’re sorry afterwards. And some guys are just selfish, unfeeling sons-of-bitches.” Patty nodded in agreement; I had a feeling she had run into a few of those, just as Alex had.
“But, Patty, that isn’t your fault and it doesn’t make sex bad. And most guys are okay. You’re a beautiful girl and they’re more likely to be afraid of *you*. That’s why they get tongue-tied and act silly sometimes. They just don’t know what else to do.”
Alex glanced for a moment at the crack in the door where I stood. “Let me give you an example. The boy I know best is the one I live with, okay? My brother, Michael. He and I get along — in fact we’re pretty good friends. Now, let me ask you: Do you think he’s good-looking?”
Patty looked up at her in surprise, as if it were a silly question. “Sure, I think he’s very good looking.”
“Okay,” Alex went on. “Is he sexy?” I wondered how many games she was playing? Or had the identity of the contestant simply changed?
Patty hesitated. “Yeah, I guess he is. I mean, I’ve never gone out with him, of course, but he smiles at me in school. But maybe that’s because he knows you and I are friends,” she concluded doubtfully.
“That’s negative thinking, Patty!” Alex smiled. “Anyway, I’ve seen a lot more of him than you have, and *I* sure think he’s sexy! If he weren’t my brother, he might even be the one I’d pick to give my virginity to.”
That got my attention. Patty looked a little startled but interested. Alex was stroking the inside of her friend’s thigh, but Patty seemed not to notice.
“I’ve seen him naked a few times, like in the bathroom. He has swimmer-muscles, too, remember. And a nice butt. And a very interesting looking cock.” She lowered her voice conspiratorially.
“Once, I watched him jerking off in the shower, because the shower door wasn’t fogged up too much to conceal it. His cock looked huge, and when he shot off it really made me hot! So I came back in here and fantasized about it and got myself off. You see what I’m saying? He came in the shower, by himself, and I came in my bed, by myself, and we both enjoyed it.”
“But I don’t know how to– to get myself off. I’ve tried just rubbing it — I mean, I . . .” She was admitting to more than she had intended but Alex laughed and squeezed her shoulder encouragingly.
“Well, I can take care of that! Scoot up here, Patty . . .” Alex pushed herself backwards, against the brass headboard and put her legs straight out in front of her. “Over here, next to me.” She put her hand flat on the bed beside her.
Patty hesitated again for a long second, then turned and crawled over next to Alex — who moved over an inch so the entire length of their flanks were pressed warmly together. Alex brushed the instep of her right foot against the sole of Patty’s left. Patty’s toes curled over.
“Now, follow me. . . .” My sister arched her back slightly and cupped her breasts in her hands, massaging and tugging at her nipples. She took a deep breath of enjoyment. “Think of someone whose hands you want to imagine on your body.”
Patty followed her example, almost over-balancing when she arched her back. Her nipples were pink little buttons, much smaller than Alex’s, but they also rose under the friction of her fingertips.
“I’ve done this before, too,” Patty sighed, “but it feels different this time. It must be because we’re doing it together.” They continued stroking themselves almost in unison for several minutes, and their breathing grew heavier.
“Alex, . . . this doesn’t mean we’re, uh, lesbians, does it?”
My sister threw her head back and laughed. “No, of course not! You’re a dear, sweet girl, Patty — but you’re not the person I’m daydreaming about right now, I guarantee!” I hoped I knew who *was* in her daydream.
“Now, move your hands where you want your dream-lover to put his hands. Remember, they aren’t *your* hands right now — they’re his.”
She moved her own hands smoothly down her sides, down her upper legs, then back up the insides of her thighs. Her skin was beginning to flush lightly wherever her hands passed. Patty copied her movements and her eyelids fluttered as her imagination replaced the touch of her palms with someone else’s.
“Patty, you wouldn’t believe whose hands I’m feeling on me right now . . .” Alex shifted her gaze directly at me and smiled provocatively.
She spread her legs wide apart, sliding the left one under Patty’s. Patty bent her knees and took a similar position. Both girl’s pussies were open to me, though only one of them knew it, and the sight of two such lovely bodies being systematically aroused was almost more than I could stand.
My cock had grown thick and erect, but I couldn’t jerk off or even unzip my cutoffs, for fear Patty would hear the sound. I had to be content with hiking up one leg of my shorts enough to expose the head of my cock, which I squeezed and massaged as quietly as I could.
At Alex’s lead, the girls had both hands in their crotches now, stroking their labia between their fingers and reaching far back to tease their assholes with an occasional light touch.
Alex nudged Patty to get her attention. “Getting juicy?” she breathed.
“Oh, yes. . . !” Patty’s head was leaning partly on Alex’s shoulder.
Alex thrust two fingers up into her vagina and brought them out dripping with aromatic wetness. She began to slide her shining fingers slowly up and down her clit, which already resembled a tiny red cock.
Patty took more time with her fingers, moving them in and out of her cunt, experiencing probably for the first time the internal friction. Then she also moved her attention to her clit. Her breath began to rasp, as her fingers moved faster.
“No, Patty! Take your time — stop for a moment if you have to! Make it last and last. . . . You’ve heard about boys who are virgins, who just stick it in and come immediately? They don’t know how to pace themselves and it’s over too quickly.”
Patty obediently slowed her pace and even turned her head on Alex’s shoulder to watch my sister’s technique. Alex was doing slow rings and figure-eights with two fingertips around her clit, returning to her cunt at intervals for additional lubricant. She had done this many times and knew exactly how to sustain her own arousal.
Patty returned to her own rising passion, but using more control this time. A few minutes later, Alex began making low animal sounds in her throat and bent her head back. Her fingertips were racing around the tip and shaft of her clit, now. Then she caught her breath, jerked slightly several times, and then relaxed with a sigh. She stretched her legs out without removing her hand and simply sat quietly for a few moments in the afterglow of her climax.
My own legs were trembling so badly I had to go carefully down on one knee to keep from falling.
But Patty had stopped her finger-work, engrossed in her friend’s orgasm. Alex looked down at her with a smile. She withdrew her hand from between her legs; her fingers were wet and shiny. She raised her hand casually and traced the moisture from her fingers across Patty’s upper lip.
“You want to know what it’s really all about, Patty? Inhale deeply. That smell will drive a guy completely out of his mind.”
Hell, I could identify that particular pungent aroma all the way out in the hall. I had brought several girls to a climax by masturbating them, and they all smelled different. And I knew my sister’s scent best of all.
Then Alex became aware that Patty had stalled out. She was flushed with sexual arousal but she’d lost her way and her fingers were moving almost mechanically. Her lips were compressed in frustration; she’d climbed almost to the top of the ladder but she couldn’t quite make the last step.
Alex put one arm around her shoulders and pulled her down flat on her back on the bed and propped herself on an elbow. “I’ll help you, Patty, you’re almost there, you just need a boost to climb over the top. . . .”
Alex covered Patty’s motionless hand and her whole pubic mound with her own hand and began moving the two in a pattern together. After a minute, as Patty’s respiration rate began to increase again, Alex slid her hand under Patty’s and took control of the blonde’s pussy. Patty’s eyes were closed tightly; she may have thought it was her own fingers that were back in action. Alex dipped her fingers into Patty’s cunt for more lubrication and went to work at the base of her shaft, gradually moving toward the tip.
I don’t believe she planned what happened next. It was just the appropriate sexual thing to do, I think. My sister looked down at Patty’s head lying on her arm and smiled, and kissed her full on the lips.
Patty’s mouth reached up eagerly and returned the kiss, and she made little sounds of excitement. She was so far out of it, I think she believed it was her daydream she was kissing. Her eyes never opened. Alex raised her head as her friend’s pelvis and legs jerked uncontrollably several times. Then a brief spasm shook her whole body as she gasped and opened her mouth and curled her tongue. A final extended moan escaped her lips and then all her muscles seemed to relax at once and she lay loosely.
Alex combed Patty’s hair back out of her eyes with her fingers. The other girl had beads of sweat over her breasts and belly and she was still panting. “God, I didn’t know . . . it could feel . . . like that. . . .”
She turned over on her side to face Alex, who was propped on her elbow again. I knew my sister wasn’t going to mention the kiss. Let Patty think it was her imagination. I felt the wetness oozing down my leg; I had climaxed uncontrollably during that kiss.
There were teardrops on Patty’s lashes again, but this time for a very different reason. Her first orgasm had opened up a whole new world for her, a new self-image and new possibilities. And she realized it, too, because she slid both arms around Alex, her face pressed between my sister’s breasts, and hugged her tightly.
Alex held her closely and stroked her back, then put one leg gently over her hip. Patty’s reaction was automatic. She slipped her thigh between Alex’s and pressed it snugly up against her crotch. They lay together like that for perhaps five minutes, each floating back down to earth.
They finally unfolded themselves and sat up crosslegged on the bed, laughing quietly. Patty’s face seemed fundamentally changed, somehow, and it took a moment to see that she looked truly happy for the first time since I had known her. She was relaxed and excited at the same time, filled with new confidence, eager to try out her new red bikini on the male public. I was happy for her, too.
I turned and crawled back across the hall, being as quiet as possible. I felt as drained as though I had been responsible for Patty’s climax myself, and I didn’t even *attempt* to stand.
— END —

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You never know who you’ll meet at the Pavilion.

Sean Reynolds sat on the edge of the bed, with only a white bath towel draped across his lap to protect his modesty – a modesty that was in serious danger from the sight only a dozen or so feet away. Short of closing his eyes, it would’ve been impossible for the twenty-one year old redhead not to see the woman in whose name the motel room had been registered. She had, after all, left the door to the bathroom wide open, just so he could watch her.