Today was a day like any other. The house was empty and I had nothing to do, so I went to the local Office Max where I do my printing to ask them about a new project I was doing. When I run my errands, I don’t feel like dressing up, so I usually wear my Redskins jersey, a baseball cap, and some sweats. That day, I put on my usual and some lipstick, hoping that that would help people to not think I was gay or anything. Then I got in my car and drove on over.
The sliding doors slid open and the smell of fresh paper greeted me. I had no need for anything else in the store, so I went straight to the printing counter. At the counter, a younger boy about my daughter’s age came up to help me. He was about 6’2” tall with dark chocolate skin and the prettiest teeth I had ever seen in my life. His hair was kind of low with waves and the sides and the back were tapered. He had a goatee, and through his jet black work shirt I could see his chest poking out, showing that he worked out…regularly.
“Hey! You’re a Redskins fan?”
“Yes, I am!”
“High five!” We high- fived each other over the counter. “Did you watch the game on Sunday?”
“Actually, no I didn’t.”
“What? And you call yourself a fan?”
“Well, I was busy on Sunday so I couldn’t watch,” I lied. I only watch the Redskins when they play my sister’s team, the Cowboys. I think I only liked them because when I was a kid, my father liked them, but I don’t really watch sports.
“Aw man, good game though. Well, what can I do for you today?”
“Well, I was wondering if I could see your heaviest paper.”
“Sure.” He pulled out the paper. I felt it and played with it, and he must have noticed my face because he asked, “Is that what you’re looking for?”
“No, I’m making church fans, so I need something kind of heavy but not too heavy.”
“Okay, let me see what I can find.” He went back to his paper stack and brought out another piece of paper. “Okay, this is 120-pound paper. This might be better.”
I did my usual feel test. “Oh, this is perfect!”
“Cool. So did you want me to print something out for you?”
“Not today. I just needed to make sure you guys had it.”
“Okay, well feel free to come back anytime.”
“Thank you.” I left and went back to my lonely home.
By the next week, it was time for me to print, and I got dressed and went back to Office Max. This time I had my hair and makeup done and I was wearing my leopard print dress with the ¾-length sleeves. The dress pulled in the middle, separating and hugging my breasts. It was what I liked to call “sexy conservative”.
My three-inch pumps made their first appearance through the double doors. I walked over to the printing counter and the same boy was there working.
“Well, hello there! Don’t you look nice today?”
“Thank you. Well, I’m actually ready to print today.”
I handed him the flash drive and he started working. As the papers came off the printer he handed them to me and I went to the work station and began cutting off the white border. When I glanced up, I noticed the boy staring at me. I thought nothing of it, and then when he brought more papers for me to cut, he smiled, flashing those pretty teeth, and his eyes were low. I just politely smiled back and continued working, but since he was staring, I decided I might as well put on a show.
From then on, whenever I needed something across the table, I bent all the way over and let out a small moan. The teasing got a reaction every time! Out of my peripheral vision, I would see his head jerk to look at me every time I moaned. I must admit I enjoyed the attention. I was lacking so much of it from my own home. I finished cutting an hour after he finished printing. I walked over to the counter.
“I think I’m ready now.”
He came over to me and I could see the shape of his penis in his pants. I smiled. “I never knew cutting paper could take so long,”
“Well, I’m something of a perfectionist, so my hands don’t move as fast as your big machine does shooting off.”
He smiled widely then he quickly lowered his head and rang me up. “$10.25.”
I looked at him; I knew that wasn’t right. I had 250 double-sided color copies on this expensive paper.
He kept smiling. “I gave you the entrepreneurial discount.”
“Oh, well, thank you…” I looked at his nametag. “Robbie.”
“No problem, Ms…?”
“Matos. Kathryn Matos.” He looked confused. Of course, I don’t look mixed with anything. I have white skin and brown hair. “My husband is Latino.”
His face sank in. “Oh, you’re married?”
“Yeah.”
I must have said it weird because he said, “Oh, you’re not happy?”
“Well, Robbie, one day you’re going to get married and you’ll learn that every day isn’t going to be a happy one. But you took a vow before God and a whole lot of witnesses to stay together, so you do. Basically, the only way I can describe it is… marriage can be the shit or the shit.”
“Oh. Well, does he take you out?”
“Sometimes.” I looked at his curious face. “Why?”
“Well, maybe I can take you out sometime.”
I laughed. “Robbie, my husband is a preaching psychopath. If he found out, we’d both be dead!” I laughed. “Plus, I’m faithful.” I slid my card for my purchase and he handed me a receipt.
“Well, Mrs. Matos, a group of friends and I like to go to Applebee’s on Kempsville after nine on the weekend. If you ever get bored, you can come sit and eat with us.”
I smiled. “We’ll see, Robbie.” I walked out. Kempsville Road? I stay off of Kempsville Road. In fact, Applebee’s sits across from my neighborhood, making my street reek of steak and other goodies.
That night, I put on some smooth jams, cleaned the whole house, and lit every candle I had. When José came in from work, I was standing on the bed butt naked with my red heels on and my hair tossed all over my head.
He laughed. “Mami, what are you doing?”
“What does it look like? I’m setting the mood.”
He walked over to the bed. “Oh.” He picked me up off of the bed and stood me on the floor in front of him.
“We lost the romance, baby, and I want it back.”
He kissed me while his big arms brought me close to him. “I love you,” he whispered,
“I love you too.”
He laid me down on the bed and kissed me long and hard. In one quick motion, his pants were down to his knees and he was penetrating me.
“Wait, slow down!”
He did, for about five strokes, and then he was power-driving me again. I preferred going slow, but he was good either way. He put my breast in his mouth and teased my nipple with his tongue. Then he put his face in my neck, breathing heavily. I dug my nails in his back and he whispered, “I’m ‘bout to come.”
“No, baby, just a little longer!”
Then he let out a deep groan and I just lay there hoping the night wasn’t over. He kissed me and rolled over. “Is that it?”
“Baby, I been working all day, I’m tired.”
I just stared at him. Then he held me and said, “You know I love you, right?” and before I could answer, he was snoring in my ear.
At two a.m. I was still up. I went to the window and stared at the glowing Applebee’s sign. The restaurant was obviously closed but the sign’s light shined so bright. I lay back in bed with the three minute man and just stared at him. I remembered nights when sleep wasn’t an option, sheets were covered in sweat and other bodily fluids, and my body shook so much from multiple orgasms that I thought I was having a seizure. I remember being so happy I couldn’t wait to marry him. Now look at me. I got out of bed again, this time with my vibrator, headed for my office floor. One thing was for sure: if he wouldn’t do the job, B.O.B. would.
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“Hey, what time are you coming home tonight? Well, I thought maybe we could have a date night… But it’s Friday night. Remember when we had fun on Friday night? Okay…uh huh…all right, bye.” Another night without my husband. Well, he’d be home but I wouldn’t be. I refused to be forty-two and living like an old maid. It was only 6:00 and he had already made up in his mind that he was going to bed as soon as he got home. B.O.B. had died so I decided to get some exercise and walk to Walgreens to get some batteries. As I walked across the street, the aroma of onions, bell peppers, and cooked meats filled the air. Maybe I could stop by after nine for some half-priced appetizers.
That night, I put on my navy blue pantsuit with a coral shirt underneath and then I put on some heels.
“Where you goin’?” José asked. He was lying in the bed eating cookies and ice cream and watching bootleg movies. It was 9:30 p.m. and he had told me he was going to be so tired, yet he hadn’t gone to sleep yet!
“Applebee’s. I want to get one of those 500 calorie meals. You want to come?”
“Naw, you go ahead.” Of course he didn’t want to come. That would require him to actually spend some time with me…bastard.
I walked over to the restaurant and was greeted by a young, thin hostess. The lighting was dim and the smell of assorted delectables filled the dining room. Every flat screen TV had one of the ESPN channels on and the bar was full of men drinking and shouting to nearby tables.
“How many, ma’am?”
“Oh, uh, just one.”
“Okay. Would you like to sit at the bar?”
“Sure.” The lady handed me a menu and I walked over to the bar.
Before I could sit down I heard, “Mrs. Matos!”
I looked up and there was Robbie with a table full of young people. His face was bright and he was clearly happy to see me because he leaned forward, waving so hard that he almost knocked everyone’s drinks over. I smiled and waved back.

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