Back in the summer of 1980, I was a restless young man. I was a 19-year-old with a natural curiosity and a cocky attitude. The summer of 1980 was also the last summer I had before going off to college. I had taken a year off after high school and felt I needed to make the most of my time off. That meant work hard and play even harder. I had taken a job as a carnival worker, or carnie as they are known, in order to get a chance to travel and see the country. I had taken the summer off and on a visit to the Flemington Fair in New Jersey to visit with my former co-workers, I had met a very pretty girl named Cindy. Cindy became the best thing that ever happened to this young man and I wanted to make the most of my time with her that summer. Come fall, we would both be heading off to college.

Cindy and I were practically inseparable that summer. We did everything together. I had never before become so attached to one girl. But Cindy was different. She had that certain something that words just cannot describe. By the end of the summer, I was completely taken with her. Everything about her I enjoyed thoroughly. I can’t say I was ever really in love before, but now I was. I was enjoying every minute of it.

Not only was I completely taken with her every move and word, but she seemed to feel the same about me. Actually having someone who is as completely obsessed by your very being as you are with them was a new and wondrous experience. That is why it was so hard for us to go our separate ways at the end of the summer. It was the hardest emotional experience this 19-year-old had ever been through. I really hated to see her go.

Going off to college was a difficult time of adjustment for me. It was not the being away from home part that was hard. I had been on my own for some time now, having a job as a carnie made me prepared for just about anything. The amount of schoolwork that college entailed was a new experience for me, but I easily adjusted. What I did have trouble adjusting to, however, was my absence from Cindy.

The first few weeks of school kept me knee deep in books and paperwork. I had little time for socializing or anything else for that matter. My communication with Cindy was limited to phone calls every other week and letter writing on a fairly frequent basis. This was long before the days of personal computers and cell phones. Because I was at Lehigh in Pennsylvania and she was up in Massachusetts, our phone calls were limited by the expense of long distance. I was, after all, a young student on a budget. I really began to look forward to her letters, which she did write on a fairly frequent basis. I gladly returned the favor.

Our letters to each other initially consisted of how much we missed each other and how much school work we had to deal with. The severe workload left me little time to dwell on how much every fiber of my being longed to be with this young woman. As the weeks went on however, it became almost painfully apparent how much I truly yearned for this girl. I had never felt such strong feelings for one girl before. I was surrounded by beautiful young college girls, but none of them were Cindy.

One day in class, I was struck by the beauty of one of my classmates. She had long, black hair and big brown eyes. Just like Cindy. I started scribbling words in the edge of my notebook, next to my notes.

I sit here surrounded by all these books,
Truly missing all your looks,
Other girls they pass my way,
But I don’t give them the time of day,
For you alone bring me joy,
The best thing that happened to this young boy.

I knew it wasn’t Lord Byron, but I thought it was cute. When I was back in my dorm room that night, writing a letter to Cindy, I included it as sort of a joke. I figured she would get a kick at my first attempt at poetry.

When I got a reply from her back a few days later, I was pleasantly surprised at just how amused by my rhyme she really was. Not only did she seem quite taken by my efforts, but she responded with a rhyme of her own.

As I sit here in my lonely dorm,
Wishing I had you to keep me warm,
Wishing you could hold me tight,
Help me make it through the night,
Surrounded by others, yet all alone,
Can’t wait to hear you on the phone.

That weekend was our weekend for our bi-weekly phone calls. We talked for hours, the time passing so quickly it was surreal. We shared our thoughts on how lonely we each seemed, even though we were surrounded by people all the time. We talked about how others seemed to remind us of each other, how the moves and glances of others could bring strong emotions to our minds. Mostly, we just talked about how much we truly missed each other. Mostly, it was just how much we yearned to be in each other’s arms.

A couple of days later, I was sitting in a lecture hall half-listening to some boring professor go on about some boring subject that just was not getting my attention. I started to scribble in the edge of my notebook once again.

On my mind all the time,
Is a girl that looks so fine,
Cindy is her pretty name,
My life will never be the same,
You have captured my very mind,
By being so caring and so kind,
It is with you I long to be,
Your pretty face I long to see.

I knew it wasn’t Shakespeare, but I figured Cindy would find it amusing. I made sure I included it in my next letter, which I wrote that night.

Once again, when I got a reply a few days later, Cindy had answered with another rhyme. Her words were beautiful to me. I cherished every letter as I read them off the scented paper with the colorful flowered border.

As I think of you, I know it is love,
For you were sent from up above,
To fill my very empty space,
To share with me that special place,
God sent you to be with me,
It is with you I want to always be.

Her words were so touching to me. I wrote them in the border of my notebook and looked at them often. The very fact that she had mentioned love sent chills down my spine. It was clear she felt the same about me as I did for her.

The next day I was relaxing on an old sofa in one of the college’s many student lounges. I had my notebook in front of me in a feeble attempt to study. Although I had exams coming up, my mind was a million miles away. I started staring at a large fish tank against a wall. I stared mindlessly at the fish swimming back and forth in the large tank as the air bubbles rose to the surface. That night, in my next letter to Cindy, I included these words.

Love Can.
Love can be like water to a fish,
Love can grant your every wish.
Love can be like a bird in flight,
Love can turn darkness into light.
Love can drive away your fear,
Love can always keep me near.
Love can make you want to live,
Love can make you want to give.

I look at you and our fingers touch,
I know it is you I love so much.
It is my love for you that I feel,
My love for you is so very real.
My love has no beginning, it has no end,
On my love you can always depend.
Of my true love there can be no doubt,
For you my dear, I can’t live without.

The words just seemed to flow through me onto the paper. It seemed almost as though the words came straight from my heart and to my hand. My mind seemed to have little to do with the whole process.

I looked at the words on the paper and realized what an effect this girl had on my young life. A few short months ago, I was hanging out drinking beer with my carnie friends bragging about the last girl I slept with. Now, I was sitting at a desk writing love poems to a girl I had genuine feelings for.

Cindy’s next letter was truly touching. Besides the usual words about how much she missed me and how wonderful it was to hear my voice on the phone, it contained this rhyme.

I have never met anyone quite like you,
Every day with you is so alive and new,
I savor every minute together we spend,
Hoping these moments will never end,
Just wanting to feel your gentle touch,
I love you dear so very much.

It was short and sweet, but so touching. I read it over and over as I savored the delicate scent of the perfumed stationary she wrote it on. Never have so few words had such a huge effect on my very heart and soul. I was really quite moved. Once again, I wrote the words in the border of my notebook. I referred to them often during the day. As I mindlessly listened to the professor at the front of the room, my hand again began to write. Once again, I included these words in my letter to Cindy that night.

Precious.
Precious are the moments that we share,
Gentle is the touch that shows you care,
Precious are the days we spend hand in hand,
You always there to listen and understand,
Precious are the nights with you by my side,
Making all my fears go run and hide,
Precious are the minutes, hours and days,
For you are the one I will love always,
Precious are the glances you cast my way,
Reminding me that, it is here I will stay.

The time we spend is so precious to me,
There is no other place I’d rather be,
Having you to hug and to hold,
Always together, as we grow old,
Our lives together, so intertwined,
We walk together, your hand in mine,
Every waking moment, I think of you,
Our time together, seems so new,
We’ll always be together and never part,
For precious is the one who stole my heart.

As I carefully folded the paper and placed it in the envelope, I again reflected on how much this one girl occupied my thoughts. Every waking hour seemed to be focused on her memory. Every girl reminded me of her, yet none were. I sealed the envelope and quietly reflected on how much I missed her. I placed a stamp on the envelope and literally sealed it with a kiss.

Our next phone call was quite emotional. Weeks had passed since we both started school. Tears welled up in my eyes as we discussed plans to actually see each other. It was only a few weeks away from Christmas break and each of us was so looking forward to it. I have never looked forward to anything more in my life.

When our phone call ended, I was feeling quite giddy. As I walked through the halls of that old college building, my feet never touched the ground. I was experiencing a natural high I never wanted to end.

I got a letter from Cindy a couple of days later. As had by now become a custom between us, she included a rhyme. It went like this.

My Dearest.
My Dearest, you are the reason I breathe,
It is in your goodness I truly believe,
I think of only you when I awake,
I think of the love we can make,
I want to hold you so very tight,
It is with you I want to spend the night,
It is with you I want to spend the day,
It is from you I will never stray,
It is with you I want to spend my life,
To be with you and be your wife.

It was so touching to see those words on paper. I was so incredibly moved. No one has ever said or written anything so heartfelt to me. I doubted anyone ever would or could.

I had so much trouble concentrating on my studies in the ensuing days. I knew from Cindy’s next phone conversation she felt the same. By now, Christmas vacation was only a couple of weeks away. Her thoughts of me overtook her mind as much as my thoughts of her overtook mine. I literally had trouble doing simple things, the thoughts of her were becoming so all consuming. I knew she felt the same. In my next letter, I sent her this poem. I wanted her to know that no matter what happens, I will always be there for her.

You Can Believe.
When something deep inside you dies,
When people around don’t hear your cries,
When sadness starts to fill your dreams,
When something deep inside you screams,
When loneliness overtakes your heart,
And anger starts to tear you apart,
That’s when I’ll be by your side,
To make your fears run and hide,
To help you make it through the night,
To tell you everything will be alright,
To be there for you night and day,
Driving all your worries away,
To hold you tight and keep you warm,
To guide you through that raging storm,
I’ll be there always and never leave,
For in my love you can believe.

Our next phone conversation was so emotional, we were both left weak and emotionally drained. I must have looked like a jerk on the phone with tears rolling down my cheeks. But, they were such tears of joy. Joy I had never felt before. We made final arrangements for our meeting during the Christmas holiday. It would be a Christmas like no other. I felt so anxious I could taste it. I am sure Cindy felt the same.

When Christmas break finally arrived, I was able to hitch a ride from a fellow student back to New Jersey. I would be staying over my mom’s house for the duration. When I arrived at my mother’s house, I was greeted by her and her dog. There were lots of kisses and wet licks exchanged.

I knew Cindy would not be arriving at her parent’s house until the following afternoon. She would be taking a train back to New Jersey and her parents would be picking her up at the station. I used the time I had that morning to do my Christmas shopping. I borrowed my mother’s car and made my way into the center of town. I knew it best to avoid the malls at this time of year.

There was a small record store in town that had the first item I was looking for. Cindy was a big fan of the group Renaissance in addition to being a fan of The Who like myself. I bought her their latest album on cassette.

Next I made my way over to a jewelry store a few doors down. I managed to find a silver charm bracelet I thought perfect for Cindy. I also bought two charms, one a heart to symbolize our love and another of a book, to symbolize our time at school.

After I had completed my shopping, I drove back to my mother’s house. I knew Cindy would not be at her family’s home for another couple of hours. As I had lunch with my mother, I could not get thoughts of Cindy out of my head. It did not go unnoticed by my mother.

Around two in the afternoon, I made my call to Cindy. I could hear the emotion in her voice as she answered the phone. Our conversation, if you can call it that, seemed to alternate between laughter and tears of overwhelming joy. We made the final arrangements for my trip to her parent’s house. We told each other how much we loved each other, several times. As I hung up the phone, I stood there motionless for what was probably several minutes. I was completely paralyzed with emotion. After a few minutes, I was finally able to move. I caught my mother’s dog Maddie looking me over with curious looks. ‘You should feel this good Maddie’, I said to myself.

When the time came for me to drive to the Christmas gathering over Cindy’s parent’s place, I was fortunate enough to once again borrow my mother’s car. I was dressed in dress slacks and a new sweater my mother had got me for Christmas. I had my presents for Cindy in my hand as I made my way out the door.

The drive out to the Flemington area was a good hour or so. I couldn’t say for sure, as my thoughts were so preoccupied with my thoughts of the time I would soon be spending with Cindy. In a little while, I arrived at the house and parked out front.

I made my way to the front door and rang the bell. Cindy answered the door. She was wearing a pink sweater and tight jeans. With those big brown eyes staring me in the face, she looked at least as hot as I remembered.

“Merry Christmas, Baby.” I smiled as I spoke.

“Merry Christmas.” Cindy smiled back with a big grin.

We hugged and kissed for a long moment like the re-united lovers we were. Afterwards, Cindy led me inside by the hand.

I looked around the room. Cindy’s parents came up to me and gave me big, warm hugs. I handed off the gifts and a bottle of wine that I had stopped off to buy on the way over. Cindy’s mother put the gifts under the tree and the wine on the large dining room table. Everything looked so festive as I glanced around the house. The elaborately decorated tree with the colorfully wrapped gifts stacked neatly underneath. The warm fire burning brightly in the large fireplace. As homey and inviting as the surroundings looked, it was hard for me to take my eyes off of Cindy. I know she felt the same and we exchanged hugs and kisses every moment we could. It was hard for me to think of anything but her. Oh, it was hard alright.

Dinner that evening was quite delicious. Cindy’s mom had really gone all out in the preparations. As good as the food and drink were, I had other things on my mind. It was difficult for Cindy and I to keep our eyes off one and other. I don’t think it went unnoticed.

After dinner, the women gathered in the kitchen to clean up and put away the leftovers while the men huddled around the TV in the living room. Cindy gave me a sly glance as she took my hand.

“Want to see the house?” She cooed in my ear.

I had seen the house before but I could always see it again, I thought to myself. As she led me by the hand and up the big wooden staircase, my heart and mind started to race. When we got up the stairs and into her room, Cindy closed the door behind us. I looked around at the rather girlish looking room with the flowered wallpaper and stuffed animals on the shelf above the bed. It immediately brought back memories. I saw a large stuffed Teddy bear on top of her bed. I pointed to it as I spoke.

“Does he get to sleep with you at night? I am so jealous.” I smiled as I spoke.

Cindy leaned into me as our lips met. Our tongues slid and caressed doing an erotic dance that is the privy of long separated lovers. I could feel her nipples against my chest as her perfect breasts nudged softly against my body. As our tongues continued to explore, I wanted her completely.

As I removed her pink sweater, our mutual desire threatened to overtake us. Cindy helped me off with my shirt as we continued our passionate kisses, her long black hair tickling my bare shoulders. We helped each other remove our pants and the site of Cindy in her under things brought back a flood of incredible memories to my mind. I grabbed her by the hips and laid her back down on the bed, pushing the big stuffed bear aside. Sliding off her panties, I was greeted by the site of her neatly trimmed bush. A welcoming site if I ever saw one, far better than any big neon ‘Welcome Home’ sign could ever be.

I soon joined her beautiful, young body on the bed. I got between her thighs and again started kissing her soft lips as she wrapped her luscious thighs around my body. Making my way with my mouth down her lovely neck, I made my way to her engorged nipples. As I massaged her perfect round orbs, I traced circles with my tongue around those perfect pink areolas. Her soft sighs delighted my ears as I began to trace my tongue down her flat tummy towards her womanhood.

As I made my way with soft kisses downward, I stopped to kiss her inner thighs. Working my way back towards her mound, I kissed and licked her thighs, occasionally delicately pinching her soft skin between my teeth. Her soft moans signaled her approval as I began to delicately caress her moist pussy lips with fingers, tongue and lips. Her moans and movements under my body were a cry for more as I worked my tongue around her engorged button while fingering her very wet love canal. I removed my fingers and savored the scent as I positioned myself between her perfect, creamy thighs.

I gently inserted the tip of my very engorged member into her very wet pussy. I slowly entered her as we both moaned with pleasure as our bodies joined together. My thrusting began with slow strokes at first, as I gradually increased my speed and intensity. Cindy wrapped her legs around me as if she never wanted to let go. As her tight vaginal muscles gripped me, seemingly for dear life, our mutual grunts and cries of pleasure were fortunately drowned out by the revelers downstairs. After it was over, we sat and held each other for a while. As we held each other, we recited some lines we had written in our letters while away at school.

“To hold you tight and keep you warm,
To guide you through that raging storm,
I’ll be there always and never leave,
For in my love you can believe.”

I looked at Cindy’s big brown eyes as I spoke those words softly to her. She smiled at me and returned the favor.

“It is with you I want to spend the day,
It is from you I will never stray,
It is with you I want to spend my life,
To be with you and be your wife.”

Those were the last lines of rhyme we had wrote each other.

After a few minutes, we gathered our clothes and got dressed. After a few last minute kisses, we headed back downstairs. We tried to rejoin the partiers without being noticed, but I thought I caught a telling glance from her mom.

Cindy and I enjoyed the rest of our time together, both at the party and our time together afterwards. A couple of weeks later, we would be back at school.

That Christmas holiday back in 1980 will always be very special to me. Along with the girl who made it special, it is something I will never forget.

11-14-09.

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