This starts out slow but does get better, so if you’re just interested in the sex then skip down a bit.
This is how I wish things would of turned out but I’m realistic enought to know if we hooked up it would be all bout the sex and nothing more. Either way, Ethan is my the prince charming I would give it up all for. I love you.

July 10 2007

Dear Diary,

I’m sure the whole online diary is a stupid idea, but it’s slightly better than keeping a tangible one in the house for my husband to find. But here goes. Today I went to Wal-Mart with my best friend and as we entered the guy I let get away came out. I hadn’t seen him in a few years, and damn he was looking good. Ethan is in good shape with dark hair and the cutest smile. We talked for a few and though I wanted to hug him goodbye, which I hug alot of my friends, but I resisted the temptation. I would of ended up kissing him, or at least attempting it, which was not a great idea with my best friend there. I gave him my phone number, and as he left two feelings stayed with me. I felt like an idiot because my husband is the most insanely jealous man alive and if Ethan actually called, I would be in some deep shit, no matter how hard I tried to explain we were just high school friends. But at the same time I was hoping and wishing he would call because I missed him alot. While Michelle and I played around in the store I kept thinking back to how it all started and how badly I had screwed up. I’ll write to whole thing down to get it off my chest, and hopefully I can sleep tonight without thinking too much about what might of been.

I started working at Burger King right after my 15th birthday. I don’t really remember if Ethan was there already or joined sometime later, because I had a serious crush on one of the guys there named John. And looking back I wonder what my obsession with John’s are….half the guys I’ve dated had John somewhere in their name. Ethan and I became fast friends, and because of my teenage infatuation with John I didn’t even notice that Ethan was always there for me. Time passed and though I did end up dating John for a bit I was dumped for someone who would put out, and he let me know about it all the time. I dated a few other guys and always seemed to get hurt. Ethan was always there to talk to, whether at work, on the phone, or he would ride his bike to my house which I think was 8-9 miles for him.

My best friend at the time, Jodi, would laugh and joke about how Ethan was so attached to me, something I took for granted. I thought of him as a best friend and he was always around when I needed him. The one day when I was beating myself up for dating yet another hormone crazed asshole and venting to Ethan, he put his hands on my shoulders, looked me in the eyes and asked why did I keep going after assholes when there were decent guys around. I didn’t even think at the time that he was subtly telling me that he liked me because I was caught up in the bad boy phase. More time passed and Ethan kept telling me there were nice guys out there that weren’t looking for just a piece of ass. And yet for some reason I still never thought of Ethan as more than a friend….he was perfect always willing to listen to me vent about work, guys, and life in general, perfectly happy helping me with homework, and even playing badminton outside with my mother and I, which is not something many teenage guys are willing to do.

One day he told me he loved me. That threw me for a loop. Looking back I should of seen it coming a mile away, but at the time I was shocked. I kind of pretended like he never said it and for a few months we were still great friends, even though I knew that if given the chance he would be more. I would lay awake at night thinking about him and how wonderful he was, but that the big difference between a friend and boyfriend was that with a boyfriend there was more than just getting along and laughing and being happy all the time…a boyfriend was someone that you wanted to kiss, and eventually go all the way with. I was no stranger to those feelings and so far no guy had been patient enough to get through the shyness other than Ethan, and I just wasn’t sexually attracted to him. Part of it was the fact that my parents thought he was the greatest thing on Earth, but another part was his chest hair. At 15 he had more chest hair than most guys do at 25 and each year he got hairier. I hadn’t even kissed a guy, much less gone further, and for some reason chest hair freaked me out. I was totally repelled by it and the thought of losing my virginity to a gorilla didn’t exactly turn me on, even though the gorilla in question was the sweetest guy ever. At 16 I thought I knew it all and I figured that no matter how wonderful Ethan was, there had to be a sexual component for it to go further than just friends.

I almost 17 I think when I was so fed up with the men I was attracted to that I decided that tormenting myself at night wasn’t working, I needed to make a decision. As much as I wanted us to be friends forever, because I was so comfortable around him and he made me smile just by being near, I couldn’t string Ethan along. Jodi was on my case about it, saying that just by being friends with him was mean because it made him think that he might have a chance, and the more I thought about it the worse I felt. I also knew that as bad as it was to “string him along” it would probably be the end of our friendship if we dated and it didn’t work out. It stressed me out to no end because I really cared about him but I just couldn’t see myself kissing him, but truthfully I didn’t want to think about him being with someone else either. To get all the people off my back about being a tease I ended up telling Ethan that I would give him a two week trial run as the whole boyfriend thing, since it seemed to be that none of my relationships lasted longer than that.

My parents were strict and never let anyone upstairs because they didn’t want anyone of the opposite sex in either my brother or I’s room, so we had friends banned altogether from being upstairs. Yet because my parents loved Ethan so much we were allowed to hang out in my room. To be truthful, for the most part I never thought about anything happening between us. When I told him I wanted to try to whole dating thing, he was over every spare minute he had, which was fine because I loved being with him. Though telling him that I was ok with the whole dating made him a bit more friendly than I was used to. Don’t get me wrong, laying in my bed watching movies and cuddling was awesome. I loved it and I actually was waiting for more than just a kiss on my forehead and spooning on my bed with his arm holding me tight to him. Unfortunately my parents, my mother in particular, were crazy insane and drove me nuts with the cutesy “Aww you two are so darn cute” and “You two are perfect for each other….what’s the long term plan?” that I started dreading him being around because I didn’t want to be embarassed. My brother even thought Ethan was awesome. So being a stupid teen, one night instead of the regular “good night, see you tommorow” on the phone, I told him it was over. I couldn’t even give him a good excuse. I felt terrible and I knew that it would be awhile before we talked again, especially with him having started a different job. As soon as I hung up I wanted to call him back and tell him that I didn’t mean it, but instead I went up to my room and stared at the wall willing myself not to cry. I didn’t think it would go over well if I told Ethan that I had fucked up and please pretend like it didn’t happen, I figured that the damage was done and I had just lost my bestest friend in the world.

So I was sitting in my room trying not to bawl, because who seriously cries like a baby after breaking up with someone, when my mom shouted at me that Ethan was downstairs. I looked at the clock as I heard him coming up the stairs, and it had only been 10 minutes since I had hung up on him, meaning he had ridden his bike like the wind to get here that fast. If I had felt bad then I felt even worse looking at him. He looked like he had been crying but was trying not to do it in front of my family. It took all the willpower in the world for me to not bust out crying, myself, when he hugged me and sobbed into my shoulder. I’m the worst at calming down a crying person and I was trying not to cry myself. Thankfully my parents left us alone but I knew they were downstairs waiting to find out what was going on.

For some reason, though I was pissed at myself and trying not to cry, I wanted to kiss him something fierce. Looking at him, upset and reasonably so, I wanted nothing more than to kiss away every tear and beg for forgiveness. Of course just as I was about to do it, my brother comes up the stairs and wasn’t exactly quiet about his nosiness. I asked Ethan to let me drive him home, I could put the bike in the back of my truck, but he refused and said he would prefer to have a friend pick him up. I felt like a supreme ass for letting him go, and even more so when his friend showed up and gave me a dirty look, knowing damn well I was the reason Ethan was upset.

I shut my door after he left and cried into my pillow. I felt like an idiot, knowing I should of forced him to let me drive him home and then I could of begged for his forgiveness when there weren’t prying eyes, but then again I shouldn’t of dumped him in the first place.

I lost track of how much I cried, but I put on a brave face and told everyone that asked that we just weren’t meant to be, even though instead I felt like a supreme idiot and felt like something was missing from my life, which was the fact that without Ethan around I wasn’t smiling or laughing as much. I don’t know how I pulled it off pretending that I was fine without Ethan because everything made me sad. I’d be outside and looking at the porch swing would make me think of cuddling with him on the swing. Getting in my truck I would smile thinking about him sitting in the passengers seat, then try not to cry when I realized he wouldn’t ever be in my truck again. I would be driving and see someone on a bike and my mind would think about how smart Ethan was to ride his bike and save up his money for the time being. Though I missed him sorely I still figured that I had fucked up royally and there was no way to go back (stupid teenager thinking).

A few weeks or so later, I don’t remember the specifics on who called who, but we were talking on the phone. I had flirted with the idea of still begging for him to forgive me and saying that I would do anything to have him back, but he acted like the last year or so had never happened, he had never told me he loved me, and we were just regular ole friends again. I went along, knowing it was my own fault. With that in mind it still took me some time to get back to the whole just friends, though we just talked on the phone are rarely hung out anymore. Looking back we were both stupid and one of us should of conceded because we still had serious feelings for each other, at least at that point and time.

Life went back to normal, at least to an extent. Jodi hooked me up with her boyfriend’s friend and though we made out I refused to go further. He would get pissed, but still kept trying. I should of dumped him but if I wanted to hang out with Jodi I’d still be around him anyways, and I didn’t relish the thought of spending time home. My parents had gotten off my back but every once in a while they would still ask why I kept beating myself up and making myself miserable, when all I had to do was tell Ethan I was sorry. I never had a good answer and hanging out with Jodi and her friends kept me away from the house, and I didn’t have to voice how stupid I was and that Ethan had moved on. Up until then Ethan had never told me about any girls in his life, and when we were talking over Valentines day, and he told me bout a girl I knew leaving him a rose and that they were together now, I started crying. I don’t think he knew how bad he hurt me, and I didn’t want to say anything just in case he was trying to make me jealous, but the tears were rolling down my face, and I was trying hard not to talk because my voice would give away the fact that I was crying.

They broke up, and I did eventually dump Keith, yet things weren’t the same with Ethan and I, and even though we still talked we weren’t doing it as much. One day at school, while walking the track with some friends and talking about guys, in which I totally felt left out since I was the only virgin, My friend Sarah mentioned there was a guy at work that she was totally into. Sarah had known about me and Ethan, but at the same time never met him…and even though I knew that they worked at the same place, so did alot of other teenagers, and even when she said the guy’s name was Ethan I didn’t put two and two together. I asked if she knew his last name and she said she didn’t. I did tell her I knew an Ethan, and that like her Ethan, he was a total sweetie, but that my Ethan was too sweet and I just couldn’t handle it so I broke up with him. The other girls chimed in and soon we were talking about our sex lives, or rather they were talking and I was listening. A few days later we were walking the track and talking again when Sarah started talking bout a party she had been to over the weekend, and how she got drunk and had sex with Ethan. She still liked him and didn’t want him to think she was a slut so she was asking for opinions on what to do. I chimed in, even though I didn’t really have experience in that department since i didn’t party and I was still a virgin, and I really didn’t think we could be talking about the same Ethan. My Ethan was a computer nerd who spent his spare time hiking and skiing or working, not partying. Then stupid ole me had to ask if she had found out what her Ethan’s last name was. As soon as she said “Smith” I stopped walking. I tried acting like I was just surprised we knew the same guy, instead of the fact that I was hurting inside thinking about Ethan sleeping with one of my friends. He wasn’t my guy, hadn’t been for a while and yet I still felt possessive. When Sarah asked if it was a problem and if it was she would stay away from him, I calmly told her it was ok and that we were just friends, even though I was freaking out inside.

When I got home I called Ethan and trying not to cry or yell at him, I asked about Sarah without putting in the knowldesge about the party. I think I broke down when he said that he knew a Sarah at work and he liked her and was thinking about asking her out. I didn’t want to lose what little we had left so I told him how great she was and that they would be great together. Inside I was dying. I tried hard to convince myself that Ethan’s happiness was more important than me. And If I said anything I would probably lose both friends. It hurt knowing they were together but I kept up a good facade and never let on how much I hurt. I think Sarah sensed that I still wanted Ethan, because not long after they started dating she stopped wanting to hang out with me, and Ethan’s phone calls dropped off. I was a little hurt because I knew that I wouldn’t go after a friend’s boyfriend (stupid teenage promises) and even though I was sad, but I kept telling myself that it would be fine, they were crazy happy together. Who was I to stand in the way of what could be real love? And in my mind I kept thinking that if it came down to it, half of my feelings for Ethan might be stemming from the jealousy of him being with another girl..what if I ruined a good thing only to find that I didn’t really want to be with him? Or worse what if I told Ethan how I felt for him and he laughed at me? I was happier with being kinda friends than nothing at all, though in all reality since being with Sarah I hadn’t really heard from Ethan. I guess I really was scared of the rejection and was happier thinking fondly of him then thinking about how devastated I would be if I bared my soul to him only to find out he was madly in love with Starah and I was just a mild crush.

Though I thought about him daily, mostly at night wishing I could go back and never of broken up with him, I did get on with my life. He was living his life and enjoying it, so why should I pine away, especially when I was telling anyone that even dared to ask that I was totally over him. Since breaking up with Keith I wasn’t really hanging out with Jodi much and with Ethan and Sarah
ignoring me, i found myself with alot of spare time on my hands. Even working more and dual enrolling at the college still left me with some spare time on my hands, so I started hanging out with a girl in Indian River. She was the opposite of me. She was extremely outgoing and partied alot. Not long after hanging out with her I met her brother. He was everything Ethan wasn’t….muscular, blonde….and yet still a computer geek of sorts. The few times I talked to Ethan I made it sound like I was happy and never lacking for a date, even when I was single. I started spending more time with Zeke and Cara, smoking pot, and drinking alot. I spent quite a few evenings at their house and soon I was basically living there.

Out of the blue I got a phone call from Ethan saying to meet him at the park in town because he needed to talk. I was torn because I wasn’t the girl he was used to, but I still cared about him, so I went. It was sprinkling and we went and stood in the play area underneath a canopied area. He was obviously upset about something, and everything I felt for him returned to me intensified. I was secretly wishing he was going to say that him and Sarah had broken up. No such luck. We hugged and I know I held on longer than I should of. I had missed him fiercely over the past few months and if I wasn’t still stuck on the friend loyalty, I would of kissed him right then and there. I was half tempted to anyways and just deal with the fight that would ensue with Sarah.

He broke down and started crying. I felt so bad for thinking about kissing him when he was in distress. Remembering how badly things went the last time he cried, and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to hug him and say it would be ok, but that even seemed to be crossing the line when he had a girlfriend. He started telling me that he didn’t know what to do, that he might be a father, and he didn’t know how to tell Sarah. I was surprised too, and even though I was secretly pleased he came to me before Sarah, I didn’t have a clue what to tell him. I was off in my own world, absorbing the fact that after I broke up with him he has slept with one of my other friends, supposedly the fling didnt last but a few days, and oops now the girl was pregnant. Even with this news I still wanted to hold him and tell him that I loved him and everything would work out. I almost did when he looked at me and told me he still loved me, but that was followed with a “I love Sarah too, and I’m at a loss for what to do”. I was crushed but at the same time I shouldn’t of expected even that much. Even if I told him that I wanted to be with him, I had no clue as to what say about the baby that was due in a few short months. I gave him hope that the child might possibly one of a couple other guys since the girl wasn’t exactly known to be monogamous. I told him to let Sarah know and if she really loved him that she would stick by his side throughout it.

That night I replayed the time with Ethan, and thought about how stupid I was. Sarah barely talked to me even though we were in the same college class and saw each other in the high school classes. I could of told Ethan how I felt and told him that I was there for him and things would work out. I guess I was hoping that Sarah would freak and tell him to get lost. Then if that happened I could of made my move without the guilt of moving in on someone else’s boyfriend. I didn’t get my wish though I know I wished on so many stars and made prayers that obviously went nowhere. I don’t know if Ethan told Sarah that he came me first, but either way I didn’t see him for over a year.

Anyways I ended losing my virginity to Zeke and his parents pulled what mine did and freaked him out with the whole “you two are so cute, I can’t wait to plan the wedding”. With him sex wasn’t spectacular and I ended up telling him to screw off when he cheated on me. I won’t claim to be a sweet virgin girl, because I did sleep with a few people before settling down with my husband. I tried relationships and even a one night stand, yet sex was just that…nothing gratifying…no explosions, fireworks, or any of the above.

The next time I saw Ethan was a little over a year after the baby incident, when going to the Secretary of State. Ethan was working at the bicycle shop next to it. He came out and I once again resisted the urge to hug him. We made small chat and he said he was still with Sarah. I thought about him quite a bit over the following few days, but didn’t see the sense in stirring things up when he didn’t seem to have any feelings left towards me.

I dated around more, got in ever worsening relationships with crazy drugged out guys, abusive guys, the worst of the worst. I was so low just wishing to find someone who didn’t do drugs, had a vehicle, a job, and I would be happy. I met my husband and for the first 4 months everything was great. As soon as we started having sex, it went downhill. I caught him in lies, and kept telling myself that he wasn’t sleeping with someone else or doing drugs so it was ok. By the time I was fed up with it, and ready to give up on men, I found out I was pregnant. Not once did it cross my mind to have an abortion or put the baby up for adoption. I won’t go into the whole sordid story, but I ended up married, to someone I can barely stand. But on the bright side I have the greatest daughter in the world. She has my blond hair and my husbands brown eyes. She has my energy, love of the outdoors, and bubble butt. She has her dad’s obsession for boobs and saying “sexy mommy” all the time in public. I love her more than life itself, yet late at night while watching her sleep I still wonder how things might of turned out if I had done things differently.

So until today I’ve thought about Ethan but figured things worked out for him and Sarah in the end. When I had talked to him and found out that they had broken up after 3 years I was mad at myself. While my husband is in the other room playing Halo on the XBox360 with friends, I’m in here reminiscing and wishing things had gone differently. I love the way Isabelle says “mommy” and looks at me her eyes full of love, yet I wish for that ever elusive happiness that I had at one time. For all I know it was just the teenage “puppy love” and nothing more, but I remember being happy whenever I was with Ethan.

October 17 2007

It sure is hard getting time alone to right my innermost thoughts, lol. I made a myspace account just for fun, even though the husband had a fit, since he thinks that I’m gonna find some hot guy and run off with him. Then again my husband is jealous of overly obese guys, old men, and teen boys too, so either way I’m screwed. Anyways I looked up some old friends and just being stupid I typed Ethan’s name into the search box. It took me a couple days to actually write him a message, and for the past week we’ve messaged a bit and just tonight I added him to my yahoo messenger. He moved out of the state so even if he told me out of the blue that I had a chance and he’d love it if I moved out to where he was, I don’t think I could. I miss him and who knows how things might of been, but I’m not willing to throw it all away on a whim. I’m sure we both have changed too much to actually have more than memories, and I’m cool with the memories. He was my favorite boyfriend and two weeks with him is worth all the pain I’ve been through since and will surely have in the future. I can look back, reminisce and remember the sweet boy who rode his bike to my house just to help me with my homework. I can still remember the way he looked at me when he told me he loved me. I miss him and would love my friend back, but if he actually lived around here I would probably make a fool of myself by throwing myself at him.

Nov. 8th 2007

Isabelle is 2 today. Yay, I threw a small party for her and she had fun. I’ve been talking to Ethan on messenger and Myspace at least once a week. I’m glad he can’t see how much I look forward to the few minutes of meaningless chat. I grin like a fool and those little chats see me through all of Brandon’s rages. I know it’s silly to think of it, but I’m thinking that maybe sometime down the road in a few years, after I get a divorce of course that maybe I might still have a chance at happiness. Granted Ethan hasn’t made any mention of having feelings for me, if anything he’s still got it bad for Sarah, but I’m over the petty jealousy and as happy as he makes me just chatting, I’m sure I would be perfectly fine being friends as long as he wasn’t making out with some girl in front of me.

Feb 12 2008

I spent christmas at my mom’s house downstate, just me and Isabelle. I took the laptop and stayed up half the night all week long talking to Ethan before he went to work. He’s three hours behind but I didn’t realize the time difference until he told me he had to go, whether to work or to sleep, lol. We still talk about once a week and even though it’s a bunch of fluff, never really anything serious, it still keeps me in a great mood when everything is going wrong. And I finally got the nerve to kick my husband out, since his gaming and mood swings have gotten out of control.

Feb 14 2008

Along with the cute valentines emails from my friends, I got one from Ethan. It was a cute lil kitty holding a heart that said “friends to the end”. Sure I lay awake at night thinking that somehow some way one of these years I might have a chance to repair the damage done forever ago, and there might be a connection but for now I’m just glad to have him as a friend…..though those naughty thoughts do enter my head sometimes. Like looking at his pictures on Myspace….there’s a few of him drunk and dancing on a boat. Unlike Sarah, I haven’t seen Ethan without his clothes on, and sure there’s shorts on in the pics but my imagination gets rid of those fast. And hey he doesn’t need to know that I get turned on looking at those pics, that I imagine him when I’m playing with my bullet, or that the orgasms from thinking of him are the best I’ve ever had.

May 23rd 3008

Soooooo last night I was talking to Ethan online and drinking, which led to a more serious conversation. I danced around the issue of why I had broken up with him (stupid teenager idiocy), and he talked about missing someone and how sex with that one person was the only fulfilling sex he’s had, the rest was just sex, then proceeds to ask if I’ve talked to Sarah lately….lol, even drinking I wasn’t stupid. So when he started asking bout what happened to us I told him that I came close to kissing him a few times, and he told me I was crazy and confusing but I wouldn’t elaborate. I wasn’t about to tell him the whole thing when he’s still stuck on Sarah. Come on, we have a friendship going and I’m not ruining it by telling him that I want him. I would be in a world of trouble if he lived around here still because I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. He’s confusing me himself, I mean we’re sitting there talking about sex toys and how each of us needs to be laid, when he says he’ll be over in a few minutes. And of course, horny and wanting him, I tell him that I’ll send over a teleporter. he does the “lol” and then asks when I last talked to Sarah. What a way to get away from the sexual talk. Of course I just went with it. But in the background I had his Myspace page pulled up and was looking at a pic of him. If there was a webcam on it would of shown one naked blonde haired green eyed girl with her leg thrown over the arm of the chair. I was typing one handed and the other hand was rubbing my clit. I’m shaved clean so if there was a webcam it would of had a great view of wet pussy. When I wasn’t typing I was rubbing my nipples and I’m sure it was quite a show. By the time Ethan said he was going to bed, my chair was soaked and I was beyond horny, though I went with his flow of the conversation and when my typing got bad I blamed it on the alcohol. I stayed at the computer a little longer actually seeing if I could hook up the webcam, though I doubt I would have the courage to repeat the show with the webcam on. For one he had a roommate that didn’t necessarily need to see me touching myself. For another….well I would prefer to have him in person if I was going to be that horny..that way I could get some release.

I went to my room and touched myself some more all the while daydreaming that it was Ethan’s hand massaging my clit and rubbing my nipples. I took out my dildo, and attacked my pussy with it thinking about all the ways I wanted Ethan’s cock. I wanted him to touch me everywhere, kiss every inch of me, and I wanted to return the favor. let’s just say that kept me occupied until Isabelle woke up. I set her up with breakfast, then went to take a shower and wash the sweat and girl-cum off of myself. I stayed in the shower longer than normal, touching myself and thinking about Ethan taking a shower with me, touching me, and fucking me hard. I came hard in the shower, finished washing myself and got out to take Isabelle to the beach,

July 1 2008

the conversation has stayed “fluffy” since the night a little over a month ago, and I seriously doubt that Ethan has a clue that I spend almost every night touching myself and thinking of him. I did end up turning on the webcam for the first time last night. Isabelle waved at the camera for him . I was dressed skimpier than normal, showing off my cleavage, and when he said the roommate wanted to know if I was going to give them show, I told them not until they got a webcam of their own and reciprocated. Hey I’ve never seen a guy jack off and I’m more than willing to turn the webcam on for the nightly show. Now I’m feeling naughty, and I just have to convince them to get a cam and turn it on.

July 2

I had a surprise tonight. Well a couple. I seriously doubted that Ethan and his roommate would get a cam. I was wrong. It was turned on before I even got the “hi” out. I turned mine on and smiled. I told them I was going to put Isabelle to bed and I’d be back. When I got back there wasn’t much chat before someone leaned over Ethan and said that if I took my shirt off they would take theirs off. I decided to go along figuring I wouldn’t be seeing these guys anytime soon. I stood up and backed away a bit so they could see my whole body. I slowly took my shirt off and tossed it to the side. They both took their shirts off, basically the same but without the striptease effect. The roommate was slightly overweight, but I wasn’t really interested in him anyways. Ethan had a flat chest with light pink nipples and a happy trail leading out of his shorts and curly hair all over the top of his chest . Damn I wanted him and bad. I was only wearing a skimpy bikini top and my nipples got hard fast and it was pretty noticeable.They tried saying that I wasn’t topless like they were, which I blamed on them. I wasn’t asked to get topless, but to take my shirt off. After a few minutes of the roommate pleading I stood up and unhooked the back of my top. I turned around and shook my ass at them, and the short skirt I was wearing shimmied up a bit. I turned back toward them and took the top off while hold my arm over my tits. I could see the lust in their eyes and after some more sexy dancing I took my arm away giving them a view of my perky 32B tits that didn’t show signs of motherhood. I got into the dancing, and even slipped my hand in my skirt and brought it back out and licked my fingers. I was hornier than hell and having someone watch was a turn-on, but having the guy I wanted to fuck look at me with pure lust in his sexy brown eyes was the biggest turn on of all.

I noticed that both guys had bulges in their shorts. I was extremely curious to see the beautiful cock I had been dreaming about so I told them that I would give them the full show if they both got naked. They seemed hesistant so i pulled my skirt up enough for them to see that I wasn’t wearing panties. I leaned back enough to tease them with what they couldn’t see and started fingering myself, After a small orgasm i sat up and seductively licked all the juices from my hand. I was being extremely naughty and it was all for Ethan’s benefit. Those shorts of theirs came off pretty fast. I had two penises rock hard and pointing at the camera for me. Seeing that made me even wetter. I wanted to turn them on enough that they would forget that there was another guy sitting next to them, I wanted them, Ethan in particular to jack off for me. I started rubbing my tits, which was more for show since I was extremely horny looking at Ethan’s cock. I pushed the chair back, turned the radio on and started the slow seductive dancing, slowly taking off my skirt. From a distance I knew the stretch marks on my thighs wouldn’t be too noticeable, but the way they were looking at me I didn’t think the few stretch marks would really be too much of a turn-off. I danced against my wall showing off all my assets, getting totally into it, basically oblivious of what the guys were doing. When I came out of my reverie I noticed that they were riveted to my cam and were trying not to be obvious about touching themselves. Ethan has a dot of precum on his penis that begged to be licked off, and I told him so. He smiled, and the smile got bigger as I adjusted the cam to take in the new sitting down view.

I slung my legs over the arms of the chairs, my shaved pussy bared to the camera. I ran my fingers around my pussy lips lightly making myself wetter. Usually when I start getting into I tilt my head back, close my eyes, and imagine Ethan touching me. With him on camera in front of me, I was in heaven. I wanted so badly to see that beautiful penis erupt. The only thing better would to be have that penis erupt in my mouth or pussy, but with him in a different state that wasn’t going to happen. I continued touching myself, one hand on my pussy and the other on rubbing my tits. Every time I had an orgasm I moved my hand so they had a view of it. I’m a squirter and I made a bit of a mess. I started licking up the mess on my hands and noticed some action in the camera. I had gotten what I wanted. I watched them rub themselves then start jacking off, Seeing Ethan jack off for me gave me another spurt of lust and I rubbed my clit furiously, having multiple small orgasms and when I saw the cum shoot out of Ethan’s penis I had the biggest orgasm of the night. I went from moaning to screaming. I was drenched in sweat and felt slightly embarrassed, almost positive the neighbors had heard me. Ethan and his roommate put their shorts back on and I got a message from his roommate saying “Thanks for the show, it was definitly worth buying the webcam”, before he left. I went to put my clothes on and Ethan asked me not to so I continued to sit in the nude. He said he hadn’t expected to much of a show but he was glad. Then right after saying he was going to bed he said he was coming up for the 4th of July weekend and he looked forward to seeing me. He signed out before I had a chance to see if he was joking or not. But truthfully, I’m looking forward to it. I want that cock, and I will find a way to seduce him if it comes down to it.

July 7 2008

so the big fourth of July weekend went awesome. I hadn’t expected Ethan to stop the first night in, I figured he was see family and some of the other friends. He came by mid-afternoon, while I was putting Isabelle down for a nap. I wanted her to be awake for the fireworks that evening, which meant she needed some sleep beforehand. I didn’t recognize the car pulling in my driveway only because he had taken a plane here and was renting a car. My heart leaped into my throat when I saw him. I wasn’t so sure I could act cool after the webcam show, not to mention, I would of had problems either way being calm because I didn’t know if he wanted a friend or more, either of which I was all for, though I wanted the “or more” preferably.
He gave Isabelle a hug and sat down on the couch while I put her to bed.

I sat down next to him and made small chat. I was apprehensive since I had only gotten a hi, and not hug like Isabelle. So I thinking he was going to go with the friends route when he leaned over and kissed me. I was caught offguard but responded quickly. I scooted closer to him, savoring this first kiss, one I had dreamt about for years but was just then experiencing. I would of gone straight to the bedroom if he wanted. I swear he could hear my thoughts because when he pulled away he said that even though we had waited so many years for this, he wanted to take is slow and not rush it. I wanted to savor every minute with him, but if he had to be back to work in a few days I also wanted more than a romantic weekend. I still was under the impression he was spending the weekend visiting friends and family. I was just a little off. He held me close and we talked alot about nothing in particular. I did tell him if he didn’t have set plans already he could stay with me. I didn’t want him to let me go and being selfish I wanted him all to myself for as long as I could have him. He told me that nobody actually knew he was in the state so I was his for as long as I liked. I almost told him that he could stay forever. We hadn’t really talked too serious online, and people change alot in the span of 9 years, so even though he made me laugh and I had a perma-smile when he was around I knew that when it came down to it we might not even really get along enough to have a relationship. I decided to go with the flow for the weekend and enjoy it to the max. I wasn’t going to let anything bring me down.

We sat and talked, kissed some more, and in general just held each other until Isabelle woke up and started knocking on her door. He was a natural when it came to kids, and they played around for awhile. I packed up the stuff that would be needed to BBQ and hang out at the beach until the fireworks. As soon as it was all ready we loaded up into my Chevy Tracker and set out.

I lathered Isabelle up with sunscreen and sent her off to play in the sand by me. I asked Ethan to get my back and laid down for him to put the sunscreen on. It was more of massage than anything and his hands felt good on my back. His fingers grazed my tits and I let out a low moan. I had wanted him for so long that just little touches were driving me crazy. Then before I could get to worked up, he started tickling me. I flipped over and told him it was his turn for sunscreen. I started on his chest, running my fingers through his chest hair and slowly going down the happy trail. I wanted to keep going and just take off his shorts, but we were in public, so I had to be content with just rubbing his chest…for now. I had turned him on and it was a little noticeable, so I told him to turn over so I could get his back. The Kids didn’t need to be getting an early education. I returned the favor and massaged the sunscreen in. He was so relaxed I thought he had gone sleep until he pulled me down next to him and gave me one of his wonderful kisses.

We hung out in the sand for a bit, but it was pretty warm and we jumped into the water, towing Isabelle along in a kid sized raft. I was having a blast and couldn’t get enough of hugging and kissing Ethan. I was acting like a lovesick teenager. I brushed up against him often and rubbed my ass on his crotch alot in the water. I received the response I wanted and if there weren’t so many people around I would of straddled him and fucked him right there in the water. Even though he said he wanted to take things slow, once a guy is to a certain point they have problems saying no, so I figured I would get laid if I wanted to.

We came out of the water and helped Isabelle build a sandcastle. I was happier than I ever thought was possible, I figured something had to go wrong, and was just waiting for something bad to happen. We cooked up some hamburgers, hotdogs, and corn on the cob on the grill for dinner. After eating we relaxed on the beach again for awhile. Isabelle had attracted some other kids and she was playing happily, so Ethan and I just laid on the blanket I had brought, our fingers intertwined, talking.

When it started getting darker I broke out some lightweight pants and a shirt for Isabelle, and pulled jeans on myself. I doused all three of us in bug spray. We packed everything but the blanket and put it all in the Tracker. Even with the nap Isabelle was getting sleepy so we all layed down on the blanket with me in the middle. In her sleepiness she started calling Ethan “daddy” instead of using his name. He didn’t seem to mind and quite a few people had already told him his “daughter” was adorable, and he didn’t correct any of them.

I almost felt bad when the fireworks started startling Isabelle out of her half sleep. She had a blast and named all the colors popping up in the sky and counting them. Laying there with Ethan on one side of me and Isabelle on the other, I was beyond happy. I knew I would remember the day for years to come. Isabelle fell asleep in the ride back to my house. Ethan carried her inside and she woke up long enough to give us both kisses.

I wasn’t sure if I should invite Ethan to my bed so fast, but I didn’t care. I didn’t give him a chance to protest either. The hall light was on, giving the bedroom a small bit of light, and I used it to my advantage. I pushed him onto the bed and got on top of him. I’m pretty petite, so he could of thrown me off at any time, but he didn’t. Straddling him I kissed him and grinded on him. It didn’t take too much and he was hard. He did protest a bit, but I told him we had the rest of our lives to cuddle, I’d been waiting for quite a few years for this daydream to come true.

I kissed his earlobe and kissed my way down his neck to his chest. I couldn’t stop myself from touching him. I ran my fingers over his stomach and chest ever so lightly causing him to get goosebumps. I started kissing my way down his happy trail and pushed his hands away when he tried to stop me. He seemed unaware of the moans he was making, which only served to turn me on more. I undid his shorts and slid them down his legs. I lightly ran my hands back up his muscular legs slowly gettin closer to his cock. When he least expected it not only did I wrap my hand around his beautiful member, but I started licking the tip. His precum was tasty and I couldn’t get enough. I wanted to swallow his cum, but before I even had half a chance to get into it, he pulled me up and flipped me onto my back.

I was more than wet enough, so when he positioned himself over me I raised my ass in the air and pulled him on top of me. I wasn’t going to take a no either, I wanted his cock and if he didn’t want to cum in my mouth then my pussy was just as eager. He started out slow and though it was awesome feeling I told him to give it to me hard and fast. I had faked orgasms during sex before but I sure wasn’t faking it for him when i dug my nails into his back and bit his shoulder to keep from screaming. My obvious pleasure did it for him and he came. He tried pulling out but I locked my legs not letting him move off of me.

I was was speechless, not knowing if I should tell him that was easily the best sex ever for me. I remembered him saying that only one person fulfilled him during sex, so I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t have to be his best, I was happy just having him in my bed. It didn’t take long with me rubbing my fingers on his chest, for his penis to rise again. We spend a good of the night sexually gratifying each other, and each orgasm I had seemed more intense than the previous ones. We eventually drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.

My internal alarm clock woke me at 7am. I tried slipping out of the bed without waking Ethan. Right on the edge of the bed I was pulled back. I’ve never been into the whole morning breath kiss, but with Ethan I didn’t even notice. I did at least convince him that even as horny as he made me, a shower was needed first. I didn’t even have to ask him to follow me into the shower. In the light, looking at the bite marks and scratches I felt bad. I gently soaped his back and one thing led to another. What started out as a shower turned into sex in the shower. I had never had sex in the shower, but after that I was up for sex in the shower every day. Shit, I was down for sex anywhere with him. Isabelle woke up not long after we got out of the shower, so there wasn’t a repeat of the night before.

I set Isabelle up with a movie and breakfast then took Ethan back to the bedroom to finish what I had started but was interrupted in the previous night. I didn’t have as much time as I wanted, so while we were kissing I pulled his pants down. I didn’t give him time to think twice. I kneaded his balls with one hand, while sucking him off. I didn’t really think I had half a chance of him getting off again, since I had drained him quite a bit, but it didn’t take long. He tensed up and my mouth was loaded with his cum. I swallowed it all, milking every last drop out.

The rest of Saturday was perfect. We went out walking in the woods behind my house and basically spent the day outside. We enjoyed each others company and it didn’t seem as if anything could kill my mood. I was beyond in love. I didn’t say anything to him. He knew from our conversations that I was totally into him, but for all I knew it was just sex to him….a bit expensive in my mind to fly 2500 miles for sex, but I wasn’t complaining. Every time he looked at me I melted. And even his voice sent shivers down my spine. Every time I came close to saying the three little words I hesitated. Yeh the sex rocked but it was more than that. Like a teenager with her first crush, I was all fuzzy feeling, and I couldn’t stop smiling no matter how hard I tried. I love my house but I knew if he asked me to leave Michigan, I would leave with him in a heartbeat. Well I did have to wait for the divorce to finalize but then I would be gone never looking back. I really didn’t believe that he would want something more permanent but a girl can hope. It was hard not giving him my all, but I could wait.

I was looking forward to that night and I wasn’t disappointed. After putting Isabelle to bed, we put in a movie and cuddled on the couch. Usually I get into the movie and can’t be bothered. This time I couldn’t concentrate. I kept thinking back to high school and how I would mentally will him to kiss me. He didn’t do it back then, but he did this time. Soon our clothes were on the floor and we were exploring each others bodies. He found the spot my neck that turned me to Jello. He went slowly, teasing my body, and it wasn’t long before I was begging him to quit the torture. He lavished soft kisses on my tits, slowly licking my nipples, and softly nibbling on them. If that wasn’t enough he knew exactly how to rub my pussy. He fingered me while rubbing my clit. I lost count of the orgasms. I was rubbing his cock, trying not to lose control, and I didn’t realize at first that it myself “please fuck me Ethan…give it to me any way you want”. I had never lost such complete control of myself, but I couldn’t say I wasn’t enjoying it. We had sex all night long, and I did everything he wanted. Any request he made and I was practically begging him to let me fulfill it.

I don’t think we fell asleep until almost dawn. He was so wore out that he didn’t notice me slip out of his arms and leave the bed. When Isabelle woke up I got her to stay quiet while I cooked up a big breakfast. Ethan was cute laying sprawled out in my bed with a sheet pulled up to his waist. If Isabelle wasn’t awake I would of jumped into bed and woke him up with a blowjob. I absolutely loved the taste of his cum and the feel of his cock. I was turning into a nympho, wanting to ravage him all the time. It had only been a couple days but I was addicted to his cock. Isabelle snuck up behind me while I was admiring Ethan and said “Boo!” She immediately proceeded to climb into the bed and start pulling on Ethan’s chest hairs. Instead of being mad he rolled over and started tickling her. I told them to quit otherwise breakfast would get cold.

We ate, then decided to spend then debated about how to spend the day. I was perfectly happy hanging out around the house except that I would of found it hard not to fit a quickie or two in when Isabelle was playing. We decided to go out putt-putt golfing. Ethan won by a landslide, but it could of been because I was so intent on watching him and thinking of all the things I wanted to do that I I didn’t pay much attention to where the ball went. Isabelle had a blast trying to hit the ball. I got so caught up that for a while I didn’t even realize that this was my last day with Ethan and he would be leaving soon.

After the putt-putt game we went out to Dairy Queen for lunch and ice cream, then played at the park behind the DQ for a while. I happened to look at my watch and notice how late in the afternoon it was getting. I didn’t really want to break the spell, but I had to ask when he was supposed to leave. He smiled, gave me one of his mind blowing kisses that made me melt, and whispered in my ear that it was up to me. I must of looked pretty confused because he elaborated saying that if I wanted him to stay then he would get his stuff packed and be back in Michigan immediately. I was stunned, never expecting that he wanted more than this weekend together. Isabelle saved me from having to respond by jumping in his lap and saying “Ethan no go. Ethan Stay”. The way he looked at her, then at me, I knew it was safe to totally give my heart away. I leaned over whispered the three magical words into his ear.

---