When I was 20, I was driving my Toyota Corolla down El Camino Real late one night looking for a guy who might be wanting a ride. Eventually when I was in San Mateo, I did come across a man waiting at a bus stop and I pulled over and asked if he wanted a ride. He was up for it and got in my car. He was a bit scruffy with a goatee and a black shirt and black jeans. He was probably in his early 40’s. I could tell he was high on something.

We we were driving down El Camino and he wanted me to take him to the motel in Belmont he was living in. As we were talking, he sniffed the air and said I smelled good. It was probably the Poison perfume I sprayed inside the car. I didn’t really say anything about his comment.

We got to his motel and he asked me if I wanted to come in. So I said sure and went inside. He went to the bathroom and then came out a minute later. He flipped on the TV and laid on one of the beds and smoked a cigarette.

After a few minutes he asked me if I liked to fool around and for some reason the way he said it was freaky. I said “what?” and he said “You and I are gonna fool around.” His directness scared me and I said I should go. But he took off his shirt and stood up and then undid his jeans and pulled out what was a very large cock and started tugging on it slowly. I was scared at this point and said “Please, I have to go”.

He walked in front of where I sat on the edge of the other bed and he told me I wasn’t going anywhere. Then he told me to get undressed. I started crying and asked him “please” again but he slapped me on the cheek and told me to shut up. So I slowly got undressed and he sat back on the other bed and told me to go to him. I laid next to him and he pushed my head down and forced it down on his cock, pushing it into my mouth over and over. It was so fat that my mouth started to cramp up and he got frustrated.

He then made me lay on my side and he got behind me. He spit into his hand and rubbed it on his cock and then he lifted my leg up and told me to grab his cock and guide him in my ass. I tried to beg him not to but he ordered me to do it. So, i guided the head of his huge cock toward my tight rectum. He then pushed his cock forcibly into my anus and I could feel it rip me open. I’d never felt anything like it before. He ignored my whimpers and crying and kept stuffing his cock deeper and deeper into my ass, holding up my leg like a bitch. He then stopped and held still and I could feel him throbbing inside me.

I asked him if he came and he went “mmmm hmmmmm” in a gruff voice. He just held himself inside me for what seemed like forever. He then pulled out and stood up and looked down at his cock, which was smeared with blood, small feces particles and his own cum. “Jesus Christ look what you did to my cock.” Then he made me clean him off with a hot washcloth.

He wouldn’t let me leave until I let him write down my info on my driver license and told me if I said anything to anyone that he’d come get me and my family. I was too scared to disobey and I got dressed and he let me go finally. I drove home feeling exhausted and I felt my ass gaping the entire time with the sliminess of his cum running from my gaping hole.

You know what the weird part is? I was scared then and it seemed horrid but since then I’ve craved it the same way again and it has yet to happen. Now that I have become a man/cock worshipper, I have fantasized about men forcing themselves into me, having what they want. I get off on men who use me for sex, who use me to satisfy their needs.

I’ve always gotten off on rape scenes in movies and wished it was me who it was happening to.

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One more thing happened when I was 19 that still lingers in my mind actually in an amazingly erotic way. I kid picked up this guy who was thumbing a ride. He was in his late 30?s or early 40?s and he was handsome and rugged, with a buzzed head and goatee. But he was scary in a way and I didn?t know what to make of him. I thought I would be flirting but I was almost afraid to because I didn?t know whether or not he would freak out. He lived in a motel in San Mateo and I was telling me how he?d been released from San Quentin Prison not long ago so he was in transition. Anyway, we got to his motel, it was one of those long motels that was one floor and several individual units that went way back. I asked to use his bathroom to take a piss and so he let me come in. When I was done, I came out of the bathroom and he was smoking something out of a glass pipe, which I was guessing was crack. I didn?t say anything and I remembered from my prior experience with the guy at the motel before that I didn?t have any interest in smoking that again myself. So then he oddly told me that he had a gun in his closet and I looked at him and said ?O-kay???? And he said if I wanted to see it I could. I was getting scared and said ?No, that?s okay?. He then squeezed his crotch in his tight black jeans and said ?You like to fool around?? Scared, I don?t know what came over be but I said ?What do you mean?? I was even stuttering. He said ?you and me, we?re gonna fool around?. I kept thinking about the gun and said to him ?I gotta go?. And he said, ?Get your clothes off.? I said ?Really, I gotta go.? And he got in front of the door and I sat down on the edge of one of the bed nearest the door. At this point I started to cry and he said loudly ?Shut up!? and smacked me across the face. He then started to strip off his clothes, exposing a normal length, but quite fat cock. I started crying even more but put my hand over my mouth to muffle the sound, so as not to anger him. He made me strip out of my clothes and he sat on the bed and made me get on the side of him and forced my head down on his cock. He started to face fuck me and said ?Come on, suck it! My mouth was aching and I was gagging and he then pulled my head off his cock and told me to hold still as he got behind me and raised up my leg on my side. He then made me guide his cock to my hole and I said ?no?please!? I was genuinely petrified! But once the tip of his cock found my asshole, he grabbed onto me to hold me still and forced his cock into my ass. I literally saw stars then and felt the pain as he penetrated my hole deeper and deeper, making it start to bleed. It actually only lasted all of a couple of minutes before he shuddered and quietly grunted a couple of times to himself and I didn?t know what had happened and I said ?Did you cum?? and he said ?Mmmm hmmmm?. When he pulled out and stood up, he got mad. There was blood and cum and some shit on his cock and he yelled at me ?now look what the fuck you did, clean off my goddamn cock!? and he had me get a washcloth and wet it and then get on my knees and clean off his still semi-erect cock. I then was able to wipe myself as clean as I could, but still felt my asshole gaping and oozing his huge load of cum. I felt violated and disgusting. Before he allowed me to leave, he made me give him my driver?s license and he wrote down my address which was of my parents? house where I still lived and told me that if the cops came for him from me telling about what just happened, he?d make sure that one way or another I?d be sorry. So, I was freaked out by this and never did tell a soul about it. I remember driving home and it was raining. The sun was about to come up and I felt my ass still gaping and I was trying to tighten it and his cum made my asshole all slimy and oozy. The strange thing is that I felt oddly aroused by it afterwards and now for years I have jacked-off remembering that night. I guess I?ve become more jaded as I?ve gotten older.

So when I was 20, I met a guy named Brown and he was one year younger than me. We had an awesome connection, although we only had sex a couple of times. However, our adventures were many and very hot. We considered ourselves boyfriends for a while, but then decided it was better as just being friends.

Brown and I used to go out cruising guys together. We went one night to a sex club on 6th street in the SOMA district of San Francisco, which was inside of a warehouse. It wasn?t a legal sex club and it posed as the Church of the Cock. It was run by a man named Father Frank and he preached the Sermon of the Cock at midnight and served hot dogs. He also had beer and wine available until 4am and you could smoke pot and do coke there, as well. You rang a bell when you got there and someone would let you in. You paid $7.00 and were led up a flight of stairs. After that, we were free to enjoy! There were rooms with mattresses and videos playing where men were sucking and fucking each other. There was also a maze with glory holes everywhere. Brown and I split up inside and I wound up in the glory hole maze for about 2 hours, sucking off as many cocks and drinking down as much cum as I could. I remember there were these two hot guys who were both trying to get in my mouth one after another, and at the same time. One had brown hair, a buzz cut and that?s what I remember of him and the other was a blonde guy with glasses. Both were somewhere in their 20?s. The blonde guy came in my mouth twice after face fucking me. They both were on my side of the glory hole and so they had me backed into a wall and kept coming up to grab hold of my head and pump their cocks in my mouth. It was so damn hot and I was jerking my cock like crazy as I fed on their hard meat. Later, when Brown and I met back up, he looked like he?d had his fill, as well. We did go back again the next night, but unfortunately it had been raided and closed down and there was a note on the door. Apparently, this usually happened to Father Frank and he?d go to jail for a while, then get out and re-open the club in another location. We did go to his next club about 8 months later and it was in a Victorian house in the Castro, but it wasn?t as good.

Brown and I also used to like to pay visits to a guy named Michael, a paralegal in his mid-40?s, who liked his vodka, but he was quite hot. A hairy guy, wore glasses and could fuck like nobody?s business. Brown and I would go over there together and get naked and he?d take turns fucking us in front of each other and we?d all suck each other off. I even went back to see Michael several times alone to get fucked. He really knew how to jackhammer a guy?s ass and he?d kick his spunk right up into it every time. He?d get really sweaty too and our bodies would get all slippery and wet. Fucking loved it!

Brown and I also went once to the windmills out at Ocean Beach and went walking along the paths out there in Golden Gate Park. We had been out all night and it was just starting to get light out. Well, what started was something I?d never even imagined would happen. It started with seeing one guy and we cruised him and followed him into this bushy area. We started taking turns sucking his cock, then another guy came along, then another guy and before we knew it, there were 6 of us chain-sucking each other?s cocks. It was so hot and I was totally getting off on it. We were all moaning and groaning and pumping our cocks in and out of each other?s mouths until we were all feeding one another our hot seed. I remember being a bit lightheaded after that experience and very fulfilled.

Yet another thing Brown and I did was drive down to L.A. for a weekend. We had no money to get a room and decided to just have all the sex we could find and then head home. We ended up dropping acid and hanging out at Santa Monica beach, where we laughed our asses off and even imagined Yoko Ono rising up out of the ocean waves like the Kraken from that mythological movie. We had this Yoko Ono thing going on and used to plot to find her and hang out with her. It was so hilarious and we were so juvenile. We ended up finding a major cruising area in Hollywood, too, and of all places RIGHT UNDER the Hollywood sign on the mountain! There are guys all over that area, it?s a park, and we sucked quite a few cocks there one day and had ours sucked plenty. Now every time I see that sign I think to myself ?Yeah, I know what?s happening there!? It was a great trip, with the exception of getting a flat tire on the way back way out in the middle of nowhere in the mountains along highway 101. We ended up having to walk to get AAA to come tow my car, which it did, into Salinas. Do you know how hard it is to find a place that will replace a tire on a Sunday? At least back then it was hard. But we did find a place and I had $28.00 left and the guy at the gas station gave us a used tire for that and put it on. We had some awesome Mexican food in town, but we were the only white guys in the place and were being stared at by everyone. By the time we got back, we were totally exhausted, hung over from sex, acid and being up for way too long.

Brown and I also used to get together with other guys and play with them together. I remember another guy who we met at Collingwood Park in the Castro one night in his 40?s who was on coke and he gave us each a ?key hit? of it and had us take turns sucking his cock right by the fence of the park.

It was a great friendship and we had these adventures for several months. Then, he met a guy from the south named Craig and that tapered off as they got more serious.

Also when I was 20, I started working at a department store at the mall in men?s furnishings and there was a black guy in his 40?s or 50?s and he worked in the men?s shoe department and he liked young white boys like myself. So, one Sunday morning when it was slow, he lured me into the back of the shoe stock area and pulled out his huge cock and I mean it was HUGE and had me start sucking it. It was so damn big that my mouth began to cramp after a while. He also invited me after work to his apartment to mess around and I started to suck his cock and again, my mouth cramped up, so he got me bent over his couch and used some Vaseline on his big tool and worked it up as much as he could into my ass. I remember it really hurt going in, but he kept making short pumps in and out and grunting and groaning until he pulled out and spewed cum all over my ass. My hole was gaping and I remember wondering if it would ever close up again!

I had a friend named Aaron who worked at the department store with me who I met while I was working and he worked across from me in men?s sportswear. The first time we saw each other he was squinting at me, which I learned moments later that he didn?t like wearing his glasses and that made me laugh. He was 24 at the time. We became fast friends and had a lot of fun together. We went to clubs in the Castro that I was able to get into without being carded, which were few. Oh, and the Stud on 9th street was another place. We would go dancing and meet guys. He was shocked one night because I was making out with one guy and then the guy left and at one point Aaron had to go to the bathroom and when he came out another guy was sucking on my neck and I was saying ?Oh, it?s been so long? and Aaron gave me a look of horror and shock. Aaron also named me ?Sex on Wheels? after the song by My Life with the Thrill Kill Cult because of the way I cruised around at night.