To: Harry Potter
From: Lord Voldemort
Re: Robes

What will it take to get you to pull those robes off the market, Potter?
WHAT IS YOUR PRICE?

– Voldemort

To: Fred & George Weasley
From: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster
Re: Moldiemort Robes
Mssrs. Weasley:

Could I request an additional three hundred units of your most excellent robes? Please send the invoice to The Registrar, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I will need the robes in the following sizes:

Small – 50 units
Medium – 150 units
Large – 100 units

Thank you kindly,
Albus Dumbledore

To: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster
From: Gred & Forge
Re: Re: Moldiemort Robes
Sir,

In as much as we would like to take credit for the ingenious robes, I’m afraid that they are not of our product line. Our traitorous little sister has formed a most unholy and evil alliance with the Boy-Who-Mocked-Voldemort.

We will, of course, forward your request to the Evil Duo.

Regards,

Little Gred & Forge Weasley

To: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Re: Re: Moldiemort Robes
Professor! What a most excellent name for the robes! In discussing with my CEW, we would be most happy to donate the 300 units to your cause.

Ginny Weasley
President, Moldiemort Inc
A new division of Potter Enterprises Worldwide

To: Moldiemort
From: Harry Potter
BCC: Ginny Weasley
Re: The Robes
You want the Moldiemort Robes off sale? Swear allegiance to me as your Lord and Master and serve as my left hand and we’ll see.

– HP
Chief Executive Wizard, Moldiemort Inc
A new division of Potter Enterprises Worldwide

To: Harry Potter
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Re: The Robes
WHAT? You’re going to make him your Left Hand?!

To: Ginny Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Re: The Robes
I’m right-handed, Gin.

CEW, Moldiemort Inc.
A new division of Potter Enterprises Worldwide

To: Harry Potter
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Re: Re: Re: The Robes
Oh. blush Good point.

To: Harry Potter
From: Ron Weasley
Re: Things
Harry… first off, I’m trying very hard not to flip out. I’m given to understand from my “belittled” brothers that you and Ginny are teaming in a business affair. Okay, let’s be honest, I take EVERYTHING those two say with a firm twist of salt. You and Ginny? Teaming? AFFAIR?

What the hell’s going on? If you and my baby sister are… you know… I’m going to kill you!

– Ron

To: Ron Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Things
You git!

We’ve talked about this before! I sleep in the bloody same DORM as you. Why are you Mmailing me about all this?

– HP

I mocked Voldemort
Ask me how!

To: Harry Potter
From: Ron Weasley
Re: Re: Re: Things
Because I don’t want to punch your bloody eyes out if you’ve not snogged my sister. And what do you mean YOU mocked You-Know-Who?

To: Ron Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Re: Re: Things
Excuse me, but it’s MY innocence you should be worried for. YOUR sister is a dangerous woman. Please note, she founded a very large (unauthorized) fan club, she proposed and found ways and people to prepare a calendar with images from the bloody game against Slytherin. You know the one, the one I have to prance around naked in?

That woman would jump my bones if I were not keeping watch out for my own safety! Somehow, I don’t think I’m the predator, here, boyo!

As for Voldie…did you see the article on the front page of the Daily Prophet? THAT is Gin and my business relationship.

– HP

CEW, Moldiemort Inc.
A new division of Potter Enterprises Worldwide

To: Ginny Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Your brother
I’ve taken a stance with your brother in order to:

keep my nose unbroken, and

get him off my back.

And, before you get wind of the details in my attempt to ward off a black eye let me provide some truths. Ginny, you are a very scary determined woman. I’ve always known this, but in the past two days of our business association, it’s become clearer than ever that I could not wish for anyone better to aid me in my conquest of the Dark Wizards of the world.

– Harry

CEW, Moldiemort Inc.
A new division of Potter Enterprises Worldwide

To: Harry Potter
From: Ron
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Things
Oh. See, that’s why I Mmailed you rather than you know, punch first and ask questions after.

Ron

To: Harry Potter
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Re: Your Brother
Oh, that’s so sweet Harry. You’re making me blush.

By the by, I am a predator?

Ginny

To: Ginny Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Re: Your Brother
Oh yes. Most definitely a predator.

Harry

To: Hermione Granger
From: Ron Weasley
Re: Harry and Ginny
Nuthin’s going on. I asked Harry. They’re the ones behind the Moldiemort Robes, that’s all. huh I wonder if this means Ginny’s making some money off of the deal?

– Ron

To: Ginny Weasley
From: Hermione Granger
Fwd: Re: Harry and Ginny
I see you’ve successfully bamboozled your brother(s).

HG

To: Hermione Granger
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Fwd: Re: Harry and Ginny
Oh, no. That was all my liege lord and master’s doing.
-G

To: Ginny Weasley
From: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster
Re: Re: The Robes
Ms Weasley,
Your generous offer would be most appreciated.

Dumbledore

To: Minerva McGonagall / Deputy Headmistress
From: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster
Re: The Moldiemort Robes
Minerva,
I expect delivery of the robes early tomorrow. They are quite spiffing.

– Albus

To: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster
From: M. McGonagall / Deputy Headmistress
Re: Re: The Moldiemort Robes
If they don’t get us all killed.

Minerva

To: Minerva McGonagall / Deputy Headmistress
From: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster
Re: Re: Re: The Moldiemort Robes
Oh, come now, my dear McGonagall. What is the absolute worst Voldemort could do? Jump up and down shrieking: “Kill Them, Kill Them!”?

Besides, they are a snazzy looking item. I’m quite taken with the robes! They make a statement about Voldemort that empowers people against him.

– Albus

To: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster
From: Minerva McGonagall / Deputy Headmistress
Re: Re: Re: Re: The Moldiemort Robes
You know, Albus, it’s all fun and games until someone gets the Killing Curse flung at them.

Minerva

To: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster
From: Severus Snape
Re: Last Meeting of the Death Eaters.
The old boy is definitely off his rocker. He spent most of the meeting jumping up and down shrieking “Kill them! Kill them!”

By the way, do you know that Potter has Voldemort’s owl-address? In the middle of a meeting an unmarked owl dropped off a package of Moldiemort Robes. I’m afraid the gift wasn’t well received.

Sev

To: Harry Potter
From: Oliver Wood
Re: Picture Day
Tomorrow’s the day, eh mate? Krum and I have been fiends in the gym.

You seen any of those amazing robes around Hogwarts? I suppose that’s Fred & George’s little game. D’ya suppose I can get my hands on one? They’re selling out like hotcakes!

– Oliver

To: Oliver Wood
From: Harry
Re: Re: Picture Day
No problem, mate. A robe will be here and waiting for both you and Krum.

See you in the morning. BTW, Ginny Weasley will be around during the shoot, but I’m assured that the “no-disclosure” charms will keep our dignity intact.

Harry

CEW, Moldiemort Inc.
A new division of Potter Enterprises Worldwide

To: Harry Potter
From: Oliver Wood
Re: Re: Re: Picture Day
Ginny Weasley, huh?

– Ollie

To: George & Fred
From: Oliver Wood
Re: Harry and Ginny
So, they finally hooked up, huh?
And you let him live. I’d have never guessed that.

– Oliver

To: Harry Potter
From: Fred and George Weasley, Big Brothers
Re: Your unhealthy relationship with our sister
Potter:

It has come to our attention that your relationship with Ginny is not exclusively businesslike.

If you touch her at all, we will hunt you down and hex you until you’re a walking advertisement for every product of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes.

Sincerely,
F. & G. Weasley

To: Charlie Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Fwd: Re: Your unhealthy relationship with our sister
Charlie:

I don’t suppose you’re bringing along any HUNGRY dragons with you? I know a few prats who could definitely be filling.

-HP

CEW, Moldiemort Inc.
A new division of Potter Enterprises Worldwide

To: Harry Potter
From: Lord Voldemort
Re: Your Terms
I HATE you Potter!

Lord Voldemort

To: Harry Potter
From: Charlie Weasley
Re: In-Ter-esting
Hey, are you snogging my little sister? It’s not that the family disapproves of you, you know. Mum would be THRILLED to have you as a son-in-law, eventually.

The problem is the wagers going around the Wizarding World. Ginny’s unrequited adoration of you isn’t quite a secret, y’know. There’s some serious money involved now as to whether or not she’ll nail you down.

– Charlie

To: Charlie Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: In-Ter-esting
You’re NOT serious!
HP

To: Lord Moldiemort
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Your Terms
So, that’s a “no”? That’s okay, it’s far more FUN this way.

BTW, Dumbledore’s just ordered 300 Moldiemort Robes. Gee, I wonder what he wants them for? Hope you liked yours!

Hugs and Kisses,

Your Mortal Enemy

There once was a stinker named Voldie
His breath, it smelled kinda moldy
He’s oh-so greedy
He’s tried to kill me
But failed cuz his head is so hole-y

To: Harry Potter
From: Charlie Weasley
Re: Re: Re: In-Ter-esting
Dead serious. So? Are you snogging my sister? Do I need to change my bets?

– Charlie

To: Harry Potter
From: Molly Weasley
Re: Daily Prophet
Harry,

According to the Prophet your girlfriend “Ginevra Weasley” will be attending the photo-shoot.

Anything you’d care to explain, dear?

-Molly

To: Charlie Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Re: Re: Re: Re: In-Ter-esting
You put in a BET that your own sister would snog me?

CHARLIE! I’m appalled! Your own sister?!

To: Harry Potter
From: Charlie Weasley
Re: Re: Re: Re: In-Ter-esting
You HAVE met my sister, haven’t you Harry? You don’t stand a chance.

– Charlie

To: Ginny Weasley
From: Your Mother
Re: Daily Prophet
Ginny,

Hi dear. I hope you’re doing well. How are your classes? Things have certainly been busy around here. I scarcely get time to sit down and read the Prophet in the morning over a cuppa.

Somehow, however, I do find time. In fact, just this morning I read a fascinating article in the Daily Prophet about the Harry Potter 2003 calendar. It’s so nice to see all the serious effort you kids are putting into making this a classy affair. And, I think it’s wonderful that Harry’s giving all that money to the St. Mungo’s Victims Unit.

However, the article seems to have made an innocent gaffe. Apparently, you’re going to be at the shoot as Harry’s girlfriend. Isn’t that funny?

Tell, me, dear. Is there anything you’d care to share with Mummy?

To: Hermione Granger
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Oh, shoot!
My goose is so cooked. Have you SEEN the Prophet?

Ginny

To: Ginny Weasley
From: Hermione Granger
Re: Re: Oh, shoot!
Yes. Yes I have.
Just what are your plans for Harry?

-HG

To: Hermione Granger
From: Ginny Weasley
Re: Re: Re: Oh, shoot!
Well. I was thinking of seducing him.

Ginny

To: Ginny Weasley
From: Hermione Granger
Re: Re: Re: Re: Oh, shoot!
WHAT?!

To: Ginny Weasley
From: Ron Weasley
Re: Lunch
Hey little sister,

How about meeting me for a nice big brother little sister lunch today in Hogsmeade?

Since the photo-shoot is today, and most of us have the Hogsmeade trip to go to while Harry and crew strips down to do their thing, I thought we should reconnect. We don’t do things together often enough, do we?

– Ron

To: Hermione Granger
From: Ron Weasley
Re: Ginny
Have you seen my sister today? Tried to Mmail her for a lunch get-together and she’s not yet picked up her mail or been seen. Any idear where she’s at?

-Ron

To: Ron Weasley
From: Hermione Granger
Re: Ginny
I have an idea. Yes. Tell you when we get to Hogsmeade.

-Hermione

To: Fred & George Weasley
From: Ron Weasley
Re: Harry. Ginny
Is it just me, or is it suspicious that on the day that Harry’s doing the photo-shoot for Naked Quidditch Calendar, that our little sister has gone missing?

– Ron

To: Ron
From: F&G
Re: Re: Harry. Ginny

Bugger.

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