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Sex Joke

OLD MAN WITH TOO MUCH SEX DRIVE

An old gentleman visited his Doctor. On being asked by the Doctor what his problem was, the old gentleman said that he wanted his sex-drive lowered. Whereupon the Doctor asked the old gentleman his age.
“I’m 97 years old.”
The Doctor said to the old man, “At your age it’s all in the mind!”
The old gentleman replied, “I know, that’s why I want it lowered.”

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Fiction

I Could See Her Panties

Whenever Mom’s friend Rachael would come over for a visit she would always sit so that I could see her panties. I certainly didn’t mind at all.

Fiction

Cumming up Trumps Part 4

After a few hours together both Trump and Manning have unfinished business their urges take them to new sexual heights… The story continues.

Sex Joke

Hypothetical and Realistic

One day a boy comes home from school and says, “Dad, I need to know the meaning of hypothetically and realistically for school.” The father replies, “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with another man for 1 million dollars.” The little boy goes and asks and sure enough she says yes. His dad says, “Ok now go ask your sister if she would sleep with a man for a million dollars.” He does and sure enough she says yes. The father says, “You see son, hypothetically we are sitting on 2 million dollars but realistically we are living with a couple of whores.”

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Sex Joke

TIGHT MINI SKIRT

TIGHT MINI SKIRT
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn’t. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, “How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!”
The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”

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Science-Fiction

Implanted

This is a story in three parts, all of which are in this post. It starts rather slowly as it follows Donna Reynolds and her decision to be implanted so that she can be successful in the world. It is rather mild sexually, but somewhat upsetting in theme as it sets forth a fictional future world that may be less improbable than some would think. In fact, we may already be living in that world.

Fiction

Discovering My Daughter Part III

We last left Emma and her daddy having some really messy sex on her period and sending her to school with a pussy full of cum now lets see what happens on the weekend.

Fantasy

I want to be a woman chapter 6

When my mom first saw me she broke down in tears and fell into my stepdads arms. She said, “I, I just can’t believe this.”
I didn’t know if she was talking about the fact her son was dressed like a slutty woman or the fact that I had dried cum stuck in my hair, all over my face and most of the rest of my body.
My step dad said, “Come on. Let’s go to the car. We can talk about this at home.”
As we drove home, my mom would occasionally look back at me then continue to sob a little. When we arrived at the house my stepdad said, “Why don’t you go take a shower and when you are done we can talk about it.”
I went upstairs to the bathroom to take a shower. As I opened the bathroom door and turned on the light, there was my older stepbrother sitting on the toilet jacking his dick. Almost in unison we both said, “What the hell?” I was shocked to see him the jacking off and he was really shocked to see his stepbrother dressed like a girl and covered in cum. He had fucked me before, but he didn’t know it was me. He thought it was just a whore.
He tried to cover up his dick as he stood up, but it was too hard and it was hard for him to push down and cover. He said, “What the fuck happened to you. Why do you look like that.” “It’s a long story. I want to be a woman and I love dick and cum,” I replied.
He said, “Well, I guess I better go.” I don’t know what came over me. I had been fucked over and over this night and I had swallowed a lot of cum, but the thought of sucking off my stepbrother’s dick in the bathroom made me as hot as hell. I asked him, “What are you gonna do with that thing?”
He said, “I’ll finish off in the bedroom. I was almost there anyway.”
With that I pushed him against the sink and dropped to my knees in front of him. “Let me help you,” I said. I grabbed the base of his dick and stroked it a little. I could tell he was close because there was a lot of precum leaking out of the head. I licked all of it off his head to get a taste of his sweet juices. Then I slipped my mouth over the head as I started to stroke his cock. I focused my mouth back and forth on his head and would rub my tongue on the underside of his head as I went back and forth.
He said, “Oh my fucking God that feels so good.” I took my mouth off his dick only long enough to tell him he needed to be quite so mom and dad would not hear. He just shook his head and I proceeded to give him head.
It was only another 20 or 30 seconds before I felt his head swell in my mouth and I knew his cum was on the way. He was holding his breath as he started to cum because he was trying not to make any noise. As his first load shot in my mouth he let out a deep breath. “Ahhhhh.”
It was like releasing a backed up dam. He was unloading shot after shot of cum into my mouth and I kept stroking and sucking his dick. After several shots of cum, when I thought he was done, I deepthroated his cock as far as I could and I felt him give one more load in the back of my throat.
After he came, He just walked out of the bathroom and left. I savored the taste of his cum as I stepped into the shower. I had never had that much cum on me and was surprised how much work it was to clean off my body after it had dried like that. It was a pain to scrub off, but it also excited me as I thought about all the dicks and cum I had taken.
After my shower, I knew I had to face the music. I wrapped my hair up in a towel and wrapped another towel around my body and headed downstairs.
My mom and stepdad were waiting at the kitchen table. My mom said, “What is wrong with you son.”
“Nothing mom. I just want to be a girl, a woman. I feel better in women’s clothes and I really like guys.”
My mom was shocked. She said, “You are just sick. We can get you some help.” My stepdad stepped in and said, “Let us not be so harsh on him. This is real. We can’t change him. Maybe we should help him be what he wants to be.”
My mom always looked to my stepdad as the voice of reason and said, “What do you mean?”
He said, “I mean if he wants to become a woman, maybe we should help. I have some doctor friends who, with our permission since he is 16, could give him breasts. Its summer so he could change his name and he could go to a private school as a girl the next two years to see how he likes it and go from there.”
My mom looked at me and said, “Honey, are you sure this is what you want?”
A little surprised, yet excited, I said, “Yea mom. I am sure. I want to be a woman.”
My stepdad said, “Good. Then I will set up the appointment. It has been a long night. Let us all go to bed. Goodnight son, I mean daughter.”
I was so excited about the possibility of having real tits and living like a girl. I just laid in bed thinking about how it would be. After laying there for about 30 minutes, my stepdad came in and said, “I thought I would tuck you in.”
I was laying on my side and he laid down behind me. I could feel his familiar big dick pressing against my back. He said, “It is going to be so good when you have your new beautiful tits. Maybe we will add a little to your hips and ass as well.”
I felt him put some lube on his dick and he immediately found my asshole as we both lay on our sides. I enjoyed the spooning and folded my knees up to allow him better access. I was so stretched out that it only took him two strokes to bury his dick all the way in my ass. As he slowly stroked the length of his dick in and out of my ass, he lifted my hair and started kissing the back of my neck and my shoulders and back.
I could not believe how good it felt to be screwed this way. My stepdad had always fucked me well in many positions. Most of the time we fucked it was kind of like animalistic. This was almost like being screwed lovingly.
Normally he screws me well for a good long time. Tonight was different. He pulled himself close to me and kissed the side of my neck. He grabbed my chest with both hands and whispered, “Won’t it be great when these hands are overflowing with your tits.”
I immediately felt his body tense and he bit on my earlobe as his cum flooded into my ass. After I felt his dick quit spasming, he laid there for a few minutes holding me as his dick softened in my ass. It did not slip out because his dick soft is still pretty big.
As he pulled his dick out and got up, he kissed my cheek and told me goodnight. I laid there with his cum dripping out of my ass dreaming about being a woman.

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Fantasy

ALL WORK AND NO FUN……..

Closing the door behind him, Stuart found himself sighing. He worked hard as a mechanic, he had now opened his own garage. At 30 he felt proud of himself, he had a nice car, nice house, his own boss, and he was married to a wonderful lady.
Walking into the kitchen he went straight for a nice cold bottle of beer, 2 months ago he would have been reaching for his wife Victoria. For the last two years they had been trying for a baby, however nothing had happened, doctors ran tests and could find nothing wrong with either of them. Now their sex life was non existant. Every day he longed to satisfy her and himself in such a sexual way. Her face when he first entered her, the soft groans that turned him on even more, the way she wrapped her legs around his waist so he could go so deep.
His thoughts were interupted when victoria walked into the room, her long black hair was pulled back and she looked very sexy in her summer dress.
“Honey, the girls and I are going out tonight, your dinner is in the oven, wont be late”
He was left standing alone, like most nights. He hadnt had sex for 2 months and he was getting badly frustrated. He tried talking to her, but she changed the subject. He wasnt hungry now, so stuart decided to check on his emails.
Logging on, he found the same old rubbish – spam. There were one or two from friends that he quickly replied to. He was about to sign off when he noticed an advertisement for a dating agency. He laughed at the idea of someone actually signing up for one of these, however the more he read the more he likedAre you married and just looking for a one night stand to spice up your life? Turning off the computer he knew he couldnt do it, he loved his wife and he wouldnt do anything to risk what he had. Ok they didnt have sex but surely there was more to life than sex. Yet he found himself logging back on, typing in the website address and filling in his details.
‘Maybe no one will reply’ he thought
Next evening Stuart found himself logging back onto the computer, telling victoria that he was setting up a website for the garage to bring in more business.
His inbox had 7 messages from ladies from the website, he was shocked. There was one that stood outHi my name is Kerry, im 25 years old. I am engaged and would like to spend one night with a man before I get married. If you want to know more about me, please email me back. Have read your profile, very nice
He placed the cursor over the reply button, should he, shouldnt he. Surely an email couldnt hurt.Hello Kerry thank you for contacting me. Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding. Ive been married for 5 years now but i havent slept with my wife for 2 monthsThe emails were sent to and fro, she was asking were they could meet for a chat, he suggested his garage, that way he wouldnt be seen. They arranged for 5.30 the next day.
Next morning Stuart informed Victoria that he was working late that night, he had a lot of jobs in. She just shrugged and mubbled something that Stuart didnt hear.
All day Stuart was nervous, as it approached 5.30 he jumped at the smallest noise. The sound of a car pulling up outside at 5.35 stopped him in his tracks. He was still wearing his boilersuit when she walked into the garage.
“Hello, Kerry?” Stuart asked
“Yes, and you must be Stuart”
He couldnt keep his eyes off her, she was gorgeous, her short blode hair was kept neatly behind her ears, her green eyes, she was wearing a short black skirt and white blouse, he assumed she had just come from work, some office he thought.
“Please come into the office, its a bit cooler in there”
After locking the main doors, they were sitting in his office he could feel his cock starting to pulse into action, she was sitting infront of him talking, her legs slightly appart. She must have noticed that he was looking, as she spread her legs a little wider, showing him she wasnt wearing any panties. God he was getting stiff.
She had stopped talking now, was rubbing and teasing herself, Stuart started to rub his cock through his overalls, he was enjoying what he was seeing.
Slowly she started to unbutton her blouse, revealing her lacey white bra, he walked over and knelt infront of her. Putting his head between her legs, he started to lick her pussy, running his fingers over the hole of her vigina, making her moan. Licking and sucking, he slowly worked a finger inside her, pushing it in and out slowly, then progressing to 2 fingers. His fingers were getting moist, he knew she was enjoying this.
He stood up and removed his lower clothing exposing his rock hard erection. She was quick on her knees, gobbling as much of his cock as she could. He was proud of his 9 inches, and it was so erotic to see her take it all. It was the best he ever had, she would suck on his balls while pulling his cock.
Pulling her to her feet he removed her blouse and bra while she removed her skirt. pulling the t shirt over his head he help place her on his table. Slapping his cock against her pussy he then slowly started to enter her. She threw her head back and groaned, he pushed his cock right in so she felt him all. He slowly started to fuck her, her moans were soft.
He started to fuck her harder and harder, her moans changed to screams of pleasure
“Oh fuck yes, fuck me harder, oh god yes”
He was riding her as hard as he could, his frustration slowly leaking out. He pulled out, he knew he was going to cum and he didnt want to do that yet.
“Please keep going, i want you to cum inside me”
He started pumping in and out of her hard, grabbing her hair and pulling her head back, he was being rough and he loved it, her screams showed she did too.
He came inside her with such a force he screamed out, she had a smile on her face and he knew he did too.
Reaching down she placed two fingers inside her glistening pussy, the cum was dripping out and she quickly scooped it up and placed it in her mouth.
“Come with me” he instructed
Leading her out into the garage, he was walking towards the van that was left in that day. Opening the back door he lifted her in, there was cushions on the floor that he left in earlier.
He was still rock hard, even after cumming, she was on all fours, when he placed his cock in her again. He spat on her asshole, forcing his finger inside, she didnt stop him. He rubbed two fingers over her tight asshole before forcing them inside, her groan was pleasurable.
Removing his cock from her pussy, he moved it towards her asshole, slowly he pushed himself in, he never did anal before and it felt good. Her moans were deeper now, a mixture of pleasure and pain. Reaching around he started to rub her pussy.
Pumping insider her asshole and bit harder, her moans getting deeper but louder
“Yeah fuck my tight ass, does that feel good”
Fucking her asshole hard, he was giving her no mercy, her hand moved to his stomach but he forced on and on. He was driving hard, all his cock was disappearing into her ass, his balls smacking against her pussy. She kept calling out, pushing her ass further up in the air so he could get deeper and deeper.
“Fuck im going to cum again” He told her
“Cum on my face”
Pulling out she flipped around so her face was near his cock. He cam all over her face, and she started to lick it up.
Sitting with his wife later that evening he couldnt stop smiling. He knew he wouldnt see Kerry again, he didnt need to, he was going to make things work with Victoria, even if that meant a few hours overtime like today!!!

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