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Sex Joke

SUNDAY MORNING SEX

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Susan went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,”he had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.”
Horrified, Susan told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
“Oh no, my dear,” replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding, and out on the Dong.” She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, “and if that damned ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive.”

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Diary

I WANT TO REWARD MY PA, CAN YOU COME TO OUR HOTEL?

“I want to reward Kerry, my twenty-five year old PA. I am Lori a forty-five year old business lady. We have been in town for a week on business and have completed some very pleasing deals together. And I almost forgot to mention, I want a really good fuck before we return home. Are you free tomorrow afternoon?”

Fiction

The Beast Within Chapter 2

The second chapter of “The Beast Within”, a story about a young man bitten by a wolf who then transforms into a beast. He seeks out the nearest person to unleash his desires upon… His Mother. The second chapter takes place from the point of view of the mother.

Fiction

Hot for Uncle

This story is fictional. The people in this story are made up; any resemblance to real people is unintentional. If this kind of thing doesn’t interest you, then stop reading now. No mean comments!!!! This is my first story, so go easy on me! Enjoy!
I’ve been having sex with my uncle since I was twelve years old. Most boys my age are too busy playing with toy cars or watching cartoons to get laid. I guess that just makes me one of the lucky ones. I love sex; everything about it intrigues and excites me: the sounds, the smells, and the look of pure happiness in a man’s eyes while I fuck his brains out. Knowing that someone wants me so bad is the biggest rush I’ve ever experienced, and I never would have found out about it if it wasn’t for my Uncle Geoff.
I’d lived with my Uncle Geoff since I was eight. My parents died in a car wreck, and since I was his nephew and he had no children of his own, Uncle Geoff took me in and raised me like I was his son. He was always there for me; he’d play catch with me, read me bedtime stories and chase the monsters out from under my bed. I loved him dearly. We lived in a little farmhouse about 20 miles from the nearest town. The house only had one bedroom and no air conditioning, so Uncle Geoff and I had to sleep naked in the same bed, but we didn’t mind. Some of my fondest memories are of me lying on his furry chest and holding him like a teddy bear, our naked bodies rubbing together. He’d laugh, wrap his big, strong arms around me and give me a big kiss goodnight and then we’d lie there like that until we fell asleep.
As I grew older, however, things started to change. Men in my family hit puberty fairly early, so when my balls dropped at ten, I wasn’t surprised. What did surprise me were the intense wet dreams I started having about Uncle Geoff. Some of them were kind of silly, like my uncle washing a car wearing nothing but a thong and a smile; some of them were surprisingly realistic, like the one where I’m lying in bed, pretending to sleep, while he masturbates and fondles my cock and asshole. My all time favorite, however, is perhaps the silliest and most appealing one of all. In this dream, my uncle and I are football players on an unnamed team. We had just scored the winning touchdown and as the other players and fans run off to celebrate, I hang back to congratulate my uncle on a job well done. He pats me on the back and thanks me for helping him score; he’d say that he couldn’t have done it without me, that we won because we persevered as a team, and that he was honored to be my teammate. I’d blurt out that I love him, that I’d always loved him, more than anyone else on this earth. He’d smile, pick me up in his strong arms and tell me that he loved me too, but he was afraid to tell me because I thought I didn’t feel the same. He’d say that I made him feel like the happiest man in the world and that he would love me until the day he died. Then he’d kiss me passionately, his hands fondling my virgin asshole. I would groan in ecstasy and beg him to fuck me, fuck me hard! A sly smile would cross his face, and he’d take my throbbing cock in his hand and milk it like a cow’s teat. My cries of lust would spur him on, until he’d rip off our uniforms and take me, right there on the football field. I had this dream the most often, and I would always wake up in a puddle of cum with a throbbing boner that wouldn’t go away until I’d rubbed one out.
After a few weeks, I finally decided to tell him about all of this. He’d always raised me to believe that love in all its forms was perfectly natural and that we, as sexual beings, should explore our desires instead of shying away from them. So I waited for a few days, partly for the opportunity to arise and partly because I was afraid of how he might react. I guess I was also worried he might me mad at me or ashamed of me for having these feelings for him. Finally, one evening, Uncle Geoff and I were sitting on the couch when I decided to tell him everything. “Uncle Geoff,” I asked, nervously, “can I ask you something?” “Of course, buddy.” he answered warily, “Why, is something wrong?”
“Maybe, I don’t know. It’s just that, ever since I turned ten, I’ve been having these weird dreams.”
A worried look shot across his face. “What kind of dreams? Nightmares?” he asked.
“No, they’re not nightmares. They’re . . . wet dreams.” I whispered.
“That’s fine, buddy, every man has wet dreams. It’s just a part of growing up!”
“I know, but . . . I’m having wet dreams about you!” I clasped my hands over my mouth in shock. I hadn’t meant to blurt that entire sentence out, especially not to Uncle Geoff!
“Oh,” he said after a brief pause, “I see.” I blushed as tears filled my eyes. “Hey, wait a minute!” Uncle Geoff exclaimed as he reached over and hugged me. “Please don’t cry! You can’t help what you dream about.” “I know!” I wailed as I buried my face in his shirt, “but *sniff* I feel bad, because you’re my uncle and I feel like I shouldn’t be dreaming about you, *sniff, sniff* but every time I see you or think about you, I keep think about those dreams and get all hard and, and . . .” I was crying so hard that I couldn’t talk. Uncle Geoff didn’t say anything; he just hugged me until my sobs died down and told me that you can’t help how you feel and that he loved me no matter what.
After a few minutes he grabbed some Kleenex, cleaned me up and gave me a big kiss on the forehead. “Feel better?” He asked. I nodded and thanked him for understanding. “No problem, buddy,” he said with a smile. “I have one question for you, though. What happens in those dreams?”
“What do you mean?” I sniffled.
“I mean, what do I do that’s so exciting?”
“Well, I don’t know, sometimes you do silly things, like wash a car with no clothes on or act all sexy while you shower, but sometimes you do stuff, like kiss me.”
“Okay, and how does that make you feel?”
I was surprised. I couldn’t believe he was actually asking me this. “I don’t know . . . strange I guess, and I get all hard.”
He put his hand on my crotch and started rubbing it. “Do you like it?”
“Yes.” My breath caught as his hand massaged my growing boy-cock. “I like it a lot!”
“Do you want to try it?” he said as his face moved closer and closer to mine.
I was half swooning. “Try what?” I answered groggily.
“Do you want to kiss me?”
“Oh, yes please, Uncle Geoff! I want to more than anything! Kiss me Uncle Geoff!”
“Please, call me Daddy,” he said as he pulled me in close and kissed me full on the mouth. A rush of heat coursed through my whole body as his mouth touched mine. I moaned deeply in the back of my throat as Uncle Geoff’s tongue forced its way into my mouth. He grabbed me by the waist and pressed his muscular body up against mine while I rubbed my ass against his crotch. I practically tore off our shirts and wrapped myself around him as we kissed passionately. His hands lightly toyed with my nipples before they moved down my back and grabbed my ass, gently kneading it and fingering my hole through my pants with animal intensity. I was so excited I almost came right there, but Uncle Geoff took notice and eased off before I creamed in my shorts. “Save that for later,” he said with a wink, “we’ll need it.”
We stayed like that for a few minutes until finally, he broke the kiss. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” he announced, “and I intend to do a lot more than that, too.” I giggled in spite of myself; I had never kissed anyone on the lips before, especially not a man. “What’s so funny?” Uncle Geoff asked. “Sorry,” I muttered, “it’s just . . . you’re my first.” A slow smile crossed his face and I almost fainted. “So I’m you’re first, huh?” I nodded as his index finger trailed down my chest towards my woody. “I’m you’re first love, first kiss, you’re first man. . . I like that.”
I cried out when he reached my boner. “Well, somebody really enjoyed that.” He said as he yanked down my pants and grabbed my throbbing dick. I gasped as he started gently fondling my shaft and balls with his big, meaty hand. “You’re quite a grower, son. How big is it, five, six inches?” “Three, sir,” I groaned as he jerked me off. “Mmmm,” he moaned, “just the way I like ‘em!” And he took me in his mouth. A million explosions went off in my head and my whole body shuddered as his tongue raped my cock. He stopped licking only to jerk me off and suck on my balls. I felt like I’d died and gone to heaven; I’d never experienced this level of pleasure in my life. A strange pressure started to build in my loins and I gripped the couch to steady myself. “O my god, I’m gonna . . . gonna c-cum!” I sputtered, unable to breathe, “Oh, god, make me CUM, Daddy!” Uncle Geoff smiled up at me as he pulled my shaft out of his mouth and fondled my prick. “Cum for me, baby, yeah,” he teased as he mercilessly worked my shaft and balls, “spew your boy cream all over my face!” I couldn’t take it anymore; the pressure was too strong! I let out a mighty roar as I came, shooting what felt like bucket loads all over Uncle Geoff’s eager face. Jizz slapped his cheeks and forehead, coating them with my spunk. His outstretched tongue caught the rest and he swallowed it eagerly.
My screams of delight whipped Uncle Geoff into a frenzy. “Oh, yeah, that’s my boy,” he groaned excitedly, “shoot that hot load on your Daddy! Make him your BITCH!!! Yeah! Make Daddy your CUM SPONGE, you WHORE! Yes!” I collapsed in a heap on the sofa, exhausted from the heavy suck session. Some of my boy-jizz dripped down his face and collected near his lips and chin. Uncle Geoff licked it off his face with a moan and a sweet smile.
Then he stood up, tore off his pants and unleashed the 12 inch monster that I’d been dreaming of for so long. “Oh, I’m gonna fucking cum, baby!” He beat his meat at an alarming pace, stopping only to lube up his hand. “Lean back,” he ordered, laying me down flat on the couch, “I’m gonna shoot on your chest.” My aching cock stood straight up as his orgasm began to build. “You want it? Huh? You want Daddy’s hot fuckin’ load?” “Oh yes, Daddy,” I begged, “Give me your hot cum! Please!” His whole body tightened as he reached his climax. “Oh, fuck I’m coming, oh fuck, oh FUCK! Uh, uh, UHHH! OHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!”
He shot eleven times. His cum splattered my chest, my face, my cock, the couch, everywhere. I swallowed what I could, but some spilled out of my mouth and dribbled down my neck. After Uncle Geoff finished draining his balls on my naked body, he collapsed on top of me, pinning me to the sofa with his hairy body. “That was . . . amazing! I’ve never had an orgasm like that before,” he said, panting like he’d run a marathon, “you’re one hot little stud, baby doll.” “You were good, too, Uncle Geoff,” I said sweetly. “Let’s clean this off,” he said as he licked me clean. My cum was still stuck to his face, so I grabbed him by the hair, pulled his face up to mine and licked it off before locking him in a lurid kiss. Kissing my uncle while the taste of my seed mixed in our mouths was the most erotic thing I’ve ever done. We broke the kiss and just lay there, staring at each other and muttering sweet nothings.
Uncle Geoff stood and picked me up. “We should get to bed.” “Do we have to?” I mumbled, still catching my breath. “Yes, buddy, it’s getting late and we have stuff to do tomorrow.” “Can we do this again?” I asked as he carried me to our room. “Sure, baby. I’d like that.” He gave me one quick kiss and then lay me down on our bed, where I quickly fell asleep.
If you like this story, comment and I’ll make a sequel. If you have any tips or ideas, feel free to share! I need all the help I can get.

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Fiction

Missy: Day One

This was my first attempt at putting my fantasies down on paper. Feedback is always welcome. Happy reading!

Fantasm

Bondage Class

“Welcome class, to the first lesson of…” the young male teacher walks to the blackboard, picking up the chalk and writing it in large letters “BONDAGE 101”
A roar of giggling and laughter breaks out among the students, a relatively small attendance of only 10 or so people, 9 of them being male and one female that didn’t look at all like she belonged there. Dressed in a long skirt with pigtails and classes. Light freckles to go with her pale skin. Her eyes down in a book, not paying much attention to the teacher or the other students for that matter. The teacher continued on “If you came here for immature reasons that I suggest you leave now”. But not a single person moved, the sound dying down as all eyes once again followed the strict and serious teacher.
“good, now we will continue. Bondage is about control, power. For the dominant, it’s complete ownership over the submissive and just as so, for the submissive it is the feeling of being helpless and restrained. The feeling of rope or steel against their skin as they fight for freedom. Now can I get a volunteer up here?” everyone in the class immediately began staring at the girl in the room, still reading her book calmly, after a few moments without looking up, she raises her hand and closes her book, laying it at the desk. Standing up and walking up to the desk and waiting patiently for her orders
“Alright Miss, straighten your arms behind your back” She did as she was told and the teacher pulled a small length of rope from a drawer in his desk. Tying it around her wrists and knotting it tightly. He grabs her by the back of the shirt and turns her to face the rest of the students, her breasts more clear through her shirt due to her arms pulling the fabric tight to her body. The teacher smiles a bit and speaks in a loud voice for everyone to hear “do the ropes make you feel more confined and submissive then before?” and with a faint smirk and a clearly sarcastic tone in her voice she says, just as he, loudly enough for the class to hear “Not at all, I’m more comfortable then ever”
A few students in the back laugh but it quickly dies down. The teacher grabs her shirt once again and turns her around, forcing her against the desk and she bends naturally at her waist, bending over the desk just as he had intended for her. Her long skirt still covering half her thighs. He asks the question again, and once again he gets a sarcastic answer. She laid her head against the desk with a grin on her face “he couldn’t possible do anything more”’ she thought, but of course he was willing to take it as far as it had to go to prove his point. He reached down to the hem of her skirt and lifted it up, over her back, revealing her panties to the entire class. She began fighting and wiggling but he held her at her shirt down against the hard wooden desk. He didn’t have to ask again, he knew from her reaction that she realized how helpless she really was. And just at the most tense moment, when the class sat in shock, the girl blushing and embarrassed, not sure how to accept a humiliation that she volunteered for, the bell rang. The students didn’t move a muscle, every single one of them sat motionless with their gazes on the intense scene at the front of the classroom. The teacher waited a moment and as they stayed he started to usher them out with his hand, “Are all of you deaf? Get going” he released the girl and walked over to the door, opening it and holding it open, a look of impatience clear on his face. The boys slowly got up and walked out, each taking a final look at the girl still paralyzed at the edge of the desk. Some of the boys even considering the idea of running up and grabbing at her, but after seeing such a strict look on the teachers face, they decided against it.
After all of the boys had walked out, the girl managed the courage to say “alright, lesson’s over, let me go” with a slight tremble in her voice. The teacher closed the door and ignored her. Walking back over to her as she started to stand up, he grabbed her by the hair causing her to arch her back and whimper in pain a bit. Putting his mouth close to her ear he spoke in a soft tone and as calmly as he could he asked the question from before once more “do the ropes make you feel confined and submissive?” She pauses a moment and he reaches up and aggressively grabs her breast through her shirt, she screams “yes!” he squeezes firmly and says “yes what? Be respectful, you know how to be respectful don’t you?”
“yes sir!” she says in a whimper and he releases her. She collapses back onto the desk and once again he lifts her skirt, she stammers “w-w-what are you doing?” and in the strictest and coldest voice so far he responded. “Giving you a spanking for your behavior. You not only disrespected me, you also embarrassed me in front of the class.”.
“b-b-but you c-c-an’t do that!” she stutters again. but he ignores her, pulling her panties down and letting them fall to her ankles, sliding his hand over her ass, getting familiar with the shape of it. Sliding his fingers between her legs, probing against her pussy. A chill goes down her spine as she feels so violated and weak, even more so because in a sick way, she feels excited by it. She feels pressure on her inner thigh, it’s his hand leading her to spread her legs, she follows his direction unconsciously, leaving her legs wide enough to keep her balanced. Then a moment of peace as his hand rears back into the air and it all comes to an end when his palm plants against her waiting skin. It stings at first but starts to become more of a burning. Her body tenses up and she flinches when it hits. Followed by her muscles relaxing beyond her control, her whole body is sore from fighting the ropes, she gives into it and accepts it, once again a hand lifts up and comes down at the other side of her bottom. Heavier then before. She tenses up again but each and every time she recovers quicker then before. He continues to punish her for what seems like hours. And by the end of it, she doesn’t want to admit it to herself but she is so turned on by the whole thing, she leaves a small puddle of her juices at the edge of the desk.
The teacher unties her wrists and then walks around to his chair behind the desk, “stand up” he says and she immediately obeys. Her cheeks glossed with tears, still sobbing a bit and trying not to let the teacher know she enjoyed it more then it hurt her. He looks her in the eye “Do you think you were punished unfairly?” she takes a moment and shakes her head, admitting that she had deserved it while secretly thinking about how glad she is to have done so. “Now, you will return for this class on time every day, you will help me demonstrate or you will get an F in this course, I own you now, understood?” she nods and reaches back to rub her burning cheeks. The teacher stands up and walks back around to her, she doesn’t move “…and one last thing.” he bends down hooking his finger into the waistband of her panties, still at her ankles “I’ll be keeping these, you are not to wear underwear for the rest of the day, nor sleep in any clothes tonight, is that clear?” she says in a low voice “yes sir” as she steps out of her panties and he lifts them up from the floor, tossing them onto his desk and walking back around to his chair. “Now get going, you have other classes to attend to”
She does as she is told, walking off slowly and opening the door, taking one last look back at her panties on the desk and then to him, the final thought of wether he’s her new master enters her head right as she closes the door, taking a moment to adjust her skirt and pull it down as far as it will go. The whole thing playing over again and again in her mind, the bruises on her wrists and the welts on her bottom a sore reminder of the whole thing, another bell goes off which yanks her back into reality and she hurries off to her next class.
The End.

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Fiction

The Beast Within Chapter 2

The second chapter of “The Beast Within”, a story about a young man bitten by a wolf who then transforms into a beast. He seeks out the nearest person to unleash his desires upon… His Mother. The second chapter takes place from the point of view of the mother.

Fantasy

Wife turns

Cari and I have been married for 19 years now. We have quite a healthy sex life despite the fact that I have not actually been inside her for the past few years.

Fantasy

My boss

I’ve always had this fantasy about my boss at work. Now I’m going to share it with you. But first let me give you a little information on how he really is.
His name is Joseph. Forty-two and really skinny. A sort of stuck up man. He owns a restaurant in the small town I live near by. He has a bitch of a wife and eight kids. Yea eight. He never compliments me or any of his employees. The few times he ever really talks to me is when he lectures me. He’s Mormon. So he’d never cheat on his wife. But that doesn’t mean i can’t fantasize.
Now a little of my story. For some odd reason I’m really attracted to him. His power over me, turns me on. The fact that he he barely acknowledge my existence, makes my heart race. He’d never do this, but I’ve given some thought about what I want to happen. So on to the fantasy.
* * *
I’m at work. I’m working really hard cooking order after order. He’s right beside me as usual. We finally beat the lunch rush and begin to clean up the mess in stock. Most of our boxes and lids are stored upstairs and from time to time we have to go up there and grab a bunch of stuff to restock.
“Elaine, we need eight by eights. Will you go upstairs and get them please?” I of coarse do as told. I run upstairs and turned on the storage lights. After searching for a bit I found what I was looking for and turned around to turn the light off, but was face to face will Joseph. A little shocked I stuttered, ” I’m sorry. Was I up here to long?” He didn’t say a word.
Staring at each other for a minute I finally began to try to get out of the room. But as I tried to get passed him he pushed me back. I tried again only a little harder. He grabbed my hips. Then with a hard push, knocked me down and pinned me to the floor. I was so confused and scared I didn’t know what to say.
“I know you want this. I can see it in your eyes. Well, I know i do. I want to fuck you hard.” I was shocked by his words but he was right. I did want it. He started to kiss me passionately. I eagerly kissed him back. I ripped his shirt off. I heard his many buttons fly everywhere. I kissed his chest. In my mind I imagine it hard and muscular. Then completely remove the torn remains off.
He pulled my shirt off exposing my pump breasts. I could feels his eyes enjoying there firmness. He began to squeeze them then kissed the exposed skin. Then back to my lips. He lifted me up enough to undo my bra and then pinned me back down. I could feel my panties get wet. His mouth devour my hardened nipples. Kissing and sucking one at a time. He lifted his body up then undid his pants.
I knew instantly what to do. I grabbed out his throbbing cock and starting sucking. I also imagine it to be around eight inches. With every soft stroke of my mouth I get just a little deeper and he gets a little harder. Finally I get his full length in my mouth. I start pounding his cock against my face. He lets off loud moans. I go faster and faster and then feel his sweet cum in my throat. He pulls my head close to his body with every shot of come.
I lay back down. Impressed with my good sucking. But Joseph wasn’t done. ” I said I was going to fuck you hard.” With a hard jerk and twist he had me up on my knees. He rapidly undid my pants and pulled down my drenched panties. Without hesitation he pushed in his still hard cock. His first thrust was really hard. But after only three thrusts he sent me to an extreme orgasm. I tried hard not to scream.
He pulled on my hair and used it to keep his balance while his other hand slapped my ass. He moaned and breathed hard but fucked me harder and harder with every thrust. He moved his hand from my hair down to my swollen clit. Then sent me to a second orgasm. He pinched my clit and then pulled his hand up to where his cock was. I felt a finger with his cock inside of me. Then two, then three.
So afraid I was going to scream, I covered my mouth. He took his fingers out. ” OH fuck I’m going to come.” He pulled his cock out of my satisfied pussy and sprayed his come all over my ass then watched me rub it all over myself. He slapped his cock on my ass a few times and let it rest there. Then got a huge grin on his face.
How about a good ass fucking? I’ve never been in to that but I for some reason wanted him to. He covers his once again hard cock with saliva and slowly inserts himself in. I imagine it to feel really good. He starts slow then gets harder and faster. He puts two of his fingers inside of my well fucked pussy. Sliding in and out of it as he fucks my ass. He puts in three fingers. Then Four. Then slowly he has his whole hand inside of me.
I came again. My juices keeping me lubricated and his hand able to move. He starts to ram my ass and I feel his cock jerk. He moans louder and with four long and harder thrusts, comes in my ass. He pulls out and watches me put my clothes back on. Then I head home knowing if this keeps up I’ll get a raise.

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