Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Chapter Nine: Meow!
Disclamer: Not mine, I own nothing. I’m not making any money
WARNING: Harsh Language, adult themes, sexual situations (i.e. smut), bad spelling and grammar.
Author’s Notes: This story is a broad farce with over the top humor (a good deal of it is crude and sexual) and OOC actions (that’s Out Of Character if you don’t know). Also, this is my first smut-ish fic. If you don’t like sex and sex-based humor, do NOT read this!
Chapter Nine Summary: Hermione proves that Crookshanks isn’t the only one with claws!
The trio landed in the Hospital Ward of Hogwarts, and Hermione instantly called for Madam Pomfrey. The matron came bolting out of her office, and upon seeing Ron and Harry’s condition, demanded to know what happened.
“We were attacked by Death Eaters,” Hermione practically shouted out in panic. “Ron was blown into a wall after being hit with two Cruciatus Curses. I think he may have a concussion.”
Pomfrey waved her wand at Harry and Ron, using a Mobilicorpus Charm to float the two toward a pair of hospital beds. Harry groaned pitifully; even though Pomfrey’s charm was very gentle, it still jostled him a bit which just seemed to aggravate his numerous bruises, especially the battered ‘Harry, Jr.’ and his baggage and his mangled finger.
After her two patients came to rest on their respective beds, Pomfrey waved her wand over Ron’s body. “You’re right, Miss Granger. He has suffered a concussion,” the nurse announced.
Ron’s eyes fluttered open and he muttered softly “All that hair… she could have knitted some sweaters of something…”
Harry cringed at the mental image of Bellatrix in her nakedness. Hermione looked as if she was going to be physically ill.
“Don’t worry dear,” Pomfrey said to Hermione after she noticed the younger witch’s discomfort from Ron’s statement. “It’s just the concussion talking. I’m sure it means nothing.”
Pomfrey continued to flourish her wand over Ron’s body while performing a number of spells as she continued to try and comfort Hermione. “You should’ve heard the unbelievable things Mr. Potter mumbled in his sleep the last time he was here: a giant black dog that was actually an escaped murderer, a diary that would talk to him, an adventure where he used Polyjuice to sneak into the Slytherin Common Room…”
“I didn’t know I talked in my sleep,” Harry admitted in a hushed tone to Hermione as Pomfrey continued to list his deeds, adventures, and misdeeds.
“I guess it’s a good thing that I find that out now,” Hermione breathed into his ear. “Better now than to find out later, when we’re sleeping together.”
Harry coughed and jerked about slightly on the bed at Hermione’s declaration. She clearly announced that she and Harry were going to sleep together! This, added to the taunt she used earlier against Bellatrix, told Harry that their relationship was going to advance, very soon. Of course, Harry hadn’t attempted to cough and jerk in celebration; he had tried to jump up and shout, “I’m getting lucky!” but due to his various injuries, all Harry could manage was to cough and jerk about. Though in his defense, it was a rather jubilant cough. Pomfrey turned around and began to perform several diagnostic charms on Harry after she was finished with Ron.
“Hmm….a number of bruises,” the healer stated aloud and froze for a moment over ‘Harry, Jr.’ and his luggage. “Ooooh. Ouch; I bet that smarts.”
Harry nodded his head silently and Hermione let out a pitiful whimper in sympathy. Pomfrey patted Harry on the shoulder and said in a comforting tone, “Don’t worry, son, it will be up in no time. Err… slip of the tongue, sorry about that.”
After informing a grateful Harry that no lasting damage was done to the “Great House of Potter’s Family Jewels,” she added, “But you can’t go playing with it for a while. You had some considerable damage done.”
Before Harry could inquire as to how long ‘Harry, Jr.’ was out of commission, Hermione did it for him. “How long until I can… um…” the poor girl turned such a vibrant shade of red that anyone could tell that she was completely embarrassed. She hemmed and hawed a bit while Pomfrey eyed Hermione suspiciously before concluding weakly “Err… that is, how long until Harry can uh, use it?”
“He’ll have to take a dose of ‘Bruise-Be-Gone’ first,” Pomfrey informed as she stared at Hermione’s still red eye. “Mr. Potter will be … ready in a few hours.”
The healer leaned toward Hermione and placed her wand in front of the younger witch’s puffy eye. “Now, why don’t you let me fix your eye?”
“Um… it’s not a Conjunctivitis Curse, ma’am,” admitted Hermione. “I don’t think the counter spell will work properly.”
“Miss. Granger, this school is filled with teenagers, all with overactive hormones, who like to experiment…I know exactly what this is,” Pomfrey stated. “And many young men have bad aim like Mr. Potter, here. Amatorius/ Abdo!”/
With a pop, the redness and puffiness in and around Hermione’s eye disappeared. Pomfrey concluded “I’ve had to use that spell more times than I care to count. I just wish you girls would learn to turn your face away in time.” The healer then refocused her attention on Harry and his damaged digit. “Well, the bones will have to come out of that I’m afraid.”
“No, not Skele-Grow again,” complained Harry.
“Oh, hush,” Pomfrey ordered. “You had your whole arm re-grown a few years back. One finger will be nothing compared to that.” Pomfrey cast the spell and Harry’s finger deflated like a balloon as the bones disappeared. Hermione let out a pathetic whimper when she saw Harry’s finger dangle like a strip of flesh-colored rubber hanging from his hand.
“Ms Granger, I need you to fetch some of my potions for me,” ordered the matron. “First, Mr. Potter will need Bruise-be-Gone; it’s a black and blue bottle, and of course the Skele-Grow; I believe you’ll remember what that looks like. I will also need Caruthers’s Concussion Concoction for Mr. Weasley.” Biting her lip, Hermione nodded and dashed off to the Hospital Ward office.
The moment that Hermione disappeared into the office, the doors leading from the hallway into the Hospital Ward flew open and a very nervous looking Tonks barged in, followed by an angry looking Professor McGonagall. “Nymphadora, I demand to know what’s going on! You come barreling out of the Floo in my office and without a word come running down-”
The Headmistress stopped her tirade of Tonks when she saw two of her students in bed. Harry waved at the two witches. Of course he did this with his bad hand which just caused his bone-less finger to flap this way and that.
“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?” screeched McGonagall.
“We were attacked,” Hermione answered simply as she stepped out of the office with her arms full of potion bottles and walked past McGonagall and Tonks.
“I got a fire-call from one of my supervisors. He told me that a number of Death Eaters attacked Godric’s Hollow,” explained Tonks. “I apparated there as fast as I could, but it was all over when I got there. There were about three dozen unconscious Death Eaters plus my evil bitch of an aunt. She was unconscious as well, but she was foaming at the mouth. Oddly enough, she had the happiest smile I’ve ever seen on a person.”
“I’ll give this one to Mr. Weasley,” Pomfrey said to Hermione and she took one of the three bottles. “Give a dose of each of those two to Mr. Potter.”
“But what made you come here and why are those two hurt…?” McGonagall stopped herself while indicating Ron and Harry.
“I knew that these three were going to Godric’s Hollow,” Tonks continued. “When I got there, I feared the worst when I couldn’t find them. But one of the witnesses said that they saw three teenagers Portkey away. So I figured they’d head here.”
“One of the Death Eaters escaped as well,” Hermione announced as she poured some of the foul tasting potion down Harry’s throat. “Well, mostly escaped; he splinched himself trying to get away.”
“That would explain the spare leg we found,” concluded Tonks. “But what it doesn’t explain is how we can’t seem to revive the Death Eaters. Except for my vicious Aunt, they all show the symptoms of being stunned. But when we tried a rennervate, nothing happened.”
“Oh that,” stated Hermione who was doing her best to ignore the gagging sounds coming from Harry who was fighting desperately not to throw up the god-awful potions. “You’ll have to hit them with a few dozen Rennervate Charms. Harry… um… well we discovered that Harry can be fairly powerful when he puts his mind to it.”
“Poppy, what’s your diagnosis?” asked McGonagall.
“Potter is fairly beaten up, including a severely broken finger and some deep bruising, but it’s nothing a good night’s rest and a potion or two won’t fix. Weasley, however, has one hell of a concussion. I want to keep him here overnight for observation.”
“Does that mean Harry can leave?” asked Hermione.
“I don’t see why not,” replied Pomfrey. “It’s just a couple of bruises and a finger that needs the bones re-grown. He’s suffered worse.”
“I’ll go back and tell our healers how to awaken the thugs,” Tonks said as she started to walk out of the ward. “I mean we can’t just chuck them into Azkaban if they’re permanently stunned.”
As gently as she could, Hermione helped her bruised and battered boyfriend to his feet.
“Don’t worry about Mr. Weasley, I’ll take good care of him,” Pomfrey informed the couple as they made their way slowly out of the Ward. “And remember, no funny business for the next few hours.”
“That means no experimentation with Cheering Charms,” added McGonagall. Harry groaned as the Headmistress gave him another one of her disturbing saucy smiles.
After what seemed like an eternity of jostling ‘Harry, Jr.’s baggage by walking up various stairs, the couple finally made it back to the Gryffindor Common Room. Harry groaned once more as he noticed that Hermione was steering him toward the stairs that led to his dorm room. At that point, those stairs weren’t just another set of stairs that Harry had to climb. To him it was an evil torture device that was designed solely for the purpose to cause even more pain to his battered bits.
“Can’t I just stay here and sleep on the couch?” whined Harry.
“No,” Hermione stated firmly. “You’ll rest better in your own bed.”
“Bu-bu-bu but the stairs…. They hurt,” complained Harry.
“Just a few more and I promise you can lie down.”
Hermione led Harry up the thirteen steps with each one causing Harry to wince. When the couple walked into Harry’s dorm room, he was nearly doubled over in pain due to his bruised bits. That and the fact that the Skele-Grow had just started to kick in. It felt as if dozens of needles were being shoved through his damaged hand.
“Just lay down,” Hermione said as she helped Harry lower himself on his bed. “I’ll get some food. We haven’t eaten since breakfast.”
The brunette witch stood up and called out “Dobby!” An instant later, the neurotic house-elf appeared with a crack.
“Yes, Miss Harry Potter’s Hermy, you called for Dobby?” he asked nervously.
“Yes, I did Dobby. Harry and I need food. Would you please go get something for us to eat?” Hermione asked politely.
“Dobby would love to!” the little creature squealed.
“But, Harry’s going on a special diet,” added Hermione.
“I am?” asked Harry. This was a new revelation for him, leaving him more than a little surprised. He was curious as to why Hermione would make him go on a “special diet” without even talking to him about it.
“Yes, you are,” Hermione replied to Harry. But before he could ask why, she turned back to Dobby. “We’ll need some protein. Perhaps a simple steak, but he’s going to need vegetables. This is the most important part though, no eggs or dairy.”
“But I like dairy,” complained Harry. He didn’t know what was on the diet she had concocted for him, but he was hurting from the beating and grumpy from the ride that made a mockery of his parents. The last thing he wanted to do was not eat the things he liked. He thought of a way to convince Hermione into allowing him some cheese. Indicating his limp digit, Harry argued “And I probably need calcium to help my bones grow. So I should get some cheese.”
“No dairy. It’s very important to your diet.” she said firmly.
“What diet?”
“But I do see the point of calcium,” she continued, ignoring his question. “Even though the Skele-Grow will do all the work, calcium is very important. Some dark green vegetables have loads of calcium.”
“Miss Harry Potter’s Hermy mean like asparagus?” offered Dobby.
Before Harry could protest, Hermione shouted, “Good God no! All my research states that would be very bad! Very bad indeed! Very foul.”
“What research?” demanded Harry, which Hermione once again ignored.
“Some vegetables like broccoli, chicory greens, and cabbage will do,” Hermione counted off. “And definitely celery. But make the majority of the meal out of fruits like kiwi, watermelon, and pineapple”
“Dobby will be back shortly!” the house elf announced and disappeared with a crack.
“What diet?” implored Harry.
“It’s a surprise,” Hermione answered and she walked over to the side of the bed. “I’ll have to get you into your pajamas,” she added, effectively changing the subject. With a flick of her wand, all of Harry’s clothes disappeared from his body leaving him stretched out on his bed completely naked. He found it odd that he wasn’t embarrassed in the slightest as Hermione examined his naked form. “Oh, my poor baby,” Hermione pouted as she saw all the purple bruises on his flesh. “Oh no!” she moaned as her eyes took in ‘Harry, Jr.’
“Is it bad?” asked Harry, fearful to check for himself. In his panicked mind, he imagined ‘Harry, Jr.’ all sorts of funny colors and twisted this way and that.
“It looks bad,” admitted Hermione, which didn’t help calm Harry’s worries about ‘Harry, Jr.’ being all twisted. “But Madam Pomfrey said that it should be back to normal in a few hours, thanks to the potion. Now I’ll conjure some bottoms for you.”
Another swish of her wand and Harry felt a pair of silk pajamas cover himself.
“Thanks,” Harry said.
Then Hermione waved her wand again and this time, much to Harry’s enjoyment, her clothes disappeared with a soft pop. She stood unabashedly in front of Harry in nothing more than her white cotton knickers.
“B-b-bu-but Pomfrey said we couldn’t fool around,” Harry stammered while looking in her eyes (As everybody knows, when a man is faced with a topless beauty and he says that he is looking in the aforementioned beauty’s eyes what he actually means is that he is staring directly into the beauty’s nipples).
“Harry, my eyes are up here,” Hermione said while gesturing with her hands to look up. “Harry. Baby. My eyes… they’re up here…”
Harry really did try to take his eyes off of ‘Carmella’ and ‘Natasha’ but he failed. It was like his eyes were hit with a Permanent Sticking Charm and they were magically attached to her nipples. He did notice that Hermione’s flesh turn a little red and he also saw that her lovely nipples started to get erect.
“Do you really like looking at my breasts?” Hermione asked nervously.
“Oh, yes,” Harry nodded while keeping his eyes on her pertness. “I can do this all day and not get bored.”
Hermione’s flesh blushed even more (Harry couldn’t tell if any other part of her body had blushed because of the whole “Permanent Sticking Charm” thing).
“I do appreciate it,” admitted Hermione as she unconsciously thrust her breasts up. Harry took this opportunity to examine them even more. Doing her breast – I mean best to ignore the cooing noises that Harry was making while looking at her, Hermione forged on. “But I believe we need to discuss something.”
“Discuss away,” replied Harry who had now taken on the appearance of a deer caught in headlights; Hermione’s headlights that is.
“Harry why did…” began Hermione but then paused and attempted to start again. “Earlier today, Bellatrix…” she huffed and began to lecture her boyfriend who was only half-listing because he had most of his attention on her wonderful boobs. “Harry, I really do like the fact that you find me attractive, but I can’t talk to you when you aren’t looking at me!”
“I am looking at you,” said Harry, which he technically was.
Hermione cursed under her breath and walked over to Harry’s trunk. Harry was a tad disappointed when Hermione turned her back on him thereby removing ‘Carmella’ and ‘Natasha’ from his sight. His disappointment was soon replaced by joy when the brunette witch bent over at the hips as she began rooting around looking for something in his trunk. This action gave Harry a very clear view of Hermione’s wonderful bum, which he enjoyed looking at as much as he enjoyed viewing her boobs. Harry rationalized that her bum was very similar to her boobs: both were made up of two wondrous mounds, both were often hidden cruelly from his eyes by thin pieces of fabric, both had cleavage in one way or another, and he thoroughly enjoyed fondling both sets.
Harry was pulled out of his musing about the similarities of Hermione’s boobs and arse when the witch stood up after finding whatever she had been searching for. The item turned out to be a ratty old pullover that Harry wore whenever he would practice Quidditch. He grunted a sound of objection as Hermione pulled the worn and tattered shirt on; obscuring his view of ‘Carmella’ and /’Natasha’/. The shirt used to be Dudley’s when the fat arse was in primary, and even though Harry had grown considerably, it was still very large on him. But on Hermione, it was a nightgown. It did a very effective job of covering all of Hermione’s nakedness… and her bum… and her knees. It almost covered her ankles for pity’s sake! ‘/Damn that pullover, damn it all to hell!/’ Harry grumbled in his mind.
“We need to talk about something very important and I don’t need you distracted,” announced Hermione as she tied up her hair in a loose bun.
“If you didn’t want me distracted, why did you get all naked?” argued Harry.
“You don’t expect me to sleep with you with all my clothes on do you?” countered Hermione.
“Well, no but…” Harry began to debate when his brain caught up. She had said “sleep with you.” The bespectacled wizard became very, one might even say incredibly, light-headed. “S-s-s-sleep with me?” he squeaked.
“Yes, you’ve had a very traumatic day,” she explained. “I’m not letting you spend the night alone after that bloody ride and that beating you received.”
Harry glanced apprehensively between ‘Harry, Jr.’ and Hermione a grand total of six times before saying “But… but… but Pomfrey said I couldn’t fool around for a few hours….”
“Harry, I said sleep with you; as in your bed!” scolded Hermione which just made Harry more confused. They obviously weren’t talking about the same thing. “Just because I said I wanted to sleep with you doesn’t mean I want to have sex tonight!”
“Yes it does!” exclaimed Harry. “It’s against the law to tell a bloke that you’ll sleep with him but it doesn’t include sex!”
“What law Harry?” Hermione asked incredulously.
“My law!”
“Budge over,” Hermione requested of a pouting Harry. The wizard complied and crossed his arms over his chest. Hermione sat on the bed and spoke softly. “One of the side effects of the ‘Bruise-be-Gone’ potion is temporary impotence.” Harry let out a panicked groan as Hermione continued to explain. “Temporary impotence Harry; a few hours at the most. I read the side effects on the bottle before I gave it to you.”
“Oh,” Harry said as relief washed over him.
“And as to sex,” Hermione continued and a smile reappeared on her face, “I do want you to be my first. But I want it to be special.”
Harry’s relief was quickly replaced by guilt. The entire time he had been thinking of only himself, not what Hermione had wanted or deserved. Hermione obviously noticed his discomfort because she leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips.
“I’m sorry, Hermione,” Harry apologized. “I wasn’t thinking…”
“It’s alright, Harry,” cooed Hermione. “After the day you had, I expect that you feel pretty rotten.”
“I’m okay,” replied Harry.
“And that’s what I wanted to discuss with you about,” stated Hermione. “Today, Bellatrix said that she was told your powers weren’t working right. How did she know that?”
“Kreacher must have told her.”
“What? Are you certain?” Hermione asked.
“Pretty much. Bellatrix said something about a House-Elf and granting his wish of chopping his head off.”
“That does seem to indicate Kreacher,” Hermione allowed. “But how, I mean when could he have told her? Didn’t you order him to stay at Hogwarts?”
“Remember last night, after Gryffindor caught us-” Harry began.
“Yes!” Hermione interrupted. It was obvious from the way she had said “Yes” that she didn’t want to discuss the “I’m sorry I got cum in your eye while a perverted ghost watched us” incident.
“Well, I was in the Common Room all naked and I, well I kind of called for Dobby and Kreacher,” Harry continued.
“How did you accidentally call for a house elf?”
“I think I asked for some help out loud,” explained Harry. “Anyway, those two showed up…”
“While you were naked?”
“Yes,” replied Harry irritably before continuing. “I asked them if they could conjure some pajamas…”
“Because you were naked?” interrupted Hermione.
“Yes!” he shouted. Hermione got an embarrassed look on her face and became silent. After a moment, Harry continued. “After Dobby made me pajamas…”
“Because you were nude,” Hermione interrupted once more. “Did they say anything? I mean House-Elves help some of the older pure-blood families dress, did Dobby or Kreacher make any comparisons? Length or girth perhaps?”
In response, Harry glared at his girlfriend. He was hoping that his glare would be enough to end Hermione’s line of questions.
“Oh, they did!” squealed Hermione. It was obvious that Harry’s glare only encouraged his girlfriend. “How do you rank!”
“Hermione, please! Do you want me to explain or not?” Harry chastised.
“Fine, go ahead,” Hermione pouted.
“I told them I couldn’t do magic because mine had gone all wonky,” explained Harry. “After that I told them they could leave-”
“Oh!” exclaimed Hermione. “And Kreacher must’ve interpreted your order to mean that he could leave the castle-”
“-and tell Voldemort’s boot-lickers that I can’t use magic,” Harry added.
“Which, as we know, isn’t the case,” Hermione completed. “Now what’ll we do with the traitorous elf?”
“I thought you were for House Elf rights?”
“I am,” replied Hermione. “But we can’t have that evil little bugger running around. He’s too dangerous.”
“Agreed.”
“So, two house-elves saw you naked,” chuckled Hermione, bringing up the embarrassing moment again.
“Would you let it drop?” implored Harry. “It could’ve happened to anyone.”
“But it didn’t happen to anyone,” countered Hermione. “It happened to you. Personally, I’d never be able to live it down if a house elf saw me starkers,” Hermione concluded her ribbing with a peck on Harry’s cheek. “Now, if I can talk about something more serious?”
“Please do,” responded Harry.
“… and not House Elves seeing a particular wizard’s bits…”
“Hermione!”
“… all dangly…”
“Hermione!”
“… and wrinkly…”
“I AM NOT WRINKLY!”
“I would like to talk about the attack today,” stated Hermione, her tone becoming serious.
“Oh, yeah, that,” Harry stammered.
“You were fantastic,” complimented Hermione.
“Thanks,” Harry said awkwardly. “You were pretty good too.”
“No, I wasn’t. That’s what I want to talk to you about,” added Hermione. “I had difficulty fighting one Death Eater at a time. And when I did subdue one, one of his compatriots would revive or free him, sending him back into the fight. You, on the other hand, took out dozens with one blow! And they were out for the count!”
“But that isn’t a fair comparison,” Harry stated. “I’ve had a power boosting ritual, whereas you haven’t.”
“That’s why I’d like to perform a power boosting ritual for myself. That way, if we run into any other Death Eaters in our search for the Horcruxes, I can be of help to you,” Hermione continued. “I found a permanent boosting ritual in the book.”
“Really?” This piqued Harry’s interest. Actually, anything found in the book piqued his interest. He wondered what type of activity the ritual needed. For his ritual, he performed oral sex on Hermione. Did the ritual require a sex act? ‘Duh!’ he mentally chastised himself. ‘Of course it requires a sex act! It’s a book on sex magic.’
“Yes, it requires a sex act,” Hermione said as if she could read his mind. “A very substantial sex act,” she added apprehensively.
“What do you mean by ‘substantial’?” Harry asked with concern. Hermione was obviously nervous about the ritual and he didn’t want to pressure her into doing anything that she wasn’t ready to do.
“Remember what we were talking about before?”
“Um,” Harry began to recall the various subjects they had talked about previously. The only thing that came to mind was the recent ribbing he received about having Dobby and Kreacher see him naked. That and his internal musings about her bum and boobs.
“Sex, Harry,” Hermione explained.
“Oh!”
“Yes. I would have to take a special potion, say an incantation, and then our magics, combined with the blood from my hymen, creates a permanent boost for me.”
“Oh,” repeated Harry.
With a loud crack, Dobby reappeared carrying two platters of food. Hermione conjured a small table for Dobby to place the food on and bid the house-elf good-night.
“Getting back to the ritual,” Hermione began as she ate some fruit. “I really do want you to be my first. And I do want to do it soon – not just for the power boost, but because I love you.”
Harry had some difficulty eating his fruit; it wasn’t every day where he would talk casually about losing his virginity with the woman he loved. Every time he attempted to pick up a piece of fruit, he discovered his hands were trembling so much that he couldn’t hold it properly and just dropped it. Upon noticing his predicament, Hermione held a slice of pumpkin to his lips.
“One of the reasons that I am hesitant is Ron,” Hermione said as Harry ate the pumpkin.
“What about him?” asked Harry.
“I feel guilty about him being alone,” explained Hermione as she held a piece of cantaloupe for Harry to eat as she finished her own slice. “We were a couple and I left him for you.”
“Oh yeah,” agreed Harry.
“I think I’ll feel less guilty if we get him a girlfriend,” concluded Hermione. “But it will NOT be Lav-Lav or anyone like her.”
“So Parvati is a no-no, seeing how she and Lavender share the same half of a half-brain.”
“That would make a quarter, love,” corrected Hermione. Before Harry could take offence, she added, “And Ron’s quick temper would cause a great deal of strife between him and most of the remaining witches from Gryffindor.”
“Besides Ginny… but that’s just sick and wrong.”
“Yeah, that’d be worse than you and Ginny, Mr. Freud.”
“Will I ever live that down?”
“No, not really,” said Hermione after a moment of consideration.
“Fine. So nobody from Gryffindor and definitely no one from Slytherin,” Harry stated. “Ron hates everybody and everything to do with that house.”
“So that leaves Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw.”
“Wait, why not a Muggle girl?” offered Harry.
“Please! Could you imagine if Ron and the poor Muggle girl actually became a couple?” asked Hermione. “She would bring him home to meet her folks and he would make an arse out of himself because of the scene he would make when he saw all the pictures that didn’t move or a toaster that is actually plugged into the wall. And imagine what will happen when Ron sees a telly for the first time?”
“He would probably hit it with a Blasting Hex out of sheer panic.”
“Yes, he would,” Hermione continued. “Ron cannot function in the Muggle world for one moment. And to ask a Muggle to live strictly in the magical world would be equally as cruel.”
“So, that leaves us someone from either Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff, then.”
“As I said. Let’s see… Hufflepuff House is known to have loyal, hardworking, and patient people…”
“Which is good seeing that to be with Ron, the witch would have to be loyal, hardworking, and patient because of his quick and foul temper and his stubbornness,” Harry completed.
“And Ravenclaw has intelligent and insightful people in that house…” Hermione began.
“Another good thing because the witch would often have to look past the unintentionally mean and crude things Ron can sometimes blurt out.”
“This’ll be harder than I first expected,” mused Hermione. Harry nodded his head in agreement. The couple finished their meal in silence.
After Hermione banished the platters away, she crawled into bed with Harry. He kissed her gently and they said their good-nights. Hermione muttered “Nox” and the dorm room became pitch black. Harry held Hermione close to him in the darkness. His crotch was pressed firmly up against her bum; a position that would normally have ‘Harry, Jr.’ jumping for joy. But because of that damned potion, ‘Harry, Jr.’ was off in slumber land and couldn’t enjoy another romp with Hermione. Then fear hit Harry, what if it wasn’t temporary? What if the Skele-Grow had altered the Bruise-be-Gone potion’s side effect in some unforeseeable way? Yes, he knew that ‘Harry, Jr.’ didn’t have any bones in him, but when most men are dealing with impotency (temporary or not) they tend to panic.
Forcing himself not to think about his flaccid state, Harry turned his thoughts to Ron and the challenge of finding him a girl. ‘Who could the ideal witch for Ron be? I got lucky with Hermione, she understands me so well. But Ron can be such a difficult bloke at times.’
They needed a witch who was patient and insightful; one that could put up with Ron’s temper and his crass behavior. He suddenly recalled a conversation he had with a certain blonde witch at the end of his fifth year. The witch had dealt with her housemates’ cruel actions throughout the entire year and she simply told Harry that they didn’t mean it. She understood that they were kind people who sometimes did bad things.
Could she be the one? She was blonde and as recently as the wedding reception, Ron had stated that he fancied that particular hair color after all.
“Hermione, I think I know who the witch is,” Harry said in the darkness.
“Really, who?”
“Luna.”
“WHAT?” Hermione screeched. “Luna! You can’t be serious?”
“Yes, she’s perfect! She very patient and insightful,” explained Harry.
After a moment of silence where Harry could actually feel her thinking about the situation, Hermione allowed, “And she does fancy him. Remember that silly ‘Weasley is our King’ song she kept humming?”
“Or the fact that she apparently refuses to call him ‘Ron’?”
“Yes, it’s always ‘Ronald.’ And remember how she would laugh at all of his so-called jokes?”
“See, she’s perfect,” Harry said triumphantly.
“Well, I wouldn’t say ‘perfect’; she is a bit out there.”
“And Ron isn’t?”
“Point taken. Let’s plan on heading over to Luna’s and see if we can set up a date for the two of them.”
“Ron may need some convincing though.”
“Don’t worry, I have a plan…” she finished menacingly.
With that, the two lovers drifted off to sleep.
*
Harry was once again having a very peculiar dream. In it, he was on some distant planet that was completely covered in sand. Harry was some sort of religious icon to the people that lived on this planet. And on this desert planet, giant worms existed, each of which was hundreds of feet long. For some reason, the people depended upon them. But something terrible had happened to the worms. For some reason, none of the giant worms were moving. It was as if they were in a coma.
The people turned to Harry to bring these creatures back to life, because apparently that’s what religious icons did. He tried several things to revive the worms. First he talked to a giant clam that was nearby. But the clam couldn’t offer anything; it kept gibbering on about commitment and respect. He tried again by casting a Rennervate Charm to no avail. He then got the oddest notion to pet the monster.
Tentatively, he patted the worm’s side and much to his surprise, the creature moved slightly. He called to a group of women to give him a hand petting the worm. Oddly enough, all the women looked vaguely like Hermione. With the help of the women, Harry was able to pet the worm back to life. The giant creature rose victoriously into the air and the people cheered, “THE SLEEPER HAS AWAKENED!”
*
Harry slowly awoke from his odd dream. It was still pitch black in the room and he couldn’t see his hand in front of his face (that he didn’t have his glasses on didn’t help the situation, either). But what he could tell was that Hermione’s bum was still firmly pressed against his crotch and more, it appeared that ‘Harry, Jr.’ woke up before Harry himself did. Thankfully, the temporary side effect of impotency had worn off. And it seemed to have worn off with a vengeance. It was so hard that it hurt!
Harry’s fifth appendage was roughly poking Hermione’s left cheek. The witch purred and she ground her bum into his erection. Even though he was still half-asleep, Harry was not one to turn down an early morning frolic.
He nuzzled the nape of her neck while his hand trailed down her taut and naked tummy. He knew it was naughty, and a bit fast, but he wanted to show Hermione that his finger had completely healed. With his now- repaired finger, Harry pressed the witch’s love button through her knickers. In apparent appreciation, the witch rubbed her bum up against his aroused state even more.
Harry nibbled on her ear and he took in her distinctive flowery smell. Harry paused both in his nibbling and his rubbing of the witch’s ear and knickers (both of which were very damp at the time). Even with his sleep addled brain, Harry began to realize something was amiss. Hermione didn’t have a flowery scent; her scent reminded him of parchment and old books. Before he could ponder this revelation further, the witch ground her hips into the still erect form of ‘Harry, Jr.’
“C’mon Harry, don’t stop now,” the witch purred. Harry immediately recognized that the voice he was hearing didn’t belong to Hermione. But due to his not-quite-awake state, it took Harry a half second to place it.
“GINNY!” he screamed and jumped out of the bed as if it was engulfed in flames. He frantically ran to the door but found it locked. The fact that the door was locked didn’t stop Harry from trying to claw his way through the barricade like a wild animal. “W-w-w-where did you come from?”
“Mum got a call from Professor McGonagall about Ron being injured. Knowing that you’d be here, I… volunteered to check up on Ron for Mum,” Ginny replied.
“S-s-stay back!” Harry cried in fear as he continued to try to claw through the door.
“What’s your problem, Harry?” whined Ginny. Harry could hear her mutter a charm and all the torches in the room lit up, illuminating the room. “I could tell you wanted me; you were as hard as a rock.”
In truth he had been very erect; but that was when he thought his bedmate was Hermione. The moment he discovered that he was rubbing (in more ways than one) Ginny, the girl who looked like his mum, ‘Harry, Jr.’ deflated like a popped balloon. He turned to face his molester and tell her just that when he saw that she was sitting up in his bed and was very flushed. And very topless!
The half-naked Ginny rose from the bed, and with a sultry saunter to her walk, made her way to Harry, who at the time was trying his damnedest to push his body through the solid wooden door to get as far away from Ginny as possible.
“You know you want me,” she said huskily as she reached forward and cupped his crotch. Judging by the look on her face, Ginny was very surprised that Harry was no longer aroused. “Hey, what happened here?”
“What did you do with Hermione?” Harry choked out.
“Oh, I saw her leave to go use the loo,” she said nonchalantly, while twirling her wand in her hand. “So I decided to make my move. But I couldn’t have her pop in and spoil our fun now could I?”
“What did you do?” repeated Harry.
“I just tied her up,” she muttered as she eyed his trousers lustfully. “These won’t do.” With a flick of her wand, Harry’s trousers disappeared, leaving him completely nude.
Before he could cover himself, Ginny dove at his naked groin and began to devour his flaccid state with her lips and tongue.
“For the love of all that’s holy, what are you doing?” Harry shouted as he tried to push her away.
“C’mon Harry,” she pleaded in-between sucking, “you’re just being shy.”
Both Harry and Ginny were thrown to the floor when the door that Harry was leaning against blew up.
A very angry looking Hermione stood in the ruined doorway. She pointed her wand menacingly at Ginny. “Get – off – of – my – boyfriend!” she commanded.
“/Expelliarmus/!” Ginny shouted from beneath Harry forcing Hermione’s wand to go flying from her grasp. “I should’ve disarmed you when I tied you up,” Ginny stated as she pulled herself away from Harry. “Maybe I should tie you up again and make you watch as I turn my boyfriend into a man!”
But before Ginny could conjure robes to bind Hermione, the brunette witch slapped the wand out of her hand, sending it clattering under the bed. A very stunned Ginny turned back to Hermione and was about to verbally assault Harry’s girlfriend when Hermione slapped the younger witch across the face, hard.
“Ow!” cried out Ginny. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m going to beat some sense into you, bitch!” declared Hermione and she slapped Ginny again. “He doesn’t want you, you crazy stalker!”
Ginny slapped Hermione back and shouted “Yes he does! We were meant to be together!”
“Why? Because your mummy read you bedtime stories about the Boy Who Lived?” Hermione retorted as she tugged on a tuff of Ginny’s red hair.
“OW! Unlike you, I’ve been in love with him since I was a little girl!” screamed Ginny as she frantically tore off the pullover that Hermione had been using as a night gown.
Harry watch in both disgust and arousal as the two witches slapped and tugged at each other. The disgust came from the fact that the girl who looked like his mum was wearing nothing but her knickers while fighting his girlfriend. The arousal came from the fact that his girlfriend was wearing nothing but her knickers while fighting the girl who looked like his mum.
“You didn’t fall in love with Harry. You fell in love with the Boy Who Lived!” Hermione shouted before grabbing at and ripping off Ginny’s knickers. She threw the ruined garment in Ginny’s face, declaring, “That’s not who he is!”
“He saved me from the Basilisk! That proves he loves me!” defended Ginny as she roughly pinched Hermione’s tit as if to prove her point.
As Hermione rubbed her assaulted nipple, Harry suddenly recalled the events from the previous day. Specifically, after he had hit Hermione with his super-charged Cheering Charm, how Hermione seemed to enjoy all the spankings she both gave and received. Harry was reminded because he saw that ‘Carmella’ and ‘Natasha’ were fairly erect, even before the one had been pinched. Harry wondered if Hermione was actually enjoying the slaps she was receiving from Ginny (He figured she was enjoying slapping Ginny, regardless of any sexual reasons – the damned stalker deserved it). For just one second, Harry considered intervening in the fight just to ask Hermione if she was becoming aroused. Purely for reference. But he realized that it would be a bad idea to get involved in the catfight, if only due to the high potential of getting hit; Harry had received enough painful beatings from women to last a long while, thanks to Bellatrix.
“Sweetie, let me point something out to you,” Hermione began after she recovered from the pinch. “Harry stopped Voldemort from getting the Philosopher’s Stone thereby saving everyone.” Hermione punctuated her statement by slapping Ginny directly on her boob. “And technically, he saved everyone in the castle from the Basilisk.” Hermione viciously slapped the witch’s other tit. “So by your flawed reasoning, he should be in love with everyone in the school!” Hermione ended this part of her discussion by painfully striking Ginny dead center on her vulva.
Harry cringed as Ginny slumped to the floor painfully.
“You bitch!” screamed Ginny and dove at Hermione. She savagely tore Hermione’s knickers to shreds and was about to return the painful slap she had received when she suddenly paused looking at Hermione’s now naked groin.
“You’re shaved?” Ginny questioned.
“My hair isn’t the only thing kinky about me!” Hermione answered before slapping Ginny once more.
Hermione’s statement about being kinky would seem to suggest that she indeed did enjoy the slap fight. That and the fact that Harry could see both ‘/Carmella/’ and ‘/Natasha/’ were extremely erect and rigid. And that her flower seemed to be a touch puffy and dewy.
Ginny was awaken from her stupor upon seeing Hermione’s ‘hygienic state’ and let out a blood-curdling cry as she tackled Hermione to the floor.
It was at this point that Ron had the misfortune to enter the room. Apparently, Pomfrey had decided that he was healed enough to spend the rest of the night in his own bed. Harry saw the look in his friend’s eyes and could tell what he was thinking, simply because he would be thinking the same things if he were in Ron’s shoes. You see for a bloke, it’s more than a little uncomfortable if you see your male friend lying on the floor naked such as Harry was. Harry could tell that Ron was doing his best to block that particular vision from his eyes and memory. But it is considered quite entertaining if that same bloke sees his female friend naked early in the morning. And if that female friend – if you don’t remember; the nude one – happens to be rolling around on the ground while wrestling another equally naked, yet unknown, female at the time, well that’s just damn entertaining for the bloke. It was obvious to Harry that Ron’s first thought was to pull up a chair and enjoy the show. But then, Harry saw the horror dawn in his friend’s eyes. You see if the bloke who is enjoying watching his nude female friend wrestling with an equally nude, yet unknown, female finds out that the unknown nude female is actually his baby sister… well that’s generally considered a bad thing, especially if the bloke had been enjoying it. Harry could tell exactly when Ron figured out the identity of the second naked girl; Ron turned a most interesting shade of green.
Hermione shot up and spat a tuff of Ginny’s red hair out of her mouth (where that tuff had come from, Harry didn’t want to know). Hermione stood over Ginny and shouted, “Harry is in love with me and I’m in love with him and there is nothing you can do to change that!”
“We’ll see,” Ginny said defiantly.
“Oh, are you going to try to seduce him again?” Hermione mocked. “Let me tell you something, little girl; not only can he lick a mean pussy,” she paused and pointed to her bare groin to emphasize her point, “but he’s also came in my eye. And I’ve swallowed his load!”
“All at the same time?” Harry heard Ron muttered.
“Another thing,” Hermione continued, either oblivious to Ron’s presence or ignoring him. She stomped over to Harry and with an unusual show of strength, hoisted him off the floor and to his feet. “Harry and I are going to take a shower… together! And while I’m wanking him off, I’m going to take a huge amount of pleasure in the fact that I’ll be playing with something you can never have!” She concluded her statement by making a show of cupping Harry’s naked groin so that Ginny could see. “This is mine!” she growled.
Hermione gave Ginny the two fingered salute and led Harry out of the room and toward the bathroom, leaving Ron alone in the room with his naked sister.
*
It didn’t take much time for Harry to forget about his traumatic situation with Ginny. Not when a sudsy Hermione was nibbling on his ear while she was giving ‘Harry, Jr.’ a thorough cleaning. Mind you, Harry was a gentleman and couldn’t let Hermione have all the fun, so he finally was able to demonstrate to Hermione just how well his finger had healed.
At first, it was a bit awkward, but the two lovers eventually positioned themselves; Hermione had her back pressed up against Harry’s chest and was wanking him off by reaching behind her. Harry had reached around Hermione’s body with both of his hands; one was massaging ‘/Natasha/’ while the other was caressing the folds of her flower.
After a few minutes, with a muttered grunt, Harry came on her hip. Hermione giggled as she watched his seed mix with the water and soap suds as it trickled down her leg.
“It’s like a race,” she said with mirth as Harry tried to catch his breath. “Who do you think reach my foot and will win?”
“My cum,” panted Harry.
“No, I think the big soap bubble will beat the rest,” stated Hermione.
“That’s not a soap bubble,” concluded Harry with a slight grin.
Now that he had been satisfied, Harry was able to focus all of his attention on his lover. He used both of his hands to stimulate Hermione; his now healed finger continued tracing her folds while the fingers on his other hand busied themselves by playing with her bud. Hermione wrapped her arms around Harry’s neck for support because her knees became weak. Shortly thereafter, Hermione shouted out Harry’s name as she orgasmed.
After both lovers had climaxed, Hermione leaned her back against Harry’s chest under the shower’s spray. “This is wonderful Harry,” she purred. “I can’t see how this could get better.”
Harry voiced his agreement by nuzzling the nape of neck her and massaging her boobs.
“Do you think she’ll try something like this again?” she asked.
“Let her; she can never take me away from you,” he whispered into her ear. “You are my everything.”
As they leaned against the wet wall, Hermione busied herself by running her fingers through Harry’s hair. “I’m sorry, but I can’t help but wonder if Dobby or Kreacher had compared you to anyone,” Hermione said in an amused fashion. Harry groaned as Hermione continued her earlier ribbing of his embarrassment. “I don’t know what I’d do if a House Elf saw me naked…”
“Well there’s one way to find out,” offered Harry. Before Hermione could ask what he had meant, Harry held her arms behind her back playfully and called out “Oh, Dobby!”
With a loud crack, Dobby appeared in front of the two wet and naked teens.
“You called for Dobby Harry Potter… err… sir” the elf squeaked and his eyes almost bulged out of his head as he saw Hermione’s naked body. Hermione froze for a split second while Dobby looked at her bare flesh. Then she began to struggle to get out of Harry’s grasp. This led to a very fascinating show for Dobby, Harry assumed. Her boobs must have been swaying back and forth because Dobby’s eyes started to swing from left to right as if he was watching a tennis match.
“Harry, let me go!” Hermione commanded though Harry could tell there was no malice in her voice. It almost sounded like she was trying not to laugh. “Let me go or I’ll swear-!”
Hermione’s playful threat was cut short when Dobby disappeared with another crack. “You’re a dead man Potter!” she scolded him. “You’re going to have to work pretty hard to make this up to me.”
“Really what would you suggest?” asked Harry.
“Well, you could use your magical tongue and tap into your love core again,” she offered and wiggled her bum against ‘Harry, Jr.’
“I was actually thinking about doing that anyway,” admitted Harry. He guided Hermione to lie on the floor and lowered himself so that he was in-between her legs. His mouth was near her flower when he heard a series of cracks.
When Harry looked up, all he could see were hundreds of eyes looking at him and Hermione. Each set of eyes were bulbous and brightly colored; they obviously belonged to House-Elves. In fact Harry could argue that a wall of House-Elves had been erected in front of him. House-Elves filled every space in the bathroom. They were even actually standing on top of each other so that they could get a better look. Harry believed that it was quite possible that every single House-Elf in Hogwarts was currently jammed in the bathroom at that particular moment.
“Oh bugger,” groaned Harry as he heard a number of squeaky voices plead “Let me see!”
To Be Continued

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