There is a man who walks into a gun shop one day. He points to a gun and says, “Can I take a look at that one?” to the store owner. “Sure why not.” The man gets the gun and looks through the scope and does checks on weight and such to see if it suits his style. While looking through the scope he says, “Holy shit! Those two people over there are so getting it on!” The owner’s eyes widden and says, “Lemme take a look!” So he looks through the scope and says, “Oh my god! Thats my wife and some man!” So just as the man was about to leave as he didnt have enough money at the time to buy the gun, the clerk says, “Here are two bullets. If you shoot the woman in the mouth and the man in the balls you can have the gun for free.” So the man excitedly looks through the scope. “Oh wait, wait, wait, I only need one bullet!” The man with the gun says!

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To all you douchbags out there who tell me to post this in the jokes section…….. Guess what?!!! XNXX has made THIS the jokes section you idiots!!

Cop tells friend how to have great sex

The more you rate/comment me, the more jokes I’ll write…… They ratings/comments don’t have to be good, I just want an opinion……

A sex joke

stolen

Just when you think ‘yo moma’ jokes are out, a douchbag like me brings them back in………

boy runs home 2 tell his dad he finally FUCKED 4 the 1st time!!

Kwickies.

Think it’s easy? THINK AGAIN! I mean don’t feel that bad if you don’t get a perfect score, just cause every other guy knows how to use a urinal and you don’t………. *cough*

in eastern russia, a man is walking down the road. this man has an extremely big thirst for vodka. when he continued walking he saw a dusty vodka bottle lying on the ground when he picks it up and shakes it a amazing thing happens. a wizard pops out and says ” thank you kind sir for saving me. for doing so, i will grant you one wish. ” the vodka deprived man thinks for a bit then say that he would like to piss vodka. the wizard waved his wand to make it so. so the man goes home and sleeps. the next morning, he pees in a cup and surly enough, its vodka. then he calls his girlfriend over and tells her this. all night they drink from two glasses. the next night there is only one glass. the girlfriend asks why and the man says ” tonight your drinking from the bottle

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After fancy dress anal fucking night.

One day a Man, selling snake oil, spies an inidan coming into town with his dog, his horse and a flock of Sheep.
walking up he tells the Indian “Buy some of my potion, it can do anything it can even make your animals TALK!
The Indian, wise in his ways shakes his head “Animals no talk”
“Why sure they do” replied the Salesman “look I’ll give you a free sample” so he pours a bit in a saucer, the Indian’s dog laps some up and the salesman asks the dog “So dog, how does the Indian treat you?
The Dog barks and then begins to speak “Woof Woof geerr..o..o.k. he..he pets me..and gives me food.
The indian looks startled, but suspecting a trick he shakes his head “animals NO talk!”
The salesman is not one to give up..sighs and says “how about another demonstration” so he pours some of the liquid in the horse’s trough and asks “horse, How does the Indian treat you?”
The Horse whinnies and then begins to talk Nuhhhh huh h o.k. he..he rubs me down..g gives me oats, and grass….
Again the Indian looks startled, but affirms firmly “ANIMALS no TALK.
Sighing the salesman says look…one LAST demonstration Let’s ask your sheep…
Before he says another word the indian grunts “SHEEP LIE!”

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As always your comments, ratings, and jokes are greatly appreciated

Yo mama is like a shotgun, give her a cock and she’ll blow.
You mama is like a fine resturant, she takes her deliveries in
the back.
Two gay guys are havin sex. Some one rings the door bell
and the fag says to his buddy dont cum till I get back.
Fag comes back and there jizz all over the walls. He asks
why his buddy cummed every where. He says he didnt, he
farted.
A couple decideds to have sex in there bunk bed. The
guy notices his bro on the bottom bunk so they take the top.
He tells her if you want it in say tomato out say lettus. If im
about to cum i say pickle. She agrees
tommato
lettus
tommato
lettus
pickle.
The little brother yells guys stop makin sandwiches
youre gettin mayonasie all over me

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You know the world’s going crazy when….

In the pharmacy.

I would like to dedicate this joke to my great friend [NMS]PKed, he will love this.
A couple had been dating for about six months, but the guy had been too afraid to make any sexual advances because of his tiny organ.
Finally one night, he raises up his courage, and takes her to a secluded spot in his car.
While they are kissing and making out, he opens his zipper and guides her hand onto his penis.
“No thanks,” the girl says. “You know I don’t smoke.”
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Just a joke check it out…

WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY
Last week was my birthday
and I didn’t feel very well
waking up on that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
“Happy Birthday!”,
and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
” Happy Birthday.”
I thought…
Well, that’s marriage for you,
but the kids…
They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn’t say a word.
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
“Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! ”
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o’clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, “You know,
It’s such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me.”
I said, “Thanks, Jane,
that’s the greatest thing
I’ve heard all day.
Let’s go!”
We went to lunch.
But we didn’t go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office,
Jane said, “You know,
It’s such a beautiful day…
We don’t need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?”
I responded,
“I guess not.
What do you have in mind?”
She said,
“Let’s drop by my apartment,
it’s just around the corner.”
After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
” Boss, if you don’t mind,
I’m going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I’ll be right back.”
“Ok.” I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake …
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing “Happy Birthday”.
And I just sat there…
On the couch…

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What eva you do dont piss on your self

List of movies that should have been porn movies

Basiclly I’m Cinemasins for this site.

Guys don’t take this TOO seriously, cause you know…….. It’s a JOKE

a man walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash and sits down to have a beer….after a few beers he realises he is out of money….so he stands up and says,”i bet anyone 500 dollars that i can put my dick in this gators mouth and close his mouth and then hit him in the head and my dick will be un marked when i pull it out”…so a man throws a 500 dollars down to see this….so the man drops his pants puts his dick in the gators mouth slammed it shut hits the alligator in the head with a bottle,pulls his dick out and it is un marked….the man says,”now i will pay anyone 400 dollars if they wanna try it”….a hush fell over everyone,then a woman stepped forward and said,”i will but u got to promise not to hit me in the head

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